Shows
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Gaping Hole Where Reconciliation Should Be: Life Without Repair in a Covert Narcissistic RelationshipOne of the most painful realities of living with a covert narcissist is the absence of reconciliation. Conflicts don’t get repaired. Apologies are either nonexistent or so hollow they echo in your chest. You’re left holding the pieces of a conflict, waiting for your partner to help put them back together—only to realize they’ve already walked away, acting like nothing happened.
In this episode, Renee Swanson explores the gaping hole where reconciliation should exist in relationships with covert narcissists. Through real-life examples—like the silent treatment over a dishwasher, the missed soccer game, and the jo...
2025-08-2521 min
Bunny Hugs and Mental HealthNarcissism or Untreated ADHD - Renee SwansonRenee Swanson is the charming host of The Covert Narcissist Podcast. We discuss the complexities of narcissism, undiagnosed ADHD, addiction, emotional dysregulation and how they may look the same but are very different. Renee explains the differences between overt and covert narcissism, the impact on their relationships and the impact on children raised in such environments. Can narcissistic traits manifest in everyone? Is your partner a covert narcissist? Better yet, are you a covert narcissist? Look for more information on Renee’s website covertnarcissism.com and on her YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson or listen on Applepodcast ht...
2025-06-2649 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe True Intentions of the Covert Narcissist (Special Throwback Episode)Have you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want?
Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. What is that agenda? What are their true intentions?
The true intentions of a covert narcissistic person are:
•to rely on others to build them up, to bui...
2025-02-1421 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastWords of Affirmation for Survivors of Covert Narcissistic AbuseWelcome to Covert Narcissism Podcast, I’m your host Renee Swanson. This is a safe space where survivors of covert narcissistic abuse find hope, understanding, and healing. Today, this episode is dedicated to you—an affirmation of your strength, resilience, and worth. Take a deep breath, settle into a comfortable space, and let these words remind you of the incredible person you are.
Remember, your worth isn’t determined by what you’ve endured but by the incredible strength you’ve shown in rising above it. Keep moving forward—you are deserving of love, light, and peace. Your healing...
2024-11-2807 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Hidden Scars of Covert NarcissismThis episode is dedicated to everyone who is going through the upcoming holidays with a covert narcissist. As the world sees this “wonderful” person in your life, I see you! I see the pain, the doubt, the confusion, the fear.
People who have survived this often feel invisible, dismissed, or doubted when sharing their experiences with others. Today, we’re diving into what survivors wish more people understood, and how we can better support those who’ve endured this hidden abuse. Let’s unmask the truth together.
Welcome to the Covert Narcissism Podcast, the podcast where we ex...
2024-11-2417 minThe Covert Narcissism Podcast3 Simple Steps for Boundary Setting with a Covert NarcissistGrandiose narcissists cross physical boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in a physical manner. They hit you, shove you, grab you, or throw things at you. They have no regard for your physical space or safety.
Vulnerable narcissists, often referred to as covert narcissists, cross emotional boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in an emotional way. They hit you emotionally, blame you, guilt you, or dismiss you. They have no regard for your emotional space or safety.
In this episode, Renee gives you 3 simple steps that you can put into place to establish bo...
2024-11-0323 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastQ & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast JourneyQ & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast Journey
Recently Renee had the opportunity to be interviewed about her journey with Covert Narcissism and how it led where it is today with the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Currently the Covert Narcissism Podcast is downloaded by hundreds of thousands of listeners each month, and has expanded from Renee’s guest room, to a studio, and from a small facebook group to group coaching and retreats that take place year round. The question on the minds of many who have asked is, how did it get here...
2024-09-2216 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastRenee Swanson, Not a TherapistI am not a therapist, and you are not a victim.
I am an advocate, and you are a survivor.
I have faced the massive amounts of confusion
I have been curled up on the floor of my closet unable to function
I have faced all the self-doubt and self-blame.
I've never tried so hard in anything in my life as I did at this marriage
This is not a normal relationship, a normal marriage, or a normal breakup.
Fortress Debt can help you gain your...
2024-08-1116 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Mixed Up Emotions As The Relationship Ends (Special Throwback Episode)I was so excited for the day that my husband was to move out of our home. I just knew how happy I would be. You could not erase the smile off my face as he was loading his last load. Finally!! This day was here. He would no longer be in my home. My home!! That sounded so amazing. He drove off with his last things. I just knew I would be dancing in the street.
But I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t expect. I dropped on my bed and sobbed. I crie...
2024-07-2524 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastWhen Friends and Family don't Understand Covert NarcissismWhen friends and family members don't understand the abuse we are enduring from covert narcissism, this adds to the pain and confusion we are already experiencing. Their dismissiveness of the abusive behavior only compounds our frustration. They often dismiss it, not to add to our pain, but in an attempt to keep the peace and move on. When our loved ones see the small glimpses of abusive behavior, they conclude that these are isolated events and suggest that we treat them as such. However, we know that these are a continuous pattern of toxic behaviors. These single events trigger...
2024-07-0422 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastWith Covert Narcissism, I Am NOT Okay.Listening to some music the other day, a song came on that really spoke to me. It was by Jelly Roll and titled “I Am Not Okay.” I can’t speak for Jelly Roll, but as a victim of covert narcissism, these lyrics could not have been more fitting.
I am not okay
I'm barely getting by
I'm losing track of days
I'm losing sleep at night
I am not okay
I'm hanging on the rails
So if I say I'm fine just...
2024-06-2709 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThis Was Never About You (Special Throwback Episode)THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU!!
•The way they talk to you
•The way they treat you
•The reactions they have
•The looks
•The silent treatment
•The circular conversations from
•The abuse
•All of it
It was never about you. You need to know that. You need to hear what I am saying.
If you want to find healing inside of you, this is so vitally important. This experience you have been through, the pain, the anguish, the anxiety, none of it had anything to do with you.
I’m Renee Swanson...
2024-06-2023 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastSelf-Care After Dealing with Covert NarcissismWhen you’ve been living with a covert narcissist for many years, your self-care is almost non-existent. You don’t have the time, energy, mental capacity, or freedom to take care of yourself. Any efforts at self-care may have been labeled as selfish. Over the years, you've paid a high price for trying to even do the bare minimum of caring for yourself. It just isn't worth the price. Robbing you of the right to care for yourself is abuse! No one should ever have the right to take that away from you. Self-care is a beautiful part of life...
2024-06-1322 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Isolating Dynamics of a Covert Narcissistic RelationshipIn this chat time with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, these two discuss two questions brought by Covert Narcissism Podcast listeners. They each share their answer to this question, “Looking back, when do you wish you would have left? Is there a time that you “wish” you would have filed for divorce sooner?”
The second question they dive into is “Please discuss the isolating dynamics of a covert narcissistic relationship.” In their answer, they talk about two aspects of this question. Covert narcissists isolate you from others with their tactics of manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting and victim ro...
2024-05-1225 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastTackling Tough Questions with Eleanor MarksIn this chat with Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson, they address somes questions brought to them in the Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group.
One member said that she is wondering about helpful things to know when dealing with an attorney who only understands the general ‘narcissist’ definition but not all the underlying behavior issues that compose a covert narcissist. This is a very tough situation, especially in today's world where courts won't even allow you to say the word 'narcissist.' That word is thrown around too much and this takes away from those who have truly suffered at t...
2024-04-1924 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastGuest episode with Brandon Chadwick from Narcissist ApocalypseToday, we welcome Brandon Chadwick as a guest on the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Brandon has his own podcast called, The Narcissist Apocalypse Podcast. In his podcast, Brandon shares a variety of stories from survivors of narcissistic abuse. These stories are raw and unfiltered examples of dealing with this type of abuse and the effects of it. In today’s episode, you are invited to listen in on a conversation between Brandon and Renee about how they each got started on this journey. Both Brandon and Renee share a passion for helping our world in the midst of this narcissistic ni...
2024-04-1254 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Terrifying Narcissistic Traits in Our ChildrenIn this Q&A session with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, we answer two questions from the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group.
How do you deal with the golden child and help them to unlearn concerning narcissistic traits without disparaging the other parent?
How do you maintain a relationship with said child when also trying to protect yourself and heal from the narcissistic abuse trauma?
These are tough questions that so many people in our world are struggling with. Whether a child is used as the golden child, the scapegoat, or some combination of the two, t...
2024-03-2427 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Point of No ReturnThere is an invisible line, imaginary and yet very real, that once pushed past it, you simply cannot come back. No amount of effort will bring you back from this point of no return.
Brinkmanship is the art of pursuing a dangerous policy to the limits of safety before stopping. The dangerous policy is mistreating others, dismissing them, invalidating them, blaming them, yelling at them, cheating on them. The limit of safety refers to how far can I push them before they leave me. A game that narcissistic individuals perfect. Until the day that they push you t...
2023-11-2618 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastGuest episode on Pathological LyingThe pathological lies of a covert narcissist leave a wake of devastation. Not only do they affect your immediate life and life choices, but they leave deep scars inside you as you unravel all the lies. In this episode, Julie tells her story as she woke up to over a decade of lies that drastically impacted her life.
Lies from a narcissistic person are not only to avoid personal responsibility. They are a tool to gain your sympathy, admiration, and attention. Narcissists build a life full of delusions, and these lies help keep their image in place. Th...
2023-11-1029 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Religious Covert NarcissistGod told me! Scripture tells me. you're supposed to love me! You're supposed to forgive me! I'm the most Christian person you know. You're just letting the devil in your heart. I've got God in my heart! It's not my fault that you don't. If you would just get things right with God, then you would love me again. You know, you really need to pray about it!
The spiritual narcissist or religious narcissist is a very dangerous individual. The damage they do runs deep!
Before I dive into this episode, I want to say...
2023-10-2917 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastTwo Things You Should Never Say to a Victim of Covert Narcissism (Special Throwback Episode)There are some things that people should just never say to a victim of narcissistic abuse, and specifically covert narcissistic abuse. As a victim myself, I know that It is so hard sometimes to find people who understand and actually know how to provide the unique support that this victim needs. They need to feel heard and validated in a way that most people don’t seem to understand.
In this episode, I discuss two things that people should never say to these victims, two things that you don’t want to hear in your world right now, and...
2023-10-1324 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastInterview by Ross Rosenberg, Part OneI was privileged to be interviewed by Ross Rosenberg, an internationally known expert in the field of narcissism. It was quite an honor to meet with him and share my story with him and his audience. This two-part series is that interview shared here with you.
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is Self-Love Recovery Institute’s CEO and primary contributor. His internationally recognized expertise includes pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and attachment trauma. His advanced education, advanced clinical certifications, and more than 35 years of professional work experience enable him to create, produce and provide compelling and life-changing semina...
2023-09-2935 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastGaslighting Our Kids is Damaging“If I validate my kid's feelings about their dad, then I'm bad mouthing him. If I tell my kids he's not that bad, and he really does love them, then I'm gaslighting them. My kids have picked up on the fact that he is a difficult person to deal with, and often show up at my house and tell me the latest thing he did. When I encourage them to talk to their dad about how they feel, they say they can't because he'll yell at them. Which is totally true. If I tell him how the kids feel, I...
2023-09-2422 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastWhat About the Kids?You find yourself married to a covert narcissist. Researching like crazy. You are stunned at the treatment you have allowed and the behavior you have accepted. It’s not okay, and it is absolutely time to put up some boundaries to protect you, so you can heal and find you again. But what about your kids?
You have kids with this person! This can be a horrifying and alarming realization. Of course, you knew that you had kids with them, but now you realize that you had kids with a covert narcissist. Now what??
This is a mini-series abo...
2023-09-0319 minThe Covert Narcissism PodcastA Grenade Inside a Tank (Special Throwback Episode)Someone who has experienced covert narcissistic abuse is like a grenade inside a tank. On the inside, you are wound up so incredibly tight, over-thinking everything, over-analyzing everything. Just waiting to explode. On the outside, you are a fortress of steel. You have a wall of protection around you, afraid to say anything, to do anything, trusting no one, letting no one in. A grenade inside a tank.
I’m Renee Swanson, your host and creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today I am talking directly to anyone who is or has been a victim of covert na...
2023-08-0414 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastIntermittent Reinforcement, A Powerful Manipulation ToolWhy can’t I leave? What is this crazy ride I am on? One minute I want out so badly, but the next I am fighting to stay. Do I want to stay? Do I want to go? Why can’t I make up my mind? What is wrong with me?
There is nothing wrong with you! You have been a victim of an incredibly powerful manipulation tool called intermittent reinforcement. I am going to describe that tool today and tell you why it has such a strong effect on you and so many other victims.
In...
2022-09-0422 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastYour Warning System is Not BrokenI’m so easily upset. I didn’t use to be, but I am now. Is something wrong with me?
I’ve become so reactive. The smallest things really upset me now. Am I the problem?
I'm on high alert all the time. I feel defensive and easily triggered. Am I the narcissist?
We all have a built in warning system. It is designed to keep us safe from harm. This warning system causes us to feel anxious and upset, on high alert, on edge, not trusting the situation, and incredibly uncomfortable. The warnin...
2022-08-2823 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCovert Narcissists Rule Their EnvironmentWhen you are with a covert narcissist, you gradually and even completely disappear as an individual. You no longer matter in your world. They completely rule the environment. They are the one in charge of the dance that is going on between you and them. Their moves are the ones that decide the direction you go. Today I am discussing two distinct ways that this plays out - their timetable is the only one that matters and their mood sets the mood of the home. These two things, among others, put the covert narcissist in charge of the environment...
2022-08-0720 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastHow Do We Raise Kids with a Covert Narcissist?Anyone who is here listening to this podcast is dealing with an emotionally unavailable person. A person who does not have clearly defined boundaries nor honor your clearly defined boundaries. A person who is not emotionally safe for spontaneous and easy interactions.
In all these podcast episodes, I talk through many characteristics of a covert narcissist. If I had to briefly define a covert narcissist, it is a person who is psychologically and emotionally unsafe and damaging to those closest to them in ways that are subtle, passive aggressive, and not perceived from the outside.
...
2022-07-3121 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastLove Bombing Part TwoWelcome back to the covert narcissism podcast. I’m Renee Swanson, your host. Last week we started talking about Love bombing. What is it? How is it different from genuine relationships? How do I keep from falling prey to this again in my future relationships?
If you missed last week’s episode, please go back and listen to that one first. Then pick it up here.
People often talk about love bombing that happened at the beginning of the relationship. However, relationships with toxic people don’t always start this way. In fact some relationships with a...
2022-06-2722 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastLove BombingLove bombing is when one person is overly attentive to the other, absorbed by them, and uses this to gain control and to manipulate the other. They consume you with their love, attention and affection. However once you are under their spell, their behavior turns and the devaluing begins. The cycle of love bombing and devaluing is an integral part of the relationship with a covert narcissist.
Love bombing can erase weeks and even months of bad behavior. We talk a lot about the ugly side of covert narcissism, the circular conversations, the blaming, the gaslighting, the...
2022-06-1920 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastInterview with Ross RosenbergThis special extra-long episode is an incredibly helpful interview with Ross Rosenberg. We talk about his book, The Human Magnet Syndrome, the draw that happens between narcissistic people and their victims, a new look at codependency, and how to begin that healing journey. What starts off as the codependent’s dream “soul mate” almost always transforms into their nightmare “cellmate.”
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He's a global thought leader and renowned clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions. Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are respon...
2022-06-1247 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastYour Rights When With a Covert Narcissist“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”
Now that I have shown how I will treat every word that comes out of your mouth, you better just shut up. I’m better than you at manipulating things, turning things against you, c...
2022-06-0621 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastRadical Personal ResponsibilityI often get asked:
Why did this happen to me?
How did I get here?
How do I prevent it from ever happening again?
How do I heal from this?
These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this.
You need to know about Radical Personal Responsibility - Your special weapon that is unreachable for...
2022-05-2920 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastInterview with Debbie MirzaWhat a privilege it is to introduce to you Debbie Mirza! She is best-selling author of the book "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist," one of the first books I ever read that opened my eyes to the nightmare that I was living. This book is an amazing resource for gaining awareness and understanding of covert narcissism.
Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and restorative path to healing after narcissistic abuse. Debbie is a beautiful testimony that healing is possible and thriving is obtainable.
She is currently working on her 3rd and potentially...
2022-05-2231 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe True Intentions of the Covert NarcissistHave you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want?
Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. What is that agenda? What are their true intentions?
The true intentions of a covert narcissistic person are:
to rely on others to build them up...
2022-05-1621 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Effects of Projections and ExpectationsSince you are here listening to this, you have probably done some amount of research into narcissism. By now, you have probably run into the word projection as it relates to narcissism.
A relationship that is built on projections and expectations is a relationship that is doomed to struggle. I talk about this a lot in my group coaching program, but I have realized that I have never done a podcast episode on it. It is definitely time!
Let’s define what projection is. It is the process of misinterpreting what is on the inside of...
2022-05-0824 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastMy Muck Sweeping BroomI was SO good at sweeping things under the rug! I could take any huge bad things that happened and just make it disappear.
Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced this?
Maybe you have heard this phrase before and don’t really know what it’s talking about. I am going to explain it right here and give you personal examples from my world.
I recently realized that the broom I used the most actually has a title. Here’s what I mean. Sweeping things under the rug refers to all...
2022-05-0220 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastI Want Out, Now What??I can’t keep living like this. I’ve tried everything I know to try. Things might get better for a little while, but it never lasts. I continuously find myself right back in the same place. Over and over trying to explain how I feel and everything is always flipped back at me. I’ve been doing this for years, or even decades, and I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve tried everything I can try. I’m damaged. My kids are damaged. I’m done. I want out, now what?
That very thought can be intense...
2022-04-2523 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCan You get PTSD from a Relationship with a Covert NarcissistCan you get PTSD or CPTSD from a relationship with a covert narcissist
100% yes!! Let’s talk about PTSD and CPTSD in relation to narcissist abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma response triggered from a single terrifying event, such as:
natural disaster
home intrusion
car accident
serious injury
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma responses developed from ongoing or chronic trauma. It is prolonged traumatic events, such as:
ongoing abuse
childhood abuse
domestic violence
kidnapping, enslavement
prisoner of war
The majority of people exposed to trauma do not develop long-term post-traumatic st...
2022-04-1721 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Excruciating Pain of Emotional AbandonmentI would never have said that abandonment was a concern for me in my marriage. He was never going to leave me. He would never run off with another woman. I knew that he would always be home in the evenings and on the weekends.
Other people talked about the issue of abandonment. Some narcissists do run off with affairs. They discard their victim simply to get another one. But that didn’t apply in my situation. So I really didn’t think that abandonment was an issue for me.
Until one day, I opened my e...
2022-04-1119 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastTrauma Bonding Part TwoLet’s remember what trauma bonding is - In a simple definition, it is when the one who has hurt you is the one you turn to help you feel better. Trauma bonding feels like, “you’ve broken me into pieces but you’re the only one who can fix me.” The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes.
You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rely on this person to help you feel relief fro...
2022-04-0625 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastTrauma Bonding Part One of TwoWhy can’t I actually leave this relationship? I want to! I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I want stability. I want peace. I want less drama. Why can’t I actually walk away? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I continue to give them another chance, over and over? What is wrong with me? Am I crazy?
If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does thi...
2022-04-0321 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastLiving in the Narcissistic FOGThere is a reason that this word FOG always appears in capital letters now. It is an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These words explain the progression of things for the victim of narcissistic abuse, and even more so with covert narcissistic abuse.
The internal reaction of, “I’ll never do that again,” or "I'll never say that again," is the beginning of FEAR. Whatever it was that provoked that reaction from them that you just experienced, you will now avoid at all costs. Fear of their anger, their rejection, their judgment, even their silence.
Not...
2022-03-2722 min
The Covert Narcissism Podcast3 Landmarks that Boosted Me ForwardLast night, I was caught off guard with a question I had not really thought about. I was not prepared to answer this question about my journey with a covert narcissistic husband. Here's the question:
Name 3 significant landmarks along the way. Three things that boosted me forward on this journey and got me to where I am today.
At first, I only thought of external events. Things that actually took place on a specific day and involved people in my life. These events were what I named at the time. But later that night, I...
2022-03-2021 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEverything you say and do can and will get used against youI mean everything!! You never feel safe interacting with this person. This is why this particular type of abuse is so exhausting. While the abuse may not be constant, the risk of it is. The potential is always there. You never know with anything you say or do if it will set them off.
When you are with a covert narcissist, everything you do gets used against you. Everything you say. Everything you do. Even every kind or compassionate act you do.
In this episode, I give you personal examples from my own marriage to...
2022-03-1321 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCompare the life of a covert narcissist with the life of their victimAre you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?
In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.
On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The...
2022-03-0619 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Eternal Victim Role of a Covert NarcissistI hear so many people who have lived with a covert narcissist describe this person as a victim of everything. They can make everything be an attack on them or another way they got slighted.
Covert narcissists love to play the victim role. They see themselves as an eternal victim. They will deny this of course. If you try to talk to them about it, then they will often react with sullenness and despair at how much your words are hurting them. Taking them right back into that victim role. Of course, you can’t say this is...
2022-02-2723 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastHow My Codependent Tendencies Led Me Straight to a Covert NarcissistI now know the role that my own codependent tendencies played in creating this match. This match that I was convinced was made in heaven. This match that I truly believed was perfect. This match that was such a disaster. This match that nearly destroyed my own health and the lives of my boys.
I realize now how much my own background played a part in all of this. How that very background could cause me to easily repeat this pattern, like so many do. So many victims leave one abusive relationship and walk directly into another...
2022-02-2020 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastMidweek Check In #2Grasping covert narcissism is like grasping the wind. It is here one minute and gone the next. We think we have a solid grasp on it only to watch that slip away. This only adds to the confusion we have, causing many victims to slip back into the cycle and blame themselves once again. Because of this, I am adding a Wednesday podcast that is a midweek check in. This will be brief reviews of key elements to keep present in your mind. My goal is to help you keep clarity on how you are feeling and why, on...
2022-02-1622 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEntitlement - Feeding that False Self of Covert NarcissismThe entitlement of a narcissistic person screams, "I am special simply because! I am better than everyone. I am more important than everyone. Everyone knows I am special and should treat me as such."
Individuals with narcissistic tendencies expect special treatment. They feel that good things should come their way simply because of who they are. Not because of anything they have or haven't done, but rather just because they "deserve" it.
They believe that they are superior to others and thus deserve special treatment. They expect more respect and more attention, often demanding treatment...
2022-02-1322 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCovert Narcissism Podcast TrailerHi, I’m Renee Swanson. Host of the covert narcissism podcast!
Narcissism is a very common word in today’s world. Narcissists are the arrogant, self-centered, loud life of the party, who only talk about themselves, bragging and over-exaggerating their achievements.
Covert narcissists aren’t like this. They hide their narcissism to an insane level. Not only does the world not see it, but the victim doesn’t see it. Even the covert narcissist can convince themselves that they are caring and compassionate people.
They carry the same traits of arrogance, superiority, entitlement, hyper-se...
2022-02-0601 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastA Deeper Look at Passive Aggressive BehaviorCovert narcissists are experts at passive aggressiveness. They have this down so well. As a victim of the abuse, we are so conditioned that we don’t see it! Cognitive dissonance keeps us blind to so much for so long. I tell you now though, once you start to see what is going on, you cannot unsee it. Once you cross that threshold, you can’t go back. The door behind you closes and locks.
Can you put the passive aggressive behavior into words? Can you describe it, define it, explain it? Can you give examples or do t...
2022-02-0628 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastMidweek Check InGrasping covert narcissism is like grasping the wind. It is here one minute and gone the next. We think we have a solid grasp on it only to watch that slip away.
This only adds to the confusion we have, causing many victims to slip back into the cycle and blame themselves once again.
Because of this, I am adding a Wednesday podcast that is a midweek check in. This will be brief reviews of key elements to keep present in your mind.
My goal is to help you keep clarity on how...
2022-02-0221 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Mixed-Up Emotions as the Relationship EndsI was so excited for the day that my husband was to move out of our home. I just knew how happy I would be. You could not erase the smile off my face as he was loading his last load. Finally!! This day was here. He would no longer be in my home. My home!! That sounded so amazing. He drove off with his last things. I just knew I would be dancing in the street.
But I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t expect. I dropped on my bed and sobbed. I cr...
2022-01-3123 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastFirst Steps of Healing from Covert Narcissistic AbuseI get asked frequently, how do I heal from this? How do you ever get over it? How do you move forward? Will I ever trust again? Can I have a healthy relationship?
These are excellent questions and they go through the minds of many victims of covert narcissistic abuse. The journey is tortuously painful and can seem completely unending. It feels like it will simply last forever. Not only is there no end in sight, there isn’t even a simple path going forward.
If I do this, if I do that, if I go...
2022-01-2420 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThis Was Never About YouTHIS WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU!!
The way they talk to you
The way they treat you
The reactions they have
The looks
The silent treatment
The circular conversations from
The abuse
All of it
It was never about you. You need to know that. You need to hear what I am saying.
If you want to find healing inside of you, this is so vitally important. This experience you have been through, the pain, the anguish, the anxiety, none of it had anything to do with you.
I’m Renee Swanson, creator of th...
2022-01-1622 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWhat is Cognitive Dissonance and What Do I Do About It?Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel like they are going crazy. They often tell me that they are losing their mind. They don’t know which end is up, what reality is or what to do next. They are often frozen in self-doubt and confusion.
This is because of cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I am going to help you understand what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens, and what to do about it.
Cognitive dissonance is when a single individual holds conflicting attitudes or beliefs within themselves. This goes hand in hand with living wi...
2022-01-1024 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastGrasping Covert NarcissismCovert narcissism is messed up! It is so twisted you feel like you are going insane just trying to get a grasp on what’s going on. It is so hard to pinpoint and impossible to describe. You can’t possibly explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Trying to makes you sound crazy, even to yourself. So now you question your own sanity. It is mind-boggling and exhausting. Many victims collapse into a pile of nothing and give up. I don’t blame them. I have been there many times. I know that pain firsthand.
Th...
2022-01-0321 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastVictims Often Join the Abuse ThemselvesNot only do victims of covert narcissistic abuse not see the abuse, they often join the abuser in abusing themselves. It’s the perfect storm built by this abuser in your life. Their circular conversations, projection, blame shifting, guilt manipulating, and many other tactics leave you, the victim, in complete confusion.
You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are the problem. You blame yourself. You make it all your fault. You do everything you can to fix it....
2021-12-2719 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastBlame Shifting - A Powerful Tool for the Covert NarcissistIf you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.
Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.
I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vaca...
2021-12-1919 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Narcissism SpectrumNarcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears.
You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. “I got it. This makes sense,” you think. The next day you wake up, and everything is all jumbled up again. What really is narcissism? Is this really how he/she is acting? Are th...
2021-12-1319 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastBreaking the Internal Chains of AbuseMemories can absolutely haunt victims of covert narcissistic abuse for years!! They trigger us, causing massive internal reactions. Anxiety, tension, pain in the gut, shaking, twitching, upset stomach, increased blood pressure and heart rate, panic attacks, and so on.
All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life.
December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, who is now my ex. This year I was purposeful about breaking those memories...
2021-12-0522 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Narcissist’s Prayer Part 2This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you.
These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give.
The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the attitudes are definitely conveyed.
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it...
2021-12-0218 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Narcissist’s Prayer Part 1That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting, and absolutely no give of a covert narcissist.
The truth is si...
2021-11-2918 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEpisode 5 - How do We Turn the Survival Skills OffSo how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?
Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.
Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships...
2021-11-2123 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEpisode 4 - The Survival Skills of a Covert Narcissist and Their VictimHave you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions?
There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do about it.
Narcissism is...
2021-11-1824 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEpisode 3 - Tactical Responses to the Trauma of AbuseHave you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong?
When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal!
The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work. It is driven by the intense desire to fix this! You...
2021-11-1524 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEpisode 2 - Internal Trauma Responses to Covert AbuseHas your partner ever accused you of pulling away from the relationship? Of shutting down? Of being emotionally unavailable? Maybe you even feel that you are. Then you wonder if this is all your fault for not being engaged with them anymore. This is another example of reactive abuse or trauma response.
My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not being emotionally available to him anymore. Of...
2021-11-1023 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastEpisode 1 - Reactive Abuse: The Physical and Outward Reactions of VictimsEpisode 1 of a mini-series on reactive abuse and trauma responses.
Have you wondered about your own sanity in all of this? Have you reached the end of your limit and simply exploded. Now you are the one yelling and screaming at him? Am I the abusive one? Should they come take me away?
Many victims have had these experiences and thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy!
What you are experiencing is often called reactive abuse. Have you ever heard of this? Reactive abuse is the survival skills we build...
2021-11-0723 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastSigns of Abuse Inside the Victim of a Covert NarcissistCovert narcissism is so well hidden that most victims have no idea that it is abuse until they are many years, even decades, into a relationship. Some never ever see it.
This is part 2 of the signs of covert narcissism. If you missed part one, go back and listen to last week’s episode. It is titled It’s About What the Victim Doesn’t See.
In that episode I talk about the fact that the victim doesn’t see the abuse. I don’t want to take anything away from the fact that the world does...
2021-10-2519 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastIt’s About What the Victim Doesn’t SeeSo you find yourself trying to answer some questions. Is my partner a covert narcissist? Am I a victim of abuse? What exactly is a covert narcissist?
Many people know the term narcissist. We see it as the loud, boisterous person who is always the center of attention. They are arrogant, superior to everyone else, and a know-it-all. They don’t bother trying to hide this and in fact seem to love it about themselves.
You might be thinking, “This description doesn’t quite fit my partner. The arrogance is there, but they aren’t loud and...
2021-10-1823 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastTwo Tools for Healing from Covert Narcissistic AbuseI hear so many people say, "My therapist doesn't have a clue about narcissism. And especially covert narcissism." They go to therapy for years and seem to make no progress in healing. Therapists, no matter how good they are, if they haven't lived through covert narcissism, then they will not entirely understand. I was blessed to have found a therapist that understood narcissism. In fact, it was the first therapist I went to regarding my marriage. He was such a huge help to me. He had lived narcissism in his past, so he understood what I was going through...
2021-10-1123 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastPassive Aggressiveness and GaslightingI am losing my mind! Apparently everything I do hurts his feelings. I can’t get anything right. I go out of my way to make him feel happy and everything hurts his feelings. I go out of my way to leave him alone and give him space and everything hurts his feelings. One day he says this, the next day he says that. I don’t know what to do anymore. If this is you, you might be dealing with a covert narcissist! Their passive aggressiveness and gaslighting create an environment where you are constantly walking on eggshells arou...
2021-10-0423 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastI Lost Myself to a Covert NarcissistA Covert narcissist takes over your life. I have heard so many victims so I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I just want to be me again. I feel like I lost myself.
One of the problems of living with a covert narcissist is that your mind is constantly wrapped up in the past and the future. The present is NOT safe. Out of the need for survival, we stay in the past and future.
One of the pitfalls of covert narcissists is that they are completely wrapped up in their own mind. They ar...
2021-09-2717 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastHow Does This Get Better?How do I fix this? I used to ask that for years. Every day of my life
I can fix anything. If I can just help him to see… If I can just find the right words…
How does this get better? I get asked this by so many people. Victims who are in the exact place that I used to be. Women and men who are desperate for things to get better. And these are people who are willing to do whatever it takes. People who are dedicated with every fiber of their being.
2021-09-2020 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCovert Narcissists See Their World Through a Filter of AngerCovert narcissists seem to have absolutely no emotional intelligence, inside themselves or with the world around them. The general consensus is that they have no understanding of basic human emotion, especially other people’s emotions. But even their own.
They continuously stomp all over your feelings and don’t show an ounce of care about it. They can talk harshly and callously one minute and be confused as to why you don’t want to hold their hand or go to bed with them the very next minute.
Even when you try to explain it to the...
2021-09-1521 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastTwo Things You Should Never Say to a Victim of Covert NarcissismThere are some things that people should just never say to a victim of narcissistic abuse, and specifically covert narcissistic abuse. As a victim myself, I know that It is so hard sometimes to find people who understand and actually know how to provide the unique support that this victim needs. They need to feel heard and validated in a way that most people don’t seem to understand.
In this episode, I discuss two things that people should never say to these victims, two things that you don’t want to hear in your world right now...
2021-09-0523 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastGuilt Manipulation: How a Covert Narcissist Uses Your Own Guilt Against YouGuilt is such a unique thing. It can be wonderful and horrible all at the same time.
Many of us are raised to feel guilty when we do something that we should not or when we hurt someone’s feelings. We are taught that we should feel bad and make it right. This is not a bad thing
Guilt motivates us to apologize. It motivates us to do right and to fix things. Without guilt, we might not make amends. We might not make it right.
Guilt leaves this uncomfortable feeling inside of us...
2021-08-2817 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWhat Really is a Covert NarcissistMany people are struggling to understand what a covert narcissist actually is. I recently heard a podcast that was trying to figure out what a covert narcissist really is. They clearly, like so many, did not understand. I was surprised when they said, "Aren’t all narcissists covert because they all do things in secret?" They were talking about secret affairs, abuse behind closed doors, secret communication, private financial endeavors, and so on. They were questioning if all narcissists were covert. I was happy to hear them recognize that they did not understand and were going to have to do...
2021-08-2317 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastBrinkmanship: The Crazy-Making Skills of a Covert NarcissistMy covert narcissistic husband loved the word "brinkmanship." He bragged about how no one knows what that word means and how great he is at it. This should have set alarm bells off in my head!! But it didn’t. Sure, I thought it was strange. This seemed like an odd word and an odd concept.
Brinkmanship is the art or practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety, especially to force a desired outcome, the technique or practice of maneuvering a dangerous situation to the limits of tolerance or safety in or...
2021-08-1315 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastA Grenade Inside a TankSomeone who has experienced covert narcissistic abuse is like a grenade inside a tank. On the inside, you are wound up so incredibly tight, over-thinking everything, over-analyzing everything. Just waiting to explode. On the outside, you are a fortress of steel. You have a wall of protection around you, afraid to say anything, to do anything, trusting no one, letting no one in. A grenade inside a tank.
I’m Renee Swanson, your host and creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today I am talking directly to anyone who is or has been a victim of covert na...
2021-07-3115 min
The Covert Narcissism Podcast4 Hooks that Covert Narcissists Use to Rope You Back In Once AgainCovert narcissists are experts at hooking a victim back in over and over and over.
They know how to play on your sympathy. They know how to make you feel guilty and responsible for their well-being. They know how to make you feel needed and thus you stay to help them.
So many victims of covert narcissists spend years and decades of wanting to leave the relationship only to be hooked back in again and again.
Start learning what these hooks look like, how to recognize them for what they are, and how...
2021-07-2325 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Bone Dry Exhaustion of Life with a Covert NarcissistA narcissistic person cannot even do step A to help a relationship. You can wear the entire alphabet out multiple times, and they still haven't even found step A. Not even a tiny step. Nothing!
The level of exhaustion that comes with this is unbelievable. It is a bone dry emptiness. I had absolutely nothing left in my tank. I was on empty!
So why do we wear ourselves out so much trying to make the relationship work? Why do we work so hard at it? What if we put all that effort into ourselves...
2021-07-1316 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastInterview about covert narcissismVictims of covert narcissism have so many questions running through their mind. While I do get asked many questions, some questions show up in almost every conversation.
How did you realize you were with a covert narcissist?
What is a covert narcissist?
What does a relationship with a covert narcissist look like?
What do I do now?
Where can I find help?
I was recently interviewed regarding covert narcissism. In this interview, I answer these questions and more. Here are clips from that interview. I think you...
2021-07-0517 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastJust Hard to Relax - Living in a Courtroom with a Covert NarcissismLiving with a covert narcissist is like trying to live in a war zone or in a courtroom when you are the one on trial.
My son is traveling this week with his dad, who is a covert narcissist. I have been nervous about this trip and sincerely hope that everything goes well for them. I texted my son on their second day out and asked how it was going. His words spoke volumes. He said that it is going ok but it is just hard to relax.
This is exactly how life is with...
2021-06-2721 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastQ&A Session on Parenting with a Toxic PartnerParenting with a toxic partner is the single hardest thing I have ever done in life. It is a living nightmare!
You are not co-parenting. You are counter parenting. You are working against the negative energy of that other parent. You spend enormous amounts of energy simply trying to counter the damage that they are doing to their own children.
It is exhausting and impossible. Yet for the sake of your own children, it is a task that you will give everything you have in order to be successful. I hope this Q&A session...
2021-06-2122 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastShouldn’t I just be grateful that it isn’t worse!?!This podcast is audio taken from 2 short video clips that I made just recently. I want to share it here!
The first piece is Shouldn't I just be Grateful that it isn't Worse? So many people have it worse than I do. Should I just be happy that I am not in their situation? Just because others may have it worse (and that is a matter of opinion itself) does not take anything away from the pain you are experiencing. If you are questioning this, please listen to this piece!
The second part is Everything...
2021-06-1720 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastClinging to the BreadcrumbsHave you ever said...But we have some good times together. Remember that one day…. Remember that one time…. Are you building an intimate relationship on breadcrumbs?
Sure, we would have some good times together. We had evenings that were successful and happy. We had the occasional weekends where his anger stayed in check. But I came to the realization that I was hanging on to those all-too-rare times and pretending that they were our reality. I was desperately trying to build a home and raise kids around that illusion. It wasn't working.
These breadcrumbs make...
2021-06-1317 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWhy do I Wonder if I am the NarcissistMany victims of covert narcissistic abuse wonder if they themselves are the narcissist. Why is this? We finally begin to identify what is going on in our world, and then we are met with an overwhelming amount of doubt. What if I am the problem? Is it me?
Covert narcissists often accuse their victim of being a narcissist. They project their own behaviors onto their victim and blame them of many of the things they themselves are doing. They will point out things that you are doing that makes them the victim. They will add just enough...
2021-06-0816 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastNo Reconciliation Ever with a Covert NarcissistIt is impossible to reconcile with a covert narcissist! All relationships have disagreements and misunderstandings. People in healthy relationships help carry each other's blame and responsibility. They both apologize, and they both give each other room for humanness.
This is not the case when you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist. You are not allowed to be human. There is no room for mistakes or misunderstandings. Trying to reconcile with them is one of the most infuriating things to go through. It is maddening and impossible!
I mean how do you reconcile with...
2021-06-0417 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWhy Can’t Covert Narcissists Give in Communication and What To Do About ItOne thing you must realize is that the way a covert narcissist interacts with you is not about you. They learned these interaction traits in childhood. Somewhere at a young age, they learned that offering give in a conversation is dangerous and painful. They learned that give equals attack.
You can see this is how you react to their attacks. You learn that it isn't safe to offer peace in conversations with them. They learned this as a child and developed a phobia of give.
They can't say something as simple as, "I could have...
2021-05-3020 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastThe Agonizing Lack of Give in a Covert NarcissistI am going to try to explain the unexplainable. The lack of give when communicating with a covert narcissist. The absence of the regular flow of give and take that thus makes you feel that you are talking to a void. It is painful, absolutely exhausting, and crushing to your spirit
When in regular casual conversation with someone, we often confirm that we are hearing what the other person is saying. We make little sounds, comments, and gestures: such as a nod, a smile, yeah, uh-huh, true, sure, etc. People react to each other in conversation.
2021-05-2720 min
The Covert Narcissism Podcast8 Signs of a Circular Conversations from , Part 2Being trapped in a circular conversation with a covert narcissist is dreadful!! It is the loneliest place on earth. You feel completely destitute and isolated. If you have ever experienced this, you know what I am talking about.
In these two episodes, I address and describe 8 signs of these circular conversations. Here is a quick list of those signs:
1. You find yourself teaching an adult about basic communication skills and basic human emotions.
2. You find yourself thinking, “If I could just find the right words, then he would stop treating me this way.”
2021-05-2415 min
The Covert Narcissism Podcast8 Signs of a Circular Conversations from , Part 1Covert narcissists don't use conversations to find understanding, reconciliation, or compromise. They don't see them as a way to connect with a loved one, to spend time getting to know each other better. To them, conversations are about winning. They are for putting the other person down and showing their superiority.
Conversations are competitions. One person comes out a winner, and one a loser. This is warfare. It is the single most lonely place on the face of this earth. If you have experienced this, you know exactly what I am talking about.
In this...
2021-05-2216 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCovert Narcissists Seem so GenuineEven people who are aware of narcissism and victims themselves can still end up in a relationship with a covert narcissist. They seem so real, genuine, open, and vulnerable. Why do they seem so genuine?
A covert narcissist is more in love with the idea of being a compassionate person than actually being a compassionate person. They fool us because their desire to be that compassionate person is real. They do WANT to be that. They just have no ability to be that.
They are more in love with the idea of being a good...
2021-05-1914 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWhy is it So Hard to Explain Covert Narcissistic Abuse to Someone?Why can't I explain it to my friends? Why don't they get it? Why does it all sound so petty and trivial? When I’m trying to explain it to someone, I even think I sound petty. But it’s not! There is nothing petty about the nightmare that you are living! It sucks and you need people around you that get it, that understand.
Covert narcissistic abuse is a nearly invisible abuse. It is hidden in things that are a normal part of life; little disagreements, a bad mood here and there, a short word out of t...
2021-05-1714 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastA Thousand Bee StingsA relationship with a covert narcissist is like getting a thousand bee stings. Any individual event can seem so small and insignificant, like a single bee sting. No big deal, right? WRONG!! Because it isn't just one bee sting, it is a thousand!
One single example from your relationship can seem so petty and trivial. If it was a single event, it would be. But it's not. When you add all the stings together, you find yourself in an extreme amount of pain and anguish. Trying to explain it to someone is completely overwhelming.
Here...
2021-05-1611 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastCovert Narcissism and Hyper-SensitivityCovert narcissism is narcissism from a unique angle. The internal characteristics are the same as an overt narcissist, but it plays out differently.
Narcissism is not defined in the DSM as the loud and boisterous life of the party. It does not list traits of hitting, cheating, and yelling.
Rather, NPD is defined as having a grandiose sense of self-importance, requiring excessive admiration, believing that they are special, having a lack of empathy, jealous of others, and arrogant. These traits and others are present in both overt and covert narcissists. How they show up differs...
2021-05-1215 min
The Covert Narcissism PodcastWelcome to The Covert Narcissism PodcastThis podcast is dedicated to those who are living the nightmare of covert narcissistic abuse. I share my story of a 21 year marriage with a covert narcissist. We will explore what covert narcissism is and how it differs from overt narcissism. I will discuss the deep scars and effects of the abuse and how to turn it into healing. I will include episodes on helping your children for those that are co-parenting with a covert narcissist.
In this first episode, I describe how my eyes were opened to what was really going on. How I discovered that...
2021-05-1011 min