Shows
2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast652 Becoming MommyThe metamorphasis is complete. It took five long years. You started out as a card-carrying, black jeans wearing, country dancing Lesbian...and now you have become a baby bag carrying, play date organizing, suburban mini-van driving, Mommy. Almost all your freinds are straight moms, and you enjoy going to Mom's Night Out events. At least you still own a pair of black jeans.2018-03-0115 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast650 Aloha!Fat pigs roasting in the sand...the sound of fat sizzling and cooking on the beach...the scent of coconut (suntan lotion) wafting through the air...Hawaiian shirts that looked good when you bought them, but that you'll never wear again... Is it a luau? Nope, its just tourists from the mainland on the beach getting sunburned in Hawaii. Aloha.2016-05-1529 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast649 Sour CreamSome foods give you a clue that they are not good to eat. Sour Cream tells you exactly what you're getting when you look at the name. How can that be good? Now, Homo Milk, on the other hand....how can that be bad?2016-04-2715 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast648 Soft SpotNot every Lesbian conforms to the usual stereotypes. Some Lesbians don't actually play softball, they don't watch football and they're not turned on by other Lesbians with sports injuries. Instead, they carry the gene for hoarding animals they find on the street. If the animal has injuries or requires extensive vet bills, all the better.2016-04-2416 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast647 Pissed Off AgainHere we go again. A small, but vocal minority pushes to repeal the hard-won rights that LGBT people have recently gained in the South. If this keeps up, it's going to be a very long, very hot summer with Roxanne pissed off and angry again every single day. Please....don't let this happen.2016-04-2013 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast646 SticktoitivenessYes, it's true. The world really is conspiring against you to thwart all your efforts to get simple things done. Roadblocks are being intentionally put in your path to try and deter you from your mission. Now that you know that, there's only one thing to do. Take the advice of a not-so-famous three-year old and, "Try, try again, Mommy".2016-04-1718 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast645 Frequent FlareupsIt happens at the most inconvenient time. It's never when you expect it. It hangs around endlessly and it takes longer to leave than you planned for. There's never a good way to get rid of it and it never gets a clue. It's not actually herpes, it's just the lonely neighbor renting the guesthouse in the backyard.2016-04-1313 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast644 Dirty Filthy PeopleIn the event of a global nuclear war the only surviving life will be cockroaches and rats. Of course, there's no need to wait until Armageddon strikes. Rats and roaches are living in every house in America. They're sleeping right next to you, walking freely around your house, eating your food, and having more sex and making more babies than you are.2016-04-1022 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast643 Heavy Rains and MudslidesThis week's forecast includes heavy rains and a high chance of flooding. Expect huge mudslides and big messes to clean up. Your best chance of success this week relies on lots of blue tarps, large trash bags, gallons of cleaning fluid and rubber gloves. It's time for potty training.2016-03-3015 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast642 Super R.B.F.It takes 10 muscles to smile and 6 muscles to frown. Either way sounds like a lot of work. Why not just go with Resting Bitch Face. That takes no muscles at all and is simply the look on some people's faces. It's not only true...there is science behind it to prove it. Upload your face.2016-03-2624 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast641 Happily Ever AfterOnce upon a time there was a little massage parlor close the edge of town, all the way at the end of an isolated strip mall. All the boys and girls who went there there had a magical experience and walked away happily ever after. The End.2016-03-2312 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast640 ContemplativeThrowing kids birthday parties should be an Olympic sport. You need some form of super talent to come up with the party of the year that every Mom will be talking about and trying to beat. This year, just rent a bunch of zoo animals and let the tigers eat any kids' mothers that can't find anything other than birthday parties to talk about when you see them. You win.2016-03-2018 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast639 For SaleThe grass is always greener across the street, or at least at the porn house that sells for more money than the house you just sold. The extra sheen that glistened on the walls and the unusually crunchy carpeting apparently appeaed to a lot of people with good taste. Throw in the 70's style painting in the bathroom with a lady taking off her clothes and you've just pushed the selling price to one million.2016-03-0913 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast638 Peel It OffMixing is up a bit and trying new things can help keep a relationship interesting. If you're going to bring latex body paint home from the store, however, make sure you do a little trim before you put it on. Nobody really wants to see your pubes sticking out of a sexy layer of body paint.2016-03-0619 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast637 Pissing MatchIt doesn't have to be Halloween for you to be the scary dyke in the neighborhood. All you need is your big stupid dog, a pair of jeans, some old sneakers and a sweatshirt. The straight ladies will be calling their husbands off the couch to come outside to protect them. It's that easy.2016-02-1715 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast636 Vagick WandHaven't had any in a while and getting tired of doing it by yourself? Now all you have to do is to see the gynecologist and get a mammogram in the same week. That's enough penetration for entire month. Done.2016-02-1416 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast635 Jingle BellsAny mom can be a den mother for a troop of cub scouts. All it takes is a blue, button down shirt and a yellow bandana around your neck. It takes a special kind of mom to take her little scout camping out in the middle of nowhere, to sleep on the ground with bugs, to give up her Starbucks coffee for a weekend, and to learn how to play guitar so that she can sing along to "Jingle Bells" with her son at Christmas time.2015-12-1614 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast634 ContagiousIt's not that Lesbians don't like straight people, and it's not like we don't want to hang out with them. It's just hard to get it out of your head that heterosexuality might be contagious.2015-12-1218 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast633 Bird BathFamily-friendly used to mean that Homos were welcome. Now it means you can bring your 3-year old son and let him run around the restaurant to his heart's content and nobody will bat an eye. It also means that the drug addict prostitute taking a bird bath in the restroom is also welcome. After all, she's somebody's family, too.2015-12-0211 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast632 Fire in the HoleIt's perfectly normal to cook while naked. There are just two rules you have to remember. Never reach down to scratch your butt, and always wear an apron. You really don't want that bush to catch fire and burn down the house. That will be a lot of explaining to do.2015-11-2815 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast631 Snack AttackThe good people of Yelp are delighted to let you know that your local dog park is a feces encrusted mudhole with rancid people that will unceremoniously allow their dogs to mount your pure and innocent little princess. Sounds like a perfect place to take your dog for a fun afternoon of running around and meeting other dogs.2015-11-2215 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast630 Love You MoreIt's the law of the land now -- Gay people can get married anywhere in the United States, and we have all the rights that go along with it. Just don't take your honeymoon in Hawaii or you might spend the rest of your vacation in jail just for kissing your wife in public.2015-11-1812 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast629 What's For DinnerIt used to be that a dick pic was something you'd see on the wall of a public restroom. Someone would artfully depict a cartoon of a penis using a black magic marker. We would either be horrified or chuckle to ourselves discreetly and then share the story about it with our friends afterwards. Now we have smartphones with digital cameras so that we can simply take a picture of our genitals and send to everyone we know. Life sure has gotten easier.2015-11-1517 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast628 Choose More CarefullyRescue centers that adopt pets usually go through a lot of effort to ensure that the pets they adopt out are a good match for the new owners. They check the pet's temperament against the new home, they check to see if the pet is high or low energy, if they're good with kids and if they get along with other animals. One aspect they tend to miss, however, is to check a dog's IQ. Nobody expects their next pet to be an Einstein, but it would be nice to adopt a pet that can at least remember where the...2015-11-1112 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast627 A HauntingWe spend a lot of time inspecting a new house before buying it. People come in to look at the foundation, the plumbing, the electrical, and everything else that might go wrong. What we don't usually check is to see if some supernatural presence has already decided this is their home. Then, one day you're convinced the house is possessed when you detect an otherworldly smell so rancid that it can't possibly be human. That's when you realize the 3-year old just took an enormous, fetid crap in his pants.2015-11-0822 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast626 Vagical Mystery TourThe "sex" talk used to be easy when it was just the birds and the bees. Now you have to cover not only the birds and the bees, but the birds and the birds, the bees and the bees, the birds that like both birds and bees (and vice versa), the birds that were born bees, the bees that were born birds, the birds and the bees that don't like labels and the birds and the bees that are still questioning. It's going to take more than a day to cover all that.2015-11-0419 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast625 Ignorance Can Be CuredIt doesn't take much to set some people off. One Facebook message is all it can take to get someone going on a rant. Listen to Roxanne deconstruct the passage of Gay Marriage back in June.2015-11-0124 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast624 Feeling CreepySome of us enjoy holding on to the memory of our first real crushes. We can remember vividly those warm wonderful feelings and delightful fantasies. When we think about those wonderful memories, we don't think about our old crushes the way they are today. We always remember them the way they were back then...back when their breasts were still in the right place.2015-10-2811 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast623 Dead or AliveSometimes you can go months or even years without thinking about someone, and then one day out of the blue it hits you...are they dead or alive? Sometimes maybe you're just better off not knowing. The mystery of not knowing is more exciting than the truth.2015-10-2414 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast622 Park BenchThe myth of Santa Claus is designed around instilling fear in your child to make them behave. If you're not a good boy or girl, you won't get any presents for Christmas. Once your kid is too old to believe in Santa, it's time to move on to the next helpful lie. If you're having sex and you're not wearing a condom, your mom is going to know about it. That works until your kid has to tell you that you're going to be a grandmother.2015-02-1113 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast621 Poultry SheersWhen it costs $500 to have your dog neutered it's no wonder the local shelters are overflowing with unwanted dogs and cats. It's also a good reason to simply go the DIY route. Get a pair of poultry sheers from the kitchen and some electrical tape from the garage. The job should be done in one good snip. A whiskey chaser for the dog and you can call it a day.2015-02-0819 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast620 Tail Pattern BaldnessHere's an idea. Why not have a "dollar menu" at the vet? Instead of the vet telling you what the treatment for you sick dog or cat is going to be, you simply choose what you want to have done from the dollar menu. You can have the five thousand dollar surgery for your dog's eye, or you can buy an eye patch from the 99 cents store. Your choice.2015-01-2812 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast619 Wild AnimalWho doesn't want a cuddly lovable pet to love and enjoy? Here's an idea...why not a full grown alligator? There's a pet you can let roam freely through your backyard and your house, a pet you can have curl up to you at night when you sleep, and a pet that's really good with children. Feeding it isn't really a problem either. Just let it eat all the cats and small dogs in the neighborhood.2015-01-2515 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast618 LegacyNothing says you're a real woman like a tampon stuck in the back pocket of your jeans. Real Lesbians don't have wallets in their back pocket, they've got a heavy-duty super-flow day tampon ready for action and for all the world to see. When the tampon is out of the pocket, you can still see the outline of the tampon rubbed into the denim on the outside. Not for wimps.2015-01-2115 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast617 Jiffy LuberThe one sure-fire thing that makes Lesbians get moist in their jeans is a Lesbian in a baseball hat on crutches. To make it a double orgasm, the reason she's on crutches is from a softball injury. Then there's the perfect trifecta - a Lesbian law enforcement officer on a K-9 patrol with a dog in her car. Call the Coast Guard, because we have someone in a danger of downing in rush of body fluid.2015-01-1818 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast616 Dyke BeautifulThe service seemed great. You got seated faster than expected. The waitress came right to your table to take your order. Your food came up super fast and everything tasted great. The waitress must have been super busy since she was only by the table once to deliver the food. The check comes right away. It might have been some other table's check, but at least it came quickly. You just thought the service was good that night, but it turns out it was all really because you were Dyke Beautiful.2015-01-1426 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast615 Snow GlobeAfter you've tried several different tactics to get people to stop leaving dog crap on your front lawn, it's time to move to Def Con 5. Put in a surveillance camera, record the people leaving crap on the lawn and then edit together a loop tape of the culprits. Play the recording on a big screen TV out your front window and play the tape over and over again until the assailants have to move away from the neighborhood in shame.2015-01-1119 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast614 Business PlanIf you're going to open a business, it's helpful to have the name of your company clearly spell out to customers exactly what you're selling. After all these years it finally became clear that the spot between the twat and the shitter is called the Twitter. Some people are just the last to know.2014-12-2812 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast613 PornishFor the general movie-going public there's Rotten Tomatoes to help guide you through the myriad bad movies that you can waste good money on going to see. Lesbians need the same type of movie guide so that they don't waste money seeing the movie about the young Lesbian whose girlfriend starts sleeping with her mother. We'll call it Rotten Vaginas. If that doesn't keep you away...nothing will.2014-12-2415 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast612 ThowsandIt's really not hard to be a criminal and get away with it. All it really takes is not being stupid. Just learn to spell the word thousand and you could get away with stealing cash all day long. Here's a hint- there is no W in the word thousand.2014-12-2114 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast611 OverbookedBuying a tray of store bought cookies to bring to the holiday party for $30 seemed like an act of extortion that should have brought the grocery store ten years in prison. That was until the Gay men showed up with their $800 baby stroller. At that point bringing the tiny little tray of stale cookies wrapped in cellophane and a chintzy bow made you seem like nothing but a cheap and classless Lesbian.2014-12-1721 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast610 Nervous LaughterWhen you are rude to your barista they simply get you back by giving you decaf instead of full test in your latte. Your favorite dry cleaner also has a trick when you bring in a bag of laundry that you've just informed them your dog has pissed on. Theyre happy to take that dripping, wet bag from you, but when you get it back and you put those clothes on, you'll realize the dry cleaner pissed on your clothes before they gave them back.2014-12-1417 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast609 Free DeliveryIf a $3.50 delivery charge is too much for you to spend to have pizza delivered, then you need to get your fat, lazy behind off the couch and go pick it up yourself. Of course, if the delivery person is a hot Lesbian rolling up to your door with a smokin' hot package just for you...then maybe $20 doesn't sound like too much. Sounds like it will be take-out for dinner every night.2014-12-1011 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast608 BestiesIf your dog's face swells up to the point where it looks like Mike Tyson beat him up, it's time to go to the vet right away. If you're just out walking your dog and you pass that vet's office, move over to the other side of the street immediately. Otherwise, money will start getting sucked out of your ATM card and credit cards automatically.2014-12-0722 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast607 ThankfulThanksgiving...the time of year to be thankful for family, good friends, all the wonderful things in our lives and for sharing with others. Next time you share that secret family recipe that's been handed down from generation to generation make sure that you leave out one ingredient so that you drive the next three generations insane trying to figure out how you make that special pie taste so good.2014-11-3015 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast606 DelusionalIt's happened to all of us at one time or another. We dream about something that we're convinced is absolutely real. Like the time Angelina Jolie, Mila Kunis and Shakira all showed up at your front door ready to rock your world. According to the dictionary, someone that is delusional is someone that believes things that couldn't possibly be true. Also defined as a psychological disorder.2014-11-2612 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast605 Secret WeaponThere's one way to guarantee that you, your partner and your baby can all sit in the same row of the airplane. Fill a ziploc bag full of baby crap and hide it discreetly in the diaper bag. If the airline tries to move you, simply pull out the bag of crap, insert it into your baby's diapers and then proceed to change the baby right there in your seat. Call your partner over to help so that everyone knows you're together. Guaranteed to work every time...straight or Gay.2014-11-2313 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast604 Under AttackThe meaning of a true partnership is when a your spouse is willing to get up in the middle of the night, walk down the street in her pajamas and look like some freak on her cell phone in the middle of the street to hack a portal for a video game you're playing. The even truer meaning of the word partnership is that she puts up with you playing that nerdy game with teenage boys across the city that are up late at night jizzing on their cellphones.2014-11-1916 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast603 Photo BombThere's no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed if your children photo bomb other families on vacation taking their own family photos. They're just trying to do a public service by trying to make the other family look better. It's a public service that's free of charge.2014-11-1614 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast602 Last Saturday NightPets are good for a lot of reasons. They can help lower your stress level, they can make you forget about your horrible day and they generally make you feel happier. They're also good to blame the smell on when you lay a big stinky fart in front of your friends. You can blame it on the dog...but your friends know it was you anyway. Even when it really is the dog...your friends still think it's you.2014-11-1212 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast601 Frosted Blonde TipsThe unspoken rule of Lesbian Etiquette - if you see another Lesbian that you don't know, don't talk to her. Don't make eye contact. Don't acknowledge her existence. Don't stand too close to her. And, definitely don't be seen together in the same location for more than a minute. It's a good thing online dating is now an option or Lesbians would be single forever.2014-11-0912 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast600 DominicIt's the perfect family pet. He's a Lab mix, housebroken, good with kids, good with other animals and loves cats. He doesn't grab food from the table and he never jumps on people. Well...until you complete the adoption process to take the new puppy home. Then he's a Pit Bull mix illegally imported from another country, full of worms, not potty-trained and doesn't know how to walk on a leash.2014-11-0522 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast599 EggedIf you're 30 years old and you still feel the need to go trick-or-treating with a bag of your own, then don't have the audacity to lecture people about what type of candy they should buy. Take $2 out of your own pocket and go down to the store and pick up whatever candy bar you want. Or, just take a little child with you and take the candy out of their bag just like the rest of the adults in the neighborhood.2014-11-0218 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast598 GeldingIt's never as good as the first time, especially if you're a cutter. We're not talking about just any kind of cutter. We're talking about the kind of cutting where you lose 6-10 inches that you'll never get back. To these folks, cutting a slit in your arm is simply child's play.2014-10-2914 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast597 Movie TimeGo ahead and download all the free movies you want from the Internet. It won't cost you a thing. Nobody is counting the 17 new viruses, the 25 cases of malware and all your passwords that have been sold in 10 different countries in the last 5 minutes. Don't worry about the fact that your computer is now dirtier than a slutty girl's vagina.2014-10-2614 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast596 Bloody SurvivalA lesson in simple logic. Spongebob is absorbent. Spongebob lives in Bikini Bottom. Therefore, Spongebob is a tampon. More logic lessons. Don't ever sign up for Survivor or any reality show where they don't provide female sanitary supplies...unless you enjoy free-bleeding.2014-10-2213 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast595 Straight HairNot just anyone can cut Lesbian hair and not anyone can style Lesbian hair. We might be able to shave an armpit, trim a bush or shave a leg, but getting up every morning to put every single hair in it's proper place before going out the door is not a gene everyone is born with. For the rest of us we need a Lesbian Hair Salon that does everything from the long- haired femme to the number one buzz cut, and everything in between. A a bonus they'll pluck a stray hair off your face without missing a beat.2014-10-1910 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast532 JoinersThe best way to further the acceptance of Gay people in society is simply to be yourself and show people that you're a regular human being just like they are. The more people that know Gay people, the more people will realize being Gay is perfectly normal. Or, you can use the Roxanne method - next time you're in a group of straight people, make sure you put up your guard, decide that they are nasty, uptight human beings before you know anything about them, and then imitate their voice and make fun of their children that you don't even...2013-01-2313 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast516 SmileRoxanne is going straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Virginia is going with her as an accomplice. There really isn't anything more to say. At least we now know that hell is located in Van Nuys, California. They might have a cafeteria, or they might have a buffet. Nobody is really sure.2012-08-2217 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast505 Saint RoxanneSome friends are just your party friends, others are your movie and dinner girlfriends, and still others are just your regular hanging out type of friends. Then there are those friends that you can really count on. Not just the ones that will be there if you need a shoulder to cry on, but instead the type of friends that will not only wipe your vagina, but those that will change a tampon for you. Not just any tampon...but an honest to goodness O.B. without the applicator.2012-06-2514 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast490 Coming to AmericaA message to Gill and Jane: I am extending a heartfelt apology for the evening you spent with Roxanne. I apologize for her unbridled vulgarity, her lack of compassion for other human beings, her outright sense of entitlement, and for embarrassing the United States of America and confirming every ugly American stereotype in existence. We sincerely hope that this doesn't affect the relationship between the United States and the wonderful and warm country of the UK.2012-04-0120 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast461 Locker Room GirlsThe locker room doesn't have to be a place of fear and trepidation about taking your clothes off around other girls. It doesn't have to be a place that smells like sweaty socks and dirty underwear. And, it certainly doesn't have to be the place of Roxanne's depraved fantasies about hot steamy sex. See what it's all about by visiting the Locker Room Girls at lockerroomgirls.blogspot.com.2011-11-0913 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast385 Scan MeIt's hard work keeping the country safe from evil. That's why we all have to step up and do our parts if we're going to succeed. If that means going through a full body scanner at the airport, showing up in a Speedo with a nut hanging out, or letting Roxanne's mom listen to this show...we just have to suck it up and do what we have to do.2010-12-0111 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast311 Lesbian CensusLet's stand up and be counted! It's that time of the decade when Roxanne tries to find out which zip code...or country...has the largest number of cute Lesbians. She claims it's not a "dating service", but she sure has a lot of questions about you, your exes and your availability for a new relationship. Print out the survey and send your responses to Roxanne@2Homos.com2010-01-2513 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast217 Roxanne For MayorIf you're going to run for a public office you'll need a platform to run on. You'll need to have a point of view and some important issues to inspire people to vote for you. You have to give the people something to believe in, even if your campaign is all about stopping people from shitting in public.2009-01-2211 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast180 Fantasy GirlsA new TV show causes Roxanne to lose touch with reality and fancy herself the young hot Lesbian of her youth. Or, it could just be the initial stages of her mid-life crisis coming on. Virginia realizes it's time for an intervention.2008-07-0110 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast029 Eating OutRoxanne finds a new restaurant that she likes more than McDonald's. As we make the trek out to Cafe Beaujolais, we wind up getting more than just something good to eat. The evening turns out to a be a real treat, with both dinner and a show.2008-05-2211 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast156 LesbopolitanThe Cosmo magazine that hasn't left the house yet become an endless source of fascination and irritation for Roxanne as she takes a look at some of the other articles. For Virginia it sparks the idea for a new money-making adventure - publishing the new Lesbian magazine...Lesbopolitan.2008-02-2713 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast152 Get Out & VoteIt's election time in the States. This year, get out and make your vote count (unlike Roxanne's). It gives you the right to go out and bitch about everything you don't like.2008-02-1508 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast151 Instant FemmeThe days of using Chapstick as lipstick and hanging around the Rite-Aid counter waiting for someone to help you learn how to apply makeup are over. Roxanne tells all as she explains how she learned to put on makeup and primp like a girl. So, tuck in that t-shirt, put on a belt and find out how to become an instant femme.2008-02-1109 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast130 The Crying Game ReduxIt's time for another relaxing evening in front of the TV. Well...that is until "Something About Miriam" comes on. It's kind of like "The Bachelorette"....except for the special surprise that Miram has in store for the unknowing bachelors. As usual, Roxanne has an opinion.2007-12-0311 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast122 Hey, Girl, HeyCrazy has it's own special way of reaching out to let you know it's there. It's more than just a look or a feeling...it's something far deeper and more insidious that grips you and pulls you in. It's a good thing Virginia's in a relationship, because even on TV, she can still find "crazy" without even trying. Danger lurks everywhere.2007-11-0811 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast117 Chick With a DickIt's not exactly penis envy...it's more like penis curiosity. If you could take a pill that gave you a penis of your very own for just one day, you need to make sure you get your money's worth out of it. Roxanne's niece, Ashley, joins us for this important topic. We definitely needed the straight girl perspective on this one.2007-10-1911 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast114 Mirror, Mirror, On the WallMirror, mirror, on the wall...what the fuck is that thing coming out of my face?! After Lasik, Virginia could see the hair on a gnat's ass from 2 miles away. The only downside was that her close-up vision got so bad that she finally had to break down and get a 50x magnification mirror. Now we need therapy to work through the issues of strange hairs popping out on our faces, wrinkles we couldn't see before and dark pores we didn't even know we had. All this due to that evil mirror invented by some sick, cruel sociopath.2007-10-1009 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast108 She's Dizzy, Not DitzyVirginia is about to become a millionaire. Of course, first she has to take out an insurance policy on Roxanne. After eight years in a relationship, it's time to trade her in for a younger model, and that's going to take a whole lotta cash.2007-09-1909 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast105 Lights, Camera, ActionTo help get you through those long, cold months in between seasons of the L Word, Roxanne has come up with a new dramatic series, using real-life characters that everyone can relate to. This Fall...on Skinemax...look for...."Lipstick". Lesbian drama like it was meant to be.2007-09-1113 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast090 Asleep at the WheelDriving while you're drowsy can be very dangerous, indeed. Once again, we're here to help, with techniques designed to keep you wide awake on your next long drive. Roxanne's nephew, Ben, joins us for a visit and some helpful hints.2007-07-2808 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast088 Entrepreneurial LesbiansIf you can't work for the "man" any longer, a good career alternative is to become the "man". It's time to explore your entrepreneurial side as Roxanne considers career options for the future.2007-07-2312 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast085 Two and a Half HomosRoxanne's niece comes bursting out of the closet, and now we have lots more room in there to put away all those winter coats and jackets. On a somewhat related note, if someone named "Gangsta Gramma" tries to be your friend on MySpace, make sure you just say "no".2007-07-1417 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast084 MySpace VirginsIt's not that adults don't understand MySpace...it's just that we don't know have a clue what we're doing and how to set it up. One thing I do understand, however, is that if I ever find myself out of Roxanne's "top eight", I'll know that we've broken up and it's time for me to move out of the house. Check out our MySpace page and become our friend!2007-07-1109 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast079 Sugar MamaWhat's an older Lesbian doing with an under-age, teenage girl at Los Angeles Gay Pride -- holding hands and buying her temporary tattoos, jewelry, Diet Coke's and anything else she wants? If it's Roxanne, then she's out with her niece showing her how the Gay community celebrates Pride.2007-06-2811 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast076 Sick, Sick, SickRoxanne comes down with a summer cold. Instead of getting sympathy, orange juice, throat lozenges or a soft box of tissues....Roxanne is exiled to the guest bedroom. Even the dogs don't want to be in the same room with her.2007-06-2010 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast074 Riding Shotgun With SybilRoxanne had the "experience of a lifetime" on ALC6, but the memories of her best friend, Sybil will be what she remembers the most. We also learn that professional people can sometimes date crazies, too. Join us on this last installment from our series on ALC6.2007-06-1511 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast070 The P-Mate's Have Arrived!It never occurred to me that I would live in a house where I'd have to worry about the toilet seat being up when I go to the bathroom. Now that the P-Mate's have arrived...the toilet seat being up is a hazard I may just have to live with. Roxanne has discovered that it's not only convenient to pee standing up, but it's a lot of fun, too.2007-05-3008 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast067 Fashion Week at the Swap MeetIt happens only once a year. Paris meets California at the Orange County Swap Meet for Fashion Week. Roxanne is there with all the color commentary and sightings of this year's most stylish couture.2007-05-2309 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast065 VagitariansIt's not easy to face your fears. It takes courage, determination and a willingness to let go of the old habits that hold you back. Roxanne takes a bold step forward to overcome her fear of vegetables this weekend as she musters up all her strength to attend the Strawberry Festival...even if strawberries are not a vegetable.2007-05-1913 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast063 The Burning BushFires raced across two areas of Los Angeles last week. Roxanne thinks it's the work of twisted pyromaniacs, but Virginia is convinced that the Griffith Park fire was started by a meth-head cruising for a blow job in the park. As for the Catalina fire, we're both convinced that the fire is a sure sign for the woman about to get married in Catalina that she really shouldn't get married at all. It's a sign that she should come out as a Lesbian instead.2007-05-1411 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast062 One Gay Son and a Pair of DykesThe fascists of political correctness set their sites on a stereotypical, older, white male and prepare to fire. As champions of the cause, they come out with both guns blaring and project all their baggage about how he doesn't respect or acknowledge gay relationships. What they didn't know...is that this particular older white man is Roxanne's Dad.2007-05-1207 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast056 Lazy Pieces of ShitTake a ride with Roxanne as she gets ready for ALC 6 on a training day designed to give the volunteers and the cyclists an idea of what it will be like on an actual day of on the event itself. Roxanne is awed by the way the cyclists pull together to help each other up the long, steep hills, and she is blown away by the inspirational qualities of disco music, even among a generation that grew up with Milli Vanilli.2007-04-2810 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast051 Roxi's MommyRoxanne's mommy comes over for a vist and tells us what it was like for her when she found out Roxanne was gay. She also shares a secret from her past when she was hit on by a Lesbian who wanted her to move in with her that very night. The only thing that's changed between now and then is that Lesbians at least wait until the second date to bring the U-Haul.2007-04-1711 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast050 Adventures in DiningWhen it comes to food, Roxanne is not the most adventurous person on the planet. But, she does understand that maintaining a healthy relationship takes a little bit of compromise, mixed with a touch of flexibility and the desire to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. She also knows when to say...enough is enough.2007-04-1510 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast045 Jury DutyIt happens to all of us. We're innocently checking the mail, and there it it...the dreaded jury duty notice. As the panic spreads through your veins, do you think about running it through the paper shredder to pretend you never got it? Do you toss it into the street and hope that it gets sucked into the sewers? Do you make endless excuses and continue to reschedule until the end of your life? Or, do you step up to the plate like Roxanne, and perform your civic duty like a true American hero!2007-04-0511 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast041 Let's Get PersonalIn a new relationship it's important to understand the boundary between intimacy and over-sharing. Apparently, this can still be an issue for couples that have been together for a while. It seems that Roxanne and I still haven't found that perfect balance yet.2007-03-2708 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast040 On-line PredatorsRoxanne goes on-line for a bit of web surfing, and gets stalked by on-line predators as she innocently tries to play Trendetta, her favorite video game. The tweens educate her on how to fight back. I'm not sure I can leave her alone with the internet any more.2007-03-2508 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast039 For the Love of DollyWalk that fine line with us between fan and stalker as we discuss Roxanne's latest Tivo adventure, "For the Love of Dolly". I'm off to lick Roxanne's seatbelt right now.2007-03-2311 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast036 The Gay Mafia in the BahamasBy the time the plane sets down in the Bahamas, Roxanne's gaydar is already kicking into overdrive as she works on collecting all the gay people in the airport terminal who are on their way to our hotel. Before we were on vacation for even 24 hours, she had already formed the Gay Mafia that would become our travel companions for the rest of the trip.2007-03-1725 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast032 The Great Tivo DebateThe best gift for some can be the worst nightmare for others. After bringing the Tivo in to the house, the TV is now off limits for Virginia as Roxanne works overtime to tape every show ever made, and to make it all fit on only a 40-hour Tivo.2007-03-0809 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast022 Cussin at WorkThe countdown to Roxanne's termination at work begins. If she so much as utters a single word that even sounds like a swear, Roxanne will be standing in the unemployment line for good. Forget the Super Bowl...now is the time to buy your squares in the pool to guess how much longer Roxanne will be able to keep her job. We take PayPal.2007-02-1712 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast021 The Gay 90210Roxanne shares a secret. Late in the evening, when the house goes eerily quiet, Roxanne is at the computer, channeling Dr. Phil, giving advice to teenagers who are just coming out.2007-02-1507 min2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast014 The Fur RantIt was a mic check gone wrong. Listen in as Roxanne recounts her experiences with hairy men.2007-01-2204 min