Shows
Tell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces # 17 - Thank You for Telling Us About Your KidsCan you believe that Bonnie and Adam have created 150 episodes of “Tell Me About Your Kids” over the last 3 years?! In this episode, they reflect on the experience, as well as what they’ve both come to understand about Connective Parenting and the universal struggles of parenthood. From punishment to being friends with your kids, to loving but sometimes not liking them, to wondering how life would be if we’d never had them, to the effects of generational trauma, Bonnie and Adam touch on many of life’s quandaries. And of course, the conversation wouldn’t be complete w...
2023-06-2238 minTell Me About Your KidsHow to Hold Your Children Accountable - Without BlameWhen little kids fight and hurt each other, it’s all a parent can do not to grab, yell, blame and ultimately shame the hitter. Lee and Andre are learning how to hold their 3-year-old hitter accountable without all that. Instead, Celine learns the natural consequences of her behavior (a lost opportunity with blame) and how to develop her brain to think ahead—as long as Lee and Andre can alter their mindset and therefore their automatic reactions. The key to raising responsible, respectful people is modeling that ourselves. Lee and Andre need to reprogram old tapes that quickly assu...
2023-06-1550 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces # 9 - Growing Up Online: How to Make It Safe for Our KidsThere is nothing more urgent for parents today than what their children are or will be doing on social media. Fears run rampant and get in the way of effective communication with children. Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. author of the best seller “Screenwise”, talks with me about our children’s public lives online that she explores extensively in her upcoming book, “Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World”. We cover everything from “sharenting” to sexting to surveillance apps at home and at school. Listen in to get Devorah’s strategies for developing your kids’ online character, teachin...
2023-06-0840 minTell Me About Your KidsRespecting Your Teen's Sexual BoundariesHannah grew as a person and a parent when she learned the hard way to payattention to her daughter’s experience and not compare it to her own. What 13 yearold Josie has learned to be comfortable with is all new territory for Hannah. In hereager attempt to prove her support for her daughter, she was actually taking care ofherself instead. Listen in for first-hand evidence of the power of mutual respect andstrong boundaries from the early years on so that the inevitable hard stuff is not sohard to...
2023-06-0133 minTell Me About Your KidsHow Can I Trust When Agreements Are Broken?Even when connection is strong with her two boys, 14 and 6, screens pose problems for Anne. Her intentions are on track to support the boys’ self-regulation skills but when agreements are broken and sleep is lost, worries take over and tempers rise. Two entirely different temperaments require different expectations. The expectations for her Harmony Child can easily rise and create more pressure than Anne realizes. Choices and boundaries—understanding whose problem is whose—will help the self-regulation Anne hopes for and ensure that her harmony son never silences his voice.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years...
2023-05-2544 minTell Me About Your Kids“Nobody ever listens to me!”When past learned behaviors pop up and derail connection with her two children, Ellie’s default is to blame herself. She feels so discouraged when they won’t do as she asks. Why can’t I get this right is what echoes in her head until she starts stressing and yelling to get them to do it right. Just by understanding where her thinking comes from is the beginning of de-fusing that button that gets pushed so she can have the connection she wants. She is so close. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coac...
2023-05-1849 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Unintended Consequences of Blame and CriticismHarry, 9, is an impulsive, Integrity kid* reacting, as kids do, to how he has come to view himself—not good enough, not as loved as his sister, a problem, bad. His parents have raised him by the common myth that ordering and criticizing a child for bad behavior will cause that child to change that behavior—and that one should never give positive attention to negative behavior. Harry has developed a strong defense of clownish yet aggressive and hurtful “silliness”—a defense that protects his belief in himself. Tune in to learn where Harry’s resentment and anger comes from and how...
2023-05-1146 minTell Me About Your KidsAnger is the Cover Up to Feeling RejectedHallie and her now ex-husband adopted their first child, Kyle. Subsequently she got pregnant with her second son, Kayden, the subject of much resentment for Kyle. In this episode we dig into the many causes of Kyle’s anger as well as his “I don’t care” attitude. Adoption is complicated for a child, and in this case, Kyle feels the rejection twice over. Traditional parenting with punitive consequences has made things worse for him. Now is the time for healing deep-set wounds. Listen in for tips on how effective communication can help Kyle express his anger more productively and trus...
2023-05-0449 minTell Me About Your KidsTip #17 – The No-Blame SolutionBlame is what turns sibling fights into sibling rivalry. Rivalry brings with it pretty constant anger and resentment at least from one child toward another. But it’s hard not to blame the child who hits or deeply hurts another. The parents job is to help children thru their own tough times—not do it for them and not put them down for doing it wrong. Blame never teaches what you want. Learn how to use the No-Blame Solution to teach your children not only to stop resenting each other but to care for each other and be accountable for...
2023-04-2717 minTell Me About Your KidsTip#16 - What To Do About Sibling RivalrySiblings are going to fight. They are too close to each other not to. It’s tricky to allow their fights without turning them into sibling rivalry. Rivalry is the key word here. Your kids become rivals for your approval. That is unless you are always able to keep your approval neutral and stay out of their fights. That’s the hard part when you see one of them treating the other unfairly. Get on board with these tools so you can keep their arguing and bickering far away from any rivalry.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of C...
2023-04-2012 minTell Me About Your KidsFrom the archives: Episode 66 Community Pieces #5: “Denial is the heartbeat of racism” – a conversation on how to talk to ALL kids about raceNo matter what your race, do you know how to talk to your kids in a coherent, age-appropriate way about race and racism? Were you brought up ignorant about racism, thinking it was only about someone else? I talk with Emma Redden and Grace Aldrich about their work in helping people discover their own histories in order to help their children understand theirs.Grace and Emma are community educators and work with groups of teachers, parents and caregivers. If you are interested in working with them contact them through their website {thefullstoryschool.org} or by email at...
2023-04-1338 minTell Me About Your KidsOur Best Parenting Tool is Our Own HealingCamille’s early childhood trauma still asserts itself through her body language when she bites her lip. Because of the work Camille has done, her 9 year old daughter, Aria, can call her on it. But that lip still betrays Camille whenever she feels those old triggering emotions. Listen in to learn how to become aware of what your body, if not your words and emotions, may be telling your children and how to neutralize the effect, so you don’t pass on the anxiety of your own traumatic experience. Triggers take us into the past. Awareness of the past can...
2023-04-0649 minTell Me About Your KidsDoes Your Child See You as the Enemy?Katherine wants her 9 year old to be able to stand up for herself and eventually save the world with her strength of spirit. But in the meantime, she unintentionally undermines that strength by not accepting it right now. Zelda perceives her parents as the enemy because she believes she must fight them to be heard. Her difficult “integrity” temperament worries her parents who get angry when they think she ignores them or says they’re mean. They try to explain, but the fight comes, not when Zelda can’t do what she wants, but when she feels wrong for the want...
2023-03-3048 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Your Best Friend Parents DifferentlyWhat would it mean for Erica to allow her friend to find her own way thru parenting that works for her? What does she need to give up to be the loving, compassionate friend she wants to be? These are the questions that get answered as Bonnie looks into the critical role of boundaries to determine what is Erica’s business and what is her friend’s. With the intention of helping her 13 year old daughter and friend get unleashed from a 5 year old’s tantrums, Erica wants to impose her better way but in doing so ends up explod...
2023-03-2348 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Your Child Believes He’s Not EnoughHow do you reconnect with a child who has pushed you away because he believes he has failed you? How do answer an angry child who yells, “If yelling at you is the way I express my anger, why shouldn’t I be allowed to do that?” Ginger has long suffered from depression and when it hit rock bottom, her life turned upside down. Her ex got custody of the kids and now she’s fighting to get them back. The divorce, depression, and hospitalization understandably provoked fear and anger in her 9 and 11 year olds. Not knowing who can be trust...
2023-03-1649 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #16: Question your assumptions about sibling rivalryWe all want our kids to stop fighting. But even our best intentions usually set up the next fight because we don’t understand what the bottom line really is. If we don’t truly get why siblings fight with each other, what they are really after and how we can fulfill that, we’ll never be able to use the necessary communication skills effectively and end the fighting once and for all. It’s common sense, but it requires a very different mindset. Tune in to hear Adam and Bonnie discuss how anger and blame keeps the fighting going an...
2023-03-0937 minTell Me About Your KidsAre You Normalizing Your Children's Fears?All children feel afraid of things they perceive out of their control. Feeling scared, nervous, upset is all perfectly normal. Jess’ 7 year old daughter Lily is dealing with normal fears of a quiet, cautious child Jess worries is stuck in anxiety. Jess’s childhood fears were dismissed by an inconvenienced mother with little to no empathy. It’s no wonder Jess wants to rid her daughter of any of the fears that left her feeling alone, frightened and unsafe. To this day she gets triggered when she feels invalidated. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years o...
2023-03-0245 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen you’re triggered, try opening your heartRuthie’s 14 year old daughter makes a lot of emotional noise which leaves her mother feeling bulldozed. Whenever Olivia is emotionally charged, Ruthie is triggered to backdown and block out the oncoming chaos of her daughter leaving Olivia without support. But this sensory overload is familiar to Ruthie. As a child, she learned to numb her exterior to protect her sensitive interior from the criticism and ridicule from her parents. Her hardened exterior developed to protect her scared interior. Her daughter’s behavior triggers the same numbing response. Listen in to hear how Ruthie can let that protective barrier down...
2023-02-2345 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Fallout from a Contentious DivorceKristen is working hard to navigate her 50/50 parenting time, leaving her feeling unable to deal with her two children’s aggression toward her and each other. The highly structured life her 10 and 6 year olds have with their father provokes Kristen to compensate at the other end of the spectrum putting her needs on hold. Chaos leads to daily crisis. Kristen is too tired for strategies and worn down by the judgements when she hears, They never behave that way here.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. h...
2023-02-1645 minTell Me About Your KidsHow to Motivate Kids in the Face of Tough EmotionsKatie has put a lot of time into her positive parenting. The problem is she can be a little too positive when trying to motivate her 5-year-old. Understanding her daughter’s temperament is a must for Katie to set appropriate expectations so as not to be inconsiderate of her needs. Katie would never intend to be inconsiderate, but when we break it down what happens, that’s what it is. This episode is a great lesson in what I call Connective Communication (the updated version of How to Talk to Kids so They’ll Listen) which is the only way to...
2023-02-0944 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces #8: Understanding Your Child's Unique Brain DevelopmentIs your child’s behavior more than just annoying? Is it a mystery with seemingly no clues? Are you worried his development is off track? Is she having difficulty performing at the level of her peers? Do think he needs more support than you can give? Do you get angry when she “never listens”? Tune in to hear clinical psychologist Dr. Lara Kroodsma break down the various tests available to us now to learn how your child’s brain works and understand his unique development. Behavior is usually the child’s effort to solve a problem. Testing can help the child...
2023-02-0239 minTell Me About Your KidsHow To Raise Responsible Kids Without PunishmentCamilla is mother to four children ranging from 18 to 25. She has raised her children with a connected approach and is here to tell the results at the stage of launching into adulthood. Here’s what it means to raise kids with no punishment (that includes unnatural consequences) but only kindness, respect, firmness and focus on relationship above all else. If your fear is—How do they learn to do what you want? They’ll be entitled, disrespectful people. They won’t learn that real life has consequences—then this is the listen for you. Camilla has begged the question over and o...
2023-01-2640 minTell Me About Your Kids“… but you can’t make them do it.”Kate’s 2 yr. (her third child) needs to wear glasses. Ever tried to get a toddler to do what she must but what she hates? This is a problem that goes on throughout development—when you have to insure your child does something she refuses. Finding the balance between motivating and loosening up is the only way to stay out of power struggles and the only hope of gaining cooperation. Listen in to learn how to say no without saying no and to empower your child to begin to take responsibility for herself.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., dire...
2023-01-1944 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Jealous Sibling Anne is the mother of two tween boys 11 and 12. Being an Integrity kid, Brooks, the younger, is reacting to years of blame and punishments from parents who wish he was more like his brother. His defenses arise when he perceives that his brother James has an easier, happier life. His natural aggression has turned angry and violent. He wants to punish back. Gratitude is out of his reach. Listen in to learn what is underneath Brooks’ retribution and how empathy can change everything.Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids:Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orc...
2023-01-1240 minTell Me About Your Kids“Is that you or your gremlin talking?”For 5 yr. old Aiko, “everything goes in really big and comes out really big”, says his mom, Janneke. Part of that ‘really big’ comes out at his 10 yr. old brother when Aiko’s jealousy rears up. Calling Noa a dummy over and over has become a habit for Aiko, and sensitive Noa takes it as fact. Breaking the habit requires a new frame for Aiko—instead being told again and again that it’s not ok. Listen through to hear Bonnie’s Gremlin exercise which can help that reframing process—that, and no more blame.Use this link to purchase B...
2023-01-0542 minTell Me About Your KidsFrom Power Struggle To RelationshipWe're ending 2022 with an episode from the archives. We figured it's always a good time to get a lesson on relationship. Tracy’s children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her issue with getting toys picked up blocks her needed fo...
2022-12-2948 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #15: How can we be more connected with the kids in our livesAfter my interview on Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson, I decided it would make a perfect puzzle piece, because it turned out to be a great overview of connected parenting. I discuss the principles of connective parenting and how they were developed thru learning about myself. The primary focus is on the relationship between parent and child and the responsibilities of the parent. There is also a great description of the Integrity and Harmony children, terms we use a lot on this podcast and the work of Dr. Thomas Boyce on the Orchid and Dandelion children from which...
2022-12-2249 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen It Feels Like You’ve Lost Control without PunishmentFrom backtalk to “drive-by hitting”, to stepping on his baby brother, four year old Pacey is trying to tell his parents, Lauren and Matt, about his very complicated feelings. Having been brought up by authoritarian parents who used physical punishment, Lauren and Matt are working hard to shift their mindset to a connective approach but still see Pacey as intentionally trying to get their negative attention. Listen in and learn how to interpret the information provided by a child’s behavior and the messages parents unintentionally send with punitive tactics. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenti...
2022-12-1551 minTell Me About Your Kids“I don’t have time for this!”Amy and Rick have two children, 7 and 4 ½. While Rick is quite laid back, Amy is the one dealing with an often debilitating amount of stress and overwhelm when the kids are demanding. She either withdraws or gives in to avoid having to deal with the situation at hand. Her go-to is, “I don’t have time for this,” which really means she can’t deal with the pain that their behavior triggers from her childhood experiences.Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobookWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It
2022-12-0844 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Importance of Giving Your Teen Space for His LifeApril has had a long and close relationship with her now 16-year-old. Yet, for the past year, since he has been in a significant relationship, he doesn’t want to hear one word from his mother about it. He tells her to stop “inserting herself where she shouldn’t”, that he doesn’t need parenting, among other edgy remarks that have left her hurting. Listen in while Bonnie and April pull apart what is possible to understand where he might be coming from and determine the best route to follow now. Join Thrive Market and Get My Spec...
2022-11-0339 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Negative Sibling Energy Gets Loud and DramaticRachel is in turmoil over the negative energy from her 6 year old. When he’s not screaming at his sister, Ben admits he feels like nobody loves him. It all started when his sister was born four years ago. He immediately showed signs of aggression toward her. He still dumps his deep resentment on her with harsh name-calling. “Did I birth a sociopath?” Rachel feared when her reasoning with him didn’t work. Listen in for lots of Bonnie’s suggestions with tools to help Rachel help her son feel heard and more important in their family.Bonnie Har...
2022-10-1339 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #14: Have You Had the Sex Talk Yet?Bonnie and Adam have an in-depth discussion about the ins and outs (pun intended) of “the sex talk”—the optimal time to have it with your kids, and why honesty is always the best policy. The talk can be really tough for parents who feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Too often parents wait until embarrassment is high on both sides, so it never happens. Enter the internet. Embarrassment gets in the way of providing good, healthy, honest information about perfectly normal things that happen to our bodies. When we normalize the whole experience, chances are children will be far more r...
2022-10-0631 minTell Me About Your KidsControlling Your Fears So They Don’t Control YouFrannie and her husband have four children 7 and under. Frannie is getting a handle on not pushing her food values onto her kids but sometimes she feels like she’s “dying on the inside” while biting her tongue. She fears the influence from outside the bubble of her kitchen, where she can control, which leads her to feeling out of control of her children in many areas. Bonnie discusses the important difference between influencing our children as opposed to controlling them.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Fo...
2022-09-2937 minTell Me About Your KidsHow to Hold onto Your Energy with a House Full of Rowdy BoysKat has had it with her two rambunctious boys interrupting, taking charge, and monopolizing conversations. As well as many tips for interrupting kids, Bonnie shows Kat why she needs to hold onto her energy and stop expecting her boys to “give her the room”. Instead of thinking they are taking her energy, Kat can take responsibility for herself and be better able to set limits. Her childhood plays a big part in how much she deserves her energy. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr...
2022-09-1543 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Season Of SurvivalBonnie and Adam riff a bit introducing the coming season which will start with the Sept. 8th episode. They share how completely different their respective summers were—one with a baby and one with an angry camper.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com
2022-09-0105 minTell Me About Your KidsTip #13 – How to Make a Repair after You Lose ItWish you had that blow-up to do over again? Well, actually you do. All you need to repair a regrettable situation is your willingness to admit making a mistake (even if your child made a worse one) and taking some time to think about what you would have done instead had you had your thinking brain online. Bonnie goes over the Do-Over with dialogue to help you understand how easy the process is. Your child will appreciate it and likely make amends as well.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and...
2022-08-1809 minTell Me About Your KidsTip #12: How to Stop YellingWhen your button has been pushed, nothing can rescue you in the heat of the moment. You feel out of control and say and do things you wish you hadn’t. In this Tip episode Bonnie explains what it is that happens to you in that moment and how to put 6 easy steps into practice to change your reactions—and be the parent you always hope to be.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email...
2022-08-1120 minTell Me About Your KidsTip #11: Your Child Always Wants to Get It RightYour child always wants to do the right thing and please you. So, how come he does the opposite and makes you see red? When he screams obscenities, throws a block at you or his sister, or hits in anger, that means there is an obstacle in his way of doing it right. Your job is to figure out what the obstacle is. When you can see this, it will change your perspective of your child and his behavior. In this Tip, Bonnie walks you through the first and most important principle of Connective Parenting.Bonnie Harris...
2022-08-0425 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #13: Getting Your Partner on the Same PageDo you struggle when your parenting partner—or family members—respond/react to your children in ways that drive you nuts? Do you wish you could change how your partner talks or yells at your kids (even when you do the same) and worry your children are being traumatized? When it comes down to it, most of us want the other parent to do what we do. Listen in to Bonnie and Adam as they discuss this almost universal issue. Discover that being on the same page is not necessarily the best thing for your kids. But being in the...
2022-07-2827 minTell Me About Your Kids“Coming down from Screens”—the BattlegroundJen feels at war with especially one of her two screen-loving sons. Does she let go of all restrictions and live in “peace” like her friends or does she keep to her limits fearing another battle? Screentime management is hard for the calmest parents. Listen to Bonnie’s adjustments that will likely help Jen find a middle ground between being a “screen dictator” and throwing up her hands in defeat.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: b...
2022-07-2140 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces #6 Does your child need a “sensory diet”? An Occupational Therapy PerspectiveIf your child is highly emotional or sensitive, aggressive, a picky eater, reactive to loud noises, very physical, has a hard time sleeping, etc. an occupational therapist can prescribe an individualized “sensory diet”. From infancy thru high school, your child is giving you behavioral cues. Occupational therapy can be a wonderful adjunct to help you find “attunement” and with those cues to help your child. Join Bonnie and Chelsey Harrington as they discuss how occupational therapy can provide the help you didn’t know you needed.Chelsey Harrington is a pediatric occupational therapy assistant. She is a holistic f...
2022-06-3042 minTell Me About Your Kids“Why don’t I ever get to decide?” Helping an Integrity Kid Feel HeardYou don’t hear me! is the emotional cry underneath the explosions and irrational pleadings of 8 ½ yr. old Jude. His parents have come a long way in being patient, but they get stuck and threaten punishment when he refuses to do what he has to do. They fear he will push others away with his demands, will always have to be right, and will have no friends. Renee and Gary have recorded episodes of Jude’s raging that are included. When we discuss how to respond to the need under his screaming, Renee and Gary fear they will have to gi...
2022-06-1646 minTell Me About Your KidsSolutions for Morning ChaosWith three children five and under, Yanina finds mornings harried, loud, and frustrating. From fielding sibling fights, to getting breakfast in them, shoes on their feet and everyone out the door, Yanina is short on understanding and time. But consideration for what they want doesn’t take extra time, it takes a different mindset. Listen in to hear some tips Bonnie shares for making mornings a bit easier. With small children, mornings will not be smooth and calm, but Yanina’s shifted attention becomes an investment in the day when smooth, calm mornings are more the rule than the exce...
2022-05-1950 minTell Me About Your KidsIgnoring The LimitsAnna has been trying to get her 7 year old to accept her safety and screentime limits she believes are absolutely appropriate and understood. So when Maddie continually ignores them, Anna sees a defiant child who is not listening—a button-pusher. Bonnie helps Anna see that the reason a limit is not followed is not because her daughter is belligerent or dismissive. It’s because the limits are not logical to Maddie, her Integrity child. If time and time again a limit is disregarded, it’s time to question the limit not the child. Articles:9 Sig...
2022-05-1243 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #11: Understanding BulliesBonnie and Adam discuss what makes a bully and a bully’s target. Temperament does not but certain combinations of temperament together under an autocratic parenting style means that bullies are made at home. It’s all about power and insecurity. Listen in to hear Bonnie’s take on the remedy we need to resolve bullying—as well as raising kids with connective parenting.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProdu...
2022-05-0520 minTell Me About Your KidsAm I Raising A Magnet For Bullies?Dawn worries that her quiet two year old is always the one who gets the brunt of her peers’ aggressive behavior. Is Maggie undisturbed or does she not know what to do? Dawn’s childhood experience of being bullied is hard for her to ignore when she observes her daughter’s passive nature. Bonnie explains the how-tos of role playing—no matter how old the child—to help empower a child who appears the underdog. But she also warns parents to support who their child is and resist the fear of who the child could become.Bonnie Harris, MS...
2022-04-2143 minTell Me About Your KidsTip #10 Motivation vs PressureWe all want our kids to feel motivated to be successful, but we often get motivation mixed up with pressuring them to do what we think is right. Unintentionally we can send our kids down the path of anxiety and perfectionism when we lose trust in following their impulses, desires and tendencies. Tune in to hear Bonnie discuss the differences and how to make sure you are not setting up unrealistic expectations your kids may fail at meeting.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://l...
2022-03-3129 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Never Ending Search For ModerationDo you find it hard to land on moderation in your parenting and to help your children find moderation in their activities? Adam and Bonnie discuss the ins and outs of finding balance in everything from technology to emotions—and sometimes it requires allowing the discomfort of the lack of it. Anxiety is becoming pervasive in childhood. Moderation is the antidote. Rather than swinging to one end of the pendulum or the other, finding the gray areas in the middle means letting go of what we might think is right. Your tone sets the stage.EP 7 Parenting In...
2022-02-1033 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Roughhousing Ends With A Trip To The Emergency RoomKate’s 8 and 7 yr old boys love to roughhouse and tease their little sister—common, ordinary kid behaviors that can provoke real fears and even panic in the most progressive of parents. Fear and projections of her own past play into how Kate mitigates this natural kid behavior. Bonnie shows how storytelling, natural consequences and letting kids come up with the answers are far more effective than lecturing or punishing when managing potentially dangerous behaviors.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linkt...
2022-01-2740 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #10 Can You Be Friends with Your Kids?Friendship isn’t parenting, right? “I’m the parent and my kids have to learn to do what they’re told.” But when you parent from this perspective, your relationship with your child is at risk. You are likely setting up an obligation-based relationship. Do you want your goal to be friendship or obligation? Do you feel obligated to your parents? Listen in as Bonnie and Adam dig into the whys and wherefores of relationships and how to end up with the relationship you want with your kids. Read Bonnie’s article about Your Parent Authority - https://bonnieharris.com/using-yo...
2022-01-1331 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #8 Getting To CompassionMost of us don’t think about where our responsibilities lie when it comes to emotions—ours and our kids. Adam and Bonnie discuss what those responsibilities are and are not using a strawberry rhubarb pie metaphor (!) Sibling relationships come front and center with the goal of getting to compassion even after the worst fighting. And as always, when Adam is involved, laughter is too.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.com
2021-09-2935 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #7: Finding The Delicate Balance Of Your Parent AuthorityYour kids need you to be in charge. They also don’t like to be told what to do. How do you find the right balance between the two? When do you push and when do you pull back? There-in lies the challenge of parenting. But when you understand what you can appropriately expect, finding that balance gets easier.These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a co...
2021-06-1744 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Shy Kids Are AlrightShyness is a character trait; it’s not a choice. Ashley’s 10 and 14 year olds are both extremely shy, as is Ashley. Ashley sees traits in them that she abhorred about herself and worked to change and their dad, outgoing and social, just thinks they’re rude. “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” by Susan Cain - https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153/ref=sr_1_1?crid=VGGFF9LX88NW&dchild=1&keywords=quiet+susan+cain&qid=1621200592&s=books&sprefix=Quiet%2Cstripbooks%2C202&sr=1-1Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director...
2021-05-2045 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #6 Your Kids Are Not Disrespecting YouThese once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.It does no good to approach kids from the point of view that they are being disrespectful. What’s really going on is that...
2021-05-1336 minTell Me About Your KidsI Should Have Been An Only ChildShannon’s twelve year old son has never been okay with his younger sister. It’s as if her birth took something from him that he hasn’t been able to get back. Something broke in him. Trying to get him to be happier and see things differently may only be making things worse. Send an email to bh@bonnieharris.com and let us know what you're doing when you listen to the podcast!Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: https://bonnieharris.comb...
2021-05-0653 minTell Me About Your KidsControlling The FightRenee and Gary have different perspectives on their sons’ sibling fights. But both agree the oldest, their Harmony Child, is getting the worst of it from the younger Integrity Child. Their task is in how to allow their boys to fight the good fight while supporting and guiding them to work out those fights.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available)...
2021-04-2949 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces #3: Child Behavior and Nutrition with Chris KresserWorried your picky eater isn’t getting the right nutrition? Do you have a sugar junkie? Do you see the effects of food in your child’s behavior? Learn how food and nutrition shows up in your child’s behavior from an expert in functional medicine.Website: https://chriskresser.com – sign up for Chris’ newsletterPodcast: Revolution Health RadioStar Institute: https://sensoryhealth.org/basic/occupational-therapy-for-childrenTell Me About Your Kids 12/22/20 episode: Eat Your Peas or No Dessert – to learn how to end mealtime bat...
2021-04-2251 minTell Me About Your KidsCutting The Invisible Phone CordFrom the consequences of consequences, to relationship and consideration, to inappropriate text messaging, to role playing, Victoria, mother of 7 and 10 year old girls, and I cover a broad range of issues she is managing with her tween. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio Books:The Buttons Au...
2021-04-1539 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Toothbrush Battles (and other struggles for power)Michael is a dad of seven and ten year old kids who push him to his limit. When pushed, he pushes back engaging in endless power struggles. The fight required becomes an ongoing loop of frustration and anger continually fueling the opponent. To step out of the power struggle, Michael knows, is to take responsibility for himself and his problems. Easier said than done.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Books: When Your Kids Push Your Bu...
2021-04-0844 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Connection Feels OverwhelmingWhen 12 yr. old Avery complains to her mother about friends who are mean and criticize the way she looks, Heather gets overwhelmed by the magnitude. When Avery is feeling down her reactions get misinterpreted by her mother. When Heather’s button gets pushed, she sees her daughter turning into a brat. But she has learned that she can step back, reframe and find the truth—her daughter is not being a brat, she’s having a hard time. With this understanding, connection can happen. Now Heather needs to learn that she cannot take away her daughter’s struggles, she can only...
2021-04-0143 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #5 When Your Buttons Get PushedThese once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.Steps to take after a button-pushing incident. Do this work when you’re calm. 1. Recognize that your buttons are yours. Own them. ...
2021-03-2534 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Squeaky Wheel Gets The Most But Wrong Kind of AttentionAshley has 4 girls – the second to youngest is her Integrity Child who pushes her mother to the brink when she is trying so hard to understand why her daughter behaves so differently from the other three. Four girls plus Covid, and Ashley just wants things to change so her defiant one can be more manageable. Related podcast, episode #14 — Puzzle Pieces #1: “Why Would You Do That?” More about understanding the meaning of behavior and why addressing the behavior alone misses the mark.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for...
2021-03-1851 minTell Me About Your KidsHow To Be A Selfish Parent (But Not Too)Lauren is working out the fine-tuning of her parenting with her questions of what she has the right to want for herself vs her fear of not doing enough for her children. This episode grapples with the difficult daily decisions of, when do I sacrifice my needs for my child? and when do I put myself first with self-care? Where does my parental authority come in to play and where do I hand it over to my child? Strength comes for Lauren in knowing what she wants, what she has a right to—something important to model for her kids...
2021-03-1134 minTell Me About Your KidsStretched ThinCovid-related fears and worries are depleting Anne and Kevin so that by bedtime they are fried. Their three girls scramble for their parents’ attention while the parents are left feeling impatient, frustrated and angry. When worries are covered up, integrity kids like Grace see right through it and grab for attention. Unfortunately, her attempts only provoke more impatience and yelling. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/book...
2021-03-0438 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces #2 The Kids Are Going To Be FineA third grade teacher describes her experiences teaching both remotely and in person during these times of Covid. She shares her frustrations and delights, how she sees her children doing both online and in the classroom, and offers some advice for parents during these hectic times.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to L...
2021-02-2534 minTell Me About Your KidsI Was Supposed To Have Taught Him ThatGretchen wants her adolescent son to launch into his teen years with all the good work/study habits she thinks will get him far. Don’t we all. The problem is that’s her agenda. She has to trust her son to work out his own with more guidance and less advice.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles...
2021-02-1841 minTell Me About Your KidsStanding Outside Your Children’s ProblemsAlan and Angela are exhausted by fear that their children are not getting their needs met during Covid isolation. Their boys fight more in close quarters. They must have friends and opportunities that are not possible to provide during these times. Alan and Angela feel like failures. What they need to know is that what their 3 children need most is parents who can see them through these tough times rather than parents exhausted from the mental anguish of trying to fix it all.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing...
2021-02-1154 minTell Me About Your KidsFighting For The SpotlightKarina is worn down by the willfulness of her 5 yr. old who not only resists her warnings but seems goaded by them. What she doesn’t want him to do is exactly what he does—and models for his 1 ½ yr. old sister. She reflexively throws out threats and punishments in her attempt to get him to listen. But ends up feeling horrible afterwards. “I’m going to do it anyway” has become his behavior of choice. We find a way to go with that to encourage behavior.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, t...
2021-02-0439 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #4 "Keeping Your Kids Connected"These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.Bonnie and Adam hash over her 4 main steps to insuring connection with your kids right through the teen years—and the best chance of a...
2021-01-2841 minTell Me About Your KidsScreening Into The VoidRob and Claire’s eleven year old son is feeling the effects of both Covid and more screentime than usual. His emotions are easily triggered and distorted, angering his father and scaring his mother. Both Claire and Zach’s thinking lead to catastrophizing, while Rob wants to be listened to. This world, while quite “normal” these days, can send a tween or a teen into the bliss zone of cyberspace.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: Wh...
2021-01-2149 minTell Me About Your KidsNobody Likes The Word ChoreChristina is, rightly so, trying to get her 10 and 15 year olds to help out more at home. Her very busy life doesn’t have time to do it all. But she and her kids have been in a feedback loop of resentment, anger and guilt that triggers everyone into disconnect. Why should I? Why can’t you just…? You should know better…. are the questions spinning in Christina’s head that instantly and automatically create that disconnect.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https...
2021-01-1446 minTell Me About Your KidsCommunity Pieces #1: When Conflict between Parents Needs the Big ConversationMost parenting partners face conflict about how to handle the kids. Conflict quickly triggers anger, resentment and blame. Rarely does the necessary conversation happen after emotions are cooled. Anger and resentment get squashed—but not forgotten. In this first Community Pieces episode, Bonnie talks with mediator and conflict resolution coach, Adar Cohen, who leads big conversations in conflict zones and in family rooms. Bonnie and Adar discuss both the approach and the how-to of the big conversation so understanding results. Listening well is the quickest way to being heard.Find out more about Adar here:...
2021-01-0747 minTell Me About Your KidsHappy New Year From Tell Me About Your Kids!Thank you for listening to Tell Me About Your Kids in 2020! You've made this podcast a success in so many ways. Stay tuned for all the great episodes we have coming up in 2021. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)Audio books: https://bo...
2021-01-0102 minTell Me About Your KidsFrom Power Struggle To Relationship2020 ends with a lesson on relationship. Tracy’s children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her issue with getting toys picked up blocks her needed focus on developing a mutually respectful relationship.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Co...
2020-12-2944 minTell Me About Your KidsEat Your Peas or No DessertEmily has gotten into a habit of using candy and sweets to get her three kids to eat a bite of everything on their plate. Her intention is good, but she learns that the lesson she is teaching may not be the lesson she wants them to learn. The goal gets lost when the immediate desire is front and center.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/b...
2020-12-2244 minTell Me About Your Kids“I’m stupid, you hate me”Six-year-old Luke is having trouble staying focused with remote learning. He “despises” reading and multiple times a day bemoans that he’s stupid and his mom hates him, much to Ariel’s bewilderment. She of course worries about his self-confidence and tries to convince him that he’s wrong. But her worry about Luke keeps Ariel from seeing what she unintentionally projects onto Luke that contributes to his lack of self-confidence.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: Wh...
2020-12-1542 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #3 Boundaries: Whose job is it, anyway?These once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.Adam and Bonnie discuss the art (and pit-falls) of problem solving—the most important skill you can learn as a parent and teach your...
2020-12-0841 minTell Me About Your KidsWhen Sibling Fights Trigger Parent AngerJulie returns to the podcast (see Sibling Rivalry eps. 8 and 9) with a deeper layer exposed. We now look at why she gets so mad when her boys fight. She knows the fights are over nothing, she knows they can probably work it out, but she can’t stand the fighting, which triggers her rage and feeling out of control. Hang in till the end.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your But...
2020-12-0140 minTell Me About Your KidsCreating Chaos Out Of NothingLauren’s two boys, 7 and 11 are good examples of Integrity and Harmony kids. Jack’s easy-going, cooperative nature makes Lauren and her husband all the more determined to try to control the younger Bobby, whose attention-grabbing, highly frustrating behaviors are getting him in trouble at school. His parents are beginning to see him as the problem.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) ...
2020-11-2444 minTell Me About Your KidsBuilding Bridges Out Of TraumaAnne and her 10 year old son live alone while she and her husband have a trial separation. In her desire to protect her son from what she experienced at 10, Anne controls the environment of their home to unconsciously insure the peace and calm she thinks necessary to prevent the hurt and danger she fears from any amount of disruption.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.c...
2020-11-1743 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #2 The Test Of Covid—For Better Or For Worse?We may all be sharing the same pandemic but how we each deal with it is infinitely different. It comes down to relationship—relationship with yourself, with your partner, with each child. Being thrown together in this pandemic pushes relationships to the ultimate test. Can I live with myself, can I live with you, without exhausting struggles? Do you feel trapped and forced or do you see this as an opportunity? Do you drain out day after day or actively refuel?Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents.
2020-11-1026 minTell Me About Your KidsIt's Hard To Deal With Someone Else's GriefTwo kids, two temperaments, two developmental stages experience the death of their father. Leah is managing as best she can to accommodate her children’s experience of that death. But the younger child was only 2.5 – hard to know what the emotional effect of that death had on him. Sometimes an adult perspective can skew what is not understood about a very undeveloped brain and therefore behavioral cues can be misinterpreted.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks...
2020-11-0347 minTell Me About Your KidsIs It OK To Love Your Teenager With Conditions?Jane’s teenage son is pulling away, getting secretive, dropping grades, and numbing out in his room on his computer. This common scenario typically provokes fear in parents leading to clutching, micromanaging, blame, and coming down harder with restrictions, and sending messages that love and acceptance is given when behavior and grades improve—exactly the opposite of what is needed. This is unintentional of course—but Ned’s behavior signals the intention he feels.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonniehar...
2020-10-2752 minTell Me About Your KidsPuzzle Pieces #1 "Why Would You Do That?"Puzzle PiecesThese once in a while episodes are concepts Bonnie has developed over the years that she discusses and ponders with her producer, Adam. They are critical pieces needed to fit together to form the big picture of a connected family. It’s when some of these pieces are missing that parents feel the most frustrated and drained in their attempts at controlling their children. Finding their places in the puzzle can be life changing.#1 “Why Would You Do That?” Understanding BehaviorOur culture doesn’...
2020-10-2048 minTell Me About Your KidsStubborn Kid, Frustrated ParentsAmy and John have a 4.5 year old integrity child who has gotten into a rather rough physical fight with her best friend. Fiona also seems to be “refusing” to use the toilet. Where does keeping secrets fit in the picture of Fiona’s desires?Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (http...
2020-10-1349 minTell Me About Your KidsThe Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2This is part 2 of Bonnie's conversation with Mackenzie.Bonnie’s descriptions of “Integrity and Harmony” kids come from the 30 years of research done on the “Orchid and Dandelion” children which she discusses in Pt. 2. And we hear how Mackenzie puts her learning into practice to help her son trust his mom and feel heard.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents...
2020-10-0623 minTell Me About Your KidsWho is this child and where did he come from? Pt. 1Mackenzie’s parenting turned a major corner when she understood that her very demanding, exhausting son is what Bonnie calls an “Integrity Child”. This revolutionary understanding about the child who “won’t take no for an answer” can flip your mindset so compassion and understanding replaces anger, criticism, and frustrated attempts to get this child to change. And when battles stop, the integrity child can remove his armor.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Pus...
2020-09-2939 minTell Me About Your KidsWhere the Worried Things AreWhether anxiety or worry, childhood can be torture for a sensitive child and trying to fix it can be a parent’s full-time job. In this pre-covid recorded segment, Bonnie encourages Sarah to validate her daughter’s anxious concerns rather than giving reassurance or protection. Before Nora can move out of her stuckness, she needs to feel normal rather than a problem. We talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy—each parent tends toward a different one—and how one can exacerbate the problem and the other help diffuse it.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connecti...
2020-09-2245 minTell Me About Your KidsSibling Rivalry Pt. 2 The No-Blame SolutionJulie learns the No-Blame skill that will help her children learn from the natural consequences of their actions when that wall of defense is no longer needed. Much of the burden of parenting comes from the judgments, perceptions and expectations swirling around in your head telling you you’re not doing it right or your children will grow up to hate each other. In this episode Bonnie helps Julie see the mindset shift that releases much of that burden Julie is not even aware she is carrying.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of co...
2020-09-1535 minTell Me About Your KidsSibling Rivalry Pt. 1: The Triangle GameJulie wants her boys’ fights to “just stop” and tells them so. That’s as far as she's gotten. In this episode Bonnie helps her see how she unintentionally perpetuates the fighting with blame and finds herself pulled into “The Triangle Game” pitting her kids against each other to win her favor. When she fears the worst, it comes out in blame. When Julie is able to stop projecting her own experience onto her older son and see both her boys from a new perspective, dynamics in the family will change.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective P...
2020-09-0841 minTell Me About Your KidsPart Two: Parenting in PublicMore with Morgan, mother of 2 1/2 and 5 year old boys, as we listen to the difficulty she has dealing with her son’s unacceptable, aggressive behavior when the eyes of others are watching and take priority over the needs of her son. We worked thru how to handle parenting in public with strength.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 P...
2020-09-0133 minTell Me About Your KidsPart One: The Anger TrapUnderstanding her 5 year old son’s natural impulsivity and developmental lack of self-control is critical for Morgan to remain calm and thus effective in the face of her son’s aggressive behavior—especially when she feels as much anger as her son while trying desperately to hide it.Part Two coming next week!Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Rema...
2020-08-2536 minTell Me About Your KidsTo school or not to school—that is the question!In light of “The Decision” that is facing parents all over the world, Bonnie and Adam discuss the difficulty and the complexity of what families are dealing with approaching the weird new school year. Adam shares the convoluted layers that he and his family navigated in prioritizing their decision.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll...
2020-08-1833 minTell Me About Your KidsCovid friendships and resentmentsToday Bonnie talks to Katherine. A single mom trying to keep her parents and her teen daughter safe from Covid 19, yet missing the responsibility she is transferring onto her capable daughter whose anger is simmering just under the surface.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://b...
2020-08-1136 minTell Me About Your KidsDrowning In HumansToday Bonnie talks with Jane, mother of three—7, 10 and 12—who is a self-described “regulator” in her family. Given the role Jane had to play starting at age 7 as the oldest of three with a not-present mother and drug addicted father, the role of regulator comes naturally to her. During Covid, that role is more exhausting than ever. Now she needs to start letting go so her children can learn to regulate themselves.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBook...
2020-08-0458 minTell Me About Your KidsPart 2: Raising a Bi-racial Child in the Time of Covid*This is a two part episode.The pandemic and time of racial protests for this mom, who has suffered her own anxiety and panic disorder, makes parenting her bi-racial daughter with anxiety especially difficult. She naturally wants to protect her daughter from the pain she herself has experienced, yet learns that that protection may be keeping her daughter from getting stronger.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (h...
2020-07-2834 minTell Me About Your KidsPart 1: Anxiety in the Time of Covid*This is a two part episode.The pandemic and time of racial protests for this mom, who has suffered her own anxiety and panic disorder, makes parenting her bi-racial daughter with anxiety especially difficult. She naturally wants to protect her daughter from the pain she herself has experienced, yet learns that that protection may be keeping her daughter from getting stronger.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (h...
2020-07-2542 minTell Me About Your KidsWhat is Connective Parenting? Glad you asked.What is Connective Parenting?If you were brought up afraid of getting in trouble, Connective Parenting is a 180º mindset shift. A connected family is based on mutually respectful relationships. Corrective measures are gained through problem solving. Unconditional acceptance sets the foundation for self-confidence. This philosophy is put into practical application when producer, Adam Arnone, father of two, and I apply it to an ordinary difficult situation with his daughter.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.com...
2020-07-2431 minTell Me About Your KidsHow It All Began...and then the world changedLife changed just as we were about to launch Tell Me About Your Kids, so we started again. This intro tells you about my background and how I came to all of this parenting business. And what I learned from my, shall we say strong willed, daughter who brought me to my knees and taught me how to be a better parent. Producer Adam Arnone shares his experience with parenting during the pandemic.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.c...
2020-07-2414 min
Tell Me About Your KidsAbout Bonnie HarrisWelcome to Tell Me About Your Kids. Learn about Bonnie Harris and how it all began. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com - https://bonnieharris.comBooks: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/when-your-kids-push-your-buttons/) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With (https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/confident-parents-remarkable-kids/)Audio books: https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-book-downloads/
2020-07-2103 min