Shows
Two Open DoorsEpisode 3-32: Aligning Relationship GoalsIn choosing who we wish to establish a deeply-connected relationship with, one of the things we should consider is what we want from the prospective relationship--- that is, our relationship goals. That important consideration is often ignored or downplayed in many new relationships, due in part to the temporary “blindness” that can come from New Relationship Energy (NRE).In this episode, we’ll consider some of the possible goals that we may set for a relationship. We’ll also explore the importance of having good goal-alignment between the two partners in a relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a...
2023-08-0610 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-31: A Love TriangleLove lies at the heart of all intimate connections--- whether those connections are physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, or any combination of those. Despite that essential nature, though, it’s hard to define what love really is.Psychologist Robert Sternberg offers a “triangular” theory of love, which I think goes far toward capturing the elemental ingredients of love. We’ll explore that fruitful theory, in this episode.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human S...
2023-07-3010 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-30: Benefits and Costs of CommitmentIn our previous episode, we revisited the nature and role of commitment in deeply-connected relationships, and we then focused on the benefits and costs of uncommitted relationships. In this episode, we’ll drop the other shoe, and look at the benefits and costs of committed relationships. Taken together, this and the previous episode will give us what we need in order to make more-informed choices in each of our significant relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Inst...
2023-07-2311 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-29: Should I Commit?Suppose you’ve had the good fortune of meeting someone you’re strongly drawn to, and with whom you’d like to establish a connection. You’ve spent some time together, enough to start to get to know one another fairly well--- and the magic of initial attraction seems to still be there. Where do you go from here?Relationships evolve, as we’ve noted in prior episodes. Even if one doesn’t follow the sequence of relationship phases defined in the socially-prescribed “relationship escalator”, satisfying and meaningful relationships do tend to deepen. In this episode, we’ll re-examine the noti...
2023-07-1610 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-28: Assessing CompatibilityIn several prior episodes, such as in Episode 2-18 titled “The Mystery of Compatibility”, we’ve delved into the multitude of factors that play into whether two individuals are a good “fit” for one another, in a given kind of relationship. We’ve noted that personality, personal history, and the circumstances in which people meet are all factors that affect degree of compatibility.In this episode, we’ll give further consideration to what one can do, in assessing the likelihood of a mutually-satisfying deep connection with a new relationship prospect. Obviously, that sort of assessment is at least as much ar...
2023-07-0909 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-27: PartnersWe can distinguish different levels of connection between people. We all interact with acquaintances in our daily life; these are basically people with whom we have no substantial or ongoing connection. We also are fortunate to have friends, or people with whom we share companionship, discussion and camaraderie, and life-adventures.In this episode, we’ll consider a third category of people: partners. We’ll consider what distinguishes partners from acquaintances and friends. We’ll also explore how different people choose the partners with whom they wish to share their lives in a deep way.Dr. Claude Cruz...
2023-07-0209 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-26: Solo PolyamoryAs we’ve noted in prior episodes, polyamory includes a multitude of specific forms of relationship. This stands in contrast with monogamy (at least as usually practiced in western cultures), which generally comes with one associated set of social norms and expectations regarding partner behavior.In this episode, we’ll examine a particular style of polyamory called “solo” polyamory, and we’ll put that in the context of polyamory in general.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute f...
2023-06-2510 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-25: Respect, Boundaries, Rules and AgreementsAs we’ve noted in many earlier episodes, safety and respect are the bedrock for healthy relationships. If a relationship lacks those qualities, one or both participants will almost certainly experience fear, which in turn will drive them to take a closed and defensive stance.In this episode, we’ll consider how partners can negotiate rules and agreements regarding their conduct, so as to maintain feelings of safety and respect in their relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from...
2023-06-1809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-24: Sҽx in ContextIn our society, sҽx is often thought of as a physical activity--- a particular set of actions through which people can connect with one another. From a broader perspective, though, sҽx is a multi-faceted thing that can create connections at the mental, emotional and spiritual levels, as well as at the physical level.In this episode, we’ll consider these various facets of sҽxual connection, and we’ll also consider what we can do to help us develop our ability to experience sҽx in its fullest expression.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relatio...
2023-06-1109 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-23: People Who Need PeopleAs the Barbara Streisand song “People Who Need People” suggests, those of us who “need people” in our lives are the “luckiest people in the world”. We humans are built for community. We thrive in the presence of others, and can wither if we’re isolated.In this episode, we’ll explore four broad areas in which we benefit from the company of others: they provide companionship; they help validate us; they contribute to our growth; and they let us engage in rich social interactions, by providing us with feedback.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and in...
2023-06-0409 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-22: Love is Special“Love” is a deceptively anodyne and ambiguous term that can mean different things to different people. Most people value being loved; love makes the world go ‘round. Why is love so highly-prized? We’ll consider that, in this episode.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He develops and delivers w...
2023-05-2809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-21: Sҽx and AgingAs the saying goes, “time wounds all heels”. Getting older is one of those inevitable realities in life; it comes with a welter of challenges and issues--- as well as with benefits. In this episode, we’ll consider what those include, and how advancing age affects the intimate connections in our lives. As we’ll see, the picture isn’t nearly as bleak as how some people see aging.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexu...
2023-05-2109 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-20: Traits to Nurture Relationships- Part 2In our previous episode on Traits to Nurture Relationship, we explored some of the personal traits that can promote or hinder the maintenance of healthy deeply-connected relationships. We considered how those traits can affect attitudes toward and beliefs about their partner, and how those attitudes and beliefs can play out in how a person treats their partner. In that episode, we delved deeper into relationship-relevant personal traits. In this episode, we’ll go deeper into some personal attitudes and beliefs that affect one’s relationships, and we’ll also consider how one’s treatment of a partner can play int...
2023-05-1409 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-19: Traits to Nurture RelationshipsHuman relationships play out through the interactions between two people. Unsurprisingly, many factors enter into those interactions. Those factors include traits or attributes of the partners who are interacting. Other factors consist of how the partners treat each other.In this episode, we’ll consider a range of factors that can either strengthen and nurture relationships, or undermine and weaken them. Here, we’ll describe three categories of relationship traits that can deeply affect relationships, and we’ll see how those categories are related to one another. In the following episodes, we’ll delve into each of those three c...
2023-05-0710 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-18: Sҽx-Positivity and Social JusticeAs the potent force that it is in people’s lives, sҽx is hedged with social norms, strictures and expectations. Since sҽx is such a central individual and social concern, one might expect sҽxual expression to be a fundamental individual right.In actuality, sҽxual prerogatives differ across various social classes. Not everyone has uniform access to sҽxual opportunities. In this episode, we’ll explore some of the connections that exist between sҽx-positivity and social justice.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He hold...
2023-04-3009 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-17: Power ExchangeA sҽxual exchange isn’t just about pleasure; it also entails a power interaction between the two partners. We touched on many aspects of this in last week’s episode, in which we featured an interview with an expert in the alternative sҽxual practices that constitute BDSM. However, power dynamics are also at play in more mainstream sҽxual exchanges.In this episode, we’ll consider some of the ways in which power dynamics manifest themselves in sҽxual exchanges. We’ll also look at the psychological aspects of such exchanges.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relat...
2023-04-2309 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-16: BDSM PanoramaMany Two Open Doors listeners are aware of the sexual practices that go under the label of BDSM. In today's episode, we'll hear about this topic from a seasoned long-term practitioner and expert. During this hour-long interview between Dr. Claude and sex and intimacy coach Ezra Pryor, we'll explore many different facets of this intriguing subject. We'll close with some recommended resources for those who may want to explore further.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Stu...
2023-04-1657 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-15: Losing a Deep ConnectionI recently came across a blog post by one of my favorite authors, Dr. T J Jordan, in the Medium online magazine. In that article, she addressed a condition that most or all of us have encountered, at one time or another: the loss of an intimate relationship that has been central in our lives. Such occurrences may (hopefully) not be frequent, but they can have an outsized impact on our emotional state.In this episode, I’ll share some of my own perspectives and observations regarding this important topic. My hope is that with better understanding, my rea...
2023-04-1009 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-14: Sҽxual PreferencesAs we’ve noted in many prior episodes, human sҽxuality is complicated. It engages all aspects of our humanity: our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual essence. Every individual “blends” these dimensions in a different and unique way.In this episode, we’ll explore one of the many areas in which people differ: our sҽxual and sensual preferences. This will give us a better understanding of why sҽx is such fertile ground for play, and for learning about ourselves and our partners.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR...
2023-04-0209 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-13: Panning for GoldI personally see it as unfortunate that sex-positivity is relatively rare in our society. As an example, while meaningful statistics are hard to come by, it’s estimated that perhaps 4%-5% of American adults practice some form of polyamory. Adhering to the “relationship escalator” is much more main-stream.What this implies is that finding kindred spirits to relate to can be rather challenging. In this episode, we’ll dig further into this challenge, and into some possible ways to address it.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He ho...
2023-03-2609 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-12: Emotions and EQIn our previous episode, we took a look at what “emotions” are, at bottom, and how they relate to “feelings” or “affect”. Our reason for considering those topics was that they play a central role in how relationships work.In this episode, we’ll take an additional step and consider the role of emotions in “emotional intelligence”, or “EQ”. As we’ll see, emotional intelligence serves as the foundation of healthy and thriving relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institu...
2023-03-1909 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-11: Emotions and FeelingsEmotions are a big component of human relationships. They reflect our responses to another person--- what we see in that person, how similar or dissimilar they seem to be relative to us, and how they affect our internal state. Emotions are related to the concept of feelings, which also play a big role in relationships. While the term “feelings” is often used synonymously with “emotions” in popular speech, they’re different, and those differences are important to our understanding of relationships. (Note that there’s considerable divergence in how these terms are defined, even within the professional...
2023-03-1210 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-10: Balancing Self and OthersA relationship takes place between two people--- each of which seeks to meet both their own interests and desires, and those of their partner. That means that any relationship entails an ongoing balancing-act between these two different, and sometimes competing, interests. In effect, there are three distinct entities present in any relationship: the two partners (as individuals), and the shared entity of their relationship, which they co-create.In this episode, we’ll consider how self and other can be balanced in a way that is beneficial and nurturing to both partners. Dr. Claude Cruz is a rela...
2023-03-0509 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-9: Commitment in Maturing RelationshipsRelationships don’t develop in an inflexible and linear manner, as is posited in the popular “relationship escalator” model for relationships. Still, there is some regularity to relationship evolution. At some point, for some (but not all) intimate relationships, the tone of the relationship may shift from giddy delight in each other’s presence, to a growing desire to spend more time together and become a regular part of each other’s lives. A desire to bond with one another can develop, driven mainly by the influence of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin.The bonding phase of a relationshi...
2023-02-2610 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-8: Meaning and RelationshipI think most of us would conclude that our relationships can be a great source of meaning in our lives. We’d also likely agree that well-functioning relationships can make us happy. Are “meaning” and “happiness” synonymous? If not, how do they differ? In this episode, we’ll consider how meaning and happiness are related, and how each of those concepts plays into relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Profe...
2023-02-1910 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-7: The Relationship GameOver the last few episodes, I’ve shared a view of how relationships evolve through a set of relationship states, passing through what we’ve termed a relationship “life-cycle”. We’ve noted that each of our relationships has one or more relationship goals at each point of its life-cycle--- goals such as friendship, or romantic connection, or emotional connection. We’ve seen that relationships play out through the course of interactions between partners.In this episode, I’d like to describe the Two Open Doors Relationship Game, which I’ve developed based on all of the preceding observations about...
2023-02-1210 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-6: How Relationships ChangeIn our previous episode, we took a “birds-eye” look at the nature of relationships: their embodiment in the ongoing interactions between pairs of people; the various goals, or purposes, that a relationship may fill; and the reality that relationships evolve through a particular set of relationship states, rather than being static and unchanging.In this episode, we’ll take the next step and examine how a relationship flows from one state to another. That will give us insights into how we can achieve and sustain desirable and satisfying states, while minimizing the risk of falling into undesirable and pain...
2023-02-0509 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-5: What is Relationship?What is a “relationship” between humans? We all know, right? Well--- yes, but it’s still worth thinking about in a bit of detail. Relationships are, after all, a rich source of meaning in our lives. That makes them worth understanding, so that we can take proper care of them.In this episode, we'll take a look at the nature or human relationship, by exploring what I think of as the "relationship life-cycle": a set of stages or states that a relationship can progress through during its lifespan, along with the various transitions that can occur between those state...
2023-01-2909 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-4: The Relationship "Life-Cycle"In past episodes, we’ve looked at many different aspects of relationship. We’ve noted that relationships differ in terms of what the partners seek from the relationship (and from each other); in how good an initial “fit” there is between them (that is, in their degree of compatibility); in terms of what each partner brings to the relationship, including both gifts and deficits or vulnerabilities; and in terms of how each partner experiences their relationship interactions, at the physical, cognitive, emotional and spiritual levels.In this episode, we’ll look past all of this variation, to discern tha...
2023-01-2210 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-3: Age and RelationshipAs the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds” (or, as I sometimes say, “Time wounds all heels”). The passing years change us, making us the individuals that we are today. That change plays out in all aspects of our lives--- including our relationships.In this episode, we’ll take a look at what sorts of changes we can expect in our relationships. We’ll also consider how to accommodate those changes with grace, so that change serves a useful and constructive purpose in our lives.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland...
2023-01-1508 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-2: Differing GiftsRelationship offers people many things. We humans require a “diet” that includes not only our physical needs, such as food, water and shelter, but also a number of psychological needs that are no less important. Companionship, feelings of social validation and acceptance, feelings of perceives worth and trust in others, and sensual or sexual connection are among these additional necessary “nutrients”.Finding all of these elements in any one companion is a tall order, indeed. In fact, even if that were possible (which seems unlikely), asking any one person to provide all of this sustenance for us would lay a...
2023-01-0808 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 3-1: Being "Normal"The most common question that a sꬴxologist or sꬴx therapist encounters is “Am I normal?”. It seems that most people are deeply concerned about how their sꬴxual preferences, desires and actions compare with those of others. That isn’t too surprising, given the social nature of our species.At the same time that we may seek to fit in with those around us, we also crave the freedom to follow our heart, wherever it may lead us. In this episode, we’ll explore the balance between those opposing desires, and we’ll consider the upside and downside...
2023-01-0109 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-52: Relationship EvolutionRelationships are a living, breathing thing. They usually grow from tentative initial flickerings of interest, through a phase of growth or contraction, and--- for those that take root--- into a potentially long period of relative stability. Eventually, there may be a time of decline--- or, sometimes, an explosive ending.Successful and satisfying relationships require a balance between allowing the form of a relationship to reveal itself, and avoiding a possible temptation to take the relationship in directions that don’t suit it. In this episode, we’ll explore how one can strive to strike this artful balance.Dr...
2022-12-2509 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-51: Personal Choices and Social ExpectationsAs adults, we make decisions that shape our lives. We have the opportunity to choose actions and a life-path that suits our goals and our needs. We’re each ultimately responsible for our own happiness, and for living a life that’s meaningful to us. Our partners in life can support us, but they can’t choose our path.In this episode, we’ll consider the reality that we make personal decisions within the context of expectations and norms that society lays down for us. That sometimes creates a tension between what we might really want, and what’s socia...
2022-12-1809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-50: "Style" in PolyamoryPolyamory is far from a uniform and unvarying way of relating to others; instead, as seems true for most things involving humans, polyamory exhibits a wide range of variation. In this post, we’ll explore some of the many ways in which a given person can choose to show their love for more than one partner. Note that while our reflections here are focused on polyamory, a similar situation holds for monogamous relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Inst...
2022-12-1109 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-49 Choosing and Being ChosenAs we’ve noted in prior episodes, at-a-distance attraction can bring people together, and the subsequent “chemistry” of interaction between them may then cement a relationship (or shut it down). In this episode, we’ll take a look at what follows this initial phase: that is, the possibility of choosing to initiate and nurture a new relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex...
2022-12-0408 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-48: Valuing Deep ConnectionThis episode takes us in a new direction: an exploration of how to make the Two Open Doors community and its various expressions (podcast, Facebook group, Meet-Up group and website) more useful and relevant to those who seek deep connections in their lives. The thinking behind today’s episode may (hopefully) provide good insights into needed mid-course corrections.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach cert...
2022-11-2709 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-47: TouchHuman touch is a marvelous and complicated thing. In addition to providing us with information about the world around us, touch is a powerful and versatile form of communication--- so much so, that it has been accorded the term “haptic communication”. In this post, we’ll explore the major facets of touch, and how it works. In an effort to stimulate conversation about this important topic, we’ll close with some thought-provoking questions about touch.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the In...
2022-11-2009 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-46: Purity CultureThis post focuses on a topic that is challenging for many (including myself): the notion of “purity culture”. While purity culture is certainly not a uniquely American phenomenon, it is all too common in conservative religious circles in our country--- and it can do untold damage. Purity culture is a cross-cultural, cross-religion phenomenon; it’s especially prevalent in many evangelical Christian religions. We’ll take a look at the specifics.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced...
2022-11-1309 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-45: Different ThirstsWe human beings need a variety of different things to sustain us. Beyond our purely physical needs, such as breathing, eating and sleeping, we also need psychic sustenance. That, too, comes in different forms.In this post, we’ll contemplate what we need to receive in order to stay healthy in mind, emotions and spirit. Just as more oxygen to breathe won’t help us if we’re dehydrated, we’ll see that our emotional, mental and spiritual health is maintained by different things--- and that we need a balance of those things to sustain us.Dr. Claud...
2022-11-0608 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-44: Sharing Information in RelationshipsAs we’ve discussed in prior posts, good communication between partners is one of the basic requirements for maintaining a healthy relationship. That communication needs to occur regularly, it needs to be honest but kind, and it needs to clearly convey whatever is deemed important by the two partners.One of the questions that arise in a partnership is what sort of information needs to be shared: what kinds of information, and how much. That’s the focus of this post.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. H...
2022-10-3008 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-43: Relationship and CommunityRelationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They come into being and they evolve within the context of a society. The communities that we participate in can greatly influence the health of our close relationships. In this post, we’ll consider why community is important to relationship. Conversely, we’ll also examine the role that people with healthy relationships play in maintaining supportive communities.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as...
2022-10-2308 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-42: The Many Faces of IntimacyA friend recently shared a graphic by Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, depicting intimacy as a multi-faceted thing that two people can share. This diagram was an excellent reminder of the richness that we humans can experience in deep connections. In this week’s episode, we’ll consider the nature of intimacy.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passio...
2022-10-1610 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-41: A Vision of What's PossibleIn this week’s episode, I was inspired to indulge in a little speculation and dreaming about what I believe is possible for deep human relationships. Rather than focus on any of the many aspects of how to practice relationships, I’ll reflect on the vision that inspired me to plant the seeds for a Two Open Doors community.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach...
2022-10-0908 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-40: Playful IntimacyWhen we think about intimacy, we’re likely to focus on the many functions that emotional closeness plays in our lives: its role as a path to greater self-knowledge and knowledge of our partners; its function as a verbal and emotional communication channel; its sensitivity to, and reinforcement of, the deep trust and respect that are the foundation of any relationship; and other core life-functions. All of this is weighty stuff. This serious side of intimacy gives us needed orientation in how we interact with the dear people in our lives. There’s another side of intimacy that is n...
2022-10-0209 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-39: Relationship Energy What is “relationship energy”, and how does it play into our relationships? As we’ve discussed in prior posts, relationships are a living, breathing thing; the tone of our relationships changes over time, as partners get to know one another better, and share more time and experience together. Relationship energy is a term that can be used to describe the tone, feel and focus of a relationship, as it evolves. In this post, we’ll explore the process of relationship evolution. We’ll take a look at two particular types, or “flavors” of relationship energy. As we’ll see, each o...
2022-09-2509 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-38: WantingAs we all know, relationships can sometimes provoke some very strong and not necessarily positive reactions in us. How we manage those reactions can determine the course and even the ultimate destiny of those relationships. Taking to heart the dictum that “forewarned is forearmed”, in this post we’ll explore the nature of these reactions, and how we can constructively manage them.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Profes...
2022-09-1809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-37: AttunementIn the course of my relationship and intimacy coaching practice, I have occasionally been asked to describe what I see as the key attributes in a healthy and satisfying relationship. While there are of course many important attributes, there’s one that rises to the top of my list: attunement. In this post, we’ll explore what attunement is, and why it’s so important in deeply-connected relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Adva...
2022-09-1109 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-36: Looking BackThis issue marks the 52nd post in the Two Open Doors podcast. It has been a full year since the start of this adventure! As a reflective individual, I see this as a good time for a brief retrospective: an occasion to look back over the course we’ve run, to highlight some key learnings, and to see where the future might take us. After all, relationships and intimacy are huge topics to explore--- so it’s good to have a map and compass. Let's review where we've been!Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intim...
2022-09-0409 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-35: Sẻx-Positivity In our previous post, we examined the ways in which sẻx serves as a powerful language in the communication between intimate partners. We considered the essential role of touch in intimate interactions, and we also explored how a spiritual element can play a role in taking intimate interactions to a sublime level that isn’t otherwise available to us. In this post, we’ll step back to focus on the importance of sẻx-positivity in enabling us to enjoy fulfilling intimate experiences. We’ll consider what that term means (and what it doesn’t mean), and we’ll also critic...
2022-08-2809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-34: Sẻx as LanguageIt has been a while since Two Open Doors last visited a very important topic: human sẻxuality. In this post, we’ll consider one of the many functions of sẻx: its role as a vehicle for communication. We’ll examine why sẻxuality and its cousin, sensuality, can be especially powerful in telling a partner what we’re feeling, what we desire, and how we see that partner.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Stu...
2022-08-2110 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-33: Re-UppingCommitments can come with a down-side: they can be difficult and often painful to change. That’s certainly true of some socially-recognized and sanctioned commitments, such as a marriage or a mortgage. In our society, those are treated as contracts, or mutually-agreed promises, that can’t be violated without a price being paid.In this episode, we’ll consider an alternative form of commitment: a renewable relationship, which can offer the affirmation of a contractual relationship, while maintaining a focus on the importance of unforced individual choice.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intima...
2022-08-1411 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-32: Bringing Out the Best In UsWhat are intimate relationships good for, anyway? There seems to be a lot of potential down-side in opening ourselves up to connect deeply with another person. Vulnerability is risky. What’s on the positive side of the ledger? In this episode, we'll consider the many ways in which being in intimate relationships can help us find and express the things that we might consider the "best" in us, both as unique individuals, and as members of society.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in...
2022-08-0709 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-31: What's Your Core?In recent episodes, we’ve considered the need for compromise and mutual concessions in any relationship. We’ve also explored my proposal that relationships can be sorted into two general categories, based on the associated level of emotional commitment: “core” relationships; and “non-core” relationships, which we might describe by terms such as “peripheral”, or “secondary”, or “lovers” (as distinct from “partners”). While avoiding the potential morass of imposing a hierarchy on relationships, we noted that this distinction has implications for how we manage our relationships. In this episode, we’ll tackle the difficult question of what gauges we can apply to a particular relati...
2022-07-3111 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-30: Knowing What You WantAs we’ve repeatedly observed, relationship is a two-way street. As such, a relationship can’t work if the two partners are not agreed as to their goals for the relationship. If anything, significant differences in relationship goals will lead to ongoing friction at best, or to relationship dissolution at worst.In this post, we’ll take a look at what sorts of goals one might have for a particular relationship. In the context of polyamorous relationships, we’ll further develop the previously-presented notion of “broad” polyamory and “narrow” polyamory. We’ll gain insight from a novel graphical tool that we...
2022-07-2512 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-29: Relationship as a GiftSatisfying deeply-connected relationships can be one of the most precious “possessions” that we humans can receive. In truth, of course, one cannot “possess” a relationship; rather, in accepting our role in a relationship, we receive the honor of being included as a significant part of someone else’s life. Relationship doesn’t entail “owning” anything, most certainly not a right to having control over another person. Relationships are perhaps better seen as a gift that we receive, rather than as something that we possess. In this post, we’ll consider this perspective, looking at how two people interact to create a sa...
2022-07-1709 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-28: Lovers and PartnersIn creating intimate relationships with others, we build psychological, emotional and physical connections. Through our intimate connections, we enter into and participate in the lives of those we’re connected to. In this episode, we’ll consider two kinds of intimate relationships: lovers, and partners. We’ll take a look at how these are related, and at the choices we face in creating and managing these sorts of relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human S...
2022-07-1011 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-27: Seeking JoyWe humans are neurobiologically “wired” to avoid pain and seek pleasure. In this episode, we’ll consider our experience of joy, and of some of the varied paths that we take in its pursuit. The things that bring us joy provide much of the meaning in our life. That makes it important for us to cultivate joy, and to integrate sources of joy into our life.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), a...
2022-07-0309 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-26: How Much is Enough? | In a recent episode, we considered the need for compromise and negotiation, in any deeply-connected relationship. We recognized that an intimate relationship needs to serve the needs and desires of both partners--- and that since we humans are all individuals, we won’t always want the same things. In this episode, we’ll explore what one should ask for in an intimate relationship: what sorts of requests to make of one’s partner, and what sorts of boundaries to honor (for oneself and for one’s partner). In essence, we’ll examine “how much is enough” t...
2022-06-2809 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-25: Navigating Multi-Partner RelationshipsRelationships are often complicated. They entail meeting the needs and goals of people beyond ourselves--- people whose interests may sometimes take them in directions other than what we might prefer. The situation is complex enough in the case of a committed couple--- but it can become downright daunting in the case of managing multiple deeply-connected relationships.In this post, we’ll explore some of the attitudes and behaviors that are necessary if one is to be able to nurture multiple simultaneous intimate relationships. Of course, this is a huge topic (since it involves considering the broad terrain of po...
2022-06-1912 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-24: Coping with IncompatibilityIn our prior posts, we’ve described the many complex and often subtle factors that play into determining the compatibility--- or incompatibility--- of a relationship. Relationships are important to people, so we all pursue them, to differing extents. That combination of relationship complexity with our human drive to relate is a virtual guarantee that some of our relationships will blossom and thrive, while others will fail to take root and grow. In this post, we’ll consider what happens in the case of relationships that fail to thrive; that is, in relationships that, for one or more reasons...
2022-06-1310 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-23: Focus in RelationshipsWe humans are finite creatures. We have limited time, energy, and capacity for relationship. This can become very apparent in our efforts to create and maintain deep relationships; there are only so many hours in a day, and we can sometimes find ourselves over-extended in trying to serve the sometimes-clashing needs and desires of our partner(s), as well as ourselves. The resulting stresses and pressures are especially evident in polyamorous relationships, in which interactions with multiple partners need to be equitably balanced and managed. In this episode, we explore the interactions between two key elements in intim...
2022-06-0511 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-22: Transcendence in RelationshipRelationships offer us many tangible and concrete benefits: the joy of companionship, physical and material help in dealing with life’s many activities, emotional responses and personal validation, and a combination of resources that enhance our personal security and enjoyment of life. In addition, though, being in an intimate relationship can transport us outside of ourselves, providing personal experiences that we simply cannot achieve by ourselves. In this episode, we explore the transcendence that can be achieved through deep connection with a trusted and caring partner.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the P...
2022-06-0108 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-21: From Surviving to ThrivingIn our last episode, we took a look at what it means for an intimate relationship to “fail”. We took note of the hazards of overly-harsh self-judgment, as well as recognizing the many pitfalls of letting others make judgments about our relationships. In this episode, we’ll consider the positive side of the relationship “ledger”: the many joys and benefits of choosing and nurturing relationships that move us from merely surviving, to thriving.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute fo...
2022-05-2210 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-20: Relationship "Failure"We sometimes hear others say that their intimate relationship is “failing”, or has “failed”. We may feel that about some of our own relationships. Sometimes that statement comes as an angry and frustrated accusation, and sometimes it comes as a sad and dejected lament--- but in all cases, it’s a statement that’s laden with emotion. Our core relationships are centrally-important to us as humans, so it’s to be expected that turmoil in that area of our lives will move us deeply. There are many issues that lurk beneath our perception of a failed relationship. In this episode, we’...
2022-05-1610 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-19: CompromiseOne of the more challenging aspects of deeply-connected relationships is the need for compromise. In an intimate relationship, there are three separate entities interacting with one another: each of the two individual partners, and the relationship that comprises the couple. Each of these has needs, dreams and desires that need to be balanced and traded-off against one another. If any of these is neglected or underserved, all three entities suffer. That makes it worth considering how to avoid such circumstances from occurring.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR ar...
2022-05-0909 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-18: The Mystery of CompatibilityI often marvel at the seeming miracle that a healthy and satisfying long-term relationship represents. Life is full of twists and turns, challenges and upsets that can threaten the integrity of a deep connection between partners. For a relationship to show a high degree of adaptability, both partners must surely have “the right stuff” to contribute to the relationship. In this episode, we’ll consider the role of compatibility in planting the seeds for an enduring relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Hum...
2022-05-0111 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-17: Femininity and MasculinityIn selecting a topic for today’s blog, I was inspired to reflect on femininity and masculinity--- and how those relate to the complex phenomenon of gender. In colloquial speech, the terms “sex” and “gender” are often used interchangeably. It’s more accurate and more beneficial to distinguish these from one another, though, since they really refer to different things. We'll examine both of those concepts.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for A...
2022-04-2411 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-16: Monogamy, ENM and CommitmentIn trying to understand and compare the lifestyle choices of monogamy and ethical non-monogamy (ENM), it’s useful to consider the role of commitment in both of those choices. As we’ll see, making commitments imposes constraints on one’s life--- in exchange for gaining specific benefits. As in many aspects of life, choosing a relationship style involves making trade-offs.In this episode, we explore the nature of commitment, and how it plays into a wide range of relationship styles.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds...
2022-04-1912 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-15: Life and the "Relationship Escalator"For most of those who are in mainstream committed relationships in our culture, there is a “relationship escalator” that provides a roadmap of how that relationship is expected to develop over time. The “escalator” consists of a succession of steps that correspond to deepening commitment and sharing of life-goals in the relationship. We’ll describe that sequence below, and we’ll examine how that set of relationship stepping-stones can provide structure for the relationship. We'll then consider how useful the "escalator" is, and whether there might be alternatives to it.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship an...
2022-04-1011 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-14: Two Open Doors "State of the Union"It’s hard to believe that the Two Open Doors podcast has reached its 30th episode! This is an appropriate time to take stock of how we’re doing at building the envisioned Two Open Doors community.We review the various Two Open Doors online forums that complement this podcast. We also consider the goals envisioned for this community, and we take stock on how we're doing. We close with a call for engagement by all who value having a safe and welcoming place in which to explore deep human connections.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relat...
2022-04-0310 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-13: How's Your Pilot-Light?In our recent interview with premier American sexologist Dr. Patti Britton, she noted that she has started to use the image of a “little blue flame” as a metaphor for the erotic spark that dwells in each of us.Without that flame, our eroticism lacks an essential ignition-source. In this episode, we explore this concept, and consider how each of us can take steps to ensure the vigor of our own erotic "pilot-light".Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from...
2022-03-2710 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-12: Interview with Dr. Patti BrittonIn this full-length (43 minute) guest interview with one of the world's preeminent sexologists, we enjoy a wide-ranging discussion of the role of sexuality and sensuality in creating a fulfilling and growth-centered life. Dr. Patti is the co-founder (with her deceased partner and fellow sexologist Dr. Robert Dunlap) of Sex Coach University, which has trained many of America's most adept sex coaches. We'll hear what sex coaching entails, and why it's so important to legitimize and "normalize" the role of pleasure in a healthy life. We'll also learn about how that important field continues to evolve. Please join us, for a rea...
2022-03-2142 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-11: Loving and Being in LoveLoving, and being in love: they sound so similar, yet they’re quite different things. This distinction can make a big difference in the evolution of a deeply-connected relationship. Each has its role(s) to play in such a relationship--- and each contributes different things to the relationship.In this episode, we’ll take a closer look at the feelings and behaviors that come with loving someone. We’ll also examine the feelings and behaviors that accompany being in love with someone. That will help us understand how each contributes to an intimate relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz...
2022-03-1312 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-10: Hierarchy in RelationshipsRelationship “hierarchy” is the notion that relationships can be compared with one another and ranked, with some being deemed more valuable or more important than others. Sometimes, relationship hierarchy is implicit, rather than being stated explicitly; as an example, that is the case with traditional monogamous marriages. Since hierarchical ranking involves the application of value judgments, such ranking has significant implications. In this post, we’ll explore how hierarchy works, and how it plays into the relationships it touches.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He...
2022-03-0611 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-9: Attachment in Deep ConnectionsDeep human connections involve the sharing of intimate details between partners: hopes, fears, dreams and plans. The partners in such connections also open themselves to one another, to come to know one another intimately. That requires a willingness to make oneself vulnerable to one’s partner. In this episode, we’ll explore the role that attachment plays in intimate relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coa...
2022-02-2711 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-8: Finding Time for Intimacy | In our prior post, we explored the notion of “spiritual” connection, noting that such a connection can be soul-deep. We cited the central role of spiritual connection in some ancient spiritual practices, such as tantra. We noted that such profound connections take us out of our “normal” daily space, and that they do so by creating a “sacred space” in which partners can slow down and be fully present with one another. In this post, we’ll look at the challenges posed by trying to fit intimacy into daily life, in which neither free time nor personal presence are a give...
2022-02-2010 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-7: Spiritual ConnectionIn this post, we’ll explore the essence of deep human connection: what it is, and how it works. We’ll also consider the relationship between deep connection and spiritual practices that address the embodiment of that connection, such as tantra.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a Professional Sex Coach certification from Sex Coach U. Dr. Claude is passionate about promoting and supporting deep human connection. He devel...
2022-02-1311 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-6: Forbidden PleasureIn our recent post about pleasure, we focused on the special role that touch plays as a vehicle for pleasure. Along with the other senses, touch provides the basis for living an “Epicurean” life, in which pleasure brings us physical, emotional and mental health, and a deeply satisfying life. In this post, we’ll look at pleasure through a different lens: that of “forbidden” pleasure.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as a...
2022-02-0611 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-5: Cultivating PleasureIn recent posts, we’ve taken a look at two of the things that can focus us on the negative side of the sexual “ledger”: the prevalence of many misunderstandings about sex, and the occurrence of a number of disorders that can detract from our sexual experiences. In this post, we’ll focus on a very positive aspect of sex: its role as a portal to human pleasure.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sex...
2022-01-3010 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-4: Sexual ChallengesIn our most recent post, we took a look at some of the (many) misconceptions that prevail in our society, regarding sexuality and gender. In this post, we’ll examine another area of confusion and misunderstanding: information about the range of issues that can arise in the areas of sexuality and sensuality. Perhaps better understanding can offer more relief and peace of mind.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as w...
2022-01-2311 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-3: Some Misconceptions About Sex and GenderOur society is rife with misinformation and lack of information regarding sex--- sometimes as a result of a social agenda that is intended to maintain a taboo around sex. This can be very damaging, for a variety of reasons: avoidable occurrence of unwanted pregnancies; contracting and mismanagement of sexually-transmitted infections (STIs); debilitating shame and anxiety around the experience of sex; and a general feeling that sex is necessary for procreation, but is otherwise a confusing and negative force in people’s lives.As a sexologist, I believe that sex is a natural and wholesome activity that serves a hu...
2022-01-1612 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-2: A Multi-faceted View of SexNow that we’ve taken a look at the sexual response cycle, or SRC, we know that a sexual experience involves far more than physical hydraulics and mechanics. For us humans, sex is fabulous and sometimes fanciful adult playground that engages not only our bodies, but also our minds, emotions and spirit.Prior attempts to understand human sexuality have focused on specific aspects of that experience: the succession of phases through which it plays out, or the differences between male and female sexual experiences, or the differing contributions of our subconsciously-generated emotions, and our conscious thoughts and dec...
2022-01-0912 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 2-1: The Sexual Response CycleSex holds many surprises and puzzles, for most (or all) of us humans. At times, it’s the source of the most sublime and satisfying experiences that we can undergo--- while at other times, it can plunge us into the depths of disappointment and questioning of ourselves. Sex is a central force in our lives, and it’s a key ingredient in the realm of deep personal connections. As such, it’s worth knowing something about. In this post, we’ll deepen our understanding of how sex works, by taking a look at several infl...
2022-01-0212 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-16: Body Image and RelationshipsBody image is a term that describes how we see our own body, and how we feel about it. Since our body is the part of us that others see directly, our body image has a direct bearing on attracting other people into wanting to establish a relationship with us. Conversely, our body image can present a deterrent to being approached by others. In this post, we’ll explore the concept of body image, including how that image is formed, how it plays into our overall self-image, and how body image affects our relationships.Dr. Claud...
2021-12-2611 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-15: The Realm of the SensesOur senses are the channels that connect our body to our world. It’s easy to miss how varied and how rich our sensory experiences are. We have more than the traditional “five” senses, and all of them have a role to play in shaping our experiences.In this post, we’ll consider our various senses, and we’ll explore what we can do to fully experience and appreciate how they connect us with our world. We’ll then take a look at the roles that our senses play, in our quest for developing deep connections with others. We’ll...
2021-12-1912 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-14: It Ain't So SimpleMany of us grew up in a society in which we humans come in one of two “flavors” (or “genders”): male, or female. Over time, a menagerie of new gender-related terms arose, describing things such as “orientation”, “identity” or “expression”. These are often defined or used imprecisely.Sex and gender are important facets of the personal identities that we bring to our relationships. In this episode, we’ll visit some of the relevant terminology, and we’ll explore how these terms relate to one another.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and i...
2021-12-1212 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-13: The Science of SexologyIn this episode, we’ll be taking a look at the science of sexology: a bit of its history and philosophical tradition, the sweep of its technical coverage, and why it’s an important discipline with much relevance to our achieving the contentment and satisfaction that can come with deep human connections. We’ll also touch on some of the reasons that sexology is still viewed as a controversial field of study, by some in our society. We’ll explore that theme more deeply, in future posts.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Por...
2021-12-0511 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-12: Pleasure- An Owner's ManualIn this episode, we focus on pleasure: what it is, how it works, and how it has impact on our lives. We take a look at how social perspectives on pleasure have evolved in Western societies, especially considering how religion and social institutions can shape our sexual beliefs and behaviors. We consider three different perspectives on sexuality: that of the science of sexology; that of how power is applied to constrain and channel sexuality; and how individuals experience sexual desire in their own lives. We close with a reflection on the heartening realization that we all have choices to make...
2021-11-2811 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-11: Our RoadmapIn this episode, we examine the role of pleasure in our life, and we prepare to take Two Open Doors into some new terrain: an exploration of sensuality and sexuality. We’ll describe the Two Open Doors approach to discussing these sometimes-charged topics, and Claude will describe his background and philosophy in addressing these. In the bulk of this episode, we’ll use the Emotional-Physical-Mental (EMP) model of relationship to catalog and organize some of the many topics that are planned for future episodes.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relatio...
2021-11-2112 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-10: Opening DoorsIf we want to have a deep relationship with another person, we need to ensure that our “door” to relationship is open to them--- and that our partner’s “door” is open to us. Here, we look at some of the things that can cause our “door” to close, and we consider how we can change those things. We examine two factors that are required for the partners in a relationship to have “two open doors” between them: desire, and trust. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human S...
2021-11-1411 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-9: Looking Beyond the PhysicalThe EMP (Emotional-Mental-Physical) model was developed to describe the complex interactions that occur in the course of a person’s having a sexual experience. Such experiences involve a person’s body, emotions and conscious mind. EMP can be extended to describe how relationships operate in general, not just how sexual experiences play out.In the previous post, we explored the “Physical” or “Physiological” layer of the EMP model. Here, we consider the Emotional and Mental layers, and we close with some reflections of what EMP tells us about human rel...
2021-11-0712 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-8: Embodied ConnectionAs we’ve heard in earlier episodes, deep human connection has many facets. Here, we begin to explore a model of human relationships that covers all three categories of close human connection: our sensual, sexual and intimate behaviors. We’ll see how the multi-layer EMP model can provide insights into how we can nurture the physiological, emotional and mental facets of our close relationships. In this episode, we’ll focus on the “Physiological” layer of the model.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human...
2021-10-3113 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-7: Sensuality, Sexuality and IntimacyIn popular media and discussions, the terms “sensuality”, “sexuality” and “intimacy” are often used interchangeably, or are otherwise confused. Here, we explore how each of these is a different facet of human relationship, and we examine how they’re related. We find that there is good reason to give each of these concepts its proper place; they’re all distinct and important parts of human relationship.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), as well as...
2021-10-2411 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-6: Unconditional LoveIn earlier episodes of this podcast, we’ve examined some aspects of the nature of love, and of attachment. In this episode, we consider the idea of “unconditional” love. We take a look at what that might mean, and we then consider whether adult humans are likely to be capable of giving unconditional love to others. In passing, we also consider how attachment and commitment might fit into loving relationships, and we also look at interdependence vs. independence in mature loving relationships.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds...
2021-10-1715 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-5: Deep ConnectionOur attachment style is one important part of the foundation on which we build all of our adult relationships. Attachment affects our capacity for creating deep human connections. Such connections include two distinct, comparably-important elements: a deep emotional connection that allows us to know and open to one another; and a physical connection that lets us share the simple but sublime gift of pleasure with one another. A deep emotional and physical connection can transport us into a space that is truly transcendent; one can refer to that space as “spiritualty”. We explore that idea here, and then we step bac...
2021-10-1115 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-4: Attachment- Learning to RelateIn Episode 3, we explored the nature of human relationship, and focused on how “emotional” relationships work. We noted that the developmental-psychology framework provided by “attachment theory” gives us valuable clues about how we’ve learned to relate to others.In this episode, we dig further, to unearth the four “styles” of childhood attachment, and the corresponding four styles of adult attachment. Understanding our attachment style and history is an important part of our attaining the self-knowledge that we discussed in Episode 2. That also provides a foundation for the deeper dive that we’ll be taking into learning how to “connect dee...
2021-10-0313 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-3: So, What the Heck IS Relationship, Anyway?Two Open Doors is all about human relationship--- but we haven’t yet taken a look at what relationship is. In this post, we consider two very different kinds of relationships: “transactional” ones, and what we’ll call “emotional” ones. Our spotlight here is on emotional relationships. We also consider how it is that we learn to relate to others--- since we’re not born with that capacity. We introduce the important psychological perspective of attachment theory, which we’ll revisit in later episodes.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a...
2021-09-2714 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-2: Our Most Important RelationshipIf we aspire to have satisfying and healthy relationships with others, our foundation will be to first have a good relationship with ourselves. That requires that we have solid self-knowledge: an understanding of who we are, as well as how we act. The first focuses inward, on things such as what we value and what we believe. The second focuses outward, to describe how we treat others, and how we engage with the world around us.We can acquire self-knowledge through introspection, in which we quiet ourselves enough to be in touch with our honestly-assessed bel...
2021-09-1915 minTwo Open DoorsEpisode 1-1: Welcome!In this short introductory episode, host Claude introduces himself, and he describes why deep human connection is so important to him. He explains the origin of the somewhat mysterious title of this podcast. He also reflects on the importance of personal choice in shaping one's personal relationships, and he shares his notion of "re-choicing", as a path to filling one's life with satisfying and healthy deep connections.Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and intimacy coach based in the Portland, OR area. He holds a PhD in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Se...
2021-09-1211 min