Shows
Finding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 191 - A Daily Recovery Exercise for 2026As you head into 2026 - rather than looking at the whole year why don’t you start with one day - one day at a time! The following is a simple exercise you can do daily to be proactive in your day and set yourself up for the best day possible!To download the worksheet for this episode follow the instructions for the learning platform circle below. (the worksheet will be found under "Free Resources")If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for...
2025-12-2719 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 190 - Men Midlife and PornThere are a number of challenging seasons of life where porn can re- emerge from the corners of our life. One of these seasons is the season of midlife where we begin to re-evaluate (often negatively) some of the decisions we have made and the places we find ourselfs. In this episode Vern talks about his own experience in this season and gives pointers on how to navigate through this seasn and come out the other side successfully.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up...
2025-12-0827 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 189 - What does it mean to be P*rn Free?When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free? In this episode Vern talks about the expanding understanding that he underwent and that a lot of guys go through as they move toward greater freedom in their life.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device signup using the lin...
2025-12-0113 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 189 - What Does it mean to be Porn Free?When a lot of us started out on this porn recovery journey we had a very limited view of what it was to be porn free? In this episode Vern talks about the expanding understanding that he underwent and that a lot of guys go through as they move toward greater freedom in their life.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device signup using the lin...
2025-12-0113 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 188 - From Passion to PurposePassion is good - purpose is better. In this episode Vern talks about a change he has made to how people checkin their weeks and why connecting people with their purpose is a better metric than helping (often unsuccessfully) men find something they are passionate about.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device signup using the link on your web browser BEFORE you download the circ...
2025-11-2419 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 187 - Inside Out Porn Recovery (from Down Under)In this episode, Vern is joined by his Australian buddy Matt who talks about inside out recovery.In a desire for a wholistic model of behavior change, it is necessary to recognize that the most sustainable version of change comes from a deep sense of belonging which informs our beliefs. Out of that core, comes deep lasting change that can stand the test of time.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to...
2025-11-1733 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 186 - Should I do a Dopamine FastThere is a lot written these days about the role of dopamine in our addictive struggle with porn. One of the books "Dopamnine Nation" talks a lot about dopamine and seems to give some fairly straightword system to hack the system of recovery. In this episode we talk about how this book and a pure "dopamine approach" can be helpful in our recovery and where it presents an incomplete picture in regards to the process of recovery.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Ve...
2025-11-1021 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 185 - Your Guided Tour Out of PornLast week we popped the baloon that said that the recovery journey is simple or quick. We spoke about how long it takes to break a habit in a sustained way. Today we talk about some of the highlights we will experience on a guided tour away from porn. This guided tour explains the roadblocks we need to overcome, what are the challenges we face, and what are the benefits we will experience along the way.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Cir...
2025-11-0320 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 184 - How Long Does it Take to Quit PornThere are a lot of claims on the internet about helping you quite porn in just a few weeks. Sounds great - right? In this episode Vern takes a bit of a deeper dive into the real issues (and the amount of time) that is usually needed to quit a compulsive embedded behavior such as porn.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device signup using the...
2025-10-2720 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 183 - Procastination and Quitting PornOne of the things I have noticed in working with guys who struggle with porn is - - they also struggle with procrastination. In this episode we look at this connection and discuss some simple strategies to overcome compulsive procrastination!If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device signup using the link on your web browser BEFORE you download the circle app) - (white circle on a bl...
2025-10-2014 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 182 - Learning Warfare - Lessons on Fighting PornThe metaphor of war is used a lot in recovery for the reason that it often feels like we are in a battle!! In this episode Vern talks about principles of warfare and applies them to our recovery battle.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?in...
2025-10-1426 min
The Covenant Eyes PodcastPastor Vern Tompke on P*rn Recovery, Accountability, and Church CultureIn this powerful episode of The Covenant Eyes Podcast, host Karen Potter sits down with Canadian pastor and recovery advocate Vern Tompke, creator of the Finding Traction and Pastors on P*rn podcasts. Vern shares his deeply personal story of overcoming p*rn*graphy addiction while serving in ministry — and how God turned his healing into a mission to help others.Together, Karen and Vern discuss:• The unique challenges pastors face when struggling with p*rn• How shame and burnout can fuel addiction• Why accountability and community are essential for recovery• How technology...
2025-10-0834 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 181 - The Porn Recovery Journey with Nate LarkinOne of the forerunners of the porn recovery field is Nate Larken. His book - Samson and the Pirate Monks is a classic read for anybody starting out on this journey. Today I am pleased to have Nate on the podcast as he talks about his recovery journey, missteps along the way, and how he wants the end of his recovery journey to be remembered. He also shares information on the Samson societies that he has started around the world to give men a safe place to come and talk about their struggles.To find out more about the...
2025-10-0630 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 180 - Porn Relapses Ripples and ResetsA relapse is always possible but never inevitable. There are inescapable ripples that follow a relapse but how do we prevent a slip from becoming a slide! In this episode we discuss how to get back on track when we fall off the wagon!If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)http...
2025-09-2919 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 179 - Marriage Hacks Pt. 3In this third and final episode of Marriage Hacks - Vern explores some of the ways to explore why you hit a wall on certain topics with you partner as well as the idea of recognizing when you have a filter on that you need to communicate with your spouse. Your marriage is not your recovery but working towards a better marriage can help in reducing the stress and friction in your daily life that often leads you to want to act our or use escape behaviors.If you want to get access to a host of free r...
2025-09-2231 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 178 - Are You a Deep FakeIt seems that deep fakes are everywhere these days. My question for you is this - are you a deep fake? Are you a person with a deep disconnect between the public and private you. In this Episode I talk about how that happens and how to experience the benefits of living a life of integrity.Todays episode is summarized in a diagram that you can find on the Circle learning platform. So...If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle le...
2025-09-1514 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 177 - The 5 W's - Examining a porn relapseIn a recent television episode of The Paper the new boss teaches his employers what it takes to be a local report. Toward that end he talks about the classic rules for reporting called the 5 W's. In this episode Vern talks about this in helping us learn to be better reporters of our relapse events.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circ...
2025-09-0821 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 176 - Sexless Marriages - A Marriage PleaWomen Please Note: This episode is not mean to shame you if you are struggling with the after effects of the disclosure of your husbands porn use. It is meant to encourage you not remain stuck in your pain, anger and grief and get the help to see your marriage restored to the dream you had when you walked down the aisle. If you are a woman looking for a great organization to help you process the reality of being married to a recovering porn user - check out https://apsats.org/Men Please Note: This podcast is n...
2025-09-0126 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 175 - More Marriage Hacks Pt. 2We had so much fun last time I thought we would do it again. Actually I realized there was a number of marriage tips and hacks that didn't make the last episode so I thought we would do a part 2! Heres to having a great marriage relationship!If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue back...
2025-08-2826 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 174 - 5 Marriage Hacks Pt. 1Relationships can be hard work - especially maintaining a marriage over the long haul. In this episode Vern shares 5 marriage hacks that can make that challenge be a little bit easier!If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a9fa2da0...
2025-08-2517 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 173 - Dating Honesty - Why When and HowWhat should I tell my girlfriend about my porn history (or other sexual history). Should I hide it? What if honesty will end the relationship? In this episode I talk about why it is important to be honest but also nuance when and how this could be done.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue...
2025-08-1829 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 172 - Welcome BackSo how did your summer go? Vern has been away for the last month and shares somes up and downs from his summer holidays including a recovery lesson that he is working at integrating into his life.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c41...
2025-08-1227 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 171 - Porn and Men's Health - A ConversationIt's fun to talk to people outside your circles who dont' necessarily share your experience or assumptions. The following is a conversation I did with Jeremy Longpre from the North Star Podcast around men's health and problematic porn use.The following is a link to the North Star Podcasthttps://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/north-star-podcast/id1660393769If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mob...
2025-07-091h 01Finding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 170 - Breaking the Acting Out CycleBack in Episode 73 I introduced the idea of the Acting Out Cycle using the picture of a Stopwatch. In looking back I felt I could give a more robust explanation of how to actually stop ourselves from just repeating the same cycle over and over. To do this I add a new step - PREEMPT - and share from some of my recent examples how to put this into practice.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to...
2025-06-2526 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 169 - Anxious vs Confident RecoveryIt is not uncommon in our early recovery to feel anxious that a next relapse is just around the corner. Is there a way to grow in our confidence as we start out on this journey?If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a...
2025-06-1927 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 168 - I'm Good (Until I'm Not)One of the reasons we are unsuccessful long term in porn recovery is because of some of the ways of thinking we practice. One problematic thing that guys tell themselves is that "they are good" or 'they are strong" which is experientially true at the time. The probem is that we are good (until we are not!)If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the...
2025-06-0517 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 167 - Disappointed in SexWhat is the difference between real sex and our porn binges? The differences might explain why some people confess that real sex is hard and less exciting than our porn world. In this episode Vern explores that uncomfortable question and how we can grow towards real intimacy with a real person.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a bl...
2025-05-2919 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 166 - Relationships on the LineWhat if positive feelings toward your wife were a powerful motivator to move away from porn. In this episode Vern builds on a recent book he read called "Cherish" by Gary Thomas.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a9fa2da045d969...
2025-05-1531 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 165 - Is Your Door Closing?Country songs are known for their - "if only I knew then what I know now" regret songs.In this episode we ask a sobering question - is the door to your marriage closing and share a principle that Vern has practiced and taught for 40 years.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)
2025-05-0116 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 164 - What Set Me Up for Porn (with Tim Fletcher)Have you ever wondered what set you up for your struggle with porn? In this interview Vern talks with Tim Fletcher who is an extremely popular Youtube expert on the subject all things trauma and attachement.In addition to Tim Fletchers Youtube Channel you can find some of his helpful information on his website https://www.timfletcher.ca/If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. Just use the following link to get started. if you are using a mobile device FIRS...
2025-04-2431 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 163 - When Porn Crashes Your Marriage (with Barbara Steffens)When porn use is disclosed (or found out) in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash. In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks through the impact this can have on a woman and steps that both men and women can take in their navigating a path forward.What can we learn from a relapse? In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners. The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform belo...
2025-04-1436 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 162 - Lessons from a Relapse (with Hercule Flambeau)What can we learn from a relapse? In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners. The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform below...If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is of concern to you - s...
2025-04-0334 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 161 - Wave Go To's Part 2In this episode Vern goes back to the topic of dealing with a wave of temptation and craving. In this episode he argues that we need to strengthen our understanding of connection and also introduces a couple of "Go To's" that he uses when he is in the middle of experience a Wave.The first reading is based on the Bible App (Psalm 119 - the Message)The second reading can be found here:A Liturgy for One Battling a Destructive Desire (read by Doug McKelvey)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ_o...
2025-03-2620 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 160 - Waves of CravingDo you ever feel that craving hits you like a big wave? In this episode Vern provides hope that the next big wave doesn't need to overwhelm you!If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users. The following link wil...
2025-03-2014 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 159 - The Hidden Costs of Porn UseMost of us are tempted to think that our porn use is free. Sure we may not be "paying" for porn but you are paying in ways you many not even realize it. Today we talk about the "hidden costs" of our porn use.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and las...
2025-03-1021 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 158 - Dial it InDid you ever start a day feeling "off". Today's podcast is all about "dialling your day" in to maximize the chance of the day going well.If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users. The following link will get you...
2025-02-2021 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 157 - Ten Rules for LifeThis episode is a bit different. One of the benefits of recovery from constantly battling with porn is that you can now start to think more clearly about how you want your life to go. In this episode Vern shares 10 principles he has landed on to guide his thoughts and actions.A summary of these principles is found on the circle learning platform under Free Resources.This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer. If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last ini...
2025-02-1030 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 146 - Before the Day AfterNovember 5th is a big day - its Guy Fawkes Day, Vern's Birthday and yes - the American election. How deal with the big feelings that will follow the election can make us truly vulnerable to relapse. Vern walks through how we navigate these strong emotions.We are starting new finding traction groups this fall to help 5-7 guys at a time connect around walking away from porn and moving towards a better life. We have a a group for young guys, a group for older guys in or near retirement and a few guys waiting to sta...
2024-11-0216 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 139 - Signs of a BaaaaD Recovery GroupfrEver been in a bad recovery group? Ever felt nervous about joining a group because of the many ways it could go wrong? In this episode Vern explores how to tell when a group is toxic and when it is healthy.We are starting up new Finding Traction groups in September 2024. Normally groups are $149/month but if you sign up by August 31 - Vern is offering them at the old price of $99/month. The cost includes all 52 videos plus handouts to guide our time together. To get more information about these groups email Vern at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com...
2024-08-2714 min
Pastors on PornEp. 88 - Father's Day - How to Be a Good and Safe ManThis last Sunday Vern spoke on Sunday morning on how men can move from being an *ss to being good and safe men - something women, our churches and our communities desperately need more of.If you are looking for a safe person to talk about your Sexual struggles - Vern gets it - as a Pastor for 30 years Vern has battled porn as a pastor and didn't have a safe place to go to or someone to turn to.To connect with Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com
2024-06-1844 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 115 - Do You Have a Yearly Focus?As we head into 2024 Vern shares about a tool that has been helpful for him as he starts out a brand new year. It just so happens that this one leads Vern into making changes that are long overdue!To contact Vern you can reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com.As he mentions regularly - he loves to connect with guys who are looking at making changes in their life around their problematic porn use!You can also check out the website for further recovery resources https://www.bandofbrothers...
2024-01-0928 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 108 - Recovery Rules with Mark DenisonVern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient themselves on a daily basis. In this podcast Vern interviews Mark as they dive into some of these rules (at least the ones that Vern especially loves!)If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at...email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more about him or the finding traction course go to the website:
2023-11-1323 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 90 - Recovery False StartsIt is quite common for Vern to hear from a guy who emails him with a frantic - "I need help NOW" regarding their porn struggle. Yet a funny thing happens. Vern replies to the email and hears nothing back - apparently the emergency has passed. In this episode Vern explores a number of ways that people "false start" their recovery from problematic porn use.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com...
2023-04-2617 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 78 - Off Ramps (with John Fort)You may have heard of the porn superhighway - in other getting on the freeway of porn and wondering how to get off. This this episode Vern is joined by his friend John Fort (from Be Broken Ministries) as they discuss porn offramps.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to...
2022-12-2830 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 77 - How to Have a Porn Free HolidayHolidays can be tough because they throw us off our normal routine and give us all sorts of unplanned and free time. In this episode Vern talks about how to set yourself up for sucess for any coming holiday - in any given year!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go...
2022-12-2019 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 76 - Random Recovery RolosRolos are those great individual caramel filled candies you may have tried. In this episode Vern talks about 3 different insights around recovery - a soccer coach that inspired him, an idea he calls "calculated freedom" and a challenging view on the "selfishness" of porn.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go...
2022-11-2424 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 75 - Win Lose vs Win LearnIn the previous episode - Vern (and Jeff) talked about some of the connections between the martial art of Jujitsu and porn recovery. In this podcast Vern continues to pull on what a difference Win/Loss vs Win/Learn has to do with how we deal and learn from our setbacks.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about...
2022-11-1421 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 74 - Fight ClubVern's friend and pastor Jeff is somebody who is heavily involved in the martial art of Jujitsu. In this episode Vern talks with Jeff about how some of the insights he learned from this martial art can be applied to porn recoveryIf you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the...
2022-11-0328 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 73 - Stopwatch RecoveryDo you notice how you often cycle through the same behaviours over and over without thinking about them? In this episode Vern takes the idea of an addiction cycle and applies it to the metaphor of a ticking stop watch. Getting a better idea of how this cycle works for you can lead to being more effective in early intervention - before it's too late (and you don't want to stop!)If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers...
2022-10-1927 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 72 - A Truce with Porn?Many of us get discouraged along the way without our efforts to eliminate porn from our lives. One of the temptations we will face in this discouragement is to make a truce with porn - perhaps I can limit it or create safe acceptable boundaries to continue using it. In this episode Vern shows why this is not only self defeating but a dangerous line of thinking...If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com
2022-09-2022 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 70 - Breaking up with PornThere are lot of shows about bad toxic girlfriends and how they continue to wreak havoc on our lives. Using this word picture, Vern explores how and why we continue to allow this toxic relationship to continue when what we really need is a clean break!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course
2022-09-0621 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 69 - The Pathway of RecoveryOf course we are all special and unique - after all isn't that what our mothers told us? But when it comes to recovery - there are actually some common stepping stones that each of us will need to take. In this episode Vern explores some of those common steps and stages we will need to traverse.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more...
2022-08-3022 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 67 - Why Do I Still Feel Sad?One of the most confusing parts of recovery is that you can at times find yourself nostalgic or "missing porn". In this episode Vern explains that mystifying reality - especially when porn has brought so much pain and regret to you!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the...
2022-08-0423 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 66 - Unleashing my Six Year Old SelfMost of us probably don't want to return to being six years old again but in this episode Vern explores some of the things that our six year old self could actually teach us some things when it comes to recovery!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2022-08-0225 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 65 - Shopping Without a ListWe may have heard the advice that it is not good to go shopping without a list - why - because we will probably come home with some things (and a bigger bill) than we intended. In this episode Vern explores that advice as it relates to porn recovery.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52...
2022-07-1816 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 64 - The Thrill Returns - 7 Ways to Welcome JoyLast episode Vern explored the topic of Joy and how it can be so elusive. Today Vern gives practical advice to how to practically invite joy back into your life!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careAre...
2022-07-1532 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 63 - Thrilled to DeathIf recovery is about moving towards a better life - one of those things is the return of Joy. In this episode Vern explores a classic book by Archibald Hard "Thrilled to Death" and explains how our recovery can teach us to relate properly to the concept of JoyIf you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week...
2022-06-2129 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 61 - Allies not AdversariesHow does a couple restore their sense of closeness and teamwork - even after a disclosure (or discovery) of the presence of porn. In this episdoe Vern explores how to find a way from being Adversaries to being Allies in this trying time!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to...
2022-05-3022 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 60 - If you ever look at porn againIn the hurt and pain that usually goes with the discovery of a husband's porn use - it is common for a wife to use an ultimatum to try to force change. At one level it makes sense but it can also have unintended consequences. In this episode Vern explores that question - when is an ultimatum helpful and when isn't it?If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you...
2022-05-2619 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 59 - Bring it OnRecovery is about much more than avoiding triggers. In fact if that is your sole focus, it seems that more and more triggers appear around you. In this episode Vern outlines a tool called reframing which can change our perspective from seeing everything as a threat to be avoided.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week...
2022-05-1628 minPastors on PornEp. 58 - The Stephen Mansfield InterviewVern has been using Stephen Mansfield's book - Top Ten Signs of a Leadership Crash as the background for a number of recent episodes. In this episode, Vern is excited to interview Stephen for some further thoughts around the need for this book.I love to talk to Pastors - especially those who are looking to deal with their unmanageable sexual behaviors.If you need a safe place to talk - you can reach out to me atbandofbrothers.care@gmail.comYou can also see some more resources on...
2022-05-1021 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 58 - Open Concept RecoveryIn renovation shows it is a popular idea to tear out walls and create an open concept floor plan. In this episdoe Vern describes how our compartmentalization (separate rooms) has worked against us in our desire to create a wholistic life of integrity. Today - tear down those walls!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52...
2022-05-0922 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 57 - Measuring My ProgressHow do you know you are making headway in recovery? In this episode Vern explores various ways to determine if you are making progress (beyond just clean time)If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careAre you...
2022-05-0224 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 56 - My Own Best ThinkingThere is an AA saying - "don't go into your head without adult supervision". In this episode Vern talks about some of our best thinking which actually works against our desire to be free from porn.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www...
2022-04-0515 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 55 - The Slap heard around the WorldWhen Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in the face at the Oscars everybody freaked out. Makes sense. But when do you do when you see red? What happens when you have a strong flush of emotions that seek to derail your recovery? In this episode Vern talks what we can learn from the slap heard around the world?If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out...
2022-03-2918 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 51 - Resistance and Ukranian SeedsSometimes courage is simply choosing to resist in the face of stiff odds. Using the example of the Ukranian resistance to the Russian invasion, Vern explores what it means to resist the incursion of porn into our life and asks the question - what's the alternative?If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course...
2022-03-0218 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 48 - Last Time Next TimeIn this episode Vern cuts to the chase - if you haven't changed anything since the last time you acted out, your next time will look just like the last time! It's that simple.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers...
2022-01-2217 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 47 - Recovery Year One with Matt PWhat is normal to experience in the first year of recovery? In this episode Vern interviews one of his coaching clients and talks about some of the challenges and experiences that one can expect in the first year.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2022-01-1540 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 45 - When the Levee BreaksA dike or levee is what keeps water back from flooding people's land and homes. In this episode Vern shares about the flooding in his home town - and how this flood is a powerful example that any dike (or porn recovery plan) is only as strong as its weakest links.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more...
2021-12-0122 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 43 - Pathways into Porn (Why we Hire Porn)Porn serves a certain purpose in our life - that's why we hire it! In this episode Vern looks at why we use (or employ) porn and how we can find a better way to get these needs met.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2021-11-2426 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 42 - Ticking Toward TroubleIn this episode Vern likens our porn urges to a ticking stopwatch. What do we do when the stopwatch starts ticking? Better yet, is there a way to reset our ticking clock without relapsing!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
2021-11-1921 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 41 - Beyond Cop AccountabilityThee is a lot of talk in recovery circles about having an "accountability buddy" In this episode Vern talks about the lousy form of this (cop accountability) and proposes a better type of accountability relationship that is a lot more effective over time.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go...
2021-11-0825 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 39 - Tool time for Relationships Pt. 1For those who have had porn mess up their marriage relationship, how can we begin to restore trust. In this episode Vern gives some ideas on how this can begin to happen and some tools to help us toward this goal.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the...
2021-10-2623 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 38 - Letting GoWhy is it so hard to let go of porn even though we know it only harms us? That vexing question is the one many of us have asked and one Vern explore today.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers...
2021-10-2020 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 37 - Precommitments vs. WillpowerIn this episode Vern explores a simple but effective tool called "pre-commitments" that will keep you from having to exercise willpower over and over again - a willpower that eventually cracks.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
2021-09-1321 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 36 - The 2021 NFL SeasonThis episode has nothing to do with recovery - but about the shared NFL passion between Vern and a couple of other recovery coach friends. None of them know what they are talking about but they are passionate about it nontheless!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the...
2021-08-221h 13Finding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 33 - Long Term Recovery with Matt D.What does long term recovery look like? Matt Dobscheutz join Vern Tompke as they explore this question togethrIf you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careIf you want to connect with Matt Dobscheutz you can connect with...
2021-05-1131 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 32 - 9 Types of KidsContinuing on from the last podcast, Vern in this episode explores, Vern explores 9 different types of childhood experiences, and explains how each scenario often leaves that type of child susceptible to certain key emotional triggers that activate their inner child.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2021-04-2719 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 30 - Are We There Yet?How long will it take me to get over my embedded porn habit. In this episode Vern explores that question and gives some hope (as well as a some realism) in this recovery journey.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers...
2021-04-0619 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 28 - Andrew Bauman InterviewIf you have been listening to the previous couple podcasts you know how much Vern has been impacted by the writings of Andrew Bauman. In this episode we actually get to interview the man! Andrew is the author of a number of books including - the Pyschology of Porn and the Sexually Healthy Man - they can be purchased on AmazonIf you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you...
2021-03-0922 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 27 - Do You have a PSR?PSR stands for Pornographic Style of Relating. Vern Explores this provocative concept based on the writings of Andrew Bauman.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careAre you struggling with porn and wondering how to break free...
2021-02-2225 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 26 - The Sexually Healthy ManWhat does it mean to be sexually healthy vs. being unhealthy? Join Vern as he walks through a concept he learned from Andrew Bauman's book of the same title. To see this talk in a diagram go to the following link....https://andrewjbauman.com/what-is-a-sexually-healthy-man/If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course...
2021-02-1515 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 25 - It seemed like a good idea (at the time)Vern recently did a crazy thing on the freeway he now regrets (after paying a big fine) Lots of things we do seem like a good idea at the time but don't stand the test of a sober second thought. If nothing else this podcast will teach you what not to do ...If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more...
2021-02-1220 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 24 - The Kind of ManWhat type of man does not look at porn? Do you know any of them? Do you want to be that kind of man. In this episode Vern explores the idea of growing into this kind of man.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2021-01-1110 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 22 - Hope is on the WayWe all need hope on the journey. As the year comes to a close - Vern explores in greater detail how we can all hold onto hope.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.careAre you struggling...
2020-12-0813 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 21 - Life Hack #6 - Hide and SeekHide and Seek is one of the earliest games we learned as a child. It is unfortunately one of the oldest games we have used to remain hidden in our struggles. In this episode Vern looks at our propensity to run and hide.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to...
2020-11-2507 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 20 - Stop the Steal!Stop the steal these days has a particular political meaning to a certain group of people, but in your life how has porn stolen from you? In this episode Vern talks about how to regain and reclaim what has been stolen from you.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go...
2020-11-1911 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 19 - Childish ThingsIn this episode Vern explores some of those childish ways of thinking that we need to grow out of if we are going to grow up before we grow old!If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care
2020-11-1019 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 18 - Lifehack #5 - The Power of TechnologyThis podcast is based on a summary of a lesson found in Vern's Finding Traction Course. If we are going to be successful in porn recovery we will need to deal with the challenge of technology. In this episode Vern gives some ideas how to do that.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course...
2020-10-1303 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 17 - The When-Then trapDo you ever find yourself thinking that "when this happens then I will do this or that" In this episode Vern is joined by David (his Iowan guest) and they explore how this way of thinking doesn't help us in the long run.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to...
2020-10-1318 minPastors on PornEp. 34 - Coach Me Up!I (Vern) have been immensely helped by having a recovery coach. In this episode Vern interviews one of his mentors, Michael Leahy, as to the role that coaching can play in your recovery.I love to talk to Pastors - especially those who are looking to deal with their unmanageable sexual behaviors.If you need a safe place to talk - you can reach out to me atbandofbrothers.care@gmail.comYou can also see some more resources on my website https://bandofbrothers.care
2020-09-2841 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 14 - Help I just got TriggeredIt's hard to live in this world without getting triggered one way or another. The key is to prepare for the next time you are triggered. In this episode Vern talks about how to deal with your next trigger...If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:
2020-09-1713 minPastors on PornEp. 33 - Can God Use Me - with Matt ClineCan God still use me despite my ongoing struggles to walk completely free from behaviors like porn? In this episode Vern interviews Matt Cline and they discuss that topic.Matt is the Director of Restored Ministries and can be reached athttps://www.restoredministries.caI (Vern) ove to talk to Pastors - especially those who are looking to deal with their unmanageable sexual behaviors.If you need a safe place to talk - you can reach out to me atbandofbrothers.care@gmail.com
2020-09-1731 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 13 - Lifehack #4 Getting StartedIt is not uncommon for even motivated guys to have a number of "false starts" when it comes to getting out of the starting blocks. In this episode Vern explores what is necessary to get off to a good start in porn recovery...If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction
2020-09-0915 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 11 - Grow a PairTo get started down the road to recovery requires courage at a number of levels. In this episode Vern talks about what will be necessary to "grow a pair" when it comes to moving toward the life and relationships we desire for ourself.If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go...
2020-08-1819 minFinding Traction: Recovery from PornEp. 10 - 2 Sides of CommitmentMaking a commitment to do anything - especially recovering from porn requires us to look at both sides of commitment - in this episode Vern explores that concept...If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.comIf you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course Finding Traction go to the website:https://www.bandofbrothers.care...
2020-06-2919 minPastors on PornEp. 29 - Be Broken MinistriesBe Broken is a ministry to bring sexual healing to the entire family. This includes groups for men, weekend intensives and support for women.In this episode Vern interviews Jonathan Daugherty, the director as they talk about some of the ways you can find helpWe are so blessed in that there are so so many more resources than there were 10 years ago.Be broken ministries can be contacted athttps://www.bebroken.orgI l(Vern) ove to talk to Pastors - especially those who are...
2020-05-2831 min