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Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Levite and His ConcubineMariah's back, y'all! Which means the unfortunate dismantlement of the Boys' Club from last episode....This week, we cover the first part of the last story in The Book of Judges.*Trigger warning for SA and graphic violence, which Dan will give a heads up about during the ep*Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers2025-03-2657 minBible Stories for BlasphemersSeason 1 RetrospectiveOops, all boys this ep!Camp counselor Mariah unfortunately couldn't be on this record, so instead of our regular format, join us for a special episode where Dan and Everett reflect on the topics of season 1 in their (totally up to code) treehouse!Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane." Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail...2025-01-0858 minBible Stories for BlasphemersIdle IdolsHappy upload day, blasphemers!This week we introduce Micah, one of the last judges! Also explore topics of idols, and live-in priests! And in this week's Pop Corner, camp counselor Dan tells us all about the pagan god Pan! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-12-1156 minBible Stories for BlasphemersSamson & DelilahHowdy folks!An eye for an eye sure does make the whole world blind. And that proverb couldn't be proven more true than in this episode where Samson gets crossed and things get wild! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-11-271h 10Bible Stories for BlasphemersOut of the Eater Came Something to EatHello, dear listeners!This week we introduce characters Samson and Delilah, get some child rearing advice from an angel, and see some Captain America level log (lion) ripping! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-11-131h 08Bible Stories for BlasphemersLesbians Are ImmortalHello blasphemers! In this episode we look into the life and times of another judge named Jephthah.And also come across what may be the bible's first gay character?? Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-10-3053 minBible Stories for BlasphemersDivine RightHello Blasphemers!Apologies for the late upload on this episode. The next episode will be up Wednesday 10/30 per the usual schedule.In this episode, we dive into Chapter 9 of the Book of Judges! Abimelech, son of Gideon, isn't so humble as his father, and craves power of his own. Will he attain it? Listen to find out!Also in this week's Pop Corner, it's all about Lord of the Rings, baby! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-10-181h 19Bible Stories for BlasphemersMarch of the 300Happy Episode Day, blasphemers!This week, Dan regales us the tale of Gideon's 300 and their pursuit of Zebah, Zalmunna and their 15,000 Midianites.Also in this week's Computer Room segment, Everett the Engineer talks with our hosts about the link between Neopets and the church of Scientology! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-09-1157 minBible Stories for BlasphemersAn Army of Various ItesGather round Campers, 'cause your fave bible camp counselors are back! Dan managed to break his wrist just after recording this, so we had to take a short break, but now it's time to get back to REAL business: Bible. In this one we teach you survival skills you'll take with you for the rest of your life. Such as... the best methods in which to drink water from a river; How to terrify your enemies using the awesome sonic power of a bunch of trumpets; How to ensure God is Bread. This one's a MUST LISTEN, kids, since...2024-08-2159 minBible Stories for BlasphemersHe Did the DewDia duit, heathens! Camp Counselor Mariah is back from Ireland, so go ahead and help yourself to your favorite non-bigoted pickle chicken and settle in for another installment of The Bible! This week Dan teaches us about a Judge called Gideon. He’s a skeptic icon and almost certainly was the first guy to ever Science. You can’t prove he wasn’t. Then be sure to stick around for the second half of the show where we climb into the Travel Trailer and Mariah shares her time visiting some megalithic era spiritual sites in Ireland. For photos...2024-07-3154 minBible Stories for BlasphemersDamn, Deborah.*in the voice of Julie Andrews*Dearest Gentle Listener,Now, you didn't think we'd forgotten to maintain our ongoing commitment to providing you Patreon content content, did you? Well, worry not little lamb, your shepherds haven't forgotten you. In this episode you can look forward to such delights as thus, as well as the story of the only female judge in the Book of Judges. This is the story of Deborah, of course. Do not underestimate this gentlelady, for she and her bestie Jael deliver the fuck out of Israel in the most horrid of manners...2024-07-1754 minBible Stories for BlasphemersEvil World PeaceBlessings upon all ye blasphemers, for we are back from summer vacation!!! This is one of the BEST Bible stories we've gotten to cover so far as we continue in the Book of Judges with the stories of Othniel, Ehud, and also Shamgar was there. Most of the time we focus on the story of Ehud and his diabolical scheming, and how he secures victory for Israel. In the pop corner we talk about the origins of the phrase 'familiarity breeds contempt', as well as the Antique Roadshow. And keep an ear out for an extra refreshing treat in...2024-07-0456 minBible Stories for BlasphemersDividing and also maybe ConqueringHappy Bible! We've finally said goodbye to Joshua and are entering our Biblical Folk Hero Era. With no successor named by Joshua, the nation of Israel continues on without a conduit to God. A generation has passed and it turns out God's not really popular anymore. And so God didn't take that well . He essentially sees Israel as though it is his adult son who just said that he's not going to go college... and also is hanging out with high school dropouts and starting an Only Fans. So, naturally, God did what must be done by all g...2024-06-051h 10Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Tortured Pastors DepartmentWelcome to church sweet flock! This week Youth Pastor Dan (YPD) tells us the story of Joshua again..but faster this time. Think of it like the notes someone gave you about the key takeaways of the reading assignment. There's some extra flavor that's added along the way, but this ep rounds off the Book of Joshua as he dies at the age of 110, naming no successor. Then in the Pop Corner, we visit the Music Room to gush about and dissect the newest Taylor Swift Album (The Tortured Poets Department). We do a deep dive into the religious...2024-05-221h 10Bible Stories for BlasphemersA Christian EnsembleHello again to all our precious Blasphemers! This week we learn about a very interesting event that could only be explained by a divine act…. Sort of. Joshua commands the sun to stand still, which helps them while they save Gibeon (which they have to do because of their tricksy covenant.) Then after a short detour, we head back to the Music Room. Everett comes to the table with analysis of the lyrics written by the band Knocked Loose. Before you go, everyone say hi to Dan who will be summoned to the app by this post due to his...2024-05-0857 minBible Stories for BlasphemersOn GodHappy Episode day, blasphemers!! This week Dan teaches us about how the Gibeonites made the diabolical choice to deceive the Israelites in order to secure their protection against being slaughtered… the audacity!!! After that, in the pop corner, our conversation resembles a bouncy ball set loose in a long linoleum hallway. Also some spoilers as we plan content for our forthcoming Patreon page which totally for sure definitely really is going to exist. Enjoy ;) Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-04-2355 minBible Stories for BlasphemersStranger Among ThemBlessed hump day congregation! In this week’s installment of The Bible, our valiant heroes raze the city of Ai, leaving no survivors. They then immortalize its king forever in what can only be described as… gross. And then in the Pop Corner aka Music Room, in celebration of Dan’s many achievements, Mariah reads to him the lyrics of Dysphoria Hoodie by Laura Jane Grace. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-04-0949 minBible Stories for BlasphemersThe Promised Land (God's Version)Blessed Wednesday to all of God's monsters... but especially you, dear listener. We have an inspirational story in store for you this week. All about the conquest of the city of Ai, and also a quick detour to discuss the stoning of Achan. Doesn't that sound lovely? In the pop corner, Mariah and Dan gush about grammy winners and parasocial-besties of the pod, boygenius. And, of course, Mariah celebrates the new Taylor Swift album announcement. Go ahead and settle in and make yourself a hot beverage while you listen this week, folks. You deserve it. Follow & DM u...2024-03-2751 minBible Stories for Blasphemersthe Foreskin AwakensAnd it came to pass that a new episode was released! Behold! We're back again this week with the second mass circumcision event of the Old Testament. Just before invading Jericho, Joshua realizes he and his army must NOT forget to get rid of that cumbersome foreskin. Then, in the Pop Corner, we discuss the Veggie Tales episode titled "Josh and the Big Wall - A Lesson in Obedience", and the challenges of being a proverbs 31 woman. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-03-1347 minBible Stories for BlasphemersGod Math - on Calvinism (feat. Henry Rogland)This week instead of your regularly scheduled sermon, we have a Very Special Episode featuring the Disclaimer Voice himself… that’s right kids, we’ve got Henry Rogland in the pulpit this week!! Henry joins us to discuss his experience growing up in Calvinism, the concept of T.U.L.I.P., and the Classic Christian School education. Basically it’s a generous helping of shame, a delightful little acronym that appeals to the youth of today, and waaaay too much homework. This one’s a doozy y’all, so pick a poem to memorize and get ready to start a fight...2024-02-212h 10Bible Stories for BlasphemersFolie á DeuxThis week we dive into The Book of Joshua, involving Rahab's deal with the Israel spies sent to Jericho. More importantly, however, we provide our in depth analysis of the VeggieTales episode entitled Josh and The Big Wall: A Lesson in Obedience. Don't miss it. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-02-0756 minBible Stories for BlasphemersWe Have Risen (Welcome to Season Two!)BEHOLD, the miracle of resurrection!!! We are BACK, with a new editor, and unholier than ever! And rather than a bible story this week, we touch on Mariah's upbringing in Scientology, and Dan's pre-college education at a Creationist school. Don't forget to email or DM us your questions about Scientology for our future Q&A episode, and also PLEASE tell us about your brushes with cults & religion. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-01-2453 minBible Stories for BlasphemersDrunk With BloodThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, it's... "Previously, in The Bible" in this Dragon Ball Z-esque pseudo-recap episode in which Dan recounts the Book of Deuteronomy. So grab your salt, get in your Impala, queue up "Carry On My Wayward Son", and join us. Also: Remember to send us your Scientology questions & strange religious encounters! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2024-01-2459 minBible Stories for BlasphemersAn Unwelcome TwistThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: we're done with the book of Numbers! Couldn't get through it without a few war crimes there at the end. Then in the Pop Corner, we go on a long and spoiler-full review of Knock at the Cabin, which (spoilers) we have some REAL bones to pick about. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-04-121h 08Bible Stories for BlasphemersMoses is a SimpThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers: GETTING THROUGH THE NUMBERS. There's a lot of names and laws in here folks, but don't worry, we have opinions to add to them, and Mariah has just found out that God eats food. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the DEEPLY important new Hozier EP, Eat Your Young. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-03-301h 06Bible Stories for BlasphemersReligious Calisthenics (INTERVIEW WITH OUR HOT CATHOLIC FRIEND)This week it's a special episode for everyone in the flock! We talk to the infamous Robin, our hot Catholic friend! We cover her religious upbringing in Catholicism, and cover her journey to realizing why she didn't believe it anymore. We also dive into Mariah's many, many, many questions, including but not limited to: "What can and can't you give up for Lent?" ; "What's with the obsession with Jesus's corpse?"; "Have you seen the flower sex scene with Josh Hartnett in that one movie where he gives up sex for Lent?" Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4bla...2023-03-151h 11Bible Stories for BlasphemersSomeone's Got to Go to PrisonWelcome to Wednesday Youth Group! Will Dan manage to tell the story in a reasonable amount of time while navigating Mariah's tangents, jokes, and questions?? Who's going to prison??? And, most importantly: what rooms will be added on to the Podcast House????? Find out in this week's episode of Bible Stories for Blasphemers! Part of a complete breakfast. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-03-011h 04Bible Stories for BlasphemersA Very Intimate Encounter with GodThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, Balaam makes a bunch of prophecies, and we go off on a bunch of weird tangents. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss two deeply uncomfortable religious Superbowl commercials. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-02-221h 20Bible Stories for BlasphemersDONKEY: OriginsWe got a big juicy one for y'all this week, kiddos! Strap into your high chair, put on your bib, and get ready to dig in to the delicious nonsense that is Number of Numbers, Two of Twos. For dessert we have a Pop Corner in which we explore and expand on our podcast house using our feelings. Don't miss it. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-02-151h 18Bible Stories for BlasphemersSnakes on a PoleThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, we talk about two stories: one where Moses hits a rock, and one where Moses deals with some snakes. Then in the Pop Corner, we discuss the most meta TV show that we've ever seen. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-02-0850 minBible Stories for BlasphemersDelicious Humans!Gather round dear flock, as youth pastor Dan spills all the tea of the one Bible story They don't want you to know about, and Mariah's hopes of becoming a Christian convert are dashed. Talking points include Jared from twitter, the Golden Globes, and Jerrod Carmichael's latest joke. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-02-0156 minBible Stories for BlasphemersGender Your BiblesThis week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, we return shamefully from many time-based errors with a chronologically-inaccurate episode. Then in the Pop Corner - wait, it's the Science Section this week? Okay, a lot has changed. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-01-251h 08Bible Stories for BlasphemersNew Year Special EpisodeHeeey, remember us?? Your favorite bible camp counselors are back! Check out this special episode where Dan shares their research on how humans across the world have celebrated the new year over time. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2023-01-021h 19Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Legend of Nulam (Numbers Preamble)This week on Bible Stories for Blasphemers, Dan talks about something in the Bible to do with numbers - a concept Mariah thought Dan would have learned a long time ago. Then in the Pop Corner, a HUGE BREAKING NEWS UPDATE and then Mariah discusses a rogue-like life sim video game she's been playing called Cult of the Lamb. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-09-011h 00Bible Stories for Blasphemers15 LizardsThis week, Dan tells the entirety of the Book of Leviticus. We learn about how if you try to do something nice for God but he doesn't like it, you'll probably get smited to shit. Also, Mariah teaches Dan about the origin of the human species. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-08-171h 00Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Exodus from ExodusIn this week's slightly depressing episode, we finally learn the epic conclusion of Exodus. Dan tells Mariah more details about the Arc of the Covenant, God tries to abandon the Israelites but instead tells them to kill everyone, and Moses becomes shiny.If you can, please donate to the legal fund to hold the SPU board accountable: https://gofund.me/f8ef3398 Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-08-031h 11Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Gang Starts a New ReligionThis week, Dan explains to Mariah the absolutely chaos and frivolity had by the nation of Israel while Moses was on Mount Sinai. Did the Hebrews betray God to start a new bovine religion? Did Aaron indirectly cause the deaths of thousands of his own people because of peer pressure? Who are we to judge? And honestly, God, what did you expect? Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-07-271h 05Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Sleepy EpisodeThis week, Dan is very tired. We talk about God's commandments for how to live, and about a very spooky and intimidating angel. Then, in the pop corner, we discuss Christian schools and, in particular, the sit-in protest at Seattle Pacific University. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-07-061h 00Bible Stories for BlasphemersDan and Mariah Learn About VolcanoesSorry this one's late, folks! This week we tell the story of the ten commandments, and get extremely sidetracked due to our mutual lack of a science education. Then, in the pop corner, we discuss the new comedy special "Rothaniel." Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-06-151h 09Bible Stories for BlasphemersGirls Against God (the episode)This week, on a tight time crunch, we tell the story of bread falling from heaven and Moses having a very tiring day for his arms. Then, in the pop corner, we talk about Bible jokes and the new Florence & the Machine album. Find us on Twitter @BS4Blasphemers, or email us your Bible questions and corrections at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com.You can also find Dan on Twitter @DanRogland or on Patreon at patreon.com/danrogland.Special thanks for @HenryRogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With S...2022-05-2551 minBible Stories for BlasphemersWe Hate the Tickle ManEgypt escape! This week we tell the story of Moses parting the Red Sea. Then, in the pop corner, we discuss why there are so many fundamentalist Christians falling for conspiracy theories. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-05-181h 06Bible Stories for BlasphemersNews from the Sapphic FrontIn this episode, we talk about the Passover story, and also deeply appreciate girls. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-05-131h 05Bible Stories for BlasphemersI Will Smite Your Territory with FrogsWe continue the story of Moses and cover the first several plagues sent to Egypt, while navigating through several unrelated tangents. Then, in the pop corner, we talk about "sword drills," devotionals, and introduce Mariah to the concept of a study Bible. This episode includes shout-outs to Dan's D&D podcast, Dial M for Magic, and to one of Mariah's favorite podcasts, Dear Internet! Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-04-271h 08Bible Stories for BlasphemersThe Law of Equivalent Exchange, but for GodDan continues the story of Moses and how he tried to get the pharaoh to Let His People Go. Also, Mariah becomes a Christian and invents a new branch of Christianity??? Finally, in the pop corner we discuss the tv show Severance, and why it is that the Bible is so dang useful against vampires and ghosts. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-04-201h 08Bible Stories for BlasphemersMuch Ado About a Sharp RockWe continue the story of Moses, who has an encounter with a burning bush and is chosen by God, who almost immediately turns around and tries to murder him. Then, in the Pop Corner, Mariah asks Dan to elaborate on the different types of Christian education, and we go off on a tangent about cults and the difficulty of leaving them. Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemersSend us an email at biblestoriesforblasphemers@gmail.com2022-04-141h 10