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What happens when generations of emotional suppression collide with childhood trauma? For therapist Malisa Hepner, it created the perfect storm of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and eventual burnout that forced her to completely reimagine her approach to healing.
Born to parents struggling with addiction and raised in an environment of chaos and neglect, Malisa developed coping mechanisms that initially helped her survive but eventually left her feeling perpetually broken. Despite outward success as the "golden child," she carried deep wounds from both obvious traumas and the more insidious damage of emotional neglect. The messages that shaped her—serve others to your own demise, prioritize compliance, be a perfect reflection of your family—created patterns that followed her into adulthood.
The breakthrough came when Malisa hit rock bottom. Experiencing severe dissociation and overwhelmed by critical inner voices, she made radical changes: quitting her job, starting a podcast, and opening a private practice. Through this journey, she discovered that healing wasn't about becoming a perfect, perpetually zen person. Instead, it meant embracing all parts of herself—including her fire and reactivity—while releasing the shame that had kept her trapped.
"I was walking around believing myself to be, at my core, unlovable, and doing all kinds of things to confirm that bias," Malisa shares. Her story illuminates how we can hold two seemingly contradictory truths: our parents did the best they could with what they knew, AND what they did wasn't enough. This compassionate perspective allows us to honor our wounds without being defined by them.
For anyone struggling with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the feeling of being "too much and not enough" simultaneously, Malisa's journey offers a roadmap to self-acceptance. By bringing our trauma into the light rather than compartmentalizing it, we create space for authentic healing and connection.
Ready to explore your own path to self-acceptance? Follow Malisa on Instagram @malisahepner or visit her website for workbooks, guidance sessions, and more resources designed to help you release shame and find unconditional love.
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