Shows
Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #153 Ghost in the Machine (1993)This week on the Fun Box Monster Podcast: That lady from Raiders of the Lost Ark does battle with a murderous screensaver. Things to be scared of: CAT Scan machines, Computers, Microwaves & Microwave Dinners, The Internet, Strangers, Dishwashers, and Misused 90's Hip-hop Jargon. Join Matt at Tristan for the best horror movie based on a Police album since Wes Craven's Zenyatta Mondatta.
2022-07-151h 56Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #149 Phantasm 2 (1988)Following the tried and true eighties sequel tradition of taking a successful, well made horror movie and Rambofying it by at least three hundred percent, Phantasm 2 is a Jolt Cola fueled pile of confusing and amazing banana-pants nonsense.
I declare that a new law, (The Phantasm 2 Accord) states that any movies made with weapons should be forced to double the number of barrels or stabbing implements on their weapons for each sequel. Friday the 13th part 12? More like "The one where Jason gets a twelve bladed machete."
The main plot of the new James Bond movie rev...
2022-06-172h 01Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #148 Phantasm (1979)You play a good game BOOOOOOOYYYYY, but the game is finished. You die. What was the game the boy was playing? Where does this tall guy come from? Who does Mike think he is whipping dirt-bike shiddies in a cemetery? Who is the old lady? What's with all the other random ladies? Why an ice cream truck? So the teleportation device is just a tuning fork? Why are they waiting so long to drop the little Jawa guys into the other dimension, are they brining in a pickling solution? Shouldn't Reggie be playing the electric guitar for that lead p...
2022-06-101h 27Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #146 Prison (1987)Alright new meat. I'm only gonna say this once. You're in the hoosegow now. Your mommy isn't here. Except for you Tommy. Tommy's mommy works in the office as the prison accountant. Her name's Dina and she's a real caution. But everyone else, your mommy's aren't here. So sit down and listen to this here podcast and everything will go as smooth as a pint of grandma's old fashioned Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins. But act up, and you'll see that I can make things tougher than a barbecued polecat that doesn't have my grandma's Alabama corn-smothered pig cracklins on...
2022-05-201h 37Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #145 BrainScan (1994)When FANGORIA reader Michael is told of a mythic video game advertised as the ultimate in psychological horror in the back of a FANGORIA MAGAZINE, he's knows he's got to play it. Turns out the game is killing people in real life. Undeterred he keeps playing. He's visited by a virtual reality demon who looks like a punk Ronnie James Dio, and he remains unfazed. Anyway, the movie got great reviews in FANGORIA for some reason. So join Matt and Tristan for the most jacked-in, cyberest, virtual reality-ist, experience in horror, and 1994's most high-tech Eddie Furlong delivery system, B...
2022-05-131h 24Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #144 Homewrecker (1992)Uggh. Remember the nineties, when there was no internet porn, so you had to use a seventeen million dollar defense department computer to transform your house into a companion robot? Who's got time for that?
When the designer of a boondoggle of a missile defense system accidentally kills three innocent people in a civilian plane during a live fire demonstration he goes bonkers, moves into a cabin abandoning his wife and child and starts working to make this murder computer into a loving wife. This emotional affair starts turning sour when the computer takes over the house...
2022-05-061h 22Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #143 Demons 2 (1986)Demons 2 is most likely an extended music video for shot for a song from Demons 1, but never used. That's the only way this non-narrative makes a lick of sense. The hero of the story is locked in an elevator until fifteen minutes before the credits roll for god's sake. What are the rules? Why do we care about any of these characters? Why do they live in a bullet-proof, tank proof, high rise? What the hell is this demon documentary they're all watching on TV? These are among the many questions that will never be answered by this movie.
2022-04-221h 28Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #142 Grizzly 2 (2020? I guess?)When a Kaiju sized Grizzly goes on a rampage at a Hungarian national park hosting a concert for your dad's drunk friend's band who are you going to call? That's right, John Rhys-Davies as a French Canadian fur trapper turned Native American Poseur. It's all just cobbled together nonsense and clocks in at just over an hour. Both the podcast and the movie. Join Matt and Tristan for Grizzly 2. Or don't. It's pretty unwatchable.
2022-04-171h 11Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #141 Octopus 2: River Of Fear (2001) There's a big octopus attacking people. For a full synopsis see the wikipedia entry for Jaws.
Just kidding. This movie may have a big Fourth of July celebration that a big carnivorous aquatic animal is threatening, and a quixotic cop who is hellbent on stopping it, a mayor who's more concerned with the bottom line than the safety of the citizenry, a bunch of children in peril, and a denouement where the animal explodes, but the similarities to Jaws end there. There's also some really boring scenes in steam tunnels and our protagonist cops are absolutely horrible people w...
2022-04-081h 08Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #140 Route 666 (2001)This is not you're daddy's route. Not the "Mother Road" as Route 66 was once known. Certainly not a place to "get your kicks" as songwriter Bobby Troup once wrote in his famous song. This is more the Highway to Hell, as crooned about by famed Australian troubadours, AC/DC. But not the movie Highway to Hell, which is a different movie.
When the aptly named criminal Rabbit flees protective custody he's brought back in by the two toughest names in action movies. Lou Diamond Phillips and Lori Petty. They run from some Russian assassins and find their w...
2022-04-011h 29Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #139 Retribution (1987)When frustrated painter George tries to do himself in, he’s brought back from the brink of death by the glowing head of a gangster who was killed by a cabal of meanies who shot and burned him to death over a debt that wouldn’t have paid off the average car loan. The head took this execution poorly and hijacks George and sends him out on a grizzly mission of revenge and stoned museum visits. So get the cheapest haircut imaginable, pour yourself a giant milkshake, and join Matt and Tristan as they gaze into the bleeding Easter Isla...
2022-03-251h 24Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #137 : The Gate (1987)Model rocket enthusiasts rejoice, for your day has finally come! The Gate is the true story of how the Estes Model Rocket Corporation of America saved the world from a million years of darkness, with a little help from the band Sacrifix.
Our sad kid Glenn is noticing the world pass him by. He's still launching model rockets, while everyone around him is getting in to cool stuff like parties, and worshiping Satan. Until one day when lightning strikes his treehouse, opening a gate to hell, powered by natures most evil stone...the geode. They fight demons, p...
2022-02-251h 08Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #136 Trucks (1997)This is a clever idea. Remake a movie that was already perfect but take away anything enjoyable. That's bold. And that's the Trucks promise.
Trucks takes the explosions, insane, bold, cartoonish characters, high budget set pieces, gore, and incredible AC/DC soundtrack and replaces it with four broken down farm trucks and a gravel pit. Contrary to everything you might expect, this formula fails create an entertaining film. So grab all the Canadian film tax credits you can find, a potato truck from the seventies who's odometer flipped three times, and join Matt and Tristan for the h...
2022-02-181h 31Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #135 Death Spa (1988)When I'm looking to get buff, the first question I ask any potential gym is, "Am I going to have to lift that little key on the machine that changes the weights?" Inevitably these losers tell me I will. I storm off in a huff and swear off exercise forever. But at Starbody Health Spa they've fixed this. All you have to do is carry around a credit card and swipe it in the machine, probably talk to the guy in the computer room on an imbedded mic. He puts you in a cue of people who need similar...
2022-02-041h 42Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #130 Alligator 2 : The MutationThe usual way a filmmaker tends to approach a sequel is to take what was successful about the first movie and amp it up. Alien had one alien, Aliens has a pile of aliens. Right? This concept is turned on its head with Alligator 2, where the Alligator seems to be considerably smaller than an average alligator, and the movie is free from blood or any other exploitation elements.
The plot plays very much like a double episode of an eighties action tv show, but just add an alligator. Corrupt land developer, dumping poison, buying up land cheap t...
2022-01-211h 38Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #128 Bloody New Year (1987)When an experimental aircraft using time altering technology as a cloaking device crashes into an island resort celebrating New Year's Eve in 1959, the explosion traps the partygoers in a never-ending Groundhog Day style party. We don't see that story though. We see a 1987 group of teens arriving on the island and almost able to see the time-ghosts wandering around. Unsurprisingly these teens get picked off one-by-one. Then they become time ghosts too I guess. I'm not really sure. This thing is wacky as hell. The movie may not make much sense, but damned if it isn't full of fun...
2021-12-311h 30Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #125 : Alligator (1980)This film gave me such nostalgia for my childhood in Chicago. I remember my parents would take us kids out to Lou Malnati's Pizza for a bowl of delicious pizza. Of course, we'd have to leave the family dog at home so he wouldn't get dognapped by the hordes of evil pet store owners roaming Chicago's historic streets for animals to sell to corrupt biotech labs.
We'd take a leisurely stroll down the Miracle Mile, averting our gaze from the piles of mutated research animals that were abandoned in the gutters.
We'd take the L d...
2021-12-031h 36Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #124 Scanner Cop (1994)This is a story about those horrible unrepentant killers with dangerous powers, but now one of them is a Scanner.
When little Sam is only a lad, he watches his Scanner father have a complete psychotic break and get gunned down by the police. Standard operation procedure kicks in here and the responding officer takes the kid home and raises him as his own. He's such a positive influence that the kid grows up to be a cop himself.
Cut to years later, some escaped villains from a Superfriends episode are brainwashing ordinary citizens to ki...
2021-11-191h 39Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #123 The Hazing AKA Dead Scared (2004) In this unofficial, pseudo-sequel to Hell Night we again have a co-ed legion of doofuses locked in a fake haunted house to earn the right to join a fraternal organization. But this time, they remembered that they were making a horror movie, so they added blood, nudity and Brad Dourif, all in enough quantity to more than make up for the previous film.
Also… they had just watched Evil Dead 2 and would very much like you to know that they are aware of how badly they’re ripping it off, but that this is an homage so quit being...
2021-10-291h 14Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #122 : Hell Night (1981)Wow. This slasher couldn't have been softer if it was made for the Disney Channel. Made by a porn director and there's no nudity. Made with had the star of the Exorcist but barely had a single effective scare. They even had the star of Rock and Roll High School, and yet I didn't see a single Ramone.
The sad part is that if you watched a half-hour reel of the greatest hits of this movie, you'd think it was the best horror movie ever made. Sadly, the rest of the movie is just boring kids either s...
2021-10-221h 32Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #121 Satan‘s Little Helper (2004)Get ready for this summer's hottest new video game! YOU play the role of Satan's Little Helper, an incredibly stupid child who's feigned inability to distinguish fantasy from reality will probably get him off the hook for all the atrocities that he will soon take part in! Rack up the points by killing boyfriends, poisoning BMX ninjas, and marrying your sister! Be sure to look out for the shopping cart upgrade! Now you're playing with power!
So grab your best painting cat, a few rolls of packing tape, and a pastry crimper for some reason(?) and join M...
2021-10-151h 37Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #120 Halloween 4: The Return Of Michael MyersLittle Jamie has always hated Halloween. No matter how much her adopted family tries to ply her with multiple scooped ice cream, she won't budge on the matter. She's simply too busy with her schoolwork and photo collecting to think about Halloween. Rachel is seventeen year old about to give up on love. When a surprise visit from Jamie's unconventional uncle sets the family on their toes, he changes the way little Jamie looks at Halloween forever, and sets Rachel on a collision course with love among the pumpkins. Join Matt and Tristan for a story of love, loss, an...
2021-10-081h 42Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #119 Mirror Mirror (1990)Stay with me here. There's this mirror, right? It's got a demon in it. The witches of Salem used to use it, but literally all it does is seduce people and ruin their lives. It doesn't explicitly grant wishes, but clearly there's a wishing element. You can't ask it for stuff or bad things happen. You certainly shouldn't have sex with the demon that lives in it. That's a big no-no.
Our story begins when a copyright infringing version of Lydia Deetz from Beetlejuice moves into a house that's haunted by a demonic mirror. Her mom has...
2021-10-011h 32Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #118 Mortuary (1983)Honestly, any attempt to describe this movie would be pointless. You have to see it. Yes. It is very slow. But, Bill Paxton is in it.
Sure, it centers around a bunch of obnoxious rich kids who are also very stupid. Counterpoint: Bill Paxton.
It would further be correct to point out that if given any small amount of scrutiny the plot completely falls apart. To that I would say... Bill Paxton.
So join Matt and Tristan as they talk about the most Bill Paxton horror movie allowed without a prescription, Mortuary.
2021-09-171h 26Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #117 Just Before Dawn (1981)Sometimes when you make a funny podcast about schlocky movies, you run across a movie that is...kinda perfect? Maybe the most underrated slasher ever? I mean there's some silly stuff...a guy does pull a hundred pound fish out of the water as part of his wooing of a lady. That was fun. But goddammit, this movie ruled. Sorry I'm so late to the party on this. Join Matt and Tristan as they have very little to complain about in a movie that I still can't believe I had never seen until now, Just Before Dawn. Also, I...
2021-09-101h 02Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #115 Cheerleader Camp (1988)You ever have one of those dreams where you're at Cheerleader Camp wearing an alligator mascot costume and people are getting murdered all around you? Plus, for some reason seventies teen sensation Leif Garret is there? And that big guy from Roadhouse is filming everyone and committing crimes that everyone just finds charming? Yeah. I think I ate some bad clams. Anyway, join Matt and Tristan as they talk about the greatest hip-hop film since House Party 2, Cheerleader Camp. (Ps. This is not a Pajama Jammy-Jam.)
2021-08-211h 13Fun Box Monster PodcastThe Fun Box Monster Podcast #114 : Beyond The Door 3 / AKA : Amok Train (1989)A young student named Beverly has been given the opportunity of a lifetime. She's being invited to hang out in the woods of Serbia with classmates who absolutely loathe her and bully her ever chance they get. Once there she gets to sleep in a shack with no walls, and learn about her own heritage...which she clearly despises, plus she's going to marry the devil! All for only eight hundred bucks!?!
Unfortunately things take a turn for the worse when the entire town turns out to be comprised of satanic cultists, who try to burn all of...
2021-08-131h 19Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #113 : The Hidden (1987)A body-switching, heavy-metal-loving, Ferrari-stealing, serial-killer-alien is running wild in LA, and the only thing that can stop him is Kyle Mclaughlin. If you are a Hollywood executive and someone gives you this pitch... if you hesitate for even a second, you should be fired on the spot and removed from the entertainment industry forever. Grab a boombox, a pocket full of stolen IRS Records Tapes, and your dufflebag full of illegal military hardware, and join Matt and Tristan for 1987's classic space-slug goes to earth on a murder bender film, The Hidden.
2021-08-061h 26Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #112 Llamageddon (2015)Llamageddon is just another bloated Hollywood blockbuster, relying on expensive flashy special effects and star power. When are we going to see Howie Doin come back to the small, quiet films that were a hallmark of his lauded early days? I miss the Howie who brought us the masterful tone poetry of Pinky's Sense of Llama. The sensuous heat of August Llama in Paris, or the gritty realism of Llama Driver. Sure this film will break a billion at the box office. But what about telling us the truth that is in his heart? I guess the system wins...
2021-07-301h 14Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #111 Berserker : The Nordic Curse 1987Berserker is the timeless tale of a Viking who's ship crashed in Utah so he ate a bunch of people and became half bear. Also, there's a real bear who may have been killing people, or not, and it's got George Buck Flower going really big on a Swedish accent. So strap on your bear-mask, get your cool-guy degree in Political Science, and join Matt and Tristan for the best Viking slasher movie I can think of, but only by default... Berserker.
2021-07-161h 15Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #109 Redeemer : Son of SatanWhen an evil priest summons a child with three thumbs, who may be the avatar of Satan, to murder a group of people who may be his former classmates, or complete strangers that he just doesn't like, things start to get weird. He's punishing, and I guess redeeming (?) them for sins that seem to come from the seven deadly sins (?) but sometimes don't. And the punishments (redeemings?) are completely random, (if you're gluttonous he sets you on fire?) If you're looking for answers, you aren't going to find them here. This one is full on incomprehensible. Grab your duck...
2021-07-021h 09Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #108 Rawhead Rex (1986) When you think of God, you think beard, robe, wise, kind all-knowing, right? WRONG STUPID. He's a gorilla with a mohawk that dresses like Blackie Lawless from WASP. Man did every theologian in history back the wrong horse! But not to worry, this film sets the record straight.
Whether it be godly feats of strength like breaking plates and eggs, or eventually knocking over a lightweight camper after a lot of grunting exertion, Rawhead Rex proves himself to be a deity worth worshiping. Also, was there anything in the Old Testament about God not being able to close...
2021-06-251h 25Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #107 : The UnseenWhen her relationship with an Emmy-winning football player fails due to a dispute over his rubber leg scar, Jennifer runs into the arms of her second love, Danish folk festivals. She hops into the Action 6 Action Station Wagon and heads out to get her pulitzer on the mean streets of some dumb town with a folk festival. Sadly, due to a tragic mixup, the only place left to stay is at the local murder mansion. Jennifer knows that she is the only reporter daring enough to report that, "People seem to be enjoying the parade," so she and her tw...
2021-06-181h 12Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #106 Slugs (1988)When killer mutant slugs start pouring out of the water taps in a small town, the local health inspector, Mike Brady, snaps into action. After every single person in town tells him he’s insane, he decides to prove them wrong. How does he do that, you might well ask? Why, by hiring a local high school’s science teacher to make hundreds of gallons of explosives that they will pump into the sewers, effectively blowing up the entire town. Obviously! So make yourself a big old bowl of salad, or maybe just a plate of peas and a burger...
2021-06-111h 33Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #105 Ticks (1994)Clint Howard accidentally makes some giant ticks by spilling his weed growing steroid. Outside of that? What more do you need to know? The movie is a classic and how they made it for a million dollars I honestly can't imagine. This thing is gold. So fill your pockets with steroids, dump your up-and-coming A-List children in the woods, and join Matt & Tristan as they suck down the big bucket of delicious dog-blood that is the 1994 classic... TICKS!
2021-06-041h 39Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #104 : Bad Moon (1996)Things are going great for famed photojournalist, Ted. He's got a great career, a beautiful wife, and fifteen sherpas to listen in on he and his wife having sex. The whole deal. That all ends when his camp is attacked by a Nepalese werewolf. Ted eventually kills it, but not before it murders everyone at the camp except for Ted, and leaves him infected with werewolfism.
He returns to the States, but has a hard time fitting in, due to him literally turning into a werewolf, EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. Yeah. It's like a full time job. He f...
2021-05-281h 22Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #103 : SHAKMA (1990)When Roddy McDowell, the head of an inexplicably animal-based medical school, get a hair across his ass to inject the most dangerous animal they have in what appears to be a huge menagerie (you know, because it's med school) with a drug that usually calms animals down, but once in a while drives them murderously insane, things go poorly.
Despite his obvious cinematic familiarity with primates, he somehow missteps and this turns out to be one of the times the serum makes a monkey murderous. Oh, also there's a completely incomprehensible subplot about them playing some live...
2021-05-211h 37Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast Episode #102 : The Unborn 2 (1994)Those lovable murderous demon-babies are back! Unfortunately for them, this time they're pursued by Linda, the Terminator you get if you order through the Spiegel Catalog. By the time we catch up with Catherine and her monster-baby Joey, Linda has already thinned the killer-baby population of California down pretty handily.
But Catherine, the mind controlled, millionaire, children's book author has a brilliant plan. After fleeing the killer-baby lab leaving piles of dead scientists in her wake, she moves to a suburban neighborhood and buys a house under her real name, and continues to publish books in a...
2021-05-141h 47Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #101 : Amityville 1992 : It's About TimeBeing an architect is stressful. You come home from landing your dream job. Your ex-girlfriend, who watches your kids because your so awful nobody else on earth will talk to you, meets you at the door with a weapon. You let that go, because you think she might cheat on her insufferable new boyfriend with you. She does, and just as you're starting to feel good abut ruining their relationship, you get mauled by an evil ghost dog controlled by the clock of a 15th century serial killer that you brought back from the demolition of the original Amityville...
2021-04-301h 45Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #100!!!! TERRORVISION! (1986) Featuring a Special Drop in From Ted Nicolaou!We made it 100 episodes so we decided to treat ourselves to one of our shared favorites! Terrorvision!!! Plus, I had talked to writer / director Ted Nicolaou a few months earlier for the magazine and had a little audio snippet of him talking about the movie, so I dropped that in too. (I hadn't listened to it before we recorded so we rehash a bit of what he says.)
When LA's most eighties family installs their new DIY 100 satellite, they accidentally pick up the essence of a mutated family space pet known as the Hungry Beast. Th...
2021-04-231h 27Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #99 The Chilling (1989)The Chilling is a film which poses some really poignant philosophical questions about the spiritual morality of cryogenically freezing people, secretly harvesting their organs, and selling them on the black market. It also calls into question the decision to not only hire Dan Haggerty as a security guard, but give him keys to a forklift.
We may never agree on the answers to these questions, but the one point we can all agree on is that if a conductive fluid is injected into a cadaver and that cadaver is struck by lighting it will be raised from t...
2021-04-021h 35Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #98 Slaughterhouse (1987)At it's core, Slaughterhouse is an inspiring tale of a father and son triumphing over the corporate forces that would take over and industrialize their beloved family farm. However if we zoom out to the macro level, it could be said to be the story of America.
When Lester Bacon, owner of Bacon and Sons Slaughterhouse, is offered a deal to either pay off his back taxes or sell out to corporate interests, he doesn't look to the government for a bailout. He pulls himself up by his bootstraps, and through sweat and gumption, convinces his deranged thre...
2021-03-261h 36Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #96 Warlock (1989)A Warlock from the 1600's gets transported to the eighties closely pursued by his mortal enemy, Redferne; a witch-hunter and smelly coat enthusiast who will stop at nothing to kill him. He hits up a psychic medium and learns that he's been sent there to assemble the Grand Grimoire, an evil text that contains the name of God, which if uttered backwards will undo all of creation. Some how he sees an upside to this, so goes about it, even though undoing all of creation means he won't have any place to store his many ponytail scrunchies.
...
2021-03-121h 21Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast Episode #94 Axe Giant : The Wrath Of Paul BunyanGather 'round kids and let old grandpappy spin you a yarn about old Paul Bunyan and his big blue ox Babe. Well, you see old Paul was a great big feller. Looked kinda like a lost member of that band GWAR. Now everyone hated old paul because he was a horrible mutant. And old Paul, he only loved two things in the world, his Ox, and some lady who didn't actually like him or seem to even know who he was.
Sadly one day old Babe caught some type of digital rabies and started floating around the...
2021-03-051h 21Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #92 Plutonium Baby (1987)Every generation there comes a movie that is so transformational to the very fabric of society that it is hard to step back and see it as simply a film. Plutonium Baby is such a film. Although it has been seen by only a handful of people, Plutonium Baby has been called the greatest film of the twentieth century. The scene of Billy eating a whole trout by the pond has been hailed as a possible cure for arthritis. The forty minutes of walking through New York with no purpose, motivation, or plot has been seen by some as a...
2021-02-191h 13Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #91 : The Curse (1987)The Curse is the story of a woman trying to keep her family together by marrying a man who is conservatively eighty years her senior. The son, played by a young and very unhappy Wil Wheaton, makes the crazy logic leap that the giant, veiny, glowing sphere that has skidded a half-mile across the family farm, might just be from space. The family remains unconvinced, even as their vegetables and livestock start to become infected by slimy space-testicle goop that seems to be causing both chicken and horse attacks. After a short time, the parents and evil step-brother are...
2021-02-121h 22Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #90 Dolls (1987)1987's Dolls is a sort of modern-day retelling of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Only instead of a candy, this house is made mostly of dry-rot and mouse poop. You still have the two innocent children, but they are now played by a little girl (Judy), and a child-like adult (Ralph). The comparison breaks down here, because our witch is actually a husband and wife witch team, who are seemingly tasked with punishing shitty parents and criminal Brit-Punks. Long story short, some folks get killed by dolls, turned into dolls, and a small child fantasizes about the gruesome...
2021-02-051h 12Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #89 Puppet Master (1989)André Toulon is a kindly old puppet maker. For reasons unknown, he has an ancient papyrus scroll with the secret to imbuing inanimate objects (specifically puppets...but I don't see any rules that it wouldn't work with toasters and couches) with life. When he sees two (maybe?) SS officers coming to capture him, he kills himself to avoid his secrets getting into the hands of the (Nazis?)
Humanity has now been spared the horror of Hitler fighting WWII with sentient puppets, only to have a douchey occultist named Neil take the power of immortality for himself. For r...
2021-01-221h 18Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #88 The Video Dead (1987)When a delivery truck accidentally delivers a cursed TV set to a sad drunk writer, other worldly zombies known as the Video Dead are released to wreak havoc on a small suburban town. Brother and sister Jeff & Zoey move into the murder house three months later, starting the murder spree back up. One dead dog and many dead neighbors later, they finally listen to the fake Texan who is for some reason an expert in all things related to occult TVs, and go on a zombie killing spree. Wackiness ensues and by the end we all learn a really...
2021-01-151h 16Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #87 The Paganini Horror (1989)When a million selling, mostly female Bon Jovi cover band arrives at the studio to cut a record, their drummer/fog machine operator sees that all their songs suck. He realizes that the only sane option is to seek out the devil and purchase an unreleased track from pop music's greatest hit machine, Nicolo Paganini. He fills a duffle-bag with unmarked bills and heads to a burned-out cathedral to meet a badly dubbed Donald Pleasence. Being a drummer, (the musicians most known for their musical literacy) he sits down to the piano and knocks that thing out note for...
2021-01-081h 11Fun Box Monster PodcastA Very Fun Box Monster Podcast Christmas Special: Alone For the Holidays! (2013)Ho ho ho…boy. Here’s a very special non-horror episode just for Christmas. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. When a family goes out of town for the holidays, some bumbling BANDITS rob the place. Luckily someone was left…HOME ALONE to fight them off with clever traps. Ok. Fine. It’s an obvious rip-off of Home Alone, but did Home Alone have talking dogs, Kevin Sorbo, and Dom DeLuise’s kid? Of course not. They had actual money. Is this a bad movie? I guess? But honestly, you could do worse for a Hallmark style kid’s...
2020-12-241h 15Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #86 Blood Beat (1983)If you’re like me, Christmas time means one thing: Samurai sex movies directed by drugged out French maniacs.
When a family of Wisconsin deer hunters goes home to visit their amateur painter / godlike psychic with cosmic powers / Shelly Duval impersonator mother, they unleash a demonic samurai whose murder spree is somehow attached to the son’s new girlfriend’s orgasms because maybe she cut her finger on his sword as a child? Or was that the mom? Or they’re unrelated? Or he’s from WWII, and the samurai thing is just how he chooses to show himse...
2020-12-221h 18Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #85 Subspecies III (1994)This week on Subspecies : The Legendary Journeys, Radu is dead again, but not for long! The love of his life wants him dead (again, again...), and his mom is constantly trying to get him to murder his would be forever girl. Now his potential beau's nosy sister is hiring heavily armed CIA contractors to shoot up the place. It's enough to make even the best vampire kings throw up their big wiggly hands and give in. But Radu's not like other vampires. He keeps his chin up, (which causes a lot of drooling) takes a big haul off his b...
2020-12-041h 15Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #84 Bloodlust: Subspecies II (1993)Everybody's favorite drooling Dracula, Radu is back and this time he's brought his mom! Radu continues his reign as filmdom's brattiest vampire. He skulks around his dad's house being surly to visitors. He runs to his mom when a girl won't hang out with him. And all he really wants to do is hang around his dad's house rent free, playing with his Bloodstone. Honestly...sounds pretty great. We start out the podcast with Matt being an unbeliever in the beauty of Subspecies, only to win him over to the side of goodness and sanity when he finally realizes...
2020-11-131h 25Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #83 : Evil Toons (1992)When an ancient tome full of evil doodles is delivered to a sexy co-ed house cleaning service, nudity ensues. At first they're menaced by a buffer, more poorly drawn version of a Tex Avery style wolf, but he's really a demon I guess. I mean, we see him as a cartoon, maybe because he was a drawing in a book? Not sure. Luckily he turns into one of the co-eds pretty quickly so we don't have to think too much about that. And hey! David Carradine is here. That's pretty fun right? He's like a bad guy, but really t...
2020-10-221h 09Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #82 Witchouse 3 : Demon FireWhen Annie leaves her abusive boyfriend, she heads over to her friend's house for solace. Little does she know, this house... is a witch house. Or Witchouse. Whatever. It's really more of a witch-apartment. Or Witchapartment. On the plus side, it has a witch hot-tub. Or Witchotub. Anyway, they get drunk and summon an evil witch. Like you do when you're on the rebound. Witch is mad. Witch kills people. Yadda Yadda, big twist ending.
So throw away your sports bras, grab your Sony Hi8 camcorder, and put on some inexplicable hillbilly teeth as Matt and Tristan e...
2020-10-161h 10Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #81 Scared Stiff (1987)When pop-star Kate and her son Jason move into an antebellum home with a horrible history of slavery, murder, and voodoo curses to live with her lover and ex-psychiatrist, things SHOCKINGLY go poorly. Between demon possession, murderous pigeons, a haunted piano and a hanged muppet, this movie delivers on all fronts. So put on your "Beat of the Heart" record, get yourself a big ole' head-zipper, and join Matt and Tristan as they smash themselves over the head with the offensive lamp that is Scared Stiff.
2020-10-091h 32Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #79 : Cellar Dweller (1988)When famed IC Comics artist Colin Childress summons a demon from hell by using art references from what appears to be a copy of the Necronomicon made by local kindergarteners, he smartly sends it back by burning the art that summoned it. Unfortunately, being a bit of a klutz, he also burns himself alive in the process. Thirty years later, Childress super-fan and up and coming comic artist Whitney decides to enroll in an art school that occupies the exact building where Childress died. In an attempt to make "THE ULTIMATE MONSTER" she summons the same demon, and it...
2020-09-241h 03Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #78 Sundown : The Vampire in Retreat (1989)Definitely in the top five of anyone's list of Vampire-Westerns, Sundown : The Vampire in Retreat is the story of a neglectful husband who is too obsessed with curing disease and helping the stupid sick and suffering to properly bone down with his wife. She responds by having an affair with a vampire. This vampire then hires the husband to work at the local blood factory in hopes of murdering him and taking his wife for himself. Also, there's a daughter who's obsessed with vampires, who may or may not be his daughter, and also may have psychic vampire dream...
2020-09-171h 51Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #77 : Pieces (1982)Papa Roach probably said it best when they said, "Wait...why do we only get 2 drink tickets? Are we even getting paid for this? Come on. At least give us gas money. This is the worst Chuck E. Cheese we've ever played."
When a child who may be named Timmy or Tommy (I don't have the energy to figure out which) gets caught assembling a nudie puzzle by his mother, he overreacts, just a tad, and kills his mother with an axe. Having learned all he knows about women from his sexy jigsaw puzzle, he does the...
2020-09-101h 23Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast Bonus Episode: Madhouse (1981) w/ Special Guest Damian MaffeiSisters. Sisters. There were never such devoted sisters. They walk alike, they talk alike and sometimes one of them contracts a flesh-eating virus that renders her visage as monstrous as her sadistic soul, and then, breaking her restraints, escapes her hospital bed and embarks upon a murderous rampage using a weaponized attack Rottweiler and assistance from her insane uncle who is also a priest who then throws a basement corpse party for their birthdays. What a crazy pair!
Tristan and special guest Damian Maffei (Haunt, Strangers : Prey at Night) speak over a terrible zoom interface a...
2020-09-081h 35Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #76 Watchers IIIt turns out that the government thought that this dog-infiltrates-enemy-base, monster-hunts-dog weapons program was a strong enough concept to warrant a second go. This time they renamed it the Aesop Project, after rapper Aesop Rock, because he also removes people's eyes when he kills them. This time around the monster is a reused rubber suit from an earlier film, and the star power is Mark Singer, best known from the inescapable TBS stalwart, The Beastmaster. This movie features a driving dog, a living room swing set, and some of the bluest lighting this side of an Eiffel 66 video. Join...
2020-08-211h 25Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #75 Watchers (1988)When an explosion in a secret government genetics lab and monster training facility releases a dog hating Sasquatch and the hyper intelligent golden retriever that he's psychically bonded to, there's only one person you can count on to round him up, Canada's scariest bald guy, Michael Ironsides. The government's Sasquatch wreaks havoc across the country side until a final confrontation in Corey Haim's ancestral hunting cabin. So get in your antique truck, feather your mullet, and join Matt and Tristan as they track down the Scrabble playing super-dog that is, Watchers.
2020-08-141h 48Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #73 Cameron's Closet (1988)Do you want to know what lives in the closet? Well, it's a bit complicated. He's a demon that little Cameron summoned with his psychic powers. But he only did it because his dad had an idol with his image on it that he gave Cameron because he was too cheap for a Skeletor figure to fight his unlicensed He-Man knockoff figure.
While Cameron is slowly manifesting this demon into the real world, he's blowing through father figures like Kleenex. Once he's down to the last father figure in the box (Sam) he finally decides to use...
2020-08-071h 32Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #72 Popcorn (1991)Popcorn is like Phantom of the Opera, but instead of Opera, it's got movies about killer mosquitos. Instead of Andrew Lloyd Webber music you get reggae. And where there was once a tragic performer haunting the theater and singing beautiful duets with a talented new Prima with whom he shares a bond deeper than life itself, you have a guy named Toby who keeps a sink full of faces. Better right? Obvi. Grab your ceremonial dagger, your box full of stink pellets, and join Tristan and Matt as they zip-line their way into one of the best meta horror...
2020-07-311h 48Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #71 DEMONS (1985)Demons is a cautionary tale about the dangers of skipping class and going to free movie screenings. Also, it's a cautionary tale about not naming your child Urbano Barbarini, which nobody can convince me is not just Italian for Urban Barbarian. When two college girls skip class because a man with a half-metal face gives them free movie tickets, they wind up getting sealed up in a cursed building overrun by both demons and broad stereotypes. Goop flies six ways to Sunday, faces are ripped, fingers eaten, and a dirt-bike katana demon battle unlike any other ensues. What's up...
2020-07-241h 28Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #69 Ice Cream Man (1995)"But who will bring the ice cream?" The innocent words of a young Clint Howard, as he eats a pushup next to the body of yet another ice cream delivery professional struck down by vicious gangsters in a scene that is becoming all too familiar in suburban neighborhoods. In this brave film, we are given a rare opportunity to see the world through the Ice Cream Man's eyes. A world where not every day is a happy, happy, happy day.
Once he has finally left the asylum, which may or may not be run by clowns, Ice...
2020-06-261h 46Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #68 : Shocking Dark (1989)In the future, Venice will be a toxic hellscape of mutant monsters and zombie-like crazies with guns. But not to worry. Megaforce, the greatest fighting team ever assembled, is here to protect what I believe to be an abandoned power plant. Many mutants will be dispatched, many dummies will be thrown over railings, and many copyrights will be infringed.
In fact, for more information about the plot and dialog, just go to IMDB and look up the plot to Aliens. It's almost verbatim.
Remember when that middle school class put on production of Aliens, and S...
2020-06-1959 minFun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #67 : Deep Space (1988)If you ever saw the movie Alien and thought, "Why isn't this a low budget buddy cop movie?". Fred Olen Ray has you covered. In what looks to be a 15 minute short film stretched to feature length using scenes of lab guys saying things like, "Shut it down!," and "It appears to have gone dormant." We have our hero shooting kids for stealing halloween masks, stealing alien eggs from the scene of a multiple homicide, having an inappropriate office romance with a woman approximately six-hundred years his junior, and abusing the tough guy cliche of using scotch as a...
2020-06-051h 14Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #66 Witchtrap (1989)Although the titular trap is mostly forgotten until the end, it does indeed trap witches. Or ghosts. Or the ghosts of warlocks if you're being specific. But not well. And technically it vacuums them up. So, although this may have the same director, same villain, and same premise as the Witchboard movies, I think of it as really more of a prequel to the Luigi's Mansion games.
So grab your beeping ghost-vacuum, the heart of an evil warlock, and drink down your favorite jar of cremains with neanderfucks Matt and Tristan as they spring 1989's classic film...
2020-05-291h 26Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #65 : Witchboard 3 The PosessionWhen failing stock broker Brian hits rock bottom after literally failing at every aspect of his life except being hot and having a hot wife he decides to take stock tips from his creepy occultist landlord's ouija board. After his stock purchases lead him to murder a loan shark and his goon, he tries to destroy the board, it electrocutes him, and hijacks his body. Now it's a wacky race against time to get his body back. Join Matt, Tristan, and Nargor and his Cult of Fertility as they dissect the Satanic stock trading romp, Witchboard 3 : The Posession.
2020-05-211h 28Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #65 Witchboard 2 : The Devil's Doorway (1993)After a Ouija board (or for copyright reasons, "Witchboard") falls out of the closet of her new loft apartment, accountant and aspiring artist Paige becomes obsessed with solving the murder of a woman who's spirit is stuck in her building because she might have been murdered there.
That's cool and all, but I guess all you really need to know about this movie is that there's a scene in which a wrecking ball kills a hippie and demolishes her microbus.
Join Matt and Tristan as they get progressively entrapped by the off-brand Ouija board that i...
2020-05-071h 24Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #64 Witchboard (1986)When stereotypical frat douche Brandon whips out his ouija board at a fancy dress party, no surprise, it brings the festivities to a screeching halt faster than if he'd started playing that one Everlast song on an acoustic guitar. In addition to killing the party's vibe, he also summons a dead axe murdering psycho who used to live in the house, all while emasculating Tawny Kitaen's new boyfriend by insulting him while giving Tawny weird limp handed back-rubs. It's a showdown for the fate of her soul pitting the goodness of a dude who only proves himself to not b...
2020-04-301h 23Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #63 Dr. Giggles (1992) Social Distancing Zoom Edition!When the residents of a small Oregon town Freddy Krueger the local doctor for harvesting hearts to repair his dead wife, lil baby Dr Giggles escapes the murder mob by hiding inside the corpse of his dead mother. He gets caught at age 7 and put into a mental institution where he gets his doctorate in giggology. Eventually he escapes and returns to his home town to punish random people who had nothing to do with his father's death. Join Matt and Tristan as they talk in fun robot voices over Zoom. This one sounds like shit, but it's fun...
2020-04-221h 27Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast Special Self-Isolation Episode : Freeway Maniac (1989)Traumatized by seeing his mother having sex with a low rent Andrew Dice Clay, Arthur goes bonkers and kills them both. Thanks to a combination high protein asylum food, and regular exercise, Arthur grows up to be a huge pro-wrestler sized spree killer. He kills a ton of people, but gets obsessed with the one that got away. She happens to be an actress shooting a sci-fi movie in the desert, which allows them to showcase some terrible costumes, and some amazing Gahan Wilson monsters. As we're in the midst of a global apocalypse, Matt was unavailable, so Tristan...
2020-03-241h 05Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #62 : Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)Sorority Babes is an example of a movie. Join Matt, Tristan, and special guest Brandon Kawashima for a podcast which discusses it.
2020-03-121h 16Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #61 Night of the Comet (1984) Have you ever seen Omega Man and wished it was full of Valley Girls? I may have a film for you.
On the night of the return of the comet that killed the dinosaurs, our hero Reggie is too busy playing Tempest and getting busy to go out and watch. This, combined with the steel shielding in the building saved her from a fate of becoming either a pile of dust, or one of what seems like maybe 3 zombies in all of LA. As zombie movies go, not really such a bad deal for our heroes. But like e...
2020-03-051h 05Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #60 Ghoulies 3 : Ghoulies go to College (1991)If you like Richard Kind making ADR poop jokes, I've got a movie for you. If you like your kids movies peppered with murder and nudity, I have a movie for you. If you like a movie that starts in the toilet and never really leaves, I've got a movie for you. So, put on your yanking crown, fill your squirt gun with goofy glue, and join Matt and Tristan as they shove their heads into the demonic toilet that is, Ghoulies 3.
2020-02-201h 10Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #59 The Initiation (1984)In the final entry in our Mall Madness Month here at the Fun Box Monster Podcast, we take a trip to The Fairchild Building for a sorority prank gone wrong epic. Kelly is a troubled young lady pledging an upscale sorority. For Hell Week she and her fellow pledges are tasked with stealing the clothes off a security guard in her father's store, which is 20 stories tall, and approximately 50 square miles of retail space. People die, secrets are revealed and recycled soap opera plots are shamelessly unleashed. Get your roller-skates strapped on, shave yourself the weirdest pencil thin mustache...
2020-02-061h 21Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #58 Chopping Mall (1986)With a name like Chopping Mall I expect one thing. Savings. Rock bottom pricing on name brands. And we get it. Plus, some scenes of robots murdering sexy teens. But mostly savings. So break up your furniture store sex party, set fire to your gas cans, and steer clear of that paint store, because that thing's a death trap...and join Matt and Tristan for Chopping Mall.
2020-01-311h 16Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #52 Silent Night Deadly Night 5 (1991)Here's the problem with Christmas. Everybody's so worried about Grinches and Bumbles and whatever, that they forget to look out for the more prosaic horrors, like cyborg children built by an alcoholic Mickey Rooney who build boobytrapped toys to kill kids and get adopted by their moms. Especially, when it turns out that your dad is accidentally killed, and he turns out to not be your real dad, and your real dad turns out to be some weird mall Santa who buys too many toys and spends all day cruising around residential neighborhoods looking in kid's windows, and you...
2019-12-061h 27Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #50 Society (1989)Rich people are weird, right? Like, they're just gooier than the rest of us. Knowing just how gooey they are, it should be of no surprise to any of us when they start raising lower class people in their giant mansions, giving them everything they could ever want, then suck out their life force in a ritualistic orgy where they all just kinda blend into a giant ambrosia salad of skin and organs. If this sounds like your cup of tea...(it's a reference.) then grab your never-ending bottle of suntan lotion, your sweet party-jeep, and your best shunting...
2019-11-211h 30Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #49 Pledge Night (1990)If you watched Stephen King's Dreamcatcher, and thought..."Gee...this movie's great and all, but I wish there was more butt-stuff." We have the movie for you. Acid Sid is the ghost of a murdered frat pledge who has returned from the grave to kill off the new pledges at a fraternity who's name sounds like peen. After a bunch of ass paddling, and other ass games, we get down to some serious murder. Some of it involving the exploding of people's asses. So grab your anchovy paste, a toilet banana, and a selection of mildly tainted maraschino cherries a...
2019-11-141h 09Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #48 Night of the Demons 2 (1994)Angela's back and she's having a party. I mean...not actually a party. And she's not having the party. It's actually a dance at a Catholic school. And the people involved don't actually go to the party. They go to Hull house to play a mean spirited prank that goes nowhere and isn't even slightly funny. Then they leave. But things really get going once Angela takes her sister away from the Catholic school and they go BACK TO HULL HOUSE? Once they realize that holy water can kill/save/explode/melt the demons depending on what is needed...
2019-11-071h 21Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #47 The Pit (1981) Instead of developing coping mechanisms that might help him with the daily worries and disappointments that the average child faces, Jamie tends to solve all his problems by throwing them into a pit filled with prehistoric carnivores. This combined with him being a weird little perv, makes him a pretty unpopular kid.
Jamie is a great example of why the mental health field has never opted to incorporate huge pits full of murderous troglodytes into their child therapy sessions.
So grab your favorite filthy teddy bear, some artistic nudes, around 20 pounds of miscellaneous meats and join Trist...
2019-10-241h 28Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #44 Children of the Night (1991)This film is constructed like a Swiss digital watch that's linked to the Geneva laser grid. You think this is just another vampire movie? Think again! It's a vampire movie where the vampires sleep with their lungs outside their bodies. Why? Well...because. Breathing is...umm... Shut up. That's why. So put on your fruit hat, grab your golf club, and drive your crazy person Jesus van to join Matt and Tristan for 1991's Children of the Night.
2019-10-031h 13Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #43 Maximum Overdrive (1986)Maximum Overdrive is the story of a huge semi-truck...full of cocaine that pulled up outside Stephen King's house. After snorting a metric ton of it, he wrote this nutso movie. And thank god he did. This is the movie that's so beautifully stupid that nobody else would have dared to make it. I wake up every day thanking my lucky stars that Stephen King hadn't hit rock bottom before he got to make this beautiful disaster. What do you get when you mix an armory full of weapons, a bunch of drunk Australians singing about doing it, a...
2019-09-261h 28Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #40 The Dead Pit (1989)After spending 20 years buried in a pit with his victims, a murderous, undead brain doctor is set loose. When an earthquake powerful enough to break the joint compound holding him prisoner sets off a chain of events including: Murder. Mayhem. Pantslessness. Occult sacrifices, and crop tops. All this and a hole in the ground full of dead mental patients who love to take people's brains out and play with them for reasons we are not privy to. So, put on your rubber gloves, your biggest ring, and your best bikini underwear and join Matt and Tristan as they dig...
2019-08-221h 10Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #39 Stephen King's Silver Bullet (1985)Silver Bullet is a harrowing tale of child neglect and endangerment in a town full of drunken gun-toting hicks, werewolves, and Gary Busey. It all starts when a dangerous alcoholic named, "Red" builds a deadly motorized contraption for his nephew and then hands him a sack of illegal fireworks and no helmet. Then some stuff with a werewolf priest happens. Join Matt and Tristan as they shoot the eye out of the meddling little shit that is... Stephen King's Silver Bullet.
2019-08-151h 33Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #38 The Horror Show AKA House 3 (1989)After the 110th murder committed by Meat Cleaver Max the police are finally ready to send him a stern warning. They send their bravest police officer, Detective Lucas McCarthy, and his disposable partner to the combination steel mill and diner where Max is holed up. Lucas arrests Max, but not before Max kills Lucas' partner and 3 other people, scarring Lucas for life. Looking for closure, Lucas goes to watch Max being executed in what looks like a racquetball court. As it happens, Max was prepared for this eventuality, and uses some sort of evil electricity to come back from t...
2019-08-081h 12Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #37 Class of 1999 (1990)If memory serves, this is film was a perfect time capsule of the way the world was in 1999. Like Stacy Keach, I too was wearing Halloween store novelty contact lenses and a white Rat-Tail/Mullet mashup haircut. Kids were going nuts for milk and bananas, and nearly my entire graduating class was murdered by malfunctioning robot teachers. So, put on your Pam Grier wig, take a hit of Edge, and join Matt, Tristan and returning guest Damian Maffei for the starkly realistic look at the Seattle educational system of twenty years ago that is Class of 1999.
2019-07-111h 21Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #36 Hello Mary Lou : Prom Night 2 (1987)If you put Carrie, The Exorcist, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Degrassi Jr. High into a blender, the film smoothie that you'd pour out would look suspiciously like Prom Night 2. When Michael Ironsides accidentally kills his horrid, abusive girlfriend with a stink bomb, her soul gets trapped in a piece of luggage. Twenty-fiveish years later, a plain-Jane blonde girl named Vicky, with an abusive uptight religious mother (and father who is only there to repel any copyright claims from Stephen King), finds said soul-trunk and opens it, freeing fifties bad-girl/burn victim, Mary Lou. Mary Lou's ghost keeps swiping...
2019-07-041h 11Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #35 C.H.U.D. (1984)When the sewers of New York start overflowing with nuclear mutant monsters, you can count on Kevin's dad from Home Alone and one of the Wet Bandits to beat them back. Is CHUD a ham-fisted environmental allegory? A throwback fifties sci-fi homage? Is it perhaps not the best movie to talk about on a podcast because it's all just super theatrical dialog? Maybe it's all of these!
You'll scream as a photographer turns down any opportunity to make money, and whines like a five year old when he's forced to do a couple of hours of actual...
2019-06-201h 03Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #32 The Prophecy (1979) W/ Guest Damian MaffeiMatt and Tristan are joined by star of stage and screen, Damian Maffei (who you may know as the Man in the Mask from Strangers : Prey at Night) to discuss the Maine based eco-horror classic, The Prophecy. The Prophecy is the story of how New Yorkers shouldn't have babies, and paper plants shouldn't make mutants. There's at least one Mambo King in this movie, and an actress from Ernest Goes to Camp. Also, that lady from Rocky. So cook yourself up a nice plate of mutant-fish and pour yourself a nice glass of Mercury, as Tristan, Matt and Damian...
2019-05-301h 13Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #31 House Where Evil Dwells (1982) When a weird dude with a mustache brings his family to Japan to (write an article for a magazine maybe?) he moves them into a haunted house where he proceeds to cosplay as a samurai, a karate instructor, a business casual samurai, and a Trappist Monk. To his family's dismay, the house is haunted by a love triangle murder suicide from the 1800's. Also, some ghost crabs that speak spooky Japanese. The (non-crab) ghosts proceed to possess the family members in an attempt to recreate the circumstances of their death, for reasons that only ghosts may know. Things go s...
2019-05-241h 09Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #30 Deadly Friend (1986)When the smartest robotics engineer at brain college loses both his robot Beebee and girlfriend in one week, he goes full Herbert West and uses his robot's brain to reanimate his dead girlfriend. She lives in his shed while exacting revenge on everybody in the neighborhood that looked at her sideways. (Also, being Wes Craven's movie, they found a few creative ways to put a furnace and a burned faced dream guy into some scenes) Matt and Tristan shape our hands into robot claws, put on some fetching blue eye-shadow, and run headlong into the barrel of missed opportunities...
2019-05-161h 13Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #29 Ninja III The Domination (1984)If you're like me, and I mostly am, the eighties mean one thing to you. Ninjas. Those silky suited little dickenses were everywhere. True story, I once left a dorm on my college campus and there was a ninja just hanging out in a tree. 8am on a weekday. Just sitting there. Why? Fucked if I know. There was no reason. Like this movie. Why would you make a ninja movie about a possessed phone company line person who moonlights as an aerobics instructor? You wouldn't. It shouldn't be done. But dammit, I'm mighty glad it was. Join Matt...
2019-05-091h 15Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #28 Slumber Party Massacre 2 (1987)Nothing ruins a slumber party like a rockabilly (ghost?) with a drill guitar, murdering your friends while singing and dancing like he's in an unlicensed knock-off production of Grease. But, it does make for compelling cinema. Join Tristan and Matt as they buzz their way through the singingest, dancingest, slasher film of the eighties, Slumber Party Massacre 2.
2019-05-021h 16Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #27 Evolver (1995)When the guy that played, "Q" from Star Trek the Next Generation had his military grade killbot program shut down, he took the only reasonable action: Repurposing said killbot as a children's toy. Somehow this bold marketing strategy backfires and a bunch of people get killed. This is the world of Evolver. Features Arcade Punks, janky robots, really well known character actors, hacking scenes complete with nonsensical buzzwords, and a mom character that is so unlikable it's shocking she survives the movie. Join Matt and Tristan as they attempt to beat level 4 of EVOLVER.
2019-04-251h 08Fun Box Monster PodcastFun Box Monster Podcast #25 Spookies (1988)Once upon a time, some old guy in an attic with deep vein thrombosis of the forehead, lured some middle-aged teens into an old house. This house was haunted by...well, pretty much everything. There's zombies. There's a vest wearing were-cat. Some copyright infringing Ghoulies. A hallway monster with a tentacle that melts your face. There's a Spider-Lady, a glowing ball-head lady, some fart monsters, and too many others to count. Despite this movie being cut down to 45 minutes and then rebuilt by a new director who had never seen a horror movie, this movie has a certain something...
2019-04-111h 10