Shows
Ballroom State of Mind126. Motivation KillersAfter pushing forward from Newcomer to Open American Rhythm in 5 years, I have been feeling the fatigue. Am I tired? Burned out? Unmotivated? Being burned out is just one of many reasons you might find yourself unmotivated. In this episode, we provide 8 common reasons amateur and pro/am ballroom dancers, or any dancers for that matter, might find it hard to be motivated:-Comparison-Perfectionism-Unclear or unrealistic expectations-Lack of visible progress-Negative self-talk-Over-reliance on external validation-Burnout-Fear o...2025-05-0931 min
Ballroom State of Mind125. Self TrustAll dancers can relate to wanting to be more confident. If we could just dance more confidently, with less anxiety and more freedom we could finally show up as the dancer that we want to.But as a ballroom dancer, standing on deck, ready to go on the floor, feeling all of that anxiety and pressure to please our partner, teacher, and/or ourselves, the pressure can prove to be too much. We might think that we want to be calm, or relaxed. This week I want to try on the idea that what we...2025-04-1929 min
Ballroom State of Mind94. Life Skills: The 50/50While we all know that life is sometimes not fair and we will all face a certain amount of struggle and negativity, we will act confused when we actually go through it. We say things like, "Why is this happening to me? What is going on? What is going wrong?"
The reality is that life is what I call, 50/50. It's good and bad, hard and easy, fun and not fun, etc. Everything has it's opposite and duality is a fact of life. When we resist what is and think that the negative things shouldn't happen, we actually...2024-04-0323 min
Ballroom State of Mind93. Contingency PlansIn episode 92 we imagined situations going perfectly in order to get solid, confidence building mental reps. No mistakes allowed!
But we all know mistakes and unexpected things can happen, and it's it best to prepare for them?
The answer is yes.
There is a time and place for perfect reps and there is a time and place for contingency plans. In this episode, I give guidance on how to do this constructively rather than catastrophize and hope for the best.
We incorporate the power of visualization into this as well to f...2024-03-2822 min
Ballroom State of Mind92. Mental RehearsalSome people call it mental rehearsal, some visualization and others envisioning. Whatever you call it, high performers know it is a powerful tool to increase your level of preparation and even your skills.
Since the brain doesn't distinguish between someone happening in real life or if it's imagined, it's your chance to program your mind and body for what you want to execute. In this episode, we talk about what it is but also tips on how to make it more powerful. Then I give an example of what it might look like.
The main...2024-03-2131 min
Ballroom State of Mind91. PoliticsGood grief! Politics in dance! Is there anything in this world that doesn't involve some type of politics?
This episode was prompted by a comment on social media where a dancer was lamenting that they could not be successful because of the politics in dance. What a powerless place to be, right?
The short answer is to let it go and focus on the things that you can control. But many of us need a little more help letting it go. So in this episode, we bring up some points that will help you come...2024-03-1322 min
Ballroom State of Mind90. Word SwitchesWords are powerful. The way you use them can determine how you feel and the energy with with you operate in the world.
As one example, when your brain offers you a lot of thoughts that start with, "what if..." it leads to feelings of uncertainty, doubt, defensiveness, etc. But if you switch "what if" with "even if" then something shifts. Even if...then I can...(or I will..., or I know...).
"Even if..." is more empowering and leads to us thinking of a contingency plan.
Thinking..."I can't..." could be replaced with "...2024-03-0818 min
Ballroom State of Mind89. Holding Yourself BackIn this episode, we visit some of the ways we hold ourselves back. The primary reason for that is ultimately our brain trying to keep us safe so we can survive the best we can. To do that, we need to avoid pain...even emotional pain. Most of what we try to accomplish today is going to probably lead to some pain, so don't be surprised that you're holding back in those instances.
To overcome this, consider that the worst thing that can happen is a feeling. So what if we could just get better at tolerating...2024-03-0233 min
Ballroom State of Mind88. Life Skills: Emotional AdulthoodIn this episode, I bring you a life coaching tool called Emotional Adulthood. Listeners love the podcasts that they can apply to the rest of their lives outside of dance, so this one is for YOU!
When we are in Emotional Childhood, we are operating more like children in our emotional lives. It is characterized by a relinquishing of responsibility for how we feel and act. In this state, you would find yourself making other people responsible for how you feel. You are unhappy because your spouse doesn't text you enough during the day. You are angry...2024-02-1719 min
Ballroom State of Mind87. 4 Steps to Emotional RegulationThis episode is all about how to actually settle yourself down when your nervous system has been triggered. Often when we stop and try to "take some deep breaths" to help bring ourselves back to reality, it doesn't seem to work very well. Sometimes this is because when we take this approach, we might actually be resisting our emotions rather than processing them.
In this episode I give you 4 steps (and an informal 5th step) to give you a framework to help inform your brain that you are actually just fine.
Here are the steps:2024-02-0719 min
Ballroom State of Mind86. When You Just Don't Dance WellIt can't be avoided. At some point, you will have a performance that just doesn't go well. You will have days where your dancing is just...off. Even if you do everything that you can to plan, prepare and mitigate issues, there will be times you just walk away knowing it just wasn't your best dancing.
And we have to live with that.
In this episode, I tell the story of my recent Nightclub night at a competition and how I just didn't dance well.
Then I offer some Dos and Don'ts to...2024-02-0120 min
Ballroom State of Mind85. Are You a Good Dancer?Many of my clients do what they do with their dancing because, "they just want to be a good dancer." But what does that even mean? Often they aren't really sure, they just know it's not what they are right now.
Why are we so resistant to believing we are a good dancer? What is the danger in believing that? Maybe it's not even a good idea to wish for this for ourselves, at least not in the way we do it now.
In this episode, we talk about why we might not believe we...2024-01-2421 min
Ballroom State of Mind84. Build Your Confidence BankWhile we all say we want to feel more confident, we spend a lot of mental energy proving to ourselves why we are lacking and not good enough. We rehearse our shortcomings and remind ourselves of the mistakes we have made in the past. I'm not sure why we think it's a mystery that we feel doubtful and lack confidence.
In this episode, I teach you what a confidence bank is and how to build it. In short, rather than rehearsing and reminding yourself why you aren't good enough, you need to start taking an accounting of...2024-01-1633 min
Ballroom State of Mind83. Plateaus Are Not a ProblemHave you ever stopped to realize that nothing is really a problem unless you think it is a problem? This is why some things can really bother someone else but not bother you.
As I work with clients in my private practice, so many things that we think are a problem are actually just normal development. We just don't like how it's going. But it IS totally normal actually. If we can make peace with things not being a problem, we can reduce the negativity and judgment by at least half. And then all that we are...2024-01-0417 min
Ballroom State of Mind82. Dressing Your Alter Ego with Irene WongEnjoy this interview with Irene Wong: mom of 3, entrepreneur, and 16 year pro-am competitor! She shares her journey on her YouTube channel, "Everything Ballroom, and co-owns Dancewear Works, a designer dress company supplying dresses and menswear to ballroom competitors. In her words, "I'm on a mission to make dancewear accessible to all."
In addition to her love for dance, she is also a proud distributor of Nu Skin products, which we talk a little bit about in this episode.
We talk in this episode about choosing a dress, creating a character that can help draw...2023-12-2826 min
Ballroom State of Mind81. This Isn't About Dancing At AllFew people understand what it really means to pursue dancing. We go through a lot of things and it changes us. I can't find the words to describe this episode, so just go listen and enjoy! Merry Christmas!
Join Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group HERE for more help and free content to benefit your dance experience!
Book a free Dance Strategy Call HERE to take charge of your dance mindset for good.2023-12-2114 min
Ballroom State of Mind80. You Are Not BackslidingInevitably, when a client has had a lot of change in a short amount of time, they feel like they are "cured." They feel like they have a handle on their mind and emotions so much better, but then something comes up that triggers them.
This is a moment when they think they are backsliding. This isn't true at all. Listen in to this episode to hear how this is totally normal, you aren't backsliding, and in fact, that means you are right where you should be. 2023-12-1719 min
Ballroom State of Mind79. Arrogance, Confidence and HumilityWe want to be confident, right? But not too confident. Not arrogant. Not cocky. But also I want feel powerful and celebrate my success, but also still be humble.
Have you taken the time to sift through all these? You should because if you want to be confident and maximize your potential, you might be holding yourself back in the name of preventing arrogance or trying to remain humble.
Listen in for some ideas on this that mostly come from Craig Manning, Mental Strength Coach for BYU athletics.
Here are the 5 ideas we...2023-12-0623 min
Ballroom State of Mind78. Narrowing Your FocusThis episode outlines one way to narrow your focus. It is a continuation of episode 77 and gives you a 3-part framework to narrow your focus---and WHAT to focus on--in situations like practice, lessons and competitions.
Before you get to the framework, you must do some data collection, also called evaluation. Evaluating will help you know where to apply your attention.
After you have the data you need, apply it to the following framework:
1. Objectives--overarching things we want to accomplish/goals
2. Skillsets--what skillsets are needed to accomplish said objectives?
3. Cues-what 2...2023-12-0127 min
Ballroom State of Mind77. What is Relevant to Your DancingThere are some things that are relevant to your dancing and other things that just aren't. We tend to spend a lot of energy, time and attention on things that aren't relevant and it holds us back, delays progress, exhausts us and distracts from our performance.
In this episode we talk about focusing on what is relevant and NOT focusing on what is NOT relevant.
A quick list of what is not relevant might include:
--the past
--the future
--other people's actions
--other people's thoughts and feelings2023-11-2331 min
Ballroom State of Mind76. Stop Wishing Away your Nerves"Ugh! Why am I still so nervous?! Why won't those go away?!" Ummmm, well, because you are human and you care about what you are doing so they will probably never go away.
But I have good news: You don't need them to go away! If fact, with the right perspective you will see they are actually good and meant to help you!
At some point you associated the nervous feeling with something bad. But what if it doesn't mean that at all? What if it just means your body is helping you be energized...2023-11-1018 min
Ballroom State of Mind75. PartnerlessIt can be super hard to cope when you are without a ballroom dance partner. After all, this is partner dancing. We don't really want to do it alone!
In this episode I give you some ideas on how to cope, but taking any of those actions is going to be 10x harder if we are doing it from a defeated mindset. So first things first, be mindful (pun intended) of your perspective. The thoughts you think are largely responsible for the experience you are having rather that the situation itself. Thinking "my progress is stalled," "I...2023-11-0330 min
Ballroom State of Mind74. Are You Coachable?Coachability is probably one of the traits that will 10x your progress. After all, if you hire a teacher or coach to help you and then you push back, question and resist their expertise, what are we even doing here?
Yet I see it often...dancers in a lesson, questions semantics or the way they are teaching a certain figure or concept. A lot of time and energy is wasted on these kinds of interactions and it sows seeds of disrespect in the dynamic. No one likes to be hired for their expertise and then be told...2023-10-2719 min
Ballroom State of Mind73. Why Are We Doing This Again?It's hard to put a lot of time, effort and money towards our dancing and then have a competition yield poor results and feel like an utter failure. It's not uncommon to ask the question, "Why are we doing this again?"
When this comes up with clients, I like to draw a pie chart and fill it up with all the reasons we are dancing and/or competing. If results is the biggest piece that takes up most of the chart, and there is but a small sliver for everything else, you will perpetually be jerked around...2023-10-2015 min
Ballroom State of Mind72. Hook Up Your Future SelfYou may not realize that you have a past, present and future self. Your past self makes plans, then your present self carries them out (or not) and then your future self gets to enjoy the results. At least, it's really interesting to think about it this way.
Consider that if all three are in alignment, you get a lot of results! But somehow, that's not how it works out. We often look back with regret with what our past self did or didn't do. When our past self doesn't eat the sugar, we get to lose...2023-10-1132 min
Ballroom State of Mind71. Your Relationship with your BodyThe ballroom industry has a component that is all about aesthetics. Your "look" matters. So if you don't like how you look in general, it's going to hold you back. Add on that a healthy dose of perfectionism and odds are you don't have the best relationship with your body. You might not have realized that you even have a relationship with your body, but you do.
Think about how you treat your body, talk to your body, think about your body and figure out how you would describe that relationship. If it's at all critical, toxic...2023-10-0418 min
Ballroom State of Mind70. How Snorkeling is Just Like DancingRecently in Hawaii for the Hawaii Star Ball, my daughter and I went snorkeling. As I started snorkeling, I felt my nervous system being activated and it took longer than I expected for it to settle down. I started to notice how similar it is to dancing when you have an activated nervous system.
Listen in to see what I mean and for a simple process to start to settle yourself down if you are freaking out just a little.
Join Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group HERE
Book a Dance Strategy Call HERE2023-09-2919 min
Ballroom State of Mind69. Breaking up a PartnershipBreaking up is hard to do. Breaking up a dance partnership is no different. While the nature of a teacher/student dance relationship is business related and transactional, it can still be difficult and emotional.
In this episode, we talk about the reasons people choose to leave their dance teacher, why it's so hard and how to approach the conversation for the best outcome we can hope for.
Join Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group HERE
Book a Dance Strategy Call HERE2023-09-2132 min
Redefine Business Podcast With Brittni SchroederAmber Haider the Mindset Coach for DancersAmber Haider the Mindset Coach for Dancers is an expert at helping ballroom dancers free themselves from mental and emotional drama so they can get better faster, have more fun and own the competition floor. Not only ballroom dancers, but any dancer or sport that competes could find her coaching helpful! On episode. 80 of the podcast, we delve into how Amber became a dance mindset coach, niching down, imposter syndrome and more. I’m so excited to have the opportunity to talk to Amber Haider about her journey to becoming a mindset coach or dancers! REDE...2023-09-2022 min
Ballroom State of Mind68. BurnoutIn this episode, we discuss 3 kinds of dance burnout that you might be experiencing. They go hand in hand, overlap and influence each other of course, but listen in to find insight and tips for overcoming your dance burnout.
Physical burnout is pretty self explanatory...but it might surprise you to learn that it's the least likely to be the problem.
Mental burnout is due to how you are thinking, or more importantly what you are thinking about and how you are spending your brain juice. Spinning on stuff that doesn't matter...2023-09-1529 min
Ballroom State of Mind67. How to Stop Overthinking so You Can Actually DanceI get asked this question all the time! All we want to do is just let go and dance, buy why must our brains think so much and get in the way? While I would love to give you a quick and dirty solution, the truth isn't so simple. The solution happens in a process and that process happens between comps over time. It might not be what you want to hear, but solving for the REASONS for the overthinking means you won't have to deal with it quite so much.
I see two big reasons people...2023-09-0227 min
Ballroom State of Mind66. We Can Do Hard ThingsHave you ever had the experience of standing in front of 11 ballroom judges at a ballroom competition and having them hold up paddles with the number of placing they are giving you? In front of all the spectators and dancers and cameras and everything? No? Well I can tell you it makes you want to barf.
In this podcast I tell you about my experience at the NV Ball and qualifying for the Grand Prix and all I endured in making it happen. I'll spoil the ending and tell you we didn't win (shocker) but that isn't...2023-08-2529 min
Ballroom State of Mind65. Don't Fear your FeelingsIn this quickie of an episode, I encourage you to believe in your ability to feel negative emotion. Our society has made it easy to escape your feelings and so perhaps you have not seen enough evidence that you can totally handle yourself. Rather than fear your feelings, believe in your ability to feel them. Everything you want is on the other side of being willing to feel uncomfortable emotions. Let's go!
Join Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group HERE
Book a Dance Strategy Call HERE2023-08-1211 min
Ballroom State of Mind64. Shifting into New GearsIf you are dancing and practicing and feeling like you suck, congratulations! This means that you are living at your leading edge. If you were only willing to stay with what you know and be in your comfort zone, you wouldn't grow into the magnificent dancer you are capable of being. If you feel uncomfortable it means you are willing to do what it takes to get better.
When you are working at this leading edge, you will need to shift into new gears. In this episode, I use this metaphor to teach you what it feels...2023-08-0721 min
Ballroom State of Mind63. What You Make Results MeanDancers can really struggle with results. I certainly know dancers who have told me they quit because they simply couldn't mentally handle poor results. There are a couple of reasons that I have encountered that I think make us uncomfortable with our results.
1. You think results are objective, or at least they should be. In your mind you keep trying to make sense of it and make it concrete.
Your results are subjective. They just are. If for no other reason, they are Stop wanting them to be objective. Here are just some of the...2023-07-2623 min
Ballroom State of Mind62. Coping with an InjuryBeing physically injured is hard enough without also having all the emotional fallout. In this episode we give voice to some of what we might experience emotionally with a dance injury, but then we also talk about coping strategies to help you get through it.
Here are the 6 points that you can consider to help you in your recovery from a dance injury.
1. Acceptance. Accept that you are injured and that you have to slow down. Resistance to what is will slow your recovery. Stress, tension, impatience are all understandable but detrimental to your ability...2023-07-1527 min
Ballroom State of Mind61. InsecurityUgh! Insecurity! It feels terrible. How can we make it go away?!
In this episode, I talk about what it's about, how to loosen it up for you and finally how to work through it. Here are the seven "steps" to work through it.
1. Be aware it's happening. Be aware that there is a moment where your insecurity comes up and things shift in you. The knee-jerk response is to avoid or get away from it or blame it on something or someone outside of you. Awareness is where we begin. Do you know when...2023-07-0741 min
Ballroom State of Mind60. Why Compete if You Don't Win?Some people are really uncomfortable with competition. It seems divisive and creates a hierarchy where someone has to end up feeling bad about themselves.
Some people avoid competition for this reason. Others compete even though they agree with his model, but are stressed and anxious the whole time because their self worth is on the line.
Another group competes but rebels against this model by not trying to their fullest. That way if they lose, it didn't count because they didn't try anyway.
But I wonder if there is a way to compete w...2023-06-2622 min
Ballroom State of Mind59. Are You a Player or a Victim?In this episode we ask the question, "Are you a player or a victim?"
We talk about what that means, why you might be stuck in victim mode, and some strategies to get yourself out.
Referenced in this podcast:
Ninja Selling by Larry Kendall
Conscious Business by Fred Kaufman
Book a Dance Strategy Call HERE
Join Joyful Ballroom HERE2023-06-1421 min
The Dancing Housewife PodcastEp. 10 The Brains Behind Ballroom State of Mind with Amber HaiderAmber Haider is a wife and mother of four children. She is a fitness enthusiast and instructor, helps manage her husband’s dental practice, is a certified life coach and the brains behind the Ballroom State of Mind podcast. As if that’s not enough to keep her busy, she’s also a competitive ballroom dancer! She joins me today to discuss how competitive ballroom dancing collided with her work a certified life coach, inspiring her to create a ballroom-specific coaching niche and the Ballroom State of Mind podcast.
To enrich the lives of her clients, Amber underwe...2023-06-1215 min
Ballroom State of Mind58. Watching Yourself on VideoWatching yourself dance on video can be excruciating! But it's a skill I think you should develop. In this podcast, I offer the reasons I think we hate it so much, why you should do it anyway, and how to approach the process to make it easier on yourself.
Reasons we don't like watching ourselves dance on video:
1. Our negatively biased brain makes is a negative experience
Your brain is great at pointing out what is wrong, where the flaws and imperfections are, and it does it in a disproportionate amount compared to...2023-06-0324 min
Ballroom State of Mind57: How to Stop Being So Negative"Why am I so negative all the time?!"
Ever noticed how you are being negative about your negativity? This episode addresses negativity so you can make peace with it, get over it, and move on with an intentional, more forward moving mindset.
The stages you might go through as you work on this are the following:
Stage 1: Unintentional or unconscious negativity--You get swept up in it and it carries you away. You don't even notice it has happened. But you probably feel drained a lot of the time. You are...2023-05-2223 min
Ballroom State of Mind56. What I Love about Small CompetitionsA small competition might seem like a waste of time and/or money because you might not have a lot of competitors to compete against. But not so fast! In this episode I want to share just 4 reasons I love small competitions.
While I wouldn't do exclusively small competitions or make that the main gig that I do, there is a lot of value to be had in a small comp and you can totally leverage it and use it as a tool to benefit you.
Reason #1 I love...2023-05-1513 min
Ballroom State of Mind55. Self One and Self TwoIn the book The Inner Game of Tennis, we learn about the concept of Self One and Self Two. Anyone who has tried to get themselves to do anything can relate to this concept. There is a Self One who instructs and a Self Two who carries out the action. The relationship between these two matters a lot. This is especially because Self Two is actually VERY capable of learning and applying things very quickly so long as Self One doesn't slow it down by micromanaging it. Which Self One really likes to do.
Listen in to...2023-05-0625 min
Ballroom State of Mind54. The River of MiseryThe River of Misery is what I call that transition place between where you are now and where you want to get to in your life.
Becoming a new version of yourself, or even just a better dancer, requires some hard work. Your brain has to work harder to break old habits and patterns and create new ones. So it tries to stop you and keep you where you are.
The River of Misery feels like work.
And there’s a lot of back-and-forth. There will be good days, and successes, but also ti...2023-04-2911 min
Ballroom State of Mind53. Overcoming PerfectionismWe talked about the darkside of perfectionism in podcast #51 recently, and so now it's time to talk about how to overcome it.
1. Watch yourself. Pay attention to the parts of perfectionism that you like and those you don't. Sift through them so you know what parts can continue to serve you and what parts we want to change. For example, let's keep working hard, wanting to be really good and excellent and also paying attention to details and trying our best. But let's maybe let go of the harsh inner critic, the intolerance for anything less than...2023-04-2427 min
Ballroom State of Mind52. Dance Chat with Forrest VanceMy first interview! Yay! I'm thrilled to bring you this chat with Forrest Vance, an icon in the Ballroom Dancesport industry.
Forrest Vance is a highly accomplished dancer, teacher, coach, consultant, choreographer, and adjudicator with a career spanning over four decades. He holds all levels of certification and examinations in American and International styles in multiple dance instruction organizations like FADS, NDCA and more. His extensive experience in the industry has made him a valuable resource for top professionals, prom-am and amateur couples.
Forrest's impressive dance career includes numerous championships in American Rhythm and Latin c...2023-04-1441 minBallroom State of Mind51. The Dark Side of PerfectionismPerfectionism seems so useful. It seems good. It's all about excellence and being the best we can be at something, right? Kind of. There are good parts of perfectionism--the hard work, attention to detail, concientiousness, and high motivation. When perfectionists do accomplish things, it is pretty impressive, right?
But the parts of perfectionism that are NOT good are the ones that differentiate perfectionism from simply healthy striving. In this episode I give seven hallmarks of perfectionism. It's not an exhaustive list, but some of the things I see a lot in my perfectionist ballroom dance clients.
2023-04-0618 min
Ballroom State of Mind50. Cheating on Yourself with Your Own PotentialSaying you have so much potential seems like such a nice thing to say. But have you noticed how it can also mean that you aren't good enough now? That if you could just be better then we could be satisfied?
Dancers spend way too much time focusing on what they lack. They look to the future and what could be and then feel bad about where they are now. This is a huge disservice that you are doing to yourself because it puts you in such a weak position. It puts you in a one-down position...2023-03-2926 min
Ballroom State of Mind49. The Ways We TrainWhen dancers are thinking about how to train, I think it's pretty obvious what the standard methods are. Take lessons, practice on your own, participate in outside coaching, do some group lessons, workshops, social dancing, and perform or compete regularly. Not a mystery.
What I want to talk about today are ways you can train that you might not have thought of. These are ways that you can use your regular life experiences to help change you as a person from the inside out. They can make you stronger, more resilient, and give you an edge over...2023-03-1930 minBallroom State of Mind48. Your Alter EgoIn this episode, I introduce the tool known as the Alter Ego. This concept came from the book The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman.
This is a useful tool if you have limiting beliefs about what is possible for you, if you have a story about yourself that you just can't shake, or if you have tried and tried to show up differently at competitions but you just can't seem to do it.
Many high performers, famous people, etc, have used an alter ego to help them reach new levels by tapping into parts...2023-03-1128 min
Ballroom State of Mind47. ConfidenceEveryone wants more confidence.
What is confidence anyway? Everyone likely has their own definition of what that looks like and what it means.
I recommend that if you want more confidence, you get more specific about what you mean by that. Get a good idea in your head so that you know who it is you are trying to be. What is that confident version of you thinking, feeling and doing?
But maybe more importantly, why are they able to show up that way?
I see confidence as two different types...2023-02-2525 min
Ballroom State of Mind46. Dealing with Your EmotionsSometimes when you have been working on your mindset, you can find yourself in a time when it doesn't seem to be working.
You can be trying all the tools and concepts and trying to change things, but it feels hard and you might think you're doing something wrong.
Well, you aren't. But you might just be resisting your emotions and using mindset work to try to bypass them. How will you know?
Well if the mindset work and trying the tools isn't working, and you find yourself saying things like "I don't...2023-02-1722 min
Ballroom State of Mind45. When you Get Tough FeedbackSchedule a free Dance Strategy Call HERE
How many of you have had the experience where you have just finished a performance of some kind, and you run up to someone who watched it and asked, “What did you think?” and then they proceeded to make a negative comment? "Uhhh it was fine. Wasn’t your best performance but it was pretty good."
Tough feedback is hard. We’ve all had it. Even those people who you think are so good and so skilled, have had hard feedback. So what do we do with that?
I...2023-02-0813 min
Ballroom State of Mind44. Subtractive ThinkingSubtractive thinking is one of the simplest things that you can change to have a big impact on your mental toughness. Subtractive thinking are just thoughts that take away from you. They start with words like, "I can't..." "I'm not..." "I don't know how to..." "I'm not able to...".
These thoughts are sneaky because it seems like you are just telling me the news...just describing what is. But these simple, tricky little thoughts can start a cascade of problems that lead to a train wreck if you aren't careful.
We discuss what mental toughness...2023-02-0522 min
Ballroom State of Mind43. Learn to Love the ProcessThe person who loves walking will walk further than the man who loves the destination.
Everyone loves a good result. Everyone loves the fulfillment of a finished product. But if you don't fall in love with the process, the odds of you getting that finished product are vastly reduced. And if you don't reward yourself along the way, you'll quit prematurely.
The best strategy I can offer to you is to learn to love the process. You can love the results too, but it’s loving the process that will get you to those results th...2023-01-2817 min
Ballroom State of Mind42. 4 Stages of MasteryBook a Dance Strategy Call HERE
How do you dance freely and expressively and also think about all the things you are supposed to be doing with your body? The short answer is you really can't. The part of your brain that has to think through things and concentrate to make them happen is minimal. We want to delegate as much as we can to the part of our brain that does actions automatically without much thought. The more we can delegate there, the better. That's what you call muscle memory or automaticity.
You engage i...2023-01-1128 min
Ballroom State of Mind41. Powerful Self-talkBook a Dance Strategy call HERE
Don't roll your eyes at the subject of self-talk.
Your self-talk is a large part of your everyday experience and has a lot to do with your ability to get the results that you want in your life.
Self-talk is the voice you hear all day. It can be used for good or evil. When your inner voice is on default, how does it sound? Do you even know? If you start to pay attention, you might come to realize just how poorly you treat yourself.
T...2023-01-0523 min
Ballroom State of Mind40. Task vs EgoBook a Dance Strategy Call here
Sometimes I call it MATH and DRAMA In this podcast I am calling it TASK vs EGO. These are two mindset states that we as dancers tend to be in.
In the case of a task-oriented mindset, we are focused on what needs to be done. There are certain traits associated with this mindset that turn out to be very useful. You persist at tasks longer, you enjoy the process more, and you perform better under pressure...among other things.
In an ego-oriented mindset, you focus more...2022-12-3022 min
Ballroom State of Mind39. Obstacles and StrategiesClick here to book a free Dance Strategy Call
Click here to find Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group
The brain is so good at identifying problems. This is good since it helps us survive better as humans. However, we tend to get stuck in our problems. We become problem-focused. We stay stuck in the fact that we have a problem, talk about it, find evidence for it, etc, when we could just move to a solution.
One issue might be that we are lamenting that we have a problem in the first place, as...2022-12-2022 min
Ballroom State of Mind38. Be the Boss of Your CompFree Dance Strategy Call HERE
Rather than go into your comp feeling nervous, defensive, and worried that something bad is going to happen, I recommend you get into a more empowered headspace.
You can do that by giving the competition a job. A competition is there for you to use as a tool. You can use it for your purposes. This will give your mind something productive to focus on which will help prevent it from spinning out and at the same time, make you feel like you are acting on the comp instead of...2022-12-1326 min
Ballroom State of Mind37. When You Are Feeling JealousTo feel jealous is human. But then what? Because feeling jealous can feel pretty terrible and sometimes it feels hard to let it go.
In this episode, we unpack whether you are feeling jealousy or envy toward other dancers (hint: they are not the same thing!) and what that means for you.
Envy is more of a 2-person emotion where someone has something that you want. Jealous is more of a 3-person situation where you already feel like you have something but feel a threat of losing it to a rival. In dance we can...2022-12-0927 min
Ballroom State of Mind36. 7 Areas of Mental StrengthFor a free Dance Strategy Call, go here.
As I have worked with ballroom dance clients, themes have emerged. Today I share 7 areas that you can take a look at to measure how you are doing with mental strength in your dancing. This isn't a complete list and I'm sure it will evolve over time, but it's a good place to start.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 to get a baseline, then start improving in some of these areas. Periodically check in and measure again to see how you are coming along.
2022-12-0131 min
Ballroom State of Mind35. When You Don't Reach Your Goalsamberhaider.com
Goals have the power to either stress you out or motivate you. Some people avoid setting goals all together and some live for it. In this episode, we talk about why a goal might be stressful and how to choose more motivating goals.
The most surprising this about this episode, though, might be that the purpose of the goal isn't to actually accomplish it. Listen in to find out how that could be. 2022-11-2419 min
"The Fruit Snacks Podcast" with Emily Wardrop, the T1D Moms CoachMom Fulfillment with Amber HaiderAmber and I are gonna start the "vibrant hair coaching club" 😉
Amber Haider is no hater! She is full of love and fun and she shares her story of always wanting to be a SAHM but not loving it like she thought she would and her journey to now loving life to the max!
Listen in especially if you are feeling unfulfilled in your role as Mommy and you feel bad about that. You think you should be happy and loving life since this is the most important gig there is, then why do you feel...2022-11-1032 min
Ballroom State of Mind34. Be Willing to Be BadSo many of us don't want to look bad. It makes sense. None of us want to feel embarrassed or look silly. We don't want people to judge us or think less of us. But when it comes to dancing, if you are willing to look bad, you will suddenly find yourself getting very good very quickly.
When you avoid looking bad, you will avoid situations where people will see you stumbling or faltering. This will include practicing any time other people might be around. This also might include things like group classes or workshops or even co...2022-11-0915 min
Ballroom State of Mind33. Getting Over MistakesJoin Joyful Ballroom HERE
One of the most common things I hear from clients is, "I just don't want to make a mistake," or "I don't want to f*** up," or "I don't want to mess up."
Another friend in our Joyful Ballroom Facebook Group asked how to get over a bad performance.
These concepts are similar and I want to give you some help around this in this episode.
The reason we are terrified of making mistakes is because of what we are making the mistakes mean. Some people make...2022-11-0417 minBallroom State of Mind32. Self Doubt and Self BeliefSelf doubt and self belief cannot occupy your mind and the same time.
Where self doubt can come on as a reaction to what has happened, and then cause you to spin out of control, self belief doesn't happen by chance. Self belief is a choice you make. Whereas confidence can come after you have successfully accomplished something, self belief needs no evidence. It is a choice you make when there is no evidence to prove you can do it. It's a belief in you...in your ability to perservere and make things happen. It's a belief i...2022-10-2519 min
Ballroom State of Mind31. Clean and Dirty PainBook a Dance Strategy Call here.
Join Joyful Ballroom here.
Pain is inevitable in life. We keep trying to avoid it but it doesn't work.
In this episode, we sift through clean and dirty pain so you can see what pain is worth dealing with and what part is unnecessary. The good news is that the unnecessary pain is created by us so we can stop generating it.
Clean pain is constructive and necessary and moves you through an experience. It makes sense and we don't need to fear it.
D...2022-10-1423 min
Ballroom State of Mind30. Things We All Go ThroughIt helps to know you aren't alone. In this episode, I reveal many of the things that have come up in dance strategy calls and sessions with clients.
Enjoy these confessions of amateur ballroom dancers!
Click here to schedule a free Dance Strategy Call2022-10-0714 min
Ballroom State of Mind29. The Whip and the CarrotTo book a Dance Strategy Call, go here.
To watch a training video: The 2 step Process to Start Competing Better, go here.
When we want to motivate ourselves to do better, how do we do that exactly? Most people I talk to use a "whip". They try to be hard on themselves, punish themselves for shortcomings, and use forceful or negative self-talk to get themselves moving. We seem to prefer fear, judgment, shame, and guilt to do the job.
These are terrible motivators, however. They only work in the short-term, feel terrible, and...2022-09-2819 min
Ballroom State of Mind28. Your Two BrainsThe key to managing your mind might just be found in this concept: you kind of have two brains.
You have a primitive lower brain that is responsible for your survival, and a higher prefrontal cortex that's responsible for planning, organizing and higher levels of cognition. You need both of these parts of your brain.
Your lower brain makes sure you stay alive by tending to the most important things: seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and conserving energy. The problem with this part of your brain though, is it can feel like you are at the me...2022-09-2218 min
Ballroom State of Mind27. Your Future SelfHow do you become a different version of yourself? How do you actually change?
This episode is the third in a series about that very subject. In episode 24 we learned how to identify our patterns that might not be serving us. Episode 25 talked about how to interrupt that pattern, and this episode is all about living into the new version of you.
In between a stimulus and response is a pause. That pause is where we can choose to show up differently.
We talk in this episode about using the Self-Awareness Model from...2022-09-1524 min
Ballroom State of Mind26. The Reality of TalentThere will always be people who are better than you. They are more talented, they learn faster, they seemingly succeed more than you and everybody else. Our brain thinks this a problem. But it's a problem you can't solve. You can't make it so there is never anyone better than you.
I offer you three tips to deal with this.
1--Accept it. Accept that there are people better than you. It's a fact. Resisting it won't make it go away. Fighting it will backfire. Just accept it.
2--Ask yourself, "SO WHAT?!" What does t...2022-08-3126 min
Ballroom State of Mind25. Interrupt YourselfTo learn more about how to get more help, click here
The greatest tool in your arsenal for personal change is "the pause." When you interrupt an old pattern and pause, you give yourself a chance to make a different choice.
In this episode, we follow up from the previous episode where we talked about the model and how to gain self awareness. Once you are aware of your patterns, it's time to interrupt them.
As you do this work, you can expect to go through 3 stages.
In the first stage...2022-08-1615 min
Ballroom State of Mind24. How to Hack Yourself--The ModelTo learn more about how to work together privately, click here.
To hack yourself and become the person that you want to become, you need to do three things.
First, learn your current patterns for how you show up in the world.
Second, you interrupt the old patterns
Lastly, you build the new and live-in to the person that you want to be
This podcast focuses on discovering your current patterns. I teach you the best tool for self awareness. Once you are aware of your patterns, you can c...2022-08-0922 min
Ballroom State of Mind23. Mindset Basics: You are the Creator of your ExperienceThis is the first in a series of mindset basics that apply to everyone.
The first concept/tool I want to offer is that what you think isn't true. We all think that our thoughts are just true. But they are not inherently true. Two people can experience the same facts and come to different conclusions entirely. Each person would think their version is the truth. And it is. To them.
Thoughts are not facts.
Facts are facts. Everyone would agree that the facts are facts. There would be no dispute. The temperature be...2022-06-2819 min
Ballroom State of Mind22. You are ExceptionalIt's time to just speak some truth into you.
So many dancers get so hard on themselves and start to forget just how amazing they are. So in this episode I just want to cheerlead you for a minute.
It's short and sweet but I want to show you just some of the ways that you are truly exceptional. 2022-06-2304 min
Ballroom State of Mind21. What to do with InterferenceIn this follow up podcast episode to #16 Interference, we discuss what to do about the interference you experience in your dancing.
In episode 16 we introduced being aware of what interference are a problem for you, how they affect your life and how you show up, and began dis-identifying, or de-personalizing, with them.
In this episode, we discuss what to do next.
Step one--Awareness--Become aware of what interferences are a problem for you and how they affect your dancing.
Step two--Commitment-- Assess your commitment level. Do you really want to change this?...2022-06-1823 min
Latter-day Life Coaches77. The Importance of Sharing Your Talents with Amber HaiderGod has blessed each of us with unique and specific talents and abilities that He not only expects us to use but needs us to use so that we can continue to grow and become who He sent us to earth to be. All too often as mothers we can bury those talents for the sake of others but then are we just like the servant in the parable that buried his talent only to have it taken away? Coach Amber Haider feels that God doesn’t send us women here to be mothers and once that ro...2022-06-1440 min
Ballroom State of Mind20. Do It Before You're ReadyWhen a competition is approaching, my friends will ask me, "Are you excited for your next competition?" And while I am usually excited, it is mixed with a hefty side of "I don't feel ready." I kind of laugh and say, "I don't feel ready, but I'll take what I got and see how we do." Truly I am not too upset about this. I used to think it was a problem to not be "ready."
I finally decided one day that I will probably always feel not ready. I don't feel ready because in the back o...2022-06-0714 min
Ballroom State of Mind19. What you're really scared ofThere are lots of things to fear in the ballroom world. Some things my clients offer up in sessions are: forgetting choreography, losing timing, messing up, falling down, fainting, not making finals, not placing, not winning, scoring poorly, judges marks, disappointing coaches and teachers, wasting their time.
But I want to simplify this for you. The thing that you really fear isn't any of the above. The only thing we really fear is a feeling. If you dug a little in any of the above, you'll find that at the heart of it, the worst thing that...2022-05-2409 min
Ballroom State of Mind18. Uncontested RoundsYou might be tempted to think of uncontested rounds as a waste. You might think they don't count and that the first place win isn't real. I want to push back on that. There are ways to think about uncontested rounds that will serve you much better.
First, consider that if you are dancing uncontested that it means no one else you age, at your level was willing to show up and do the hard thing of competing. This makes you a rarity in this case. If another team doesn't show up for a match, and you...2022-05-1008 min
Ballroom State of Mind17. 3 Mental Skills for CompetitionIn this episode, we share 3 mental skills you can develop to be more resilient and mentally strong at competitions.
1. Attentional Control-- You are responsible for directing your attention and then holding it. Whatever you give your attention, you give power. Additionally, whatever you allow into your attention, you will have to manage your mind around. Constraining your attention, then, is probably the greatest factor in how you feel at competitions. Know what helps you and what doesn't. You might decide to not even look at heatlists ahead of time. If knowing who is dancing, how many people...2022-05-0312 min
Ballroom State of Mind16. InterferenceIf all you needed was talent and training to execute your highest performance, we would all be wildly successful. But something is getting in the way. That something being us. We create interference.
In this episode, we explore two categories of interference, internal and external. Internal is initiated from us, and external involves other people and other things outside of us.
Internal interference includes things like self-doubt, fear, anxiety, guilt, hesitation, self-pity, over-thinking, toxic perfectionism, impatience, indecision, criticism, and victim mentality. Most of these are emotions that we create ourselves with our thinking and mindset....2022-04-2723 min
Ballroom State of Mind15. What Goes Up Must Come DownWhen you are headed home from a ballroom competition and everything went pretty well, and yet you feel down, I have some ideas about what might be happening. In this episode I give you three reasons this might be the case.
1. Biological Pain
In her book, Dopamine Nation, Anna Lembke, MD, describes a mechanism where after the brain releases dopamine and other pleasure related neurotransmitters, it will then create pain to counter it in an attempt to return the body to homeostasis. The pleasure and pain centers overlap in the brain and are related to...2022-04-0613 min
Ballroom State of Mind14. The Dance CrushA dance crush is a real thing. There are many reasons this can happen and for the most part it is harmless and doesn't have to be a problem. In this episode we discuss some reasons why it happens and why it's totally normal and even expected.
1. The dance teacher is the professional and shows up as such. They have an investment in you staying on as a client and will treat you well to make that happen, as they should. They put their best foot forward and are (hopefully) on their best behavior. They are nice, en...2022-03-1013 min
Ballroom State of Mind13. Ways you Increase AnxietyAnxiety is a common topic as I coach ballroom dancers, but also in society as a whole. In this episode, I bring up 6 ways we inadvertently increase anxiety in the dance world, along with a remedy for each one.
1. Having anxiety about your anxiety
This introduces a fight or flight response and doubles your anxiety. Making anxiety a problem and focusing upon it also distracts you from your task at hand--dancing. To overcome this, REFRAME anxiety so that it isn't a problem. It's normal and expected in this situation. Expand your vocabulary to include other w...2022-02-2419 min
Ballroom State of Mind12. The Power of StartingSometimes getting started and simply taking action is the best way to get unstuck. Seems like a no brainer but it can be hard to overcome the part of our brain that just likes us to stay the same and stay right where we are.
In this episode, we talk about 2 reasons you aren't getting started/are procrastinating. The first is the Motivational Triad, and the second (related) is our reluctance to feel negative emotion.
Getting started can help in 3 ways.
1. Getting started creates momentum
2. Getting started generates motivation
3. Ge...2022-02-1720 min
Ballroom State of Mind11. Feeling BehindFeeling behind is a normal and common feeling for dancers. Unfortunately for most of us, it isn't useful. When we feel like we are behind, we tend to feel self-pity and disappointment. These kinds of emotions aren't motivating. So ultimately, believing you are behind can lead to you dedicating yourself less and eventually quitting. We don't want that!
When you are feeling behind it's because you are measuring yourself in one (or all) of three ways:
1. Measuring yourself against a standard of skill or progress
2. Measuring yourself against a timeline or deadline
2022-02-1215 min
Ballroom State of Mind10. Decision MakingMaking decisions is a powerful skill you need to change your life in short order. It's the quickest way to get unstuck. In this episode, we talk about the problems with being indecisive, why we don't make decisions, and why we should get better at this starting today!
Problems with being indecisive:
–energy suck
–give brain power to the back and forth instead of action
–open-ended to do list of decisions to be made
–exhausting
–keeps you stuck, no forward momentum
You’...2022-02-0319 min
Ballroom State of Mind9. Pre-comp Self CoachingAn unsupervised brain will cause lots of problems for you if you don't tell it what to do. So before every ballroom competition, it's wise to get your head on strait. Just take a little time to set yourself up for success by setting your intentions ahead of time. In this podcast I give you 4 prompts to help you do some pre-competition self coaching. Each competition will look a little different, but this is a good place to start.
1. Why are you doing this competition? What will you define as success for this particular...2022-02-0318 min
Ballroom State of Mind8. Don't Make your Goals HarderI'm all about setting goals and trying to achieve them. But for some reason, when I start on a new goal, sometimes I set rules around it that make it even harder than necessary to accomplish. In this episode, I offer a work of warning to look out for when you are sabotaging yourself by making your goals harder. I give some examples from my own life so you can avoid making the same mistakes. When I made my goals easier to accomplish, it paid off in way more ways that I could have even predicted.
https://a...2022-01-1319 min
Ballroom State of Mind7. ComparisonComparison is the thief of joy. Whenever we compare ourselves to another person, have you noticed that you rarely come out on top? When you decide you are one-down, you feel negatively about yourself and it creates negative results for you. There is really no upside to doing this.
I think it's normal to compare ourselves to others since we are a tribal, social species and we care about our standing in the group. For this reason, I don't think we should judge the fact that we do compare ourselves, we just need to know how to m...2021-12-2415 min
Ballroom State of Mind6. 3 step evaluations after competitionThere are many ways to evaluate after a competition, but here is a simple 3 step, easy to remember way to evaluate.
Evaluation is key to getting better. The more you evaluate your dancing, the quicker you can figure out what you need to address next and the quicker you will progress. Don't skip evaluating your comps!
First, look at what went well. Do this FIRST. Be profuse, don't hold back, be as detailed as possible. Show yourself what went well so you can repeat and solidify it.
Second, loot at what didn't go w...2021-12-1520 min
Ballroom State of Mind5. The Horses in your Head: Mental and Emotional RegulationImagine you are the driver of a chariot pulled by 4 horses. If you do not train those horses, and if you don't pick up the reins and guide them, you would be pulled in different directions and experience a chaotic nightmare. Now imagine those horses are your mind. Are you driving the chariot or is your mind driving you?
This analogy is meant to show you how learning to train and manage the "horses" in your head take some effort, but it can be done. The goal is to manage your mind and regulate your emotions. If y...2021-12-0227 minBallroom State of Mind4. Practice Part 2If you don't like practice, you won't want to do it; it's that simple. This episode offers three ways we make practice undesirable and how to approach it instead.
1. Judgment --If you punish yourself, judge your dancing and focus on what's not going well, you will not like practicing.
2. Impatience--Thinking you are supposed to be further along than you are, waiting until the finish line to be happy, and preconceived expectations lead to frustration, anxiety, disappointment and depression.
3. Making practice work--If you like an activity, you call it play. If you don't, you c...2021-11-2520 min
Ballroom State of Mind3. When you aren't practicingPracticing dance can feel so hard sometimes. We know how important practicing is to ballroom and technique development, but when our growth slows down, practicing seems less fruitful. But this isn't the reason you have backed off. It's because of how you are THINKING about practicing. In this episode, we examine what you might be thinking that is holding you back and how to let go of those limiting beliefs.
Once you identify your limiting thoughts, here's some questions to ask yourself to show yourself that not only are these thoughts not helpful to get you practicing a...2021-11-1016 minBallroom State of Mind2. Stages of DevelopmentYou can expect your dance journey to go through the following stages:
1. Rapid Growth--new, fun, low pressure, focused on improvement and learning
2. Growth Slows--becomes more formalized, start competing, become outcome focused, more pressure
3. Growth Stops--we perceive less success, gradually give less effort and commit mini quits until we really quit.
The sweet spot is right between stages one and two. That's where we will keep our dance journey focused!
Find me on the socials or go to amberhaider.com for more information2021-06-1609 minBallroom State of Mind1. Your "Why" and Zooming OutIt's important to know your "why" for dancing and return to it often. When the going gets tough in your dance journey, zoom out, get perspective and reset yourself in alignment with your why.
Go here for more info on ballroom mental strength coaching with me, get on my email list or find my social media handles!
Go here to access my general life coaching website.
2021-05-0510 min