Shows
Resilience Development in ActionE.206 First Responder Marriages: Bridging the GapSend us a textSteve Bisson welcomes Cyndi Doyle, licensed professional counselor, retired police spouse, and founder of Code for Couples, to discuss the unique challenges faced by first responder relationships and strategies for building resilience.• Meeting Cyndi Doyle - licensed professional counselor specializing in first responder relationships for over 20 years• Understanding the "married but single" phenomenon that many first responder spouses experience• Recognizing grief in relationships when expectations don't match reality• How hypervigilance affects communication and connection at home• The importance of perspective-taking to reduce resentment• Standing in your partner's sh...2025-05-2844 min
Reasons We ServeEpisode 106 Cyndi Doyle Founder of Code4CouplesEpisode 106 features Cyndi Doyle, who is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor focusing on counseling for first responders with an emphasis on law enforcement.Cyndi began her career as a typical counselor, but soon married her husband, who began a career in law enforcement. Cyndi had no idea what to expect, and in the beginning, her husband would come home with stories from his job. As years passed, Cyndi began to notice changes in her husband, including cynicism and becoming far less jovial than she had known him to be when they were first married.As the...2025-04-271h 24
Code4CouplesEp 150: Building Connection Through Appreciation: A Law Enforcement Family Perspective January 9th marks Law Enforcement Appreciation Day—a moment to honor the men and women who protect and serve our communities. However, as we express gratitude for officers, it's crucial to also recognize the families who sacrifice and serve alongside them. Appreciation is not only for special occasions; it’s an essential practice that strengthens the bonds between officers and their loved ones. Host, Cyndi Doyle, explores the science of appreciation, its role in fostering connection, and actionable ways to incorporate it into everyday life. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Prot...2025-01-1023 min
Law Enforcement Life Coach / Sometimes Heroes Need Help PodcastCyndi Doyle / Hold the Line : The Essential Guide to Protecting your Law Enforcement RelationshipWhat an amazing conversation I had with Cyndi Doyle, as I like to call her the savior of the law enforcement relationship. She comes from experience and shares what she has discovered to give Leo couples the tools to win and live a life of love, gratitude, and intimacy. She's the real deal and we uncovered the reasons why we fail at relationships but more importantly we discussed what we can do to address those issues and get ahead of it. Real world problem solving!! CYNDI DOYLE, LPC-S, NCC, CDWF, CISM Cyndi is a Li...2024-12-051h 00
Code4CouplesEp 148: Navigating Burnout in Law Enforcement CommunitiesBurnout in law enforcement as an officer or spouse seems inevitable, considering the sacrifices you make and the impact on both of you. It leads to arguments and disconnection. You work hard, juggling work, home, social life, projects, kids, parents, and all the other things. Appointments, meetings, and shifts keep getting added to your calendar, and paperwork is piling up. Maybe you've said yes to a few people or situations you really wanted to say no to. You realize you're not just burning the candle on both ends, but you've added some wicks making the ca...2024-10-111h 05
Code4CouplesEp 147: How to Advocate for Police Families After a Traumatic Brain Injury In this episode of the Code4Couples podcast, host Cyndi Doyle continues the conversation with Joan Van De Greik about the severe financial impacts following her husband's traumatic brain injury (TBI) sustained in the line of duty. Joan shares the struggles they faced including mounting medical expenses, navigating insurance and workers' comp, the importance of disability and life insurance with living benefits, and ultimately starting her business Fetch Your Wealth. Joan's story highlights the necessity of financial planning for law enforcement families facing similar challenges. Fetch Your Wealth 2024-09-2749 min
Code4CouplesEp 142: Thriving in and out of the careerIn this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews Brian Ellis, a retired law enforcement officer and creator of Magnus Worx, about the importance of wellness and resilience in the law enforcement profession. Wellness is not just a physical issue, but also a mental one, and it is crucial for law enforcement organizations to prioritize the well-being of their personnel. Ellis discusses the alarming state of public safety well-being and the need for organizations to take action to support their employees. He also highlights the importance of data in measuring the effectiveness of wellness programs and the role of technology...2024-06-2855 min
Code4CouplesEp 136: To Hell and BackIn this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing wellness and seeking help. He discusses his involvement in peer support and wellness programs, including his work with the Warriors Rest Foundation and the National Cops Program. Blumenthal encourages law enforcement officers to seek support and make positive choices to improve their well-being and relationships. Essential Skills f...2024-02-1644 min
Code4CouplesEp 135: Burnout We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further. When does stress become burnout? Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more stable. If spouses could catch burnout, they might continue to have patience and compassion. With burnout, we all wear a little thin. How do we identify burnout? How is law enforcement burnout unique? What can we do if we...2024-02-0253 min
Code4CouplesEp 134: Communication and Trauma Response after Critical IncidentsKatie Bingner is a counselor in Maryland, a law enforcement spouse, and a communications coach for law enforcement couples. I just assumed that her wife worked in Maryland. I was wrong. She works in Washington, DC. That led me to ask about January 6th and come to find out, her wife was in the thick of it. What started as an interview about connection and communication in law enforcement couples ended up being a conversation about how they were both impacted by the incident on January 6th. Katie talks about how their previous struggles that almost tore them apart...2024-01-191h 09
Code4CouplesEp 133: Making Your Holiday Happy There is a holiday song that always makes my husband and I laugh. It is Bob Rivers singing "The Twelve Pains of Christmas," and it's funny because it is sadly and hilariously true. The lyrics are the first thing about Christmas that's such a pain to me and he goes through a list. The first one is finding a Christmas tree, rigging up the lights, and hangovers. The fourth one is sending Christmas cards, five months of bills, and the sixth one is facing in-laws. He goes through other stressors as well like finding gifts, crying kids, charity donations...2023-12-2252 min
Code4CouplesEp 132: The Cop DocYou may or may not know who Dr. Ellen Kirschman is, but you’ve certainly been impacted by her. I think of Ellen as the godmother of police psychology. She has paved the way for many counselors and spouses with her books, I Love A Cop and Counseling Cops. She was one of the first, if not the first, to offer workshops for spouses to understand their officer. She's passionate about helping officers heal from trauma and continues to volunteer her time to do just that. In my interview with Ellen, I get her thoughts on how the blue fa...2023-12-151h 00
Code4CouplesEp 131: Wives on DutyBefore I met Allison Uribe, I came across her book, Cuffs and Coffee: A Devotional for Wives of America's Law Enforcement Officers. When we met in 2019 at a conference in Ohio where we were both speaking, I realized that Allison was not only a lot of fun but that she had grit. She will fess up to not handling situations the best way possible early on in her relationship and that she and her husband haven’t always had smooth sailing in their marriage. What saved her relationship was when she started walking her “faith walk.” She realized she needed to...2023-12-0851 min
Code4CouplesEp 130: Retirement in Dual Law Enforcement RelationshipsNo one I know is more out in our community as a dual law enforcement couple sharing their story than Cathy and Javier Bustos. I interviewed them several years ago on episode 46 when they were both still working in law enforcement and growing with their company, That Peer Support Couple. They shared their unique lens on being an officer and a spouse to each other. Now they've both retired and I wanted to find out what it has been like for them as officers and spouses in retirement. www.cathyandjavi.com cathyandjavi@gmail.com cbustos@warrio...2023-12-0149 min
Code4CouplesEncore: The Overtime TrapThe holiday season can be challenging for any couple. For law enforcement couples, we know that it's going to bring an absence to regularly scheduled events and rituals. What can be kind of nice is the increased need for off-duty officers at shopping centers and churches, or the overtime that comes with having to work events, or the holidays themselves. That extra dump of income can be really nice and helpful, and even make the separation worth it during the holidays. It can also get couples in trouble if they plan on the cash to catch them...2023-11-1733 min
Code4CouplesEp 129: Holding on to HAPPYResilience is one of those words that gets shared in our community. But, what does it mean to be resilient, and how do we get there? Resilience isn’t about “bouncing back” but arriving at the understanding that your life has shifted or changed because of what has occurred. Resilience is about making meaning from what we have experienced. In this episode of the Code4Couples®podcast, Kate Pieper, LMFT, talks about how she took her personal experiences and professional expertise to create a resilience model she calls Holding On to HAPPY. Kate@katepieperlmft.com The St...2023-11-1056 min
Code4CouplesEp 128: Be Better or Be Bitter As a law enforcement officer, you spend a lot of time helping other families during and after a crisis. You spend much of your time arresting people who are driving drunk, using drugs, stealing, or other illegal activities and you've probably called people who engage in those activities "losers", "idiots", "scumbags" or other derogatory names. Now, put yourself in a situation where, as an officer, those people are your family. Not extended family but your immediate family: your wife, husband, children, mom, dad, brother, or sister. What then? Doug Wyman, a former chief of police and law e...2023-11-0355 min
Code4CouplesEp 127: Common Issues in Law Enforcement Relationships This week's podcast is a little bit of a spin. Adam Davis interviewed me for a conference he produced early this year. He had some good questions, so the interview was pretty alright. (HA) I asked him if I could share this interview on my podcast. Of course, he said yes. In this interview, I talk about a few ways that the job of law enforcement can spill over and negatively impact our relationship. In this episode, I talk about: What struggles in communication and connection? How does trauma impact our connection? The 3 basic steps in commu...2023-10-2731 min
Code4CouplesEncore: Domestic Violence or Bad Behavior?There are a lot of statistics that go around with law enforcement and domestic violence. "Google 40% in Law Enforcement or maybe just the comment "40%." Those are the comments I sometimes get in my posts or in my reels on Instagram. I know exactly what it means when I read it. They are referring to the popular statistic that 40% of Law Enforcement engage in acts of violence against their spouse or their children. What many people do not know or share to care, is that this statistic is from two research articles. One from 1991, the other from 1992. This...2023-10-2041 min
Code4CouplesEp 126: Men's Work with Garret Teslaa Garrett TeSlaa, host of the Squad Room podcast and Lieutenant in Southern California, reached out to me and asked if I had done a podcast on "men’s work." I had to give him a hard time about men’s work versus women’s work, and we joked around about it, but what he really meant was what I thought. It’s easier for women to do certain things like read self -help books or talk to other women about growth and development. It’s more socially acceptable to ask for help or go to therapy when something's wrong and not wor...2023-10-1337 min
Code4CouplesEp 125: Beyond the BadgeMichael Laidler is an experienced law enforcement officer and a lieutenant with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, but when you meet him, he's not LT or Lieutenant. He's Michael Laidler, Lieutenant. Along the way, he has realized that it's incredibly important to remind himself that law enforcement has a role in his life, but it is not his entire life. He believes that everyone in law enforcement needs to put themselves and then their families as a priority. He started speaking on this topic and wrote a book to help officers and others transform fatigue into fulfillment through greatness...2023-10-0649 min
Code4CouplesEp 124: Support Behind the BadgeImagine you sustain an injury on the job as an officer, an injury that takes you out of work for a while. Now, imagine what it would be like if no one in the department called to check on you. Imagine being that spouse who is taking care of the officer, still needing to work, picking up all the household duties, and still trying to physically take care of your spouse while emotionally addressing their needs. I don't know about you, but if I were that officer, I'd feel betrayed, and if I were the spouse, I would feel...2023-09-2945 min
Code4CouplesEp 123: Shiftwork NutritionYou're going from call to call and there is finally a moment when things slow down. You start to realize you haven't even thought about eating, much less had time to eat on your 12 hour shift that you're now seven hours into. In fact, you're actually really hungry, but you're lunch, dinner, or whatever meal you want to call it is at the PD in the fridge and you want to eat now. Hello, Whataburger! As an officer’s spouse, I tried to pack food as an act of love for my husband. He packed his own lunch too. We...2023-09-2249 min
Code4CouplesEp 122: Mindset and Control There are some people that just inspire you to be better. Kristofor Healey is one of those people. Kristofor was an award-winning special agent with the government for over 15 years, taking on some of the world's most notorious criminal organizations. He's a keynote speaker, a coach, podcast host, and the author of The Indispensable Man, which he describes as the Tactical Plan for the Modern Man. Kristofor is currently finishing up a second book, which he hopes to have out by October. Today, Kristofor and I talk about his outlook on life and philosophy, which impacts who he is...2023-09-1553 min
Enduring The BadgeExpert Discussion On Hypervigilance In First Responder Relationships with Cyndi DoyleSend us a textWhat happens when your spouse's profession constantly pushes them into a hypervigilant state, and this spills over into your relationship? How do you maintain a healthy connection amidst the unique challenges first responders face? Licensed professional counselor and law enforcement spouse Cyndi Doyle joins us to explore these questions and more. In her book 'Hold the Line: How to Protect Your Essential Guide for Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship,' Cyndi shares insights into the hypervigilance cycle often experienced by first responders and its impact on their relationships.We also discuss...2023-09-1255 min
Code4CouplesEp 121: Connection at Home with the Lt's DaughterAs a child growing up in a police family, Katherine Boyle didn't really understand what her dad did for a living. To her, it was just her life. Looking back, she sees the things that she thinks her dad did right for her to feel safe and for them to have a close relationship to this day. Katherine is the “Lt’s daughter”. She's making waves on social media and on podcasts, sharing her and her dad's story and impacting our community by sharing those lessons. Today, she shares those lessons with us. Beyondtheu...2023-09-0846 min
Code4CouplesEp 120: I'm Not Bulletproof On Thursday, September 1st 2022, I decided to go to work at the office for a couple of hours. I was texting with my husband, and we were joking around as I packed up. Then he said, “I don’t feel right, get home.” I immediately got into the car and started driving the 17 miles home. At a stoplight in town, I got a text that said, “Call 911?” I said, sure. I had no idea what was wrong. I got on the highway that led to our house and drove about 85 miles an hour all the way home to the house. The...2023-09-0144 min
Proud Police Wife PodcastEP 49: Hold the Line with Cyndi DoyleHave you ever said or been told "law enforcement is just a job"? Well, yes, it is a job, but it is a career choice that has great impact on the person serving in that career and often times, impacts the family, as well.Being aware of what our spouse goes through on the job can help us have empathy for what they are going through and we can walk alongside them instead of them stuffing done their emotions all alone.Joining us today is Cyndi Doyle. Cyndi is a licensed professional counselor...2023-08-2541 min
Code4CouplesEp 119: The Cycle of SexMaybe this will sound familiar to you. You haven't seen each other for a while because you are working shifts and missing each other due to schedules, stress with family, work, and kids. You finally get a small amount of time together and one of you wants to make the most of this time to have sex, but as soon as you start trying to make the moves, the other one of you starts to push back saying, how can I have sex when we haven't connected? The other one of you says, but I feel connected when we...2023-08-2548 min
Code4CouplesEp 118: Moral InjuryYou finish a call, and it went well, but something's not sitting right. You feel bad, kind of guilty, or maybe even a little shameful. You see your friend that was just involved in an officer involved shooting recently, and people are going by and letting them know that it was a good shot, you know, it was a good shot. He's even been cleared. But you realize that in all the congratulations, he doesn't seem to be as pleased with himself as everybody else is pleased with him. Maybe your spouse comes home after an incident and you...2023-08-1835 min
Code4CouplesEp 117: The Badge, The Bottle and My Better Half There are some people I encounter that I immediately get a good vibe from. I met John Monaghan virtually on a call we were both on and he subtly mentioned that he had overcome an addiction to alcohol and spoke with passion about officer mental health and the impact on the family. I mentioned something about vulnerability and taking off emotional armor on the call and he wrote in the chat that he loved Brene Brown. I thought to myself…. Who is this guy?!?! Then I found his TEDx talk about police reform starting in the therapist’s office. The more I rea...2023-08-1152 min
Code4CouplesEp 116: Boxing up Emotions: The Good and BadIf you’re an officer, you may find yourself using compartmentalization to stay focused and act in stressful situations. As spouses, we want our officers and first responders to be able to utilize this skill because it keeps them attentive and safe. However, compartmentalization can have some unintended fallout in terms of the ability to feel present and connected in our relationships. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Rose Kormanyos, works with medical couples helping them to understand the benefit of compartmentalization and how to reengage with their emotions in order to increase connection and intimacy in their relationships. Rose sh...2023-08-0448 min
Code4CouplesEP 115: Are Your Love Languages Transactional?The most popular idea that couples have regarding relationships seems to be the five love languages. I've heard many couples talk about knowing their own love languages and some even know their partner's love language. If each other’s love languages are known, one would think your relationship’s needs would be met, but that is not always the case. What the heck could be the problem? It's true that if we pay attention to each other's love language, it positively impacts our relationship. It becomes a problem when they become transactional. Let's talk about how this happens and what...2023-07-2851 min
Code4CouplesEp 114: Financial Wellness in Law Enforcement All right, raise your hand if you sometimes find yourself scrolling on Amazon and adding a few things to your cart. Or maybe you find yourself really focused on wanting to take that next big trip or get that new gun or fishing pole. Maybe you just get tired of cooking and order takeout, maybe a little too much. Some of those impulse decisions can lead to money stress later on. Law enforcement couples deal with a ton of stress from the job and when finances aren't managed in a healthy way, this can add additional stress and bleed...2023-07-2145 min
Code4CouplesEp 113: Parenting in PolicingMany of you know that I'm not a parent. Even though I wasn't able to have the personal experience of raising a child in a law enforcement family, I often feel confident when fielding questions regarding the impact on children. However, I do seek out people that have firsthand knowledge, experience, stories, and expertise so that you as a parent can feel seen and connected with others. Lisa Duez is a law enforcement spouse, mom, and mental health clinician. Today, Lisa and I chat casually about how being a law enforcement family can impact children and some of her...2023-07-1442 min
Code4CouplesEp 112: Communication Differences Between Men and Women: The Four Positions My husband and I often have struggles, frustrations, and miscommunication. When we're talking, we may miss what the other person is wanting or needing in order to connect. Many times, I want to go deeper into something, and he tells me there's not anything deeper to be said. He will sometimes make what I think is a controversial statement and my response is to kind of roll my eyes. What I didn't know until this interview is that we're trying to connect in a way that's typical for our gender and the way we're cultured. In the limited time...2023-06-3048 min
Code4CouplesEp 111: The Four S's for Trust and Safety in Your RelationshipThere are all kinds of challenges in our relationships as law enforcement and first responder couples. The time away from each other can cause our insecurities to arise and create negative stories about why your spouse really isn't answering the phone, what they're doing with their time away from you, or why that connection just doesn't feel as strong as it once did. Our stories impact the emotional trust between us and can become toxins that create conflict and disconnection. Today I talk with Kristal DeSantis, author of Strong, A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. Kristal brings...2023-06-2347 min
Code4CouplesEp 110: The Spartan RelationshipIn the first responder world, the spouse is most often the one left at home to pick up the pieces while the officer is on shift. The impact of the career can force a spouse to become fiercely independent in unexpected areas of a relationship. Between shift work, extra duty jobs, and on call shifts, there isn’t much of a choice, BUT independence doesn’t mean disconnection! Does this independence and its accompanied behaviors spillover into the relationship much like the spillover from the job? The answer is yes, however, there is a way to combat both types of s...2023-06-161h 02
Code4CouplesEp 109: Spillover from Conditioned Communication In our everyday interactions, communication plays a vital role in how we connect with others. It shapes our relationships, influences our understanding, and defines our experiences. At times, we can find ourselves in situations where we struggle to convey our thoughts, emotions, and needs effectively to others. Add in the conditioning from the job and communication at home becomes even more difficult. Developing effective communication skills is more than just words, active listening, and validating feelings. It’s understanding what is going on in our brains and why we do some of the things we do when we...2023-06-0959 min
Code4CouplesEncore: Eggshells and Living BIG Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells at home to avoid conflict in your first responder relationship? Your eggshells may grow and layer on top of each other until both people address the conflict AND the eggshells. We need to learn how to get past those eggshells and what your role and responsibility in creating that for your relationship can be. In Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong, she talks about living B.I.G. "What boundaries do I need to set and follow, to work and act from a place of integrity so that...2023-06-0234 min
Code4CouplesEp 108: Rebranding the Mindset of Self-CareA couple of episodes ago, I introduced you to wellness coach and law enforcement wife Katie Ouzounian with Episode 106: Are Values Driving Your Relationship? During one of our chats, she mentioned words to me that made me cringe. Self-care. Try telling an LEO spouse who is managing two to three kids, working full-time, has a spouse working undercover night shifts, investigation, or on call 24/7 that they need to “take time for themselves and practice self-care” Try telling an officer who is working their regular duties and picking up extra duty shifts to “take some time out.” This lifestyle is not cut o...2023-05-2658 min
Code4CouplesEp 107: Legacies Are Built at Home, Not at WorkAs a law enforcement officer or spouse, you know that trauma has the potential to impact you as a parent. When raising a child in this lifestyle you are aware that they will be impacted as well. However, when children are impacted, they can't always communicate or understand what's going on. Situations that may not impact us as adults with adult brains can impact children in greater ways or ways that we might not be aware of. Today, Chad Bruckner talks about his mission to help officers and law enforcement families understand how this lifestyle is impacting f...2023-05-1948 min
Code4CouplesEp 106: Are Values Driving your Relationship? You may have heard me talk about how if we don't pay attention, we can wind up off course in this lifestyle. The sacrifices that you make as an officer or as a spouse are more than just your time. We wind up slipping away from our values. Family is number one, yet there is so much time away from the family and when we are together, the impact from the job spills over and still keeps us disconnected. We want to get outdoors, but to our exhaustion, we just watch tv. We want to be adventuresome, but dealing...2023-05-1249 min
Code4CouplesEp 105: Surviving and Thriving through Retirement For years, my hubby and I thought and talked about what it would be like when we finally crossed the finish line into retirement. In fact, I had a countdown app on my phone that I started long ago that would tell me when the date would be when he would be eligible for retirement. We leaned on that a lot when we were tired, frustrated, or irritated about the job. I see posts of people saying, six more years, five more years, 12 more years. I also have couples that tell me in session about how much time they h...2023-05-0542 min
Code4CouplesEp 104: Let's talk treatment: Different approaches to PTSD Law enforcement and first responders are not destined to walk away with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are, however, more likely to struggle with PTSD than the general population. As a spouse, you may be impacted by a situation or an incident and struggle with trauma yourself. Or maybe you're concerned or worried about your officer as you see them continually impacted day in and day out. There is absolutely no reason for someone struggling with post-traumatic stress to suffer and continue to struggle. There are no honors or awards given for struggling in silence. Treatment fo...2023-04-2846 min
Code4CouplesEp 103: National Advocacy in Law Enforcement A couple of episodes ago, I gave you the first part of my interview with Kelli Lowe. We talked about how Kelli showed up as an advocate in her local community and department after the events of Ferguson occurred. She is also a national advocate for policing and goes to Washington DC with other wives to lobby for benefits and legislation to protect our officers and blue family. As spouses, we need to be aware of legislation on a national level that could affect our departments on a local level. Reading through political jargon to understand bills an...2023-04-211h 18
Code4CouplesEp 102: The Impact of a Critical Incident on SpousesBeing a new law enforcement spouse can be difficult. There can be feelings of apprehension and fear every time your partner walks out the door. Many times, it can leave spouses feeling like this wasn’t what they signed up for. Jen Gudat felt this exact way as her husband transitioned from being a reserve police officer for free on the weekends to a full-time officer with a metropolitan police department. There was an adjustment period for her family to adapt to shift work, missed family dinners, and school activities. Eventually, spouses get used to the impact of the ca...2023-04-1439 min
Code4CouplesEp 101: UnconqueredTrigger warning: before listening to this podcast or reading the show notes, please be aware that the content discussed involves sexual abuse and suicide. Adam is a former law enforcement officer and an FBI-trained hostage negotiator. He knows the challenges that law enforcement officers face in their careers and holding their relationships and personal lives together. He left law enforcement in 2015 and devoted his time to creating tools and resources to impact the minds and souls of law enforcement officers, spouses, and relationships. He has written several books to support law enforcement relationships and officers' minds as we...2023-04-071h 03
Code4CouplesEp 100: The 100th Episode!In episode 100 Cyndi reflects on the journey from 2017 with her first podcast to now. To celebrate this milestone, Cyndi’s husband, Bobby, interviews her and asks his questions as well as those submitted by the law enforcement community. Listen in to see if your question was answered! Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship2023-03-3151 min
Code4CouplesEp 99: Building ResiliencyWe've heard the common story of an officer-involved situation and the occupational stress injury that follows, which commonly leads to suffering in silence. This particular story diverges when a wife decided she'd had enough and threw a book at her husband. That moment woke up this officer to see the impact that he was having on his family and himself. It led to a singular decision that guided him on a journey of recovery and resilience, including authoring a book and starting a company with his wife to assist other officers and first responders. Today, Gary and Colette Benoit...2023-03-241h 01
Code4CouplesEp 98: Leading by Example When people are struggling, it's hard to ask for help. As an officer or spouse in law enforcement, we often think we need to be strong, which makes asking for help even harder. As officers climb the ranks, asking for assistance can be almost nonexistent. There tends to be a focus on making sure that those you supervise, or support are okay and ultimately, you put your emotions and feelings aside. As departments and the law enforcement community continue to admit that there are many struggles with mental health, there needs to be a shift in leadership to...2023-03-1758 min
Code4CouplesEp 97: How to Embrace Humanness as a CopThe impact of being exposed to the negative side of the world day in and day out takes a toll on law enforcement and their spouses. We become more cynical and push past emotions to be able to keep showing up. If you're a spouse, there is an expectation to put any fears aside and let them walk out the door. We can start to lose our humanness. That is exactly what happened to Scott Medlin. He now shares his story about the impact of his journey as an officer and how he, and you, can get your humanness...2023-03-1043 min
Code4CouplesEp 96: Community Advocacy in Law EnforcementKelli Lowe is a national speaker, advocate, and one of the first people that her local department calls during crisis situations. She is a valuable member of our blue family community for many reasons. Kelli serves as a Board member of the National Police Wives Association, and advocates nationwide for law enforcement. She is an LEO wife who has had a unique experience with the culture of law enforcement as a black woman. Through her advocacy and determination, she was able to influence and inspire the law enforcement community during the Ferguson events. 2023-03-0327 min
Code4CouplesEp 95: There's been an affair. Now what? You hear your spouse's phone ding, and you lean over just to catch the first couple of lines of the text message coming in. You unintentionally read it, but after you do, your heart stops. Your stomach sinks. You feel sick. You realize they've been unfaithful. Your world stops. Between shifts, stress, and sleep, connection can be challenging in law enforcement relationships. The challenge with connection can lead to problems with intimacy and sexual relationships. Affairs start as a slow slide and if you want to know more about what tha...2023-02-2445 min
Code4CouplesEp 94: Retirement Conversations for Couples As an officer or a spouse, there is a mutual agreement to make personal commitments and sacrifices when entering a career in law enforcement. Many couples do not realize the health risks or the emotional harm that could come with the job. When you add the social and political situation over the last several years, the impact of low recruiting numbers, and potential safety risks due to being short on shifts or required overtime, the impact is making many consider retirement. There are many different factors to consider when retiring or leaving law enforcement that many people do...2023-02-1752 min
Code4CouplesEp 93: Missed Connections in your Law Enforcement RelationshipLaw enforcement couples commonly have the problem of staying connected. It can be tough to make sure that relationships and connections stay strong enough to have passion, intimacy, and sexual activity in the bedroom. Both sides of the couple can feel like they're making efforts to stay connected and feel that those efforts aren't seen or they're not noticed by the other party. Sometimes it can feel like both people in the relationship are volleying the ball, but they are on different courts. They aren’t getting the serve volleyed back. Maybe their tennis rackets have holes. Heck...2023-02-1045 min
Code4CouplesEp 92: Erectile Dysfunction in Law EnforcementWhen our communication or connection breaks down, it can break down our sexual drive or our sexual connection with each other. When our sexual connection breaks down, it can also spill over and impact the rest of the relationship. It's difficult for us to talk about sex. Most couples don't have regular sexual conversations. When couples are so uncomfortable talking about sex with each other or other people, it winds up impacting their relationship. With the added struggles of stress, sleep, and trauma that law enforcement couples or first responder couples deal with, it can be difficult to be a...2023-02-0354 min
Code4CouplesEp 91: Self-Inflicted wounds with John KellyPolicing changes you. I was told early on that policing would change my husband, and that was just the way it was. His career would impact him and together, we would just have to accept that fact. It was like hearing that he had a permission slip to behave however he wanted because of policing. Are we both officers and spouses going to be impacted by policing? Of course. Does that mean we have to take it sitting down? No. We can make decisions to be aware of the impact and at any time start to self-direct our course...2023-01-2749 min
Code4CouplesEp 90: Relationship ResolutionsToward the end of December and the beginning of January, I approached my husband a couple of different times with New Year's resolution types of conversation. I mentioned 3-4 times that I wanted to talk about something regarding that idea. I was asking questions like “What’s your vision?” “Do you have any goals?” “What’s your word for the year?” and it was met with a flat response. My mom always used to tell me if you don't know where you are going, you will wind up where you have been. She taught me to set goals and I feel a little un...2023-01-2035 min
Code4CouplesEp 89: Fitness: Friend or Foe in your Relationship?As we start the new year, fitness, and “New year, New me” is a focus for many. We all know how important being physically fit is for officer safety, but how does exercising and meal prep fit into their limited off time? Does this impact their relationship with family? I’ve heard complaints from spouses about hyperfocus, how working out feels more important than family and takes time away, separate meal planning which contributes to the feeling of separation again, supplements, and tailoring of uniform shirts. I also know it is important for the physical and mental health of...2023-01-1343 min
Code4CouplesEp 88: Savings, Strategy and SafetyNick Daughtery realized that financial health is an officer safety issue.He is a retired Sergeant from the Grand Prairie Police Departmentand now owns and works for FinancialCop,the largest wellness training group in the country, as well as one of the largest law enforcement-owned and operated fiduciary-only financial planning firms.He teachesall over the country to helpofficers have financial health and wealth,2500 first responders from over 3000 agencies nationwide andcurrently has 136 classes booked in 17 states just this year alone. Today he talks with me about how savings, strategy and safety all relates to financial wellness in Law...2023-01-0645 min
Code4CouplesCode4Couples UpdateCyndi Doyle LPCS and LEO wife updates you with where she has been and what has been going on in her life. Part of the story involves her husband, Bobby Doyle, and she needed and wanted to extend some time to him until he was okay with sharing. She doesn't share all the details, but he agreed that he needs to share his story at some point in time and the impact it had on him. He's not ready yet, but he will at some point. What she does share is that he had a major medical issue tangentially...2022-12-0607 min
The Modern Therapist's Survival Guide with Curt Widhalm and Katie VernoyWhat Modern Therapists Should Know About Law Enforcement Mental Health: An Interview with Cyndi Doyle, LPCWhat Modern Therapists Should Know About Law Enforcement Mental Health: An Interview with Cyndi Doyle, LPCCurt and Katie interview Cyndi Doyle on the mental health of law enforcement officers. We look at how being a cop impacts their mental health as well as specific incidents and the chronic desensitization. We also explore the feelings in law enforcement related to calls to defund the police and how society views the cops. Content warning: potentially traumatic incidents (violence, death)Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com!An Interview with Cyndi Doyle...2022-10-1740 min
Code4CouplesEp 85: How to prepare and handle Extreme EventsWhat is an extreme event and how do you handle them when they occur? As schools have started the new school year, Uvalde has been on my mind. When Dr. Katherine Kuhlman offered to come on and talk about mass events, I moved to get her on the podcast. She has been speaking on national media outlets about these events and the impact on communities and law enforcement. It's possible that this one may be triggering. Today, Katie discusses the impact of these events on law enforcement families and how to move through them successfully. 2022-09-0940 min
Street Cop PodcastEpisode 672: Recognizing and Correcting "Spillover" with Cyndi DoyleOn today's episode, Dennis speaks with Licensed Professional Counselor and Author, Cyndi Doyle about navigating relationships for couples in law enforcement. Cyndi also speaks about the negative effects of "Spillover", what it is and how to correct it as well as overcoming fear and showing up 100% for your spouse. You can also learn more in her book "Hold the Line".
Purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship/dp/0578828820 or holdthelinebook.com
Visit Code4Couples here: https://www.code4couples.com/podcasts
If you like what you are hearing and want to...2022-08-0151 minStreet Cop PodcastEpisode 661: Resiliency in Relationships with Cyndi DoyleOn today's episode, Dennis speaks with Licensed Professional Counselor and Author, Cyndi Doyle about how to navigate relationships for couples in law enforcement. Cyndi speaks about the importance of being authentic, vulnerable and open in order to have a successful and healthy relationship. You can also learn more in her book "Hold the Line".
Purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship/dp/0578828820 or holdthelinebook.com
Visit Code4Couples here: https://www.code4couples.com/podcasts
If you like what you are hearing and want to stay in the loop with the...2022-07-1358 min
The Off Duty Podcast - Law EnforcementBonus EP - Infidelity In Law Enforcement - Cyndi DoyleThis is a bonus episode, a portion of my VIP membership episode, which featured Cyndi Doyle, a licensed therapist, LEOW and previous guest. Cyndi was part of episode 88 of the regular podcast.I asked Cyndi to join on this episode to talk about infidelity in law enforcement. This was a FANTASTIC conversation on this topic!ABOUT CYNDI DOYAL:Founder/Host of Code4CouplesAuthor of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement RelationshipNational & Keynote SpeakerLEO wifeFOLLOW CYNDI DOYLE:InstagramLinkedInWebsite============================Become a VIP:M...2022-06-0218 min
the BREAKING BADGE showEpisode 21: Licensed Relationship Therapist Cyndi DoyleChad and Ryan interview licensed therapist, first responder relationship expert and police wife Cyndi Doyle.
ABOUT YOUR GUEST: Cyndi Doyle is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor in Texas and a Nationally Board-Certified Counselor (NCC). Cyndi embodies the motto Show Up, Be Seen, Live Brave™ by continually stepping outside her zone of comfort. Cyndi has become a recognized speaker, podcaster, author, and recognized internationally as an expert in her niche. Cyndi is known for her educational and entertaining presentation style to both first responders and mental health professionals. She has spoken at a wide variety of local and statew...2022-05-171h 06
Code4CouplesEp 84: Crusty Curmudgeon to CourageCurmudgeon: a bad tempered person, especially an old person. This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Lt. Bobby Doyle (Ret.) where Bobby admits he is a recovering curmudgeon. Bobby shares his story of why he needed to make a change. His old school mindset needed to shift into one based off the needs of the younger generation of officers as well as the impact the curmudgeon had on his marriage. Bobby offers solutions on finding the joys in life after witnessing the bad and evil around him by taking his emotional armor off when appropriate. F...2022-05-1332 min
Code4CouplesEp. 83: The impact of authoritarian spillover. (Featuring my husband!)Behaviors that keep officers safe of the job can have negative impact on relationships with those they love. The command presence that officers must have on the job is conditioned and can occur at home in certain situations. This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Bobby (ret). They share not only information about how authoritarian spillover presents at home but how, why, and the impact in their own relationship. Cyndi and Bobby offer several solutions so you can negate the impact in your own relationship. Cyndi is a lice...2022-05-0650 min
Code4CouplesEp 82: How to be a parent and not a cop at home with Lynn McLean, LCSWS, RPTSParenting is hard. It can be even harder when you are trying to parent in a Law Enforcement Family. Our officer's brain needs time to come down from the hypervigilance high that keeps them safe on the job. Their authoritarian mindset that keeps a scene under control during shift needs to shift to one that is condusive to a parenting approach. During today's episode, I have brought on Lynn McLean to help us understand how officers can have better relationships with their kids, understand the impact of the reactions, and help both parent’s approach those frustrating situations differently. Learntoparent.net2022-04-2937 minCode4CouplesEncore: Shut Out or Shut Down CommunicationCyndi Doyle, LPCS and LEO Wife talks about issues that impact law enforcement relationship issues. This week is an encore episode of Shut Out and Shut Down Communication. Learn what causes the communication pattern and how to address it in your law enforcement relationship. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Your Law Enforcement Relationship (Click here to buy) Free Workbook click here IG: code4couples For speaking or training click here2022-04-2228 minCode4CouplesEp 81: Supporting others through Grief in Law EnforcementWe experience different types of grief as law enforcement couples, including the grief of the life we may have dreamed such as having dinner and holidays together. You may be grieving the support of a community or safety you once felt. You may be also grieving the death of an officer you know personally or in the community. For that reason, I have brought on Jill Johnson- Young, the grief guru. Jill is a LCSW, former hospice and child welfare worker that has worked very closely with law enforcement officers. Professionally and personally, Jill has seen grief firsthand. In this...2022-04-1548 minCode4CouplesEp. 80: 5 Easy Communication HacksCommunication can be difficult when you never see each other, deal with hypervigilance, and stress. Cyndi give you 5 easy communication hacks to keep you connected through the ups and downs. Be sure to check out the free download at holdthelinebook.com Check out other episodes at code4couples.com Pick up the book Hold the Line on Amazon or any online retailer. 2022-04-0839 min