Shows
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 20: TIMOTHY WHARTON THOMAS, HORSE THIEFfrom LOCAL 6 NEWS CLICK ORLANDO: "Florida man accused of trying to steal horses, riding them home."
What kind of man breaks into his neighbor's barn to rename his neighbor's horses? A cowboy kind of man. A cowboy kind of Florida man.
Vaxxed and unmasked, the WPOE team returns in-person for the Season One Finale to talk about life in pre-post-pandemic Floridamerica. Then they take a pause to listen to the wind whistle through the bramble bush, as Caleb recounts his first-person encounter with the legendary black horseman of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, Jess describes the singular...
2021-06-1440 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 19: HEATHERfrom LOCAL 10 NEWS: Florida woman drops pants, licks man, dances naked in Waffle House parking lot
Heather installed a stripper-pole in her living room. You can imagine what happens next. But you don't have to imagine, do you? That's what we're here for. The WPOE team discusses the origin story of Waffle House and Trump's ties to Cracker Barrel then embarks on a three-state tour of America's strip-clubs, landing, inevitably, in South Florida, where the Stripper Sushi Guild reigns supreme. Jess eulogizes the late King of Diamonds, a place where the forecast was always "rainy with a...
2021-05-1142 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 18: ROGERfrom the HERALD TRIBUNE: "Florida man steals parrot from Venice pet store by putting bird in shorts pocket"
COVID-19 is a lonely planet, especially for people like Roger, who's been looking for love in all the wild places. Speaking of wild places, it's Spring Break in Florida, and all the masks are off! The WPOE Team tracks our collective Covid trauma from points north all the way down to the mojito-splattered streets of Ocean Drive. Caleb lays out in laymen's terms what to do if you grow a pheromone-horn while on your sojourn in South Florida; Jess...
2021-04-0936 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 17: A RIOT TALEZip-Tie Guy and his Mom tell their side of the story in this Special Sedition Edition of WPOE.
And the WPOE Team returns with a rendition of Jess's favorite 90's gay-raver tune, "I Do Both Jay and Jane." Caleb pitches his million-dollar idea: Tandem-Bike Capitol Riot Tours. And the Team lays out the pros and cons of Senator Joe McMansion's pandemic stimulus plan. Then, while discussing the astronomical cost of VIP Passes at this year's White Privilege-Palooza, Jess runs into Walmart Ted Nugent, Bernie Sanders gets a pedicure, and everyone else gets a free flesh-eating tadpole. It's...
2021-02-251h 11
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 16: MATTY & PATTYfrom Orlando Sentinel: "Man stranded at Lake Eola fountain after stolen swan boat floats away"
from Travel + Leisure: "Man Arrested After Sneaking On To Abandoned Disney World Island For Quarantine"
Oh, the things people will do to make it to Disneyworld just one more time. After taking a long break in their own private pandemic staycation bunkers, Caleb, Jess, and Matt travel back in time to a place where Trump had Covid and Melania admitted to hating Christmas (and kids in cages). Then the team travels to California or Stockholm or wherever the Hadron Particle...
2020-10-2300 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 15: CLARAfrom NBC LOCAL NEWS: "Florida woman accused of zipping boyfriend in suitcase, leaving him to die"
Clara's not planning a vacation, but she still packed way too much for her trip. The WPOE team experiences technical difficulties while trying to pinpoint our place on the backwards Mayan calendar, then ponders the benefits of "extreme trauma packing" and the joys of "jaunting" one's troubles away. Frozen Bros on NBC gets a plug, the team posts their reviews of IKEA's Dörkeltrier Bookcase and Hamilton on Disney+, QAnon is spellchecked, Scientologists are tested for COVID-19, and Caleb says a...
2020-07-2957 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 14: LEONARDfrom LOCAL10.COM: "Woman found dead near cemetery in Brownsville"
Leonard's story is full of ghosts, the same ghosts who haunt the hearts and souls of very many Floridians. The WPOE team hops off the soap-box and summons the spirit of James Baldwin, whose voice echoes in the chambers of the Florida Forum and out onto the streets of every city in America. Music by Orlando's premiere New Orleans-style jazz ensemble, BROWN BAG BRASS BAND.
2020-06-2328 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 13: SARAH SOLOMON GARCIAfrom WFHN Florida Headline News: "Bunnell man kills neighbor’s dog after it mauls his cat”
There's a Rat Lady loose in the backyards of Bunnell, and she will do anything to protect her babies. It's the third fully-locked-down episode of WPOE, and the team muses from deep in their bunker-holes about drive-through rodeos in Broward, Shining-inspired adventure cruises, and a new acronym for MAGA. Matt tells a heartwarming story about his short-lived and bittersweet time as a lover of rats; Jess and Caleb reveal their own "Plandemic" theory, spelled out in the Navajo covid-code hidden in John...
2020-05-191h 03
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 12: QUARANTINE TALESJess social distances with a mango, and Caleb tries to buy a sandwich in this special locked-down edition of WPOE. The team spends some quality time sniffing their microphones and reminiscing about head-sized margaritas and perfectly-cheesed nacho chips enjoyed in solidarity; then they attempt to accurately measure the emotional weight of the Coronavirus lockdown and search for an antidote to what Jess calls "the Capitalism hangover" we are apparently all experiencing. There is some sudden nostalgia for things not so long since past, Caleb longs for the lost scent of a store-bought album on cassette, and Jess tells us...
2020-05-0557 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 11: MANATEE MICHAELFrom ABC7 WWSB: "Manatee County man arrested for allegedly threatening neighbors with AR-15"
Michael from Manatee County is real mad that someone ripped up his new lawn, but it's not something his Ruger GP100 Double Action 357 Magnum can't fix. Or so he thought. After Michael tells it like it is, the WPOE Team breaks a few 1000-year-old-eggs trying to send their Corona-era quarantine messages into the lonely bunkers of the world. There is a surprise visit from the tiniest of team members, a Bloody Mary virtual toast, and a very serious discussion about the dangers of smoking...
2020-04-2851 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 10: SHAYNAfrom THE MIAMI NEW TIMES: "Ultra Music Festival-Goer Nearly Dies After Drinking Water Laced With Antifreeze"
Cry, beloved Ultra. Shayna trips hard then her friend trips way harder. The WPOE team dives deep into the thermal-pool of politics and then dives even deeper into the gonorrhea-pool of music festivals; Caleb puts his drug-soaked yurt up for sale, Matt reveals his secret love for Burning Man, and the team breaks down the chemical components of anti-freeze, natural gas and ayahuasca-tea. Then the Westboro Baptist Church and ethnobotanist Terrence McKenna make surprise cameos, Jess explains what a TELEKINETIC WALRUS...
2020-04-0732 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 9: FATHER KEVINFrom the MIAMI HERALD: "Two priests parked their car in South Beach. What they were seen doing sent them to jail"
Something happened to Father Kevin on Ocean Drive, something that, for the first time in his life, made him truly believe. The WPOE team follows with an official welcome to Life in the Time of Coronavirus and ponders what wicked things might happen in the back seat of Homer's Honda Odyssey. They quickly move on to the popular topics of God, love, judgement, repression, freedom, release, and Amish "wilding." Then Matt spills his coffee all over...
2020-03-1847 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 8: VICKYfrom NEWS 96.5 WDBO: "Easter bunny gives beat down in downtown Orlando"
Vicky from Sarasota Springs explains how sometimes the Easter Bunny can be just like a vengeful God. Then Caleb, with the help of Jack "Murph the Surf" Murphy, sets the record straight on surfing in Florida and comes clean on his Christian evangelical past; fake Guns N' Roses makes a cameo; the possible origins of Trump's fake face are discussed; and Caleb talks about shooting real guns in rural Pennsylvania. Also, the "band" NIGHTRAIN plays some music, and the WPOE team talks about the cult...
2020-02-2050 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 7: SURFER JONfrom CBS MIAMI: "Florida Man Tries To Pay For Fast Food With Bag Of Weed"
When Surfer Jon surfs, he gets hungry, and when he gets hungry, he gets hungry for chicken nuggets, period. Also, when Caleb wonders aloud about surfing, he says "like" a lot, like 30 times a lot. He also can't figure out where the waves are in Florida. Jess tries to explain by waxing surfboard poetic about Ron Jon and Miami's one-and-only surf-noir rock band, HAUTE TENSION. And then everybody learns that the Mayflower was actually just a wooden cruise ship, staffed by indentured...
2020-01-2836 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 6: DEBORAHfrom ABC NEWS FLORIDA: "Mother charged after 3-year-old son nearly drowns in Florida hot tub."
Deborah from Daytona Beach wants you to know that she's genuinely sad about that kid nearly drowning; but in all honesty, her daughter has a much better shot at snagging Little Miss Sunshine now that that kid is off the stage. Caleb and Jess take the opportunity to free dive into Pageantmomland, Jess revels in the laurels of her time as a baby model and introduces us to a racist crow from the Wizard of Oz; then we learn about American Idol's...
2020-01-1527 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 5: STANKOfrom the MIAMI HERALD: "‘Do not warm urine.’ Florida gas station warns people not to put pee in the microwave."
Stanko really doesn't want you to heat up your piss in his microwave. So please stop. Jess and Caleb reveal the secret ingredient in Red Bull and try to pinpoint what gives gas station convenience stores that distinctive "murder hut" smell. Then Caleb declares his love for all things Eastern Europe, Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe makes a cameo, and the WPOE crew sing the praises of the Florida band keeping Death Metal alive, Panama City's CANNABYSS.
2020-01-0126 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 4: MANUELAfrom MIAMI NEW TIMES: "Miami Social Media 'Influencer' Arrested on Money-Laundering Charges"
Manuela is not happy about her lambos being impounded. All three of them. But her followers are up, and her new lawyer might catch her a break; so all's good in the land of Instagram. Also, Caleb and Jess somehow make a Judd Nelson connection, momentarily fall down a Breakfast Club hole, deep dive into Instagram Feminism and accidental cultural appropriation, and then tie it all together with all things LA GOONY CHONGA.
2019-12-1727 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 3: DERRICKfrom ACTION NEWS JAX: "Florida man battered boyfriend with Billy Bass fish"
Derrick really hated that singing fish. Caleb and Jess try to figure out why and go on a trip with Big Mouth Billy Bass through the troubled corridors of post-capitalist television and into the realm of ancient Babylonian revenge gods. Then they talk about fishing. And Morrissey. Music by Miami's premiere Smith's cover-band, Ordinary Boys.
2019-12-0330 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 2: ANGELYNEfrom WFLA: "Key Largo couple steals motorized shopping cart from Walmart, drives to bar."
Meet Angelyne. She loves horses, and she loves her man; but she loves Fireball most of all. Caleb and Jess talk about the joy and destruction of Florida binge drinking, underage clubbing, and the feeling you get when you hear a reggae band play a cover of your favorite 80's hit while binging on Fireball in a tiki bar. Music by The Supervillians.
2019-11-1731 min
WORST PLACE ON EARTHEpisode 1: DOUGfrom Miami Herald: "Security Officer Fired For Uploading His Farts To Instagram."
Doug the security guard tells his side of the story; Caleb and Jess talk all things Florida, all things flatulent, and introduce the non-polka-loving world to the bombastic sounds of the Europa Band.
2019-11-1524 min