Shows
Two Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWrapping Up the YearWe wrap up a year(ish) of weekly episodes and decide to move to a new schedule. 2025-04-0825 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseReframing EventsWhen we are able to see things differently....2025-04-0118 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseUnexpected EncountersSometimes our old defences rise up when we have unexpected encounters. In this episode, DeAnne and Astrid talk about what happens when something occurs for which we're unprepared. Can we offer ourselves compassion when we fail to meet our own expectations? 2025-03-2521 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseRevisiting Painful Places in New WaysCan we grow our empathy for ourselves when we consciously revisit what causes us pain? Is it possible to reframe our pain into something else? How do we practice this? We discuss.2025-03-1824 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhat Helps? A Look at KetamineAre we sad or are we depressed? Is there a difference? Sometimes we feel like we need a different kind of help. In this episode, DeAnne brings up the topic of depression and Astrid talks about her ketamine experience. 2025-03-1029 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseFinding MeaningWhat now, after a loss like this?How do we find purpose and meaning in our everyday lives?We need that connection - to be seen and heard. 2025-03-0425 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseRevisiting Early GriefSometimes we find ourselves revisiting the early days of grief. What do we remember about those early days? How far have we come from there? What are the things that trigger those memories? We discuss. 2025-02-2520 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseLosses and GainsIn addition to our children, what else have we lost in the aftermath of their deaths? Have we gained anything? Does hope have anywhere to land in our lives after this?2025-02-1822 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseChalk It Up To Grief (or stress, anxiety, worry, fear....)Both DeAnne and Astrid experienced physical changes they chalked up to grief. In early grief especially, it can be hard to differentiate between the changes we go through. Is it grief or something else?We change in other ways, too. DeAnne brings up empathy - how we have changed in response to others. Turns out we don't look at people in the same way, now. We allow others more latitude. And maybe ourselves, too. 2025-02-1024 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseFinding CommunityHow do you find your people? Are there people out there like us and like you? We KNOW there are. How do we find them?2025-02-0421 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseFood, Grief, and HealingIn this episode, DeAnne and Astrid discuss food and grief. What associations do we have between our children who are gone and any foods they might have loved? Do we still make those things? The conversation segues into a discussion about the things we stop doing because we associate them so strongly with our dead children. 2025-01-2721 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseTaking a Break From GriefSometimes we need to take a break from the work of grief. When your child dies from a drug overdose, the work can be endless. In the end, the timing of our work is our own, the pace is our own. We do what we can, when we can. 2025-01-2133 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseA Chance EncounterA chance encounter can rock your world. Astrid talks about a recent encounter she had at the grocery store with the mother of the girl her son loved. 2025-01-1325 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhat's In a Name? Introducing: Prolonged Grief DisorderAfter a few minutes of the last dregs of Christmas talk, Astrid and DeAnne discuss the fact that what has been known to us as Complicated Grief has undergone a name change to Prolonged Grief Disorder. Are we disordered? When your child dies from a drug overdose, that grief is complicated. There's no way it CAN'T be complicated. But is it a disorder? We discuss. 2025-01-0729 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseA Post Holiday ReviewEach holiday season will be different. This year, both of us experienced Christmas differently than we had before. It was "better," a shift had occurred, and at the same time letting go of loss is hard. 2024-12-3022 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWaking UpAt some point, we begin to wake up to our present surroundings. Maybe we realize we want a new top, or want to change the way our furniture is arranged. When we wake up to our surroundings, is it a sign of re-entry into the world? An acknowledgment that life really does go on? Nothing about grief ever goes in a straight line, but when a shift takes place it can be impactful. 2024-12-2327 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseLightening the Load of GriefWhat are some things we can do to lighten the load of grief after a death by overdose? We talk about some of the experiences that have helped us shift our response to our children's deaths. Getting unstuck is an adjustment. We become accustomed to despair, and when that shifts, or we move out of it a little bit, we need to readjust to a new way of thinking about our children and ourselves.2024-12-1728 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseA Thanksgiving ReviewDeAnne and Astrid discuss how their Thanksgivings went. A theme that came up - how do you know when it's time to make a change? We get so ingrained in our habits that sometimes it doesn't occur to us that we can stop doing the things we've always done. Because we want to!In the discussion of revisiting old patterns and ways of doing things, we also talk about what it means to let go of something that once connected us to our children, and rethinking what connection really means. 2024-12-1027 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseFriendsWhen you experience a devastating loss, friendships can change. Sometimes for the worse, and sometimes for the better. In this episode, Astrid brings her friend Stacey on to talk about how their friendship has changed since the death of her son. 2024-12-0226 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseSearching for That ConnectionOne of the things I miss most is my sense of connection to my son. I lost it when he died, and now I'm always looking for ways to reconnect. Do you, too? In this episode, Astrid and Kevin discuss different means of connecting to their son - the things they've tried, what they're open to, and what has worked for them and, sometimes, not worked. What are the things you would try to feel that connection once more?2024-11-2628 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseMy Ayahuasca Experience - as the Parent of a Child Who Died of a Drug OverdoseThe title says it all.2024-11-1818 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseGiving InIn this episode, we discuss the benefits of "giving in." Giving in to how we feel. Giving in to the moment. Letting go of the need to get things done.Sometimes, after trauma, we go through a process of redefining what's important in our lives. Our goals are reduced. What it means to accomplish something has a different definition. We have found that focusing on the present moment is helpful. Everyday tasks can become meditative. We experience the moment. 2024-11-1229 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThe Power of Writing It DownNeither of us is a journaler, although DeAnne recently bought a journal with good intentions. What we can attest to, though, is the power of spontaneous writing exercises to help us understand and see ourselves in different ways. DeAnne discusses her first experience with a writing prompt, a tool many counselors use to help the ones they work with move forward on their healing journeys. Astrid also has experience with writing prompts, and ended up writing about her experience in a different way. 2024-11-0429 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhy Aren't We Divorced?Kevin and Astrid continue their conversation while DeAnne is away. Kevin talks about the different ways he deals with grief, which doesn't currently include therapy. Why is that and what does he do in its place? We talk about our current relationship and why we chose to not separate or get a divorce. 2024-10-2827 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseA Husband. A Father. Introducing Kevin, Garrett's Dad.DeAnne is out of town, so Astrid invites her husband Kevin, Garrett's dad, to sit in. What are some of the differences in how two parents can grieve the same child? Do we see the same events differently? Kevin gives his take on the subject of an overdose death. 2024-10-2222 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseDoes Your Mother Know Where You Are?DeAnne and Astrid discuss an interview Astrid watched with a mother whose son committed suicide. It prompted them to touch on whether their own children's deaths were accidental, or not. How do you know if an overdose death was accidental? Does it matter? Does it change the loss?We discuss how we react now when we see signs of hardship. How we relate to others and how others relate to us, after loss. Astrid recently had an encounter with someone, after which she wanted to say, "Does your mother know where you are?" (Because if she's anything...2024-10-1526 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseLet's Talk Gabor MatéGabor Maté is a Canadian physician and addiction expert. (In our conversation I called him a psychologist - sorry.) In this episode we discuss his book, The Myth of Normal, and what we took away from it. One of DeAnne's biggest impressions from the book was the idea that the body often expresses unaddressed trauma in the form of disease. Astrid's biggest takeaway was that we all carry trauma, and we need to address it before we unintentionally pass it down to our children and the society in which we live. As parents of children who...2024-10-0823 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThe ListHere we visit The List - topics that have come up for us in our grief journeys that we feel would be worth discussion. What's on the list? What are the things we have faced or continue to face in the process of coming to terms with a death by overdose? We take a look. 2024-10-0130 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseAn Accidental Conversation About Animals - the Pets We LoveIn this conversation, we start out discussing the rituals and habits we form to get us through the day. and what happens when these get disrupted. It's interesting to think about how we rebuild ourselves and our days after the deaths of our children. One of those rituals for us has been walking dogs, which segues into a conversation about having pets, especially the pets our children loved.2024-09-2325 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhy Not You?In this episode, we start out by talking about triggers - the things that bring up old feelings of helplessness and anxiety. Neither of us ever really felt that our children would die. But they did. And that brings up the old saying - Why Not You? Why shouldn't it have happened to us? It can happen to anyone, so why not us?We then segue into an acknowledgement of relief about some aspects of death. There is some stigma in acknowledging relief, but it is real and it is okay. 2024-09-1730 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseSignsHow many of us have wished for a sign from our loved one? Did you get one? A lot? None?In this episode we discuss some of our experiences with signs. 2024-09-0925 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThere's the Shock, and Then There's the Realization That They Are Not Coming BackIn today's episode, we welcome our friend Beth, who also lost a child to a drug overdose. We talk about coming out of the shock of experiencing the death of a child, into the realization that they are not coming back. We can be so hard on ourselves. Can we practice self-compassion and self-love?2024-09-0528 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseReopening to LifeWhen your child dies from an overdose, many of us harden to life. We become frozen, paralyzed, and turn to stone. In this episode, we discuss practicing going from hard to soft. Frozen to unfrozen. We also talk about where we find support in this journey and what that support might look like. 2024-08-2628 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhat Are We Doing? Are We Supposed To Be Doing Something?In this episode, we discuss how the ways in which we care for ourselves have changed. This discussion leads into a conversation about finding meaning. Is it out there to find? 2024-08-1927 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhat Does it Mean to Heal?In this episode we discuss what it means to heal. Is there a definition for it? Is it possible to heal from grief? Or is grief a chronic condition - something to be endured but never truly healed? Interwoven into the conversation is the question of how to hold love and loss at the same time. 2024-08-1428 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseHolidays and All the Stuff That Goes With ItHolidays. When your child dies, what do you do about holidays? Do patterns change or stay the same? Cling to the old ways, or make new ones? We've pretty much decided that you can do whatever the hell you want to do. And you can make a change anytime you want to. And somehow, that led to a discussion about what we did with their things. Keep them? Give them away? Do what you want. 2024-08-0636 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseAll the MemoriesWhat do we do with our memories of our children? The photos?When your child dies of an overdose, memories can get very loaded. Even the good ones can be painful. Are all of our memories ruined? We discuss. 2024-07-3125 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseIs It Really Ok That I'm Not Ok?In this episode we talk about our sometimes tendencies to make deaths of our children ok for others. Is it ok to NOT do that? People want a happy ending, and we can't offer that. We talk about Megan Divine's book, It's Ok That You're Not Ok. 2024-07-2226 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhat's Important Now?How have our boundaries changed after the deaths of our children? Do we relate to people differently? In this episode, we discuss ways in which our perspectives of what's important have changed. Friendships change, and the way we connect and communicate change. We talk about what's of value now. 2024-07-1530 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThe Things We Reach For When It HappensBoth of our sons died from a drug overdose. In the immediate aftermath, besides asking ourselves how this could have happened, what do we do to try to understand it? Is it helpful to go through their personal things? Is it helpful to try to identify what they were feeling? Weirdly, are they ok? Do we try to know where they are now? 2024-07-0938 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseI've Got a Kid in a Bag: Otherwise Known as Unfinished BusinessOne of us has a kid in a bag. The other has hers in a box. We start a conversation about what we've done with the ashes of our children after they've died. Is there a right answer? How do we relate to what remains? Literally. 2024-07-0128 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseCracking Open - A Follow Up on the Mind-Body ConnectionFollowing up on the previous episode, The Mind-Body Connection, we explore the effects of "cracking open" and allowing ourselves to soften in our grief. What happens when we lower our protective barriers and explore what we find there? We look at other avenues of connection and think about what we're willing and able to do in this present moment.We also explore what it means to have an exaggerated sense of responsibility in the face of the drug overdose deaths of our children. In the shock of it, our perspectives have become wildly skewed. How do we...2024-06-2430 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThe Mind-Body ConnectionToday we explore the mind-body connection and what that means for us. Neither of us had ever explored this before our children died. What is it? How does it work? How does it help? Can we use the mind-body connection to connect to our children in a way that's meaningful?2024-06-1731 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWe're In It NowWe spent the first six episodes lightly touching on the details of our children's deaths. In this episode we ask, why did we do that? What is the benefit of sharing the particulars? What does it mean to have to work through the details of that day? As it says in the title, we're in it now. We are diving in. 2024-06-1036 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseSharing the NewsHow do you share the news of what happened to your child? What happens when you share a deep loss with others? Here's a first look. Our stories might change over time. 2024-06-0320 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseThose Social ExpectationsWeirdly, we sometimes find ourselves still trying to meet social expectations even after the worst has just happened. Why do we do this and what have we learned? 2024-05-2817 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseHow Do You Start Your Day and ... My Son DiedIn the lead up to talking about the day Garrett died, we chat about how we sometimes start our day. The shower sets the tone. 2024-05-2023 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseNicholas: The Aftermath of a Sudden DeathWe explore the immediate aftermath of Nicholas' death. How do you navigate the world when this happens?2024-05-1319 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWhen Things Got StartedHow do you know when things got started? How do you know when there's a problem?2024-05-0624 minTwo Moms with Two Dead Kids: When Your Child Dies From a Drug OverdoseWho We AreWe introduce ourselves and start talking about our kids, and how this kind of death explodes your world. 2024-04-2818 min
The Morning BellThe Morning Bell Podcast Episode 88 - Astrid ScholteJoel and Deanne talk to international YA bestseller Astrid Scholte about moving on to another project and dealing with audience expectation.
Media discussed: The Office, reality TV shows and grim/dark media
This podcast was recorded live at the Brunswick Street Bookstore.
If you like the podcast, follow us on Twitter and give us a nice review on iTunes.
If you have any questions or want to get in touch with us, you can email Joel – mailbox@thepenofjoel.com
2019-11-1559 min
De Sandwich17-10-2017: De SandwichUur 1
1. Always ? Deanne Durbin
2. Once upon a time in the West ? Ennio Morricone
3. Southern nights ? Lizz Wright
4. O leaozinho ? Caetano Veloso
5. Zeventien ? Astrid Nijgh
6. See what love did to me ? Yusuf/Cat Stevens
7. What a wonderful world ? Louis Armstrong
8. Sterk ? Herman van Veen
9. Quand un artiste ? Henri Salvador
10. Melodie d?amour ? Ames Brothers
11. Waltz to the road ? Noa
12. You?re moving out today ? Carol Bayer Sager
13. More than one of you ? Neil Finn
14. Auto vliegtuug ? Rowwen Heze
15. To vals tis pinelopis ? Yiannis Kotsiras
Uur 2
1. Josie ? Kris Kristofferson
2. La France ? Marcel Thielemans
3. On the beach ? Randy Newman
4. Pequeno vals vienes ? Ana...2017-09-171h 53