Shows
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, The Last EpisodeTucker Max, Nils Parker, and Charlie Hoehn talk about the end of the beginning for Joe and what he needs to do moving forward to improve his life, including how to find a good therapist.
2016-02-091h 10
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 23: Putting it all together with a Mating PlanIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 23 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller talk about how to put everything in the book together to create a specifc mating plan for your life and then to go take action.
When you inevitably screw up or fail, come back to the book, reread the chapters, adjust your plan or actions, and keep going.
2015-09-1711 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 22: Having SexIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 22 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller talk about how to look at sex as a means to an end, not an end in itself. It is just another part, the most intense part, of courtship or mating.
They also go over why penis size isn't as important as you think. Women care about many other traits first, which they explain here.
And becau...
2015-09-1610 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 21: How To Go Out On First DatesIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 21 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain what a date actually is, what the most important parts of a first date are, and why the checklist details don't matter that much.
They also go over what makes a great date place, spending money, and displaying your strengths.
2015-09-0914 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 20: How To Talk To WomenIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 20 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller talk about the #1 question that they get from guys ("How do I talk to girls?" or "What do I say to her?"), and why it's not the most important thing to focus on.
Your traits and proofs (see past episodes) are fundamental to your mating success. Talking to women is just a way to reveal or signal those at...
2015-09-0819 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 19: How & Where To Meet The Women You WantIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 19 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain why for most guys volunteering is a better activity to meet women than going to bars and clubs. Make your mating life an extension of your social life.
They also go over more ways to meet women that fit your personality.
2015-09-0214 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 18: Mate Preferences And How To Pick WomenIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 18 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain that when you improve your mate value and have more options, you need to develop your mate preferences. Which women do you want? They go over the 3 stages of choice in the human mating world and how men and women have different options and bargaining power at each stage.
2015-09-0113 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 17: Where To Meet Women (Mating Markets)In this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 17 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain what a mating market is and how to adjust your mating market to meet a lot more women. In short, it's the supply & demand of dating.
They go over the different levels of picking a mating market from your country down to your neighborhood and even your job, giving many specific examples.
2015-08-2615 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 16: Romantic Proof And Showing InterestIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 16 of The Mate Preview, Tucker & Dr. Miller explain how being romantic is not what you think (you don't need rose petals and candles) and how to pull it off by showing women your interest and intentions the right way.
2015-08-2518 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 15: Aesthetic Proof And Sense Of StyleIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 15 of The Mate Preview, Tucker and Dr. Miller explain how men evolved to show off to women and what most guys don't understand about how women look at your aesthetics and cleanliness.
They then go over the attractive skills you can build and how to invest in good style without getting into awful fads.
2015-08-1915 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 14: Material Proof (Money)In this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 14 of The Mate Preview, Tucker and Dr. Miller, explain how women don't care about how much money you have, but they do care about what your financial resources signal about the attractive traits you have.
And it's not about what you have. It's how you use it. For example, fun experiences are more attractive to most women than expensive material goods.
"Most women would rather ha...
2015-08-1817 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Test A Woman To Learn Who She Really Is?In this Q&A, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain how to learn more about a potential long-term girlfriend (or anyone really). They give many ideas for how to force people to show you who they really are so that you can decide if you want to move forward in that relationship or not.
2015-08-1316 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 13: Social Proof And Prestige (Social Status)In this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 13 of The Mate Preview, Tucker and Dr. Miller explain why women in general are more attracted to your prestige in a group than they are to your fame, money, or an alpha male attitude. That is what most guys get wrong about social status.
Having good social skills not only makes you more attractive to women, but also introduces you to more women.
They also go...
2015-08-1211 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 12: How To Signal Your Attractive Traits To WomenIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 12 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain that just developing attractive traits is not enough. You must also signal (show, not tell) to women that you have these traits.
They go over signals that are visual (what you look like, what you wear, etc.) and behavioral (your activities, what you say & do, etc.) and how to signal your attractive traits.
For...
2015-08-1112 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Do My Friends Have "High Standards" But No Women Around?In this Q&A Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain the many possible things going on when men who are not successful with women at all say that they have "high standards" when looking for women to date. What's most likely is that these guys are either very young or afraid to get rejected and fail.
2015-08-0613 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 11: The Agreeableness & Assertiveness Traits (Nice Guys Vs. Assholes)In this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 11 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how women don't want only assholes or just nice guys, but they do want men who are tough and assertive to the world but kind and caring to them; a tender defender.
They go over how to improve and display both agreeable and assertiveness.
For more on the tender defender, listen to our previ...
2015-08-0510 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 10: The Willpower TraitIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 10 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how willpower is the key to being an effective man, which ultimately is what women want (listen to The Mate Preview, Pt. 6: What Women Want)
They go over how to build willpower, including the first key mindset that you need to adopt, the 5 steps to setting & accomplishing goals, and the multiple ways to display your willpower to wom...
2015-08-0416 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastI Get Depressed When I See Friends With Hot Girls. What Should I Do?The answer to this question may seem obvious (and part of it is obvious), but Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain the deeper emotional issues going on with this guy, the many problems with his mindset, and ways to avoid this pessimism.
2015-07-3014 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 9: The Intelligence TraitIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 9 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain the 6 types of intelligence and why women care about them. They also go over a few ways you can improve and display your intelligence to women.
For more on the intelligence trait and how to display your intelligence, listen to our previous podcast episodes.
2015-07-2914 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 8: The Mental Health TraitIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 8 of The Mate Preview, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain why women care about your mental health (happiness, openness, and playfulness). It is a way for women to see that you are not a threat and that your brain is effective. They go over what you can do today to become more brain healthy and display that to women.
For more on the mental health trait, ...
2015-07-2816 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Skills Should All Men Have?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how there is no checklist of skills that a real man should have. In general, women care much more about your personality traits and behaviors than any specific skill.
2015-07-2309 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 7: The Physical Health TraitIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 7, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils go over why your health is so important to women and why it's not just about looking good. If you have a good body and are in shape, it signals you have deeper underlying traits of effectiveness. (Remember, women care about effectiveness in men, see The Mate Preview, Pt.6)
They also explain how you don't need to be a bodybuilder or an athl...
2015-07-2215 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 6: What Women Want & Why They Want ItIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 6, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils go over what women want on a deep biological level and why they evolved to want these things in men. Dr. Miller is one of the world's leading experts on female mate choice. To sum up all the research, women evolved to want effective men.
For more on understanding what women want, listen to our previous podcast episodes.
2015-07-2116 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 5: How To Figure Out What You WantIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 5, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how to figure out exactly what it is you want so you can direct your mating efforts to honestly getting that with women or a woman who wants the same thing.
You not only deserve to ask yourself "What do I want," but you need to.
For more on understanding yourself and what you want, listen to our previous p...
2015-07-1516 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 4: What You Need To Understand About WomenIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 4, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils go over the multiple ways women experience the world and dating that are different than how men do, including major female fears, worries, concerns, and thought patterns in mating.
These are not opinions or moralizing lessons but based on the best current research on women's psychology and sex differences.
For more on understanding what it's like to be a woman who...
2015-07-1437 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 24This week is our second episode of Helping Joe with four people on the mics (Tucker Max, Charlie Hoehn, Nils Parker, & Joe). This episode picks up where the guys left off in Episode 23. Joe starts by reading his crazy (but hilarious) inner thoughts that he kept track of during the past week. The guys figure out why Joe has these thoughts and emotional reactions by exploring his relationship with his mom. Joe shares stories from his childhood and learns that every one is dealt a different hand of cards at birth and in life. His job here is to...
2015-07-1335 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 3: What Confidence Is & How To Build ConfidenceIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 3, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils go over confidence, competence, and the sociometer theory. They explain why there are no shortcuts to building true confidence.
2015-07-0818 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Get Out Of The Friend Zone?In this Q&A, Tucker Max and Nils Parker explain how to understand women and why they put guys in the friend zone so you don't get stuck there in the first place or can get out of it. Also, it's okay to just be friends with attractive women.
2015-07-0734 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 2: Why This Book Is DifferentIn this preview series, we go over each chapter in our upcoming book, Mate: Become the Man Women Want, explaining key takeaways and what to expect.
In Part 2, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how Mate is different and talk about the five fundamental principles that need to govern all your mating decisions.
2015-07-0230 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Deal With Trust Issues?Don't date women that lie to you! In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils talk about what this caller's deeper issues are and why he put up with a bad girlfriend for so long.
2015-06-3019 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mate Preview, Pt. 1: Why We Wrote This BookThis episode is the beginning of a preview of our upcoming book, Mate: Become The Man Women Want. In this series, we go over each chapter in the book, explaining what's in it and what to expect.
In the first part of this series, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how this book came about, why they decided to write it, and why men need to read it.
2015-06-2524 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Can I Be A Minimalist And Still Attract Women?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how being a minimalist or financially independent and spending money on experiences are attractive to women but being cheap is NOT attractive. What matters is being generous with what you do have, which doesn't just have to be money or possessions.
2015-06-2420 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Can I Be Vulnerable Without Being Needy Or Whiny?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how most men misunderstand vulnerability, why your emotional needs as a man are valid ("We're not just walking penises."), and why women actually love emotionally open (but not emotionally unstable) men. They also give small steps you can take to start practicing vulnerability in your everyday life.
For more on vulnerability, start by reading Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown, the best book out there on the empirical research. And go listen to the Helping Joe series where Joe is vulnerable in a non-needy way about problems in...
2015-06-2320 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Stop Dating Crazy Women?ÂIf you date the same type of crazy woman over and over again, the problem is not them, it's you. In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how to recognize crazy or bipolar women and avoid them. They also talk about why this caller has a pattern of beign attracted to them and if therapy is needed.
2015-06-1814 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastI'm 18, In High School, And Failing With Girls. What Do I Do?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain why high school, ages 15-18, are the worst years for men and dealing with women. It's important to keep this in perspective: it's normal to feel frustrated and your best years are ahead of you. We cover this in more in depth in our What Men Need To Know episode.
2015-06-1717 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastShould I Go For Personality Over Looks In A Longterm Mate?In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Nils Parker poke fun at a caller who is looking for a way to absolve himself of his absurd narcissism and ridiculous lack of self-awareness. The words he uses signal problems in his mating life that start with him. They explain where and how to start fixing them (similar to our other narcissism Q&A). On a more serious note, they answer his question of how to balance competing factors (ex. looks, intelligence, personality, etc.) when seeking a longterm mate.
2015-06-1621 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Set Boundaries With My Girlfriend?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils strongly advise that this caller break up with his girlfriend if he already has not because there are so many red flags in his call. Her behavior is not normal girlfriend behavior. They also explain how to set normal boundaries with a girlfiriend in a relationship, including ways to bring this up and talk about it.
2015-06-1024 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastIf I Have Health Problems, How Do I Meet & Date Women?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Dr. Perilloux explain the benefits of dealing with a low-level health problem and why women would be attracted to a guy who overcame that problem and changed his life for the better.
They've said this in past episodes: Having a serious disability can be an advantage in mating if you get everything else right and are honest about it upfront.
You can become an effective hero or resilient survivor which are very attractive.
2015-06-0910 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 19On this episode of Helping Joe, Joe talks about his funny improv show and dives deeper into why he has trouble taking genuine compliments from others. He gives the guys updates on the girl he likes from improv (It didn't go well) and the girl he has been dating and having sex with (This was better). Charlie Hoehn and Tucker Max give Joe advice on how to recover and get a girl interested in you again, how to last longer in bed, and how to have the medium-term / casual relationship talk.
2015-06-081h 03
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Prevent Premature Ejaculation?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how every guy at some point in this life has had trouble with premature ejaculation. It is nothing to be ashamed about because all men have been through this, especially at younger ages. They also give many techniques and exercises to avoid coming too quickly and have better sex. Dr. Miller recommends She Comes First.
2015-06-0320 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Figure Out And Fix My Emotional Issues?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain why this is the wrong question to ask and give a better question (“What are my goals?”) to ask yourself so you can figure out where you want to go and what obstacles are in your way. Tucker gives an example from his own life about how he achieved his mating goal through psychotherapy, and Dr. Miller talks about how to reach out to your family for help uncovering your emotional blind spots. They also share advice on finding a good therapist if you really need therapy.
2015-06-0220 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 18 Part 1This week on Helping Joe we split this long episode into two parts. In Part 1, Joe talks about updates from past dates, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn comment on his progress since beginning the podcast, and they dig deeper into his sex shame issues. Joe finally has sex but comes too quick (premature ejaculation), which is the opposite physical problem of his previous issue with getting hard. Tucker explains how this is even possible and gives Joe a few short-term fixes to help with this, including how to find out what she likes in bed. They also talk about...
2015-06-011h 01
The Mating Grounds PodcastI'm Like Joe But Older And Desperate. What Do I Do?There are no do-overs in life. In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain how this older caller needs to be honest with himself about who he is and where he is in his life to still attract and date great women. Lowering standards a bit and expanding criteria for a mate can greatly increase your dating pool. What matters is finding happiness with someone you are suited for, not someone you wish you had found when you were 28. They also explain where and how to meet women that are a better fit for an older guy...
2015-05-2823 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Are The Best Cities For Men?In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils list cities that are great mating markets for men and explain how a mating market is much more than just a city's male:female ratio. It depends on many other factors like your mating goal, your interests, what type of woman you are looking for, her interests, and more.
2015-05-2715 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Tell A New Girlfriend I'm Friends With My Ex?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Dr. Carin Perilloux talk about how it’s unusual to be best friends with an ex and that future girlfriends will be worried about this. It’s best to be upfront with why you are friends because the research says most men want to have sex with their female friends. They explain how to move forward with a new relationship while still being friends with an ex and how to talk about this with your next girlfriend.
2015-05-2617 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastBad Advice From The Internet: "Just Believe In Yourself And Go Talk To Her."In this episode of Bad Advice, Tucker Max explains how "just believe in yourself" is toxic advice that encourages delusional self-confidence, which doesn’t work for 90% of guys. It makes them feel worse because they can’t just believe in themselves. The empirical evidence shows that is not how confidence works.
Confidence comes from preparation, practice, and action (doing things). Start small with simple tasks, low stakes. We talked about this in our social anxiety episode. This is also how athletes build foundational skills and get better at their sport.
2015-05-2109 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Do I Like This Type Of Porn?First, it's important to mention that nearly all guys watch porn. In this Q&A, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils explain why men are into so many different types of porn (US map of top genres by state) and the many reasons why watching porn is good, from emotional self-improvement to decreasing crime. This caller may be using porn as a way to heal the trauma of a bad breakup. Tucker also tells a story about Dr. Miller's funny Amazon recommendations.
2015-05-2024 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Do Women Suddenly Break Up With Me?
When you see a pattern in your life (something happens to you over and over again) it’s likely your fault, not that of those around you. In this Q&A, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Dr. Carin Perilloux lay out many possible issues in your life that could be causing a pattern of women getting to know you and then prematurely breaking up with you. And some women make big dating decisions based on small things that most men don’t even notice.
2015-05-1917 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastIs This Girl Just Using Me?This is an odd call because it’s a classic problem that women usually have. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain how this is a normal issue because both the caller and the girl he is sleeping with are young, inexperienced, and exploring. She just might not want to date him. They talk about how to figure this out and what to do if that’s the case.
2015-05-1412 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Bring My Girlfriend Home If My Family Doesn't Accept Me?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain how your family can impact a woman’s judgement of you and your mate value, but it’s not a major factor that women evaluate you on. If your family doesn’t accept you, it’s usually due to a family mistake or general toxicity and not your fault. Tucker came from an awful family but was still able to marry a fantastic woman. They talk about when and how to tell your girlfriend about these issues so she doesn't assume the worst. And remember, she's on...
2015-05-1319 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Go From Conversation To Sex?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Dr. Carin Perilloux explain how genuinely connecting and NOT thinking about women as objects or thinking about sex as a separate thing or on a different level will actually lead to more sex with women. There are no right words or moves that work every time, but there are signs to look for if a woman is into you and wants to move foreward. For a good example of this, see Helping Joe, Episode 14 @ minute 55:00.
2015-05-1222 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastBad Advice From The Internet: "Sleep With A Lot Of Women To Get Good In Bed."In this episode of Bad Advice From The Internet, Tucker Max explains how sleeping with a lot of women to get good sexually is the opposite of the truth. Having sex with different women is great, but if you want to get better in bed it's much easier to do that by connecting with one woman and having sex with her over and over. The way you get good at any skill is by practicing and getting good at the skill of sex is about being comfortable and getting reps. That practice with one will help with all because...
2015-05-0709 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Hook Up With 10s? By The Way I Am A 10
In this special Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller have fun with a narcissistic caller who is upset that he isn’t dating women who he thinks are on his level. This is a case study of problems that come with being over-confident or arrogant. They give a funny reality check and explain why women are better at evaluating your mate value than you are, how high quality women can be very picky, and why it’s important to be honest with her about what you want. If you have these p...
2015-05-0629 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastI've Never Had A Girlfriend. How Do I Tell Her This?This simple answer is to just be honest and tell her because it is NOT a red flag to never have had a serious girlfriend at 25. In this Q&A, Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explain why this is not a big deal and how to be honest and tell her this effectively, including conversation scripts if you are totally lost. Also see past podcasts we’ve done on big changes in mate value former fat guy, Impostor Syndrome, and what to do if you have little experience.
2015-05-0512 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Meet Fit, Athletic Women If I Have A Disability?If a guy with cerebral palsy is going out and dating women, you have no excuse to not get out there yourself. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller give many pieces of advice for meeting and dating fit, athletic women if you have a physical disability. One important point to think about is that overcoming a disability is a huge positive signal of effectiveness to women.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this month.
2015-04-2911 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Tell If The Problem Is Me Or My Mating Market?We’ve done past episodes on mating markets in the past. This caller is from Charlotte, and in this Q&A episode Tucker, Nils and Dr. Miller dive into why Charlotte is a tough mating market for men. They explain how census data can be misleading (ex. Chicago), what Operational Sex Ratio is and why it matters, and how to test the market to see if the problem is you or your mating market.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for free shipping and sales this m...
2015-04-2821 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 13In this episode of Helping Joe, Joe finishes Level 1 of improv but has insecurities about moving on to Level 2 with his class. Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn help him put his progress in perspective and convince him to keep going. They refer back to how meditation and journaling can change ineffective thought patterns and explain how with more demonstrated performance, real evidence of increasing success, Joe will build real confidence in his social life and with women. They also dive a little deeper into Joe’s personal history, friendships, and why he has no female friends.
This epi...
2015-04-271h 09
The Mating Grounds PodcastI Broke Up With My Girlfriend. Am I Missing Out On Something Special?This is a great question for Tucker to answer because he has been through this exact issue multiple times in his life. In this Q&A episode, he, Dr. Miller, and Nils, explain how if you are still dating someone because you think you should, that’s a bad sign. Be honest with yourself about what you want in life and in a woman. If you’re not ready for a long-term relationship, the perfect woman is still wrong for you.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Ama...
2015-04-2212 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastIs It Okay To Be Shallow About My Girlfriend's Weight?This is a bullshit question that we get a lot from guys: “Is it okay for me to feel [insert any desire or subjective emotion]?”
In this Q&A, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how whatever you feel and want is cool. Your emotions, what you are feeling, are always valid. If your girlfriend changes, you are not obligated to be attracted to her and those changes. In this case, his girlfriend is trying to shame him into ignoring what he feels. This is ridiculous for many reasons that the guys explain in det...
2015-04-2114 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Is Love?This is a big question that could take 5 hours to answer. In this short Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller broadly explain love, why we evolved to feel love, what love is not, and how to think about love and the relationship you are in. Watch out for desire, lust, obsession, and analyzing resume traits, which are all NOT love. Also, love takes time to figure out. Tucker developed slowly and didn't figure it out until he was 34.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check th...
2015-04-1518 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastI Lost My Virginity At 26, What Should I Do To Catch Up?This call is from a man who was sexually shamed most of his life and is transitioning out of that. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoffrey Miller, and Nils Parker knock down one big assumption with his question by advising him to ask, "What do I want?" Not "What should I do?" Explore who you are to figure out what you really want (your mating goal). They give many suggestions for how to do this.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on Amazon for fre...
2015-04-1423 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastBad Advice From The Internet: "Just Tell Her How You Feel."Tucker Max explains how this is some of the worst advice that women give men. Being too open with your feelings too early in the relationship signals desperation and low mate value to a woman. Only crazy people over-share with those they first meet or don't know well. When telling her how you feel, it's best to emotionally follow her lead in disclosing more. This happens piece by piece. She gives a little and you give a little, escalating vulnerability and honesty until there is a high level of trust in the relationship. Then you can talk more about...
2015-04-0915 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Get Over Impostor Syndrome?This caller has the mating equivalent of a white people problem. He has a great girlfriend but doesn't believe he's good enough. Many guys have this issue of Imposter Syndrome when they are improving in dating and other areas of life. Tucker and Charlie have talked about this on Helping Joe when he loses confidence on dates.
In this Q&A episode, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller explain exactly what Imposter Syndrome is, why it's common with rapid improvement, and how it can be ridiculously arrogant. They talk about mental frameworks for overcoming this ineffective thinking, recognizing you...
2015-04-0819 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Do I Do If I'm Poor?After making a few jokes and explaining the obvious, which is to learn skills and get a better job, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller talk about how to be more attractive while poor. Getting in shape with body weight only exercises (Convict Conditioning), wearing simple & clean clothes that fit you, and having a great attitude (fun, kind, smart, or interesting), will put you in the top 25% of men out there. They also give some great free date ideas.
This episode is sponsored by Dude Wipes, the first flushable wipes for men. Check them out on...
2015-04-0729 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 10In this episode of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn catch up with Joe on all the dates he has had in the last 2 weeks. They recognize and celebrate these wins to reinforce that Joe is on the right path and making progress. A huge part of building confidence is realizing the strides you’ve made since starting and internalizing positive feedback, from both the women you are dating and your friends (or coaches here). Later they get into mistakes Joe made on these dates, including his funny but self-crippling texts. They also talk about why accepting who yo...
2015-04-061h 01
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 9In this episode of Helping Joe, Joe went speed dating for the first time and Tucker Max and Nils Parker break down his mini-dates. They give Joe much needed fashion advice (Joe makes big mistakes here. Jokes follow.), feedback on his first date (and first meeting) conversations, and more ways to reframe his dating mindset and goal so that he has more fun and better results.
They revisit Joe’s critical issues like cursing under his breath, not internalizing positive feedback, and changing his ineffective mindsets and irrational thoughts. At the end, Tucker gets very honest and ope...
2015-04-021h 13
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Relax And Have Fun On First Dates?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain the internal worries (How am I doing? Does she like me?) that many guys have on first dates and how to replace those thoughts with more effective ones (How can I have fun? What is interesting about her?). Also, check out the psychology of choking in our Choke Book Notes or buy the book here.
Also, Tucker, Charlie, and Nils have spent the last two months answering this question on the Helping Joe series. It’s one of Joe’s biggest problems. Listen to Episo...
2015-04-0119 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Can I Be Funny And Hookup When Sober?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain that alcohol lowers your inhibitions and the worries about what others will think or how you will look, which all get in the way of being funny. There may be a deeper problem with your social skills, confidence, or shame. These can all be fixed (check out our other podcasts for more in depth advice).
2015-03-3116 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 8This episode is a continuation of Episode 7. Tucker Max, Charlie Hoehn, and Joe try to regroup and talk about Joe's other dates that he went on, but they get right back to emotional issues that caused him to completely lose confidence in himself on a different date. The reason for this is absolutely ridiculous. You will laugh when listening to it.
Joe thought this girl was out of his league and rejected himself even though she was into him. There are a lot of lessons to be learned from his mistake about attraction, understanding women, and giving y...
2015-03-3037 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Are So Many Men Pussy Whipped Or Afraid Of Their Wives?In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller break apart this question, the details he gave, and the assumptions he is making. They explain how if you see a guy who is to be subservient to or "pussy whipped" by his girlfriend or wife, you are only looking at a small part of their relationship and making assumptions based just on that. It's unlikely that you know their entire relationship history and all the dynamics going on.
Sometimes, a woman is just awful or the man has given up too much control a...
2015-03-2524 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Do I Do If My Mating Market Is Racist?If you live in a very racist state (Arizona) or city (Boston) move!
In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker explain how sometimes the problem is 100% your mating market and not you. If that’s the case and you want to be successful with women, you need to leave.
2015-03-2417 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 7In week 7 of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn dig into Joe's mess of emotional issues after he has a great date, but ruins it by blowing off the girl he liked. What starts off as a small celebration with good tactical advice gets heated (Tucker gets angry) after they learn what Joe texted after. They rummage through some of his emotional baggage and explain how his fears are crippling his mating opportunities. As Tucker put it, “Joe is a wantrepreneur with women."
2015-03-231h 17
The Mating Grounds PodcastI Lost 100 Lbs But Still Not Confident With WomenBoth men and woman can have difficulty realizing they are more attractive after a big positive change like losing weight. In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how to accept and believe you that you are more attractive by getting feedback from women, starting small with exposure therapy, and testing your mating market.
2015-03-1917 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Be A Defender In The Tender Defender Model?In modern society, there is little threat of violence day-to-day. So how you do you display the Defender part of the Tender Defender model to women? In this Q&A Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker break down a big assumption of being a Defender (It’s not all about violence.) and explain the many ways you can be a Defender without fighting. A better way to look at it is being an Effective Provider can solve her problems.
2015-03-1714 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastAre There Any Benefits Of Delaying Masturbation?There are a lot of anecdotes from Reddit's NoFap and YourBrainOnPorn of guys who have issues with masturbation. Unfortunately, there's not much good science and virtually no studies on how much should you masturbate or what is optimal. In this short Q&A episode, Dr. Miller, Tucker, and Nils advise you to experiment, track how you feel, and do what's best for yourself until better science comes out. If you are married, it's better to just have sex with your wife. They also try to figure out why the hell a married guy asked this question.
2015-03-1112 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Handle Another Guy Trying To Cock Block Me At A Bar?This listener called in from Boston, which is a terrible city full of awful people. We've had multiple questions about how to handle assholes from there. We decided to answer one of them and rip on Boston in general. In this Q&A, Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker explain how male cockblockers are usually not trying to stop you from getting the girl. They are instead asserting their status or dominance by making fun of you. If your friends are doing this, you have shitty friends and need to make new ones. They also give exact...
2015-03-1021 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 5In week 5 of Helping Joe, Nils Parker steps in via Skype while Charlie is playing it away. Nils brings a different set of questions (and jokes) for dealing with Joe’s issues. He and Tucker Max dive a little deeper into why Joe gets nervous on first dates and how to reframe one’s mindset when going into a date to have more fun and be more relaxed, which ultimately will lead to those dates going better. They also talk about understanding women on Tinder and setting better expectations for date.
2015-03-0935 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Tell Her I Don't Want A Long-Term Relationship?When a woman you are sleeping with wants an exclusive long-term relationship (boyfriend), but you are not ready to give that to her, it's best to be upfront and honest about it. Tucker Max was terrible at this when he was younger, and it led to relationship disasters. In this Q&A episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain how it's totally cool not to want to commit long-term to a woman you are having sex with, but it's important to have a clear conversation with her about that. They include how to bring this up...
2015-03-0411 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWomen Keep Flaking On Dates, What Do I Do?This is a great question, but the way this young caller asks it and the background he gives us, which is great by the way because it helps us figure out what's really going on, shows that there are fundamental problems with his mindset, strategy, tactics, etc. He has gotten a ton of terrible advice and ideas from pickup artist nonsense.
Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker explain the four most common reasons why girls flake, cancel, or don't show up to a date; why this will (and should) happen a certain percentage of times...
2015-03-0321 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Deal With Jealousy?Jealousy is the emotion of mate guarding, paying attention to the behavior of our mates around others. There are many evolutionary reasons for this, and Dr. Geoffrey Miller explains why a little jealousy can be good. Also, be honest with yourself about why you are in a relationship. Tucker Max and Nils Parker give advice on mate value in different life stages. And Tucker runs through 5 quick questions to ask yourself to understand if a relationship is going to last or if she will eventually look for and find someone else.
2015-02-2612 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Regain Confidence After A Breakup Or Dry Spell?This is normal and something every guy goes through. Two effective ways to start getting back out there and regaining confidence are small wins and great friends. Dr. Geoffrey Miller begins this Q&A episode talking about making small steps to be more outgoing, with women and with friends. Tucker Max brings up social relationships and how a great thing to do is engage with good friends in positive, uplifting ways. Many problems start with not having friends.
This is something that most dating advice never focuses on. Social relationships are so important to mental health, confidence, a...
2015-02-2514 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Should I Do If I'm Balding Or Graying?
This Q&A is for men who are are worried about going bald or gray and losing hair. There are two key takeaways: great hair doesn't matter as much as you think and the simple solution to be more attractive it to shave your head.
Tucker Max, Dr. Geoff Miller, and Nils Parker talk about how there's not much you can do to prevent hair loss, but that's OK because women don't really care. Dr. Miller mentions it's not even in the top 30 most important things that women want. However, awful hair like a comb-over or bad hair piece can lower...
2015-02-2412 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 3In week 3 of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn talk about two of Joe's Tinder dates and break down what went wrong and why. They go over his mistakes, including one critical first date mistake that blew any chance he had with a cute Mexican girl. They also talk about improv classes, why they are awesome, and how most guys don't get enough "reps" in real life. They wrap up with a bit about testosterone test results, the importance of social relationships, and how they have a huge impact on your health and hormones.
2015-02-2355 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Take Myself Less Seriously And Be Less Shy Around People?Taking yourself too seriously can mean many things like you may have no sense of humor or you're too into yourself. In this episode, Dr. Miller, Tucker, and Nils explain how self-deprecating humor, making fun of yourself, is the best first step you can take to being less serious. Research shows many positives associated with this type of humor.
Sometimes, being shy and reserved is a result of your social group. If that is true for you, find people or places where you are more comfortable to open up. Even having one great friend who is more pl...
2015-02-1922 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Ask A Girl Out Who Is At Work And May Be Flirting With Me?Women who work are usually paid to be nice to you, especially bartenders and waitresses. If you like her, there are low risk ways to see if she's interested. In this episode, Tucker Max, Nils Parker, and Dr. Geoff Miller talk about how to gather information ( Does she have a boyfriend? ), talk to her like a friend, and ask her out in an easy way (think social, not 1:1) so you don't creep out a woman who is 'trapped' at work. Nils, who was a bartender in his 20s, also gives advice on how to tell when a bartender or...
2015-02-1814 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Use Humor And Teasing With Women At Bars?Humor is very attractive and displays many traits like intelligence, social proof, mental health. Not everyone can be a comedian, but you can go out with good friends, make fun of eachother, and bring women into the fun.
In this Q&A, Nils Parker, Tucker Max, and Dr. Geoff Miller explain the basics and low risk ways to use humor, be funny, and tease:
Making fun of yourself and your friends is attractive
Even having just one hilarious good friend is enough to make you better.
How to tease women without going too far.
Why punching up...
2015-02-1728 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHelping Joe, Episode 2In the second week of Helping Joe, Tucker Max and Charlie Hoehn talk about Joe's Tinder profile (what he did right and wrong), his first Tinder date, why small talk is so important and easy it is to do, why making a woman feel comfortable on the first date is critical to it going well (Joe fails at this in later episodes), and how to message or followup with a woman who "goes dark." Also, Tucker and Charlie make fun of Joe and the odd things he says.
2015-02-1654 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow To Figure Out What Happened After A Bad BreakupGetting over a breakup is tough. This is the other side of a past Q&A we did on breaking up without being a dick. It's fucked up when a serious girlfriend dumps you by text, but it's likely there were signs of this coming. In this Q&A episode, Tucker, Dr. Miller, and Nils talk about the best ways to get closure, what to look for and reflect on, and how to talk to friends (mutual, hers, and yours) to figure out what went wrong.
2015-02-1217 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhen Do You Know It's Time To Settle Down For A Long-Term Relationship?The short answer is that there's is no right time. Every guy is different. But there are ways to know when to switch from short-term mating to a long-term relationship. Getting tired of sleeping with women that you don't care about is one of them. This decision is best made by emotion, not logic and reason. Listen to your gut. And remember you can always go back to short-term relationships if you want.
Tucker starts this episode talking about how he knew it was time to make the switch in his 30s when he felt lonely having sex ...
2015-02-1121 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastIf I Don't Know What I'm Doing With My Life, Can I Still Date And Have A Relationship?Career or life anxieties can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to know where you're going in life or have a great career before finding a girlfriend. Women don't date a job. They date a person.
In this Q&A, Tucker and Dr. Miller explain how your career is only one factor in your overall attractiveness and not a very important one, especially if you are younger. Research on this indicates that women can find a man's potential for success much more attractive than his actual success. This works well for you if you're 25, not so much i...
2015-02-1015 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I End A Short Term Relationship Without Hurting Her?Hooking up is awesome but ending a short-term relationship by disappearing or being a dick is harmful to both you and her. Tucker has learned a lot from ending relationships in a myriad of horrible ways. Read any of his 3 books if you want to learn how NOT to do this well. In this Q&A, Tucker, Nils, and Dr. Miller show you exactly how to breakup a short or medium term relationship so you are both better off. They give breakup conversation scripts and examples you can copy verbatim. Be kind but firm. Don't be a coward and disap...
2015-02-0432 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Can I Overcome Severe Social Anxiety?The strategies you need to get over severe social anxiety are different than past answers we've given on social anxiety and being nervous. Dr. Miller, Tucker, and Nils dive into extinction theory and how to use exposure therapy to take small steps and build on them. They give many short-term and long-term strategies to effectively manage social fear so it won't stop you from meeting women and talking to women.
2015-02-0320 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow To Find Great Women Through Online DatingHooking up at a bar is a numbers game. You just keep trying until you find a girl you like who likes you. But online dating is NOTHING like that, and if you adopt that mindset, you will fail.
To succeed with online dating, whether on Tinder, Hinge, eHarmony or the hundreds of other sites out there, you need to get specific about what makes you attractive, and make sure you display those traits to women who will like them.
With help from previous guest Dr. Carin Perilloux, Tucker and Dr. Mi...
2014-09-0435 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Can Big Guys Make People Feel Safe Around Them?Being very tall presents a couple of challenges. If you're a lot taller than average, you may be good on the basketball court but it can lead to certain challenges when interacting with women.
But if you handle it right, then your height can actually be an advantage. Luckily this is an issue that our own Nils Parker has dealt with. Nils can tell you exactly what he does to make women feel safe around him, and along with Tucker and Dr. Miller's input, you'll learn exactly what to do and how to act in order...
2014-09-0214 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastHow Do I Go From Hookups To Happy Relationships?If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. To meet new kinds of women, you have to change your actions. Luckily, you can learn from someone who has walked this path.
In this episode, Tucker, Nils and Dr. Miller outline what steps you need to take to meet new kinds of women. And this isn't just theory - Tucker himself is the perfect case study. No one has (or, rather, had) more of a reputation for being a player than Tucker Max, but he's now happily in a long...
2014-08-2015 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Do Women Like Assholes?You asked for it, so here it is. By popular request, Tucker, Nils and Dr. Miller break down exactly why assholes do well with women in certain situations, and why some women, at specific points in their lives, are attracted to assholes. They also explain why being an asshole isn't an optimal mating strategy for the vast majority of guys.
Tucker also tells an incredible story about Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's relationship, including some shocking detail about her history that you haven't heard before anywhere else.
2014-08-1230 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastPickup ArtistsIn response to continual listener curiosity, Tucker and Dr. Miller discuss their opinions of the PUA/seduction community. Not just what it gets right and wrong, but how its systematic assumptions about women, men and relationships prevent its 'gurus' from providing effective long-term guidance to young and struggling guys. Tucker and Dr. Miller also talk about howThe Mating Grounds takes a very different approach to women and dating that solves these issues and engages many others the PUA community doesn't realize even exist.
2014-07-261h 16
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhat Is Dating Like For Women (and why does it matter to you)?Tucker and Dr. Miller examine what dating is really like for women, by discussing a thought-provoking hypothetical for guys, Tucker's experience in a gay bar, the varying consequences to sex for men and women, how men and women react differently in certain mating scenarios, and what it's like to be an attractive woman who gets hit on constantly.
2014-07-0943 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastWhy Do Women Want These Things In Men?Tucker and Dr. Miller talk about the evolutionary psychology behind what women find attractive, i.e., why women pick the traits they pick. Dr. Miller explains what sexual selection is and how it impacts female mating choices, the dating issues of a 17-year old hunter gatherer, and intra-gender competition.
2014-07-0956 min
The Mating Grounds PodcastThe Mating Grounds Introductory PodcastIn the introductory podcast with both Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller, they talk about their goals with the Mating Grounds Podcast, and the upcoming book, Mate. Tucker and Dr. Miller also discuss what they plan to teach guys, and how the Mating Grounds is different than the advice that guys get from other sources.
2014-07-0816 min