Shows
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Jokes and Defensiveness Kill Emotional Connection in Marriage | Ep 40Many men use humor or defensiveness without realizing the cost. What feels like keeping things light or protecting yourself can quietly train your partner to manage emotions instead of feeling close to you.
In this episode, I talk about how defensiveness really shows up, not just as arguments, but as explaining, joking, correcting, or stepping out of emotional moments. I explore how these patterns shape the way your partner comes to you, or stops coming to you, and how they affect your kids more than you may realize.
This isn’t about blame or being th...
2026-01-3017 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Being Helpful Isn’t Creating Emotional Connection | Ep 39What’s more common is something quieter and harder to see.
Instead of staying emotionally engaged, many men shift into fixing mode. They manage logistics, handle responsibilities, and stay productive, believing closeness will eventually follow.
But fixing doesn’t create intimacy. It often replaces it.
In this episode, we talk about how emotional engagement slowly gives way to efficiency and avoidance, why “doing things together” feels like a breakthrough only after intimacy is already gone, and the relational skill most men were never taught.
This isn’t about date nights or doing more...
2026-01-2316 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Talking About Intimacy Keeps Backfiring for Men | Ep 38Most men believe the problem with intimacy is how or when they ask.
They try to communicate better.They wait for the right moment.They rehearse the conversation in their head.
And it still backfires.
In this episode, I talk about why asking for intimacy often creates more distance instead of connection, and what actually needs to change for intimacy to feel natural again.
We explore how many men unknowingly show up with adolescent energy, hinting, joking, hovering, or avoiding rejection instead of leading with clarity and steadiness. We...
2026-01-1619 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStop Hoping Your Marriage Will Get Better | Ep 37Most men don’t realize how much waiting is costing them in their marriage.
In this episode, I will explains why hoping things improve on their own keeps men stuck, how fear of rejection leads to emotional hiding, and where real change actually begins.
This is a grounded, honest conversation about agency, connection, and what’s possible over the next twelve weeks if you stop waiting and start engaging differently.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why waiting feels responsible but slowly creates distance
How fear of rejection leads men to...
2026-01-0914 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenYou Don’t Need a New You, You Need a Different Approach | Ep 36The holidays are over, and instead of feeling hopeful, many men feel clearer about the disconnect in their relationship.
They showed up.They put in effort.And it still didn’t bring them closer.
In this episode, I talk about why effort alone often misses the mark in long term relationships, how that creates frustration and resentment over time, and what actually begins to change when the approach shifts.
This is not a motivational episode and it’s not about becoming a new version of yourself.
It’s about unders...
2026-01-0212 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenThree Questions I Know You’re Carrying This Week | Ep 35There are questions many men carry quietly in their marriages. They don’t always get said out loud, but they shape how you show up, how hard you try, and how you make sense of what’s not working.
In this episode, we name three of those questions honestly:
Can this actually be repaired?
Why does it feel like I’m always coming up short?
What does this say about me that this still hurts?
This is a reflective conversation for men who care deeply about their marriages and feel f...
2025-12-2610 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhen Your Marriage Is About You (More Than You Realize) | Ep 34You might believe you’re doing your part in your marriage, showing up, trying, putting in effort.And yet, intimacy still feels strained or distant.
In this episode, I talk about a subtle dynamic many men don’t realize is shaping their relationship, when your marriage becomes the place you try to feel okay.
You’ll hear:
Why effort and good intentions don’t always create intimacy
How attention, control, or generosity can become ways to self-soothe
Why sex often becomes the only language of connection men know
...
2025-12-1914 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy She Stopped Trying in Your Marriage | Ep 33In today’s episode, we’re talking about something many men don’t see until it’s nearly too late: the moment your wife stops trying in the marriage.
You may notice the lack of intimacy, the distance, the short conversations, or the roommate dynamic. But the truth is that the disconnection began long before you felt it. She has likely been carrying the emotional weight of the relationship for years while you were shutting down, withdrawing, or reacting without realizing the impact.
In this episode, I walk you through:
How emotional absence starts q...
2025-12-1218 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Successful Men Feel Unseen in Their Marriage | Ep 32If you feel like a paycheck in your own marriage or wonder why your wife seems distant, this episode will speak directly to you. Successful men often carry the weight of providing, yet still feel unseen, unappreciated, or disconnected at home.
In this episode, I explain why that happens, why your efforts are not creating the closeness you want, and what emotional skills actually rebuild connection. You deserve a marriage where you feel valued for who you are, not only for what you provide.
Listen to learn how to shift the dynamic, create emotional safety...
2025-12-0525 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenLonely in Your Marriage: What Successful Men Need to Know Now | Ep 31Most successful men assume loneliness is something they can power through, but in marriage it is often the first warning sign. In this episode, I walk you through why the distance has grown, what’s actually happening under the surface and how you can start rebuilding connection right now.
Inside the episode:
the quiet ways loneliness shows up
why your wife stopped turning toward you
how empty nest amplifies disconnection
the most common fears men have before coaching
what makes my approach different from therapy or books...
2025-11-2818 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenIf Your Wife Matched Your Energy, Would You Feel Loved? | Ep 30If your wife matched your energy in the relationship, would you feel loved?
This episode dives deep into what happens when emotional effort becomes one-sided - when she’s the one managing connection, while you handle logistics. You’ll learn:
Why “providing” isn’t the same as participating
How emotional imbalance leads to loneliness for both of you
Why her frustration isn’t rejection, it’s exhaustion
How to champion her growth without losing yourself
What emotionally strong men do differently
It’s not about fixing her - it’...
2025-11-2124 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStop “Helping Out” and Start Showing Up | Ep 29If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything you can to “help” but still end up with a tense, disconnected home - this episode will hit home.
Because here’s the truth: when you “help out,” you’re still putting her in charge. You’re waiting for direction instead of showing up as an equal partner.
In this episode, I break down:
Why “helping” actually keeps you disconnected (even when your intentions are good)
The simple mindset shift that changes how she experiences you
How to stop needing to be managed...
2025-11-1419 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStop Needing to Be Right (If You Want Real Connection) | Ep 28Most men don’t realize how often their need to be right keeps them from the connection they actually want.
In this episode, I’ll explain why logic and proof can’t heal emotional pain - and what to do when your wife keeps bringing up something that happened years ago.
You’ll learn why she can’t move on until she feels safe again, and how to stop defending and start leading emotionally.
In this episode:
Why your need to be right often hides a deeper fear of not being respected
2025-11-0722 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy You Keep Losing Your Temper (and How to Stop Feeling So Guilty After)You tell yourself you’ll keep calm next time, but somehow you still end up snapping.Then comes the guilt, the silence, and the promise that you’ll “do better.”
In this episode, I’ll walk you through what’s actually happening when anger takes over - and why willpower isn’t enough.You’ll learn:
Why anger often hides fear, shame, or insecurity.
How successful men use anger to stay in control - and how it ends up controlling them instead.
What it takes to finally shift from reaction to awar...
2025-10-3118 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenYou Can’t Go Back to How It Was: Why Real Change in Marriage Starts with YouYou miss how things used to be - when she smiled more, laughed at your jokes, and seemed happy to see you. But what you’re really missing isn’t her, it’s who you used to feel like in your marriage.
In this episode, we'll unpack why trying to get back to the past keeps you stuck, and how to move forward by rebuilding trust, connection, and confidence - starting from within.
You’ll learn:
Why the “old version” of your relationship can’t come back and why that’s okay.
What it means...
2025-10-2420 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStop Delegating Your Happiness: Why Money, Sex, and Success Can’t Fix Your MarriageYou’ve worked hard, achieved, and provided. On paper, you’ve done everything right. So why does your marriage still feel distant? Why do you still feel rejected or disrespected at home?
In this episode, I break down one of the biggest traps men fall into: outsourcing their happiness. Whether it’s your wife’s mood, how much sex you’re having, your bank account, or your achievements, tying your worth to outside things creates instability, resentment, and disconnection in your marriage.
I share a client story that exposes how intimacy turns transactional, why achievement culture se...
2025-10-1720 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Putting Your Wife on a Pedestal Hurts Your MarriagePutting your wife on a pedestal might feel like respect, but it often creates distance instead of intimacy. In this episode, I'll explain why pedestal talk backfires, where it comes from, and how it leaves women feeling unheard. Discover how to shift from performance to presence so you can build real connection, respect, and closeness in your marriage.
🎧 Listen to all episodes at https://alisastoddard.com/podcast
💬 Want help figuring this out in your own relationship? Access my free Intimacy Training: https://alisastoddard.mykajabi.com/opt-in
Book a Relationship Clarity Call: https://alisa-stoddard.mykajabi...
2025-10-1017 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Fighting and Silent Treatments Don’t Bring You CloserDo fights in your marriage always spiral, only to be followed by days of silence?If so, you know how exhausting the cycle can be. One minute you’re caught in an argument that’s not even about what started it, and the next you’re living in icy silence - no resolution, no repair, no closeness.
In this episode, I break down why the fight-silent treatment cycle is so damaging, what it’s really costing your marriage, and what you can do instead.
You’ll hear:
Why both fighting and silence se...
2025-10-0324 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenHow Men Can Stop Feeling Lonely in MarriageDo you feel like your wife is your only source of connection - and it’s driving a wedge between you? In this episode, I share why following her around or envying her social life is backfiring, and how you can stop feeling lonely in your marriage by building a life that lights you up.
🔹 Why hovering makes her feel pressure, not love🔹 The difference between proximity and real friendship🔹 How to build interests and connection outside of her🔹 What makes you fun to be around again
📌 Ready to stop feeling lonely in your marriage...
2025-09-2616 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Talking Feels So Hard With Your WifeDo you feel like every time your wife wants to talk, it ends in a fight?
You’re not alone. Most men were taught from a young age to only take yelling seriously - and that old training is still running the show in your marriage today.
In this episode, I’ll unpack:
Why men and women learned two very different communication rules growing up.
How her bids for connection get misinterpreted as nagging or criticism.
Why defensiveness hijacks conversations and kills intimacy.
Three practical tools you can use this week to stop the cycl...
2025-09-1914 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenUnspoken Expectations Are Killing Your MarriageDo you ever feel like your wife doesn’t notice all you do? You work hard, provide, show up - and yet you’re left feeling unseen and unappreciated.
This episode is all about unspoken expectations in marriage - why they’re so destructive, how they lead to resentment, and what you can do instead.
You’ll learn:
Why waiting to be noticed never works
How unspoken expectations turn into scorekeeping and resentment
The role fear of rejection plays in this cycle
The shift you need to make to...
2025-09-1216 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenBack Rubs and Sex in Marriage: Why Connection Matters MoreBack rubs aren’t working anymore - and deep down, you know why.
In this episode, I’ll break down why back rubs have stopped leading to sex, the damaging myth that “she’d enjoy it if she just gave in,” and what actually creates desire and intimacy in your marriage.
You’ll learn:
Why pressure destroys connection (and leaves you both feeling worse)
The shift from obligation sex to real desire
Practical things you can say and do that build intimacy - and one thing you should never say
...
2025-09-0518 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenSeparate Bedrooms in Marriage - Here’s What’s Really Going OnIf you and your wife are living like roommates - or even sleeping in separate bedrooms - you probably feel shut out, rejected, and discouraged. But the truth is, the bedroom isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of something deeper.
In this episode, I’ll share:
The common reasons couples end up in separate bedrooms (and why it’s rarely just about sleep).
What’s really going on underneath the distance and disconnection.
The mistake men make when they take her words literally instead of hearing what she means.
Why sex can’t be the goal - a...
2025-08-2916 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStop Being a Martyr in Your MarriageIf your go-to line is “It’s fine, I’ll handle it,” you might be slipping into martyr mode - the pouty, moody bid for care that actually pushes her away. In this episode, I break down why that move erases you from the relationship, leaves her carrying your emotions, and teaches your kids to avoid conflict instead of repairing it.
You’ll learn how to re-enter as a partner: speak one true sentence, sit with emotion instead of fixing, set clean boundaries, make shared decisions about money and parenting, and use a quick CLEAR ask (Clear need, Lay...
2025-08-2226 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenYour Wife Wants More Than a Paycheck: How to Truly Show Up in Your MarriageYour wife isn’t just asking you to do more chores - she’s asking you to be her partner. In this episode, I talk about what it really means to show up in your marriage beyond providing financially.
You’ll learn why avoiding certain conversations is hurting your connection, what you’re giving up when you’re not engaged at home, and the small shifts that can change everything.
🎧 Listen to all episodes at https://alisastoddard.com/podcast
💬 Want help figuring this out in your own relationship? Book a free call:
https://solo.to...
2025-08-1514 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhen You Always Feel Attacked (But You're Not)Feel like your wife is always criticizing you?
Like you can’t say anything without it turning into a fight?
This episode will challenge that instinct to defend - and help you see what’s really going on beneath the tension.
You’ll learn:
✅ Why disagreement feels threatening
✅ How always needing the “final say” shuts down connection
✅ What to do when you feel like she’s attacking (and how to respond differently)
If you’re tired of walking on eggshells and ready for a stronger connection, this one’...
2025-08-0814 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenIs Sex the Only Way You Feel Liked?For a lot of men, sex becomes the only place they feel truly wanted - where they feel liked, seen, or appreciated. But when intimacy only shows up in the bedroom, and it’s tied to performance or pressure, the connection starts to unravel. In this episode, we’ll talk about why this happens, what it really means, and how to start building closeness that isn’t just about sex - but is better because of it.
🔗 Ready to create a deeper connection in your relationship? Book a free call at https://alisastoddard.com
🎙 Create More Intimac...
2025-08-0115 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenObligation Sex Isn’t Worth HavingYou’re helping out, being thoughtful, trying to be a good man—so why does sex still feel distant, cold, or transactional?
In this episode, I unpack why obligation sex leaves both partners feeling worse… and how you can shift from pressure and rejection to real connection and intimacy. We’ll talk about what’s really going on when sex becomes a transaction, why rejection stings so deeply, and how to rebuild safety, confidence, and desire—without begging or walking on eggshells.
If you’ve ever walked away from sex feeling emptier instead of closer, this one’s for...
2025-07-2511 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenYou’re Not the Problem… But You’re Not Off the Hook EitherIf your marriage feels stuck, cold, or disconnected, this episode will help you see why. The truth? Your wife isn’t the only issue. Even if she’s distant, critical, or shut down, there’s more going on - and you have more power than you think.
This week, I’m talking about what it really means to take ownership in your relationship - without taking all the blame. I’ll share what emotional leadership looks like, how to shift long-standing dynamics, and why going first might be the most powerful thing you do.
You’ll also...
2025-07-1814 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenThe Hidden Cost of Overworking to Prove Your WorthYou work hard. You provide. You push yourself to do more—because deep down, you’ve been taught that your worth is tied to your productivity.
But what happens when doing more still doesn’t feel like enough?
In this episode, we’re talking about the hidden cost of overworking—how it disconnects you from your family, your peace, and even yourself. I’ll share what I saw in my own marriage, what I hear from nearly every client I work with, and why no amount of praise from your wife or your boss will ever be enou...
2025-07-1112 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhen she Says "You Should Just Know" - What She's Really Trying to Tell YouShe says you should just know. You ask what’s wrong, and she says, “If I have to tell you, it doesn’t count.” You’re trying. You’re not trying to fail. But it feels like you can never get it right.
In this episode of Create More Intimacy, I’m breaking down what’s really going on when your wife says things like that—and why your well-meaning responses might be making it worse. We’ll talk about what she truly wants, why fixing it doesn’t work, and how to build connection without needing to be...
2025-07-0406 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy Waiting for Her to Change Won’t Work (And What Will)If you’ve ever thought, “This would be so much easier if she would just change,” this episode is for you.
You’ve backed off. You’ve done more. You’ve kept the peace. And still - you feel unseen, unwanted, and like you can’t win. So what now?
In this episode, I talk directly to the man who’s feeling stuck. We unpack why waiting for your wife to change doesn’t work, what’s really happening when conversations feel tense or shut down, and how you can start shifting the pa...
2025-06-2709 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenMen Don’t Cry: The Emotional Cost of Shutting DownYou were never taught how to feel - only how to hide.
Maybe it was your dad, your coach, or just the way people looked at you when you got upset… but at some point, you got the message loud and clear: “Toughen up. Don’t cry. Handle it.”
And you did. But that came at a cost.
In this episode, we’re talking about the emotional toll of being taught to shut down - how it shows up in your marriage, your parenting, and your ability to connect. You’ll hear real stor...
2025-06-2010 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenThree Things Your Wife Actually WantsYou want more appreciation, more intimacy, more connection… But what does she want?
In this episode, we’re breaking down the three things your wife actually wants from you - not just in theory, but in your day-to-day dynamic. And no, it’s not about being perfect or guessing right every time.
You’ll learn:
The real reason she seems “checked out” or hard to please
Why your efforts might feel ignored (and what to do about it)
Three shifts that will help her feel emotionally safe and seen again
2025-06-1311 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenYou’re Not Just Arguing - You’re DisconnectingSome couples fight. Others go silent.
Either way - conflict without connection just leaves you both feeling more alone.
In this episode, we’ll break down what’s really happening when your arguments go nowhere (or never even start), and how conflict, handled poorly, pushes emotional intimacy even further out of reach.
You’ll learn:
Why conflict in your relationship often leads to disconnection
The deeper reason you and your wife don’t feel safe talking about the hard stuff
One simple perspective shift that can help you stay...
2025-06-1306 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenNothing Will Change If You Don’tIf you keep hoping your wife will change - how she responds, what she gives, how close she feels - you’ll keep getting stuck.
The truth is, waiting for her to shift first usually leads to resentment, distance, and disappointment.
In this episode, we’re talking about why your marriage won’t change unless you do - and why that’s not a burden, but an opportunity. You’ll learn:
Why she can’t “fix” the dynamic on her own
The difference between external effort and internal change
What to start payin...
2025-06-1307 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhy You Keep Losing It – And What to Do InsteadEver find yourself snapping at your wife - or pulling away - then wondering, “Why did I react like that?”
You don’t want to lose it, but it keeps happening. And afterward, the silence or shame just deepens the disconnect.
In this episode, we’ll unpack what’s really going on underneath those outbursts and emotional shutdowns. You’ll learn:
Why your reactions feel bigger than the moment
How unspoken beliefs about worth and rejection fuel your anger
A better way to handle the tension without making things worse
If you’re tired of the emo...
2025-06-1307 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenIt’s Not Just About Sex - You Want to Feel WantedIn this short opening episode, I want to talk to the man who’s been carrying a quiet frustration.
The one doing his best - but still feeling like the intimacy is gone.
Maybe you’re barely having sex anymore. Maybe conversations feel distant, shallow, or nonexistent. Maybe you feel more like her roommate… or her employee… than her husband.
You’re not crazy for wanting more. You’re not needy. You’re not broken.
In this first episode, I’m laying the foundation for what this podcast is really...
2025-06-1309 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenWhen Jokes Become Criticism and Silence Becomes DistanceLet’s talk about emotional immaturity - and how it’s showing up in the way you communicate.
If you give your wife the silent treatment, if you crack jokes that are actually criticism, if you pull away when things get tense - or explode when you feel cornered - this episode is for you.
These patterns might feel normal… but they’re not harmless. They’re slowly creating the very distance you’re frustrated by.
In this episode, I break down:
What emotional immaturity in communication actually looks like
How it...
2025-06-1308 minCreate More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenHow to Ask for What You Want (Without Feeling Selfish)If you’ve ever felt disappointed on Father’s Day - or any day that was supposed to be about you - this episode is for you.
We’re talking about the quiet frustration that comes from feeling overlooked… and the surprisingly powerful shift that happens when you simply ask for what you want.
In this episode, I’ll share:
Why waiting for someone to “just know” rarely works
A personal story about gift-giving that changed everything
How to ask for what you want in a way that feels confident, not demanding
Simple phrases you can use to s...
2025-06-1309 min
Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for MenStart Here: Why This Podcast Will Change the Way You Think About IntimacyWelcome to the Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men
If your marriage feels distant - like the intimacy is gone, conversations are shallow, or you're more like roommates than lovers - this podcast is for you.
Each week, certified relationship coach Alisa Stoddard shares real talk and practical tools to help high-achieving men create the trust, connection, and intimacy they’ve been missing.
Whether you're dealing with conflict, rejection, silence, or just want to feel wanted again - you're not alone, and you're not broken.
You can rebuild intimacy without beggi...
2025-06-1301 min
The Million Dollar Coach Business Podcast with Amanda Karlstad4X Your Revenue: A Client Case Study with Alisa StoddardLife coach Alisa Stoddard has achieved extraordinary results in her business. Not only is she on track to 4X her revenue in 2023, but she's reaching the multiple-six-figure level while working part-time in her business and maintaining her career outside of coaching. Discover what it takes to 4X your revenue as a part-time business owner. Alisa is sharing what has worked for her, the importance of being fully resilient when trying new things, trusting the process, and not taking her results personally along the way. Get full show notes and more information her...
2023-05-1845 min
Defy ConventionS2:E9 Support for Small Social Impact Businesses with Alisa Herr & Polina PinchevskyAlisa Herr was previously the founding chief technology officer of a media nonprofit and an award-winning web developer at a design agency. She has an MS in library science from UNC Chapel Hill, and a BS in psychology from Appalachian State University where she graduated summa cum laude. Alisa lives on the Raleigh Durham line with her husband, two sons, and cat and she was most recently recognized by the North Carolina Business Council with the 2020 leadership and business Sustainability Award.
Polina Pinchevsky is co-founder and creative director of RoundPeg Benefit. It's a creative agency that works...
2022-04-0835 min
TransformerGirlA Bit of Encouragement"Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the Spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world." -1 John 4:1This episode is also available as a blog post: http://transformergirl.blog/2022/01/21/a-bit-of-encouragement/Some of the wise teachers I've found and enjoy listening to: Mike Winger Justin Peters Chris Rosebrough Steven & Paulette Kozar Dawn Hill Doreen Virtue Alisa Childers Melissa Dougherty
2022-02-0602 min