Shows
School of SchlockEpisode 137 - The Wasp WomanTom and Ryan are keeping their youth with an invigorating beauty product! No one would argue that The Fly isn't a lesson in gross-out body horror...but what if a human was crossed with a wasp? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss all things waspy, from beauty products to bad special effects to re-used film scores. Get buzzing for our review of The Wasp Woman! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:41:50 - Notable Scenes 0:52:30 - The Good 0:58:15 - The Bad 1:08:00 - T...2022-03-011h 18
School of SchlockReturn to Boggy CreekHot on the heels of our last family adventure film, it's...another family adventure movie? This time there's bayou kids facing down a Bigfoot-esque monster in the middle of a hurricane! Sound exciting? It isn't! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about bayou accents, Gilligan's Island (and Planet), and a new competitor for worst song on the podcast. It's our review of Return to Boggy Creek! Time stamps: 0:03:10 - Background 0:17:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:45 - Notable Scenes 0:34:50 - The Good 0:37:30 - The Bad 0:52:35...2021-11-151h 00
School of SchlockSurf NinjasWho doesn't love a good family adventure film--movies that are entertaining for whole family, packed with comedy, action, and drama? Sadly, that's not what we have here. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch kids surf and fight ninjas. We also talk about cotton candy, running gags, Leslie Nielsen, and answering machines! So grab a board and listen to our review of Surf Ninjas! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:23:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:28:40 - Notable Scenes 0:33:50 - The Good 0:41:55 - The Bad 1:01:20 - The Ugly2021-11-011h 12
School of SchlockHouse on Haunted Hill (1999)Happy Halloween! It's time for the creepiest, scariest thing in movies: remakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they sit down to watch a horror remake of the first movie they ever watched for this podcast! And of course there will be such relevant topics as John Waters, Lisa Loeb, zoetrope machines, and figuring out when a house just isn't a house. Keep your head and listen to our review of House on Haunted Hill (1999)! Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:31:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:44:20 - Notable Scenes 0:53:30 - The Good2021-10-151h 50
School of SchlockQuest of the Delta KnightsProphecies! Quests! Hunting for missing treasures! A day at the Renaissance Faire! This family-friendly medieval(?) adventure has it all! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the aforementioned RenFaires, Archimedes's No Girls Allowed policy, the duality of man, and of course Hotlantis. It's our review of Quest of the Delta Knights! Time stamps: 0:05:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:36:10 - Notable Scenes 0:43:20 - The Good 0:50:15 - The Bad 1:05:05 - The Ugly2021-10-011h 13
School of SchlockCounterplotTake a crime drama, sprinkle in a little romance, and top with a noir sensibility, and what do you get? You get a dull 1950s also-ran that plods along with some second-rate Bogart impressions. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk all about this un-thrilling thriller, as well as tragic deaths, Writing Film Noir for Idiots, and disappointing child actors. It's our review of 1959's Counterplot! Time stamps: 0:07:45 - Background 0:23:15 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:34:20 - Notable Scenes 0:40:30 - The Good 0:44:10 - The Bad 0:55:35 - T...2021-09-151h 03
School of SchlockEpisode 125 - The Host (2013)Everyone remembers Twilight, the romance novels featuring vampires and werewolves and babies and other imaginary creatures. Well now, from the writer a Twilight, we have a teen romance sci-fi adventure that's all about bodies and minds! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about a film with a stacked cast and crew, as well as important topics like the geometry of co-synchronous points, giant spider invasions, and the importance of library science and the tagging and archiving of data. Thrilling! It's our review of The Host (2013)! Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:20:20 - B...2021-09-011h 35
School of SchlockSnowbeast (2011)We've already seen a Snowbeast from the 1970s, so what about a 2011 remake/spiritual successor? And why did someone decide this was a good idea in the first place? Join Tom and Ryan as they try to reason out this movie's existence, as well as talking on such topics as predator feeding behaviors, the use and abuse of horror tropes, and The Dukes of Hazzard! Snowboard your way down into our review of Snowbeast (2011)! Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:18:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:31:25 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good2021-08-171h 13
School of SchlockThe Savage BeesMost folks agree: natural disasters are some of the scariest disasters around! Unpredictable and almost impossible to stop, Mother Nature sometimes takes her anger out on humanity. So what happens when her wrath takes the form of bees? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss bee science, Mission Impossible, powder-blue suits, and the helpfulness of Voodoo. We hope you'll swarm to our review of The Savage Bees! Time stamps: 0:02:35 - Background 0:24:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:40 - Notable Scenes 0:40:05 - The Good 0:52:30 - The Bad 1:03:40...2021-08-011h 11
School of SchlockStar SlammerWhat are you gonna do when you've got seven years in the slammer for a murder you didn't commit? Who will be there to help spring you from the joint? And what if that joint just so happens to be on a spaceship? These questions can only be answered by an exploitative 80s action film! Join Tom and Ryan as they mull these quandaries, as well as discussing underground metal bands, goofs on game shows, and Warhammer 40K! It's our intergalactic planetary discussion of Star Slammer! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:24:00 - B...2021-07-151h 22
School of SchlockThe RoomTo celebrate five glorious years of reviewing some of the worst films ever made, we are finally reviewing Tommy Wiseau's cult classic, a film so bad that it has become a mainstay of midnight screenings and has spawned countless memes online. Join Tom and Ryan as they subject themselves to this experience and talk about spoons, money-laundering, method-acting Olympians, and the perils of having friends. Tune in for our review of The Room! What a story, Mark!! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:29:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:25 - A Special Note About "Good" Things...2021-07-011h 09
School of SchlockFrankenstein Meets the Space MonsterEveryone loves a good meeting! And whether it's Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolfman or the The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones, cinematic meetings also carry all the oomph and pizzazz of a work-related get-together. Join Tom and Ryan as they review and discuss one such meeting, as well as talking about putting capital over workers, bad line reads, and a hero who cries when someone disrespects the flag. All that and more can be found in our review of Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:17:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary2021-06-151h 12
School of SchlockThe Robot vs. The Aztec MummyWe've got another big fight on our hands! This time the combatants in this supernatural slugfest are an undead guardian of ancient treasures and a Frankensteinian cyborg! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about epic fights, reused footage, forensic science, and getting rich via grave-robbing. It's our review of The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:13:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:24:10 - Notable Scenes 0:28:40 - The Good 0:34:00 - The Bad 0:49:50 - The Ugly 0:56:00 - Listener Feedback2021-05-151h 02
School of SchlockThe HeadZombification. Regeneration. Keeping parts alive after they've been severed from the body. These are some classic themes of the horror genre, and ideas that are all over this 1950s German flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss horror tropes, German Expressionism, body-swapping, and nepotism in police departments! For at the head of all masterpieces of horror film review that you've ever heard, you must place our review of The Head! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:12:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:27:55 - Notable Scenes 0:36:35 - The Good 0:45:25 - The Bad2021-05-011h 09
School of SchlockKing of the ZombiesIt's time to revisit the golden age of cinema for a 1940s comedy-adventure-horror! It's a movie that dares to make you laugh and tries to scare you with zombies and casual racism. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss dated comedy, forgotten actors, and voodoo rituals (with a hint of druidic magic). Become one of the gang and listen to our review of King of the Zombies! Time stamps: 0:07:20 - Background 0:30:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:20 - Notable Scenes 0:43:25 - The Good 0:48:55 - The Bad 0:55:05...2021-04-151h 04
School of SchlockShe-Gods of Shark ReefLet's travel back in time to when Hawaii wasn't a state and the Pacific Islands were mysterious to most (white) Americans! Two 1950s beefcakes are accused of murder and are stranded on a vaguely-Hawaiian island...what will they do to escape? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss exploitation tourism, David Crosby, the Bahá'i Faith, and fingers pointing at maps. It's our review of the Roger Corman "classic," She-Gods of Shark Reef! Time stamps: 0:06:05 - Background 0:17:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:22:40 - Notable Scenes 0:27:40 - The Good ...2021-04-0153 min
School of SchlockThe HighlanderIconic 80s action cinema is here! We finally take on a cult-classic that has become its own cultural touchstone with the immortal line: "There can be only one!" Listen in on the head-chopping action as Tom and Ryan discuss (anti-) climactic fights, votive candles, meta-humor, and Egyptian-Spanish-Scotsmen in Japan! It's our one-and-only review of The Highlander! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:32:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 1:01:15 - The Ugly2021-03-151h 36
School of SchlockThe Order of the Black EagleNazis are all-time classic bad guys. Or at least all-time since World War 2. Regardless, everyone should be able to get behind destroying camps full of Nazi scum, and that's exactly what this corny action flick from 1987 indulges in! Join Tom and Ryan as they touch on relevant topics such as racism, James Bond, and Olympic volleyball players. Call over your best baboon sidekick and listen in to our review of The Order of the Black Eagle! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:32:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - T...2021-03-011h 15
School of SchlockStar PilotUFOs and aliens! Time travel and a nuclear apocalypse! Sound exciting? Well don't get your hopes too high, as we struggle to comprehend the plot of this particular 60s Italian film. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss such important topics as Italian dialects, Pep Boys, women's magazines, and pinball machines! Tune in for our review of Star Pilot! Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:14:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:23:10 - Notable Scenes 0:31:50 - The Good 0:37:20 - The Bad 0:48:10 - The Ugly2021-02-151h 02
School of SchlockSatan's CheerleadersWe have an accidental tradition here on the podcast of watching some of the worst films of all time early in the year. With this cheerleading exploitation horror film, it looks like 2021 is going to be no different! Join Tom and Ryan as they suffer through an almost unbearable movie while discussing pertinent topics like shitty disco music, voyeurism, and the Orcs from Warcraft II. It's our review of Satan's Cheerleaders! CW: Rape/Sexual Assault Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:26:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:42:05 - Notable Scenes 0:52:00...2021-02-021h 22
School of SchlockDark Prince: The True Story of Dracula"True Story" films aren't always as true as they claim to be, but something things have to be exaggerated and fictionalized for the sake of entertainment. And what could be more entertaining than Vlad the Impaler? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the TRUEST story of the origins of Dracula by watching this period-piece drama all about good old Vlad. On the way they also discuss The Wire, charisma vacuums, and late-medieval influencers! It's our review of Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:19:00 - Back-of-the-Box S...2021-01-151h 24
School of SchlockA Man Called RageWhere do you go when you need radioactive materials in the post-apocalypse? Look no further than Captain Strike, AKA Rage, a wasteland survivor with muscle, smarts, and a too-tight tank-top! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss a film that features strange soundtrack choices, inappropriate clothing, and The Bible. It's our review of the Italian action schlock film, A Man Called Rage! Time stamps: 0:03:22 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:13:15 - Background 0:20:35 - Notable Scenes 0:33:20 - The Good 0:37:00 - The Bad 0:53:52 - The Ugly2020-12-011h 11
School of SchlockDestination SpaceSci-fi films aren't always focused on alien invasions or robotic uprisings. Sometimes the best sci-fi conflicts can be found in unlikely places: for example, Senate subcommittees! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film that dares to ask about the practicality of funding an earth-orbiting space station. Along the way, they'll talk about shaky cameras, scientific jargon, and Aaron Sorkin. So tune in for our review of Destination Space! Time stamps: 0:03:00 - Background 0:20:10 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:26:00 - Notable Scenes 0:41:30 - The Good 0:49:10 - The B...2020-11-021h 11
School of SchlockThe Dragon Lives AgainHe was a legend of martial arts who passed away far too young; the legacy of Bruce Lee can be felt today throughout action films. But what did seedy Hong Kong B-movie makers do to exploit that legacy just after Lee died? Join Tom and Ryan to find out as they talk all things Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee knock-offs, while also discussing such relevant topics as Popeye, sexual assassination, and the best method for stopping Dracula. There's all-star line-up of fictional characters just waiting in our review of The Dragon Lives Again! Time stamps:2020-09-151h 14
School of SchlockThe Giant of MetropolisWhat happens when science goes too far...in 20,000 B.C.?!? That fascinating question is at the heart of this sci-fi tinted sword-and-sandals Italian epic. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about mind transplants, pit fights, and what it means to have a film with no texture. Oh, also they get into the subject of geothermal-based apocalypses. Set your magnetic devices to listen in on our review of The Giant of Metropolis. Time stamps: 0:03:07 - Background 0:13:53 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:40 - Notable Scenes 0:32:30 - The Good 0:38:52...2020-09-021h 13
School of SchlockRobot MonsterIt's time once again to delve into an infamous, bottom-of-the-barrel, all time worst B movie. This time a family tries to survive the post-apocalypse while being hunted by a robot gorilla. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk Hollywood blacklists, famous composers, and a dinosaur-based Ragnarok. Fire up your calcinator ray and listen in to our review of Robot Monster! Time stamps: 0:04:22 - Background 0:25:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:30:45 - Notable Scenes 0:42:55 - The Good 0:49:25 - The Bad 1:01:15 - The Ugly2020-08-021h 11
School of SchlockThe Phantom PlanetSpace may be the final frontier, but it's also the last place you want to be stuck fighting off angry fire aliens and gravity plates. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this early 60's sci-fi drudgery, and also talk about the value of work, more poor use of women characters, and of course the properties of oxygen. It's our review of The Phantom Planet! Time stamps: 0:05:20 - Background 0:15:02 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:30 - Notable Scenes 0:28:10 - The Good 0:34:05 - The Bad 0:53:12 - The U...2020-07-151h 06
School of SchlockEscape to AthenaA heist movie. A war film. An adventure flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a movie that tries to be all that and more, which ends up meaning it's incredibly uneven and strange. They also discuss disco music, character deaths (or the lack thereof), and perhaps the most star-studded film work we've ever watched for this podcast. It's our review of Escape to Athena! Time stamps: 0:04:20 - Background 0:29:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:12 - The Good 0:46:05 - The Bad 1:06:55 - The Ugly2020-07-031h 21
School of SchlockAbraxas, Guardian of the UniverseAction movies of the late 80s and early 90s were great vehicles for bodybuilders and professional wrestlers. And boy are there a LOT of films from this time that made use of meatheads! Join Tom and Ryan as they take in a film about intergalactic cops duking it out over the fate of a kid. They also discuss governing Minnesota, wanting POWERRRR, and related film The 13th Warrior. It's our review of Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe! Time Stamps: 0:03:25 - Background 0:20:32 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:26:53 - Notable Scenes 0:38:55...2020-06-151h 14
School of SchlockBarbarian Queen II: The Empress Strikes BackThe 1980s were the peak decade for sword-and-sorcery fantasy cinema...and that means that a whole lot of B-grade fantasy films were produced. Some films tried to stand out by fully indulging in some grindhouse-style nudity, and Tom and Ryan are stuck watching one of those! Along the way they discuss mud wrestling (naturally), as well as Phil Spector, Internet user movie reviews, and the value of a sneering villain. It's our review of Barbarian Queen II: The Empress Strikes Back! Time Stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:26:10 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:31:40 - N...2020-06-081h 18
School of SchlockTrack of the Moon BeastWe've got even more 70's horror in store with this lizardman sci-fi creature feature! A meteorite turns a man into a murderous monster, and only the wisdom of Navajo legends hold the key to stopping him. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about important relevant topics like the effects of the moon, euthanasia, and of course, Batman. So turn down that old 45 of California Lady, and turn up our review of Track of the Moon Beast! Time Stamps: 0:04:08 - Background 0:12:14 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:16:45 - Notable Scenes 0:30:45...2020-05-151h 12
School of SchlockReptile 2001 (AKA 2001 Yonggary)Big-budget Korean cinema has never been bigger or budgetier! A cast of D-list Americans are up against a mighty monster that seeks to destroy humanity at the behest of its alien masters! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this 90s kaiju flick and also talk about Independence Day, Godzilla 1998, early CGI, and endless horrible quips! So tune in, because we'd like you to meet our little friend, Reptile 2001 (AKA 2001 Yonggary)! Time Stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:17:50 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:23:05 - Notable Scenes 0:37:00 - The Good 0:45:15 - T...2020-05-011h 19
School of SchlockGrave of the VampireClassic vampire horror slowly oozes out of a 70's B-grade thriller that seems to be two films in one. It's got a baby that feeds on blood, a detective killed with a coffin lid, and even occult night classes! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss high body counts, stretching tension past the breaking point, and of course one actor's Star Trek-related honor. So stop your hell-raising seance and listen to our review of Grave of the Vampire! Time Stamps: 0:02:45 - Background 0:14:15 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:18:55 - Notable Scenes 2020-04-151h 15
School of SchlockOperation Las VegasA film where cool heroes spray bullets at terrorist bad guys? 80's action has never looked so hot! Or so disjointed and fake! Join Tom and Ryan as they delve into a dubbed (and then re-dubbed) action film that's practically unwatchable! We also discuss important topics like the French ninja genre, landmines, and being not-Clint Eastwood. What more could you want? Don your sexiest commando outfit and check out our review of Operation Las Vegas! Time Stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:16:00 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:22:30 - Notable Scenes 0:39:10 - The G...2020-04-011h 13
School of SchlockRattlersLooking for some snake-based horror, but tired of re-watching Anaconda? Well come check in on this 1970s herpetological horror flicks that has a bunch of rattlesnakes attacking a small Southwestern community! Tom and Ryan regroup to discuss the fanged fury and to touch on related topics like Law and Order (for snakes), the women's liberation movement, and the music of A Muppet Christmas Carol. So put down those hand grenades and listen to our review of Rattlers! Time Stamps: 0:04:02 - Background 0:13:45 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:17:55 - Notable Scenes 0:33:30 - The...2020-03-151h 10
School of SchlockThe Proud and the DamnedThe Magnificent 7. The Wild Bunch. Ensemble Westerns are some of the most iconic films in the entire Western genre. Good thing we have 100 minutes of a charisma-less knock-off to watch! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a meandering cowboy film and discuss important related topics, such as Cesar Romero, bardic inspiration, and of course every Chief Petty Officer involved in World War 2. Hang your inhibitions high and listen to our review of The Proud and the Damned! Time Stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:21:50 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:23:30 - Notable Scenes 0:37:50...2020-03-011h 15
School of SchlockSnowbeastWho doesn't appreciate the film Jaws? It might be the single most iconic horror film from the 70's. So iconic that other films tried to copy it...to varied degrees of success. So you might be asking yourself, what would Jaws set at a ski lodge look like? Well look no further than this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Yeti attacks, and also connections to Psycho, the 1968 Winter Olympics, five-gun salutes, and Ewok/Wampa cross-breeding. It's our review of Snowbeast! Time Stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:25:26 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:27:05...2020-02-151h 17
School of SchlockEegahIf the Flintstones taught us anything, it's that the Stone Age was a hot property in the 1960s. Join Tom and Ryan as we sit down to witness a film capitalizing on cavemen popularity while throwing dune buggies and shaving cream into the mix. We also discuss such relevant topics as the Bible, camping and survival tips, and women's names as song titles. So stop chatting with those dead ancestors of yours and listen in on our review of Eegah! Tim Stamps: 0:03:44 - Background 0:15:10 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:21:40 - Notable S...2020-01-151h 06
School of SchlockA Carol ChristmasWho doesn't love A Christmas Carol? This classic Victorian novel about good will and the Christmas spirit has been told and retold countless times, so what could be so bad about another film adaptation of it? Join Tom and Ryan as they learn about how bad it can get when you make a modern Hallmark version about a selfish TV talk show host. There's also plenty of talk about Diff'rent Strokes, romance montages, and adapting works while missing the point of the originals. It's our festive, seasonal review of A Carol Christmas! Time Stamps: 0:03:20...2019-12-151h 36
School of SchlockAttack of the Puppet PeopleLast time we tuned in to Bert I. Gordon to get gargantuan; this time, old Bert is shrinking us down to size. But Honey I Shrunk the Kids this ain't! Join Tom and Ryan as they refuse to shrink away from topics such as misrepresentative movie titles, re-using footage from more well-known films, and of course, doll-maker psychology. It's our review of Attack of the Puppet People! 0:04:45 - Background 0:14:55 - Back-of-the-box Summary 0:17:00 - Notable Scenes 0:31:37 - The Good 0:38:55 - The Bad 0:50:24 - The Ugly2019-11-151h 05
School of SchlockWar of the RobotsWas every science fiction space film after 1977 a derivative of Star Wars? Clearly not, because this film is derivative of both Star Wars and Star Trek! Join Tom and Ryan as they slog through this sci-fi drudgery and discuss such important topics as hack directors, Young Frankenstein references, and plot holes the size of black holes! Also they sing part of the Isley Brothers' classic song "Shout." It's our review of War of the Robots! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:18:25 - Film Summary 0:41:07 - The Good 0:45:25 - The B...2019-09-151h 24
School of SchlockSuicide BattalionSaving Private Ryan. The Hurt Locker. Letters from Iwo Jima. War films draw their audience into the bleak, harsh realities of the battlefield and through the extreme conditions of battle. But forget all that, let's watch a war film that's mostly about livestock and a guy getting married! Tom and Ryan dig into this strange (and strangely boring) piece of 50s cinema while discussing dowries, dictionaries, and dueling your superiors. It's our review of Suicide Battalion! Time stamps: 0:05:35 - Background 0:23:05 - Film Summary 0:46:40 - The Good 0:50:16 - The Bad2019-09-011h 21
School of SchlockThis Island EarthA group of scientists have been gathered in a secret laboratory to research atomic energy...but to what end? Fans of Mystery Science Theater may recall the sci-fi film used for MST3K: The Movie, and Tom and Ryan prove that they sure know their MST quotes! Join us as we discuss good 50's special effects vs. bad 50's special effects, ear-piercing sounds, and the worst kinds of philosophical responses you can give. It's our review of This Island Earth! Time stamps: 0:05:05 - Background 0:21:24 - Film Summary 0:50:33 - The G...2019-07-011h 27
School of SchlockThe Neptune FactorUnder the sea! Under the sea! Darling it's better down where it's wetter, except for this movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they review an undersea disaster film that tries, and fails, to rip off The Poseidon Adventure. Along the way we discuss the many aquatic escapades of Ernest Borgnine, what this movie gets right and wrong about deep-sea creatures, and what exactly makes a disaster movie a disaster movie. It's our review of The Neptune Factor! Time stamps: 0:00:31 - WARNING, GROSS MOUTH SOUNDS 0:01:53 - Gross mouth noises end 0:03:55 - Background2019-06-151h 23
School of SchlockGamera vs. GuironEveryone and loves Godzilla, but what about his hard-shelled cousin, Gamera? This giant turtle is the savior of Japan and a friend to all children! Tom and Ryan watch as he fights a giant knife-headed monster; along the way there is discussion about kaiju gymnastics, the Church of Gamera, and exactly how much monster fighting should be a move about monsters fighting. The Gamera Theme will live on in your heart when you listen to our review of Gamera vs. Guiron! Time stamps: 0:03:22 - Background 0:20:52 - Film Summary 0:44:43 - T...2019-06-011h 13
School of SchlockMazes and MonstersRoll for initiative! You're about to begin an epic encounter with a movie that's basically an extended PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is evil! Don't worry, you've got your faithful party members, Tom and Ryan, at your side; they're ready to fight, but also ready to talk about subjects such as why this film is a poor representation of the roleplaying experience, what "Satanic panic" was all about, and whether we can use this film to torpedo Tom Hanks's career. Draw your swords, ready your spells, and get ready for our review of Mazes and Monsters! 2019-05-161h 32
School of SchlockKillers from SpaceWhat would happen if you remade the film Independence Day, but left out all of the action and made the aliens look like goofy bug-eyed humans? Obviously you would get this movie, as Tom and Ryan quickly discover! Join them as they talk about oversized wildlife, the influence of Biography, and the sin of omission. Prepare yourself to be abducted by the Killers from Space!2019-05-031h 13
School of SchlockVoodoo IslandWhat would it take to convince a skeptic that the supernatural is real? Would it take unbreakable trances? The foretelling of mysterious deaths? Or maybe just some carnivorous plants? Tom and Ryan watch a 50s horror film that tries to pose these questions, and then delivers disappointing answers. Meanwhile, they discuss casting Austro-Hungarian army members as natives, composing music for SeaWorld, and of course Undone - The Sweater Song by Weezer. It's all part of the experience of Voodoo Island! Time stamps: 0:05:28 - Background 0:29:55 - Film Summary 0:50:35 - The G...2019-04-011h 30
School of SchlockSurvival EarthPost-apocalyptic worlds are often scary, dangerous, and wild places. But what if you could visit a post-apocalypse that took place entirely in a verdant Canadian park? Why, then you'd have poutine, all-dressed chips, and this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat about a polite and gentle end-times, review the effectiveness of cloning, and take a long look at the commodification of women in our review of Survival Earth! Time stamps: 0:03:38 - Background 0:15:35 - Film Summary 0:38:38 - The Good 0:42:35 - The Bad 0:53:10 - T...2019-03-151h 08
School of SchlockWalk the Dark StreetSure, there have been plenty of adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game in cinema and television history. But imagine one with a wild new twist: it's boring! Join Tom and Ryan as they engage in a manhunt, build camera guns, and just miss finding each other dozens of times. You can also find out who the most forgettable lead actor in any of our films has been! Grab yourself a rifle and prepare to wander around L.A. as we review Walk the Dark Street! Time stamps: 0:02:14 - Background 0:15:25 - Film S...2019-03-011h 16
School of SchlockThe Horror at 37,000 FeetThey say flying is the safest way to travel, but if that's true then what's with all these demonic entities? Join Tom and Ryan as they review a supernatural horror movie set aboard a 747 where the scariest things are wind and mold! Listen in as they discuss cynical priests, the overuse of animal deaths, and hodge-podge religious references. William Shatner warmly invites you to our review of The Horror at 37,000 Feet! Time stamps: 0:03:27 - Background 0:32:00 - Film Summary 0:56:50 - The Good 1:01:25 - The Bad 1:11:35 - T...2019-02-151h 29
School of SchlockIsland of the Burning DamnedPolar Vortex have you on ice? Need to warm up a little? Then come to the island where the temperature's hot and the aliens are gloopy! Join Tom and Ryan as they review a strange little 60s sci-fi horror film with some of the biggest names in British acting! Along the way we'll discuss infidelity, solving problems by blowing them up, and, of course, radioactive cauliflower. Things are heating up as we review Island of the Burning Damned! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:30:45 - Film Summary 0:56:00 - The Good 2019-02-011h 28
School of SchlockFrozen AliveCryogenic freezing has been a sci-fi staple for a while, and it's easy to see why. Someone from our time is frozen and wakes up in the distant future of...one day later. And that's about all that happens in the 60s soap opera snoozer dressed up like a sci-fi film! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch scientific lectures, forget about the bullet in the chamber, and make a series of temperature-based puns! This isn't just Netflix and chill, this is Frozen Alive! Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:21:05 - Film Summary 0:45:40...2019-01-161h 32
School of SchlockThe 2018 Schlocky AwardsIt's that time of year again! The annual Schlockys are here, and Tom and Ryan have a boatload of bad films, characters, visuals, and moments from the past podcasting year to review and rank. Who will take home the coveted Worst Character award? Which visual was the most offensive to the eyes? And what moments set us off on furious rants? Find out all of that and more in the 2018 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:03:38 - Film List and Categories 0:07:00 - Lifetime Achivement Award 0:09:52 - Worst Character 1:07:37 - Worst Moment or Line 1:52:14...2019-01-022h 34
School of SchlockDracula vs. FrankensteinFreddy vs Jason. Alien vs Predator. Abbott vs Costello. There's a long and storied tradition of horror movie monsters duking it out in the cinema and leaving a trail of victims in their wake. It should be a simple formula, but as Tom and Ryan discover, it can go wrong in 1000 different ways! What Hollywood icons had this as their final movie? Why are there three different plots happening? Where should you turn if Dracula is giving you directions? Find out all this and more in our review of Dracula vs. Frankenstein! Time stamps: 0:04:50...2018-12-011h 46
School of SchlockThe Wild and WickedIt's been a while since Tom and Ryan tried to watch a sexploitation film, and this movie is here to demonstrate why. Listen in as they discuss this moralizing relic and other topics of interest, such as high school productions of Guys 'n' Dolls, the demonization of sex work, and tombs (where people aren't alive). It's our review of The Wild and Wicked! Time stamps: 0:02:26 - Background 0:15:10 - Film Summary 0:32:18 - The Good 0:36:35 - The Bad 0:46:00 - The Ugly 1:07:28 - Improvements2018-11-151h 12
School of SchlockTerror in the Midnight SunAn icy tundra. A horrible monster. Paranoia and fraying relationships. No, it's not The Thing, no matter how much we wish it was! A giant beast is prowling the Swedish hills, and no one knows how to stop it. Tom and Ryan watch as the film wanders from genre to genre; in the meantime, they discuss American re-cuts, filming a twenty-foot-tall monster, fake Frank Sinatra, and the absence of John Carradine. It's our review of Terror in the Midnight Sun! Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:19:25 - Film Summary 0:36:15 - The G...2018-11-011h 14
School of SchlockThe Creeping TerrorIt's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and...that's about it. It's our annual Halloween episode, and this time we watch a horror movie so impossibly bad, it's scary. A monster that looks like a rejected carpet store mascot has come to earth to consume humans! Who can stop this beast? Some soldiers? A man with a grenade? Tom and Ryan ask themselves these questions while reflecting on why this film deserves a place among the all-time worst movies ever made. It's...The Creeping Terror! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:23:55 - Film Summary 0:39:30...2018-10-151h 14
School of SchlockHammerheadWhen there's a villain who needs to be stopped, which international super-spy do you call in to do the job? ...Ok, well what if he's busy? ...Ok, well, eventually, somewhere down the list, you'll find the name Charles Hood. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Mr. Hood deal in pornography, sightsee in Portugal, and treat women like dirt! It's all in the name of stopping a hardened criminaland his flying confessional. It's our review of Hammerhead! Hammerheeeeaaad! Hammerheeeeeeeeaaaaaaad! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:30:53 - Film Summary 1:12:15 - The Good 1:17:44...2018-10-011h 51
School of SchlockCity LimitsPart 2 of our 1984 action movie block absolutely sizzles with poor writing and a disjointed plot! What happens in a future where motorcycle gangs run rampant? The answer is: a whole lot and nothing at all! Join Tom and Ryan as they fly kamikaze model planes, read Insect Man #47, and determine how this movie compares to a grocery store cake. Stop jousting, take off those skull masks, and listen to our review of City Limits! Time stamps: 0:03:56 - Background 0:25:58 - Film Summary 0:48:21 - The Good 0:54:57 - The Bad 1:06:45...2018-09-161h 26
School of SchlockExterminator 2We've got another crappy 80's action film on our hands, and this one doles out the pain in a meandering, lackadaisical fashion. A flamethrower and a welding mask do not an exciting movie make. Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss an arms race of atrocities, the differences between dump-trucks and trash trucks, and post-apocalyptic gangs in modern-day settings. Vigilante justice is here in the form of our review of Exterminator 2! Time stamps: 0:02:40 - Background 0:30:12 - Film Summary 0:56:33 - The Good 1:04:52 - The Bad 1:13:18 - The Ugly2018-09-041h 34
School of SchlockAttack of the Giant LeechesThey're creepy, they're crawly, they want to suck your blood! No, not vampire-centipede hybrids...leeches! And they're all over this cheaply made swamp-stomping monster flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they investigate the right way to fish with dynamite, recoil at this movie's attitude toward women and the environment, and ultimately ask themselves what the heck makes for a movie becoming a "cult classic" anyway? Don't flip your canoe, it's our review of Attack of the Giant Leeches! Time stamps: 0:04:35 - Background 0:22:13 - Film Summary 0:41:39 - The Good 0:46:36...2018-08-151h 22
School of SchlockTexas to BataanYeehaw, partner! Saddle up for a plot-light horse opera that's focused on the central theme of every good Western: fighting Japanese spies in the Philippines! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat all about the industrious David Sharpe (again), the terror of ventriloquist dummies, and the right way to merge the Marvel Cinematic Universe into Remember the Titans. So bring yourself AND your pony over and give a listen to our review of Texas to Bataan! Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:26:15 - Film Summary 0:55:10 - The Good 1:01:42 - The Bad2018-08-021h 38
School of SchlockVulcan, Son of JupiterBy the gods, it's time to watch a film based on mythology! There are so many fascinating myths and intriguing characters that surely a film based on myth has to be interesting...or at least watchable, right? Well this week Tom and Ryan endure a film that puts the lie to that assumption, as they chat about sword-and-sandal epics, intense misogyny, and very Italian films stars like Gordon Mitchell. Put on a lizard costume and listen to our review of Vulcan, Son of Jupiter! Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:22:26 - Film Summary 0:36:30...2018-07-171h 18
School of SchlockPlan 9 From Outer SpaceThere are a small handful of B movies that can claim a real cult following and true cinematic infamy. Perhaps the greatest and worst of all of these is none other than Plan 9 From Outer Space. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss one of the most famously terrible movies of all time for their special 50th episode! You'll hear all about the future, the tragic end of Ed Wood, the future, beating off aliens, and the future! All this and more in our review of Plan 9 From Outer Space! Time stamps: 0:03:10 - Background 2018-07-011h 37
School of SchlockTeenagers Battle the ThingAs Indiana Jones could tell you, archaeological expeditions can easily go sideways. Who knows what you might unearth while you're exploring the ruins of ancient peoples? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the dangers hidden in ancient tombs, learn the differences between pictographs and petroglyphs, and find out how a San Bernadino District Attorney ties into this mess. It's our review of Teenagers Battle the Thing! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Film Summary 0:15:10 - Background 0:26:30 - The Good 0:30:50 - The Bad 0:43:20 - The Ugly 0:51:25 - Improvements2018-06-1557 min
School of SchlockThe Brain EatersAdorable, furry parasites from parts unknown are out to conquer the human race via mind control, and Tom and Ryan have to watch this poorly-plotted piece of sci-fi dreck to find out how to stop them! Along the way they discover a missing group of scientists, find out how to make monsters out of pipe cleaners, and uncover a role played by a future titan of science fiction cinema. You don't need to spend forever searching for clues; just listen to our review of The Brain Eaters! Time stamps: 0:03:23 - Film Summary 0:31:05...2018-05-021h 32
School of SchlockMasters of the UniverseIf you grew up in the 1980s, you probably knew all about He-Man. But were you one of the lucky youths to experience the live-action movie from 1987? Whether you were or not, you should listen to Tom and Ryan discuss this sword-and-sorcery-comes-to-America adventure. Come learn all about this film's connections to the Rocky franchise, why its climactic fight scene was shot in the dark, and of course, what it means to move twenty metrons poleward. Play a little ditty on your Cosmic Key and listen to our review of Masters of the Universe! Time stamps: 0:04:10...2018-04-161h 37
School of SchlockIn The Year 2889In the year 2889, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find Tom and Ryan still suffering through this post-apocalyptic snoozer. Not even irradiated mutants can inject excitement into this film from the 1960s that features everything you'd expect: swimming pools, jugs of moonshine, and absolutely zero tension. You can also expect to find discussion about the all-important title of "schlockmeister," the right way to remake Roger Corman films, and the protection of child actors. So pour out the water, get yourself some fresh, raw meat, and settle in for our discussion of In the Year 2889!2018-04-021h 21
School of SchlockDouble DragonIf there are any constants in life, they are death, taxes, and bad movies based on video games. This episode doesn't focus much on death or taxes, but it definitely takes aim at this cheesy piece of 90s cinema that tried to capture the gaming crowd. Tom and Ryan wield the powers of Body and Soul as they talk about roided-up supermutants, The Big Quake of 2007, and the significance of Iron Chef America. As a special bonus, you also get to learn what faction Tom played back in his Warhammer 40,000 days. Plus our first comment from an international listener...2018-03-151h 55
School of SchlockPlanet OutlawsBuck Rogers in the 25th century! If that's a phrase you recognize, then you're the target market for this 1953 recut of a bunch of 1930s sci-fi serials. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Olympians, ponder round-trip flights to Saturn, and encounter the person who may be the most prolific actor in the history of Hollywood! So put down that Encyclopedia of Dirigible Accidents and enjoy this review of Planet Outlaws! Time Stamps: 0:05:00 - Film Summary 0:21:35 - Background 0:43:20 - The Good 0:49:30 - The Bad 1:00:05 - T...2018-02-151h 24
School of SchlockInvasion of the Bee GirlsWhen women a group of women are irradiated and have their DNA mixed with that of bees, what is it that they want? Apparently the answer is lots of sex! Join Tom and Ryan as they are subjected to a terrible softcore sci-fi film that prompts discussions about press conferences, bad lighting, and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Try as you might, you won't soon forget Invasion of the Bee Girls! Episode Time Stamps: 0:03:39 - Plot Summary 0:33:35 - Background 0:55:05 - The Good 0:59:13 - The Bad 1:09:10...2018-02-011h 37School of SchlockThe TerrorThe Corman Crew cranked out another face-meltingly poor horror film, and Tom and Ryan get to sit through it! Not even the trio of Jack Nicholson, Boris Karloff, and Francis Ford Coppola can save this snoozer of a ghost story that reads like a discarded early draft from Edgar Allen Poe. So give a listen as we talk about editing errors, the Jack Nicholson voice, and demonized femininity in The Terror! Episode Time Stamps 0:02:25 - Film Summary 0:31:28 - Film Background 1:06:55 - The Good 1:15:20 - The Bad 2018-01-161h 55School of SchlockSanta Claus (1959)Ho ho ho! Santa has to fight the Devil for the souls of earth's children, but with a little Merlin magic and Santa's army of child laborers, Christmas just might be saved! Tom and Ryan take in this delightful, terrifying holiday romp, and along the way they tackle such Yuletide topics as Western views of Africa, using a traveling carnival to launch your film career, and what an alternate-reality version of Ryan might be like. So double-check your Christmas lists to ensure that you asked for a rocket, an atomic laboratory, and our review of the Mexican family classic...2017-12-151h 26School of SchlockMeteorWhat do you get if you take the director of the Poseidon Adventure, add in Sean Connery, Karl Malden, Henry Fonda, and Natalie Wood, and mix in some experienced screenwriters tackling one of the hottest genres of their time? The answer is: you get a big boring mess! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Oscar winning people, learn who was complimented by Charlie Chaplin, find out what happens when you decide not to go with John Williams as your composer, and get a lesson on what name might be said more frequently on Chinese college campuses than...2017-12-011h 41School of SchlockThe Magic SwordFencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...no, we're not watching The Princess Bride this week, but instead a crappy 1960s fantasy that indulges the many tropes of fantasy films while also doing nothing with them! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss fantasy-relevant topics such as Sherlock Holmes, "freak show" voyeurism, and terrible Irish accents. This podcast is hotter than the 4th curse (out of 7) as we discuss The Magic Sword! Episode Time Stamps 0:02:37 - Film Summary 0:40:31 - Film Background 1:03:38 - The Good 1...2017-11-151h 43School of SchlockSaturday the 14th Strikes BackThe horror-comedy genre has a long and storied tradition of pretty terrible films, but this might just stand head-and-shoulders above the rest! Listen to Tom and Ryan talk about such timely topics as the 1980 Olympics, the rescue of baby Jessica, and musical numbers on mini-golf courses! So get that submarine out of your stomach and listen to our review of Saturday the 14th Strikes Back! Episode Time Stamps 0:02:30 - Film Summary 0:12:18 - Film Background 0:36:50 - The Good 0:45:14 - The Bad 1:01:55 - The Ugly 1:20:06 - Impr...2017-11-011h 25School of SchlockAtom Age VampireA mad scientist is hell-bent on making a woman beautiful again after a waffle iron accident leaves her mildly scarred. Tom and Ryan discuss all the ins and outs of this cheesy sci-fi horror flick, such as the ways in which all-engulfing flames can leave minor scars, the things that Billy Idol and this movie have in common, and the many mistreatments of women that can be packed into an hour and twenty minutes. Load up on Derma-28, because it's time to discuss Atom Age Vampire! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:10 - Film Summary 0:39:45...2017-10-151h 38School of SchlockDuel on the MississippiTom and Ryan settle in to enjoy a Western film with plenty of dueling, the way it was meant to be done: with epees and machetes. They also get into the topics of "indentured servitude," dying for honor, and the prospect of JFK giving speeches about sugar. Hold tight to your flat, Midwestern accents, because it's time to enjoy the whitest creole culture you've ever seen in Duel on the Mississippi! Episode Time Stamps 0:04:00 - Film Summary 0:32:45 - Film Background 0:52:24 - The Good 0:59:32 - The Bad 1:11:40 - The...2017-10-011h 40School of SchlockFrogsSpecial guest Brian joins Tom and Ryan to talk about another 1970s horror cheese-fest that includes Sam Elliott, miscellaneous amphibians, and a whole lot of clumsy deaths. The discussion naturally veers to such topics as the coloration of film credits, largemouth bass making dolphin noises, and Ted, the failed creature wrangler. Nothing will get in the way of your special day if you listen in to our review of Frogs! Episode Time Stamps 0:05:00 - Film Summary 0:41:03 - Film Background 1:02:20 - The Good 1:11:38 - The Bad 1:22:55 - The Ugly...2017-09-011h 44School of SchlockThe Horror of Party BeachSpecial guest Lacey joins Tom and Ryan to discuss an early 60s beach-party horror musical that's somewhat lacking in beaches, music, or horror. Along the way they try to determine what words are okay to use on the Internet, whether fish-creatures qualify as zombies, and what needs to happen to turn Eulabelle into the greatest film protagonist of all time. Join us as we zombie stomp our way through The Horror of Party Beach! Don't forget the sodium! (Also guest starring Sammy Terry.) Episode Time Stamps 0:02:30 - Film Summary 0:28:43 - Film Background 0:47:30 - The Good ...2017-08-151h 41School of SchlockManos: The Hands of FateThe Master would approve of this very special one year anniversary episode as Tom and Ryan tackle a cult classic and one of the worst films of all time, Manos: The Hands of Fate! Come listen to the story of how Manos came to be and find out exactly why this film is so terrible in every regard. Our one piece of advice? Never make a bet with a fertilizer salesman. Episode Time Stamps 0:05:04 - Film Summary 0:21:20 - Film Background 0:50:12 - The Good 0:53:14 - The Bad 1:06:55 - The Ugly 1:2...2017-06-151h 33School of SchlockTerror from the Year 5000A mirror-wearing monster from the future is on the loose in central Florida! Or at least it is for the last 15 minutes of this 1958 piece of sci-fi dreck. Before that, Tom and Ryan have to sit through reverse-carbon-dating, selfish scientists, air-headed secretaries, peeping toms, and tons of wasted potential in Terror from the Year 5000! At least Tom learns a little something about Avatar: The Last Airbender and how much Ryan loves the M. Night Shyamalan film adaptation. Episode Time Stamps 0:04:35 - Film Summary 0:30:20 - Film Background 0:49:52 - The Good 0:58:14 - The Bad ...2017-06-021h 37School of SchlockThe Night the World ExplodedWho do you call when earthquakes are threatening to destroy the planet? Apparently you call some bland seismologists and a whole bunch of stock footage, if this Fred F. Sears snooze-fest is to be believed. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film about falling rocks, women abandoning successful careers to get married, and a whole lot of Element 112. Try to contain your violent reactions as we review The Night the World Exploded! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:50 - Film Summary 0:24:44 - Film Background 0:41:51 - The Good 0:53:30 - The Bad 1:06:38 - The Ugly...2017-05-151h 28School of SchlockJourney to the Seventh PlanetThe name "Sidney Pink" elicits reactions from nearly everyone; those reactions usually include "Huh?" "Who's that?" and "What are you talking about?" That's why we're on the second film in our Sidney Pink block: Journey to the Seventh Planet! Come listen to Tom and Ryan discuss one-eyed ferrets, imaginary women (and the men who love them), and of course petty, sentient brain-creatures! Join us and I'm sure you'll agree: we'll find our love somewhere beyond the seventh planet. Episode Time Stamps 0:03:17 - Film Summary 0:25:31 - Film Background 0:40:02 - The Good 0:44:28 - The Bad2017-05-011h 23School of SchlockReptilicusIcons of Danish culture include Hamlet, Hans Christian Andersen, and Soren Kierkegaard. Well finally, Tom and Ryan are happy to welcome a giant prehistoric reptile to the ranks of Danish superstardom in a 1960s monster movie that comes straight from Scandinavia! Thrill as they discuss Danish amusement parks, Dustin Hoffman, aimless scientific experiments, and the worst example of farmer-eating ever! Whether you're taking in the film, the new MST3K episode, or the smutty novelization, you're sure to enjoy Reptilicus! Episode Time Stamps 0:02:47 - Film Summary 0:33:19 - Film Background 0:58:28 - The Good 1:06:24 - The B...2017-04-151h 45School of SchlockPrisoners of the Lost UniverseWhen people from the 1980s get sucked into a transdimensional teleporter and wind up in another world, it's up to Tom and Ryan to watch them slowly try to escape! Will a balding warlord stand in their way? How does Battlestar Galactica relate to all of this? Would a Memento-like version of this film be better? And what about the watch??? We attempt to answer all of these questions when we discuss Prisoners of the Lost Universe! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:14 - Film Summary 0:27:23 - Film Background 0:38:50 - The Good 0:46:20 - The Bad ...2017-03-151h 30School of SchlockThe Doomsday MachineThe Earth is about to be destroyed by a doomsday machine, and it's up to a few remaining humans to go into space to escape! It's also up to Tom and Ryan to suffer through this painfully dull film. Listen in as they discuss death via airlock, interplanetary narrators, and the best way to get your grandma out of the gulag. Keep Khrushchev on speed-dial, because we're talking about The Doomsday Machine! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:17 - Film Summary 0:23:52 - Film Background 0:45:50 - The Good 0:50:05 - The Bad 1:04:10 - The Ugly 2017-03-011h 32School of SchlockDr. SexHow does a sexploitation film stack up against our usual B-movie fare? What exactly does "nudie-cutie" mean? How common is it for men to transform into dogs? Tom and Ryan search for the answers to these questions and many more in Dr. Sex, a film about exactly what you would expect: mannequins, ghosts, and abstract art! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:40 - Film Summary 0:21:07 - Film Background 0:41:38 - The Good 0:50:14 - The Bad 0:58:41 - The Ugly 1:20:25 - Improving the Film 1:26:55 - Email2017-02-151h 34School of SchlockCreature from the Haunted SeaIt's the second film in our Roger Corman comedy-horror block! This time a vicious sea monster is out to kill some criminals smuggling Cuban treasure into the United States--and you thought the Bay of Pigs was bad! Put your ear to the door and listen as Tom and Ryan (alias: Ryan and Tom) dream of the Corman film factory, trade all of their utilities for Park Place, and learn how this film is linked to two Mission Impossible movies. You can't hear a thing through that door, can you? Episode Time Stamps 0:02:39 - Film Summary 0:21:48 - Film...2017-02-011h 22School of SchlockA Bucket of BloodCould we have finally come across a movie we actually like? Is it possible there's a Roger Corman film out there that's actually pretty good? Listen in as Tom and Ryan order guava-and-wheat-germ pancakes, develop a Maxwell quote button, share their families' blood soup recipes, and speculate on whether Walter Paisley is actually Dr. Who. Repetition is death, and everything else is graham crackers, man. Episode Time Stamps 0:04:48 - Film Summary 0:35:30 - Film Background 1:01:15 - The Good 1:19:38 - The Bad 1:32:15 - The Ugly 1:42:32 - Improving the Film...2017-01-151h 54School of SchlockSanta Claus Conquers the MartiansIt's our holiday episode, so of course that means lots of Santa Claus, lots of singing children, and also lots of scheming Martians! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss the relative intelligence of Santa, the relevance of former Nazi scientist Dr. Werner von Braun, and whether or not Santa is a benevolent ruler of his many puppet governments. Put on your robot costumes and polar bear suits, because it's time for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians! Episode Time Stamps 0:02:30 - Film Summary 0:18:35 - Film Background 0:43:23 - The Good 0:56:25 - The Bad 1:08:33 - The Ug...2016-12-151h 37School of SchlockParole ViolatorsOnce in a while in your B-movie travels, you come across a movie that's so awful in every regard that you wish you could throw its creators in jail. Well the makers of Parole Violators have violated their own movie-making parole by creating an action film so insipid, so utterly terrible, that it might rank with some of the worst movies of all time! Listen to Tom and Ryan as they discuss the suffering that is this film, rant about nepotism, poke holes in rafts, and get offended by bird comparisons. Hey, the film may be cold, but everything else...2016-12-011h 48School of SchlockThe Killer ShrewsEvery hunter will tell you that there is no more vicious or deadly a creature than the tiny shrew. And any sci-fi moviegoer will tell you to stay far, far away from the film The Killer Shrews. But Tom and Ryan aren't known for listening to good advice, so they watch and discuss it anyway! Listen in as they chat about the best dog costumes, the solution to the overpopulation problem, and why a dull, alive woman is preferable to the alternative. Who knows, maybe they'll even bust out a hilarious prank of J. Edgar Hoover! Episode Time Stamps: 2016-11-151h 50School of SchlockBlood TideIn the late 70s and early 80s, you couldn't throw a cat without hitting a Jaws horror ripoff. This one takes that time tested monster-in-the-water formula and layers in some Greek mythology, virgin sacrifice, and James Earl Jones. So join Tom and Ryan for our Halloween episode as we discuss Academy Award-winning actors, military juntas, and ravenous sex demons in the 1982 horror flick Blood Tide! Episode Time Stamps: 0:02:31 - Film Summary 0:32:10 - Film Background 1:01:25 - The Good 1:11:10 - The Bad 1:21:15 - The Ugly 1...2016-10-151h 51School of SchlockBig Boy Rides Again"Big Boy" Williams stars in the first B-western that Tom and Ryan have managed to rustle up. Listen in as our brave posse of two talk about horse rescues, poisoned pudding, and offensive caricatures! So open a trap door, knock over a few tables, and settle in for Big Boy Rides Again! Episode Time Stamps: 0:02:51 - Film Summary 0:29:20 - Film Background 0:52:09 - The Good 1:01:11 - The Bad 1:09:06 - The Ugly 1:21:00 - Improving the Film2016-10-011h 33School of SchlockThe Cosmic ManA giant white ball! An invisible man! A whole lot of people talking for a very long time! Tom and Ryan are here to tell you about it all, and they even find time to fit in discussions about murder-by-shot-put, drugged-out scientists, and atom-bomb-related conservational faux pas. Put down your telescopes and your chess games and come give a listen to The Cosmic Man! Episode Time Stamps: 0:02:40 - Film Summary 0:34:44 - Film Background 0:51:30 - The Good 1:03:20 - The Bad 1:14:10 - The Ugly 1:36:31 - Improving the Film2016-09-151h 45School of SchlockThe Giant ClawWhat do you do when a giant, awful puppet is terrorizing the skies? Turn to the scientific experts, Tom and Ryan, who can give you all the information you need about French-Canadian folklore, anti-matter screens, smaller-than-normal atoms, and flirting using baseball analogies. Keep your shirt on and follow these instructions to the letter, and you'll be able to defeat The Giant Claw! Episode Time Stamps: 0:03:03 - Film Summary 0:32:47 - Film Background 0:54:40 - The Good 1:02:35 - The Bad & The Ugly 1:21:55 - Improving the Film2016-09-011h 33School of SchlockThe IntruderIt is with greatest pride and deepest pleasure that we welcome you to The Intruder, featuring everything you would expect in a good mystery: a boat, an ape, and skeletons! Listen in as Tom and Ryan solve a murder, chastise a detective, speak fluent French, and determine which character in the film should have their own HGTV show. Episode Time Stamps: 0:03:16 - Film Summary 0:29:14 - Film Background 0:46:05 - The Good 0:52:14 - The Bad 1:02:45 - The Ugly 1:17:46 - Improving the Film2016-08-151h 26School of SchlockThe Screaming SkullThis film is more fun than a pack of wild skulls! This week Tom and Ryan talk about decorative ponds, bad paintings, creepy folktales, and...oh yeah, a greedy husband's nefarious murder plot and the heroic skeleton ghost that stops it from happening! At least, I think that's the plot of The Screaming Skull. (WARNING: THIS EPISODE MAY KILL YOU!) Episode Time Stamps: 0:02:22 - Film Summary 0:25:13 - Film Background 0:45:15 - The Good 0:54:40 - The Bad 1:06:46 - The Ugly 1:16:42 - Improving the Film 2016-08-011h 30