00:00:08:15 – 00:00:29:28

Nick McGowan

Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us and the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. Today on the show, we have Eric Carmody. Eric has been an insurance agent since 2003, but he was in seminary before that.

00:00:30:09 – 00:00:53:29

Nick McGowan

He got kicked out and that’s just where the story begins. Well, that leg of the story, at least he now has over 200 field agents paying out over $20 million worth of commissions annually. And he works with each of those people to become better agents, better people and better communicators. So we get into his backstory and many of the juicy stories in between, because that’s what this show is all about.

00:00:54:06 – 00:00:59:07

Nick McGowan

But let’s not wait any longer. Let the games begin.

00:01:03:23 – 00:01:06:19

Nick McGowan

Eric, thank you so much for joining the show, man. How you doing?

00:01:06:24 – 00:01:08:04

Eric Hemati

How’s it going, Nick? It’s good to be here.

00:01:08:26 – 00:01:26:19

Nick McGowan

Yeah, man, I’m glad that you’re here. We are. We met through a group that we’re both part of that I guess is affiliated. Affiliated with some other company that sets up little meetings, which might sound a little weird, but that’s about what it is.

00:01:26:21 – 00:01:29:06

Nick McGowan

Yeah, it is. We’ve got a group that they.

00:01:29:21 – 00:01:49:06

Nick McGowan

They’re basically our podcast team that helps us with different things. And they set up some sort of service that basically just connects people. So I had met with Eric. We had a great conversation. You seem like one of those people. I don’t know if this is just your personality type or if I’m kind of akin to these type of people.

00:01:49:07 – 00:01:56:05

Nick McGowan

But we can easily shoot the shit and just get in the conversation. I think we scheduled for like 15 minutes last time and it was like an hour and a half later.

00:01:56:18 – 00:01:58:10

Nick McGowan

And it was one like.

00:01:58:11 – 00:02:07:20

Eric Hemati

It was like like one of those, you know, speed dating gone wrong. Right? It’s like this is not this is not fast or speedy, but it was good. I mean, I flew.

00:02:07:20 – 00:02:21:00

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And I think it went it went well. You know, I’ve actually done the speed dating networking thing before where people will sit down, you have a go. Totally. And there have been times where I’m like, Oh, hey, we should talk again. There are others where I’m like, Hey, I think time’s up. They’re like, I just sat down.

00:02:21:06 – 00:02:24:13

Nick McGowan

Like, I know, but I can see. You want to tell me about fava beans?

00:02:24:27 – 00:02:34:21

Nick McGowan

Yeah. Yeah. Time’s up. Nice kid. It’s about time for you to go. Thank you for getting that reference. I got you. Good shit. Cool.

00:02:34:21 – 00:02:40:06

Nick McGowan

So, Eric, why don’t you start us off? Tell us what you do for a living. And one thing that most people don’t know about you.

00:02:40:21 – 00:03:03:27

Eric Hemati

Yeah, so I. I’ve had my insurance license, actually, since 2003, so that’s almost 19 years of being an insurance agent and but also an entrepreneur. So like, I’ve owned a, you know, I’ve owned a bar restaurant. I’ve, you know, ridden my motorcycle cross-country. I’ve just done a lot of just crazy stuff. I had a web development company just always trying to, like, find ways to be of service.

00:03:03:27 – 00:03:27:09

Eric Hemati

You know, it’s kind of my you know what that’s what turns me on is is pouring into other people. And so, yeah, one thing people don’t know about me, do you think about that for a minute? So, yeah, we’ve got the insurance agency focus is on life insurance, annuities, things like that. And we work with agents all over the country.

00:03:27:09 – 00:03:48:21

Eric Hemati

So it’s pretty fun cause like, it’s not geographically restricted. I get travel whenever I want. It’s this nice. So, okay, well, I was, I went to seminary. So that’s something that a lot of people don’t know because I swear, like a sailor. So you went to seminary? Yes, I watch seminary and I’ve read my Bible cover to cover multiple times.

00:03:48:21 – 00:03:53:19

Eric Hemati

And I was going to go into the ministry and but they expelled me after two years. So I.

00:03:54:14 – 00:03:57:15

Nick McGowan

Were cursing out the first night.

00:03:57:15 – 00:04:20:16

Eric Hemati

I was I had I had a pretty clean actually I actually went to when I was in college this internship that I went door to door in the summertime to sell books like educational books door to door. It was like a sales internship, straight commissions crazy had it was all cold calling. No leads, no. Not just like they drop you off in the middle of nowhere and you’d go, you know, go cover the summer.

00:04:22:06 – 00:04:43:17

Eric Hemati

And I made a ton of money. It was like I was number two rookie in the country. I think like in three months I made, like I saved my check was like over $20,000. Just crazy. And when you’re when you’re like 19, that’s like a lot of money, you know? And yeah, I was like rich. And, and when I came back, I started recruiting, you know, agents to, like, come and do it with me the next the next summer.

00:04:44:03 – 00:05:08:23

Eric Hemati

And the seminary that I was at had this policy. You could not leave campus overnight, so you had to whenever you left campus, you had like this little card and you would have to get a pass, like even if you were going to go to McDonald’s or the mall or back then we had Blockbuster, you know, like so you you had a you had to pass you had to sign out and you couldn’t be gone overnight unless you were staying with your parents or like some like close family, like an uncle or something.

00:05:08:23 – 00:05:30:00

Eric Hemati

Right. And so my parents lived in in Texas. I was in Florida. And so I, I got invited to this fall recruiting event. And it was like only the top people for the previous year got to come back for this staying. It was like, you know, it was you get to hang out with the president, you know, like you would but couldn’t go because like I didn’t have any parents there.

00:05:30:01 – 00:05:44:19

Eric Hemati

It was an overnight thing. And so I called my folks and said, hey, you know, is it cool with you guys if I go to this thing like, you know, I have to lie and say that I’m not I’m going home, but, you know, and my dad so funny. He’s like, well, I mean, are you asking me to lie for you?

00:05:44:19 – 00:05:56:01

Eric Hemati

So I’m like, No, no, no. I just, you know, like, if but if they called a check and see, you know, if I’m there because that’s the kind of thing they would do, is just as a favor, could you just say, oh, he can’t come to the phone or something where it’s like, you know, because I can’t go to that?

00:05:56:01 – 00:06:18:13

Eric Hemati

That’s true. You know, it’s just not the whole truth. Sure. And so my dad was like he he was so proud of me for what he was like. Son, I gotcha. You could do that is fine. And so I went to this recruiting blast. It is great thing when I came back and went to bed and the next morning at like four in the morning that R.A. came into my room and, like, woke me up just like like, you know, the movies with the Nazis and right.

00:06:18:14 – 00:06:30:19

Eric Hemati

Like, just exactly right. And I come to find out later my roommate had ratted me out. And so they they expelled me for breaking the honor code. That’s a massive big story.

00:06:31:15 – 00:06:34:14

Nick McGowan

Wow. There’s a lot that we can get into with that.

00:06:34:25 – 00:06:47:05

Nick McGowan

Yeah, unpack it. So I want to I want I want to know if your roommate survived. Oh, yeah. Just put his head through a wall like. Well, Jesus is kicking me out of your ass. Yeah, exactly.

00:06:47:09 – 00:07:23:20

Eric Hemati

Well, you know what’s funny is, like, so he he actually it’s funny you ask that. I mean, I hadn’t thought about him in years, and maybe like two years ago, I looked him up and he has started a ministry sense for what he calls spiritual victims of spiritual abuse, which I think is really interesting because it’s the idea of people today who use religion, obviously could use anything, is not a dish against religion, but people who specifically use religion use the church as a method of control and manipulation.

00:07:24:03 – 00:07:46:06

Eric Hemati

And just he’s he’s he’s been very vocal over the years, apparently about, you know, how he was manipulated and felt like, you know, abused and whatnot spiritually and finally has come out of that and understands what it is to to love and be okay, you know, that kind of thing, which I thought it was interesting. So I reached out to him, this is maybe two years ago and said, Hey, man, it’s one day.

00:07:46:16 – 00:08:03:20

Eric Hemati

And he was like, Oh, man, wow, how’s it going? And I’m like, Yeah, you know, I just want to call in like, just I like to call it like a completing with people. Like, sometimes you just have something that’s just incomplete, right? Like, it’s not. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just not done, you know? Yeah. Like, we’ve got unfinished business.

00:08:03:22 – 00:08:23:23

Eric Hemati

You need to go outside, right? And but it was cool, you know, because we just got squared away. I was just like, Hey, dude, you know, like, I was. I was pissed, legitimately pissed at you for a long time. And then I just realized, like, you did me a huge favor, like, that was not my path, and I was not meant to be there and at the end of the day, like, whether it was you or something else, something would have happened hopefully to, you know, knock me off that path.

00:08:24:11 – 00:08:33:28

Eric Hemati

Yeah, it just happened to be you and I, you know, I’m grateful, you know, and and then he was able to respond in kind is very cool. And so, yeah, he did survive. He’s good.

00:08:34:20 – 00:08:42:14

Nick McGowan

Man. That sounds like a sweet moment, you know, to be able to go back and not something you would have done as a teenager or early 20 even, like go that.

00:08:42:14 – 00:08:43:02

Nick McGowan

Guy, you know.

00:08:43:03 – 00:08:43:28

Eric Hemati

Told me how to break.

00:08:43:28 – 00:08:44:18

Nick McGowan

Down all.

00:08:44:19 – 00:08:45:14

Eric Hemati

I wanted him dead.

00:08:45:15 – 00:09:04:28

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah. I bet. But to be able to go back and be like, you know, reflecting upon things, I appreciate what you had to do or, you know, whatever and kind of being, you know, making amends with that. And it’s it’s an interesting thing, though, because people do that sort of stuff. And it’s not just on your mind, I would assume it’s also on theirs.

00:09:04:28 – 00:09:15:23

Nick McGowan

You know, I’ve had I had a situation that happened to me years ago where a good friend of mine had to kind of tell on me, in a sense, at a company I worked at. And then like an hour later, he saw me walking out with a box.

00:09:16:19 – 00:09:17:22

Nick McGowan

And he was like.

00:09:18:06 – 00:09:21:10

Nick McGowan

Oh, shit, sorry about that.

00:09:21:19 – 00:09:22:14

Eric Hemati

Consequences.

00:09:22:14 – 00:09:41:05

Nick McGowan

Yeah. Yeah. And at first, I mean, my, my head was on the chopping block, so they were looking for something. And I at first I was pissed and I remember calling him maybe like a week or two later because we were closer friends and I was like, Man, this sucks. I’m really pissed off, but I feel like half of me is like, You’re totally good.

00:09:41:12 – 00:09:46:17

Nick McGowan

And there’s like this weird hurricane going in my head where I wasn’t dead. But I love you, you know?

00:09:46:20 – 00:09:47:00

Nick McGowan

I mean.

00:09:48:24 – 00:09:49:23

Eric Hemati

And I feel that.

00:09:50:14 – 00:10:08:23

Nick McGowan

And he and I are both Christians, so we shared that as well and had sort of those conversations. But I want to touch on on that like the cursing is a sailor because I’ve different people that bring that stuff up to me. So I’ve been Christian since I was 19 or so. I think before that I was a complete misanthrope, hated everybody about everything.

00:10:09:05 – 00:10:12:12

Eric Hemati

What a great word. Misanthrope. I got to borrow that for later.

00:10:13:02 – 00:10:15:25

Nick McGowan

Please. It’s a 50 cent word. Yeah, it.

00:10:17:00 – 00:10:33:20

Nick McGowan

Is one of those situations where I had gone through being at a church and I was a musician, so it was easy for me to just play in the band, the church. And I told people for years, like, if I didn’t play in the band, I probably wouldn’t go. But that was kind of God’s message of like, Hey, I need you to go there and you need to play guitar.

00:10:33:20 – 00:10:55:11

Nick McGowan

So your ass has to go back every Sunday, then you have to go six times every Sunday, you know, whatever that looks like. But I remember there were times where I’m like, I want to have actual real fucking conversation with somebody. Sure. And I don’t ever direct curses at people. I mean, yeah, every once in a while I’ll do, but mostly in jest at this point, you know, and it’s like it’s like adding flavor.

00:10:55:11 – 00:11:11:18

Nick McGowan

But I think there are certain people that are in the, in the Christian realm, and it may not even just be a Christian thing. It may be a religious thing where they have to put on this mask. And I feel bad for those people. You know, I was one of those people for a bit. Did you kind of experience that as well, especially in seminary?

00:11:12:06 – 00:11:32:05

Eric Hemati

Yeah, totally. I think it’s a but you know, like even outside of faith circles, I think there’s an epidemic of people who are obsessed. I mean, most of us are obsessed with looking good. You know, whatever that whatever that looks like to us, you know. But like so in that context, it’s, yeah, you know, I don’t swear I don’t drink, at least not in public.

00:11:32:05 – 00:12:10:21

Eric Hemati

Can’t catch me, you know, drinking. I certainly don’t smoke. I don’t, you know, date, you know, people that are not, you know, fit this mold. I remember years ago, I was I was dating this girl. Who was I later? A married this girl was my first wife. And you talk about being divorced and like, how is divorce once and I got remarried and and, you know, it’s so funny because it’s like the relationships you have with people, you know, sometimes people are like, oh, you know how I could be married to totally different people like that, you know, or, or now that I’m well and like, like I’m still really good friends with my first

00:12:11:17 – 00:12:29:27

Eric Hemati

wife and like, and so, I mean, we went through our period where I couldn’t stand her, obviously, but then, you know, like I value the contribution you made to my life and like, and in like enough to where I would like to let’s stay in touch with each other. And but I remember her. We went to we were visiting this Baptist church.

00:12:31:02 – 00:13:00:00

Eric Hemati

We’re trying to find a and just full disclosure, I mean, I don’t really go to church anymore and not that I don’t believe in going, but I just I’ve not found one where I walked in and actually felt like, wow, I could I could I could hang here. I could worship with these people, whatever. You know, I just have I have that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, you know, and I’m not really looking that hard for it, but it’s but it’s been something for me that’s like back then I was looking for a church, so.

00:13:00:00 – 00:13:29:01

Eric Hemati

And I was dating her. I grew up Baptist, she grew up Catholic and we were visiting this Baptist church is here in Austin. And we, you know, how like they do small groups sometimes. So like those guys that don’t know if you’re watching so small groups basically you have like a maybe a Sunday school class has like 30 or 40 people in it, but it’s not really effective for communication because the 3040 people can kind of hang out, be a spectator, and just, you know, you know, observe without participating in.

00:13:29:01 – 00:13:51:01

Eric Hemati

So small groups decide, hey, get eight, 12 people together and then, you know, you’re kind of you’re on the spot. You got to you got to participate. Right. And so we go to this house, this person’s house or sit there, and there was this booklet they had us going through. It was like a conversational topic, right? And it was how God speaks to people and, you know, had this Bible story in it of how God spoke to I can’t remember.

00:13:51:01 – 00:14:05:18

Eric Hemati

I was like Samuel’s mother or something like this. And you know how God spoke to these people and, you know, and how does God speak to us today? And then, you know, people are going around the circle. Well, you know, I believe God speaks to us like that. So I had this experience recently like that or I’ve heard sometimes Ebola.

00:14:06:09 – 00:14:28:07

Eric Hemati

And, you know, if you grew up I grew up in church. So like my my dad had a conversion experience on the the pastor of this church that we visited came by and visited my house. My dad grew up in Iran. He was Muslim. And so and then when he came to America, he was he was just, you know, not atheist, but just kind of like, I don’t I don’t give a shit about God.

00:14:28:07 – 00:14:45:22

Eric Hemati

Right? I’m just I’m here for I’m here for college and for sports and meet some girls. And, you know, I’m I want to be an American, you know, a little bit and as much. And so but my mom wanted to go to church, so they went to this church, visited there be some revival service or whatever. So he, you know, name was on a visitor card.

00:14:45:22 – 00:15:07:06

Eric Hemati

And so the pastor comes around and basically like shares faith with my dad and my dad decides to like ask Jesus into his heart, like a born again like type of experience. Right. And that happened when I was seven. And so, like, my dad today is a pastor of a Baptist church in Dallas, which is just a such an interesting journey.

00:15:07:06 – 00:15:19:24

Eric Hemati

Like if you ever get him on the show, you love it. But but for me, growing up like that was just we grew up in church like that was it. So you went to church. So you know all the lingo, you know all the right words to say, you know the right answers to all the questions even if you don’t believe in.

00:15:19:24 – 00:15:37:02

Eric Hemati

Yeah, and you know, you would never even think of like, saying anything different. You just going to, like, say what you need to say so that the turn passes from you and we can, you know, get over this thing, you know, and my, my girlfriend goes, when it gets to her turn, she goes, Well, yeah, but how do you know that?

00:15:37:02 – 00:15:57:26

Eric Hemati

That’s like, how does God speak to us? Right. And she’s like, Well, how do you know that? That’s just not all bullshit. And it was like, you know, it’s like it’s like a needle on a record here, you know? And, you know, and I was sitting there, was so embarrassed, like, just imagine, like, you know, like just sitting there, oh, my God, you know, because I told him, like, just, you know, if you don’t dig it, like, just just go with the flow, right?

00:15:57:28 – 00:16:16:09

Eric Hemati

Like, go along to get along. And but it was amazing because the minute she said it, you know, and this woman of horror and all this stuff, and then somebody else chimed in almost immediately, you know, like, yeah, I’ve been wondering that too. And like, I mean, how do you and then this other person. Well, doesn’t the Bible say that?

00:16:16:09 – 00:16:44:01

Eric Hemati

And before you knew it, you know, and and I guess the takeaway for me is not about like does God speak to us? Because I don’t I don’t know. But it’s it’s more about like when you’re real and when you’re real with yourself, when you’re real with, you know, other people, when you’re not, like, worried about, oh, what are they going to think about me if I say this or do that or show up this way or whatnot, you open the door for other people to also be real, which is something that I think everybody’s craving.

00:16:44:01 – 00:16:48:25

Eric Hemati

Like, you know, like how can I just get into a situation where I can have a real conversation with somebody, you know?

00:16:49:01 – 00:17:04:04

Nick McGowan

So that’s it’s a big thing then there’s that, that feeling that people can have. And I think you and I are probably really seasoned at it. And, you know, it’s part of sales where you got to get you got to build rapport. You got to make sure people feel comfortable. You break down that barrier, you’re able to move in.

00:17:04:17 – 00:17:21:17

Nick McGowan

And that’s just a human skill, you know, being able to actually break down those walls. But I, I would tried to do that within some of the bands that I was in with different churches try to pull people aside. There would be certain times where I’d be like, Yo, man, let’s go have a drink, let’s hang out.

00:17:21:21 – 00:17:23:15

Nick McGowan

But I’m not gonna drink anything.

00:17:23:16 – 00:17:47:21

Nick McGowan

I’m like, Well, that’s weird, but do you have a, do you have an actual medical problem? Okay, you allergic to alcohol? They’re like, no, but my mother is, said my wife, senior mother. That’s a whole different story. So just try to break some of that stuff down. I remember there was one time where I was invited over to a party with some people, churchy people, and they are they had cards against humanity.

00:17:48:20 – 00:18:05:24

Nick McGowan

I was like, Well, this is very un-Christian, but okay, like our game, I love unprotected humanity. Yeah. So at one point, like, I could just tell people were unsure of what to do. So I was like, All right, cool. So who wants to talk about dead babies and Helen Keller and Adolf Hitler?

00:18:05:25 – 00:18:15:07

Nick McGowan

They were like, Oh, I’m talking about the game. The fuck is wrong with you people, you know? Like, I don’t know what to do with you, but it’s that.

00:18:15:07 – 00:18:36:14

Nick McGowan

Authenticity, you know, you got to be able to break that shit down and be able to have those conversations and I’m right there with you. I have seen that there’s some people that they go, Oh, that’s a good question. Yeah. Like, is that bullshit? Does God actually talk to us? I’ve been afraid to ask that question. So it does take somebody stepping out, being that outlier and going, Oh, the this is bullshit.

00:18:36:21 – 00:18:40:15

Nick McGowan

Oh yeah, maybe, maybe I would have. We do.

00:18:40:29 – 00:18:57:20

Nick McGowan

Yeah. And that’s not just religion, but, you know, I see people in their careers that are afraid to talk about things. That’s right. Their marriages or their relationships or anything. So it’s communication. But would you would you agree that it’s actually communication with yourself before it’s anything else?

00:18:58:00 – 00:19:18:19

Eric Hemati

100%. It’s like it’s a willingness to look at yourself in the mirror and say, like, is this is what’s going on? Actually, what I intended, you know, like, and and it’s a tough question to ask because, you know, generally speaking, the answer is no. You know, I mean, to be real, you know, I mean, I live a pretty great life.

00:19:18:19 – 00:19:36:01

Eric Hemati

I mean, I’m not going to sit here and say I’m any victim of anything. Like I love what I do, all of love. You know, I created my life and I own it, right. And they’re elements of my life that are not the way I’d like them to be. And so to what extent am I, you know, and then it’s kind of interesting, right?

00:19:36:01 – 00:19:52:06

Eric Hemati

Like if you identify those things and you say, okay, well, is that important enough for me to change or not? You know, am I just kind of willing to accept that because I get this in exchange, right? And, you know, to me, like, I’m not here to judge anybody or be, you know, like nobody can judge me either.

00:19:52:06 – 00:20:23:23

Eric Hemati

I think we’re all the same, you know, in terms of, you know, there’s only one judge and it’s not you and so to me, to me, like, I mean, how somebody wants to live their life, it’s fine. And, you know, consider the fact that what could your life be like if you actually, like, confronted the things in your life that aren’t the way that you want them to be, you know, there, you know, there’s at least one thing, the thing that’s like blaring at you right now that you don’t want to admit that you’re thinking about.

00:20:23:23 – 00:20:41:13

Eric Hemati

That’s the thing you should start with. Whatever that is. You know, and just acknowledge to step one. It’s kind of funny, you know, like my, my current wife and I, you know, like we have we have two kids. We have a four year old, a two year old. And we have been really, really close friends for a long time.

00:20:41:13 – 00:20:52:29

Eric Hemati

And we I would say we met in like oh eight. We got we didn’t date, we had like a little fling for like, I want to say like two weeks. And then she was like that, you know, like you’re a disaster.

00:20:53:19 – 00:20:53:24

Nick McGowan

That.

00:20:54:09 – 00:21:15:08

Eric Hemati

We should just, like, not do this. You know, I was newly divorced and she was like newly out of a relationship. And it’s kind of like that’s just us as be friends on each other, right? And then years later, I proposed to her and we got married like literally the next day I proposed, we got married the next day and we’d been dating for like seven or eight months and then just got proposed.

00:21:15:09 – 00:21:33:06

Eric Hemati

We got married the next day on the beach in Miami is great. And and and we’re we’re I love her to death like we’re really great couple and we argue and fight just like everybody else over different things. Right. And sometimes we’re on the same page and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes it’s about the kids, sometimes it’s about each other.

00:21:33:07 – 00:21:52:00

Eric Hemati

Sometimes it’s about, you know, versus and spending too much time at work, not enough time at home, whatever the case may be, you know, you know, hey, you said yes to that social event, you know, without asking me first. And, you know, that made me feel this way. And whatever the case is, sometimes that’s her say, sometimes it’s me saying, you know, like being a little bit, you know, like.

00:21:52:14 – 00:21:54:06

Nick McGowan

Are you hurt my feelings, you know?

00:21:54:09 – 00:22:21:06

Eric Hemati

But being able to say like, hey, you know, so actually last night was kind of funny. Last night as funny steered we ended up here but last night like we had one of those conversations, I was like, Hey, can we just sit down and talk? We had kind of this series of arguments over the last like, you know, actually like few weeks that just kind of like, you know, some arguments where you think they’re done, but then they come back in a different argument and you’re like, it’s like a zombie argument.

00:22:21:06 – 00:22:23:03

Eric Hemati

It’s like, I thought I killed you already.

00:22:23:03 – 00:22:29:06

Nick McGowan

I thought I killed you here. Yeah. And you brought a friend. Does like.

00:22:29:25 – 00:22:47:12

Eric Hemati

So I was just like, hey, let’s just let’s just talk about this. Like, this is not I mean, I could go ahead and say, like, this is not the kind of environment that I want between us. Like, this is, you know, like the environment that we feel between us, like we actually are creating that. So like, I don’t want to create that.

00:22:47:12 – 00:23:05:01

Eric Hemati

Do you want to could you really created it? So what do we have to do to, like, let each other off the hook or, you know, stab each other in the face and then let each other off the hook? Really, at some point we like we need to move past this and like what is next. And honestly, like, that’s one of the things for, you know, who Grant Cardona’s neck.

00:23:05:11 – 00:23:47:16

Eric Hemati

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I’m sort of Grant Cardone conference when I was ten X was man maybe 18, maybe 18, 19, something like that was 18 in Miami. And he and his wife shared the stage. They were talking about their marriage and some different things he said. So I have never forgotten it because it’s so powerful. He said that, you know, they have their conflicts and stuff because the way that we’ve been able to move past our conflicts with rapidity and like move forward with velocity as a couple is we don’t spend 1/2 talking about the past like, okay, it happened, you know, I’m pissed about it, right?

00:23:47:21 – 00:24:03:00

Eric Hemati

Let it go. I’m not ready to let it go. Okay. Let me know when you are right. What? Is there anything I need to say to let you get past it? Is there anything we need to do? What kind of deal do we need to make, etc.? But like, you know, here’s where we are. I’m not going to go back here and relitigate whatever this was like.

00:24:03:00 – 00:24:22:06

Eric Hemati

Yeah, we’re here. We’re not happy. What do we do to get on the same page and move forward? And maybe that’s not today. Maybe it’s next week, maybe it’s a month from now. Whatever it is, we can do our time, we can whatever. But we’re going to look forward at what needs to happen to move the relationship in and our journey forward, because that’s that’s the direction I’m going is forward.

00:24:22:27 – 00:24:24:10

Eric Hemati

So I love that.

00:24:25:05 – 00:24:46:18

Nick McGowan

Absolutely. That’s such a crucial thing just to think of. It’s a moving forward together. You know, I’ve heard from a handful of different people over the course of talking to people about, hey, I think when you get a divorce even back years ago and hey, I think I’m going to get married, you know, that sort of stuff where they’re like, biggest thing is communication and understand that it’s you both against whatever.

00:24:46:29 – 00:25:11:14

Nick McGowan

It’s not you in it against your wife, for your wife and it against you. It’s you and your wife against the problem. And just moving forward with that, that’s got to be tough for people. I know. I’m sure you just like everybody else, have experiences that pop up. And like I remember when you didn’t move that damn thing that I asked you to move that sits in the back of your head and you’re like, Nagasaki, move the thing.

00:25:11:27 – 00:25:29:01

Nick McGowan

And then when something comes up, no, like, can you move this? Will, can you move that thing? No, I’m sure it’s not as stupidly obvious as that is, but there are certain couples that are like that where they hold that. And I think that a lot of that gets back to the childhood trauma that they have that they just haven’t actually gone through.

00:25:29:01 – 00:25:40:13

Nick McGowan

It’s almost like when you eat a lot of shit food and greasy food and you start popping out pimples, like, why am I popping out pimples? All the fucking cheeseburgers you keep throwing down your throat, all the grease is coming out of your face in your neck.

00:25:40:13 – 00:25:45:07

Nick McGowan

So it’s like depends on the burger. But yes, for the most part I agree with you.

00:25:46:04 – 00:26:01:04

Nick McGowan

But it’s, it’s just you putting that stuff in your system, then it bubbling out. So how do you and your wife continue to work together to move forward? Do you both work individually on yourself or is it more of a communal relationship thing you work on together?

00:26:01:28 – 00:26:31:10

Eric Hemati

That’s great because so we don’t really we haven’t come up with a good strategy. So what what I’ve found and it’s almost like it’s what we’re committed to is we’re committed to to being together and being with our kids, raising our kids and being being a great family. We’re committed to that. How we get there is, you know, it’s you know, sometimes it feels like we’re doing a great job.

00:26:31:10 – 00:26:52:14

Eric Hemati

Sometimes it you know, it does it. But I have not found and this is just for us, I don’t know if it’s even useful to anybody else, but I have not found that, like the things that like, oh, let’s take this class together because we’ve tried that, you know, like, okay, we did. We did. There was a period where we were actually like examining like do we want to state this was a while ago.

00:26:52:14 – 00:27:00:08

Eric Hemati

But, you know, we went visit a counselor, you know, and I was grateful to that guy because he was you heard his buddy just sit and listen to their.

00:27:00:08 – 00:27:00:27

Nick McGowan

Garbage, you know.

00:27:01:11 – 00:27:21:26

Eric Hemati

But it it’s I don’t so we’ve learned some things, but sometimes, like what I’ve noticed about learning things together, right? Like, say you have a couple, they want to read the five love languages, just for example, which I think is a great book and everybody can read it great. And sometimes though like, you know, like there’s such great insights, right?

00:27:21:26 – 00:27:46:00

Eric Hemati

Like if you read the book and you realize, oh man, my love language is this and her love language is that. And if we could just communicate this way, I would that would make everything better, right? But then most of us fail to take into account that we actually have to learn the new love language. It’s like because the way it occurs to us is, Oh, I’ll just teach my partner how to speak my language.

00:27:46:00 – 00:28:09:27

Eric Hemati

And it will be good when it’s actually like, No, you, you need to learn her language and then you’ll be good, right? Another cartoon thing that I love is he’s like, you know, talking about agreement, right? So in sales, the first thing that you need to do is to come to an agreement. And he goes, That’s the hardest thing to do for a lot of people, because they think mistakenly that it takes two people to agree.

00:28:11:00 – 00:28:27:06

Eric Hemati

He goes, It only takes one person to agree. One person says they think something and the other person can choose to agree or not. Right. And he goes, So I just agree with everything. Right. Which the first time I heard it, I thought, wow, that’s so decent, genuine. You know, this is such a coming out is a real.

00:28:27:06 – 00:28:49:15

Eric Hemati

Yeah, I totally agree with you, you know, but that’s not really like what he like as I’ve put that into practice. Like what I’ve actually like come away with personally is like I could agree that that is exactly what you’re experiencing. So, you know, 100% of the time and and the act of me agreeing that you’re experiencing that actually helps me, too.

00:28:49:15 – 00:29:20:10

Eric Hemati

Okay. Let me let me step into your world for a minute like I don’t I don’t walk on this planet. The gravity does not work for me. You know, the the oxygen nitrogen levels in your atmosphere are actually poisonous to me. Like, I don’t. Right. But I can enter your world for a minute, you know? And that’s the only way to actually have a real conversation is to enter your world for a minute, like what’s happening in your world because your world is true for you.

00:29:20:10 – 00:29:20:17

Nick McGowan

Sure.

00:29:21:00 – 00:29:35:28

Eric Hemati

Right? Yeah. You know, like and if you think about and I think about that, that, that idea of, like, your world, like having an atmosphere of gravity and all that stuff, like be like a visitor to our earth. And I remember War of the Worlds, you know, like, I mean, when they show up and then it’s the bacteria that kills them, right?

00:29:36:11 – 00:29:58:15

Eric Hemati

It’s like your world can literally, like, not only be inhospitable to somebody else, but actually like deadly. And yet that’s the key is I have to like be able to enter your world and to see what this is like for you in order to actually like for us to have any hope of moving through it. And would it be awesome if both people had that same curiosity about each other?

00:29:58:15 – 00:30:24:07

Eric Hemati

Yeah, it would. And it’s completely unrealistic. That’s not likely to happen, right. So you if you want to be a master communicator, you have to take the responsibility on yourself to enter other people’s worlds. And you can’t view it as for you, if that experience, if you experience that is like a burden or a chore, man, why am I always the one that have to, like, you know, modify the way that I but that’s a totally normal way to think.

00:30:24:07 – 00:30:49:21

Eric Hemati

That’s your ego yelling, you know, like, yeah, it’s sometimes it does suck, right? But it’s also a massive opportunity and it’s an it’s an awesome exploit for those of us that are adventures and explorers and all that stuff like that is our Star Trek is to explore other people’s worlds, right? So if you can if you can, if you can help yourself to experience it that way, like the experience of life is so much, I really believe it’s like an interpretation.

00:30:49:21 – 00:31:06:21

Eric Hemati

It’s not like what’s actually going on. It’s how I interpret what’s going on. And so I could choose to interpret it however I want. And my default may be to interpret it this way. But if I can just like, I mean, I’m an adult, I’m responsible for what goes on up here, so why don’t I just reprogram myself to experience it this way, you know?

00:31:06:21 – 00:31:15:03

Eric Hemati

Does it take practice? Yes. Is it a habit? Yes. And once once it is, that, it’s like, oh, you almost have to remind yourself. I remember when this sucked.

00:31:16:22 – 00:31:34:21

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. There are times where you can look back and go, Oh yeah, I’m bitching and complaining about these things that I dreamt of for years. Then you’re like, Oh, well, it’s just not as good as I wanted it to be right now. And it’s a whole different story and even communication to understand from somebody else’s side.

00:31:34:21 – 00:31:43:04

Nick McGowan

Like, it’s easy to judge people, you know, where you’re just like, How are you doing that? Because you instantly think in your own head and you go, I wonder if I can do that? I wouldn’t want to do that thing at all.

00:31:43:14 – 00:31:46:06

Eric Hemati

Or even more. That’s wrong or that’s wrong.

00:31:46:06 – 00:31:51:05

Nick McGowan

Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Who are you? Yeah, that’s where you to say that. That’s wrong.

00:31:51:06 – 00:31:51:28

Eric Hemati

Do it that way.

00:31:51:28 – 00:32:18:08

Nick McGowan

Yeah, man. And I, I think all of this really starts with our communication internally to be able to understand, like, what about when you’re about to blurt out, that’s wrong. Why? What is it? What’s the thing? It might be different. And to get back to the religious thing, there are lots of people in the different churches I was part of that were like that and there are some people that would even look up on stage like, I don’t like what he’s doing.

00:32:18:09 – 00:32:44:03

Nick McGowan

I don’t like that he’s jumping around because it makes me feel uncomfortable, like, well, I’m sorry, that musician, I just really enjoy the music. But there are certain things that they would judge about that now. It’s just an easy thing to look back to because I think a lot of people can look at it and go, Yeah, yeah, I’ve been judged, but we’ve all judged other people and it’s catching that like, no, those times, Eric, where you’re about to say something and you’re like, I can hear this fucking thought coming and it’s coming out.

00:32:44:03 – 00:32:45:06

Nick McGowan

You’re like, Oh no.

00:32:45:11 – 00:32:49:18

Nick McGowan

And you go to grab it. You’re like, Fuck, I think it’s there when.

00:32:49:28 – 00:33:09:01

Nick McGowan

The person’s looking at you like you’re gonna die. Yeah, and it wasn’t supposed to come out, but you start to stretch that and like, work that muscle to the point where you can catch it. I’m sure there have been times where maybe in the past week because I know it’s happened to me where like something’s about the pop out, you decapitate, you pull it back, and you’re like, Yeah, I got that one.

00:33:09:01 – 00:33:10:15

Nick McGowan

My God, you didn’t hear that? You know?

00:33:10:28 – 00:33:29:27

Eric Hemati

Well, one of the most one of the most empowering concepts for me, and I think this is a lot of this is like, you know, the realm of what we’re talking about is really not so much like does it really work that way or is that true or not true? It’s more like, does that does that work for you?

00:33:29:27 – 00:33:53:19

Eric Hemati

So, like, so like this idea that I’m about to say, like if you’re listening, like just try it on and if you hate it, then just take it off. Like, say it all feel right. Yeah, but one of the most interesting ways to empowering ways to think about that, that internal voice is that that voice is I always thought growing up like that voice was me, right?

00:33:53:22 – 00:34:13:29

Eric Hemati

Like that’s that’s the real me in there, you know? And then and then the conscious me filters out what the real me inside wants to say or should say or feels or whatever the case may be. But the idea that I can’t remember where I heard it now, but it was in some some book I was reading, but it was like it’s like, that’s not actually you.

00:34:14:03 – 00:34:39:00

Eric Hemati

That’s software, that’s your that’s your biological programing. And if you if you think, you know, go back to Scripture here, right? So like, if you if you believe that God created the Earth in seven days and all that, and you are you are the pinnacle of God’s creation. And and and and he designed you with, you know, with a in his image.

00:34:39:00 – 00:35:01:16

Eric Hemati

And all these are the things right? There’s a different line of canvas that we could we could take that and do the same thing. But on the other hand, if you if you believe that, you know, the Earth evolved over billions of years and that humanity’s been on this planet for, you know, tens of thousands of years and only recently, if you think about like evolution and the evolution of humanity.

00:35:01:16 – 00:35:25:01

Eric Hemati

Like, I mean, we were living in caves, you know, hunting dinosaurs or stegosaurus is or Goliath or whatever it was. Right. And you’ve got like a little tribe of people, right. That can barely communicate to each other for literally tens of thousands of years. Right. Is only in the last like I mean, when did they first started? Like, you know, actual big settlements, like the Sumerians and stuff was, what, like six, 7000 years ago?

00:35:25:15 – 00:35:52:14

Eric Hemati

So you’re talking about like literally like an a really modern society. I mean, even a hundred years ago looks so different than it looks today. Right? So, yeah, the way that we the way your your programing up here is designed to keep you alive as a caveman. Right? It’s the fight or flight response that we have. Like it’s like, oh, that’s a saber tooth tiger that could eat me raw.

00:35:52:14 – 00:36:17:21

Eric Hemati

Let me run this way. Right. And that’s good because that keeps you alive, right? But evolution is not caught up with the the evolution of society. And so I get threatened by my wife and I having an argument and I have abandonment issue that pops up. And because I’m terrified of being abandoned. Right. I interpret that as a life or death scenario.

00:36:17:21 – 00:36:40:16

Eric Hemati

And so I react in a certain way. Right? That’s my programing. Right. So one of the things about programing is like, like the best chance of, you know, for for tens of thousands of years, right? Like humans were squarely not even in the middle of the food chain, but like towards the bottom, right? You’ve got like super predators, like, you know, lions and, you know, tigers and bears and whatnot.

00:36:40:16 – 00:36:58:22

Eric Hemati

Right. And then, you know, and then you’ve got and you’ve got all these other and then you’ve got, like, hyenas, right? And then you’ve got, like, vultures, right? And then even below vultures, right? You’ve got mankind. Who would then come? Like after everybody else is done with the carcass, they would come out and, like gnaw through the bones to get to the marrow.

00:36:59:05 – 00:37:21:23

Eric Hemati

That’s that’s, you know, that’s that’s that’s anthropology. Yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s right. So we’re not used to being at the top of the food chain. Right? And yet we are at the top of the food chain. And so like as such, it’s like you have this kind of like, you know, most other animals that are at the top of the food chain, like, say, a lion or shark.

00:37:21:23 – 00:37:44:15

Eric Hemati

Right. Like they they’re totally confident. Like they got it right. Like you don’t see. Yeah, right. I mean, they’re just totally I got this. But humanity, like we’re always looking over our shoulder like, oh, somebody’s going to get because, like, that’s that’s been our reality for so long, right? And so the the best we can’t survive based on our teeth or our unbelievable speed or our muscles.

00:37:44:15 – 00:38:02:10

Eric Hemati

Right? We survive because of our brain. And the best way to ensure survival is to be able to predict the future and the best way to predict the future, because I can’t predict the future. Like I can’t see the future. So your mind is constantly spotting and looking for patterns that predict what’s about to happen to you, right?

00:38:02:21 – 00:38:21:10

Eric Hemati

So like, oh, there is a red light, all these cars are going to be slowing down. Oh, you know, this fight is happening. That means she hates me and is about to leave, right? Oh, whatever. And you start up somebody called. Now they’re starting to yell at me. This is not going to be good. I need to. And your mind is constantly building out these scenarios to protect you.

00:38:21:23 – 00:38:47:00

Eric Hemati

Right? But it also doesn’t really serve your best interests because you’re not really in danger. Right? So your mind is building out these scenarios to protect you from danger. And at the same time, while that’s good and that used to work for us, right? It no longer really works for us because like then the society we live in, you know, I’m assuming you have a lot of entrepreneurs and people watching this podcast.

00:38:47:00 – 00:39:12:21

Eric Hemati

They’re like, you know, trying to think like what’s what is the best ways for me to think? How can I accumulate the best ideas? How can I take action quickly? All well, all of those things involve massive levels of risk. And you’re not likely to take those risks if you’re constantly afraid of what could happen. And if you listen to the voice inside your head, you’re constantly going to be afraid of what will happen, because that’s what it’s programed to do.

00:39:12:21 – 00:39:32:15

Eric Hemati

So instead of like trying to get like what? Okay, what is true? What do I really feel did just just create what you’re about, right? Use the voice to help you discard it when it doesn’t work for you. You know, you can do math. You’ve studied. You’re an intelligent creature. You have a vision of where you want to go.

00:39:32:15 – 00:39:52:00

Eric Hemati

You can see other people doing what it is that you want to do and being successful at it. So there’s no reason in the world why you can’t be one of those people. What one person can do, another person can do, right? It’s like, you know, that Alec Baldwin movie, the the with the Bear, the what’s guy who’s the guy from Silence of the Lambs?

00:39:52:00 – 00:40:16:00

Eric Hemati

We were just doing the Hopkins. Anthony Hopkins. The Hopkins. Yeah, yeah. They’re in Alaska. And there’s a bear they get like the plane crashes. They’re in the woods for, like, the whole movie. But but at one point, you know, this bear is stalking them and they have no equipment. And so at some point, like the Hopkins, who’s like, kind of like this eccentric duty, reads all these, like, survival handbooks and stuff.

00:40:16:00 – 00:40:30:09

Eric Hemati

He’s like, we can artistic. That’s long enough. We get the bear to charge us. He’ll get up on his hind legs and we stick the stick and he’ll fall on the stick and impale himself. And Alec Baldwin’s like, Dude, that’s the dumbest idea ever heard. The bear’s going to eat us like we got to get, you know, we we ate.

00:40:31:03 – 00:40:48:00

Eric Hemati

And Hopkins is like, look what one man could do. Another man can do. Like, they’ve done this in the past. This is in this book. We could totally pull it off. We just just work with me here. Right. And I always remember that. Do you like that person right over there is doing exactly what you want be doing and is kicking ass.

00:40:48:16 – 00:41:08:18

Eric Hemati

Have you talked have you got to go talk to them? Listen to what are they reading? What are they thinking about? What are they looking at? What resources are they consuming? Like this is not something that’s it’s not rocket science. They didn’t wake up, you know, with the luck of the Irish like they worked, it put themselves in a position that way right there, or they inherited it from somebody great, you know, that we can all make friends, go make some rich friends, but.

00:41:08:19 – 00:41:09:14

Eric Hemati

But do something.

00:41:09:26 – 00:41:29:24

Nick McGowan

Yeah, yeah. You touch on the fix in the growth mindset where there are people that in the fixed mindset they think that, well, if I don’t have the skills, then I’ll never have the skills and I’ll never be able to do that. Then they’re the people, the growth minded camp in a sense, where they go, Well, if I don’t have the skills, well, how do I get the skills?

00:41:30:00 – 00:41:49:27

Nick McGowan

And being able to look at that other person. And it’s interesting looking at that other person, you can look and go, Do I want to do every single thing that they’re doing? No. And I think you need to have those little check points along the way because somebody else’s life, even if they’re in the exact lane that you would want to be yours, is going to look a little different, at least a little bit different because it’s different.

00:41:50:09 – 00:42:05:15

Nick McGowan

Yep. And I think some people will look at that where they go, I want to do what they’re doing. I want to make all the money and, you know, live all the life except for these things. And they go, Oh, well, I don’t want those things. So that’s it. And they just give up instead of checking those little boxes.

00:42:05:15 – 00:42:18:17

Nick McGowan

And it’s like you were kind of getting to the point where you got to take those little steps because you got to have that first thought too. Then think of the next thought. You got to work on that first problem. You understand that there’s another problem past that. Some people will look and go, Well, there’s a problem here.

00:42:20:00 – 00:42:21:13

Nick McGowan

All right. I guess that’s done.

00:42:21:18 – 00:42:49:23

Eric Hemati

Yeah. But even before that, you have to allow yourself to imagine what’s possible. You know, like, is is it is it okay for you to take stock of where you’re at and acknowledge that you would like something different? So first, allow yourself that privilege of a self assessment, right? And then and then. Yeah. And then take a look and see like I keep going back to we’re having a filmography here.

00:42:50:09 – 00:43:13:06

Eric Hemati

But that in that, in that Silence of the Lambs, he talks about how Buffalo Bill Wright he he he coveted. And what do we covet we covet what we see. Right. So what is it that you can put in front of you to sharpen that appetite, right? To go get whatever it is that is important to you? You know, you made a great point.

00:43:13:06 – 00:43:27:20

Eric Hemati

You’re like, hey, so in order to get what’s what you think is important to you, you may have to make sacrifices or trades that you’re not comfortable with or that are not for you. Great. So articulate what those aren’t. Be real about it, right? So like, hey, I’m not, for example, like I have a two year old, the four year old.

00:43:27:20 – 00:43:43:06

Eric Hemati

I am not willing to spend 80% of my time on the road. Just as an example. Right now I have friends that who do what I do or peers of mine, and they are they’re on the road, you know, 75, three, three, three out of four weeks. Right. And they have kids and they’ve made the decision that that’s great for them.

00:43:43:06 – 00:44:04:07

Eric Hemati

And and again, no judgments, no right and wrong just for me. That’s not what I choose to do. And so I have to say, okay, so how can I then show up? Because I need to create the same connections, the same environment, the same energy, but somehow, without as much of my physical presence out there, how do I do that?

00:44:04:26 – 00:44:23:05

Eric Hemati

But when you start asking that question, okay, how do I do? This is what’s important. I’m committed to creating this, right? I’m not attached to this methodology. I’m committed to this. Okay. So now you start. How do I create that? Is that possible? Is anybody else doing that? Is there anybody else in another industry doing that? Can I borrow any ideas from them right?

00:44:23:05 – 00:44:52:25

Eric Hemati

Yeah. And what’s great about today, Nic, is like to me is that we we can hop on these devices here and literally scour the collective knowledge of of the centuries, you know, like right now, like if what you’re thinking, the problem that you’re wrestling with somebody has already probably thought about it, solved it and written a blog post about it.

00:44:52:25 – 00:44:54:01

Nick McGowan

Yeah, right. Right.

00:44:54:07 – 00:45:16:07

Eric Hemati

I mean, you know, my, my wife the other day has this I bought her these bone conduction headphones that, if you like, they sit outside your ear. She she has small ear canals. The AirPods don’t work for her. And so as I found, these are really great and you know she’s got a Samsung phone and so of course like it was there was some goofy thing wasn’t working, you know.

00:45:16:07 – 00:45:31:20

Eric Hemati

And I’m like, well, another reason you should get an iPhone, you know? And she’s like, Oh, never. We have a that’s another little debate that we share. But anyway, it was so funny because that well, I mean, obviously somebody must have figured that so that we went online like, you know, put in the model number, you know, having trouble connecting to this device.

00:45:31:20 – 00:45:48:14

Eric Hemati

Right. And sure enough, here’s here’s a forum post buried on some subreddit open up developer options change this time. I mean who would have ever thought tap six times on this thing to open up this menu that’s hidden? Okay. It’s like Super Mario Brothers now. I’m like, you.

00:45:48:14 – 00:45:52:10

Nick McGowan

Know, right? There’s some Easter egg inside my phone, I remember.

00:45:52:16 – 00:46:03:00

Eric Hemati

But, you know, in a literally in like 3 minutes, it was solved. I mean, you know, in the old days, you would have to take the phone back to the store and have some guy, right? I mean, have to do any of that anymore. Yeah.

00:46:03:17 – 00:46:26:25

Nick McGowan

Oh, yeah. Now, if you think about developers, you know, any developers, some of those people are the best at asking great questions to Google because they’re like, how do we solve this thing? Google, how in the fuck do I solve this thing? No Reddit or whatever. And it moves in that direction. That starts with asking the right questions, which is clear communication.

00:46:27:08 – 00:46:46:19

Nick McGowan

Yeah. You know, if you, if you go to your computer, you open up your computer and you go, I want this file. Builders is going to sit there and look at you, not do a damn thing. Sometimes we as people do that like, I don’t understand why I’m upset and then they’re just more pissed, right? I just continue to move down that path and it’s like, I don’t get it.

00:46:46:19 – 00:46:52:10

Nick McGowan

I don’t understand. Instead of flipping it around and go, Well, what is it? What’s the deal? You’re kind of asking those questions and going through it.

00:46:52:25 – 00:47:12:29

Eric Hemati

Everybody’s be that this is a quick aside, Alice in Wonderland, the the Cheshire Cat is one of my favorite, you know, and she approaches the fork in the road and the cat’s there and she’s like, Please, Mr. Cat, can you tell me which way to go? And he goes, Well, the which road should I take? Oh, that all depends on where you want to go.

00:47:13:18 – 00:47:19:19

Eric Hemati

And she goes, Well, I, I don’t really, I don’t really know where I want to go. He’s like, Oh, well then either road will do. Just fine.

00:47:20:03 – 00:47:24:21

Nick McGowan

Yeah. Back to the hookah.

00:47:24:21 – 00:47:43:24

Nick McGowan

Yeah, it is as simple as that, man. That’s a very good point, because if we if we just toss out, well, I want to go somewhere, well, great, we’re just going to go somewhere. Now, I have conversations with people that get really deep into goals. They’re like, I know exactly what I want to do, and they go after all these things and do all that I can.

00:47:44:01 – 00:48:05:21

Nick McGowan

I’ve actually been thinking recently that I really enjoy goals and goal setting, setting stuff up and going, you know, I want to go around this direction. But on that similar almost Christian or religious line, I feel like God opens up doors for us as we continue to move through so I may have a goal in mind where I’m like, I want to do this thing roughly about this time and these are the numbers I want, whatever.

00:48:07:02 – 00:48:18:20

Nick McGowan

Then most times that will get blown way out of the water because I’ll start moving through it. Other opportunities will come up and they start looking for the opportunities instead of looking at why I want this result.

00:48:18:20 – 00:48:20:13

Nick McGowan

And that’s where you.

00:48:20:13 – 00:48:37:10

Nick McGowan

Can just be focused on I can see the mountain, but you miss all the shit that’s along the way and there’s a lot of treasure within that. So I want to touch on you work with a couple hundred reps, right? I would imagine Prado principal kind of falls into that. Just like everything else. There’s an 80, 20 rule.

00:48:37:13 – 00:48:45:26

Nick McGowan

Yeah, 20% that are kicking ass, 80% are doing all right. And there’s probably three or 4% where you’re like, I don’t I don’t know how he does a shoot in the morning and I’m looking at it.

00:48:46:25 – 00:48:47:07

Eric Hemati

In the.

00:48:47:10 – 00:48:48:11

Nick McGowan

Morning.

00:48:48:11 – 00:48:52:14

Nick McGowan

Yes, sure. You say that this is recorded. I understand. Yeah, you bet you.

00:48:52:15 – 00:48:54:01

Eric Hemati

But if you’re listening, I love.

00:48:54:01 – 00:48:59:23

Nick McGowan

You, right? Yes. You you know who you are.

00:48:59:23 – 00:49:14:00

Nick McGowan

And on that, you know, you got to love all those people for where they’re at and kind of work with them for where they are. But with those people that you talk to, how do you help them? The ones that are in the tough spot work on them themselves and work on their mindsets.

00:49:15:18 – 00:49:41:25

Eric Hemati

So yeah, great question. Well, the first thing is, you know, just hitting on goals for a minute is I don’t really because I’ve I’ve discovered the same thing as you like I’ve set goals of chased them, I’ve hit some, I’ve failed on others and and along the way of trying to achieve some, I discovered something that was, you know, even better than that changed course.

00:49:41:25 – 00:50:09:08

Eric Hemati

Right. And so and I’ve also gotten distracted with things and they never completed, you know, so but the thing about a really good goal is not about where you get, you know, it’s not like, oh, I’m setting this destination. And I remember taking a motorcycle ride to as I write a VTEC, Honda 1800 CC, a 109 cubic inch, you know, big bike.

00:50:09:29 – 00:50:26:06

Eric Hemati

And I wrote it from Austin all the way out to Malibu, California, one time, you know. So you set this okay. I’m I’m going to the right and I don’t really care. I mean, this is actually I just started a Web development company and I was just kind of like, you know, I had some clients, I could take care of them along the way.

00:50:26:06 – 00:50:45:06

Eric Hemati

I was like, ride for a couple of hours, set up in some coffee shop or at a bar or whatever. Do some work, you know, stay in a hotel. Like I’ll just take my time. It took me six days to get out there and then it took me another like three days to get back, you know? And I came back and but it wasn’t about, you know, it’s not about the destination.

00:50:45:06 – 00:51:06:04

Eric Hemati

It’s about who you have to become to try to hit that goal. Right. It’s not like, oh, that’s not the goal. That’s interesting. Like, you know, like, oh, my goal is $10 million. My goal is $20 million or whatever. You know, if you’re if your goal is $10 million and you can do that in an afternoon and this other person’s goal is $1,000,000, but it takes them intense focus for like three months.

00:51:06:04 – 00:51:24:27

Eric Hemati

Right. Well, at the end of it, did you did you actually become anyone different? You know, because if you did it, like, I would just argue, like, I mean, who cares, bro? Like, I mean, I bought a bowl of cereal and this morning, right? I mean, who cares? You know, like, that doesn’t take any talent, you know? So.

00:51:25:07 – 00:51:52:09

Eric Hemati

And so I just that that’s the first thing. So if the goal isn’t going to call you into a higher level of existence, then I just. Why bother, you know? Yeah, so. But then, okay, how do I help? So one thing about helping my agents is to first realize, like, who actually needs help? So sometimes the agents that are, let’s say, on the bottom of the production report are not actually the agents that actually need help.

00:51:52:10 – 00:52:14:13

Eric Hemati

Like maybe they’re part time agents. Maybe they. Right, maybe they maybe maybe they don’t even do this business. But they, you know, were trying it out for a minute. Right. Or maybe maybe they’re a wealth advisor and they, you know, this is one of their three cases every single year, you know, or you see, I’m saying it’s about the people that are that are not happy with where they are right in it’s not.

00:52:14:13 – 00:52:31:07

Eric Hemati

But not happy. They’re not satisfied where I am. I’m better than that. Right. So if if that’s if that’s where you are and it goes back to what I say before, like, okay, where would you like to be? What are you willing to give up to get there? Because you will have to give something up like there’s that’s physics.

00:52:31:23 – 00:52:54:28

Eric Hemati

So, you know, that’s that’s not I saw a shirt when I was at South by Southwest this is years ago. And it said, you know, like Christians will say, you know, I believe everything happens for a reason, you know, and the shirt said that said, I believe everything happens for a reason. And then in the back, it said and most of the time, that reason is physics.

00:52:54:28 – 00:53:20:00

Eric Hemati

But it’s true. Like you, you will have to give something up to get where to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve. And so what are you to do? And then and then are you willing to be held accountable to because at the end of day the I’m reading a topic habits right now. So by the way, anybody that’s on here that has not read an amazing book and he talks about in there like you set a goal because you want to know where you’re going.

00:53:20:02 – 00:53:33:27

Eric Hemati

It’s critical, but after you set the goal, then you’re like, okay, break down. What does that mean? What do I have to do every single day? So I want to lose £20. What does that mean? I need to eat this way. I need to eat this for breakfast, eat this for lunch, go to dinner, go to the gym or whatever the things are.

00:53:34:02 – 00:53:52:29

Eric Hemati

You have a you have a series of new habits that you’re going to try to build. And he’s got all these things in the book about how to, you know, I’m not even a boy with me, but they’re great tactics on how to how to hack basically your habits, which is a phenomenal I mean, it’s absolutely best $90 I think I spent on audible year and it’s just but it’s great.

00:53:52:29 – 00:54:21:14

Eric Hemati

And so but at the end of the day then you can forget about the goal because who cares about the £20? It’s about who you’re becoming by enacting these habits, right? Like I’m becoming a healthy person, you know? I’m right. And that that is, you know, I mean, that’s something you can get proud about. You know, that’s something that you that alters your identity, you know, not just someplace you want to go, but some person that you become, you know, because you because you chase that.

00:54:21:14 – 00:54:43:15

Nick McGowan

It’s all it’s the journey. And I think the older we get, the more stuff that we go through an experience. Maybe part of it is the amount of experiences when think of atomic habits, even habit stacking and kind of working through that stuff. Experience stacking is a real thing as well because you start to add these experiences together and it can lead you to a negative or a positive where you go, Oh, well, this thing has happened so many times.

00:54:43:23 – 00:55:02:12

Nick McGowan

This is the negative outcome that patterns will show me happen, or the positive outcome that comes out of that and looking at where you want to go and what you want to do, I think you’re right. You’ve got to pivot every so often. Keep thinking. And we we’ve tossed out different books and movies. I went back through and reread The Alchemist.

00:55:02:23 – 00:55:03:29

Eric Hemati

Brennan Oh yeah, great.

00:55:04:07 – 00:55:22:10

Nick McGowan

Line or whatever. Yeah, it was one of those books. I don’t know if you do this, but you walk past your your bookshelves every once in a while, something like almost say something to you. I may be a super nerd cause, but oh, yeah, we you’re like, Hey, I want. And I look over and I’m like, Let me.

00:55:22:10 – 00:55:24:18

Nick McGowan

Santiago, you want to go on a little trip again?

00:55:24:25 – 00:55:29:10

Nick McGowan

Sure, bro. Let’s do this. But yeah, yeah.

00:55:29:10 – 00:55:42:28

Nick McGowan

But you know, even with that, the he thought, I want to go this direction, I want to do these things and knew we wanted to go toward the pyramids the entire time, but all of it was different than what he thought it was going to be. And you’ve got to be able to manage that mindset as you move through it.

00:55:43:12 – 00:55:54:13

Nick McGowan

And we’re at close to an hour already. This is good. One day I think we got to wrap this thing. Yeah, this has been great. We may need to do a part two, three, four or five. We’ll figure that out later.

00:55:54:26 – 00:55:56:00

Eric Hemati

I mean, I’m done.

00:55:56:28 – 00:56:09:28

Nick McGowan

I want to be mindful of the time, not just your time, but our audience this time. I appreciate everybody. Listen to this. What one piece of advice would you give to somebody on their path towards self-mastery?

00:56:11:09 – 00:56:36:16

Eric Hemati

Hmm? Just keep moving. Just keep moving. And and, you know, be be gracious, you know, with yourself. You know, I’m not saying be easy on yourself. Like, be be tough on yourself. Let’s give when you’re tough on yourself, life’s a lot easier on you, you know, learn that. But but like, be gracious with yourself. Like, it’s okay. You’re human, be you’re going to suck up.

00:56:37:03 – 00:56:52:08

Eric Hemati

You know, you can make mistakes. You’re going to fail. You know you’re going to quit. You don’t want to quit, then you’re going to quit. And then, you know, it’s all about Did you get back up? Are you still moving? You know? And you know, there’s a there’s a song that I absolutely love that came out last of trying to remember who sings that.

00:56:52:08 – 00:57:13:28

Eric Hemati

But it’s a I think it’s Matt Smith here in Austin. You can’t put me in the ground. You know you can’t. There’s that. I was watching this rockumentary one time about Van Halen, you know, Sammy Hagar. And this was after Hagar, you know, had his solo career and and, you know, kind of cratered. And, you know, then he tried to come back and they wouldn’t have him.

00:57:13:28 – 00:57:28:24

Eric Hemati

I don’t know what the drama was there. But anyway, he’s being interviewed on VH one, you the rockumentary that where are they now or whatever. Yeah. And this interviewer is asking, well, Sammy, I mean, man, you know, like this is. Yeah, I mean, so, you know, you get kicked out of Van Halen solo careers in the toilet, know that.

00:57:28:24 – 00:57:43:21

Eric Hemati

And basically asking him the question like the framing he can see Hagar is just getting pissed, you know, like he’s like he’s like so I mean, like, I mean, what’s next for you, Sammy? I mean, like, are you going to be all right? What’s next? You know, because let me tell you something, because you could take away all my clothes, all my possessions.

00:57:43:21 – 00:57:53:09

Eric Hemati

You could load me into a helicopter, fly me into the desert, drop me in the sand. And I’ll tell you one thing. I’d come back. That’s it.

00:57:53:12 – 00:58:02:03

Nick McGowan

Just keep on. Yeah, that’s awesome, man. I love that. You keep moving. Keep moving. So where can people connect with. Yeah.

00:58:02:28 – 00:58:21:00

Eric Hemati

Oh, yeah. So I’m on. I’m on all the social platforms. I used to live in Washington DC and now I don’t. So my handle is DC offline. So I’m on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, tik tok. I think it’s all the same.

00:58:21:00 – 00:58:26:03

Nick McGowan

DC Offline itself, man. Morgan it’s been a pleasure having you on the show. I appreciate you being here.

00:58:26:28 – 00:58:35:16

Eric Hemati

Yeah, I appreciate it. Thanks.

00:58:36:18 – 00:59:01:25

Nick McGowan

Another great conversation on today’s episode of the mindset and Self-mastery show. Just Keep Moving. We all have those days when we just want to give up or not even get the fuck out of bed. I think about those days when you did and those incredible that happened. Never mind the bullshit negativity from the other stuff that happened. Just keep moving.

00:59:02:08 – 00:59:21:24

Nick McGowan

I think that’s such an incredible thing for us to remember is that we just need to keep moving. So what did you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topics we got into today, and if you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. And if you really enjoyed the show, go ahead and share it with some friends or family.

00:59:21:24 – 00:59:45:02

Nick McGowan

Just people you know, love. We covered a lot of ground today on this conversation and you could check out the show notes for more info and contact info for Eric and check out other episodes on the Mindset and the Self-mastery Show account as well as our YouTube channel. Go to YouTube, but look up the mindset and self-mastery show will see a ton of stuff there.

00:59:45:17 – 01:00:10:10

Nick McGowan

And thanks again, Eric, for being real, for being honest and vulnerable with us and for making us laugh. Bunch And to you, thank you for spending time with us. It really, really means the world to me. And with that, remember, your mindset matters and so do you.