Shows
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSIA - Ep9 - Wayward PinesWe have so much to say about this one, like trust me bro, if anything almost way too many thoughts and opinions we're just dying to share. We wouldn't be the pros we are if that weren't the case. If we ran out of things to say like 20 minutes in and then spent just as much time talking about something unrelated like Henry Cavill or something... we'd look like a bunch of amateurs or something.Spoiler alert: it's not Diet Twin Peaks like at least one of us expected going in; it's like a Truman Show/Lost...2025-07-2345 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep51 - The "Asian Experience" ExperienceThe three of us met up over the 4th of July, and with recurring guest star, Sara Wiberg filming the whole event, we finally try out Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt: Asian Experience. Zach found it on ebay for $33, but the potential trip to the hospital was priceless.The full unedited video is available on Patreon!Apologies for the audio quality as we were outside with dogs and fireworks going off at random in the middle of the day when you couldn't actually see them. Also the three of us couldn't stop slapping the table for...2025-07-0919 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSIA - Ep8 - The VisitWhew, sorry about that. I moved house, so this one is a liiiiiitle late. Worth it though! In this episode, Zach and I complement Hans for a good while there and he expertly spins it into a negative. We also really begin to crack the code on Shyamalan. Oh, and we talk about Trap again.The original recording was well over two hours. There's so much gold I just had to let float down that stream. If you want to pan for it yourself, feel free to join our Patreon. It's got everything. And plus!...2025-06-251h 24
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep7 - Split"Completely worthless as an audio product" ~Zach (Regarding us talking about the movie, not the movie, we actually liked the movie)Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachCover Art uses modified Creative Commons-licensed images from:https://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/leisure/2019/01/10/director-m-night-shyamalan-merges-past-storylines-in-new-movie-glass/https://www.deviantart.com/venomspartan/art/MONEY-2-151197679https://unsplash.com/photos/scattered-poker-chips-K2PAVcngNvY2025-05-081h 15
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep6 - SplitHas Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachCover Art uses modified Creative Commons-licensed images from:https://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/leisure/2019/01/10/director-m-night-shyamalan-merges-past-storylines-in-new-movie-glass/https://www.deviantart.com/venomspartan/art/MONEY-2-151197679https://unsplash.com/photos/scattered-poker-chips-K2PAVcngNvY2025-04-0257 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep5 - GlassFirst of all, I just need you to know that I edited this down to a tight hour from an original recording of nearly 3 hours. Only the best of the best makes it in. All cream in this here crop.Join us here as we begin at the end to unpack the Unbreakable Trilogy in reverse order, starting at the thrilling conclusion of this meta-superhero triptych. Does this alternate perspective lend any new insights that you'd miss out on if you watched these three films in the right order? You'll just have to listen to find out...2025-03-1859 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep4 - Servant S01E01Ok, spoiler alert, we all really liked this one and you should watch this show. Sadly, it's only on Apple TV+, which means you've probably never heard of it even though it got four seasons and was executive produced by M. Night Shyamalan. People tell me that Apple TV+ has some really great shows, and all evidence I've seen says that's true. I'm still not signing up for an Apple product of any kind. Tim Apple will just have to deal with that.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and Zach2025-03-041h 11
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep3 - The Beach That Makes You OldThe real title is just Old, but calling it by its full made-up name is funnier. It's really all just right there in the title.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachCover Art uses modified Creative Commons-licensed images from:https://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/leisure/2019/01/10/director-m-night-shyamalan-merges-past-storylines-in-new-movie-glass/https://www.deviantart.com/venomspartan/art/MONEY-2-151197679https://unsplash.com/photos/scattered-poker-chips-K2PAVcngNvY2025-02-181h 06
In Oeuvre Our HeadsMNSAI - Ep2 - Knock At The CabinWe continue Season 2 with Shyamalan's 2023 film Knock At The Cabin featuring Jonathan Groff, Dave Bautista, Ruper Gr- oh shoot he's gone now I guess...If four people showed up at your door and said that one of you had to die... that would be pretty weird right? Neat concept you think? Pretty scary, huh? You think there's any kind of surprising twist on that premise or anything? You'll just have to listen to find out...Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachCover Art uses modified Creative...2025-02-0459 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsM. Night Shyam-all-in - Ep1 - TrapSeason 2!!! Let's hear it for season 2! This time around, we'll be looking at the oeuvre of one of Hollywood's most identifiable auteurs, Mr. Movies Night Shyamalan. But, oh, what a twist, we'll be doing this whole season... in reverse! Join us as we set out to answer the biggest questions surrounding this enigmatic moviemaker. What is a "Shyamalan Twist?" Why does the dialogue in this movie sound so weird? Why is everyone wrong about Trap?It's gonna be a wild ride!Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and Zach2025-01-211h 18
In Oeuvre Our HeadsChronicles of Nanarnia - Ep2 - The Star Wars Holiday SpecialMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY LIFE DAY!We hope you are all safe and happy on your home planets watching your Jefferson Starship holotapes with family and friends. Happy Life Day... and we do mean Happy Life Day.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and Zach2024-12-241h 03
In Oeuvre Our HeadsChronicles of Nanarnia - Ep1 - Super Mario BrosHeeeelllloooooo and welcome to an all new show! Now that we've finished watching terrible movies for a solid year-and-a-half, we thought it would be nice to sit back, relax, and... *checks notes*... start a whole new show about bad movies!? At least this time we're pretty sure that we're gonna like some of these. This episode is about the Super Mario Bros movie (no, not that one). Trust the fungus! It'll be a wild ride!Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachMusic from #Uppbeat (free f...2024-12-171h 32
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep50 - Steven See It All Wrap UpWow aren't you lucky, two episodes back to back. That's what happens when we build up this rich back catalogue by not releasing anything for like 5 months. Not really fighting the abandoned podcast allegations...We made it... Did you think we would make it? I don't think we were even sure we would make it. But we made it!Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not...2024-12-101h 21
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Bonus Quiz Show 2 - Attack Flight Born Against a Good Sniper Weapon Pistol Gun Salesman Attrition Justice EditionGuiseppi Gasagna is back and he is back with a vengeance! Follow along as he tortures us one last time on our encyclopedic knowledge of Steven Seagal and his many terrible movies. There are no winners, only losers, but we're battling to see who loses the least!Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about...2024-12-102h 17
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep49 - Beyond The LawYou've stuck with us for 49 episodes over nearly 2 years, and for 49 episodes we've talked about the long awaited sequel to 1988's Above The Law. We're finally here, and boy-oh-boy is it disappointing and anticlimactic.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about his many very, very bad movies.2024-07-2450 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep48 - General CommanderSorry this one is a week late, but Bad Boys: Ride or Die came out last week so I had to catch that... and I also kinda just didn't feel like sitting down to edit it, ya know? We're 48 deep here and lemme tell ya, it ain't getting any easier.What is there to even say about General Commander (2019)... not sure but we somehow managed to talk about it for like an hour.Almost there. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...Look at lil' Podcasting Bailey though!...2024-06-191h 03
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep47 - AttritionWe found it. We finally found it... the Platonic form of Seagal movies.If you ever wanted to see the Seagal-iest Seagal movie ever made (which you don't), look no further. This thing has got everything! Life advice delivered via fist fight, Seagal doing Eastern medicine, ambiguous magic which is both central to the plot and possibly nonexistent, and much, much more! Come listen to us talk about it for a way shorter time than you would think.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We...2024-06-051h 01
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep46 - China SalesmanWhat can I say about China Salesman? It's all in the title. You might ask yourself then, what do Steven Seagal and Mike Tyson, the front-runners on the poster, have to do with the China Salesman? Well the answer is easy. Nothing.Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we...2024-05-261h 00
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep45 - Cartels (aka Killing Salazar)This episode may look slightly long but a full ten or eleven minutes of that runtime consist of a discussion surrounding Mad Max: Fury Road (2015). That discussion mostly just being Zach and Aaron shouting different Fury Road quotes at each other next to a vaguely bemused Hans.This Cartels movie has it all: gunfights, interrogations, betrayals, comedy relief side characters. Is any of it good... well, not really, but it's all.We're almost there. I can see the light at the end of this sewer pipe.Edited by Zach.Follow us...2024-05-221h 11
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep44 - The Perfect WeaponYeah, yeah, Seagal made a movie in which he plays a fascist and the movie somehow does not comment on fascism in any way. It's exactly as fun and interesting as Bladerunner would have been if it weren't directed by Ridley Scott and if the budget were $12. Most pressing, however, is discovering which of us is the podcast's Brad Pitt.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachMusic:"Meatball Parade" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons...2024-05-151h 23
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep43 - Contract to KillHe's on a contract alright, but not to kill. Will that stop him from killing anyway? Definitely not. Does that ruin the whole plan? Absolutely. Is the whole experience as dull and boring as it is frustrating and infuriating? You betcha.Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just...2024-05-0153 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep42 - End of a Gun - Guest Starring: Josh RosaI'm gonna be 100% pure uncut completely honest with you; even after watching this movie and talking about it and listening to all of that again while editing the episode, at the time I'm writing these show notes I don't think I could tell you much of anything about this movie. It's that forgettable.At least we had friend of the show Josh Rosa on as a guest to help flesh out the Steven See-It-All lore and set the record straight on a few important matters. That was a real hoot. Don't watch this movie.Edited...2024-03-122h 06
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep41 - The Asian ConnectionIn this week's episode we spend a little bit of time discussing, as Aaron puts it, "Bonnie and Clyde but BORING" and the rest of the time is either spent discussing other terrible movies or talking about Batman. Essentially a good overview of the quintessential American male interaction in the 21st century; for any future anthropologists who are listening.Do we ever figure out what exactly it is that Asia is connecting? Your guess is as good as ours.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer...2024-03-0556 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep40 - Sniper Special OpsIt happened. It finally happened. We knew it would happen sooner or later, and if I'm honest, it took longer than I thought it would. But this one broke me. I never knew just how far downhill we could go.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about his many very, very bad movies.2024-02-2735 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep39 - Code of HonorThis week we discuss Seagal's take on the Punisher... dang... I could be watching The Punisher instead of this...Remarkably there's an almost Jackie Chan-inspired shootout where the main character has to defend himself while stuck sitting in a chair the entire time and it somehow isn't Seagal doing this. They gotta be jerking our chains at this point. We also speculate that maybe this movie kind of tries to pull off a Fight Club-esque twist but we're honestly not 100% sure on that.I know that we've consistently talked about how bad these things are...2024-02-2049 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep38 - AbsolutionINT. WRITER'S ROOM - DAYA group of men are gathered around a table, discussing a pitch for a new action movie. They speak in hushed tones, as if fearing to be overheard. One of them lights a cigarette indoors.BYRON MANN [Star]So, I'm actually the star this time, right?KEONI WAXMAN [Director](Nervously) Yeah, alongside Vinnie Jones as the villain. We just have to keep things under wraps until we start filming, or else...There's a knock at the door. Everyone freezes. Tension builds in...2024-02-131h 19
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep37 - A Good ManWe're back, and we're 'bout to snatch every mother****** birthday.If you can figure that one out, please let us know because we sure can't.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about his many very, very bad movies.2024-02-061h 12
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep36 - Force of ExecutionVing Rhames, Danny Trejo, and Bren Foster headline a movie that for some reason claims to star Steven Seagal.Seagal plays a mob boss who sells out his best man to his rival for some reason, despite the fact that he knows his rival set up the guy and the rival is trying to muscle in on Seagal's turf... but Seagal is also trying to retire from the mob life anyway so what's even the point of anything that anyone is doing here? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.Edited by Zach....2023-12-191h 35
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep35 - Maximum ConvictionThis week in the ring we have crowd favorite(?) Steven Frederick Seagal! But wait, who's this??? It's... ~glass shatters~ Stone Cold Steve Austin!? He's coming off the top turnbuckle to deliver (what should have been) quite the show here tonight, folks (but wasn't). You're not gonna wanna miss this one, wrestling fans!Content warning: Brief discussion of sexual violence as depicted in the movieEdited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he...2023-12-121h 39
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep34 - Born to Raise HellZach and Aaron get a chance to put their respective master's degrees to work while Hans gives his gut feel. Who is right and who is wrong? The answer probably won't shock you, but listen anyway! If this one sounds like it was an editing mess, that's because it was.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim...2023-12-051h 06
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep33 - MacheteWhat if another actor basically tried to do the same shtick as Seagal, but better in every way? And also that actor was Danny Trejo; star of Desperado (1995), Con Air (1997), and author of cookbook Trejos Tacos (2020). Well you'd get a pretty fun movie with plenty of gory action, cheesy one-liners, and a genuine celebration of Mexican-American culture.This one is gonna really through off the calibration of our movie watching experience, since we actually, like, enjoyed it.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do...2023-11-211h 30
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep32 - A Dangerous ManSergey, a car thief and son of a Russian mob kingpin is caught in the crossfire! After rescuing a young woman kidnapped by a rival mob, he must see her to safety, rescue her uncle from human traffickers, and uncover the dastardly plot which has them at its center. Can he survive the gangs, the crooked cops, and his demanding father while also getting the girl? Oh also Seagal is here, trying very desperately to be... A Dangerous Man.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do...2023-11-141h 09
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep31 - The KeeperHave you ever wanted to watch two inexplicably and entirely different 20 minute movies separated by about 50 minutes of meaningless filler where neither the start or end have anything to do with each other, all wrapped up in the same rage-inducing mess of a film experience?Yeah, neither did we.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just...2023-11-0753 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep30 - Driven to KillHappy All Hallows' Eve, dear listener. We have a delightfully spooOOoooOOOooOOOoooky episode for you today. This week we talk about a low budget "crime" ""thriller"" where Steven Seagal is lowers shades Driven to Kill. I guess. He kinda seems ready to kill anyone who even looks at him a little funny right from the start.If this movie starts and the first 3 minutes or so really speak to you and have you interested then I guess you won't be disappointed, but I also don't think we should hang out anytime soon.Here's an Imgur album...2023-10-3148 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep29 - Against the DarkIn this week's episode (a few days late, sorry), Steven Seagal... does nothing of note really; he's barely in this one. Instead, a ragtag band of idiots attempt to escape what appears to be the world's largest hospital during a vampire (zombie?) apocalypse. The generator is failing and if they're not out before sunrise, they'll be obliterated along with the zombies (vampires?). They're in a race... Against the DarkImgur album of screenshots mentioned in the episodeEdited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do...2023-10-271h 23
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep28 - Kill SwitchUnbeknownst to you, our dear listeners, it has been nearly two months since we last watched a Seagal movie that wasn't our punishment from the game show episode. I think it's fair to say it hit us all just as hard as we thought it would. Kill Switch was a thoroughly dull roller coaster ride with all the thrills, peaks, and valleys of a broken down carousel.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which...2023-10-1846 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep27 - Pistol WhippedSteven Seagal is a drunk, unemployed, gambling-addicted, creepy deadbeat. Sorry, Steven Seagal plays a drunk, unemployed, gambling-addicted, creepy deadbeat in this one.Does the title mean anything? No. Does the poster mean anything? No. Does anything that any character says to any other character even mean anything? Nope. The only thing watching this movie means is that it means I'm wasting my time.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is...2023-10-111h 31
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep26 - Urban JusticeOur latest just barely feature-length romp, Urban/Renegade Justice (2007) pairs Director Don E. FauntLeRoy for the third and final time with direct-to-video era Steven Seagal where they really dig into into the complex racial tensions of LA-based gang warfare deeper than we've seen thus far on this show. We decide to unpack this by... not really unpacking it at all and spending more time talking about literally anything else that we can think of.Yeah we really didn't want to talk about this one. Full honesty: we really should have stopped doing this like 20 movies ago. But...2023-10-0445 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep25 - Flight of Fury - Guest Starring: Sara WibergWe had the absolute pleasure this week to be joined by Zach's wonderful wife, Sara! I'm not entirely sure why she agreed to do this, and she had a pretty terrible time with the movie, but we had a great time talking about it with her.As for the movie itself... well, it sucked. But hey, what else is new at this point?Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is...2023-09-271h 00
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Bonus Post-Quiz Show Discussion - Before Ticker 2 : Under Dark Sunrise Territory Siege (Director's Cut)Dear listener, I think we have indulged you enough, so please, just this time, allow us to indulge ourselves. In maybe the worst episode format imaginable, we have an entirely self-indulgent ramble session that probably requires you to watch at least 2 Seagal and 1 Linklater films and listen to at least a handful of our previous episodes to even understand what's going on.If that's like, not your thing, I totally get it, but you should maybe check it out anyway. The brightest gems are oft found within the darkest territories.Edited by Zach....2023-09-2053 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep24 - Attack ForceWell back to our regular format where we discuss the barely-a-movie Blade Trinity 2: Underworld: Harvester: Attack Force: Attorneys at Law. You know that feeling when you're in a social situation and halfway through starting a sentence you realize it's something you aren't supposed to say so you kind of try to pivot halfway through to something else and you end up just kind of mumbling around and not making very much sense? This is like that, as a movie. See what happens when Prospector Seagal starts making a slasher vampire alien flick and then halfway through they...2023-09-131h 11
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Bonus Quiz Show - Submerged Into The Foreigner's Belly Of The Patriot Under JusticeCome one, come all! This week we were graced by the presence of our very good friend, Guiseppi Gasagna who prepared a mid-season quiz show for us! We find out that our brains have officially been poisoned by Seagal, as we remember a lot more about these awful movies than we thought we did... and we're only halfway through!Sorry this one is so late, we took a 3 hour 45 minute recording of 4 people and condensed it down to just over 2 hours without removing any dialog or questions just because of all the "uhms" and dead air from...2023-09-092h 08
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep23 - Shadow ManI edited out nearly 30 minutes from this episode and it's still almost an hour and a half. There are no shadows in this movie. Come join us as we discuss what is quite possibly a knockoff Mission Impossible 3, but worse in every conceivable way. Also, please message us and let us know how in the world Seagal continues to bring in real talent for these terrible movies.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which...2023-08-301h 24
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep22 - Mercenary For JusticeJoin us as we dive into Mercenary For Justice, a film where Steven Seagal is a mercenary who does the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of anything anyone would consider to be justice.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk about his many very, very bad movies.2023-08-2354 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep21 - Black DawnIn the pulse-pounding, adrenaline-rushing sequel to The Foreigner (2003) Steven Seagal returns as Jonathan Cold to do... nothing that really relates to the first movie at all.In this review of the most nothing movie of all time we valiantly struggle to come up with... well... kinda anything to say about it. It basically does the same ending as The Dark Knight Rises (2012) like 7 years before that came out, so that's something I guess.I need a new hobby. Or new friends. Or a new whatever. All I get is a new Seagal movie each week...2023-08-1646 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep20 - Today You DieIn our shortest episode in a long time, we talk about a movie which has a casino robbery, a prison break, a car chase through the streets of Las Vegas, magical visions, and possibly a vampire, but somehow still manages to be unbelievably unoriginal. Join us to find out how Seagal pulled off the impossible: sucking the fun out of what should be a great time. It is his true superpower.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the...2023-08-0937 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep19 - SubmergedDiscord messages regarding this episode during editing:Hans: I was not having a good time with this oneHans: I sound completely exasperatedZach: Which episode is this?Hans: SubmergedZach: Oh none of us were having a good time with that oneHans: lol no, we open on you saying Connecticut is a trash-tier stateZach: Fight me, NutmeggersZach: I'll take on all 3,606,000 of those Dunkin' Donuts swilling jerksHere's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven...2023-08-021h 13
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep18 - Into the SunFinally Seagal gets to live out every single one of his weeb fantasies to the fullest. In a script just barely legally distinct from The Yakuza (1974), we follow CIA Agent Travis Hunter: a man who knows Japan better than any Japanese person, despite seemingly not recognizing mall food court sushi.I dunno, this movie is just so... yeah... it's something or other. We spend a surprisingly large amount of time discussing the various language dubs of the 2005 documentary March of the Penguins.Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Zach.2023-07-261h 28
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep17 - Out of ReachContent Warning: Seagal made a movie about human trafficking and children. He handles it with absolutely no sensitivity. We try our best, but we get it if that's not your thing.They found a way to make the "rescue the daughter" genre of action-thriller way way worse; now we have a "rescue the 14-year-old Polish girl the hero has a very suspicious relationship with" action-thriller. Seriously, the movie doesn't even try to explain why Seagal (sorry, Billy Ray Lansing) is pen-pals with this girl because they probably know that would only make it worse. Come listen to us...2023-07-191h 29
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep16 - Belly of the Beast - Guest Starring: Isabel MaskreyZach forbade me from making any jokes about the belly of the beast and Steven Seagal's increasingly beastly belly, so the only real thing I can tell you about this movie is that it at least made me laugh a few times at how bad it was.On the plus side, we did get to hang out with our very good friend Isabel for her thoughts about [gut pun redacted].- Listen to Bah Bau- Visit our wonderful website at stevenseeitall.com to download Aaron's Babylon Essay, "Why it's good, and why...2023-07-121h 29
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep15 - Out for a KillAfter raising our hopes surprisingly high with the relatively dumb fun schlockfest of The Foreigner, the second time around Michael Oblowitz unfortunately disappoints with the very dumb not fun snoozefest of Out for a Kill. This was the second Seagal/Oblowitz collab in one calendar year; so I suppose every man has his limits.I guess greasy lightning doesn't strike twice.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We...2023-07-051h 42
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep14 - The ForeignerIn what is definitely one of his most entertaining films, Steven Seagal is The Foreigner. Sadly for him, however, he remains one of the least interesting aspects of the movie. We here at Steven See It All are pretty sure there was a mix-up at the movie studio. The deranged Frenchman was supposed to be the main character (Dunoir, Boudoir, Filmnoire? whatever his absurd name is). Come and have a laugh with us over this one, and honestly, maybe watch it?Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Aaron.Follow...2023-06-281h 26
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep13 - Half Past DeadThe week after the absolute pile of steaming garbage that was Ticker , pretty much anything seemed like a great next movie. Unfortunately about halfway through this episode we all realized that Half Past Dead is also a bad movie in a very uninteresting and unfunny way, it just seemed better in comparison.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we...2023-06-2155 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep12 - TickerYou know when something is so very very bad, but then you learn about how it was pretty much doomed from the start and never even had a chance to be good? Can you even be mad at it in that situation?Yes. Yes you can.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he is accused. We do not wish to boost his career, finances, or ego; we just aim to talk ab...2023-06-141h 10
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep11 - Exit WoundsWow, Zach was right. This is one big Beeferoni of a movie. Steven Seagal co-stars alongside hip-hop legend DMX (for some reason) in this... detective... drama? About... gun violence? Police corruption? The War on Drugs? It's really unclear what this movie is supposed to be. Anyway, Seagal finds new and interesting ways to be lame while being outshone by all his co-stars. The soundtrack slaps though.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven Seagal nor any of the heinous acts of which he...2023-06-071h 19
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep10 - The PatriotSay you see Seagal's face front and center on the poster of his new direct to video movie right underneath the title, "The Patriot". You're naturally led to believe that Seagal himself is "The Patriot."You are, of course, wrong. This film is 95 minutes long and just about every one of those minutes is jam-packed full of reasons why it never saw the silver screen.Here's an Imgur album for screenshots we reference.Edited by Hans.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse St...2023-05-3157 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep9 - Fire Down BelowThis time around Seagal features in an accurate and empathetic portrayal of the rural Appalachian experi-pfffffffft just kidding he calls a bunch of random people dumb hicks and pretends to know how to use a hammer. Not sure why this one is even called Fire Down Below, there's no fire down below anything; it turns out to actually be glowing green ninja turtles goop down below.I'm slowly losing the will to live, but at least I get to write these snarky podcast shownotes so that almost makes it worth it?Edited by Zach.2023-05-241h 19
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep8 - The Glimmer ManThis has got to be one of the worst, most forgettable buddy-cop movies ever made. I watched it a week ago and don't think I could describe the plot with a gun to my head. I think Seagal is trying to catch a serial killer who only kills Catholics for some reason? Also, he might just be a diversion from the REAL conspiracy which involves Russians and an Italian restaurant. Also, it may take place in the Jason Bourne universe. This whole thing felt like it should have been a one-season TV show. Skip.Here's an Imgur...2023-05-181h 16
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep7 - Under Siege 2: Dark TerritoryHere we go again, Casey Ryback is back at it with precisely one other character that was carried over from the first movie, so our predictions from last time were very nearly correct. We're almost positive that the only reason this movie exists is because Seagal heard the term "Dark Territory" and decided that he had to make a movie with that in the title. Not because they actually wanted to make another Under Siege.Aaron and Zach had a very good time with this one and still maintain that it's one of their favorites so far...2023-05-101h 22
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep6 - On Deadly GroundSteven Frederic Seagal has come into his own as a true auteur with On Deadly Ground, possibly the most important film within his entire artistic oeuvre for critically understanding his particular vision of this world we all inhabit. Is this vision cohesive or accessible? Does he execute on it with any skill or grace? You'll just have to listen to find out.Or not, you probably have something better you could be doing with your time.What does it take to change the essence of a man? Time... I need time to change....2023-05-031h 41
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep5 - Under SiegeJoin our intrepid hosts as they attend the party of the year (for 1992 at least) alongside Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, and Miss July '89! Wait, who else is gonna be there? Steven? You mean like Seagal? Oh actually I think I'm busy that day, yeah can't make it, sorry.This one's actually pretty decent and a good demonstration of how much a supporting cast and crew can carry a movie across the finish line, even with the lead actor doing his best to drag it down. Make sure to stick around for our lively (read: hostile...2023-04-261h 33
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep4 - Out for JusticeGino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino Felino Gino...2023-04-1953 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep3 - Marked for DeathWell here we are, third time's the charm, right? I guess that doesn't work with someone as charmless as our man Seagal.This time around we find our hero John Hatcher marked for death, greasier than ever, and assembling a posse to fight the counter-posse led by drug lord Screwface(s).Is it too late to pull the plug on this whole thing? I'm gonna be honest, i really wasn't into this whole ordeal after the last two, and this one didn't really help.Edited by Zach.Follow us on Letterboxd...2023-04-0235 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSSIA - Ep2 - Hard to KillI'm going to generously call this one an action-comedy, as that is the best way to "enjoy" it. Steven Seagal is Mason Storm in this one, and to be honest I don't remember anything about this fever dream of a film. The only reason I can even remember the name of the main character is because 1.) Every other character shouts his name at least once, and 2.) It sounds like something from Threat Level Midnight.Edited by Aaron.Follow us on Letterboxd! Aaron, Hans, and ZachDisclaimer: We do not endorse Steven...2023-04-0242 min
In Oeuvre Our HeadsSteven See It All - Ep1 - Above the LawWe kick off the series with Above the Law, a barely feature length, late 80's, convoluted bunch of nonsense that we had quite a lot of trouble following. We follow Nico Toscani through the streets of Chicago where he bumbles from one explosion to another through gun fights where no bullets connect with their targets.We try to find our rhythm for the series, Zach somehow confused Will Ferrell for Will Smith, and he apparently sounded so confident that neither of the rest of us to correct him. We didn't decide to start recording ourselves until 4 weeks...2023-04-0236 min