Shows
Not About LumberjacksEnemy Wanted
Ferdinand Pérez gets more than he bargained for when he answers a flyer ad taped to a telephone pole looking for an enemy.
Content Advisory: “Enemy Wanted” deals with difficulty sleeping, a blurred sense of reality, crime, cartoonish violence, illness, a death, and wishing for an early end to life. That makes it sound dismal, but I assure you…it’s a blast of a story.
Also, it’s one with no swearing. Still, were it a movie, it would be rated PG (or maybe PG-13 for mature themes), so be aware. Also, because there are s...2025-02-2249 minNot About LumberjacksEnemy Wanted
Ferdinand Pérez gets more than he bargained for when he answers a flyer ad taped to a telephone pole looking for an enemy.
Content Advisory: “Enemy Wanted” deals with difficulty sleeping, a blurred sense of reality, crime, cartoonish violence, illness, a death, and wishing for an early end to life. That makes it sound dismal, but I assure you…it’s a blast of a story.
Also, it’s one with no swearing. Still, were it a movie, it would be rated PG (or maybe PG-13 for mature themes), so be aware. Also, because there are s...2025-02-2249 minNot About LumberjacksChristmas Miscellany 8
Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time once again…time for the annual Not About Lumberjacks Christmas episode. If you’re new, here, eight years ago I gathered up all my shorter short stories (like stocking stuffers) and released them for the holidays. Since then, the effort has grown, but no matter how random the tales are, the last one is always a Christmas story of some sort.
This year’s stories:
“Crispas Echo” – We travel back to 1985 for a tale of summer school friendship and…Taco Bell!
“A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Pl...2024-12-0854 minNot About LumberjacksChristmas Miscellany 8
Ho Ho Ho! It’s that time once again…time for the annual Not About Lumberjacks Christmas episode. If you’re new, here, eight years ago I gathered up all my shorter short stories (like stocking stuffers) and released them for the holidays. Since then, the effort has grown, but no matter how random the tales are, the last one is always a Christmas story of some sort.
This year’s stories:
“Crispas Echo” – We travel back to 1985 for a tale of summer school friendship and…Taco Bell!
“A Very Strange Day (On Our Neighboring Red Pl...2024-12-0854 minNot About LumberjacksThe Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart
Join Mighty Missy Stewart and her badger buddy, Tamarack, as they come of age in a time of expanding frontiers and rugged lumberjacks!
Content Advisory: Were “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” a movie, it would be rated PG. There’s some good-natured teasing and a non-descriptive death. What might put it into the PG realm instead of General Audiences is the mention of some woodland monsters. But this one’s a really light-hearted and fun tale.
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Audio stories are best with the perfect narrator, and “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” is brought t...2024-11-1131 minNot About LumberjacksThe Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart
Join Mighty Missy Stewart and her badger buddy, Tamarack, as they come of age in a time of expanding frontiers and rugged lumberjacks!
Content Advisory: Were “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” a movie, it would be rated PG. There’s some good-natured teasing and a non-descriptive death. What might put it into the PG realm instead of General Audiences is the mention of some woodland monsters. But this one’s a really light-hearted and fun tale.
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Audio stories are best with the perfect narrator, and “The Legend of Mighty Missy Stewart” is brought t...2024-11-1131 minNot About LumberjacksOverwinter
In this celebration of solitude, Daniel’s life is changed forever after spending 5 months alone on an island 13 miles off the Maine coast.
Content Advisory: “Overwinter” deals with a job change, longing, solitude vs. loneliness, and does contain a couple words you’ve probably heard on TV or at work this week. There are also a couple scenes with moderate consumption of alcohol.
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Credits:
Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Anders Schill Paulsen, licensed through Epidemic Sound.
Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.
Episode Transcript >>2024-08-241h 01Not About LumberjacksOverwinter
In this celebration of solitude, Daniel’s life is changed forever after spending 5 months alone on an island 13 miles off the Maine coast.
Content Advisory: “Overwinter” deals with a job change, longing, solitude vs. loneliness, and does contain a couple words you’ve probably heard on TV or at work this week. There are also a couple scenes with moderate consumption of alcohol.
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Credits:
Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Anders Schill Paulsen, licensed through Epidemic Sound.
Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund.
Episode Transcript >>
2024-08-241h 01Not About LumberjacksMudlarking
When Eva Barrett decides to give mudlarking on the Thames River foreshore a go, she finds something very strange during low tide.
Content Advisory: “Mudlarking” is pretty tame. There’s some violence in the form of fighting, and even then: it’s not brutal “people-are-dying fighting” — more like light action movie fighting. And when it comes to swearing, it’s pretty non-existent (you’re likely to hear worse on television). The worst it gets is an “S” word instead of “poop.”
If you’re driving, there is one collision with a vehicle. Not a screeching tires kind of c...2024-06-0700 minNot About LumberjacksIt's Never Too Late
When Stanley Gladstone takes his time machine for a test run, he gets more than he bargained for when it breaks down, leaving him stranded in 1983.
Content Advisory: “It’s Never Too Late” deals with regret, death (including a decayed body), personal loss, and the sound of someone vomiting. Also, if you’re driving, be aware there’s a scene with the main character following someone on foot that contains skidding tire sounds. I don’t want you to be driving and freaking out, thinking something’s coming at you! It’s just that moment in the story.2024-03-211h 12Not About LumberjacksChristmas Miscellany 7
This year’s Christmas episode consists of three stories — one of them a Christmas tale.
“The World Beneath Her Brush”: This one’s about a globemaker—and I really like it!
“The King of French Fries”: Not only a story from the point of view of a parking lot-dwelling grackle, but it’s also accompanied by an original song.
“Suburban Home”: Aging punk rockers battling their homeowners’ association over Christmas decorations.
Content Advisory: “The World Beneath Her Brush” and “The King of French Fries” barely merit content advisories. At most, they are about personal struggle in the hope of having a better life. “S...2023-12-1059 minNot About LumberjacksOld Growth
You are a lumberjack alone on the side of a mountain with whomever—or whatever—killed your fellow loggers.
(Yep! This one’s in second person…)
Content Advisory: “Old Growth” deals with death, gore, anguish, being lost in a forest, being alone in the dark, and…creatures. But hey, at least there’s no swearing!
There’s really only one rather unpleasant horror scene. The rest is more just…creepy in its intent.
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Before getting into the tale, I want to thank everyone for supporting Not About Lumberjacks and helping make thi...2023-11-0933 minNot About LumberjacksLakeview Estates
The residents of Lakeview Estates Mobile Home Community battle the city and developers in an attempt to save their homes from demolition to make way for a golf course.
Content Advisory: “Lakeview Estates” deals with loss of homes, corruption, mention of drug and alcohol addiction (including teen marijuana use), death, arson, violence, incarceration, and infidelity. Also: after a six-episode run with no swearing, that’s back, too!
Also: There is a brief moment of emergency vehicle sounds, so if you’re driving…don’t panic!
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Credits:
Music: Theme – Ergo...2023-09-261h 15Not About LumberjacksFiring the Muse
When Warren Quinn trades his existing workaday muse for a more literary muse, he gets much more than he bargained for.
Content Advisory: “Firing the Muse” deals with stresses and job loss around creative work. There’s casual alcohol consumption and smoking—and a very brief allusion to combat PTSD. Unless you consider “dammit” swearing, this is the sixth Not About Lumberjacks story with no language advisory. (I can already tell you there won’t be a seventh.)
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Credits:
Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Jackie Martin, licensed through Epidemic Sound.
Story and Narrat...2023-07-1635 minNot About LumberjacksThe Song of the Stone
Zander Pierson’s dissatisfaction with living the life others expected from him leads to a stone in a Swedish forest that also called to Einvaldr Brúnn at a turning point in his life in the early 860s.
Content Advisory: “The Song of the Stone” deals with lack of job and life satisfaction, pressure to marry and have children, career pressure, and death from illness.
A Thank You and Some Links…
A mighty thank you to Miro Karjalainen, aka Three Star Vagabond, for answering some questions about Stockholm and Birka. If there are...2023-05-231h 00Not About LumberjacksRockbiters
Find out what happens when the Forgefire brothers, while mining in an asteroid belt called The Delve, discover something that changes the lives of an entire solar system. (Yep, it’s Dwarves in Space!!!)
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Credits:
Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Martin Goldmann.
A BIG thank you to Martin for not only allowing me to use his music for “Rockbiters,” but for composing two pieces of music inspired by the story and our brief discussions online. Check out what he’s up to here:
Martin’s Main YouTube Channel
Martin’s “Ambient Moods...2023-03-0958 minNot About LumberjacksChristmas Miscellany 6
This year’s Christmas episode consists of four stories wrapped inside a bigger story.
“When Anders Came Home for Christmas”: An estranged family member returns home on Christmas Eve.
“Santa’s Sad Helper”: An unemployed factory worker takes a job as a Santa’s helper in the hope of making enough money for Christmas presents.
“The Nutcracker and Elf”: Tradition and modernism battle for the true spirit of Christmas.
“The Red Thief”: A new friendship forms when items begin going missing.
“Trollson”: The legend of the Sleeping Mountain.
Content Advisory: “When Anders Came Home for Christmas” deals with family drama, cartoon vio...2022-12-2241 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Contemplating Things So...finally...the lost episode. Gorilla Christopher apologizes for losing his side of the original recording and then...all the wackiness that followed. But...he re-recorded his side of the show and pieced it all together. It's more to the point because to match up cross-talk would have taken a lot of time. So it's pretty much, "Hey: here's a question!" and then Gorilla Shawn's answer and then Gorilla Christopher. Here's what was discussed: When did you first start contemplating things? (And what did...2022-08-2858 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Taking a Break So...it's been a while. We're still alive and still doing our things...we just haven't been recording Men in Gorilla Suits. The quick version is: Chris lost his side of a recording, we both got sick, and this summer in Texas has really sucked. But if you want to know more, you can listen to Gorilla Christopher's husky COVID voice for five minutes as he catches listeners up on the Gorilla Men's whereabouts... * * * Gorilla Photo: Valentin Jorel. 2022-08-1004 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking About Generation X So...uhm...Gorilla Christopher was all set up to record, but...he didn't set up his MacBook audio settings to look for his audio interface and microphone. So...the laptop mic picked up sound, meaning...Christopher's sound is pretty shoddy this episode. But...it's kinda fitting. As the older Gen-X member of the GorillaMen, just pretend he's recording this episode from the late 80s/early 90s, totally hosed and sitting on the floor of a friends' apartment where he often crashed. That said, this is what is...2022-05-221h 18
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Skipping a Week Sometimes, life happens. That's a rather ridiculous statement when you think about it. Life is always happening. If you're asleep, things are still happening that affect your life. So let's start over. Because Gorilla Shawn was recently traveling and is currently feeling a little under the weather...and because Gorilla Christopher is redoing his office right now, we're skipping the scheduled episode of Men in Gorilla Suits this week. It will likely be released next week. (At the latest, in two weeks on...2021-07-1001 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking About Mythology 2021-05-151h 09
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Remembering Things It is rather funny that, despite having this episode about memories edited and ready to go, Gorilla Christopher forgot to get it online yesterday. And since he is prepping for a long weekend in East Texas, this is all he's typing. Well, this...and what we talk about this episode: What's your first memory? Do you have a good memory? How reliable is human memory? What tricks or methods do you use to assist your memory? What's your favorite memory from your life? What memories of your own...2021-05-011h 13
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Making Progress The hands of time creep forward and the pages of calendars turn. Along the way, microbes become creatures that leave the water and eventually walk upright. In time, the Progenies of Time create societies, the Internet, and so many other things. Progress marches on, so...this time around, that's what the Gorillamen discuss. Specifically: When is the first time you were aware of progress (societal, technological, other). How much societal progress would you say you’ve seen through your lifetime? Technological? What thing would mid...2021-04-021h 07
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Trying New Things Once upon a time, there were two little gorillas who worked together in the mortgage branch of a very large bank. They liked each other enough that they stayed in touch, even after leaving that job and going their separate ways. They talked about starting a new thing: a podcast. They jumped into that new thing, and the only thing that ever stopped them in a release week was the recent Texas winterpocalypse that wiped out power and Internet connectivity for most of a week. The Gorillamen...2021-03-191h 15
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking About Modern Conspiracies This is not the government writing this intro to tell you that Gorilla Shawn, recently receiving his first COVID-19 vaccine dose, is now under the control of Bill Gates. And Gorilla Christopher recently didn't eat fake Texas snow, and is not now a HAARP zombie! Nope...nothing to see, here...move on... This time around, while still rebounding from the big Texas winter storm, the Gorillamen are taking on modern conspiracy theories. (Yes, they talked about conspiracy theories way back in Episode 3, but this time, it's more recent things...and the...2021-03-051h 13
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Snowed In A quick update... For the first time in over 315 episodes (eight years), it looks like we won't get an episode out during its scheduled week. Because of the unprecedented storm that hit Texas this week, Gorilla Shawn has been without power, and Gorilla Christopher spent much of the week without Internet. Not sure if we will release the new episode next week, or wait for the next scheduled week. Just wanted to let everyone know what's up! 2021-02-1801 minNot About LumberjacksGeocachedWhen Wayne finds strange items in geocaches along the old lumber roads of northern Minnesota, he becomes obsessed with discovering who’s leaving the items behind. What he finds changes his life forever… * * * Credits: Music: Theme – Ergo Phizmiz. Story – Headlund, licensed from Epidemic Sound. Photo: Cache Mania. Story: Christopher Gronlund. Narration: […]2020-11-1219 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Justifying Things Gorilla Christopher almost totally forgot to load this! Sad thing: he got a jump on the episode, but didn't get to this part on Wednesday. Were he to justify things, he'd say, "Well, technically, our release date is Friday...Wednesdays just happened along the way..." Or he could have said something about a busy work-week or that things got lost in the excitement of an approaching long weekend in the U.S. But nah, he just totally forgot! Still...this time around, it's...2020-09-041h 02
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seem...Being Shamed "Remember the time that I spilled the cup / Of apple juice in the hall / Please tell mom this is not her fault…" Blink-182 - "Adam's Song" This time around, we're talking about shame… Specifically, this: When did you first become aware of shame? Do you find shame a problematic thing? What's the most shame you've ever felt? What is something society (or even a large group of people) seem ashamed of that doesn't bother you at all? Have you ever sham...2020-08-201h 12
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Popular You wouldn't know it by looking at us, but we have always been popular. The smartest and fittest -- Homecoming Kings...all-state quarterbacks. As adults, we've turned down film roles, eschewed playing in popular bands...even refusing roles as heads of state. Instead, we Gorillamen have chosen to channel all our popularity into a podcast that gets 250-500 listens a month! (Top those numbers, This American Life!!!) Okay, so this week, two unpopular geeks talk about popular things. Specifically, this: ...2020-08-051h 08Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut - PepperMy good friend, Curtis Hart, requested this episode. He wanted to know why sometimes I tease an episode…only to release it much later — sometimes even releasing multiple episodes before it. He gets his answer in this behind-the-scenes look at what goes into an episode of Not About Lumberjacks. Episode Transcript >>2020-07-2509 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Controlling Do as we say...not as we do... (The Gorillamen know best...) You will listen to this episode and like it because we made it and we are in control... Okay, so you probably know by now that we are two of the least controlling people on the planet. But it's a good topic worthy of discussion, so...our gift to you (and what we discuss): When did you first become aware of the concept of control? Were you raised...2020-07-231h 17Not About LumberjacksPepperA father returns as a reincarnated, talking dog in an attempt to make amends with his estranged son. Content Advisory: Language, some [gloriously] crude humor, and discussions about the death of a family member from cancer. Yeah, Pepper dies, so it’s technically a dead-dog story…but it’s the protagonist’s dad. * * * Credits: Music: Theme […]2020-07-0341 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut - Under the Big TopIn this behind-the-scenes look at “Under the Big Top,” I talk about what I like (and dislike) about mysteries — and why I tend to not write them… Episode Transcript >>2020-06-1009 min
Men in Gorilla Suitsshawn kupfer, christopher gronlund, men in gorilla suits, adventure, adventure podcast, how to have an adventure, affordable adventures May 29, 2020: We have run out of food in the arctic. Having eaten the sled dogs, we Gorillamen decided our last act would be recording a podcast. Good friends that we are, each offering their life for the other, we decided to let nature survive. One of us might make it after eating the other should one of us die first. But it is possible, as cold as it is, that we might not make it through the night... This episode, we're talking about these fine topics of adventure: ...2020-05-301h 31Not About LumberjacksUnder the Big TopAn FBI agent nearing forced retirement races to solve the case that’s haunted him for years. Will he find the break he needs at a traveling circus? Content Advisory: Swearing, mention of child abduction, mention of sexual assault, mention of child murders, eating disorders, and violence (fighting and a shooting). Cannibalism. * * * Credits: […]2020-05-121h 01
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Eating Pizza In Gorilla Christopher's efforts to not talk about that thing everyone is talking about, this week we talk about...PIZZA!!! Here's a peek at the points: When did you first become aware of pizza? When’s the last time you ate pizza? What, to you, makes a pizza great? Why do you think pizza is so popular? Worst pizza you ever had? Your all-time favorite pizza? Have you ever worked in the pizza industry in any way? What are your favorite pizza toppings? Where do you stand on wh...2020-04-301h 07
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Quarantined Dearest listeners. While the pandemic is far-reaching, we Gorillamen are doing as well as can be expected. Such dire circumstances, but we must strive for some semblance of our lives before March, when the vapors strongly made its presence known. But if history tells us nothing else, it's that those of us who stay in place and consider many things have the greatest odds of weathering through. To that end, Gorilla Shawn and Gorilla Christopher communicated recently through telegraph, creating a thing that history may remember one day as a "podcast."2020-04-171h 28
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Forgiving With the world in a weird state right now, the Gorillamen have thought about addressing Da Covidz, but instead...Gorilla Christopher opted for something more inspirational...forgiveness. (He almost went with Pizza as the topic, so expect that next time it's his call...) Anyway, here we go... When did you first become aware of forgiveness? Are you a very forgiving person? What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever forgiven? Is there anything you can’t forgive? How does living in a world that demand...2020-04-021h 09
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking about Toxic Masculinity This week, we're nailing bitches and battlin' bros...it's all about toxic masculinity! [And if you're completely new...uhm...we're not fans of toxic masculinity. Gorilla Shawn is currently at DisneyWorld and Gorilla Christopher just helped his wife of 27+ years with the lunchtime dishes...] Anyway, here's what we talk about this time around: When did you first hear about toxic masculinity? Growing up, were there toxic males close to you in life? Who? (And how do you think that affects boys?) Why do you...2020-01-081h 35Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Christmas Miscellany IIIA bit about how the annual Christmas episode came to be…and what is in store for Not About Lumberjacks in the year ahead… * * * Episode Transcript >>2020-01-0307 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Reviewing 2019 Gorilla Shawn decided a look back at the year that was would be snazzy...and Gorilla Christopher agreed. So, here's what we thought about 2019... * * * What was the first thing this year you thought was cool? What was the best thing that happened to you this year? Worst thing? Best thing that happened in the world? Worst? Favorite episode of men in gorilla suits? Favorite other piece of media from this year? Thing you wish you’d done this year? Thing you wish you’d done better this year? What...2019-12-271h 09Not About LumberjacksChristmas Miscellany IIIFor the third year in a row, it’s a handful of stories — instead of just one — all to make your holidays merry and bright! This year’s lineup: My Grandmother Wrestled Bears – A drifter returns home to her grandmother’s house for the holidays. The Beast in the Back – The truth behind the […]2019-12-2126 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – The Lumberjack of WilliamsburgThe latest episode of Not About Lumberjacks is a fictional podcast that takes a turn from typical to serious. I talk about entrepreneurial podcasts in general, and then specifically discuss the inspiration behind Brooke’s story when her interview with the Lumberjack of Williamsburg falls apart… Content Advisory: Poverty and Eating Disorders. And I think I […]2019-12-1510 minNot About LumberjacksThe Lumberjack of WilliamsburgAn entrepreneurial podcast takes a turn for the worst…and then just keeps going… Content Advisory: Swearing, poverty, eating disorders, and arguing.Oh, and smarmy entrepreneurial podcast tropes…ugh! * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and April Moon. Story: Christopher Gronlund. Voice Actors: Cynthia Griffith and Christopher Gronlund. Episode Transcript >>2019-12-0827 minNot About LumberjacksBeen SickA two and a half minute update about the November anniversary episode. Short version: I’ve been sick… Transcript >>2019-12-0102 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Streaming Things Gorilla Christopher has been sick for a week, and it's Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., so let's get right to what we chat about this episode...about streaming services. * * * When was the first time you heard of a streaming service? (Music or video)? What’s the first streaming service you used? How many streaming services do you use now? How many are paid vs. unpaid? How much do you spend on streaming? What’s your favorite streaming service? What’s the worst streaming service? Do you still subscr...2019-11-281h 38
ScreamQueenz: Where Horror Gets GAY!CUBE (1997) with MICHAEL HOWIE and CHRISTOPHER GRONLUNDMICHAEL HOWIE from DEFENDER RADIO and CHRISTOPHER GRONLUND from NOT ABOUT LUMBERJACKS and I are trapped in this weird cube thing. Our combined beards are taking up a LOT of the space in here, but feel free to squeeze on in while we discuss the Canadian sci-fi classic CUBE.Cube, directed by VINCENZO NATALI stars NICOLE DE BOER, DAVID HEWLITT and NICKY GUADAGNI.EVERY DAY ISH A L L O W E E N:A Fundraiser for New Alternatives For Homeless LGBT YouthDonate directly at bit.ly/sqpodn...2019-11-251h 33Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – BoogerI will freely admit that I indulged my inner twelve-year-old with the sound design for “Booger.” In this look behind the story, I discuss its inspiration and…its rather vile sounds… Episode Transcript >>2019-11-1707 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Complaining Instead of complaining about how busy this week is for Gorilla Christopher, he's just going to post what he and Gorilla Shawn talked about this week: When were you first aware of this thing called complaining? Are you much of a complainer? When you do complain, what do you tend to complain about? How well do you handle being around people who complain? Why do you think some people complain as much as they do? What role do you think social media has played in complaining? Where do you hear most of...2019-11-141h 15Not About LumberjacksBoogerA kid makes a monster in his bathtub for a very specific reason… (What could go wrong?) Content Advisory: Swearing, bullying. Mention of masturbation. A father who cheats on his wife. Overbearing mother. Violence: young boys fighting. Gross sound effects. (Seriously, I received more feedback about “Booger” than any other story…all about how disgusting the […]2019-11-0228 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Stoic Some weeks, there are things you just have to accept. Not that it was a bad week, but Gorilla Christopher was like [to himself]: "Chill...you'll get the episode up at some point...worst case, Gorilla Shawn's always got your back..." So here it is, in its snazzy glory...all about...stoicism... * * * This is how it flows: When did you first become aware of stoicism? Do you consider yourself stoic? Whether or not you consider yourself stoic, what are some...2019-10-181h 12
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Determined Because Gorilla Christopher is determined to get some writing in during his lunch break, here's what we chat about this week: When did you first become aware of determination? Are you a very determined person? What is the best thing, to you, about determination? What is the worst thing, to you, about determination? Who is the most determined person you know? Do you think there's anything wrong with not being a determined person? Can one be determined without being ambitious? As a society, do you think we place too much importance on...2019-09-181h 20
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Talented Very few people know Gorilla Shawn is a concert pianist and Gorilla Christopher is a chamber cellist. We are tops when it comes to our Mensa scores. Christopher swam the English Channel...under water, while holding his breath. Shawn can assemble furniture with his mind. Don't even get us started on our mad dance skills. But still...we are the most talented gorillas you will ever meet, and we combine all our talents into the most important thing you will listen to this week: the two of us talking...2019-09-041h 19Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Alone in HQ“Alone in HQ” is a satire, but maybe just barely. Some thoughts about the illness permeating many corporations and those working for them…and the effect that had on this story. (Also, a bit about Ayn Rand and the framing device of Anthem as it pertains to “Alone in HQ.”) Episode Transcript >>2019-08-2612 minNot About LumberjacksAlone in HQFemurs were wielded, and CEOs fell… After the apocalypse, a lowly office worker is alive and alone in headquarters…keeping an old way of life going in the hope that things will one day return to normal… Content Advisory: Death of a rabbit from blunt-force trauma. Violence (mention of a CEO bludgeoning someone with a cow […]2019-08-0932 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking to Strangers We don't care about SEO…we only care about talking about what we want to talk about… [Shawn is like, "Damn, Chris…we're trending in South Korea and Malaysia…be cool, manl! Be cool!"] (If he only saw the paragraph I deleted...) He is right, though: Chill, Chris…chill… And for those of you who listen to the show to hear English, the "CH" in Christopher is NOT the CH in Chill. (Also, thank you for listening. We'd rather people in South Korea...2019-08-081h 33
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Making Things So busy making things this week that we don't have time to tell you all the things we are making. So...here's what we talk about this week! (Now Gorilla Christopher is going to go make lunch for tomorrow...) What is the first thing you remember seeing being made? What was the first thing you remember making? Why make things when you can just buy stuff? What are some kinds of making skills you’d like to learn? Why? What is something you recently made that you thought wa...2019-07-251h 17Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Taller than the Moon“Taller than the Moon” is the first serious short story I ever wrote. It is roughly thirty years old. Some thoughts about those early writing days — and literary fiction in general. Episode Transcript >>2019-07-1306 minNot About LumberjacksTaller Than The MoonA trip home to visit his parents brings with it a flood of memories for Michael Stokowski. [Random side notes: I believe this is the first true short story I ever wrote. Also, it is the only story I can think of inspired by one of my dreams…] Content Advisory: A family deals with the […]2019-06-1511 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Watching Superhero Movies Look at that episode art! LOOK AT IT!!! It's...super, right?! Shawn may not have the beard anymore, but his beard lives on in all our hearts. And Christopher...he's kinda super (for a crusty 50-year old!) Hell, this episode was RECORDED on the day Gorilla Christopher turned 50. So to keep the fleeting moment alive before entropy envelops him, you should listen to this episode! * * * We kick it off with the first -- and last...2019-05-301h 14
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Playing with Toys Gorilla Christopher starts a new job this week, so let's get straight to what we talk about this week: * * * What was the first toy you remember? What was the first toy you ever REALLY wanted? What was your favorite toy from childhood? What was the worst toy you ever owned? How important are toys to childhood development? What is the last toy you purchased? What do you think about adults rushing to collect toys before kids can get them? (Like Star Wars figures, Avengers figures…things like that!) To...2019-05-021h 18
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Working from Home Working from home used to be the domain of fancy-pants novelists and snooty painters. Now, it's likely your schlub of a neighbor has worked from home. We say this with confidence, being those very schlubs. Like anything, there are good and bad things about working from home. (Although Gorilla Christopher will argue it's all good.) Working from home is the topic of this week's Men in Gorilla Suits...recorded in our homes on a Sunday night... * * * We kick it off talking about how...2019-04-181h 15
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Talking about Parody and Satire Gorilla Christopher initially thought about opening Photoshop and adding your favorite podcasters' faces to images of celebrities known for parody and satire. But swapping faces with Weird Al looked like Christopher because he's apparently hair twins with the world's favorite accordion player. So that idea was scrapped. And yes, obviously -- this week's topic: Parody and Satire. * * * We begin by talking about the first parody or satire we remember -- and then leap to the best work of satire in literature and film...2019-02-211h 10
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Hoping Gorilla Christopher hoped to have this episode online yesterday, but he was tired and decided a busy week merited sleep, instead. Here's what the gorillamen are talking about this week: What is the first thing you remember hoping for? What is your latest hope? What does hope mean to you? How important is hope to human existence? Share a story of hope. (Could be yours, another person's, or even a universal hope of some sort). Is hope a strong motivator in your life? Is all hope inherently good...2019-02-071h 11
ScreamQueenz: Where Horror Gets GAY!NIGHT OF THE COMET (1986) *Repost* with ALENA ACKER & CHRISTOPHER GRONLUNDCelebrate the holidays with me, Alena Acker, Christopher Gronlund and the happiest darn end-of-the-world movie you're ever likely to see, NIGHT OF THE COMET, and find out how this movie helped a scared young gay teenager find his inner Reg/Sam.
NOW WITHOUT GLARING MIXING ERRORS! WOW!
Purchase items off Backpacks for the Streets Amazon list and help NYC's homeless at https://backpacksforthestreet.org/amazon/
Plus, free TALES OF POE watch parties all weekend, and a MY DAD WROTE A PORNO Christmas episode listening cocktail party?! Details inside this post!
Main segment begins at 9:00.Mentioned in this episode:2019-01-311h 53Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Christmas CutsMost stories you’ve listened to, here, are polished first drafts. Especially where short stories are concerned, I do not subscribe to the notion that the first draft of everything is shit. Some thoughts about that, and how it worked with the recent Christmas episode. * * * Episode Transcript >>2019-01-2107 min
Men in Gorilla SuitsLast Seen...Being Considerate A busy week, here, so let's just get straight to what we talk about this week...when we talk about consideration: When did you first realize that consideration is a thing? Was being considerate a thing stressed in your family. That is, were you taught to be considerate? Have you ever worked in a job where consideration was highly important? What about jobs where consideration wasn't important? (And if so, how did the job differ from those more geared toward serving others?) Who is the most considerate person you know? Who is...2019-01-101h 15Not About LumberjacksChristmas Cuts – Three StoriesLast year’s holiday-ish 7-Stories episode, featuring a handful of micro-fiction, was well received. So this year, it’s another handful of stories: “The Crock,” narrated by Cynthia Griffith. A woman’s battles with her mother-in-law take an unexpected turn. “Greetings,” narrated by Patrick K. Walsh. An out-of-work special effects makeup artist gets a job as a big-box […]2018-12-2328 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Waking the LumberjackWaking the Lumberjack is the first one-shot audiodrama I’ve done with multiple voice actors for Not About Lumberjacks. Anchoring the story is Tim Czarnecki, starring as the Narrator. I sat down with Tim and chatted about what it was like narrating this story… * * * Episode Transcript >>2018-12-1721 minNot About LumberjacksWaking the LumberjackIn honor of another year of Not About Lumberjacks, it’s a wrasslin’ story I swear has nothing to do with lumberjacks! The funeral service of “Big Papa” Howe, the Ontario Lumberjack, does not go as planned. It’s up to his two sons, Big Mike and Little Mike, to put an old rivalry to rest. Content […]2018-11-2324 minNot About LumberjacksA Random UpdateHowdy, howdy, howdy. Christopher here with a random update. This is mostly being recorded and released in support of this episode of the ScreamQueenz Podcast. ScreamQueenz is a fun look at cheesy horror films, but in October it gets a bit more serious. Not the show, because the show is always light-hearted fun! But in […]2018-10-1305 minScreamQueenz: Where Horror Gets GAY!228: DAVE MADE A MAZE (2017) with CHRISTOPHER GRONLUND “Not About Lumberjacks” & MICHAEL HOWIE “Defender Radio” [Pod-a-Thon: Day 2]For this leg of our voyage through the unknown, we are talking about a movie, while even though it cannot remotely be classified as horror, it manages encapulates the spirit that drives Halloween: the spirit of unbridled imagination and creativity that begets a world where anything can happen.Where's that beard at?
I'm joined by very special guests CHRISTOPHER GRONLUND from the NOT ABOUT LUMBERJACKS podcast and MICHAEL HOWIE from DEFENDER RADIO.Mentioned in this episode:Bliss BookPick up the gnarly new survivor horror novel BLISS by Brandon Halsey on Amazon! "It's like 28 DAYS L...2018-10-131h 34Not About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Dear God (Ep. 022)“Dear God” is not the first story I wrote featuring gods; in fact, it’s not the first story I’ve written for Not About Lumberjacks featuring gods. Gods are strange things to me. I’m a life-long atheist, but I love the storytelling opportunities gods of all kinds offer. Also, I might just talk about how the […]2018-08-1204 minNot About LumberjacksDear GodA panhandler is given a magical postage stamp. Content Advisory: Swearing. Scam artists. Mention of parental death. Homelessness. Misogyny. * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund Episode Transcript >>2018-07-2515 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – A Race to the End (Ep. 021)If one desires, they can have a story end in so many different ways. Some stories just have a feel from the start for a certain kind of ending, but others are shaped by a writer’s environment — sometimes even being affected by other stories written around the time a particular story is done. That’s […]2018-04-2904 minNot About LumberjacksThe Race to the EndThe 100-year-old son of the oldest man to ever live plots to kill a 123-year-old man about to break his father’s record. Content Advisory: Swearing and cartoonish violence. Stress of aging and mortality. A son trying to live up to his father’s expectations. Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund2018-04-1420 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 20: 7 StoriesThe last episode was a bit of a departure, with seven bits of micro-fiction. The most fascinating thing was hearing which stories people loved most (“Vlad Stovepipe” won). So…for this episode of Behind the Cut, a bit about each of the stories…2018-02-0708 minNot About Lumberjacks7 StoriesA bit of a departure this holiday season: seven stories instead of one! (Think of it as micro-fiction stocking stuffers.) “Not About Lumberjacks” – As it says in the name, this story is not about lumberjacks! “Be a Man” – Sometimes kids grow up faster than they should. “Fucking Asshole” – It’s a story about […]2017-12-2421 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 19: The HidebehindSomething a little different this time… Because “The Hidebehind” was the first episode of Not About Lumberjacks with a male narrator other than me, I chat with Defender Radio’s Michael Howie about what it was like to work together on the story’s production. It’s a glorious tale of friendship, creativity…and majestic beards! (Also, you should […]2017-12-1143 minNot About LumberjacksThe HidebehindSomething lurks in the woods outside a lumber camp in this story I SWEAR is NOT about lumberjacks… Content Advisory: Swearing. Violence (involving fights and knives). Alcohol use. Mass poisoning. Horror (monster in the woods). Dementia brought on by environmental factors. Implied cannibalism. * * * Credits: Story: Christopher Gronlund Narration: Michael Howie, of the […]2017-11-1515 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 18: Memorial ParkThere really is a Memorial Park where after-school fights took place when I was in junior high school. And I was involved in one myself; in fact, some reality creeped into “Memorial Park.” If you’re interested in what’s real and not in the story, look no further than this…2017-11-1208 minNot About LumberjacksMemorial ParkAn after-school fight pits the meanest kid in Walt Whitman Junior High School against one of its shyest geeks. Content Advisory: Swearing. Bullying. Violence (bullying and an after-school fight). Humiliation. * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund2017-10-2725 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 17: Cubicle PunksI was never the punk that Bobby McGarvey or Stevie Saturn were in “Cubicle Punks,” but I do have something in common with them: I have always struggled with certain things that come with a “responsible” job. The pull between a day job that pays the bills and pursuing one’s dreams is a recurring theme […]2017-09-1003 minNot About LumberjacksCubicle PunksTwo aging punks come to grips with who they once were…and what they’ve become today. Content Advisory: Swearing. Drug and alcohol use. A small fight. Mention of violence (a large, back-alley fight). Midlife crisis. Dissatisfaction with work and life. * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Punk Rock Opera Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund2017-08-2038 minNot About LumberjacksA Temporary Change in ScheduleAs I close in on having a readable draft of the current novel-in-progress, I’m changing the schedule for Not about Lumberjacks until I am done with the book. Until I’m ready to return to a monthly schedule, stories will be released every-other month. I hope you understand…2017-03-0600 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 16: BoboAll but three little things are true in “Bobo.” Find out what those things are, why I quit clowning, and…how I measure success today.2017-02-1905 minNot About LumberjacksBoboA kid’s party clown comes to grips with what he’s become. Content Advisory: Swearing. Mention of alcohol use. Bullying. Mention of attending a strip club. Childhood trauma brought on by a clown. * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund The “Fuck You, Clown!” Drive-By Duo: Zane and […]2017-01-2213 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 15: El Concusso“El Concusso” is one of the few things I’ve written directly for somebody. Here’s the story behind the story…2017-01-0905 minNot About LumberjacksEl ConcussoA professional wrestler can’t remember who he is after hitting his head against the ringpost during a match in Mexico City. Content Advisory: Cartoonish violence (professional wrestling) and a car accident resulting in hospitalization. * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund2016-12-1811 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 14: The Art of the LumberjackA real book inspired “The Art of the Lumberjack.” That book? The Sport of Falconry. According to the inscription, the book was given to me by my father on January 11, 1975. This four-and-a-half minute episode is about how a book I’ve had for 41 years led to one of the best short stories I’ve […]2016-12-0404 minNot About LumberjacksThe Art of the LumberjackA year ago, I posted the first Not about Lumberjacks story. In honor of the show’s anniversary, I keep with tradition and refuse to even mention those foul-mouthed tree droppers! When Erik Nilsson has a minor heart attack and is told to take some forced time off of work to recuperate, he finally reads a […]2016-11-1930 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 13: Strange AudioThis time, I sit down and chat with Cynthia Griffith about recording an audio drama instead of a narrated work of prose. It’s the longest episode of Behind the Cut, but it gives a good peek at the process behind putting an audio drama together. And remember, in a few weeks it’s the next Not […]2016-11-0747 minNot About LumberjacksStrange AudioIn honor of Halloween: a podcaster discovers some ghostly audio while editing an episode of his show… Content Advisory: Swearing, crude humor, spouses arguing, an old ghost created by violent means (violence against a woman). * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story: Christopher Gronlund Narration: Christopher Gronlund and Cynthia Griffith (Wife […]2016-10-2316 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 12: PurvisIf you listened to “Purvis,” it’s probably clear that I spent a lot of time when I was younger playing Dungeons and Dragons and being picked on. If you’ve not listened to “Purvis,” I suggest you listen to the story first because there are some big spoilers in this behind-the-scenes look at the story. But […]2016-10-0808 minNot About LumberjacksPurvisIn 1984, a Dungeon Master struggles with keeping the few friendships he has together, all while dealing with a vicious bully. When Dungeons and Dragons is your only reprieve from the cruelties of life, the game becomes much more than recreation: it becomes a place of salvation. Content Advisory: This story is rough. It contains […]2016-09-2236 minNot About LumberjacksBehind the Cut – Episode 11: Shadow DancersAs far as I can remember, “Shadow Dancers” was the first story I wrote around the time I was 20 and decided to make writing a serious pursuit. I talk about those early days of writing and how this is one of the few stories my father read before he died. He wasn’t keen on […]2016-09-1106 minNot About LumberjacksShadow DancersFind out what happens when four boys figure out how to separate their shadows from their bodies… [All Ages] Content Advisory: I suppose some people might not be down with kids doing magic… * * * Credits: Music: Ergo Phizmiz and Chad Crouch Story and Narration: Christopher Gronlund2016-08-2811 min
The Pathways to Success with Julian Placino23: Christopher Gronlund - The Juggling Writer - How to tell stories that build your brandChristopher is a writer, podcaster, speaker and juggler extraordinaire! He shares a short story a month at nolumberjacks.com and is 1/2 of the Men in Gorilla Suits podcast -- a weekly pop culture podcast that sometimes borders on philosophical. A technical writer by trade, he also blogs at TheJugglingWriter.com and ChristopherGronlund.com On this episode we discuss: The Christopher Gronlund origin story! How he overcame crippling shyness through juggling The benefits of podcasting for building your business and personal brand How to get started podcasting on a tight budget The importance of story tell...2016-08-011h 22