Shows
Settling Is Bullshit56 | Expectations Are the (Other) Thief of JoyUnmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other.This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, giving ourselves permission to recalibrate, encouragement to talk openly about our needs, and to take care of ourselves so we can show up well in our lives.You know, the usual.It’s...
2025-11-0320 min
Settling Is Bullshit55 | Creativity and Movement Toward Healing with Somatic Therapist Amanda MelbostadCreativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process.In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore the magic of accessing our creativity and finding safety in our bodies. We also talk about how to find the right therapist, how to open o...
2025-09-301h 04
Settling Is Bullshit54 | Navigating Dating and Rejection (Cultivating Resilience)This episode goes out to anyone who is wandering the minefield of modern dating and needs a little pep talk about rejection. It’s a rallying cry to remember that relationships are all about fit, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s easier to believe that, in the long term, this is for our own good.So, basically, if you want to hear me remind you that things are ultimately going to be okay and that there’s an opportunity for learning and resilience in this experience – give this a listen.If you’re in...
2025-09-1823 min
Settling Is Bullshit53 | Opting Out of Hustle Culture with Matthew Smith, Founder of Wimp DecafIt ain’t easy to step off the beaten path or to swim ashore from the river of what everyone else is doing. But consciously choosing to opt out of hustle culture and the grind of unrealistic expectations isn’t impossible! It’s hard, for sure. It’s also hella worth it.In this conversation with Matthew Smith, founder of Wimp Decaf and multi-passionate entrepreneur, we talk about his journey of stepping off the hustle treadmill and onto the path of living the life he actually wants.The conversation is also about our mutual journeys of sobri...
2025-09-041h 05
Settling Is Bullshit52 | If Nothing Changes, Nothing ChangesWhile it’s a pithy and seemingly obvious statement, the fact remains that: if nothing changes, nothing changes. In other words, if we want things to be different, we have to start doing things differently. This counts for dating, career change, healthy habits, sobriety - any time we want things to be better, easier, or more awesome.So this episode is a pep talk for change and an opportunity for self-compassion around all the ways and reasons that change is hard!I also give you the rundown on the six stages of change – which is real...
2025-08-2826 min
Settling Is Bullshit51 | Embodying Stewardship and Radical Presence with Karma Maymi of Clary Sage HerbariumWhen was the last time you deeply felt your relationship to the world around you? To the land, to the plants, to the ways in which everything is interconnected?In this philosophical and exploratory conversation with Karma Maymi the steward of Clary Sage Herbarium in Portland, Oregon, we discuss the concept of stewardship and what it means to be in relationship with our surroundings. Our discussion delves into the complexities of ownership, the role of conditioning in our lives, and the importance of patience and deep presence in how we show up in our communities....
2025-08-2154 min
Settling Is Bullshit50 | The Insidious Grip of a Fixed MindsetFixed mindset expects instant results. It tells us that if we aren’t immediately good at something, it’s because we lack the talent or capacity. It tells us to give up without really trying. A fixed mindset feeds the inner gremlins of not good enough any time we make a mistake or things don’t turn out perfectly.But, we have to be willing to be bad at things if we ever want to get good at them. And that takes courage and effort. It means cultivating the willingness to bear the discomfort (and occasional indignity) of bei...
2025-08-1319 min
Settling Is Bullshit49 | Embracing Imperfection and the Nonlinear Path with Side-quester Carrie Andersen, PhDFor recovering perfectionists, type-A planners, and those of us who really just want to get an A at life, it can be extra hard to try new things. It can also be super hard when life throws us curve balls and those meticulous plans have to change. But it doesn’t have to be quite so bad! There are a lot of adventures to be had when we can loosen our grip on how things are “supposed” to be.In this conversation with Carrie Andersen, PhD (former educator and valiant career changer), Carrie shares about her blog The Si...
2025-08-081h 04
Settling Is Bullshit48 | Honoring Our LimitationsRather than treating our limitations as problems to be solved or burdens to be borne, what might shift if we treated them with respect and appreciation? Finding our limits means finding our boundaries, and we have the option to view them as useful tools for self-care and safety (instead of cages we’re trying to break out of).If you enjoy this podcast, please consider joining my Patreon to help me cover the production costs and keep this show going. https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshitRead the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/30/honoring-our-limitations/...
2025-07-3022 min
Settling Is Bullshit47 | Reflecting on Fifteen Years of Continuous SobrietyJuly 2nd, 2025 marked fifteen years of continuous sobriety for me. And since I wrote about it two years ago and then recorded an episode about it last year, it seems like marking my time on this platform has become a tradition.But I don’t feel good this week! (I’m kinda sick). So, I sat down and recorded something anyway and captured what’s true for me in this moment.I set out to talk about staying positive without being toxic, and then I ended up having a lot to say about that, as well a...
2025-07-0431 min
Settling Is Bullshit46 | Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFTIf you struggle with a mean inner critic, then this episode is for you, buddy. Unfortunately, it won’t offer a magic solution or quick fix to ridding yourself of that inner voice, but it will help explain what the fuck is going on and offer a pathway to a life filled with greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.In this conversation with art therapist and marriage and family therapist Celine Redfield (they/them), we walk through the concepts of shadow work, parts work, and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. (Spoiler: all of those are basically the sa...
2025-06-261h 01
Settling Is Bullshit45 | Unpacking Conflict by Understanding Our ValuesIf we don’t have clarity about what's most important to us, about the principles we try to live our lives by, it’s no wonder that we end up wandering around feeling a bit aimless. It’s also no wonder that we get into the same arguments over and over again. Values are at the root of most conflict, we just don’t tend to see it that way.In this blog episode, I cover some ways to clarify your values and offer some perspective on how to bring that awareness forward into navigating conflict in your rel...
2025-06-1913 min
Settling Is Bullshit44 | Nourishing Our Relationships with Active Constructive RespondingWhile it’s tremendously important for each of us to have support when things are rough, we also need support when things are awesome. And sometimes, it helps to have a model to follow!Active constructive responding (ACR) is a framework for how we can actively communicate encouragement and support. It’s a useful tool/concept to help all of us show up as better friends, lovers, and general cheerleaders. It provides a clear pathway for nourishing our relationships through our everyday communications.In this blog episode, I explain the mechanics of the ACR framework. Ther...
2025-06-1315 min
Settling Is Bullshit43 | What Colors Can Tell Us About Who We Are with Aura Photographer Selena BekakisDo you gravitate toward certain colors in your life? Do you find yourself looking at the world through rose colored glasses (either literally or figuratively)? Well, it turns out that we’re all in relationship to the world of color, whether we’ve got a picture of our aura or not.In this delightful conversation with aura photographer Selena Bakakis, she walks us through the rainbow – and what the colors in our field can reveal about our outlook and experiences in life.Even if you haven’t had a chance to see your aura, this conversa...
2025-06-0654 min
Settling Is Bullshit42 | Healing Trauma through Expressive Writing with Author and Neuroscientist Dr. Stacey Hettes, PhDNo matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them.Dr. Stacey Hettes knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-traumatic stress response tracing all the way back to her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. With the help of her therapist (and eventually a coach), Stacey was able to w...
2025-05-291h 05
Settling Is Bullshit41 | If You're Freaking Out Right Now (Press Play)Consider this your “In Case of Emergency” episode, my dear. It’s ready for you the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out.If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes.We’ll take some deep breaths together, we’ll co-regulate, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less alone in your big...
2025-05-2221 min
Settling Is Bullshit40 | Leaning Into What You're Already Good At with Strengths Coach Lee PetersonHow often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin.In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally good at – instead of being in a never-ending spin cycle of trying to get better at the stuff we...
2025-05-141h 05
Settling Is Bullshit39 | Rest *And Play* Are Requirements, Not RewardsWe all know that sleep is good for us, but it turns out that play is super good for us, too! Both are vital for healthy brain functioning – though, obviously, sleep is most important in that category. But we need both rest and play in order to live vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful lives.And we don’t have to earn them!! Rest and play are our birthrights. We are allowed to both rest AND play regardless of how “productive” we have or haven’t been!! (Yes – I’m shouting about this!)So this episode is your reminder...
2025-05-0125 min
Settling Is Bullshit38 | Saying "Yes, And" to LifeWe usually don't like to look at it this way, but the truth is that we’re all just making things up as we go along. Life isn’t scripted. And embracing the improv comedy concept of “yes, and” can help us move through the world with greater flexibility, less self-criticism, and an increased capacity to be truly present.This episode is all about helping us learn to tolerate ambiguity, let go of perfectionism, and live from a place of expansion rather than shutting down.My deep and sincere hope for all of us is that we...
2025-04-2321 min
Settling Is Bullshit37 | If You're Feeling Like a F*ck Up...Here is my spontaneous love note to anyone struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, or the shitty fucking stories that like to get their grips on us. In particular, this is for my NeuroSpicy folks, my friends in recovery, and anyone who just feels like it's impossible to fit into the box of what "normal" is supposed to look like.Here's your pep talk, here's your empathy, here's your reminder that the voice that's telling you you're not enough is a liar, and it's mean, and you're not alone in the feeling.xoxoStay tuned...
2025-03-2822 min
Settling Is Bullshit36 | What Mercury Retrograde Means (for You) with Astrologer Fi RussellIt’s that time again – Mercury is going retrograde and things are going to get wacky. But if you want to have a better sense of what that actually means and how it might impact your life in particular, we are here for you!In this conversation with astrologer and energy worker Fi Russell, they walk me through what the heck Mercury retrograde means, why the sign it’s going retrograde through matters, and how to look at the implications of each retrograde in our personal charts.I left feeling a lot clearer on at least...
2025-03-0630 min
Settling Is Bullshit35 | Cultivating Joy Amidst the Sh*t ShowThe world is bananas right now. A lot of us are angry, afraid, and struggling to stay out of the pit of despair. And that makes sense! It’s totally understandable. AND… my offering to you in this episode is the idea that centering ourselves in joy is what will fuel our ability to keep showing up. Joy isn’t the byproduct of things being amazing, it’s the lighter fluid for keeping ourselves alight.If we don’t center our joy, we will burn ourselves out, my love. And now more than ever, claiming your joy m...
2025-02-2723 min
Settling Is Bullshit34 | Reflective Practices and Living Intentionally with Dr. John Miles, PhDWhy do we do the things we do? And, more importantly, why do we keep doing them? Taking the time to reflect – to slow down, look back, and ask ourselves whether the path we’ve been on is the one we want to stay on – helps us be the person we want to be.In this conversation with Dr. John Miles, a writing professor and academic assessment specialist (and my former boss), we talk about the importance of reflective practices to help us move from living on autopilot to living intentionally. Since John and I are bo...
2025-02-201h 02
Settling Is Bullshit33 | Practical Mysticism and Trusting the Divine with Spiritual Counselor Julie DayWhat would it be like to live in a world filled with unconditional love? A world where we fully trusted in ourselves, where we felt utterly supported in showing up for the lessons the universe has laid out for us? It’s aspirational, for sure. But maybe it’s not quite so out of reach as we often feel.In this soul-nourishing conversation with spiritual counselor Julie Day, we talk about how to put that kind of spiritual conviction and mysticism into practice in our daily lives. Offering a vision of a loving, expansive God/Divine/Source, Juli...
2025-02-1359 minSettling Is Bullshit32 | Showing Up For Each OtherEspecially in the midst of chaos, grief, and what very much seems like the apocalypse, what there is to do is show up for each other – in whatever ways we can. The trick, of course, is in recognizing our own capacities and only offering what we actually have to give. Which may not be a lot right now, and that’s okay.But participating in relationships with people we care about means leaning on each other. It means having the willingness and vulnerability to ask for what we need, as well as getting out of our shit by s...
2025-02-0622 min
Settling Is Bullshit31 | Exploring Spirituality through the Body with Movement Teacher Linnea SolviegSpirituality, presence, mindfulness, enlightenment… whatever you want to call it, we don’t just get there through thinking about it all the time. Or even through not thinking about it, if we’re trying the meditation route. Instead, connecting with our sense of being in the world (joyful or uncomfortable as that may be in any given moment) comes through both our thoughts and our bodily experiences. Mind and body aren’t actually separate, after all.In this expansive conversation with artist and movement instructor Linnea Solveig, we muck around in the messiness and discomfort of what it means...
2025-01-301h 13Settling Is Bullshit30 | Normalizing the StruggleAre you on the struggle bus, my friend? If so, you are not alone – even if it super duper feels like it a lot of the time. And, as much as it sucks, the struggle is just a normal part of being human. What there is to do is persist and remember to connect when you can.This episode isn't here to cheer you up or drown you in my usual ebullient positivity. Instead, I'm just offering empathy, witnessing, and some virtual companionship in times when shit just feels really hard (and maybe a bit hopeless). We're ju...
2025-01-2321 min
Settling Is Bullshit29 | Intuition & The Reclamation of Feminine Wisdom with Depth Coach Andrea LedaWhat if your intuition could be your secret weapon for changing the world? Seriously! What would shift if you thought about listening to your inner wisdom as a downright revolutionary act on both the personal and collective stage?In this lovely conversation with depth coach Andrea Leda, we unpack the magic and power of feminine intuition as a tool for breaking free from societal expectations and living authentically. And, ya know, smashing the patriarchy while we're at it!As we see it, reclaiming our intuition is a radical act of self-liberation. Our intuition is a...
2025-01-091h 09Settling Is Bullshit28 | Intentions Are Better Than Goals (Especially for the New Year)It's a new year, same you, my love! Except not the same. Because SOMETHING has changed since the last new year. And this little hybrid episode is a pep-talk for setting an intention for who you want to be in 2025 rather than getting lost in the details of all the goals you want to accomplish. (Though we do still love our goals. Gold stars all year!)In this episode, I read and reflect on the post I wrote for New Year's 2023: "Forget Goals. Set Intentions Instead," and share about what's changed, what hasn't, and what I'm intending...
2025-01-0118 minSettling Is Bullshit27 | What It Means to Prioritize OurselvesTo prioritize something means to treat it as more important than other things, which means only one thing gets to be a priority at a time. So it’s kind of no wonder that the idea of putting ourselves first, of prioritizing ourselves, can feel like a really big ask.However! You, my darling, are a gift to this world. You have something delicious and unique and exceptional to offer. And putting yourself on the backburner is actually doing the rest of the world a disservice.So, here are some ways to start (or continue) pr...
2024-12-1221 min
Settling Is Bullshit26 | A Clown's Take on Gender (Euphoria) with Theatre Maker Ania UpstillLiving in human bodies in contemporary society means all of us have to engage with gender in some capacity. Woman, man, trans person, non-binary, gender-free… moving through the world means navigating and/or disrupting societal gender norms. And how cool would it be if we could all walk around feeling not just comfortable with our gender but downright euphoric about it?!Today’s guest helps us think about gender with a bit of playfulness and a lot of curiosity. Performer, theater artist, educator, and clown Ania Upstill (they/them) shares their experience with gender identity, perfectionism, and the...
2024-12-0558 minSettling Is BullshitBlog - Taking No for an AnswerIn the spirit of the holiday season and last week's episode on boundaries and self-care, I figured it might be good for all of us to revisit one of my older blog posts about saying (and accepting) no. I want to live in a culture that supports healthy boundaries. And healthy boundaries entail respecting people’s “no,” especially our own. Learning to graciously take no for an answer has helped me, in turn, learn how to get more comfortable telling other people no (i.e. learn to respect and hold my own boundaries).So let’s take a...
2024-11-2709 min
Settling Is Bullshit25 | Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny TryanskySetting boundaries and practicing self-care are hard things to do – especially during the holiday season. But finding a clear sense of our actual capacity and remembering to check in with our body’s needs are important skills the whole year round.In this great conversation with personal development coach Jenny Tryansky, we explore the necessity of being a “rested self" and delve into the complexities of energy management, rest, and self-regulation, particularly in the context of family dynamics during the holidays.It’s a lovely reminder to all of us that we have permission to take car...
2024-11-201h 10
Settling Is Bullshit24 | In Praise of Gentle ConsistencyEspecially during chaotic times, gentleness is the way forward. Today's episode is a pep talk for all of us trying to make changes in our lives. It offers us the reminder that we can get where we want to go through showing up as best we can without beating ourselves up for falling short of our own unrealistic expectations. (like always getting episodes out exactly on time! lol).Cool shit unfolds a day at a time when we just keep showing up.Also! I'm giving away stickers!! As mentioned in the episode, please leave a...
2024-11-1424 minSettling Is BullshitChoosing Love & Connection Over Fear & DespairA short love note to those of us who are grieving after the election. Here's our reminder that we're not alone and that we can choose to lean into each other instead of letting the spin out consume us. "Moving from Fear to Love" – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/27/moving-from-fear-to-love/Quote from Howard Zinn: “To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.What we choose to emphasize in this comp...
2024-11-0707 min
Settling Is Bullshit23 | Becoming Cheerleaders for Each OtherEspecially when times are tough (and the world feels full of doom and gloom), we need cheerleaders in our lives – people who will believe in us when we can't believe in ourselves. And when we can't believe in big, cool shit for ourselves, it can be easier to believe in it for others. So! Let's all be the change we want to see in the world and offer our support, encouragement, and enthusiasm to each other. It'll become a reciprocal snowball of awesome!This is a blog episode, but in a new twist, I offer a...
2024-10-3012 min
Settling Is Bullshit22 | Embracing Everyday Magic with Tarot Reader & Witch Julie MillerWhether we call it magic, prayer, intention, or simply mindfulness, there is power in how we show up in our lives. It’s often just a matter of how much we’re actually paying attention.In this delightful and seasonally appropriate conversation with tarot reader and witch Julie Miller, we talk about what it means to embrace the magic of the everyday activities that so many of us pour our love and intention into: cooking, gardening, crafts, and whispers to the universe. We also touch on the misery of denying our own authenticity, the freedom and...
2024-10-231h 01
Settling Is Bullshit21 | Befriending Your Nervous System Part 2 with Body Wisdom Coach Marjorie SchreursHow do our bodies store trauma and what does that even mean? Why does getting triggered hijack our capacity to think straight? And what the heck can we do to heal from our past and nurture a well-regulated nervous system so we’re not freaking out all the time?! Well, listen in my love! In the second part of this two-part series, coach extraordinaire Marjorie Schreurs answers all those questions and more – including a conversation about how and why psychedelics help with healing trauma. While this episode can stand on its own (mostly), I’d recomm...
2024-10-1643 min
Settling Is Bullshit20 | Befriending Your Nervous System (Part 1): Understanding Activation with Body Wisdom Coach Marjorie SchreursHow well do you hear the signals your body is sending, my love? Most of us either don’t hear so well or too often choose not to listen... and the consequences can look like burnout, meltdowns, freak outs, and tantrums, or chronic fatigue, self-criticism, and general cranky-pants-ness. So! Got a body? This episode is for you! It’s the first installment of a two-part conversation with body wisdom coach Marjorie Schreurs, where we dive deep on how important it is to pay attention to the multitude of signals our bodies are sending us – so that we can ta...
2024-10-0945 minSettling Is Bullshit19 | The Difference between Settling and AcceptanceWhen life is doing shit that we don’t like, acceptance is the jumping off point, y’all. Settling is the crash landing. Or maybe it’s the getting stuck on a sandbar landing. Settling is definitely muddy and gross, and I do not wish it upon any of you beautiful souls! Acceptance, on the other hand, is key to figuring our way out of the quagmire of settling. Once we identify and accept the things we cannot change, only then can we find our way to the areas in our life where we do have agency and ch...
2024-10-0223 min
Settling Is Bullshit18 | How Trauma Disrupts Our Capacity for Joy with Dr. Stephanie Goldsmith, PhDWe all have trauma, y’all. It just might not be Trauma with a capital T. Instead, many/most of us are just wandering around on this journey of life getting hijacked by our little-t trauma responses without even knowing it!That’s why I brought in a globally-renowned trauma expert to talk to us about how trauma gets in the way of our joy. And, in full transparency, Dr. Stephanie Goldsmith, PhD is also one of my best friends from college. So, you know this will be fun. That’s right, I said it. A fun conver...
2024-09-251h 04Settling Is Bullshit17 | A Pep Talk for Patience!Season two is finally here! And getting it launched took longer than I had hoped/anticipated, which ended up being juicy fodder for an evergreen topic: PATIENCE! We all need it. We all have a hard time with it. And we can now all come back to this episode when we're struggling around it.This is a 20ish minute pep talk, mini-meditation, and practical exercise all rolled into one that applies universally to any topic that we're feeling impatient about.Huge shout out to the fabulous designers at The Sly Studio for the magnificent new...
2024-09-1821 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - If You Can’t Love Yourself, How Can You Trust That Others Do?Self-love is an inside job. And this is your pep-talk for recognizing and appreciating your own awesomeness. It's there! I promise! The trick is just to start looking for the good in ourselves instead of focusing on what we don't have or what we're bad at – none of that shit really matters! Wherever you are on your self-love journey, there is hope!This one includes some juicy journal prompts and practical exercises, so check out the original post to put things into practice: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/02/20/if-you-cant-love-yourself-how-can-you-trust-that-others-do/
2024-08-2814 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - What If *Everything* Counted?What would shift if we all gave ourselves a bit more credit (or brownie points or gold stars) for all the things we do? Whether it's a single squat or one minute of meditation or one sentence of writing, how much might we accomplish if even the little shit counted (as better than nothing)?Read the transcript/original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/29/what-if-everything-counted/
2024-08-2111 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Escaping the Mire of Faux FeelingsWondering WTF a faux feeling is? While you might not be familiar with the term, it's pretty likely you'll know what we're talking about: "feeling" unappreciated, manipulated, judged, ignored... it's a long list of not-actual-feelings that we can get trapped in when we're trying to navigate conflict with the people in our lives. Read the original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/10/26/escaping-the-mire-of-faux-feelings/And the companion post on nonviolent communication: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/11/27/the-life-changing-magic-of-nonviolent-communication/
2024-08-1410 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Permission to Change Your MindA deeply relevant reminder that we are all always allowed to change our minds – in decisions big and small. So if you need that reminder, this is an excellent one. Permission granted!Read along at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/08/02/permission-to-change-your-mind/
2024-08-0709 minSettling Is BullshitThe Necessity of Rest + SEASON BREAK!We all need to take a break sometimes, and this episode is both a reminder and announcement! I'll be taking the next few weeks off for a much-needed season break, and this episode is a lovely little pep talk for you to take some time off, too.
2024-07-3111 minSettling Is Bullshit16 | Making Brave ChoicesWe all have shit going on in our lives that scares us, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as fear. And that means we all have to make brave choices sometimes, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as bravery. But facing our shit – whether it’s the big, heavy stuff, or the seemingly inconsequential stuff we keep putting off – requires courage. It requires bravery. So this episode is your pep talk for taking action. It’s a reminder that you’re not alone in not wanting to face the thing, and also that you...
2024-07-1718 min
Settling Is Bullshit15 | Adopting a F**k Around and Find Out Approach to Life with Mindset Coach Ally RounsleySwearing is caring, y’all! And in this extra sweary episode, mindset coach and recovering perfectionist Ally Rounsley takes us on a deep dive into how to build resilience by stepping into a f*ck around and find out (FAAFO) mentality. Though, not in the getting-into-fights sense that this phrasing sometimes implies. (And also not in a sexy-time connotation, but you do you!) We’re tackling this in the “stop taking everything so seriously and just TRY and see what happens” kind of way.In addition to sharing how she’s applied this to her own life and coachi...
2024-07-1053 minSettling Is Bullshit14 | Honoring Anniversaries of Sobriety and Other MilestonesYesterday marked my 14th anniversary of getting sober – which is a big deal! And also tends to stir up a lot of weird emotions: ambiguous grief, an intense combination of gratitude and longing, lots of hope and heaviness at the same time… So this episode is very much about my recovery specifically, but also about pausing to reflect on how far we’ve come – any of us, around anything we’ve been working toward or events that have changed us.The invitations I offer here are to reflect on where you were a year ago and all the things...
2024-07-0322 min
Settling Is Bullshit13 | On Creativity, Identity, Queerness, and Belonging with Filmmaker Jacob CombsIn this lovely, vulnerable conversation with filmmaker Jacob Combs, we explore the ways that personal identity evolves over time, and how a vast range of experiences accumulate to form the rich tapestry of the person each of us gets to become. We unpack our experiences with creative evolution, our mutual journeys of queer identity, and what it means to belong to both ourselves and to our chosen communities.Jacob's newest film – The Orange at the Seder - explores themes of queerness, chosen family, tradition, and belonging, and it will premiere next month at the LA Shorts International Fi...
2024-06-2657 minSettling Is Bullshit12 | Sharing Our Tenderness and Navigating Vulnerability HangoversSharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most of us crave.This episode serves as a reminder that vulnerability is worth it, and also offers support around the almost-always-inevitable vulnerability hangover. Having the language of vulnerability hangover and the capacity to recognize when one is happening opens up the door...
2024-06-1922 min
Settling Is Bullshit11 | Emotional Archeology and the Joy of (Queer) Authenticity with Coach Jayme RoderickFiguring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot of trial and error, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to get one step closer to learning what we do.In this magical conversation with one of my very favorite humans, we talk about Jayme’s journey of gender i...
2024-06-121h 01Settling Is Bullshit10 | Be the Weirdo Who Dares to EnjoyMost of us have parts of ourselves that leave us feeling like a weirdo. We have hobbies or interests that we keep quiet about because we're worried about what other people will think. This episode is a pep talk for letting go of all that gunk and letting our metaphorical freak flags fly – even if they're just those little mini flags and we only wave them in our living rooms. We gotta start somewhere!Today's invitation is to take a peek at the parts of ourselves that we tend to try and hide away, and to invite th...
2024-06-0520 minSettling Is Bullshit09 | Holding Out for Spiritual Partnership with Coach Lisa Lewis-CogswellHolding out for the right person takes a lot of courage, resilience, and self-awareness. It also takes hope! And coach Lisa Lewis-Cogswell’s long and winding love story is a hefty dose of inspiration for anyone trudging the long road of searching for genuine partnership.We talk about what it feels like to surrender, to listen to your knowing, to open your heart, to cultivate hope, and to manifest the shit out of finding your person – even if it takes a couple of decades. Plus, the healing that happens when you do finally meet your match and have...
2024-05-3054 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Habits and Routines and Rituals, Oh My!Understanding the mechanisms of habits, as well as the differences between rituals and routines, gives us the power to make positive changes in our lives. And inviting love into the process of change can make it feel a whole lot lighter.To read along, visit the website: SettlingIsBullshit.com
2024-05-2810 minSettling Is Bullshit08 | Recharging Your BatteriesWhile it's easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn't always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we're trying to fill up on, we're probably just going to stay stuck in the same spin cycle of exhaustion. This episode is your reminder and invitation to check in with yourself and get clear on which of your batteries is actually running low – ph...
2024-05-2220 minSettling Is Bullshit07 | Guilt-free Pleasures and Chasing Your Dreams with Romance Novelist Alyssa JarrettLet’s talk about sex, baby! Or, talk about how reading and writing about sex is a guilt-free, shame-free political act. That’s right, in this conversation with the fabulous debut romance novelist Alyssa Jarrett we go on a wild ride about feminism, authenticity, identity, privilege, pursuing our creativity in the face of nay-sayers, and… werewolf erotica. (She doesn’t write werewolf erotica, but we both celebrate those who do!)Fuck “guilty pleasures.” This episode is a battle cry for liking what we like, not yucking anyone’s yum, and going all in on our dreams. It’s an absolute tr...
2024-05-1555 minSettling Is Bullshit06 | Giving Yourself PermissionA lot of times, the first step in personal growth – in expanding into a bigger, better version of ourselves – is giving ourselves permission. There is safety in the familiar, and for many of us, stepping outside the bounds of that comfort requires a sense of permission, a sense that we're allowed to do the thing that we want to do (or that scares us but we know will ultimately be for our good). Even if you aren't a recovering people pleaser or perfectionist, everyone operates by a set of self-imposed rules that can be hard to break or b...
2024-05-0823 minSettling Is Bullshit05 | Embracing the Messy Sides of Self-love with Dawn ChurchThe happy shiny aspects of self-love might get the most time in the spotlight, but the messy parts are just as in need of our attention. In this delightful conversation with personal coach Dawn Church, we talk about how experiencing the full range of self-love involves welcoming and attending to all parts of ourselves, even the ones we'd prefer to ignore. Dawn even manages to convince me that meltdowns are a form of self-love and self-care, much as we might hate them while they’re happening.Resources, References, and Links:Dawn’s website: Tempered – https://www.te...
2024-05-0157 minSettling Is Bullshit04 | The Joy and Discomfort of Trying New ThingsFor a lot of us, trying new things (aka learning) can be deeply, wrenchingly uncomfortable. It can also be super duper awesome, especially on the other side. There is joy to be found in our expansion, in our stepping out or into the world of possibility and weathering the discomfort that comes from growth. This is your pep talk and invitation to try something new – even if it's just telling yourself how fucking awesome you are.
2024-04-2419 minSettling Is Bullshit03 | Using Movement to Shift Perspective with Dr. Sarah RothIn this conversation with Dr. Sarah Roth, an ER physician and fulfillment coach, we chat about the neuroscience of change and the way that physically moving our bodies can facilitate shifts in mood and mindset. Because our connective tissue has more neurons and neuroreceptors than any other organ in the body, any physical movement we make can have a substantial impact on our mental outlook – which we can leverage when trying to implement changes in our lives. Sarah and I also talk about the importance of self-awareness and choice, the need for self-compassion and self-care, and the ways that in...
2024-04-1742 minSettling Is Bullshit02 | Comparison Is the Thief of JoyComparison robs us of our capacity to feel joyful, it stifles creativity, it drags us down and fuels our inner critics – if we let it. The reality is we have a lot more choice and agency around comparison than we often think, and my encouragement here is to find the comparisons that spark inspiration rather than defeat. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/References: The Psychology of Money
2024-04-1125 minSettling Is Bullshit01 | Whatever It Is, Just F*cking Start! (Podcast Edition)The inaugural episode of the podcast! It's unscripted! It's imperfect! It's an act of courage and creativity, and a raw pep talk for you and for me to just get started on the things we want for ourselves. We have to start somewhere, even if it means holding onto our Squishmallows and just hitting record.
2024-04-1021 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Viewing Our Past with GenerosityWhen we stumble across relics of our past, we're presented with an opportunity: we can use it as fodder for the inner critic, or we can, instead, choose to contemplate who we once were through the lens of curiosity and kindness.To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/
2024-04-1008 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Action Fuels Motivation (Seriously)Maybe getting shit done has less to do with motivation and more to do with action. In other words: We can’t wait for the motivation to appear. We have to act our way into feeling motivated.To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/
2024-04-1008 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Dating Is Supposed to Be FUNDating isn’t supposed to be terrible. It’s not supposed to be a chore. It’s not supposed to be something we dread or make ourselves do. It shouldn’t suck the fucking life out of us. Dating is supposed to be fun. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/
2024-04-1011 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Doing Things Imperfectly – In PublicHere’s the radical proposition we’ll be working through: if we want to get out from under the roiling doom cloud of perfectionism and its acid rain of self-criticism, our work begins with permission to fuck some shit up – ideally in front of other people. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/16/doing-things-imperfectly-in-public/
2024-04-1010 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Permission to Be UnoriginalThe idea that our contributions to the world only matter if they are somehow new and edgy and original is bullshit. It’s the story our inner saboteurs come up with to keep us small and safe and protected from disappointment. I hereby hand you permission to be exactly yourself! It's awesome! I promise. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/22/permission-to-be-unoriginal/
2024-04-1008 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Your Needs Are Not a FailingWe all need a whole lot of stuff all of the time – all of which is normal. All of it. And we have to stop being mean to ourselves for needing stuff. Once we can be gentle with ourselves, it gets easier to ensure our needs are met. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/06/23/your-needs-are-not-a-failing/
2024-04-1009 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Deciding People Mean WellWhile it might not feel like it, people really aren't usually trying to be assholes. And we can generally make our own lives a lot easier by deciding that they mean well (even if they still do shit that drives us bonkers). To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/06/09/deciding-people-mean-well/
2024-04-1008 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a ChoiceWe talk a lot about "feeling" hopeful, but the truth is that hope is actually a way of thinking rather than an emotion. It's a tool we can train ourselves to use; something we can explore when we need to find our way forward. To read along, visit the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/
2024-04-1009 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Start Talking to Yourself Like a FriendLetting go of negative self-talk is so important! And it starts with actually noticing all the mean shit that your inner critic is saying to you. The more we repeat affirming, self-compassionate things, the more we build our sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem. To read along, visit the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/01/17/start-talking-to-yourself-like-a-friend/
2024-04-1007 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Moving from Fear to Love What would you do in your life if you weren't afraid? How much more freedom would you feel on a daily basis if you chose love over fear? It's a tall order, but choosing love is an excellent path to finding more joy and fulfillment in our lives. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/27/moving-from-fear-to-love/
2024-04-1010 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Fear Is a Sneaky F*cker!When we pause to really look at what's got us angry or upset or sad - it almost always comes down to fear. That's what makes it such a sneaky fucker. We often don't realize how the root cause is usually that we're afraid of either losing something we have or not getting what we want. Read along by visiting the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/14/fear-is-a-sneaky-fcker/
2024-04-0907 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - What If Nobody Is Broken?Letting go of the story that we're broken (or that other people are broken) frees us up to find greater compassion, healing, and capacity for joy. The lie of "brokenness" is just a shitty story we have to stop telling ourselves. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/07/what-if-nobody-is-broken/
2024-04-0912 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - WTF Is Settling Is Bullshit?An introduction to the concepts and ideas we'll cover on the blog (and podcast). Definitions of "settling" and a discussion of the difference between settling and finding our "good enough." To read along, visit the blog: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/02/wtf-is-settling-is-bullsht/
2024-04-0910 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Whatever It Is, Just F*cking StartBlog number 2: a pep talk about getting started on anything. From creative projects to habit change, we have to stop waiting for the perfect conditions and just start anyway. Visit the website to read along: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/11/16/whatever-it-is-just-fking-start/
2024-04-0911 min
Settling Is BullshitBlog - Healthy Breakups: Holding Space for Grief and GratitudeVoice recording of the first blog post on Settling Is Bullshit: "Healthy Breakups: Holding Space for Grief and Gratitude" Discussion of what "success" means in a relationship, how to navigate conflicting feelings, and the importance of acknowledging the struggle.
2024-04-0908 min
Settling Is BullshitIntroducing Settling Is Bullshit! The Podcast!Welcome to the natural evolution of Settling Is Bullshit – a mishmash of sweary life advice that began as a blog in November of 2022. Created for humans trying to get better at adulting and being nice to ourselves, we'll talk about trauma, vulnerability, authenticity, self-compassion, and all the good shit that helps us show up for ourselves and each other just a little bit better every day.Visit the website for more information about your host and to read the blog posts with your eyeballs: https://settlingisbullshit.com/
2024-04-0905 min