Shows
The Interracial CoupleHow Do You Know When to Push, Pivot or Quit? #S2E23Change is inevitable in all areas of life, whether it's business or relationships. This ultimately means that our expectations and commitments need to be reassessed as time goes on. How do you know when to stick with the commitments you made, or when to pivot or quit once and for all.On this episode, Cera speaks on the burnout she feels after podcasting for 70 weeks straight. Will this be our last podcast?2021-06-1523 min
The Interracial CoupleWhy Traveling as a Couple Strengthens your Relationship #S2Ep20Traveling as a couple, more so as an interracial couple, has its benefits as well as challenges.On this episode, Matthew and I discuss the experiences we have had traveling solo and as a couple, and also traveling in our home towns versus traveling to other cities and distant lands.This follows the monthly challenge #11 from The Lover's Journal: This month you are going to be a tourist in your own town. Go the the museum, take the train to downtown, visit the farmer market, and whatever else your city is known for.2021-05-2525 min
The Interracial CoupleIs Criticism Your Love Language? #S2Ep18Matthew and I have a hard time accepting compliments and love back, yet we welcome criticism way better. Does this mean criticism is our love language?On this episode, as per the Week 15 prompts of The Lover's Journal, we discuss what we admire most about each other as lovers, and what we need to do so our relationship can grow from just good to healthier and enduring.2021-05-0421 min
The Interracial CoupleThe Benefits of Communicating with Clarity to your Relationship #S2E15Do you and your partner have challenges communicating? Cera and I had communication issues too. We had to put in a lot of inner work to get to a point where we can communicate our needs with clarity.On this episode of The Interracial Couple we discuss how we overcame our communication troubles, and also our responses to the Lover's Journal prompts for Week 12:1. What are the 3 elements that make your relationship wonderful/ meaningful?2. What is the 1 challenge from your relationship that your now see its benefit to your life/ love life?2021-04-1325 minThe Interracial CoupleHow Serving Your Community Feeds Happiness into your Relationship #S2E13After our anniversary weekend I ended up in a funk. Drinking has that depressing effect on me sometimes. I tried all I could to get rid of the grumpiness: yoga, reading, Netflix, long showers... Nothing worked. Not even talking to my partner, Matthew.Fortunately, he did not take it personal (and wondered how I could mark our anniversary with sorrows and questioning the choices I've made in my life) nor did he take it upon himself to 'fix' me.It wasn't until we had our regular TikTok live and interacted with our online community there...2021-03-3029 min
The Interracial CoupleGenerosity and Gratitude in a Healthy Relationship #S2E12Expression of gratitude is essential in a relationship. This way a partner never gets to feel that their generosity is being taken for granted. This is not to say that generosity is done with the expectation of something being done in return.In this week's episode, we discuss the things we're grateful to our for: from Cera's choice to adopt levity when tough times come, to Matthew continuing on with the morning kiss challenge from last month.The Lover's Journal Week 10 prompts are:1. List 6 things that your partner did this week that you're grateful...2021-03-2328 min
The Interracial CoupleOur Surprise Proposal that WASN'T a Surprise | The Lover's Journal Week 5Are all lovers predestined to meet? I believe Cera and I were predestined to meet and fall in love. I also believe it's predestined that today's the last day I call her my girlfriend. Are we breaking up?On today's episode, we explore the question of predestination, the origins of the challenges featured in The Lover's Journal, and our entries to the journaling prompts for week 5:1. What mutual goals would you like to accomplish with your lover this year?2. What specific actions can you and your lover take to make these happen?3. How can...2021-02-1129 min
The Interracial CoupleToday's the Last Day We're Boyfriend & Girlfriend | The Lover's Journal Week 5Are all lovers predestined to meet? I believe Cera and I were predestined to meet and fall in love. I also believe it's predestined that today's the last day I call her my girlfriend. Are we breaking up?On today's episode, we explore the question of predestination, the origins of the challenges featured in the Lover's Journal, and our entries to the journaling prompts for week 5:1. What mutual goals would you like to accomplish with your lover this year?2. What specific actions can you and your lover take to make these happen?3. How can...2021-02-1129 min
The Interracial CoupleHow Do You Show Up Authentically for Your Relationship While You & Your Partner are Out of Sync? | The Lover's Journal Week 2 #S2E4The Lover's Journal prompts for week 2 are: 1. List 5 things about your partner that make you smile and2. how can you show up more authentically for your relationship this week?Answering the above questions proved a bit difficult since this week as Cera has been a bit depressed. This meant that our usual rhythm has been thrown out of whack. So in order to turn up for the relationship more authentically this week, I make a commitment to allow her space to recover her spirits while also allowing myself the time to center myself so I c...2021-01-2628 min
The Interracial CoupleHow Do You Show Up Authentically for Your Relationship While You & Your Partner are Out of Sync? | The Lover's Journal Week 2 #S2E4The Lover's Journal prompts for week 2 are: 1. List 5 things about your partner that make you smile and2. how can you show up more authentically for your relationship this week?Answering the above questions proved a bit difficult since this week as Cera has been a bit depressed. This meant that our usual rhythm has been thrown out of whack. So in order to turn up for the relationship more authentically this week, I make a commitment to allow her space to recover her spirits while also allowing myself the time...2021-01-2628 min
The Interracial Couple10 Things That Made You Fall in Love With Your Partner | The Lover's Journal Week 1 #S2E2What made you fall in love with your partner? Are they still there? What do they do everyday that makes you two stay in love?On this episode, Matthew and Cera make their first entries into their Lover's Journal. This week's prompt is: List the top 10 things that made you fall in love with your lover. They range from Matthew's ability for active listening and being a family man, and Cera's sense of humor and constant thirst for inner work to make the relationship work. Some of the reasons we fell in love are common to each...2021-01-1229 min
The Interracial Couple10 Things That Made You Fall in Love With Your Partner | The Lover's Journal Week 1 #S2E2What made you fall in love with your partner? Are they still there? What do they do everyday that makes you two stay in love?On this episode, Matthew and Cera make their first entries into The Lover's Journal. This week's prompt is: List the top 10 things that made you fall in love with your lover. They range from Matthew's ability for active listening and being a family man, and Cera's sense of humor and constant thirst for inner work to make the relationship work. Some of the reasons we fell in love are common to each...2021-01-1229 min
The Interracial CoupleThe Differences Between Arguing With Your Partner And Fighting #46Every couple argues -but when does it turn from simply arguing to fighting?On this weeks podcast, we discuss:1. the differences between arguing and fighting2. how Cera learnt to fight for the relationship instead of leaving to avoid conflict3. how Matthew came to appreciate compromise as something that can make the relationship healthy4. the most common causes of our arguments/ fights as a couple5. why the holiday season is stressful for couples and how to resolve these disagreements with your partner BIOS2020-12-2832 min
The Interracial CoupleThe Differences Between Arguing With Your Partner And Fighting #46Every couple argues -but when does it turn from simply arguing to fighting?On this weeks podcast, we discuss:1. the differences between arguing and fighting2. how Cera learnt to fight for the relationship instead of leaving to avoid conflict3. how Matthew came to appreciate compromise as something that can make the relationship healthy4. the most common causes of our arguments/ fights as a couple5. why the holiday season is stressful for couples and how to resolve these disagreements with your partner BIOS2020-12-2832 min
The Interracial CoupleLearning by Doing Vs. Learning While Doing #45With most things we do in life, we have to jump in and learn on the go. No books, training or advice for others can ever prepare us fully as the experience we get from doing something by ourselves. For instance, you cannot study how relationships work unless you’re in one.Today on The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss the value of going through the process and learning by/ while doing and:-how we anticipate challenges in our relationship and prepared to overcome them-the necessity of failing at th...2020-12-2231 min
The Interracial CoupleLearning by Doing Vs. Learning While Doing #45With most things we do in life, we have to jump in and learn on the go. No books, training or advice for others can ever prepare us fully as the experience we get from doing something by ourselves. For instance, you cannot study how relationships work unless you’re in one.Today on The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss the value of going through the process and learning by/ while doing and:-how we anticipate challenges in our relationship and prepared to overcome them-the necessity of failing at...2020-12-2231 min
The Interracial CoupleIs Watching Porn Cheating #42Is watching porn any different from watching Netflix? According to Cera it's all the same since we're not our thoughts therefore it cannot be cheating if I get off on watching hot videos of other women. Even then, I must admit I'd feel humiliated if my girlfriend walked in on me watching the stuff. On this Episode (42) of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:1. Is watching porn cheating?2. When does watching porn become a problem for you and the relationship?3. How to handle your partner's porn habit and insecurities that arise f...2020-12-0130 min
The Interracial CoupleIs Watching Porn Cheating #42Is watching porn any different from watching Netflix? According to Cera it's all the same since we're not our thoughts therefore it cannot be cheating if I get off on watching hot videos of other women. Even then, I must admit I'd feel humiliated if my girlfriend walked in on me watching the stuff. On this Episode (42) of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:1. Is watching porn cheating?2. When does watching porn become a problem for you and the relationship?3. How to handle your partner's porn habit and insecurities that arise...2020-12-0130 min
The Interracial CoupleAre You Setting Your Partner Up To Fail With Pressure On Them To Fulfill All Your Needs? #43One of the reasons relationships fail is our expectations that one partner will become our everything and fulfill all our needs in this life. No one person should be made to bear the pressure to do for us what we should do for ourselves plus what the whole community is for -yet that is the reality of our modern society.On this week's Interracial Couple Podcast, we delve into the question of how much we can depend on our partners. We discuss:1. What leads us to be too dependent on our romantic partners?2...2020-11-3032 min
The Interracial CoupleAre You Setting Your Partner Up To Fail With Pressure On Them To Fulfill All Your Needs? #43One of the reasons relationships fail is our expectations that one partner will become our everything and fulfill all our needs in this life. No one person should be made to bear the pressure to do for us what we should do for ourselves plus what the whole community is for -yet that is the reality of our modern society.On this week's Interracial Couple Podcast, we delve into the question of how much we can depend on our partners. We discuss:1. What leads us to be too dependent on our romantic partners?2...2020-11-3032 min
The Interracial CoupleWhen is Perfectionism Healthy in a Relationship? #41Can you have a healthy relationship with a perfectionist? Most people will answer in the negative since perfectionism is something that has hurt more relationships than developed. It's for this same reason that my boyfriend denies being a perfectionist.On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:1. what is perfectionism, and how is perfectionism different from having high standards?2. is perfectionism cultural?3. how can we make one partner's perfectionism work for the other and the relationship?4. how do we temper our high expectations of our partner's...2020-11-2430 min
The Interracial CoupleWhen is Perfectionism Healthy in a Relationship? #41Can you have a healthy relationship with a perfectionist? Most people will answer in the negative since perfectionism is something that has hurt more relationships than developed. It's for this same reason that my boyfriend denies being a perfectionist.On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss:1. what is perfectionism, and how is perfectionism different from having high standards?2. is perfectionism cultural?3. how can we make one partner's perfectionism work for the other and the relationship?4. how do we temper our high expectations of our partner's...2020-11-2430 min
The Interracial CoupleMale Body Shaming: Creating a Positive Body Image with Radical Self Love #40Body shaming affects both men and women. While there are so many movements that have come up to protest women being body shamed, male body shaming is an insidious issue that is not given the attention it deserves. This may be compounded by the fact that it's not socially acceptable for men to talk about their feelings being hurt.This is partly why even Trump being body shamed had become fair game. Granted the outgoing president did body shaming more than anyone else in pubic office.On Episode 40 of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Matthew and...2020-11-1727 min
The Interracial CoupleMale Body Shaming: Creating a Positive Body Image with Radical Self Love #40Body shaming affects both men and women. While there are so many movements that have come up to protest women being body shamed, male body shaming is an insidious issue that is not given the attention it deserves. This may be compounded by the fact that it's not socially acceptable for men to talk about their feelings being hurt.This is partly why even Trump being body shamed had become fair game. Granted the outgoing president did body shaming more than anyone else in pubic office.On Episode 40 of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Matthew and...2020-11-1727 minThe Interracial CoupleHow Does Withholding Impact Our Relationship #39How much does your partner know about your past -or just your day? What do you choose to share with your partner and what do you withhold? How do you choose these?On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and I discuss:1. The definition of withholding and causes of withholding2. The conditions that make sharing a necessity and cultivating the trust3. Our commitment to creating a safe space for each other to share about our pasts and experiences4. The harm of TMI in a relationship5. The challenge of being...2020-11-1032 min
The Interracial CoupleHow Does Withholding Impact Our Relationship #39How much does your partner know about your past -or just your day? What do you choose to share with your partner and what do you withhold? How do you choose these?On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and I discuss:1. The definition of withholding and causes of withholding2. The conditions that make sharing a necessity and cultivating the trust3. Our commitment to creating a safe space for each other to share about our pasts and experiences4. The harm of TMI in a relationship5. The challenge of being...2020-11-1032 min
The Interracial CoupleCan I Tell My Partner What to Wear? #38What you wear is most times tied to your identity. So what happens when your partner tells you they don't like what to wear? How can they comment on your dressing style without putting you on the defensive? That's what happened with me and Cera. When we met, I used to wear a rugged mustache, torn boots and everything that didn't look out of place with these. For sure I was ready for the wardrobe upgrade. So when Cera called for a complete make-over, I heard no reservations and let her take care of how I look.2020-11-0125 min
The Interracial CoupleCan I Tell My Partner What to Wear? #38What you wear is most times tied to your identity. So what happens when your partner tells you they don't like what to wear? How can they comment on your dressing style without putting you on the defensive? That's what happened with me and Cera. When we met, I used to wear a rugged mustache, torn boots and everything that didn't look out of place with these. For sure I was ready for the wardrobe upgrade. So when Cera called for a complete make-over, I heard no reservations and let her take care of how I look.2020-11-0125 min
The Interracial CoupleShould I Share Passwords with my Partner?Is sharing phone passwords with your partner really a mark of trust or an innocent mistake? What about sharing bank account details with your spouse? Where do you draw personal boundaries in a relationship?On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss whether phones should be private in a relationship. This is following a conversation we saw on Facebook about why sharing passwords with your partner is rarely a good idea. While some people held valid reasons for wanting to keep their devices and partners separate, Cera and I are of the opposite opinion. 2020-10-2731 min
The Interracial CoupleShould I Share Passwords with my Partner?Is sharing phone passwords with your partner really a mark of trust or an innocent mistake? What about sharing bank account details with your spouse? Where do you draw personal boundaries in a relationship?On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss whether phones should be private in a relationship. This is following a conversation we saw on Facebook about why sharing passwords with your partner is rarely a good idea. While some people held valid reasons for wanting to keep their devices and partners separate, Cera and I are of the opposite opinion. 2020-10-2731 min
The Interracial CoupleGender Roles Vs. Equality: The Benefits of Sharing Household Chores in a Relationship #36Do you and your partner share household chores or you divide labour along gender roles in your relationship? A Pew Research study shows that couples who share household responsibilities have healthier relationships. But how easy is for a couple to do away with traditional gender roles and have men and women share equally housework just as the other responsibilities? Why do we feel resentment whenever we're doing more for the good of the relationship?Cera and I have always believed in a relationship of equals, so both of us contribute to every sort of responsibility...2020-10-2029 min
The Interracial CoupleGender Roles Vs. Equality: The Benefits of Sharing Household Chores in a Relationship #36Do you and your partner share household chores or you divide labour along gender roles in your relationship? A Pew Research study shows that couples who share household responsibilities have healthier relationships. But how easy is for a couple to do away with traditional gender roles and have men and women share equally housework just as the other responsibilities? Why do we feel resentment whenever we're doing more for the good of the relationship?Cera and I have always believed in a relationship of equals, so both of us contribute to every sort of responsibility t...2020-10-2029 min
The Interracial Couple5 Things you Must Do as a Couple Before Getting Engaged #35There are things that every couple must do before getting engaged and married. They are essential regardless of the culture each comes from. On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss the five things that have helped us test our compatibility and readied us for marriage life ahead:1. The Sex conversation2. Money, debt and personal financial habits3. Traveling as a couple4. Staying with the family5. Discuss the timing and type of weddingBIOSMATTHEW started his career as an...2020-10-1326 min
The Interracial Couple5 Things you Must Do as a Couple Before Getting Engaged #35There are things that every couple must do before getting engaged and married. They are essential regardless of the culture each comes from. On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss the five things that have helped us test our compatibility and readied us for marriage life ahead:1. The Sex conversation2. Money, debt and personal financial habits3. Traveling as a couple4. Staying with the family5. Discuss the timing and type of weddingBIOSMATTHEW started his career as an a...2020-10-1326 min
The Interracial CoupleWhat to Do If Your Husband/ Wife has Anger Issues #34Anger is a natural part of our lives. Yet anger is perceived in different ways by different people. For instance, while it is allowable -even encouraged in boys and men as part of being stoic, women are not allowed to have a temper. Moreso, black women like myself in fear of fulfilling the stereotype of the angry black woman.On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss anger. How we have dealt with it at individual levels, and how anger can be expressed in a way that is healthy for both partners and the relationship. 2020-10-0629 min
The Interracial CoupleWhat to Do If Your Husband/ Wife has Anger Issues #34Anger is a natural part of our lives. Yet anger is perceived in different ways by different people. For instance, while it is allowable -even encouraged in boys and men as part of being stoic, women are not allowed to have a temper. Moreso, black women like myself in fear of fulfilling the stereotype of the angry black woman.On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss anger. How we have dealt with it at individual levels, and how anger can be expressed in a way that is healthy for both partners and the relationship. 2020-10-0629 min
The Interracial CoupleHair. How it Shapes Our Identity #33Hair shapes our identity either as individuals or as a people. So when Cera shaved her head bald over the weekend -it was a big deal. It's the first time in her adult life that she's shaved it this short. Why is that?On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we dive deep into:1. Why a hair make over is the most natural means of self reinvention2. How Cera came to affirm her own beauty and confidence in her body3. How Matthew was in denial of his...2020-09-2932 min
The Interracial CoupleHair. How it Shapes Our Identity #33Hair shapes our identity either as individuals or as a people. So when Cera shaved her head bald over the weekend -it was a big deal. It's the first time in her adult life that she's shaved it this short. Why is that?On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we dive deep into:1. Why a hair make over is the most natural means of self reinvention2. How Cera came to affirm her own beauty and confidence in her body3. How Matthew was in denial of his b...2020-09-2932 min
The Interracial CoupleHow to let go of Being Right in a Relationship #32Whenever I get into a disagreement with anyone, I always have this urge to prove I'm right by all means. But this week I decided to let go of this desire to be right. Cera had crippling pains in her leg, while she believed it was a critical injury, I believed it was just muscle spasm.On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss:1. What to do when both partners in a relationship can prove they are right2. Is it better to be happy or right in a relationship?3. The impact...2020-09-2227 min
The Interracial CoupleHow to let go of Being Right in a Relationship #32Whenever I get into a disagreement with anyone, I always have this urge to prove I'm right by all means. But this week I decided to let go of this desire to be right. Cera had crippling pains in her leg, while she believed it was a critical injury, I believed it was just muscle spasm.On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss:1. What to do when both partners in a relationship can prove they are right2. Is it better to be happy or right in a relationship?3. The impact...2020-09-2227 min
The Interracial CoupleDon’t Talk Sh*t About Your In-laws. It’s Not Your Place #31There is no perfect family. We never get perfect partners and sure we never get to have perfect in-laws. For that reason it is destructive to a relationship when all we notice are the flaws in our partners' family and start to shit talk them.On this episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss how my stay with my in-laws in LA has been. Yes, I got to have another session of the RedTable Talk with Cera's adopted family. It was important that we got to have that council as everything was put on the table.2020-09-1531 min
The Interracial CoupleDon’t Talk Sh*t About Your In-laws. It’s Not Your Place #31There is no perfect family. We never get perfect partners and sure we never get to have perfect in-laws. For that reason it is destructive to a relationship when all we notice are the flaws in our partners' family and start to s**t talk them.On this episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss how my stay with my in-laws in LA has been. Yes, I got to have another session of the RedTable Talk with Cera's adopted family. It was important that we got to have that council as everything was put on the...2020-09-1531 min
The Interracial CoupleHow RACISM Affects Our Relationship #30How does race affect our relationship?We identify as interacial couple because of the color of our skin. Otherwise, we would just be a regular couple. The last few weeks have been intense for Black people in America. First George Floyd and now Jacob Blake and countless of other people unnamed here. There is no time to heal or take a break. It’s exhausting. It can put me in a state of anger all the time, if I’m not careful. No matter how much time I spend in mediation, it’s affecting our relationship. 2020-09-0827 min
The Interracial CoupleHow RACISM Affects Our Relationship #30How does race affect our relationship?We identify as interacial couple because of the color of our skin. Otherwise, we would just be a regular couple. The last few weeks have been intense for Black people in America. First George Floyd and now Jacob Blake and countless of other people unnamed here. There is no time to heal or take a break. It’s exhausting. It can put me in a state of anger all the time, if I’m not careful. No matter how much time I spend in mediation, it’s affecting our relationship. In th...2020-09-0827 min
The Interracial CoupleOwning Your Mistakes | How To Take Responsibility For Your Actions #29We made a big mess earlier this week, and it was either we owned up to our mistakes or leave our relationship with my brother and his wife in ruins. It was a tough dilemma. How do you apologize after winning an argument?It did not take us long before Cera and I trooped back to my brother's house to take responsibility for the messed up day. The occasion was made even more embarrassing by having to swallow our big servings of humble pie in front of their friend. On this week's episode of ''The...2020-09-0127 min
The Interracial CoupleOwning Your Mistakes | How To Take Responsibility For Your Actions #29We made a big mess earlier this week, and it was either we owned up to our mistakes or leave our relationship with my brother and his wife in ruins. It was a tough dilemma. How do you apologize after winning an argument?It did not take us long before Cera and I trooped back to my brother's house to take responsibility for the messed up day. The occasion was made even more embarrassing by having to swallow our big servings of humble pie in front of their friend. On this week's episode of ''The I...2020-09-0127 min
The Interracial Couple7 Days Water Fast | Things To Do As A Couple #28Last week we challenged ourselves to do a 7 days' long water fast. Yes, no food, just water. Mark you, three days before the water fast, we prepped our bodies by only taking fresh greens. And even when we got to breaking the fast, we stayed away from carts and most solid foods for a couple of days. So in effects it's been almost a fortnight since we ate as we used to before.It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. According to Matthew, doing the week long fast...2020-08-2527 min
The Interracial Couple7 Days Water Fast | Things To Do As A Couple #28Last week we challenged ourselves to do a 7 days' long water fast. Yes, no food, just water. Mark you, three days before the water fast, we prepped our bodies by only taking fresh greens. And even when we got to breaking the fast, we stayed away from carts and most solid foods for a couple of days. So in effects it's been almost a fortnight since we ate as we used to before.It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. According to Matthew, doing the week long fast w...2020-08-2527 min
The Interracial CoupleGetting Back on Track After Life Knocks You Down #27As people who thrive on routine, Matthew and I have been drifting for the last few months since we lost our morning rituals. It all started back in Kenya with the uncertainties about our travel back to the States due to the pandemic. Yet even after we finally arrived here, it feels like we're still in the air -being blown around at the mercy of other people's schedules and other things going on in the world. This has culminated in a slow spiral into a kind of depression for both of us.So last night and during...2020-08-1825 min
The Interracial CoupleGetting Back on Track After Life Knocks You Down #27As people who thrive on routine, Matthew and I have been drifting for the last few months since we lost our morning rituals. It all started back in Kenya with the uncertainties about our travel back to the States due to the pandemic. Yet even after we finally arrived here, it feels like we're still in the air -being blown around at the mercy of other people's schedules and other things going on in the world. This has culminated in a slow spiral into a kind of depression for both of us.So last night and during...2020-08-1825 min
The Interracial CoupleComing to America | Life in Sonoma County #26Coming to America We moved from black Kenya to white rural America last month. We were living in Kenya the last year and half and have now moved to Sonoma County in California. Our initial plan before COVID was to come to the States for 3 months- attend Graduation and see friends and Family and then move to Nairobi indifinitely. As the pandemic hit all our plans changed. We figured it makes sense for us and our business that we are in the States while there are so many unknowns and instability in the world. So he...2020-08-1122 min
The Interracial CoupleComing to America | Life in Sonoma County #26Coming to America We moved from black Kenya to white rural America last month. We were living in Kenya the last year and half and have now moved to Sonoma County in California. Our initial plan before COVID was to come to the States for 3 months- attend Graduation and see friends and Family and then move to Nairobi indifinitely. As the pandemic hit all our plans changed. We figured it makes sense for us and our business that we are in the States while there are so many unknowns and instability in the world. So...2020-08-1122 min
The Interracial Couple9 Things that Almost Made Us Break Up #25Not everything is all fun and games. Or more like, some fun and games got us pretty close to calling it quits. On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we share 9 Things that almost made us break up. Spoiler alert - those 9 things have nothing on us. We’re still together.Cera read a Hollocaust book while Matthew read a comedy bookPacking for Burning ManPacking for a move AfricaOne week of silent treatment“Your father is being an a**hole”Cera felt abandoned and neglected on a holiday trip to meet Matthew’s friends and familyMatthew driving...2020-08-0440 min
The Interracial Couple9 Things that Almost Made Us Break Up #25Not everything is all fun and games. Or more like, some fun and games got us pretty close to calling it quits. On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we share 9 Things that almost made us break up. Spoiler alert - those 9 things have nothing on us. We’re still together.Cera read a Hollocaust book while Matthew read a comedy bookPacking for Burning ManPacking for a move AfricaOne week of silent treatment“Your father is being an a**hole”Cera felt abandoned and neglected on a holiday trip to meet Matthew’s friends and familyMatthew driving too clos...2020-08-0440 min
The Interracial CoupleWe Were Accidentally “Forced” into Waiting for Sex!!!! | Sex and Wine - an Intimate Conversation #24When we started dating, we were “forced” into waiting to have sex. Cera and I were so hot for each other, but her best friend bet her she coudln’t wait until the end of the month to have sex. Matthew wanted her to win the bet - so we waited. In our Sex and Wine episode, we discuss:Benefits of waiting a bit to have sex after datingConsent for a kissMeaningful sexSex getting better when you know each other deeply How to have great sex the first timeEmpowering men to waitRechanneling sexual energy so you’...2020-07-2841 min
The Interracial CoupleWe Were Accidentally “Forced” into Waiting for Sex!!!! | Sex and Wine - an Intimate Conversation #24When we started dating, we were “forced” into waiting to have sex. Cera and I were so hot for each other, but her best friend bet her she coudln’t wait until the end of the month to have sex. Matthew wanted her to win the bet - so we waited. In our Sex and Wine episode, we discuss:Benefits of waiting a bit to have sex after datingConsent for a kissMeaningful sexSex getting better when you know each other deeply How to have great sex the first timeEmpowering men to waitRechanneling sexual energy so you’re not a s...2020-07-2841 min
The Interracial CoupleMy Man Would Not Leave Me if I Had an Affair, Entanglement, or STI. But Bankruptcy…?What is your dealbreaker?After the recent episode of The Red Table Talks, where Jada and Will Smith opened up about the former’s ‘entanglement with August’, we decided to revisit a discussion we’d had earlier in our relationship about deal breakers. What would make one of us to call it quits?Would it be an affair? An “entanglement”? HIV infection? Bankruptcy? Or one having to move abroad?What does it mean when a certain thing is a deal breaker for one half of the couple, and a non-issue for the other?2020-07-2136 min
The Interracial CoupleMy Man Would Not Leave Me if I Had an Affair, Entanglement, or STI. But Bankruptcy…?What is your dealbreaker?After the recent episode of The Red Table Talks, where Jada and Will Smith opened up about the former’s ‘entanglement with August’, we decided to revisit a discussion we’d had earlier in our relationship about deal breakers. What would make one of us to call it quits?Would it be an affair? An “entanglement”? HIV infection? Bankruptcy? Or one having to move abroad?What does it mean when a certain thing is a deal breaker for one half of the couple, and a non-issue for the other?2020-07-2136 min
The Interracial CoupleKeeping Up Appearances, PDA and Spilling The Tea on Your Partner #22How do you feel when you see a perfect couple lost in PDA at the park? Is it jealousy? Do you believe that the perfect couple is really perfect?In this episode of the It's Not All Black & White podcast, we discuss PDA, making public our fights, and who we keep up appearances for as a couple and who we don't mind sharing our struggles with.How do all these things affect our relationship?BIOSMATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping...2020-07-1431 min
The Interracial CoupleKeeping Up Appearances, PDA and Spilling The Tea on Your Partner #22How do you feel when you see a perfect couple lost in PDA at the park? Is it jealousy? Do you believe that the perfect couple is really perfect?In this episode of the It's Not All Black & White podcast, we discuss PDA, making public our fights, and who we keep up appearances for as a couple and who we don't mind sharing our struggles with.How do all these things affect our relationship?BIOSMATTHEW started his career as an accidental filmmaker. He wrote a “practice script,” hoping one day h...2020-07-1431 min
The Interracial CoupleIs Marriage Worth It - Do it or Don’t? Why or Why Not? #21After living together and being in a committed relationship, the questions inevitably start coming: When are you getting married? When are you having kids? Conventional wisdom says that marriage and kids are an important step in the life of a loving, committed couple. But it’s always good to question conventional wisdom. Is it really wise? Does the convention work anymore?We have the added complication of Cera’s Kikuyu tradition of the groom paying dowry for his bride. Sounds a little old fashioned. And it is. So, we have to consider - will we do it...2020-07-0723 min
The Interracial CoupleIs Marriage Worth It - Do it or Don’t? Why or Why Not? #21After living together and being in a committed relationship, the questions inevitably start coming: When are you getting married? When are you having kids? Conventional wisdom says that marriage and kids are an important step in the life of a loving, committed couple. But it’s always good to question conventional wisdom. Is it really wise? Does the convention work anymore?We have the added complication of Cera’s Kikuyu tradition of the groom paying dowry for his bride. Sounds a little old fashioned. And it is. So, we have to consider - will we do it, will...2020-07-0723 min
The Interracial CoupleBitten by a Tick - Do I have Lymes Disease or Is It My Imagination? #20We moved out of our home in Kenya to come back to America on an American Repatriation flight in the era of COVID-19. Day 1 back in Northern California, Cera learned how to weed whack - then woke up at night to a tick biting her thigh. She squeezed and killed it and woke up Matthew, who claimed that the tick was already dead. He did not believe that she had actually been bitten by a live tick. So the arguments started.When we argue - we always both think we’re right. We BOTH have...2020-06-3028 min
The Interracial CoupleBitten by a Tick - Do I have Lymes Disease or Is It My Imagination? #20We moved out of our home in Kenya to come back to America on an American Repatriation flight in the era of COVID-19. Day 1 back in Northern California, Cera learned how to weed whack - then woke up at night to a tick biting her thigh. She squeezed and killed it and woke up Matthew, who claimed that the tick was already dead. He did not believe that she had actually been bitten by a live tick. So the arguments started.When we argue - we always both think we’re right. We BOTH have exp...2020-06-3028 min
The Interracial CoupleTikTok Interracial Couples Challenge - How well we know each other? #19Are you on TikTok? This interracial couple is.And we decided to do the #coupleschallenge. We waded into the dangerous waters of “who is the better kisser?” “who says sorry first?” “who is the better dresser?” etc. We revealed our answers to each other on this week’s podcast. Some answers were obvious and unanimous - other answers were somewhere between surprising and infuriating. Turns out that our diversity is more than skin deep. We have great diversity in our viewpoints and understanding of events in our relationship.If you choose to try it, do so at you...2020-06-2325 min
The Interracial CoupleBeing Vulnerable and Honest in Relationship - What Happened to Dave and Rachel Hollis? #18Many people who follow the relationship guidance and advice of the Hollis’ felt duped when, after years of selling events and guidance on marriage, they announced they are getting divorced. This brought up a lot of questions for us - is it possible to feel like you are in the right marriage/relationship, while at the same time feeling like it’s just not right any more? Can 2 different things be true at the same time? And when you are deep in question and discovery, even as a public figure, how can you share your honesty and vulner...2020-06-1629 min
The Interracial CoupleCouples Who Fart Together, Stay Together #16Why is it such a big deal for new couples to fart in front of each other? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it inherent or cultural? Cera and Matthew discuss when they finally felt comfortable farting around each other and what that meant for their relationship. And how being comfortable and accepting about their bodies and bodily functions impacts honesty and comfort far beyond the gross things that our bodies naturally do.Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com Get on the email list at interracialcouple.substack.com2020-06-0229 min
The Interracial CoupleCouples Who Fart Together, Stay Together #16Why is it such a big deal for new couples to fart in front of each other? Is it embarrassment or shame? Is it inherent or cultural? Cera and Matthew discuss when they finally felt comfortable farting around each other and what that meant for their relationship. And how being comfortable and accepting about their bodies and bodily functions impacts honesty and comfort far beyond the gross things that our bodies naturally do.Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com2020-06-0229 min
The Interracial CoupleNeeding Personal Space When Working From Home #15Cera woke up in the morning feeling overwhelmed. Since we are working from home, we have employees who show up at our house at 9 am, rain or shine, whether we feel like sharing our space or not. And now, we also have family staying here, too.To compound the need for personal space, we had a few challenging days in our relationship. We were needing space in our relationship, too. But, with employees and family in our home office, we had to keep a professional attitude at all times - and keep from airing dirty laundry.2020-05-2625 min
The Interracial CoupleNeeding Personal Space When Working From Home #15Cera woke up in the morning feeling overwhelmed. Since we are working from home, we have employees who show up at our house at 9 am, rain or shine, whether we feel like sharing our space or not. And now, we also have family staying here, too.To compound the need for personal space, we had a few challenging days in our relationship. We were needing space in our relationship, too. But, with employees and family in our home office, we had to keep a professional attitude at all times - and keep from airing dirty laundry.2020-05-2625 min
The Interracial CoupleGuilt and Shame | How to React and How to Take Responsibility in an Interracial Relationship #14Cera kept insisting Matthew get his hair cut and picked out a barber- who turned out to be a total disaster. While Cera felt guilt and shame, Matthew relaxed and let the barber have her way with him. It reminded us of all the times one person made a choice that had a negative impact on the other, and how we find ways to deal with guilt and shame, forgiveness and self forgiveness, and both taking responsibility.Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com And a big shout out to Feedspot f...2020-05-1927 min
The Interracial CoupleGuilt and Shame | How to React and How to Take Responsibility in an Interracial Relationship #14Cera kept insisting Matthew get his hair cut and picked out a barber- who turned out to be a total disaster. While Cera felt guilt and shame, Matthew relaxed and let the barber have her way with him. It reminded us of all the times one person made a choice that had a negative impact on the other, and how we find ways to deal with guilt and shame, forgiveness and self forgiveness, and both taking responsibility.Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com And a big shout out to Feedspot...2020-05-1927 min
The Interracial CoupleMaking Friends as an Interracial Couple #13This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew discuss the accidental phenomenon that their new friends that they have made together have been primarily other interracial couples. They discuss:Friends in early life for Cera and MatthewMaking friends in 20s and 30sNon-diverse friendships growing up in racially homogenous places/communitiesTinder racially profiled meWhite men dating black womenNot long ago, we would have been illegal in Kenya AND the United StatesAware of the fact that we are a minority as an interracial coupleWe are noticed, looked at, stared at, commented on when we go ou...2020-05-1227 min
The Interracial CoupleMaking Friends as an Interracial Couple #13This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew discuss the accidental phenomenon that their new friends that they have made together have been primarily other interracial couples. They discuss:Friends in early life for Cera and MatthewMaking friends in 20s and 30sNon-diverse friendships growing up in racially homogenous places/communitiesTinder racially profiled meWhite men dating black womenNot long ago, we would have been illegal in Kenya AND the United StatesAware of the fact that we are a minority as an interracial coupleWe are noticed, looked at, stared at, commented on when we go...2020-05-1227 minThe Interracial CoupleHow Moving to a New City, State or Country Affects Your Relationship #12This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew discuss how a big move from California to Africa impacted their relationship.Excitement of moving and taking on a new adventureStress of packing up a life and moving, moving stressA big life change together can be akin to getting married, even if you’re notMoving to a new place together can bring you closer or tear you apartMoving abroadMajor compromisesChoosing the compromise instead of settling for compromiseEmail thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com Enjoy this podca...2020-05-0524 min
The Interracial CoupleHow Moving to a New City, State or Country Affects Your Relationship #12This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew discuss how a big move from California to Africa impacted their relationship.Excitement of moving and taking on a new adventureStress of packing up a life and moving, moving stressA big life change together can be akin to getting married, even if you’re notMoving to a new place together can bring you closer or tear you apartMoving abroadMajor compromisesChoosing the compromise instead of settling for compromiseEmail thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com Enjoy...2020-05-0524 min
The Interracial CoupleWomen Driving, Men Cooking, and Building Confidence #11This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew follow up on their conversation on the way back from running the Mt. Kilimanjaro Half Marathon, from Tanzania back to Kenya. In torrential rain and in the dark, Cera took the opportunity to drive home and improve her skills in an area where she has less experience, while Matthew had the challenge of staying calm.They talk about: How they use their strengths to benefit the relationship and support the other in their weaker areas. Cera usually takes charge when...2020-04-2829 min
The Interracial CoupleWomen Driving, Men Cooking, and Building Confidence #11This week on It’s Not All Black & White - the Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and Matthew follow up on their conversation on the way back from running the Mt. Kilimanjaro Half Marathon, from Tanzania back to Kenya. In torrential rain and in the dark, Cera took the opportunity to drive home and improve her skills in an area where she has less experience, while Matthew had the challenge of staying calm.They talk about: How they use their strengths to benefit the relationship and support the other in their weaker areas. Cera usually takes...2020-04-2829 min
The Interracial CoupleHow To Deal With Stress and Feeling Overwhelmed | in an Interracial Relationship #10This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew talk about what causes stress and ways to relieve it. Stress plays in our relationship - and it seems like there’s no way to avoid it in the craziness of life. So, the ways to deal with it, and put pride aside in challenging moments is key.Other topics we discussTrying to do too much in a dayInformation overloadThe weight of pursuing your life’s purposeDumping on each other in stressful times. Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail...2020-04-2138 min
The Interracial CoupleHow To Deal With Stress and Feeling Overwhelmed | in an Interracial Relationship #10This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Cera and Matthew talk about what causes stress and ways to relieve it. Stress plays in our relationship - and it seems like there’s no way to avoid it in the craziness of life. So, the ways to deal with it, and put pride aside in challenging moments is key.Other topics we discussTrying to do too much in a dayInformation overloadThe weight of pursuing your life’s purposeDumping on each other in stressful times. Email thoughts and questions to info.itsnotall@gmail.com2020-04-2138 min
The Interracial Couple7 Challenges that Interracial Couples Face #9This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Matthew and Cera look at the top 7 challenges many interracial couples face. Sometimes, we don’t even recognize the problems and challenges, so we looked to see what other interracial couples struggle with - to see if there was something impacting us that we didn’t even know about. Some of these affect us for sure. Others, not so much. Different expectations and assumptions. By the time we’re 7 years old, we already have many ingrained beliefs from our family and cultureDifferent way of communicating...2020-04-1436 min
The Interracial Couple7 Challenges that Interracial Couples Face #9This week on It’s Not All Black and White, Matthew and Cera look at the top 7 challenges many interracial couples face. Sometimes, we don’t even recognize the problems and challenges, so we looked to see what other interracial couples struggle with - to see if there was something impacting us that we didn’t even know about. Some of these affect us for sure. Others, not so much. Different expectations and assumptions. By the time we’re 7 years old, we already have many ingrained beliefs from our family and cultureDifferent way of communicating - different...2020-04-1436 min
The Interracial CoupleAn Interracial Couple Gets Arrested In Kenya - and It’s Not for What You Think #8This week on It’s Not All Black & White - The Interracial Podcast (http://www.itsnotall.com) we talk about Matthew’s brilliant idea to film cops taking bribes and then getting hauled to the police station for questioning and interrogation. We were on our way to pay tuition for a young girl whose parents couldn’t afford school fees as part of Ecodunia’s mission to create sustainable community and educate rural girls in Kenya. Our bus driver was pulled over and paid a bribe to corrupt cops. It’s business as usual here in...2020-04-0736 min
The Interracial CoupleAn Interracial Couple Gets Arrested In Kenya - and It’s Not for What You Think #8This week on It’s Not All Black & White - The Interracial Podcast (http://www.itsnotall.com) we talk about Matthew’s brilliant idea to film cops taking bribes and then getting hauled to the police station for questioning and interrogation. We were on our way to pay tuition for a young girl whose parents couldn’t afford school fees as part of Ecodunia’s mission to create sustainable community and educate rural girls in Kenya. Our bus driver was pulled over and paid a bribe to corrupt cops. It’s business as usual here in Kenya - but corrup...2020-04-0736 min