Shows
Don't Jump The SharkStar Trek - GenerationsProof that the odd ones are not the best ones.2016-11-071h 11Don't Jump The SharkThe Transporter (and Podcast) RefueledAfter a lengthy off period, we return stronger than ever. At least we were until we had to sit through this film, with Not Jason Statham yawning his way through Not Action. Gaaahhhh. Ah well, good to be back and all that!
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Email dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2016-09-111h 16Don't Jump The SharkStarsky And HutchMovie version of the popular 70's tv show. Made for laughs because it's set in the 70's I guess. Did I mention it was set in the 70's?2016-04-291h 07Don't Jump The SharkGhostThank Christ for the casting of Whoopi Goldberg in this film to give it some life (LOL).
The music for this weeks episode is by RoccoW find his stuff here; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/RoccoW/
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2016-04-031h 26Don't Jump The SharkSpace 1999 S1 Ep1 Commentary70's Sci-Fi at it's finest. 1999 as imagined during the 70's. What could be better? Huge sideburns, comb overs, the many mustaches, and the tight, tight male trousers!2016-02-191h 01Don't Jump The SharkStar Wars Holiday SpecialNooooooooooooooooooooooo!2015-12-281h 34Don't Jump The SharkHardcastle And McCormickWhen a retired judge offers to take in an ex-con, the two get involved in all sorts of adventures mostly involving a very indiscreet bright red "street car" which the judge owns but no longer drives himself. Made during the 80's, it's got a great theme tune and some not bad stunts. Story, schmory, this was a teatime family show in the same vain as other shows of the era. But as it happens, it's still pretty watchable.2015-12-0659 minDon't Jump The SharkSpider-Man and She-Ra cartoon madness!We watch Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends as well as an episode of She-Ra for our latest round of commentaries. Watch along with us as we take in the "amazing" visuals and sound of Amazing friends episode 1 'Triumph Of The Green Goblin' and She-Ra episode 62 'Migicats'. Both available on Youtube as of this recording.2015-11-2051 minDon't Jump The SharkFreddy's Nightmares Commentary - Killer InstinctWhat happens when you take a successful film formula to television and then strip it bare so that it's nothing like the films that it's based on? Apparently this . . .2015-11-0950 minDon't Jump The SharkScream Last Episode Live ReactionThere’s a new Scream TV show, did you know it’s awful? That is where Bob and Grant come in, no Ross as he is currently having a Baby, seen the film Junior? We cover the last episode this time, we must have missed one death maximum, and honestly it is so terrible. Still one of the girls looks like Elijah Wood.
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-10-2246 minDon't Jump The SharkScream Episode 1 Live ReactionThere’s a new Scream TV show, did you know it’s awful? That is where Bob and Grant come in, no Ross as he is currently on paternity leave, seen the film Junior? Kinda like that… We cover episode 1 this time, but don’t think we are doing them all, just this one and the last one, we got some more horror to watch this month
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-10-0848 minDon't Jump The SharkHudson Hawk (Hudson Hawful)Ever wanted to see a film where too many large egos were put in charge of a major movie production. "Welcome to the party pal!" Apparently it was a hellish production. But is any of it watchable? We find out . . .2015-09-231h 26Don't Jump The SharkDracuuuuuuuula Live ReactionWee commentary to round of our bad accents season! Save the worst accents to last! Bram Stokers Dracula (1992), Keanu – English, Winona – English, Oldman – Cheeky Girl Land, Sadie Frost – God knows.. We laugh. A lot. So did the dialogue coach.
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-08-272h 07Don't Jump The SharkThe Prest(it's a double)igeFirst there's the Pledge: this film will be terrible, then theres the Turn: Andy Serkis is alright, then there's the Prestige: not even Superman could save this shipwreck of a film.
The boys tread into magical waters this time and see what.. bloody hell thats a bad accent... oh jeez that ones even worse! Trust me our review is much better than the film, how could it not be with those accents?
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Email: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.co.uk2015-08-141h 22Don't Jump The SharkBlown Away (Also known as 'Hello me oll dah, are yeh watchin' the telly!!')Dove, Jimmy Dove, bomb squad expert and lead member of an 'elite' unit is being toyed with by an old nemesis from his past who is killing off his team using explosive devices.
Jimmy tries to keep his secret past from surfacing while trying to save his new wife and daughter from danger and prevent any more of his team members from being killed.2015-08-041h 35Don't Jump The SharkFlash Gordon, y'know from the New York JetsThe boys dig deep for their 100th episode and instead of coming out with a hand full of dung they pull out a diamond as they review Flash Gordon. Sure the film may have been named after a guy that's not even the hero of the piece and sure they may get interrupted by Johns Cream Machine but hey it's Flash Gordon and considering the dreck they've watched over the last 100 episodes this ones great! Enjoy!
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Email dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-07-171h 16Don't Jump The SharkDeep Blue Sea (1999) CommentaryAnother absent Ross, therefore another Renny Harlin commentary! We give you a splashing commentary for you to watch along, Deep Blue Sea (1999) with. We laugh. A lot. So will you. At the film
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-06-251h 41Don't Jump The SharkGame of ClonesThis episode we watch Return of the Jedi. You will love this. Just to be clear though, we watch films that are GOOD TO A POINT. We don't hate this film.
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-06-181h 32Don't Jump The Shark'Wild Wild West' CommentaryBig screen remake of a classic U.S. western t.v. series. Another commentary track so please find a copy of the film and see what delights we are talking about as it unfolds. We watch, we talk, we cry.2015-06-051h 48Don't Jump The SharkMindhunters 2004 CommentaryWe are back, well 2 of us are anyway. One of was having a chimney out in the Kitchen, AND WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT THAT I ASK YOU. Wee give you a wee commentary for you to watch along to Mindhunters (2004) with. We laugh. A lot.
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2015-05-211h 42Don't Jump The SharkLet Off Some SteamThis week we change it up a bit and give you a sneak-peak at Grant's new podcast "Let Off Some Steam" hope you Enjoy and if you do subscribe to their podcast. As for us we'll be back next week with a new episode focusing on career mis-steps of the talented.2015-04-1931 minDon't Jump The SharkThe Last AirbenderThis is the film that inspired this podcast. It's also the one episode where we laugh all the way through. It's also the episode we find out that all three of us are going to hell. Or at least have spent a bit of time there watching this film!2015-04-111h 14Don't Jump The SharkThe DisappearaningOur ‘Movies that were way better in the original European version, so stop being narrow minded, and read some subtitles bitch’ Season continues with the poor version of the Vanishing that graced our screens in 1993. A post Young Guns 2 and Pre 24 Keifer Sutherland is the highlight here. We do impressions, lots of them. Have a listen sir or madam!2015-03-271h 23Don't Jump The SharkTaxi for TaxiRemakes can be great re-imaginings of obscure cinema classics. Safe to say this is not one of those times. Come with us as we discover that Queen Latifa has the best boss in the world and that we should all be bicycle couriers as they obviously get paid way too much...
The music for this weeks episode is by RoccoW find his stuff here; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/RoccoW/
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark@hotmail...2015-03-121h 16Don't Jump The SharkFilms That Do Jump The SharkWe discuss some films we wanted to talk about on the show but couldn't because we felt there were no redeeming features to any of them. And to help us we are joined by friend of the podcast, PC.2015-03-011h 13Don't Jump The SharkSuper Stalker ReturnsJust in time for Valentines Day, we present to you an alternative view of Love. Creepy, creepy love. Watch Superman Return (2006) to stalk Lois Lane and love her from afar. He is so relatable!!! Ahem, of course he is not. Enjoy us discuss Supes use his super kiss on everyone he meets.
The music for this weeks episode is by RoccoW find his stuff here; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/RoccoW/
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark...2015-02-131h 19Don't Jump The SharkSuper Stalker ReturnsJust in time for Valentines Day, we present to you an alternative view of Love. Creepy, creepy love. Watch Superman Return (2006) to stalk Lois Lane and love her from afar. He is so relatable!!! Ahem, of course he is not. Enjoy us discuss Supes use his super kiss on everyone he meets.
The music for this weeks episode is by RoccoW find his stuff here; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/RoccoW/
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Or email us your abuse at dontjumptheshark...2015-02-131h 19Don't Jump The SharkTerminator SalivationWe're back! after our holiday break we crack right on with this rubbish. Just in time for the Superbowl Teaser trailer for the new Terminator film coming out we bring you our review of the last one. If you like Christian Bale walking around polishing up his Batman voice whilst half-heartedly acting this is the film for you!
The music for this weeks episode is by RoccoW find his stuff here; http://freemusicarchive.org/music/RoccoW/
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Or...2015-01-291h 20Don't Jump The SharkEnemy Of The StateWill Smith and a host of "happening" young actors use the latest in 1998 technology to bring out of hiding one of the best spies in the business as they team up to bring down a corrupt official with aspirations for government.2014-12-291h 20Don't Jump The SharkStar Dreck into DarkP**s.Well this one made us angry. Particularly Bob, but particularly Ross, but particularly Grant. This time we tackle the utter nonsense that is Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013), anger, anger so much anger. Enjoy the jokes, but mainly the anger
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Email the Snail: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-12-111h 37Don't Jump The SharkStar Trek 5: The Final Frontier, Finally!Going where this podcast has gone before. In anticipation of next times episode, the original gang of two talk over the William Shatner opus 'Star Trek V: The Final Frontier'. This is how 'Star Trek' used to be. Next time we find out how times have changed with 'Star Trek: Into Darkness'.2014-12-011h 11Don't Jump The SharkGuess?tsMrs Qualmflame rejoins the podcast for this special episode as Grant is off on holiday in Florida, lucky beef-lover that he is. We'll talk to my childhood Nanny and find out if she knows anyone else that we should meet from her storied past. Who'll show up, we'll be impressed if you can work some of them out. Don't worry next episode will be back to normal Haha!
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Email us in the face dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-11-1459 minDon't Jump The SharkI Am Leggend (Legend)Only Will Smith can save humanity from mass extinction by creating an antidote for a virus that while cured cancer, after most of the survivors become vampire type creatures. Sadly there is no cure for actually having watched this film. We love you Sam!2014-10-311h 11Don't Jump The SharkWhat Mel Gibson Thinks Women WantWe didn’t realise it when we first agreed to do it, but this horrifying specimen What Women Want (2000) was the perfect way to start our Halloween Season. Mel Gibson is the biggest cinematic monster since Leather Face, who he also resembles in a certain light. This film is rank misogyny of the highest degree.
Warning: May contain terrible Australian Accents from the hosts.
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Email the Mongrels: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-10-161h 14Don't Jump The SharkBromeo Must DieIt's the Blacks Vs the Asians this episode. That's not me being flip that's actually how they refer to the characters in this Kung Fu film. Don't get us wrong, the martial arts are great, unfortunately there's a big fat plot sitting on top of it, you would expect that plot to be the same or similar to Romeo and Juliet eh? Well you'd be wrong...
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Email: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-10-021h 16Don't Jump The SharkDon't Jump The Shark - Van Damn! - Double Impact!For those who can't get enough of one Van Damme, this is the film for you. Two, count them, two! Twins, who although have been separated for 25 years share the very same accent and body type. Not to mention, action skills.2014-09-191h 17Don't Jump The SharkShowDOLPH in Little TokyoYou have the biggest podcast I have ever seen on a white man. This time we tackle Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991). We are happy.
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Email the Snail: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-09-041h 08Don't Jump The SharkAvengers with a twist (and a break)KUNG FU!!! Take that! This is the start of our Kung Fu season and boy is it off with a bang. Return of the Five Deadly Venom's a.k.a. The Crippled Avengers is an interesting twist of the Kung Fu genre. Here we see four unlikely hero's and one despicable villains. Adding in a disability to a film is always a gamble and we definitely thought so in the first few minutes but this film really does entertain us. Get your Iron boots on and come with us on a twisted adventure...
Facebook the heck out of us: Don't...2014-08-2255 minDon't Jump The SharkSummer Playhouse Of HorrorThree unrelated segments from the hosts of 'Don't Jump The Shark'.2014-08-081h 17Don't Jump The SharkCrow: Wicked PrayerNever tell Tara Reid about what we say in this Episode……Not that she would remember anyway.
Welcome reappearance for our SPOOKY horror movie theme too.
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Email us like we stole your wife: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-07-241h 43Don't Jump The SharkThe Lost World (If only it had stayed that way)Take a trip with us to site B as we explore another island thats screwed beyond belief. seriously what does Spielburg have against islands? As we explore Isla Sorna we'll realise that we didn't like these characters from the first film anyway so why would we want them in a film by themselves. We want Alan Grant back!
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Next Episodes film will be Crow 4. How did that happen...2014-07-101h 41Don't Jump The SharkRoadhouseDalton, the most famous bouncer in America faces off against his toughest challenge when he enters a small town bar in the middle of no where.2014-06-271h 30Don't Jump The SharkJack ReacherTom Cruise. Playing a 7-foot tall character. Nuff Said.
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Email us like we stole your wife: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-06-131h 19Don't Jump The SharkAlmost Jumped The SharkWe're sure there are many more films out there that don't jump the shark as do but what about the ones who manage to come back from the dark side? This show is dedicated to those films that perhaps you had already condemmed to the rubbish heap but they managed to crawl back out and show you how awesome they were (or creepy as in Grant's choice). We each take a film here that for us convinced us of they're greatness even though we were sure in our judgement often before we had even seen them. So lets see the...2014-05-291h 05Don't Jump The SharkMighty Morphine Power RangersA man hires teenagers to go into a rocky ground, punch people and dress up in colourful outfits. Now that I have described Bob’s non-podcasting time to you, lets move onto the movie we are doing. ZING! You having that Bob? This time we are doing the Power Rangers, who include the WHITE POWER RANGER. Oh, Stop. These jokes write themselves. Hit us up on social media if you would be so kind.
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Email us like we stole your wife: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-05-151h 19Don't Jump The SharkClip ShowEver wanted to listen to our show but weren't sure which episode to choose? Well here you are, you lucky people, a clip show containing some of very best stuff! WOW!2014-04-251h 30Don't Jump The SharkMasters Of The UniverseHe-Man, wearing only a leather thong saves the universe from the tyranny of the evil Skeletor!2014-04-111h 16Don't Jump The SharkThe A-Team by the DJTS-TeamIn 1972 a crack Podcasting unit was sent to prison by a military court for an Episode they recorded. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Scottish underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have an hour and a half, if no other podcast will suffice, and if you can download it, maybe you can listen to our A-Team Episode.
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Email us like we stole your wife: dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2014-03-271h 32Don't Jump The SharkOscars SpecialWee bitty different this episode me lovelies, we each choose an oscar film that was robbed by the rubbish that normally wins. Post on our Facebook if you have your own examples.
Lets skip over the fact that i said American Hustle was a lock for Best Picture shall we?
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Film for next time is the A Team, boy that Bradley Cooper is easy on the eye eh?2014-03-131h 24Don't Jump The SharkTHUNDERBIRDSYou remember the classic puppet series. Well here's something even more wooden - the live action modern day remake. They should have dusted off the old puppets and used them instead.2014-02-281h 22Don't Jump The SharkFace/Off Cage vs Travolta (Part 2)We round out our "I can't believe we've not done a film by that actor" season with this double whammy of Cage and Travolta. They take their faces off while we try not to nod off. We ask the burning questions in this episode such as; doesn't Travoltas characters wife not notice the difference when they're in bed? Doesn't anyone notice that Nic Cage's character doesn't know his own evil plan?
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Film for next time is Thunderbirds, get your rocket noises ready!2014-02-141h 05Don't Jump The SharkFace/Off Cage vs Travolta (Part 1)We round out our "I can't believe we've not done a film by that actor" season with this double whammy of Cage and Travolta. They take their faces off while we try not to nod off. We ask the burning questions in this episode such as; doesn't Travoltas characters wife not notice the difference when they're in bed? Doesn't anyone notice that Nic Cage's character doesn't know his own evil plan?
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Film for next time is Thunderbirds, get your rocket noises ready!2014-02-141h 06Don't Jump The SharkBeverly Hills Cop 3Well here we are at Bob’s choice in this season. Beverly Hills Cop 3, remember how good the first 2 were? John Landis doesn’t. Neither do we by the end of this. Give us Tony Scott anyday.
Welcome to the Podcast, Eddie Murphy! See you again REAL soon….
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The film for the next episode: Face……………………off2014-01-311h 24Don't Jump The SharkUnder Siege 2A highly decorated special forces chef is not trained to escort his niece on a long train journey home. However, when his train is abruptly hijacked by terrorists who want to use it as a mobile platform to control a new deadly U.S. satellite, his military skills come in to play and he sets about doing what he does best . . . killing.2014-01-161h 27Don't Jump The SharkDr Who The MovieNot a Doctor from the World Health Organisation but in fact a time lord who has no medical training. I think his doctorate was one of those honourary ones they give to the likes of Jeremey Clarkson for shouting loudly at the TV camera. So why Dr. Who I hear you ask well this film is based around the New Year period at the turn of the millenium and being the up to date cats we are we thought this would be perfect for a release in 2014. for those looking for this film it is on British Netflix at the...2014-01-031h 33Don't Jump The SharkHome Alone 2Wow! It is Christmas special time. We tried to fill our hearts with joy to wash away the stench of having to watch serial killer in the making Kevin McAllister torture two men, to burning internal injury.
Also, who gets lube in the secret santa? We think the answer will pleasantly surprise you…..
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The film for the next episode will be Dr Who: The Movie (McGann not Cushing)2013-12-191h 42Don't Jump The SharkMemoirs Of An Invisible ManChevy Chase stars in a modern (1992) take on the 'The Invisible Man' story. Directed with much studio, and star, interference by John Carpenter, and yet he manages to put all the pieces together to tell an alright bit of Sunday afternoon entertainment.
The film becomes all the more enjoyable when Chevy disappears into invisibility and the groundbreaking special effects kick in, placed along side some very well done 'old school' film making effects.
All in all, enjoyable but forgetful.2013-12-061h 36Don't Jump The SharkJurassic Park 3Doodoo doo doo doo doodoo doo doo doo. Both the famous theme tune to this series and a good way to describe it. Come with us as we travel back to Isla Sorna to question how long would it take before Alan Grant had his children taken away by Social Services. We see a Jurassic Park very different from the one we left in Jurassic park 2... oh no wait it's exactly the same just with more dust on things and just as many DEADLY DINOSAURS!!! Just Ross and Bob on this Episode as Grant was attacked by velocoraptors on the...2013-11-221h 38Don't Jump The SharkHunger GamesBoy am I hungry, best to have some games to fight against peasant insurrection then. Oh, what is the link there? Well, they don't make one in this film really. A better name would be the not-hunger games. Or the starving games? Oh, clever hollywood beat me to that one. No of us liked this one much. Marvel at the wide face of Josh Hutcherson, the Thor like look of Woody Harrelson and the fact no one whispered any of the following words: Lord of the Flies, the Running Man or Battle Royale
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Facebook likes...2013-11-081h 32Don't Jump The SharkAn American Werewolf In ParisThings are getting a little hairy this episode as we learn nothing about France, very little about werewolves, and next to nothing about the ordinary American tourist. Crank up your sex points and listen in . . .2013-10-241h 30Don't Jump The SharkSecond Anniversary Special: Independence Day Part TwoIt doesn't feel like two years since we started, well for you it probably does. Follow us on this special episode as we go to a world where no one has seen Star Trek and your best bet for a Tech guy is the buff Jeff Goldblum not Brent Spinner (Star Treks Data). Good luck getting through this film in one sitting!
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Emails can be sent to dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2013-10-1153 minDon't Jump The SharkSecond Anniversary Special: Independence Day Part OneIt doesn't feel like two years since we started, well for you it probably does. Follow us on this special episode as we go to a world where no one has seen Star Trek and your best bet for a Tech guy is the buff Jeff Goldblum not Brent Spinner (Star Treks Data). Good luck getting through this film in one sitting!
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Emails can be sent to dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2013-10-111h 43Don't Jump The SharkPrometheusIn space, androids will watch you dream
Prometheus is an awful film. This is what I choose to believe. Why not give us one trillion dollars so we can investigate why it is bad? That would be nice.
Our pal Renton guests on this one, we needed to split the anger 4 ways on this one. Is it really as bad as folks say? Ooooo, Lets investigate with our biologist chum, oh….. we are lost.
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The film for next episode is...2013-09-261h 47Don't Jump The SharkDOOMKarl Urban Vs The Rock. On Mars and on Earth. With a B.F.G. between them. Nano walls, monsters, rednecks (well one), and a zombie monkey! Oh my! Welcome to the film adaptation of the popular video game.2013-09-131h 27Don't Jump The SharkHouse of the DeadLets take the most expensive boat trip ever to the Sega rave! That's right, take out the film blow on it and then put it back in and switch it on. There's lots more problems with this film than the outdated system it's running on. Uwe Boll helms this ship destined to jump the shark from the outset. But is it really all that bad? Come along and find out, all aboard the pervert boat!
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Send us an email at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com2013-08-281h 39Don't Jump The SharkHitmanBob’s Choice – Hitman (2007)
Join the Jumpers as we shave our heads (Grant didn’t have to) and get a tattoo on our heads (Ross didn’t have to) as we learn how to fire a gun at unsuspecting civilians (Bob didn’t have to). Our computer game season continues with a whimper as we take aim at Hitman. This is our 50th episode so why not bake us a cake?
Fun Fact our episode is LONGER THAN THE FILM.
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Emails appreciated...2013-08-141h 45Don't Jump The SharkResdent EvilTrouble with zombies is they don't really rhyme with anything, we discovered. That and other troubling details emerge in this latest episode about the 2002 "classic" film, 'Resident Evil'. The game series that spawned that re-spawned the game series, it's a corporate love machine that just keeps rolling these things out. But while the games are still relatively playable, the film series seems more convoluted and muddled than ever before. And it all started here . . .2013-07-241h 20Don't Jump The Shark2 Fast 2 FuriousWhy would we do a film with Paul Walker in it?
Just hope we do not DODGE the question.
Is Vin Diesel in this one?
UnFORDunately, Vin wasn't inVOLVOed.
DATSUN good one! YU-GO girl!
Ok I will stop doing that now, the film for this episode is 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003). This film stars, UGH, Paul Walker. Stay still while I vomit. We vroom our way through the lows and lows of this one. This was Ross’s choice, and his wish is our command. Please don’t hit us Ross….you beast! Ok one last pun…I couldn't figure out how to faste...2013-07-181h 26Don't Jump The SharkBonus Pubcast EpisodeHere's an Episode we recorded for the Pubcast crew in their attemt to get podcasters from all around the world to record their own Pubcast Episode. For ours we took a more relaxed look at a seminal scottish classic "Highlander", discusses the sad passing on Iain Banks and the new Superman movie before revealing embarrasing moments from our formative years. You have been warned the audio isn't great (It was recorded in a pub after all) but the show was a good laugh and there were no edit points so you get to hear us thinking!2013-07-071h 01Don't Jump The SharkSphere Part TwoHere's the eagerly anticipated part two of our Sphere episode technical problems are one of my fears and this caused a giant squid to scare our computer (jerry) into throwing a tantrum! never fear part two is here.2013-06-2135 minDon't Jump The SharkRocky 3Da da da da da da da DA da da da DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA –DA DA DA DA DADA DAAAAAAAAAAA DAAAAA
Hulk Hogan, Mr T. Rocky 3. Nuff’ said.
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The film for the next episode is 2 Fast 2 Furious, Post your Don’t Jump the Shark moment on any of our social media for a chance to win a prize!2013-06-201h 35Don't Jump The SharkSphereWhat’s your deepest Sphere? That’s the premise of this film, our deepest fear is created by a Sphere from the future/past. So for the DJTS boys that would be a film where Vigo the Carpathian team up to make a film jump the shark on purpose then. Listen in as we hear Mr. Mumbles (Hoffman) and the Human Black Hole (Liev Schreiber) tackle an alien ball 20,000 leagues under the sea. We hear all about the struggles Sam Jackson has with having a shower in peace and the recipe for the perfect Scottish rubbish bin. The terrors of the...2013-05-191h 03Don't Jump The SharkBattleshipTitle is one letter out…..
With a brand new co-host on board, we hose down the poop deck and expand our Mavy month with stinker Battleship (2012). We’ll hear the DJTS boys talk their way through racism and non-acting. Standard fare for us really. There’s a mumbling performance and a half from Liam Neeson, lie back and think of the paycheck Mr Third Leg. All Aboard!!!!
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The film for the next episode is Sphere, Post you...2013-05-091h 39Don't Jump The SharkTwinsYAKETY YAK! Arnie’s back! With a creepy growling twin in the form of Danny Devito. We’ll hear the DJTS boys talk their way through this film where Arnie’s constantly flashing his little Devito. There’s a pavement that’s got a grudge with some poor bystanders face and Ivan Reitman keeps forgetting the difference between a rural island and a desert island. We manage to power our way through with the use of my new favourite website IMCDB and reminiscence about Ant and Dec. Lets get ready to rumble!
Go on give us a follow on Facebook: Don’t Jump...2013-04-241h 09Don't Jump The SharkSpeed 2: Cruise ControlOh folks, this one is a doozy. I guarantee you will not find a film with more logical flaws than Speed 2: Cruise Control(1997). The film was directed by Dutch (Yes, that is why we do that weird vague European impression) director Jan De Bont. Do you like Jason Patric? No, me neither. Our most frequent guest host Bob, suggested this for us and forced us to watch it too. He nearly made Grant watch it twice before he realised what was going on.
Just some notes for this episode: Sometimes we call Temura Morrison by his real name, sometimes Jango...2013-04-111h 30Don't Jump The SharkShameMichael Fassbender returns to our hallowed screen to screw his way through the population of America in SHAME (2011). A film without plot, theme or character, somehow still manages to annoy me a LOT. Seriously, he has sex; I have described the whole bloody film to you. This film also stars Hairy Mulligan, as his sister, Sissy. Not shown on screen is his dog, Dogsy.
This episode was suggested by @slimbosquest, who was also nice enough to guest for it. To submit your ideas for episodes head over to twitter and post to @DontJumpShark.
Go and give us a follow on...2013-03-271h 07Don't Jump The SharkDaredevilBen Affleck portrays blind comic book hero Daredevil as the Don’t Jump the Shark boys try to work out where the award winning director/actor came from because he was certainly hidden well in this film. Listen as Jon Faverau shines as the best character in this film (yes you read that correctly) and Jennifer Garner divides opinion. Who’ll win out in this battle between good and evil, certainly not the music of 2003 anyway that’s for sure! This episode was suggested by @maiafire to submit your ideas for episodes head over to twitter and post to @DontJumpShark.
Go on...2013-03-141h 10Don't Jump The SharkMiss CongenialityHello fine audience. Did you want us to do a Chick Flick? Well tough, we did it anyway. This one has Shatner in it so is just inherently awesome. This episode we cover Miss Congeniality, and have a whale of a time with it too. Oh wait, that whale was Shatner. Just for the record Benjamin Bratt is the worst THING ever.
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Please give us a review if you like this podcast, and...2013-02-281h 09Don't Jump The SharkMission Impossible 2The Cruise missile is back and this time he’s got his eye set on Glenrothes local Dougray Scott. Watch Tom soil himself when he realises he’s convinced the crew not to give him any safety rope and now he’s half way up a mountain and those special powers of his aint working. Listen in as the Don’t Jump the Shark boys kill the big boss at the end using a SNES and a WWF Wrestlemania Cartridge. Prepare yourself for an onslaught of 10 minute plastic surgery and quipy lines no Scotsman would ever say!
Go on give us a fol...2013-02-151h 20Don't Jump The SharkStar Trek V: The Final FrontierThe JumpCast lads travel to the great barrier at the centre of the universe, to tackle the unimaginable together. Yes, we are fighting against the incomparable Ego of William Shatner. He really hates those side characters, huh? They hate him too though. This film is hilarious at every point except when they make jokes.
I know this podcast like the back of my hand (THUMP) ooooowwwww.
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Please give us a review if you...2013-01-311h 11Don't Jump The SharkStar Wars Episode 3WAR! And politics and Anakin Frank moaning about his promotion rather than being glad the Nazis didn’t get him. Yep despite this being cram packed with Star Wars type things it ends up coming of looking like something a fanboy put together in a lunch break whilst on work experience at Skywalker Sound. Come listen to us Barbeque this film with our UNLIMITED POWER! How would you like your Sith Lord prepared (I’m afraid we only have charred left). Prepare yourself George Lucas’ Outer Rim is about to get Kit Fisto’d by the Don’t Jump The Shark boys...2013-01-171h 47Don't Jump The SharkTenacious D and the Pick of DestinyTwo fat, ugly, unappreciated, overacting and arrogant losers move from one unfunny joke to the next. Anyway, enough about the Don’t Jump the Shark boys, (zing!) would you like to know what film we are covering? Drum Roll Please….
Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
We are so bored with this one we spend a good 10 minutes of the episode discussing Lou Diamond Phillips and Jimmy Nail. Basically Liam Lynch couldn’t direct a film even if you stapled his groin to the camera. And I did. Kyle Gass (Ironic that is his name given the amount of fart j...2012-12-261h 19Don't Jump The SharkJingle All The WayWhen Christmas rolls around there’s nothing better than settling down to a lovely family film. How many terrorists and bomb plots would you like in your film? Also would you like a drunk Anakin Skywalker in it? Tough, as Arnie shows us in this film, Christmas romps can’t always overcome all obstacles as it gets eaten alive by the sharks it’s jumping! We have Bob back on to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas because this film certainly doesn’t! P.s. the jingling is coming from Arnies’ Trousers.
Follow us on twitter @DontJumpShark and feel free...2012-12-131h 19Don't Jump The SharkDie Hard 2 RemasteredThere is nothing better than a lovely sugary Christmas film at this time of year. We chose Die Hard 2. There was so much swearing in this film if you take out the swears there’s only 15minutes of dialogue. Fact. Let this foul mouthed film take you away from the hustle and bustle of shopping and caring for children or the elderly as we explore the crazy world or John "No Luck" McLane.
Follow us on twitter @DontJumpShark and feel free to send us your spam at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com. Follow us on Facebook at Don't Jump The Shark Film Po...2012-12-131h 25Don't Jump The SharkSpiderman 3Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever an emo can.
Sandman, Sandman, does whatever a beach can
This week the JumpCast get caught in a web. A web of jokes about Ginger people. A web of weird Jimmy Franco line deliveries. A web of problems for Spidey, ENTIRELY OF HIS OWN MAKING. A web of poor singing from Kirsten Dunst (Is it her?), A brief web of enjoyable moments from J.K Simmons and Bruce Campbell. A web of Topher ‘Ringpiece’ Grace and his acting ‘skills’. A web of sand?
We should mention that friend of the Pod, Paul Canning (PC) suggested this to us. W...2012-11-291h 12Don't Jump The SharkMoonrakerThe names Jond, Bames Jond. We suffer through head colds to bring you a Bond special to celebrate the new James Bond film. This particular James Bond film though is much less spy thriller and more Ernest goes to Space. We listen as Old Granny Penny can't even tickle the fancy of Rodger Moore despite James just humping his way across the world. The boys discuss the bronzing of balls and the subsequent effect on oral pleasure, Oh James!
Follow us on twitter @DontJumpShark and feel free to send us your spam at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com. Follow us on Facebook...2012-11-141h 15Don't Jump The SharkHalloween (2007)This is Halloween, Rob Zombie's Halloween, Rape and Boobs all around.
This time the JumpCast tackle the film with the most logical flaws in the history of recorded time. Seriously, Rob Zombie makes Akiva Goldsman look like William Goldman. Not cool Beardy, not cool. We decide to give Myers a voice too, sometimes its like Barney, sometimes more like Austin Powers.
Just listen...
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Please give us a review if you like this...2012-10-311h 14Don't Jump The SharkI RobotAye Robot more like! In the first episode of the second series the boys return to their roots (Will Smith Films that start with "I") and watch Will Smith express himself by throwing bikes at people to save bullets in his quest to rid the world of robots. As we find out he's a robacist (racist against robots) and will stop at nothing to stop Hal 9000, sorry I mean VIKI from ending the human race. Listen out for Steve the Beef getting told to go home to his bed too!
Follow us on twitter @DontJumpShark and feel free to send...2012-10-181h 14Don't Jump The SharkIn the Belly of the SharkThe boys take a little bit of breathing room, and have a wee bit of a catch up episode. We are going to not discuss a movie this time, but rather take some time to give you some background on us and the podcast.
We will discuss such things as how the podcast formed, what films we love and the guests we have been luck enough to have on the show.
Hope you enjoy this little breather episode, and we will be back with our anniversary episode 'I, Robot' next time.
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and feel free to...2012-10-0553 minDon't Jump The SharkDirty DancingNobody puts baby in the corner (because nobody can fit her nose in). Hear the Don’t Jump the Shark boys learn how to dance the pod-dango under the instruction of Siobhan (@sbrown87). We’ve strapped on our dancing bra’s and tight black wifebeaters before some vigorous reviewing of this movie beloved by women everywhere. Does it jump the shark? We’ll see, but one thing’s for sure moustache-abortion is a funny topic. Listen in to see if we can learn all the moves in time for the synchronised dance routine at the end with the dreamy… Jerry Orbach!
Fo...2012-09-201h 23Don't Jump The SharkJudge DreddI am the LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
This episode we suffer through the comic ruination that is Judge Dredd. Gasp as he takes off his helmet after 2 minutes. Groan as he teams up with racist hobbit Rob Schneider. Seethe as he kisses Judge Hershey, and smiles all over the place. Did no-one read the source material?
This one was suggested by @greencapt, he hates us.
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Please give us a review if you like this podcast...2012-09-061h 22Don't Jump The SharkGreen LanternRyan Reynolds is at it again using his super power of destroying comic book movies with his quirky-ness this time they didn’t even stitch his mouth up! 2011’s Green Lantern here gets ruined to the point Grant’s pretty sure it was Grey lantern he was watching. Guesting on the podcast this week is Green Lantern fan (though not of the film as we find out) Rob (@rob_flett). Join us as we travel from Coast city to the far reaches of the galaxy, (none of which seems to bother Reynolds) and remember wait until your married to wear the or...2012-08-231h 17Don't Jump The SharkPirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's ChestYo-ho-ho, and a bucket of cum. We watched another movie, this one lasted for 3 weeks and left us both with a lasting case of PTWAD. That stands for Post Traumatic Wooden Acting Disorder. This time we went for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, yes we like you JD, but everyone else is horrific.
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Please give us a review if you like this podcast, and help us try to get into the...2012-08-101h 06Don't Jump The SharkTransformersTransformers, robots in plain sight. This episode Michael Bay attempts to destroy our childhood and inadvertently makes some decent parts too. Join us as we sift through the wreckage of this film to find the good parts with our special guest Transformers fan Chris (@wawawawawardy). This epic journey will see us on the quest for something, no not the cube/matrix but a fight scene where you can tell what on earth is going on!
Our Facebook competition to appear on the show is still ongoing, so if you haven’t already, like us on Facebook.
Follow us on twitter @Do...2012-07-291h 25Don't Jump The SharkSummer Mash Up: Preview/ReviewHave you watched every single film in the last year, in the hope we would mention it? Well dear listener, this is the episode for you.
We take films that have come out in the last year, some good and most mainly bad, and discuss them. Then we look forward to films yet to come, will Taken 2 drop a Megaton on you?
Listen to us turn 21 in style with a special episode.
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Follow us on Facebook at Don't Jump The Shark Film Podcast. Please...2012-07-131h 19Don't Jump The SharkTwilightHow do you like your vampires? Creepy, abusive, great at climbing, driving Volovos and sparkling? Well we've got the film for you. Theres a lot going on in this film so keep your eyes on the plot, oh no wait all the plot is in the last 30 mins, you can sleep for the rest of it. This podcast also has an interesting intermisson game where we recite some fan fiction (don't worry no "fifty shades of grey") and ask you to vote for which is worse on twitter and facebook with the hashtags #teamgrant or #teamross.
Follow us on twitter...2012-06-291h 14Don't Jump The SharkChicagoWe give it the ol' razzle dazzle this episode as we tackle our first Musical, and Best Picture Winner: Chicago!
The boys have another guest on, this one is from Glasgow. To be honest she is a bit boob obsessed in this episode. Never a bad thing though is it?
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Please give us a review if you like this podcast, and help us try to get into the charts. The film for...2012-06-141h 05Don't Jump The SharkWedding CrashersIt's a Wedding heist gone wrong, starring Vince Vaghn, Owen Wilson and Christopher Walken, prepare for some... romantic comedy? Yes it was the wrong choice of genre, straight out the gate, it screamed comedy but the insisted, no lets make it a romantic comedy. No Hollywood! bad boy/girl! Robert Cudmore (@RobCudmore) joins us to motorboat this film all the way into those shark-infested waters, won't you join us? Otherwise Isla Fisher will find you!
Follow us on twitter @DontJumpShark and feel free to send us your spam at dontjumptheshark@hotmail.com. Follow us on Facebook at Don't Jump The...2012-05-311h 16Don't Jump The Shark300How do you like your action movie? With unintentional homoeroticism, and dashings of slo-mo? Boy, do we have the film for you! 300 is an action movie with a difference, complete lack of action for a start. Just listen, and see if we can work out where in Greece these accents are supposed to be from.
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Please give us a review if you like this podcast and help us try to get into...2012-05-171h 03Don't Jump The SharkPretty WomanOh pretty woman, walking down the... watch out for that skateboard with a knife in it! Yes Richard Gere is here to treat Julia Roberts like a peice of rubbish and get away with it in this film, watch as he does a lot more than just snap a box shut on her fingers. Will the boys be able to get past the shopping montages? Well they have drafted in their first ever female guest host to help them. Listen and find out if there really is a happy ending after all (there were a few for Richard Geres character...2012-05-041h 18