Shows
Thriving Your LoveThe Origins of Anger – Part 1Welcome to the first episode in our series exploring the many facets of anger. Today, we want to emphasize that anger itself is not bad. It's a natural, healthy emotion designed to enhance our chances of survival. In fact, without anger, we probably wouldn't have made it this far as a species — it helps us protect ourselves and assert boundaries when we're threatened.
Anger's core purpose is to keep us safe and prevent others from harming us. However, when anger becomes excessive or uncontrollable, it can turn destructive.
Many of us carry childhood traumas that sh...2025-07-0722 minThriving Your LoveInsecure ParentingThe concept of the "inner child" typically refers to the part of ourselves that felt unloved and unimportant during childhood. This inner child embodies trauma, pain, and a desire for love and appreciation.
As children, we yearned to feel loved and connected to our caregivers. We sought their approval and often tried hard to please them to earn their love. When we didn't feel important or loved by them, we carried that sense of neglect into adulthood, where we continue seeking love and acceptance.
Even as adults, we continue to pursue love and significance, seeking...2025-06-1020 minThriving Your LoveBeing Compassionate to Yourself and OthersWe discuss the significance of compassion for our well-being and the value of maintaining good relationships with others. Being unkind to ourselves contributes to unhappiness and reduces our productivity. Blaming ourselves or forcing ourselves to meet expectations drains the energy we need for the things we genuinely want to do.
Additionally, we examine how childhood experiences influence our self-care in adulthood. If we were treated harshly by our caregivers, we may struggle with self-kindness as adults, which can also affect how we interact with our loved ones.2025-06-0326 minThriving Your LoveYour Unconditional Worth Part 2In this podcast, we explore how childhood influences our sense of worth. Not feeling loved and connected to our caregivers during childhood makes us think we must perform to be accepted. This causes many people to work hard to achieve their goal of being loved and accepted. Unfortunately, this never happens, and they continue pursuing this goal their entire lives.2025-03-1227 minThriving Your LoveChildhood Trauma: How it Can Affect Your RelationshipsIf you had a traumatic childhood, you dream about having a different experience in your adulthood. You would like to find love and feel safe in the hands of your significant other. However, your trauma may often stand in the way of finding happiness. You may have difficulty trusting your partner, and you may have developed coping skills that might hurt your partner.
This podcast discusses the tendency to project the image of the people who hurt us in our childhood onto our partners. This can lead to attacking them as if they were our...2025-01-2218 minThriving Your LoveReconnecting Through RepairWe all dream about having a great relationship with a loved one. We think the ideal relationship is one where there isn't any disagreement, or at least disagreements are rare. In this podcast, we show how even the best relationships have disagreements. The hallmark of a good relationship isn't the absence of disagreements but the ability to repair. When we disagree and feel disconnected from our partner, our ability to repair will make all the difference. Reaching out to our partners and taking responsibility for hurting them helps us reconnect.2024-12-1022 minThriving Your LoveYour Unconditional WorthIn this episode, we discuss people's tendency to think that their worth depends on external circumstances. We explain that our worth does not depend on our condition, money, beauty, or accolades.2024-12-1019 minThriving Your LoveThe True Meaning of AuthorityThe concept of authority is frequently confused with harshness and power. The “authoritative” person places themselves in a position of superiority and shows others who is the boss. This causes people to feel humiliated and disrespected. The result is that people either resist defiantly or comply for fear of consequences.
We receive these messages about authority from our caretakers in our childhood. Many of us were treated from a top-down position by them. We felt hurt, but we learned from them and did the same as they did to us. We pass down to the next...2024-08-1817 minThriving Your LoveThe You & I StoryIn this edition of the Thriving Your Love Podcast, Shalini Dayal, MFT, and Natasha Kharbanda, LCSW, speak about their work and how they have shared their knowledge of EFT and John Gottman with therapists in India and other countries.2024-07-0220 minThriving Your LoveThe South Asian StoryIn this special edition of Thriving Your Love, we interview Shalini Dayal, LMFT, and Natasha Kharbanda, LCSW. They discuss the importance of tailoring couples therapy to the needs of each culture, in their case, the South Asian community. They raise awareness of the challenges of interracial marriage and the influence of in-laws. They also discuss what made them decide to become therapists and their specialties as couples' therapists.2024-05-2720 minThriving Your LoveBeing A Responsive PartnerWe talked about the negative cycle that happens between partners. One partner seeks connection through blame and control, while the other avoids it for fear of being hurt. In this episode, we explain how one partner can bring the other close by being responsive.2024-04-2117 minThriving Your LoveReassurance Soothes JealousyWe talked about how reassurance helps people feel more secure. When people are afraid of losing their attachment figure, reassurance of one's love goes a long way toward helping them feel safe.2024-04-1617 minThriving Your LoveBelonging with Your PartnerDo you believe you belong with your partner or sometimes feel like an outsider? Many partners don't feel desired by their partners and see themselves as inadequate or not good enough. This may affect their self-esteem because their perception of themselves is tightly connected to how they think their partners see them.2024-04-0817 minThriving Your LoveJealousyJealousy is caused by fear of losing a significant attachment figure. It may be based on reality or in our imagination. When it's based on reality, it may help us guarantee that we don't lose a loved one. However, if it's in our imagination, we might cause relationship problems. Sometimes, the fear might push the other person away from us instead of bringing them closer.2024-03-2424 minThriving Your LoveThe Science of LoveIn this video, we discuss how attachment theory helped us understand love and the need for someone we can count on.2024-03-1324 minThriving Your LoveAttachment and AffectionIn this edition we talk about about how we show love through our body language. Our tone of voice, our touching, our eyes, and our gestures sometimes speak louder than the words we say. Turning to our loved one when they are talking to us and paying attention to them tells them that they are important to us.2024-02-2718 minThriving Your LoveHow to Understand a Narcissist PartnerIn this last episode of Understanding a Narcissist Partner, we focus on the need to feel important and the lack of awareness of the impact of a partner. Narcissists need to feel important and valuable. One way they do it is by driving the attention to themselves. Being the center makes them feel valued and admired by people around them.2024-02-1223 minThriving Your LoveNarcissism and VulnerabilityIn this video, we explain how narcissism and vulnerability cannot coexist. Narcissism involves a fear of being oneself and hiding behind a mask of self-confidence. The more we fear being seen, the less able we are to be vulnerable. We hide behind a mask of superiority for fear that people will not accept us for who we are.2024-01-2823 minThriving Your LoveUnderstanding NarcissismIn this podcast, we aim to demystify narcissism disorder. Like other mental health illnesses such as borderline disorder and bipolar disorder, narcissism disorder has been looked upon with judgment and prejudice. We try to bring more understanding and acceptance to a problem that affects most of us to some degree.2024-01-1620 minThriving Your LoveUnderstanding AttachmentIn this episode, we will give you a helpful overview of where love comes from parent to child and, as adults, partner to partner. This is the critical ingredient to Emotionally Focused Therapy. Our brain is designed for connection, and we seek proximity to others from the very moment we are born. Babies have several behaviors geared to attract others. As they send connection cues to those around them, people respond to those cues and engage with them. The interaction between them and their caretakers develops their brains and affects their physiology. Psychologist and psychiatrist John Bowlby postulated that...2023-12-1520 minThriving Your LoveLove RitualsDuring the honeymoon phase we do everything we can to spend time with our loved ones. The desire to be with each other is spontaneous and we might even forgo sleep and work. After the honeymoon phase, nonetheless, we need to be intentional about it.
Love rituals are anything that we do to show our partner that they are special to us and that we love them. It can be a simple hug, kiss, or smile. An acknowledgment that we have them in our minds and that they make us happy.2023-09-2517 minThriving Your LoveSeeking ComfortHaving a strong connection with our partner makes us feel protected. Our partner is like a shield that helps us to feel safer in the world. We know that we have someone who has our back and this gives us the courage we need to face the challenges of life.2023-07-0919 minThriving Your LoveHow To Give ComfortIn our desire to help our loved ones, we give them advice or solutions. We think that they expect us to fix their problems when they only want our presence amidst their pain. We would like our love to take all the pain away from our partner's life. However, that's not possible. Although we cannot take their pain away, we can be with them in times of distress. The worst thing is not suffering but suffering alone.2023-07-0524 minThriving Your LoveGiving Comfort
In our desire to help our loved ones, we give them advice or solutions. We think that they expect us to fix their problems when they only want our presence amidst their pain. We would like our love to take all the pain away from our partner's life. However, that's not possible. Although we cannot take their pain away, we can be with them in times of distress. The worst thing is not suffering but suffering alone.2023-06-2624 minThriving Your LoveVulnerable ConversationsIn the last video of the series “Healing from Affairs,” we talk about the type of conversation that helps a couple to heal from an attachment injury such as an affair. Couples have difficulty healing from an affair because their communication is focused on attacking and defending. The injured partner attacks the one who committed the affair who defends themselves from the accusation and sometimes also attacks back. These failed conversations only serve to injure them over and over again and create more disconnection.
In this episode, we show how couples can talk in a vuln...2023-04-3014 minThriving Your LoveAffair Proofing Your RelationshipAffairs cause a great deal of shame for both partners. The injured one thinks that their partner betrayed them because they are not good enough. Maybe they are not attractive, charming or special. They conclude that there is something missing about them that their partner found in the other person.
The partner who had the affair also feels a great deal of shame. They see the pain they have caused their partner and they feel horrible about that. Since they were the ones who cheated, they see themselves as immoral and dishonest. Their partner's attack...2023-01-1120 minThriving Your LoveHealing from AffairsOf all the problems that a couple may face, the worst is an affair. It's no wonder that about half of the couples who go through an affair, end up in divorce. It is very common for therapists to help couples who are trying to heal from an affair. Affairs shake the foundation of the relationship and damage trust. They cause immense pain that may linger for a long time. It is very important that couples seek help to heal, reconnect and make their relationship stronger.2022-12-1429 minThriving Your LoveThe Avoidant Partner's Worst FearIn the last podcast, we talked about the worst of all fears which is losing the love of our attachment figure. In this podcast, we dive into how this fear shows up differently for those who avoid closeness. The fear of being criticized or having a fight causes avoidant partners to distance themselves to protect the relationship. Although they seem cold and distant, they are just afraid of making things worse and losing the person they love.2022-11-2824 minThriving Your LoveThe Worst of All FearsWe continue talking about fear and how it plays out in adult relationships. Our worst fear is to lose the person whom we love the most. When we feel rejected or abandoned, we try everything we can to get reassurance from our partner that they are there for us. If we cannot get this reassurance, we feel desperate and we protest.2022-11-1526 minThriving Your LoveThe Origins of FearFear is a great survival mechanism that propels us to seek a connection to another human being who can help us feel safe. When our survival is threatened, our brain triggers a series of physiological reactions designed to prepare our body to face the perceived threat. The part of the brain that deals with fear is the same related to attachment which means that attachment is the antidote to fear. Because the connection to an attachment figure is so important, we fear being abandoned and rejected by our loved ones. Since we are babies, we send bids for connection...2022-11-0122 minThriving Your LoveHow Shame Affects RelationshipsShame is one of the most challenging feelings because it affects our self-esteem and makes us want to hide. We develop shame in our childhood through our relationship with our attachment figures. When we cannot feel connected to them, we think that the problem is with us. Maybe we are unlovable and defective. We feel ashamed of who we are and our need to feel loved, connected, and important to our attachment figures. Shame is extremely painful. When we feel it, we want to hide or disappear. We are afraid of being seen because we believe that people are...2022-10-2419 minThriving Your LoveShame and VulnerabilityShame is one of the most challenging feelings because it affects our self-esteem and makes us want to hide. We develop shame in our childhood through our relationship with our attachment figures. When we cannot feel connected to them, we think that the problem is with us. Maybe we are unlovable and defective. We feel ashamed of who we are and our need to feel loved, connected and important to our attachment figures.
Shame is extremely painful. When we feel it, we want to hide or disappear. We are afraid of being seen because we believe that...2022-10-0120 minThriving Your LoveAttachment InjuriesEvery relationship has its problems and disagreements are a normal part of them. The secret resides in the ability to talk about the hurt in a vulnerable way.
Attachment injuries occur when the injured person cannot trust the other to be there for them anymore. When they talk about the injury, the one who has hurt the other justifies their action and minimizes the other person's feelings. The one who felt hurt might also focus on attacking the other instead of communicating the hurt from a point of vulnerability. Every time they talk about the problem, the...2022-09-1318 minThriving Your LoveTuning Into Your EmotionsCouples become disconnected when they do not share what they feel. They might not be in touch with their emotions or be afraid of expressing them. Many times they act upon their emotions instead of making them clear. In this video podcast, we talk about the importance of being vulnerable. When we reveal our emotions to each other in a vulnerable way, we bring our partner closer and we feel more connected.2022-08-2821 minThriving Your LoveThe Meaning You MakeWhen couples cannot get along, they come up with explanations for their distress. They tell themselves stories about themselves, their partners, and the relationship. They might say that they did not have enough time to know each other, they are too different, or they are beyond repair. They build negative cases against each other to understand why they are so disconnected. These stories fuel their disconnection and cause more suffering.2022-08-1817 minThriving Your LoveThe Negative CycleThe pursuer feels disconnected from the withdrawer and points out the problem. The withdrawer says there is no problem when the disconnection seems so obvious to the pursuer. The pursuer feels dismissed and ignored and becomes louder to get the attention of the withdrawer who feels attacked and shuts down. The withdrawer may also get mad and explode. As they keep on fighting for their relationship, they feel increasingly hopeless.2022-08-0726 minThriving Your LoveThe Importance of RelationshipsHuman beings are social by nature. Our brain is designed for connection and from the moment we are born we seek proximity to others. Connection with a loved one makes us feel strong and secure. Our brain works at an optimal level, and we become curious and creative. We are more courageous, and the challenges of life seem less threatening. Like a child who explores the world certain that their parents are there for them, we tackle our duties with the confidence that our soul mate has our back.
2022-07-2920 min