Shows
Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 7 Episode 2: 7 Years of Partnership: Survivor Leadership, Systems Change & What Comes NextWhat happens when David turns the tables on Ruth and interviews her—seven years into their shared body of work?In this special anniversary episode, David marks seven years since Ruth joined the Safe & Together Institute by stepping into the interviewer role. This is a founder-level conversation about vision, values, the hard work of scaling, and how systems actually change when lived experience is treated as critical professional expertise—not an add-on.Ruth traces her journey from working with medical practitioners to helping transform Safe & Together from a training organization into a systems-change engi...
2026-01-171h 12Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 23: Being Seen at 60: A Birthday Conversation About Vocation, Violence & HopeRain on the windows, a century-old clock in the kitchen, and a plate of bacon by the coffee set: David’s 60th birthday set the scene for a raw, open conversation about vocation, love, and the future of domestic violence–informed systems. We pause to reflect on 40 years of David’s practice and what it means to be truly witnessed. Then we get specific about how to build safer families by changing how professionals see, measure, and respond to harm.We dig into a strengths-first approach that starts with what’s going right and why that’s not soft—i...
2025-12-1941 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 21: David Challen on How Growing Up with Coercive Control Warps Childhood and ManhoodThe house looks perfect from the street—until you step inside and feel the air shift. We sit with survivor, campaigner, and author David Challen to trace the shape of coercive control through a child’s eyes: a mother’s world shrinking, a father’s rules governing every room, and a son trying to earn love by molding himself to a script that never fit. This is not a tidy true-crime arc. It’s the long echo of control on identity, mental health, and the stories boys are told about how to be men.David unpacks how “small” acts—...
2025-12-0854 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 14: Violent Crime & Religion: How Religious Teachings Are Used as Justification for Child AbuseReligious teachings wield profound influence over family dynamics and human behaviors, sometimes enabling abuse under the guise of spiritual teachings and guidance. This raw and revealing conversation confronts the troubling legacy of religious parenting methodologies that promote violence, rights removal, and coercive control rather than nurturing safe, consensual connection.Ruth shares her personal experience growing up under the influence of James Dobson's parenting teachings, exposing how these "Christian" parenting strategies actually originated from eugenicist theories of the 1930s. David and Ruth dissect how these methodologies create detailed systems for child abuse by advocating for escalating physical punishment...
2025-08-2331 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 5: Coercive Control and Children 2025: Conference Insights from MelbourneDavid Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel share highlights from the 2025 Safe & Together Asia Pacific Coercive Control and Children's Conference in Melbourne, Australia. Listen in as they reflect on key moments and the impact of bringing together over 400 practitioners from across the region. Here are some of the highlights: • Commitment to equity through a hybrid format that allowed participation from remote locations despite the technical and financial challenges• First-ever family law track showcasing four years of work with the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia• Launch of e-learning resources for independent Children's Lawyers that will reach o...
2025-04-0929 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 2: Coercive Control and ChildrenIn this episode, David and Ruth explore why coercive control must be at the center of how we understand the impact of domestic abuse on children. Moving beyond just focusing on physical violence or whether children "witnessed" abuse, they discuss how perpetrators' patterns of behavior can devastate children's wellbeing in multiple ways.David and Ruth examine how coercive control by perpetrators can rob children of vital resources including economic stability, healthcare, education, family connections, and safety. They discuss how these patterns intersect with systemic oppression and vulnerabilities, creating additional layers of harm that perpetrators exploit....
2025-01-2643 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 6 Episode 1: "Just Leave": Examining Displacement-Based Responses to Domestic ViolenceIn this thought-provoking first episode of 2025, David and Ruth explore how displacement-based responses to domestic violence reflect and reinforce gender double standards while often creating additional vulnerabilities for survivors and their children. Recording from the Azores, they examine how the expectation that victims must leave their homes to find safety places unfair burdens on survivors while failing to hold perpetrators accountable.Key discussion points include:How displacement-based responses arose historically when women had limited legal and economic rightsWhy forcing survivors to leave their homes, financial assets, and support networks creates new vulnerabilitiesHow displacement can enable post-separation...
2025-01-0234 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 13: Coercive Control & Children Conference Podcast: The Role of Language in Global Responses to Domestic AbuseWhat if understanding power dynamics could transform the way we approach domestic abuse and trauma? Join us for this special live recording of the Partner with a Survivor podcast, where we invite you to explore the delicate intricacies of relationships alongside hosts David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel from the Safe & Together Institute.Ruth, known for her “cranky survivor” persona, opens up about how this unique character serves as both a personal expression and a strategic response to the challenges faced by victim-survivors when dealing with institutional behaviors and professional biases. Together, we navigate the critical importance of e...
2024-12-1941 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 12: Challenging the Gospel of Sacrifice: Faith, Domestic Abuse & Institutional TransformationWhat if the institutions we turn to for solace are also the ones trapping us in cycles of harm? That’s the challenging reality we confront in our latest episode featuring Reverend Geneece Goertzen, affectionately known as Rev. Gen. A survivor of domestic violence herself, Rev. Gen brings a deeply personal perspective to the table, sharing insights from her book Taking it Seriously: A Faith Leader’s Guide to Domestic Violence. Her story is not just one of survival but also transformation as she navigates the complex role of religious institutions in both supporting and, at times, failing their comm...
2024-12-1956 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 10: Beyond Presence: Redefining Responsible Fatherhood in a Domestic Abuse–Informed WorldIn this thought-provoking episode, David and Ruth explore the nuanced intersection of father engagement and domestic abuse–informed practice with Chris Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). Their conversation examines how we can thoughtfully promote father involvement while maintaining high standards for men as parents, disrupting gender double standards, and keeping the safety and long-term well-being of children at the center.Key topics include:The historical context behind NFI’s founding and evolution of fatherhood programsExamining father absence through a domestic abuse–informed lensBalancing father engagement with survivor safety and well-beingThe importance of holding perpet...
2024-10-231h 02Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 9: Partnering vs. Practicing: The Hidden Bias in Professional Crisis WorkJoin us from San Miguel, Azores, Ruth’s paternal ancestral home, as David and Ruth take a hard look at how performance metrics, KPIs, and ideas of “professionalism” can quietly reinforce bias, distance us from survivors, and reward procedural compliance over real-world impact.We explore what it means to measure what actually matters—not just outputs, paperwork, or policy adherence, but survivor partnership, meaningful engagement, and changes that genuinely increase safety, dignity, and choice.Together, we unpack how institutional metrics can unintentionally reproduce power imbalances, how professional norms can become barriers to authentic connecti...
2024-10-2250 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 8: The Myth of the Domestic Violence IncidentIn this episode, David and Ruth speak about the “Myth of the Domestic Violence Incident” chapter of David's recently published book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform The Way We Keep Children Safe From Domestic Violence. They discuss how an isolated incident lens:Focuses systems interventions and professional responses on isolated acts of physical violence rather than on patterns of violence and coercive control, which blinds professionals and systems to the wider dangers created to adult and child survivors by a perpetrator Makes it harder to see the loss of liberty and en...
2024-07-2935 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 7: Childhood Domestic Violence Exposure Is “Pivotal”: An Interview with Professor Daryl HigginsThe recently published, groundbreaking, population-based study of child maltreatment in Australia found exposure to domestic violence is the most common form of maltreatment (39.6%). In this interview with Professor Daryl Higgins, one of the study’s chief investigators, David and Ruth discuss the domestic violence–specific results, including how they intersect with other forms of maltreatment and other adverse experiences to produce health and other challenges in adults. Some of the key results discussed include:What was learned about childhood maltreatment, and its connection to health outcomes in adults, in this study of 8,500 Australians How domestic violence is pre...
2024-07-231h 14Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 6: This Work Is Sacred: An Interview with Beth Ann MorhardtPartnering with survivors is a sacred act. Listening to survivors, hearing their stories, and working with them as equals is uplifting for practitioners and their clients. In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Beth Ann Morhardt, one of the first domestic violence consultants trained in the Safe & Together Model, about the spiritual aspects of the work with families. The interview starts with a discussion of Beth Ann and David’s long history of professional collaboration, starting with her work using the Safe & Together Model with child protection. Drawing on thos...
2024-06-051h 02Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 5: A Trauma History Is Not an Excuse for Acting AbusivelyIn this episode, David and Ruth have an intimate discussion about how we can be emotionally and behaviorally responsible even when we have been trained into fear and reactivity through violence and abuse. David and Ruth discuss:How we need to drop binary definitions in order to prevent abusers from using their history of trauma as an excuse for current behaviors of coercive control and violence. The importance of unlearning reactive behaviors that we came by “honestly” through trauma.The importance of considering context, patterns of behavior, and impacts on functioning as part of the conversations about...
2024-05-2037 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 4: Unveiling the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children: Beyond the Myth of the Child WitnessDiscover the hard truths about the impact of domestic violence on children as David and Ruth discuss the “Myth of the Child Witness” chapter from David’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. By listening to this episode, you’ll come away with a deeper understanding and a sense of urgency to shift the way society responds to young survivors. Listen as Ruth and David pull back the curtain on the often-invisible effects of witnessing abuse and how these experiences shape the lives of children far beyond w...
2024-04-1650 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 3: An Introduction to David Mandel’s book “Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers”In this episode, Ruth and David start with a roundup of their March 2024 trip to Australia and New Zealand—with highlights from the 7th annual Safe & Together Model Asia Pacific Conference and its focus on work with First Nation peoples, feedback from podcast listeners, and an update on how the Model is transforming the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia.Then Ruth and David pivot to discuss the ideas behind David’s first book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. David talks about how the...
2024-04-0246 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 2: Women’s Use of Force in Intimate Relationships: An Interview with Lisa Young LaranceBoth men and women can be violent and controlling. In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, Ruth and David speak with international expert Lisa Young Larance about her research and clinical practice related to women’s use of force in intimate relationships. In the conversation, Lisa highlights the importance of context and intersectionalities in any analysis of women’s use of force in intimate relationships.In recounting her work, Lisa shares:The importance of a behavioral and lifespan lens when understanding the use of force in intimate relationshipsHow practitioners need to remain curious about the spec...
2024-02-1859 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 5 Episode 1: Sexual and Domestic Violence In the MilitarySexual and domestic violence in the military challenges recruitment, retention, team cohesion, operational readiness, security, and organizational health. Yet, most militaries around the world are still struggling to effectively address these problems. Gaps in the response harm military families and allow the destruction of the careers and health of survivors. The Safe & Together Institute, through its work with the UK Ministry of Defence, has seen the positive impact of domestic abuse–informed practice in this area.In this episode, David and Ruth speak with Amy Braley Frank, founder of Never Alone Soldiers, and Joanna, a survivor who now...
2024-02-1156 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 12: Research That Puts Survivors at the CenterHistorically, research hasn’t always involved or benefited the population being studied. Dr. Elizabeth Dalgarno, the director and founder of the SHERA Research Group, is a staunch advocate of research that is undertaken by and with the people it concerns rather than “on” them. In this far-ranging interview, Ruth, David, and Dr. Dalgarno discuss: SHERA’s research into health effects on survivors of their family court involvement in Brazil and England (spoiler alert: The negative health effects of family court involvement for domestic abuse survivors is significant!) What practitioners can do differently within the current context of family la...
2023-12-0949 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 11: Human Resources Policy & Domestic Violence: Creating a Domestic Violence–Informed OrganizationConsider this…Domestic violence represents 27% of violent events in the workplace22% of victims required 31 or more days away from work to recover22% of victims missed 3–5 days of work56% of victims arrived late at least 5x/month65% of companies do not have domestic violence policyThese statistics only represent a fraction of the picture of how domestic violence perpetrators impact their partner’s employment but also how they impact employers and the overall workplace environment. In addition to the impact on the survivor’s employment (poor performance, lateness, absenteeism, loss of income, loss of career advancement), employers face worker a...
2023-12-0553 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 10: Ensuring the Voice of the Child Is Heard and Child’s Best Interests Are Considered in Domestic Abuse Cases: How the Safe & Together Model Helps Promote the Rights of ChildrenAre children domestic violence victims in their own right? Are they co-victims with the adult survivor? What is the relationship between the child and the adult survivors’ experiences?How do we hold domestic violence perpetrators accountable in their role as parents? How do we consider the child’s relationship to the perpetrator in decisions related to them? How do we make sure both adult and child survivors receive the support they need and deserve? How do we consider the best interests of child survivors as we craft our policy and practice response to domestic violence? How do we ensure that child surv...
2023-11-1852 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 9: The Last Drop Film: A Revolutionary New Tool for Professionals Working with Young People Around Coercive ControlThe problem of dating violence and coercive control among young people has been sorely overlooked, and educational resources are hard to find. In order to make coercive control visible to youth and to fill a gap in professional education materials and intervention strategies for young people, we have partnered with the revolutionary new abuse prevention film The Last Drop. In this episode, Ruth and David chat with Adam Joel, the writer and director of the film. In this interview, David, Ruth, and Adam speak about:How this film came to be, how a diverse group of Li...
2023-11-0135 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 8: “Heart Healing”: An Interview with Mibbinbah’s Lisa and Jack BulmanIn this episode, Ruth and David speak with Lisa and Jack Bulman of Mibbinbah Spirit Healing about their work in the community to facilitate healing from intergenerational trauma, support healthy relationship connections, and strengthen the well-being of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men and families. Mibbinbah uses a “whole of communities” approach, which brings men and women together to heal in the community.Jack and Lisa talk about the heart-healing work they do within Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities to strengthen & support their families after generations of colonization, which created family separation, violence, and abuse. The...
2023-10-1859 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 7: Survivors Are Better Parents Than Most People Think (Even Survivors Themselves)In this episode, David and Ruth talk about why the Safe & Together Institute focuses on survivor protective capacities and some of the research behind this approach. While assessments of harm and risk and trauma frameworks are important, these approaches highlight danger and pathologies, and, while necessary, they are not sufficient enough for true collaboration and partnering with survivors.In a world where there are gender double standards related to parenting (e.g., higher standards for women as parents than for men), it is essential that we don’t just focus on harm but also on survivors’ protective effo...
2023-07-0653 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 6: "The Professional Part of Me Is Not Separated from the Personal": An Interview with Nneka MacGregorSurvivors who are professionals can live in fear that if they share their experience in the workplace, they will be dismissed and disregarded. In this episode, Ruth and David speak with Nneka MacGregor, founder and executive director of WomenatthecentrE, about the need to transform our systems so that professionals who are survivors can safely share their experience to strengthen the response of systems to gender-based violence. Nneka shares her journey as a survivor and a professional, including how attempts by those in the domestic violence field to silence her made her even more committed to speaking out. S...
2023-06-261h 16Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 5: An interview with Caring Dads co-creator Dr. Katreena ScottThere are few intervention programs for fathers who use violence as part of their parenting. In this episode, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the work that needs to happen with violent fathers with Dr. Katreena Scott, the co-creator of the Caring Dads program. In this interview, David Ruth and Katreena speak aboutThe importance of intervening with violent fathers What makes Caring Dads different than a traditional men’s behavior change programmingHow Caring Dads is different than traditional parenting programs How Caring Dads centers the safety and wel...
2023-06-201h 07Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 4: Being Abused by a Partner While Advocating for Others: An Interview with Leah Vejzovic, Safe & Together Institute's North American Regional ManagerProfessionals working in domestic violence and related fields are not immune from being abused by their partner. In fact, their role as a domestic violence or related professional can create some unique vulnerabilities that perpetrators are willing and able to exploit as part of their efforts at control. In this episode, Ruth and David interview one of their own colleagues, Leah Vejzović, Safe & Together Institute’s North American Regional Manager. During this intimate interview, Leah shares her journey of experiencing abuse and coercive control while working in the advocacy and child welfare field. Leah speaks about...
2023-05-231h 00Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 3: The Silent Effects of Non-Fatal Strangulation: A Conversation with International Lived Experience Expert Nneka MacGregorStrangulation attempts are a common element of domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behavior. Non-fatal strangulation has long been identified as a risk factor for domestic violence homicide. Less attention has been paid to the short-, medium-, and long-term effects of non-fatal strangulation on survivor functioning and well-being. In this interview with Nneka MacGregor, Ruth and David discuss her research into the injuries, impact, and experiences of survivors who have experienced non-fatal strangulation. They address:The specific impacts of non-fatal strangulation on memory loss, traumatic brain injury and increased risk for stroke and other health risksHow these sym...
2023-05-051h 05Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 2: Coming “Out” as a Survivor in a Professional Setting: A Practitioner’s JourneyListening to the voice of lived experience experts, aka survivors of all forms of abuse and neglect, is becoming more and more a part of the domestic abuse–informed professional landscape. At the same time, self-disclosure of being an abuse survivor in professional spaces can be fraught for some practitioners. It can be associated with fears of judgment and marginalization. Even though those survivor experiences can positively inform direct work with families, enrich organizational culture, and help guide policy, safety, and support for practitioner survivors is often not the articulated norm in many organizations.In this episode, Ru...
2023-04-271h 04Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 4 Episode 1: Using the Concept of Partnering with Survivors to Promote Worker Health and Well-BeingWorking with domestic violence means professionals come into contact daily with complex and challenging trauma. Beyond the complexity involved with working toward the safety of the family, working with domestic violence survivors often confronts professionals with their own prior experiences of abuse and trauma. Partnering with survivors using the Safe & Together Model is powerful, efficient, and effective—and this very same process may reveal to practitioners where they were blamed for the abuse they suffered, where their own strengths or needs were not acknowledged, and can even trigger their own memories of trauma. In this episode, Ruth and...
2023-02-2749 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 13: What Domestic Violence Perpetrators Steal From SurvivorsWhen we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added (violence and danger) instead of what is taken away (safety, self-determination, quality of life), we fail to name some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David and Ruth talk about what survivors often “lose” at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators and the importance of mapping perpetrators’ patterns to accurate documentation of harm, including what has been taken away.Ruth and David also talk about how survivors describe perpetrators stopping them from being the parent and the...
2022-12-2037 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 12: Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect with Survivors’ Mental Health and Substance Misuse IssuesToxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta.All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately, these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators. In this episode, David and Ruth take a deep dive into how the Safe & Together Model’s intersections framework offers a more powerful and accurate way to discuss the relationship between mental health, substance misuse, and domestic violence. Point by point they explore how perpetrators' behaviors intersect with adu...
2022-11-201h 01Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to the Perpetrator: An Essential Tool for Interrupting Victim-BlamingConversations about domestic violence often start from a victim-blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim-blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors.In this episode, Ruth and David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of “pivoting to the perpetrator,” which offers specific steps to interrupt victim-blaming and to shift the focus on to where it belongs—the...
2022-11-111h 12Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 10: “Slow Motion Murder:” Widening the Understanding of the Link Between Domestic Violence and Child DeathsWith upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrator’s overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths. Child suicides also appear to happen in the context of domestic violence. In this episode, Ruth and David explore the connection between domestic violence and child deaths, including: How males are three times more likely...
2022-10-141h 07Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 9: Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives: An Interview with Author and Academic Dr. Emma KatzIn this episode, David and Ruth chat with author and academic Dr. Emma Katz about her new book Coercive Control in Children’s and Mothers’ Lives. Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children. During this far-ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss: How she was inspired to write the book by identifying how the literature was ignoring the experience of children in homes impacted by coercive controlThe “magic” question that unlocked the stories of adult and child surv...
2022-09-221h 32Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 8: Understanding Reproductive Coercion: An Interview with Dr. Heather McCauleyIn this episode, David and Ruth interview Dr. Heather McCauley from the Consortium on Gender-Based Violence at Michigan State University. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion and the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and health issues. Ruth, David, and Dr. McCauley address:How important it is to identify common acts of resistance to reproductive coercion so we accurately assess survivors’ protective and safety strategiesHow resistance to reproductive coercion often elicits violence, as does any form of resistance to a perpetrator of intimate partner violenceHow a lack of professional awareness of the...
2022-08-181h 06Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors' Acts of ResistanceToo often, conversations about domestic violence define survivors as “passive trauma survivors” with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators’ patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real, they only tell part of the story. On a daily basis, survivors engage in small and large acts of resistance to coercive control and domestic violence. Based on their knowledge of the perpetrator, their assessment of the system, and available support, survivors engage in targeted strategic actions that are important to their own safety and the safety and well-being of their children. Not jus...
2022-06-0549 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together ModelIn this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!" Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about. The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe & Together Model and discuss how each myth plays into our current siloed thinking around survivors and perpetrators;Myth #1: The Safe & Together Model is a perpetrator engagement model.Myth #2: It only applies to men’s use of violence against women.Myth #3: It only works...
2022-06-0356 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 5: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Managing Your Own Fears About the Safety of the FamilyIn this final installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance of best practices around the question of practitioners’ own fears about the safety of the family. Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes these fears are directly related to the facts of the perpetrator’s pattern. In other instances, they are artifacts of prior cases, overwhelm from crushing workloads, or lack of training in working with perpetrators. Ruth and David explore the facto...
2022-05-1521 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 4: Reproductive CoercionPart of a perpetrator’s pattern of coercive control, reproductive coercion is a common and powerful tool that is used to entrap and control victims using pregnancy and children. Forcing women to become pregnant and maintain a pregnancy has long-term implications for women and children’s lives. Not only do adult survivors suffer the consequences, but children are used as pawns. In this way, reproductive control can be thought of as a form of child abuse and neglect. In many instances, domestic violence perpetrators do not become abusive until their partner is pregnant and unable to leave them...
2022-05-1053 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of AbuseIn this fifth installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training, and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse histories can be a real asset for an agency that addresses domestic violence in the families they serve. Research shows that a variety of professionals in health and child welfare have significant prevalence rates for histories of domestic violence, sexual violence, and c...
2022-02-0621 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization of Mental Health and Addiction Against SurvivorsHave you ever seen survivors’ mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator? Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor’s treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner? In this podcast, David and Ruth explore these questions and talk about how a perpetrator pattern–based approach can help protect survivors against these behaviors.The show is broken down into three major themes: What is weaponization of mental health and addiction?Why are systems are vulnerable to these manipulations?How we can fix (or perpetrator-proof) our systems?Ruth and Dav...
2022-01-171h 02Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 3 Episode 1: "This Is a Collective Male Problem:" An Interview with International Journalist Grant Wyeth(Apologies—the sound quality of this episode is not as good as we’d like.)In their opening episode of Season 3, David and Ruth interview Grant Wyeth, a researcher at the Asia Institute at the University of Melbourne and a columnist for The Diplomat who has written extensively about men’s violence against women. In this interview, Grant offers an international perspective on: The backlash against the advancements of womenMale supremacist groups and their influence on politicsHow Richard Gardner’s “ideology” of parental alienation was intended to influence the family court’s position on domestic violenceHow Gardner’s influe...
2022-01-1050 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 24: From Police Inspector to “Moral Rebel”: An Interview with Graham GouldenAsk Graham Goulden about the bystander approach to violence prevention, he’ll talk to you about being a “moral rebel”—those who intervene to stop violence when others stand by and act when others walk away. A former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, training, and crime prevention, Graham is a passionate advocate of the bystander approach and focuses on teaching concrete behavioral strategies to safely intervene in the attitudes that promote abuse and sexual violence well before it occurs. He speaks about ways we can train our brain to intervene, hold our friends...
2021-12-241h 01Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Are Survivors ThemselvesIn this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator and the implications for the workplace. David and Ruth discuss: David’s history with worker personal disclosures about their own victimization How workers going through Safe & Together Model training are seeing their own experience reflected in the materialHow agencies are using the Safe & Together Model to identify employees whose performance is suffering due to abuse and provide them with greater support Perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace and, as a result, may c...
2021-11-2722 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim-BlamingIn this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim-blaming. In just over 15 minutes, David and Ruth discuss: How a lack of knowledge of how fathers’ choices impact families and engagement skills with men hamper work with violent fathers.How these gaps can be worse for fathers from communities where racism has led to the further vilification of men as being dangerous, irresponsible, or irrelevant.How this lack of knowledge, skills, and confidence can lead to workers feeling unsafe about engaging fathers who hav...
2021-11-2715 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When Workers Are Targeted by the PerpetratorIn this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In less than 15 minutes , David and Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted, including:Manipulation, intimidation, and bullying Threats of or actual lawsuits and complaints lodged with managers, professional boards, or courts Implied or real threats against family members Stalking (online or in real life)Ruth and David also discuss how misogyny, racism, or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers. Davi...
2021-11-0813 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the seriesIn the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth will introduce the theme of worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems. Since the inception of the Model, it has been central to know the perpetrators pattern, not only as it related to domestic violence-informed work with the family, but also as it related to the safety & efficacy of the worker. A worker, who is...
2021-10-3114 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family courtMany professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over. Survivors know differently. Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship. In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth and David discuss: · How post separation coercive control distinguishes through a heavy focus on “remote control’ abuse, abuse from a distance, using proxies to maintain and extend control; targeting and use of children; efforts to control the survivors’ parenting, and the use and targe...
2021-10-311h 06Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 18: Multiple Pathways to Harm: An Assessment Approach That Better Mirrors the Lived Experience of SurvivorsPhrases like "child witness to violence" or "children exposed to violence" only capture a small slice of how domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors harm children. Assessment frameworks based on these concepts primarily emphasize the traumatic impact of the direct witnessing of acts of physical violence. But what coercive control teaches us is that harm also involves patterns of entrapping and controlling behaviors that deprive adult and child survivors of their basic human rights, including safety, well-being, and autonomy. The Safe & Together Institute uses a Multiple Pathways to Harm approach that brings assessment processes into alignment with a coercive c...
2021-10-131h 02Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 17: Intervening with Domestic Violence Perpetrators: "We Can't Leave Anything on the Table"Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner, and family functioning, is essential for domestic abuse–informed systems. In this episode, David and Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model, which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children. Their conversation covers:The importance of a broad definition of "accountability" How micro-practices around language and documentation are the foundation of accountability in a domestic abuse–informed system How traditional definitions of perpetrator accountability can contribute to racial inequity in the response of systems How practit...
2021-09-181h 11Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 16: "We Have to Remember Who We Are Advocating For": An Interview with Aboriginal Domestic Violence Leader Ashlee DonohueIn this episode, Ruth and David yarn with Ashlee Donohue, a proud Dunghutti woman born and raised in Kempsey, NSW. Ashlee is an author, educator, advocate, and speaker around the anti-violence message, and she is currently the CEO of Mudgin-Gal Aboriginal Corporation – Women’s Centre, which is for Aboriginal women run by Aboriginal women. Ashlee was also a keynote speaker at the 2021 Safe & Together Institute Asia Pacific Conference on the burning question of coercive control criminalisation.Ruth and David talk with Ashlee about: Her thoughts on the criminalisation of coercive control in Australia and the pros and c...
2021-09-031h 17Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 15: She Is Not Your Rehab: A Global Invitation to Men to End Abuse of Women and Children Through Radical Self-Responsibility and HealingFor men's violence against women to end, men need to talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large. An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing is Matt Brown, co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown, of the She Is Not Your Rehab global movement. Matt believes that because so many boys and men are traumatized and wounded in relationship with parents/caretakers, taking radical self-ownership of their own healing j...
2021-08-241h 14Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 14: How to Perpetrator-Proof Custody and Access ProcessesBuilding on the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on perpetrators' manipulation of systems (and the related podcast) and work with the Federal and Family Court of Australia, David and Ruth take a closer look at how domestic violence perpetrators can continue to undermine child safety and well-being post-separation, how they manipulate systems regarding custody and access issues, and how they target professionals in order to extend their coercive control after a relationship has ended. In this episode, Ruth and David talk about how: Professionals can properly identify and assess coercive control in the context of custody an...
2021-08-161h 06Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 13: Reparations and the Unique Experience of Black Domestic Violence Survivors: An Interview with Courageous FireCrafting a domestic violence–informed response to the unique experience of Black domestic violence survivors in the United States requires listening to the voices and lived experience of those survivors. Like other marginalized survivors in systems impacted by racism and colonization across the globe, Black women have to navigate systems that often have penalized and punished them instead of being a support. Distrust of formal systems, based on historic racism, can make it harder for Black survivors to reach out for the help they need. When survivors do not feel like their experience will be seen and understood, they wi...
2021-07-121h 06Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 12: How Coercive Control Harms Child Safety and Well-Being: An Interview with Dr. Emma KatzFor 15 years, the Safe & Together Model has trained professionals in the importance of centering coercive controlling patterns of behaviors if you want to understand the harm domestic abuse perpetrators create for their children and how that is parenting choice. Failures to link coercive control to child abuse and neglect make it easier to blame adult survivors, who are being protective, with “failure to protect” and “parental alienation.” The Safe & Together Model’s perpetrator pattern–based approach links coercive control in a number of different ways, creating a foundation for a domestic abuse–informed practice that helps professionals to partner with survivors...
2021-06-291h 00Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 11: “We Need a Revolution”: Integration of Trauma Healing and Behavior Change for People Who Choose ViolenceThe discussion of the relationship between histories of trauma and the perpetration of abuse is often fraught. Many people are worried that any consideration of the trauma histories of perpetrators will become an excuse for violence. Others advocate for the need for a more holistic approach, especially for those perpetrators who are also survivors of intergenerational traumas related to colonization and racism. Building on their previous episode, Trauma-Informed Is Not the Same as Domestic Violence–Informed: A Conversation About the Intersection of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & Addiction, David and Ruth turn their attention to the relationship bet...
2021-06-041h 14Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 10: Trauma-Informed Is Not the Same as Domestic Violence–Informed: A Conversation About the Intersection of Domestic Violence Perpetration, Mental Health & AddictionIn this episode, David and Ruth tackle one of the most pressing issues in the domestic violence field: how to make mental health and addiction services more domestic abuse–informed when it comes to interacting with survivors. While awareness of trauma and its impact continues to increase, it often is decontextualized from the dynamics of coercive control. Mental health and addiction professionals are often ill-prepared by their education and training to integrate coercive control into their assessments. Organizations that are striving to trauma-informed are not always committing to be domestic abuse–informed, and domestic violence survivors are often...
2021-05-171h 06Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 9: Finally! A Realistic Feature Film About Coercive Control: An Interview with Chyna Robinson and Tracy RectorDomestic violence has been depicted in feature movies before. Enough, The Burning Bed, and Sleeping with the Enemy depended on star power to draw in their audiences. Once Were Warriors, the dark, award-wining New Zealand classic, explored violence in an urban Maori family. Now the award-winning feature film No Ordinary Love joins this pantheon of movies that glues viewers to their seats with view of intimate violence and abuse that is far too familiar to many of us. In this movie, coercive control, the topic of a current global conversation about how best to respond to domestic violence, is...
2021-04-2656 minPartnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo MandelSeason 2 Episode 7: “Radical Resistance to the Status Quo”: A Look Behind the Scottish Coercive Control Law with Dr. Marsha ScottSafety. Satisfaction. Self-determination. For decades, domestic violence survivors have shared that these are the aspects of their life targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. Until recently, it was primarily the attacks on physical safety that were reflected in the domestic violence laws across the world. Slowly, with the passage of coercive control laws in a few countries, survivors are seeing their wider reality reflected in legislation. Coercive control is now being considered in the definition of domestic violence from Australia to the United States. Coercive control, which has been at the center of the Safe & Together Model's approach f...
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