Cassie Prmkhtr - Podcast Details

Shows

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 97: Poetry Despite the Exhaustion of Adult ResponsibilityI talk about my continued medical garbage, writing, reading, and homebuying, panicking because of all of it. I also talk about grief, the grief book, shifting to more positive thinking, and aging pets. I also read a couple poems I wrote this week. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad (or happy or anything in between) life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free to follow the...2022-07-3118 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 96: Seven DaysThis one is all about the procedure I just had, some other medical/health updates, and about the house hunt and some exciting developments with that – and how all of this happened in seven days. Lots of stuff crammed into one seven-day period. I talk about D&D, resting, relaxing, and rejection, and I realized mid-recording that I really need to get my health back to a place where I can get back on my skateboard more frequently. I also mention the movie, The Sasquatch Gang. If you haven’t seen it, here’s a link to the IMDb: https...2022-07-2423 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 95: Is Today for Poetry or Sadness?Burnout, grief check in, looking for ways to be more positive, social isolation, a recent thing I wrote, rambling briefly about TV show Superstore and YouTubers Moist Critical and shoe0nhead. Yep, this episode has it all. https://www.youtube.com/user/penguinz0 https://www.youtube.com/c/Shoe0nHead As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad (or happy or anything in between) life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me...2022-07-1722 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 94: Reflection and a Story Named CrushedMigraines, other health updates, generally reflecting on how functioning the last couple of weeks has been difficult on a lot of levels, and creativity are the main topics for this one. I also share a brand-new, never publicly shared story here for the first time. It’s a short story: “Crushed” – really nervous about sharing, but I tried to promise myself that I’d work on writing more and I recently wrote this and felt decent about it. Since this is an accountability space for me, I figured I’d share it. The books I reference in this episode...2022-07-1029 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 93: Supreme, My Ass: Another Rant About the American Dream/NightmareOnce again, I feel angry, frustrated, tired, but this time, full of fight, despite depression and grief, and I scream into the void about the decisions being made in this fucking country. Then I switch gears and talk about some media I’ve interacted with this week along with how I’m trying to cope. I talk about the decent “Supreme” decision for a majority of this episode, so if you’re not up for that, you’ve been warned. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want...2022-06-2618 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 92: The Millennial American Dream/Nightmare RantI feel angry, frustrated, tired, lost, hopeless, and I honestly just scream into the void about it for a while. Then I talk about what makes me happy, trying to focus on coping, wishing I could get some perspective on happiness and how to maintain a better mental/emotional state, some manic energy I was spiraling on last week and some decisions based on it. Then I read a journal entry and call it a day. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to...2022-06-1916 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 91: I Just Want to Call My MomThis one gets heavier than normal. I talk about emotional burnout, a very rough week, Pride, Indy 500, hobbies and routines feeling like forced obligations and wondering if it’s burnout or depression making it feel that way, and I also talk about how grief was wrapped up in the rocky week. I also read a VERY intense listener email. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad (or happy or anything in between) life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pa...2022-06-0531 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 90: 2022 Me Looking at 2012 Me in More Ways Than I RealizedSelf-love via Gaga circa 2010-2012 vs 2022, Anterior Pelvic Tilt, yoga, exercise, skateboarding, D&D, video games, reading, writing, COVID brain fog, emotional burn out, Indy 500, Texas and Oklahoma, and another glance at 2012 me vs 2022 me. This episode covers a lot in a short amount of time. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad (or happy or anything in between) life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free t...2022-05-2917 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 89: Mom, Movies, and LonelinessThis one includes discussion about Mother’s Day, post-Mother’s Day blues, an enamel pin, writing, reading, skating, the Hatch Act, and the state of hard world stuff in general. I read a letter I wrote to Mom and ramble about missing movie theaters, feeling a deep loneliness and trying to combat it, and the desire to stop feeling like I want to die. Pysch2Go is the name of the YouTube Channel I talk about at some point in this as well. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you...2022-05-1517 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 88: I Promised My Cat I’d ExistThis one is heavy. It’s Mother’s Day, which snuck up on me, and Roe v Wade has me angry and sad, too. I talk about struggling with today being Mother’s Day, with the leaked information about Roe v Wade. This one is just heavy all around. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad (or happy or anything in between) life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel...2022-05-0811 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 87: Creatively Tapped, Mentally All Over the PlaceI ramble about creativity being hard, still feeling relatively quiet, and loving Greg Mania’s book Born to Be Public: A Memoir. I also talk about heavy topics weighing on me and not having the capacity to really deal with those items still. And somehow, I wind up giving a play-by-play of my early voting experience? I don’t know. I was kind of all over the place this episode. I think I might have just been happy to be up for recording a bit more? I don’t know. As always, I swear and talk about a lot...2022-05-0130 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 86: Mentally Burnt Out, Socially UnavailableAnother shorter episode. I swear as soon as I can, I will record longer episodes again! Still worn out from being sick, still trying to recover from the sick-tired feeling that continues, generally still feeling less stamina, less mental capacity, and just…very tired. Trying to do a check in involved: discussing Easter, being sick, feeling unhelpful for people I care about who are dealing with health stuff right now, what I’ve been reading/doing/trying to do this week. Forgot to say this in the episode, but…please send me your sad stuff or happy stuff just whatev...2022-04-2410 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 85: Another Quick One from Recovery CityJust a quick episode, still not 100%, want less awful than before. After recording, I realized that I am feeling truly depressed and worn out from recovering from being sick so recording was hard because of that. This is another quick update from recovery. Hopefully, I'll be feeling much better soon. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free to follow...2022-04-1708 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 84: Brief Update from SicklandJust a quick episode, still sick, but less sick. Felt horrible not doing an episode two weeks in a row. Talk about The Dropout finale, Community, Easter, and The Batman. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free to follow the podcast on Twitter: @IDKPandemicPod. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, bu...2022-04-1006 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 83: 2 Depressed 2 StruggleI ramble a lot. Mostly about the ways in which depression has affected me, and how I’ve been trying to more actively combat that this week (while also still being pretty depressed), but I talk about Mom and Grandma, missing them, and grappling with the feelings of a life-related transition, and Easter, struggling to make phone calls, especially to certain people, but also how I am struggling to just reach out in general right now. I mention rearranging some space for the life-transition situation, and how I hope having a project will help with the depression. Lots of de...2022-03-2713 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 82: Rattled by a DreamIn this one, I have trouble focusing on what I want to talk about, because I was shaken up by a dream I had right before waking up. I talk a little about D&D, COVID-19 masking changes, and the dream. I also read a listener email. Thank you for writing in. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free...2022-03-2009 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 81: A Week of Feeling QuietIn this one, I talk about feeling quiet, closer to feeling emotionally level despite feeling depressed and generally down. I talk briefly about the things that are probably weighing me down: weather changes, the war in Ukraine, medicine. I talk about writing and the writing group a little, and the kick I got out of Hulu’s miniseries The Dropout. Oh, and I share the poem I wrote a few weeks ago and chickened out of reading a few weeks ago. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. ...2022-03-1313 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 80: Mom-Week Recap and Grief ExhaustionThis one is all about how Mom-Week went, what we did on the day of the anniversary, and how I’m tired of being sad, of feeling weighed down by grief, and getting messages that feel timely. I also mention suicidal thoughts, but just in passing. I talk about self-care and slowing down and trying to figure out how to get back to that. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, yo...2022-03-0631 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 79: Mom-Week Begins, or Grasping at Straws to Stay PositiveDepression, grief, a listener email, and I chicken out of sharing a poem this week – all spoke about while on a performance high from an exhilarating voice acting session. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free to follow the podcast on Twitter: @IDKPandemicPod. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m...2022-03-0121 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 78: Bad Thoughts Brain TimeThis one is about feeling horrible and struggling with suicidal thoughts. Stuff doesn’t bring someone back from the dead, no matter how hard you hold on to the items, it won’t bring somebody back. Also, I’m clinging to what Vox Machina represents as much as I cling to Spider-Man. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to share your sad life-happenings that feel invisible, especially because of the pandemic, you can email me at IDKPandemicPodcast@gmail.com. Feel free to fol...2022-02-2014 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 77: Homesick for Things that No Longer ExistI talk about the regret I feel surrounding the final month of Mom’s life and Grandma’s life, along with what I’m doing to stay in decent mental health headspace, and I try to take a moment to appreciate the hard work I’m doing and finding the confidence to believe in myself. I read a poem I wrote called, “I Dream About Dying,” and I urge people to write in with their struggles during the pandemic. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If you want to...2022-02-1320 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 76: Grief that Doesn’t Feel Like Mine to HaveI talk about some heavy stuff in this one. Missing Mom, feeling the dread as March approaches. Crying over apples and sudden grocery-related memories, followed by feeling weird with strange, out-of-place grief. I mention reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky – if you read it, be ready for some heavy content in that book. I also talk about other things, but these are the highlights that I remember. I also read another email from a listener! As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. If yo...2022-02-0636 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 75: The Eye Drama Migraine TimesThis one is about finishing Spider-Man/Deadpool, watching some shows(!!) – one of which is Peacemaker, which I might accidentally call Peacekeeper? (Sorry, it’s because I like The Hunger Games and mix up the words sometimes.) – and grief and letting go and sharing this podcast feeling a little less awkward. I have a listener email to read that I didn’t read this episode because I have big migraine threatening to swallow me whole. I wanted to do the email justice, and today, I don’t think I could have done that. I will read the email titled “Sunshine Patriots” on...2022-01-3015 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 74: A New Phase of Grief, and the First Ever Listener Email!This one is about writing, a new stage of grief, the booster shot and how it’s affecting my self-care, what I’m doing to deal with emotional pain from the holidays and birthdays and how I could be doing something better about that probably. Reading comics and coming up on finishing a comic series I’ve been reading for a few years now and considering what I’ll read next as far as comics go. I also talk about how hard hometown visits are now, despite being incredibly homesick for the people, the place is difficult to be. I’ve als...2022-01-2329 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 73: The Next Step in Vulnerability (also the Bad Jaw Episode)I talk about the booster shot, my birthday, writing and participating in creative activities, but mostly, I talk about reading and some of the stuff I’ve read recently or over the last year, because my jaw hurts and I feel quiet on the inside. In this one, I also unveil a new feature of this podcast. So, there’s also that. You’ll notice there’s an email address and Twitter handle at the bottom of this description. This episode also contains some rules of engagement concerning how to interact with that information. Also, I think in the e...2022-01-1629 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 72: Scared But Doing It AnywayThis one is all about Betty White, Mom’s birthday, and Harry Potter. Oh! Aaaand the anxiety I'm experiencing about the impending booster shot. Also, a general fear and anxiety about death and people I love and care about dying. Just lots of death and difficult things, and doing things despite those feelings. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy...2022-01-0913 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 71: Mixed Emotions, Depleted CapacitiesWow, I talk a lot in this one! I talk about how Christmas went, how big and heavy the struggle has been to get through the week after Christmas as well, and what we plan to do for Mom’s birthday weekend. I also talk about the pandemic and other people losing people, how that makes me feel. I talk about the 2022 Goodreads Reading Challenge and the goal I set for myself. I talk about all kinds of things in this one. Be warned all around. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy st...2022-01-0221 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 70: Making It to ChristmasI talk about how I plan to help myself make it to Christmas and through the rough days in January, what I’m trying to focus on my energy on, and trying to get to better versions of myself beyond mental illness and physical ailments. Mainly, I talk about how much it sucks that Mom’s gone and how traditions have to change because the old ones hurt or have become impossible, because of my newly identified gluten trouble. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I have...2021-12-2617 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 69: The Dread and the DepressionThis one is about trying to not be so depressed, and what I did in order to try getting out of the depression. I talk about the pandemic, mental health, Christmas, and how I’m feeling about all of it. I really do focus on trying to climb out of the depression, although I’m still highly depressed. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my T...2021-12-1919 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 68: Depression and Non-Linear GriefI’m lucky I even recorded this one! Depression and grief have been kicking my butt, and I talk about that. I also share a journal entry, because I’m so sad and tired. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter.com/cassieprmkhtr) If...2021-12-1213 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 67: Thanksgiving and then Some: An Eventful Two Weeks!I talk about the grief and food anxiety/stressors that played a big role in my week of Thanksgiving and the week after the holiday. I also go a little more in-depth about disordered eating than some might be comfortable with, so go in knowing that there might be a small section you might want to skip if that applies to you. I talk about grief, support systems coming in different packages than you typically expect, and generally just how I have been combatting depression. (Spoiler: I talk about A LOT of ANIMAL CROSSING in relation to managing depression...2021-12-0518 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 66: A Pre-Thanksgiving Hot MessThis week, I ramble about how the introductory writer group meeting went, what I’m reading, and how I’m feeling as Thanksgiving approaches and how I’m feeling in relation to surgery recovery, which includes depression, anxiety, disordered eating related feelings, and all those lovely hard topics I like to talk about. I talk about how my fourth social in person event went (not counting doctor visits!). I also talk about physical activity and what I’ve felt up for lately, and how I’m making a list of indoor activities for the colder, wetter months ahead to combat depr...2021-11-2116 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 65: Postponed Grief, Socializing, and Gluten-Free HolidaysThis one is about grieving my grandma, being frustrated about the pandemic and how it’s wearing me down especially concerning socializing and trying to find a balance between being safe and seeing people, and gluten-free holidays and how that’s feeling tiresome, and how the holidays will have another empty seat. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts...2021-11-1423 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 64: An Unexpected Piece of GriefThis week, I talk about My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman, how much I enjoyed the book, and how it made me feel in relation to my own grief. I also talk about some similarities between grief and recovery, winter depression setting in, suicidal thoughts creeping back into my brain, and I share a piece of writing I’ve done recently. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately...2021-11-0717 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 63: Now and ThenI say a little more about my time in surgery recovery time. I also give some updates around dealing with Halloween. I talk about my frustrations with not being able to help people I love with their grief, and what I’m trying to do in order to help. I talk about my silly website updates and how I’m feeling more and more committed to the podcast. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately...2021-10-3116 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 62: Getting Up to Speed Part 2This episode is all about what happened that second week I was away from recording. This one covers some feelings I have had about getting older, why I loosely followed the Gabby Petito case, learning more about a potential gluten issue, what recovery was like during the first two weeks post-surgery and how my own surgery recovery process brought up a lot of new and unexpected feelings about Mom and her last few months alive and her death. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t...2021-10-2415 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 61: Getting Up to Speed Part 1This episode is all about what happened that first week I was away from recording. Spoiler: it has to be do with my grandma. This one is heavy on the grieve, the pandemic, and a little glimpse into the procedure aftermath. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Tw...2021-10-1722 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 60: Storytelling through Creative CollaborationThis episode is all about my love for my group of friends I run a Dungeons and Dragons game for, how I approach the role of game master, and why the creative process behind the way our game works has been a great lighthouse guiding me through the pandemic. Also, I mention Griffin McElroy, most well-known for eating a banana weird on the internet, being the youngest brother, and 30-under-30 media luminary, on My Brother, My Brother, and Me and The Adventure Zone. He is part of the McElroy Family, and they are, in their own words...2021-10-1019 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 59: For the Love of Spider-ManThis week I keep it light. I just talk about Spider-Man and why I love that character so much. I probably get emotional, and it’s probably tied to heavy topics, but Spider-Man is something that brings me a lot of joy. I spend this episode talking about him and various iterations of him that were pivotal in my life and my affinity for him. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m stil...2021-10-0316 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 58: Creative Writing and a Sneak Peek at a SurpriseI share some creative writing I’ve done lately, and I let a little information about a surprise out of the bag unusually early. Also!! I mention suicide a little jarringly in one of the poems I share. So, be prepared. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twit...2021-09-2612 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 57: Coping Without VicesI talk depression binge-watching TV shows, and what happened when that got taken away from me. And reminding myself about how far my coping skills have come, and how progress counts even when it feels small. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter.com...2021-09-1917 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 56: Busy and Hard TimesI talk about my upcoming procedure, the dread that’s already mounting concerning the holidays, and the way the world still feels bleak. Also, there are some audio disturbances that I just couldn’t get out, so shout out to my neighbors for their guest spots! It’s what I get for recording at a different time of day. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to th...2021-09-1215 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 55: The Good, the Bad, and the AnxietyI talk about anxiety, an upcoming terrifying event, scary things happening back home, my own fears, a wonderful wedding in the woods we got to be included in. And the most exciting part: a new book project I’m currently working on. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) ...2021-09-0515 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 54: Death: Slowly Closing in All the TimeDeath is inevitable, and I am having some big feelings about it. Missing Mom, having a rough week, and people I know are experiencing big, heavy losses right now. Also, I briefly mention suicide and briefly try to find something positive to end the episode on a slightly less heated note. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Prof...2021-08-2922 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 53: Control and EscapeIn this one, I talk about disordered eating, reading, and a weird connection they share for me. I talk about struggling with disordered eating actively in the moment, so if that’s hard for you to listen to, skip this episode. I also talk about reading and what it did for me as a kid, what it continues to do for me as an adult. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m stil...2021-08-2216 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 52: My Happiness Highlights My DepressionI celebrate briefly making it to 52 episodes. I talk about something that makes me happy – or at least a facet of it. I talk about writing and reading, and the first vs third perspectives in writing. I talk about how I want to talk about happy stuff and give my energy to that, but that in searching for what makes me happy, I realize just how depressed I’ve been and how depressed I still feel like I am. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I have...2021-08-1515 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 51: Here’s to One YearI talk about random things making me miss Mom and the surprising things that have brought up pieces of grief. I talk about health scares and how this has served as a reminder that it’s a good idea to focus on the present and making the best of the time presented to you every day. I talk about how I’m working on shifting my mindset from “we can have fun after all the work is done” to “this might be all the time we have so work and fun need to be equally important right now, don’t save fun f...2021-08-0824 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 50: Major Burn Out and DepressionI talk about the importance of mental health while dealing with physical health situations. I talk about struggling with depression and burn out this week, and some things I did for myself in order to combat those feelings, and how I’m still feeling like I’m not 100 percent. I talk about skateboarding, being angry with the universe, the struggle with creating vs not creating, the fear of losing another loved one, and I touch on why I started the podcast and how mind-blowing it is that I have reached 50 episodes. As always, I swear and talk abou...2021-08-0123 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 49: A Week of Shake UpsI talk about having a rough week with life stuff, really wishing I could talk to Mom, things changing quickly, and looking forward to something that wasn’t health-related, depression, anxiety, and self-care through reading, writing, and nourishing my creativity. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitte...2021-07-2516 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 48: Recharging and ReadingEpisode Description: I talk about having a rough week with life stuff and with grief, and just having a really heavy “I need mom” week, and I talk about reading in the world where Mom is dead. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter...2021-07-1821 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 47: Redirecting Energy to CreativityIn this one, I talk about July 4thand the aftermath of another second holiday without Mom. General aspects of grief that are unfolding in new ways for me. Anxiety and how I’m trying to steal my energy back from anxiety to place that energy into better endeavors. And I read a couple pieces I wrote this week. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my...2021-07-1121 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 46: Sad, Wild, and FreeThis time I’m talking about July 4th—Independence Day in the USA—and how it reminds me of Mom, how we’re coming up on the one year anniversary of the podcast, found family, skateboards and skating, and missing Mom, how it’s hard to feel good/not guilty/sad/resentful/upset about having had my own life outside of home while Mom was still alive. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’m stil...2021-07-0420 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 45: Whoops! That’s Depression!This week I talk about emergency room experiences, struggling with depression, worrying about a family emergency, music that reminds me of Mom, working through some frustrations with myself concerning friendships, talking out some ways to redirect my energy to the creative stuff I want to be doing instead of giving energy to stuff I don’t care about or stuff that doesn’t make me feel good. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t made time to participate in the Reedsy Prompts challenges lately, but I’...2021-06-2740 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 44: A Dismount AwayI talk about an emotional overload, having a panic attack during therapy, difficulty with creativity but doing it anyway, the attempts at “normalcy” we’ve experienced recently, and activities I’d like to do more often than I am right now. And then, I talk about a few of Bo Burnham’s songs from his new special Inside and how one is magical and the other one surprisingly hurt so much. After that, I get into some particularly heavy stuff this episode. I discuss suicide in more detail than normal. This might be difficult to listen to for some p...2021-06-2027 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 43: Nerves About NormalI talk about what I’m reading, how I’m doing with anxiety, what game I’m playing, and a fear that’s creeping into my mind concerning the “return to normal” and how “post-pandemic” won’t feel like returning to normal because Mom is dead. Also, side note: I talk about both of these books in a very mingled way and want to be clear here that Heaven’s Eyes is by David Almond, and Where the Forest Meets the Stars by Glendy Vanderah. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've...2021-06-1324 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 42: Leveled Out Anxiety and Tiny Pieces of GriefI talk about my week a little, about anxiety and how it feels more leveled out, how grief sneaks into the corners of days sometimes, and I talk about something somewhat exciting that, due to some very weird circumstances, we tried as fully vaccinated people. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/auth...2021-06-0619 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 41: Feeling Good, Feeling GriefI talk about anxiety and redirecting the anxious energy into reading, and other activities. I talk about how the second vaccine shot went, how Mom let me know she was with us after the shot, and how it feels to be fully vaxxed. I talk about some stuff I am looking forward to doing, things I am hopeful that I might be able to try doing, and how we’ve spent the nice weather. I talk about what I’ve recently finished reading, attending a good poetry reading, and writing. Here is the link for Soul Walker by D...2021-05-3034 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 40: Creativity is my Life RaftI talk about anxiety and how I redirect the anxious energy into creativity, specifically writing and reading. I also talk about being a game master for D&D for my friends and how that’s been another facet of creativity that’s been great. I read a small exercise I did in hopes of trying to focus specifically on improving descriptions. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. DearPandemic.org is not mentioned in this episode, but it’s still a resource I am using a lot right...2021-05-2321 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 39: Combatting My Anxiety with Kindness, Escapism, and FocusI talk about activities I try to engage in or want to engage in to deal with my anxiety. I talk about anxiety, skateboarding, yoga, escapism, painting minis, and trying to be a friend to myself, and how I am trying to get better at identifying and questioning the anxiety. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. DearPandemic.org is not mentioned in this episode, but it’s still a resource I am using a lot right now. I’m including it here, just in case anyone else needs it, too. I have...2021-05-1626 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 38: Mother’s Day: Panic and Pain EditionI talk about anxiety, the vaccine, trying to find ways to honor Mom for Mother’s Day, the anger I feel or want to feel about mom being dead, more non-linear grief, and the anxieties of the week, the way I’m trying to practice self-compassion especially today. I talk about books I am reading, or have recently read, and other things I am hoping to do to take my mind off all the racing and/or painful thoughts. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. DearPandemic.org...2021-05-0926 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 37: Wrangling AnxietyI talk about anxiety, the vaccine, making an emergency/what if binder, reading, how I’m trying to deal with my anxiety better. I talk about how I’m pretty sure I’ll always be a little homesick, missing Mom, Mother’s Day being difficult again, the book I’ve read recently and the books I plan to read soon, and trying to look forward to different things in the near/immediate future. Books I plan to read soon: The World is My Rival by Charlotte Seley and Lesbian Fashion Struggles by Caroline Earlywine. As always, I swear and...2021-05-0234 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 36: Do They Make ER Punch Cards? How Many Visits Do I Need for a Free Coffee?I talk about why my late episode just became a completely skipped episode. I talk about some pretty scary medical situations, so if you’re not up for that, maybe skip this one. I talk about my experience with my first vaccine shot, and how the aftercare process is apparently extremely important, and I did not realize. I talk about Mom letting me know she’s been with me for all of this wild stuff from this week. Also, I don’t say it in the episode, but I would like to just give a huge thank you to...2021-04-2527 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 35: Surprise, Extra Vulnerability?I ramble a lot in this one about the upcoming vaccine appointments, the way Easter played out, the fears I have due to anxiety, how it feels like anxiety is ruining my life, how my cat’s doing with her health issues. How depression and anxiety have been lording over me lately. I mention writing some and trying to read and not feeling very into either attempt. I talk about a coworker who retired and how I feel about it or what this person and their retirement represents to me, and the memories he brought up for me. Honestly, I...2021-04-1142 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 34: The Second EasterI talk about having vaccine appointments, being terrified of all things medical, including this vaccine, and how frustrating that is to grapple with, especially right now. I talk about grief, comfort foods, Easter, and an update on my cat’s health. I talk about creativity and continuing to struggle with feeling good about what I’m writing when and if I’m writing. I wasn’t feeling too hot when I had to record, so this one is a bit short. Oh, and I read a short journal entry. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of h...2021-04-0422 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 33: Always Creeping Up on UsI talk how we’re all going to die eventually, self-doubt and anxiety about using stickers and the link to decision making, shifting my mindset from writer/editor to content creator, and how weird it feels to have a Google Knowledge Panel (and that I have no idea what that means), and creativity and hard life adjustments. I talk about some chronic not feeling great, and I talk a bit more extensively about my time having had COVID-19, reflecting on the experience of having had it a little more in-depth, and how I miss Mom, how holidays round 2 will be...2021-03-2834 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 32: Creativity Saves the DayI talk about how I started the week vs how I ended the week in terms of creativity and feeling up for it. I talk about missing Mom, wishing I could call her, relieved she isn’t here for the pandemic, the mixed feelings I have about the pandemic and the space it created for me, the various types of hope I feel (some of it for the first time in four years), the anxiety of doctors, normalcy, and the unknown. I also talk about my experience with group therapy in relation to creativity being a life raft I sh...2021-03-2129 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 31: Sad Time Anniversaries and Other Emotional ComplexitiesI talk about the frustrations of depression and high functioning anxiety, weather shifts affecting my moods, channeling emotion into art, new job jitters, and just missing Mom a lot. I talk about the pandemic and recalling the beginning of it. I realized my COVID-19 anniversary is coming up as well, and I try to work out some feelings about my cat’s health a little bit. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m stil...2021-03-1419 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 30: A Long Week of GriefI talk about the difficulty of Mom’s one year death anniversary week. Why I’ve clung to creativity in these times, and how I’m feeling lost but here I am. I also talk about Edgar Cantero and his Meddling Kids again. I talk about how the new job feels like a comfort Mom provided me during this week. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and m...2021-03-0717 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 29: The One-Year Marker ApproachesI talk about my last week at work, missing mom, the final week before her death, knowing this is the final weekend before the one-year mark, and I read a journal entry. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast...2021-02-2819 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 15: Ups and Downs! Grief Abounds!I talk about some new progress I'm making with the new treatment plan for my occipital neuralgia, dry eye and new realizations about how I wound up getting the coronavirus in March, my progress with NaNoWriMo, and how D&D is helping me learn discipline, and how I'm applying that to writing and showing up for projects like this podcast. I also talk about thoughts I have about Mom, both from the day she died and the ways in which I want to include her in my life going forward. I talk about the dread I'm feeling about the...2021-02-2832 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 28: Fragility of MemoryA car accident, a snowstorm, two writing competitions, and how I am afraid of losing memories that I no longer have anyone to remind me about if/when I forget. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Circus was a semifinalist in Screencraft's Cinematic Short Story Competition Keeping Up With Jones was a semifinalist in Screencraft's Cinematic Book Competition I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and...2021-02-2123 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 27: The Lowest EnergyIn this one, I talk about still having a hard time with this being the final month before Mom’s one-year marker, loving Lady Gaga, some life updates, the disappointment of the acquittal, grappling with guilt and frustration concerning the process of grief and the non-linear aspect of it. I talk about what reading and writing do for me, and how I need to do more of both, and how I’m trying to practice self-love and compassion. I promise to write something and read it next time. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of h...2021-02-1424 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 26: Month 11: Feeling Mom in the Silver LiningsI talk about writing, editing, Month 11 without Mom, how things may be working out in a lot of different ways all at once, feeling like Mom has something to do with those things happening, feeling mildly okay with the successes I have? As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that and my Twitter. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr --- This episode is s...2021-02-0721 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 25: Never a Boring Moment Around HereI talk about inauguration day, medication debacles, ER visits for people and for pets! I also talk about Mom, and grief activated by cars, mattresses, and medical misadventures. Oh, and some coronavirus exposure, the anxiety around the waiting game of this virus and this pandemic. I skirt the topics of editing and writing at some points in there as well. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. I haven’t had time to participate in the Prompts challenges lately, but I’m still including the link to that...2021-01-3133 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingQuick Update: No Episode TodayLife was incredibly weird this week, and I will be back next weekend to tell you all about it. Thanks for coming by. Thank you for listening. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/cassieprmkhtr/support 2021-01-2400 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 24: January Distractions and a Busy BirthdayI talk about my birthday, practicing self-care, trying to remember to love myself, why I’m still stalled on the artist’s way by Julia Cameron, the way that the current events in the news is keeping me tied up vs focusing on creating, the way depression and some other unexpected reasons are also playing into that inability to focus. I also share a quick personal achievement that is very exciting! I talk about grief and missing Mom, and how weird it is that she’s gone, and I wonder about the seconds vs the firsts of things without her. I...2021-01-1720 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 23: Adrenaline CityI talk about my week started and it ended. The depression and emotional hangovers, the good personal news I received, and oh yeah, how could I not mention the mob that took Capitol Hill in an attempted coup d’état at the behest of the sitting president of the USA?! As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter.com/cassieprmkhtr) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to m...2021-01-1041 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 22: A Delicate Balancing Act, or Ten Months and A Birthday Without YouI talk about the week leading up to Mom’s birthday, the new year, a letter I wrote to Mom, how I’m trying to maintain a leveled-out place emotionally and not allowing grief to take complete control, prose poetry I’m working on, what I’m reading, what I recently finished reading, and how I’m celebrating Mom’s birthday. Happy birthday, Mom. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter.com...2021-01-0328 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 21: Hey, Mom, I Made It?I talk about making it through Christmas without Mom, the dread of the week leading up to, the missed signs that she was with me, the realization of those signs later, and the nerves about her birthday this weekend, and my birthday that comes soon after hers. I read some scattered thoughts I had throughout the last few weeks: just a jumble of thoughts I'd jot down as I was having them. I read a few journal entries with memories related to Mom and how I felt this week, and how I felt on Christmas Eve. As...2020-12-2736 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 20: A Very Occipital Neuralgia HolidayI talk about the occipital neuralgia flare up I'm having, the last few weeks of grief, anxiety, and depression building up and spilling over, the holidays are here, how the universe is reminding me I’m not alone despite what my brain is trying to tell me. I apologize and say I’m sorry about not telling people about this podcast, and I also ramble a bit about what books I’ve recently finished and what I’m focusing on with my craft for writing. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've b...2020-12-2019 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 19: For the Hunger After I'm GoneI talk about missing Mom, a photo and video project I’m embarking on which focuses on leaving behind a nice pool of content after I die, and I also talk about skateboarding, my head/neck issue, and what I’d like to do after the eventual end of the pandemic. As always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassieprmkhtr (https://twitter.com/cassieprmkhtr) --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way t...2020-12-1320 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 18: The Poetry and Grief of Nine Months Without MomI talk about winter arriving, the grief-related and pandemic-related difficulties of December and January, nine months without Mom, writing, poetry, and Dungeons and Dragons, imposter syndrome, saying no to depression, and the weird ways anxiety manifests. I mention a poet and a meditation guide by their names. Here are the links to the things I reference in this episode. Andrew K. Peterson: Good Game Tara Brach – Embodied Spirit Also, as always, I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://bl...2020-12-0623 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 17: Thanksgiving Week, A HistoryI go over the week I had leading up to and including the ever-challenging American Thanksgiving. I rode a lovely emotional rollercoaster for most of the week, but I also talk briefly about finishing the NaNoWriMo story, creativity and how I’m trying to focus on that and on being present. Mainly, I just do a lot of missing Mom this week. Also, side note: I don't think I introduced the show or said my name at the top. This is still I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm still Cassie. I swear and...2020-11-2929 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 16: Pre-TG Jitters or the Importance of Creating During the Worst TimesI talk about why I’ve still kept this secret, why I’m struggling to tell anyone about it, and I also dive into the dread of the holidays and what I’m doing to combat that. Writing and reading are the big helpers this month, despite still being full of heartache. I discuss the importance of art during hard times, and what book I’m currently reading. I swear and talk about a lot of heavy stuff; you've been warned. Reedsy Prompts Profile: Here (https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/cassie-poormokhtar/) Twitter: @cassiepr...2020-11-2241 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 14: Showing Up and Doing the WorkI celebrate the huge win in the USA, and the way the victory does not allow us to un-know the ugliness of our neighbors, and other election-related feels. I talk about eight months without Mom, the way grief is exhausting, the hate I have for myself for useless things, an interview I listened to about grief and writing, and my feelings pre- and post-election. I also talk about writing, reading, and how NaNoWriMo is going. My health garbage from 2019 comes up a little bit. I swear and talk about heavy topics; you have been warned. ...2020-11-0835 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 13: Halloween, Writing, and the Importance of Rest DaysI talk about Halloween, friends from Sweden (don’t worry – I don’t mention it, but I took a lot of precautions for COVID in order to safely see them!), learning and not learning from mistakes, pushing myself too far, respecting rest days, picking a starting point for my attempt to figure out how to freelance, my November break from DMing for my friends I run the D&D game for, NaNoWriMo, and the continual dread of the holidays approaching. I also read my prompt response from last week’s contest for Reedsy Prompts. I stumble through it a little...2020-11-0134 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 12: Grief, Anxiety, Depression, Flu Shots, Gun Shots, and Exhaustion in the Time of CoronaI talk about therapy, medicines, the flu shot, the pandemic, flu season, gun shots. I grumble about the state of politics and the general fusing of politics with entertainment and the frustration and exhaustion of the angry phase of “waking up” from the patriarchy matrix, and the fears I have surrounding medicines and the medical field, anti-depressants/anxiety medications, and that sort of stuff. I talk about grief and Mom, and missing her, and the holidays, and being homesick. I also talk about writing and not having anything to share yet again this episode. While I do not read the...2020-10-2545 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 11: What a Week?!I talk about grief, missing Mom, the pandemic, the fullest week I've had this month, and writing, D&D, and the possibility of NaNoWriMo. Feeling a bit run down today, so the editing is light and I probably make a lot of long pauses because tears, lost trains of thought, that sorta stuff. I just didn't have lots of editing in me today. Oh! And I know I probably swear at some point, and just a reminder, my whole thing here is talking about messy topics, so consider this your trigger warning. Also, here's the link to...2020-10-1836 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 10: Hooray for Double Digits!I talk about missing Mom, the day she died being vivid in my mind and finding solace in not being alone in that, writing/creativity and D&D as life rafts during all of the chaos, guest appearance on my business partner's podcast, still not telling everyone I know about this, yet confessing this exists in a letter to a friend. I also ramble about anxiety attacks related to the sun going down, how I'm working to fix it or navigate dealing with it, and I chatter about some other stuff from therapy. I talk about trigger warnings for...2020-10-1154 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 9: Flawed Characters Made by Flawed PeopleI talk about missing mom, a gay wedding, birthdays, seasonal anxiety joining the party, but mostly I ramble about literary criticism and how art is flawed. I also talk about how I'm working to create and shut out the many voices of criticism. I don't talk about wanting to die in this one, which I think is an improvement for my mental health state? Also, here is the promised link to the my profile on the Reedsy prompt website where I'm doing the weekly prompts. Read the stories by me and by the other participants, or join us in...2020-10-0418 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 8: Emotional Capacity vs the Weight of EverythingTopics covered in this one include: missing Mom, getting good news, celebrating Matt's birthday, working towards goals, emotional exhaustion from grief, the state of the world, and the pandemic, and the importance of using a weekly planner for myself. I also read a little thing I wrote to Mom/about Mom, and I reflect on it a little bit. Also, I realize maybe I'm more depressed than I realized? Consider this a warning for heavy topics, lots of swearing, and also I ramble quite a bit. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way t...2020-09-2734 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 7: RBG, a Call to Action, and Therapy?This one was originally just about being gentle with myself mentally and physically, talking about a moderately productive day off I had, missing Mom, the loneliness of bad health and the loneliness of the pandemic combining with the isolation grief desires, and how everything is really getting to me. And then Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed last night, and this episode became about all of these things AND what her passing has me feeling, and how I feel about things in the US of A. I also reference Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her Instagram speech last night. I talk i...2020-09-2036 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 6: Moments of GriefIn this one, I tried some audio editing tricks. Not sure how I feel about them. It's still a learning process. I talk about the invisible parts of grief, the small things that strike out of nowhere and send me down a spiral of sadness. I also update on Midnight Sun, and what I'm reading now. I talk about creativity as a life raft again and some creative projects I'm trying to build up the nerve to do. I also talk about wishing for death, guilt about sharing my burden, feeling like a bother, and the guilt of not...2020-09-1320 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 5: Finding Ways Back to MyselfI talk about missing Mom, give another update on Midnight Sun, talk about books I'm looking forward to reading next and podcasts I'm listening to. The way little things I'll never get to do with Mom creep up on me comes up, and I ramble about my love for Gaga, writing, haunted houses, and all things October as well as finding my way back to feeling passion and using my passion for good instead of handing it over that energy to my anxiety. I swear a lot. And I talk about death, suicide, grief, you know. The usual things...2020-09-0635 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 4: The Six-Month Marker ApproachesI talk about grief and how it isn't something anyone gets to control for me or anyone else, being on the brink of the six month marker of Mom being gone, an update on reading Midnight Sun. I also ramble about what I used to do with my time before social media, D&D being a life raft. I also read a small thing I wrote concerning my grief: a creative writing exercise based on listening to some grief-related writings at the virtual readings I attend on Fridays. Clayton Spencer's essays about his father finally inspired me enough to...2020-08-3025 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 3: Non-Linear GriefI ramble about missing Mom, therapy, finding my way back to good health, and the importance of good health. Also, I definitely swear in this one. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/cassieprmkhtr/support 2020-08-2330 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 2: The Learning Curve of CreatingThis one is all about the learning curve of audio files, a COVID-19 scare, a new treatment for my ongoing issue, skating, an anniversary weekend, some skating, some reading, and another month without Mom. Also, on a whim, I decided to read something I recently wrote. Thanks for listening. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/cassieprmkhtr/support 2020-08-1619 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 1: Here We Go?I talk about grief, peanut butter meltdowns, skateboarding, breaking myself of perfectionism, and how much it sucks to be unable to call my mom. I'm marking it as explicit, because I can't keep track of when I swear and when I don't. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/cassieprmkhtr/support 2020-08-0929 min

I Have No Idea What I’m DoingEpisode 0: I Have No Idea What I'm DoingThe world is weird right now, and so is my life. Recently, some life changing events have happened, and I need an accountability tool and a creative outlet. So here I am, trying this out to see if this can fulfill these needs. Everything is wild, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Also, I swear a lot most days, so I'll be marking all content as explicit, because I can't keep track of every swear I say. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: h...2020-07-2711 min