Shows
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideAgreement 4 - Always Do Your BestAgreement #4: Always Do Your Best“Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next.” The Fourth Agreement is the action of the first three, enabling them to become habits. It is the agreement that asks you to do just enough, but not too much. Perfection is not the goal .. Doing your best means falling down and getting back up. Ruiz says “If you try too hard to do more tha...2021-11-0215 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideAgreement 3 - Don't Make AssumptionsAgreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.” — The Four Agreements, Chapter 4 The Third Agreement is similar to the Second Agreement: Don’t take anything personally. We assume our reality is the same as someone else’s reality, so we fit whatever they do or say into how we view the world. We create stories around our reality. As you all are aware, we cannot read another person’s mind and know what they’re thinking, but there are times we act like we can! 2021-10-2523 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideAgreement 2 - Don't Take Things PersonallyAgreement #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally“Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about ‘me’.” — The Four Agreements, Chapter 3 Yes, taking things personally is all about ourselves; our ego. We think the world revolves around us and everything people do is specifically targeted to us. How We PersonalizeRuiz believes that nothing other people say or do is because of us. It is because of themselves. How other people relate to us often depends on thei...2021-10-1819 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideAgreement 1 - Be Impeccable with Your WordThe First Agreement - Be Impeccable With Your WordWhy is your word so important? Because, according to Ruiz, it is your power to create. “What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.”It’s all connected, and what you say matters. This includes what we say to ourselves as well as what we say to others. Our inner voice is often the most destructive because it draws from our negative core beliefs: I’m not good enough, smart enough, worthy of love, deserving of happines...2021-10-1219 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideThe Four Agreements - October SeriesTHE FOUR AGREEMENTSBy Don Miguel Ruiz1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORDSpeak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using theword to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use thepower your word in the direction of truth and love.2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLYNothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is aprojection of your own reality, their own dream. When you areimmune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be thevictim of n...2021-10-0424 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide10 Things To Do When Everything is Falling Apart1. Take a break/Don’t be afraid to feel it/Write it out - Things have a way of working themselves out and once we lean into “letting go” typically things will work out. If you can write out what you are feeling when the world that's crumbling around you, this excercise will help you refocus and you will have a clearer picture of what's going on. Once you do, you can reassess the situation and figure out the best course of action.2. Get support - Don't hesitate in asking for help, this means having...2021-09-2719 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideUplifting our Daughters and Building Self-Esteem1. Body Acceptance and modeling positive body image.Mothers have a huge impact on their daughters’ body image. Think about how they will mimic our behaviors, Don’t ask, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or obsess food or appearance. Things to do: Appreciate all that your body can do. Write down what you love about yourself Beauty is more than skin deep Look at yourself as a whole person Wear clothes that make feel comfortable and work with your body not against.2. Make your daughter media literateBecome a critical viewer of social and media mes...2021-09-2022 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideSingle Parenting in Self Pity1. Show Compassion to yourself firstAllow yourself to really feel what you are feeling. Be compassionate with yourself just as you would with a friend or your child. Ask for support if you need it. 2. Awareness of the pain of self-pityFeeling sorry for yourself not only creates pain for you but it creates pain for others too. Not many people want to be around you if you are always down. Instead of seeing that as something else to feel hurt about, become aware of the pain you are cr...2021-09-1427 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideLearning to Rely on the "other" Co-ParentLearning to Rely on the "other" Co-Parent”, not an easy thing to do. It is a tough order to depend on the other co-parent especially if there have been trust issues in your past relationship with them. Vincent de Paul is recorded as having asked: “What do you think is most often the cause of our failings in our resolutions? It’s that we depend too much on ourselves, we put trust in our good desires, we rely on our own strength, and that’s the reason we don’t get any good results from them.” Here are s...2021-09-0620 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideWhat Co-Parenting is NotWe can sum this up in one word: easy. Co-parenting is not easy. Parenting is already no cakewalk, and when you add in the stress of a raising a child together after a divorce or separation, it’s a situation that can be filled with tension and disagreements. Good communication is the key to a positive co-parenting experience. Putting the sole focus on your children rather than on yourself or your ex is the first step toward ensuring success. Co-parenting is not easy, but it’s worth the extra effort for the health and well-being of you...2021-07-1911 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHandling Summertime SquabblesHandling Summertime SquabblesBuild Team FamilyEstablish a We (versus a Me) mentality. Build a team family mentality. You can have a family cheer and/or a special handshake. You don’t have to go that route, but do look for ways to build your own united front that supports and stands up for one another. Depending on their age, have your children create projects and goals they want to accomplish together: for example, they might hold a mini-garage sale or lemonade stand with proceeds to buy a new Lego set they both want.C...2021-07-1215 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideLearning to Deal with Common Co-Parenting IssuesHow to Deal With Co-Parenting IssuesThe Other Parent Dislikes YouIt can be uncomfortable working with someone who doesn't like you, for the sake of your child, you and your partner in parenting must put your differences aside. Really work on not discussing the situations in front of the children and focus only on your child. Resist getting into disagreements and be firm and follow through with your requests.You Never Agree With Each OtherMost people who plan to have a child together do...2021-07-0619 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideGuidelines for Parents Dating after Divorce1. Reassure, Legitimize and Validate your childrens feelings“No matter their ages, explain (to your children) why you’re dating and that no one will ever replace the other parent,” says Dr. Terri Orbuch, professor at Oakland University, author and family therapist. “Tell them they are your first priority and you’ll always be there for them, no matter who you’re dating.” If kids are resistant or negative, don’t get defensive. Acknowledge feelings, and give extra hugs.2. No revolving doors of men/womenIn my 20's & 30's, I did not do such a...2021-06-2816 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideChoosing to Forgive your ExChoosing to Forgive your ExThe Book of Forgiving by Desmond and Mpho Tutu. Archbishop Desmond Tutu writes:"Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped. Until we can forgive the person who harmed us, that person will hold the keys to our happiness; that person will be our jailor. When we forgive the person who harmed us, we take back control of our own fate and our feelings. We become our own liberators. We don’t forgive to hel...2021-06-2121 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideCreating Healthy Boundaries in Co-ParentingCreating Healthy Boundaries in Co-ParentingWhat are boundaries?A quick summary of the boundaries described by Therapist Aid:Intellectual: Having respect for one another's thoughts and ideas.Emotional: Having respect for one another's feelings.Sexual: Having respect for the limitations and desires between sexual partners.Material: Having respect for one another's material possessions.Time: Having respect for one another's use of timeHow you determine your boundaries?When you feel disrespected, offended, or just plain uncomfortable with the other person's actions, it may be because they have crossed a boundary for you. No o...2021-06-1423 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideParenting Your Adult ChildrenParenting Your Adult ChildrenYour diaper-changing, school hustle & bustle and soccer driving days are over. Whether you feel relieved or conflicted about this change, it’s time to embrace your adult child’s independence and enjoy a new phase of parenthood; there are different ways for parenting adult children. Here are some ways to grow a healthy relationship with your adult children.1. Respect your differences. 2. Share your insight and wisdom (no critizcing). 3. Set and keep boundaries with adult children. 4. Do things...2021-06-0127 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideGrateful Living In our ever changing lives, it is important that we practice grateful living. What does it mean to practice grateful living? Grateful living is active. It asks us to step into our lives and participate and to cultivate all the possibilities that live on the other side of our busyness. Sunday morning I woke up with feelings of gratitude. Which leads me to my subject for this week and what does it mean to practice grateful living.Step one – Stop – by stopping and listening you cultivate a presence of being awareStep Two – Look – Look for ways to b...2021-05-2430 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideSocial Media Guidepost for Children and FamiliesIn this weeks episode we talk about the START method that the organization We Start Now has provided on their website www.westartnow.org and on their instagram @we.start.now. Below is their "Rules of Thumb" method and START method that have helped hundreds of families navigate social media standards and norms.S - START WITH YOURSELFModel healthy tech use for your kids. When studies show the average person checks a smartphone 80 times per day, we need to think about what we are modeling for our kids. Of course, we will ne...2021-05-1716 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideSummerTime Co-Parenting 1). Share vacation plans as soon as possible – don’t wait until the last minute to discuss with your co-parent what your plans are for the summer. Summers aren’t always predictable especially if you have multiple kids and birthdays, sports schedules, reunions etc. These various schedules will require both parents participating. It is so important for us to work together and having conversations in advance or even setting up a dinner/lunch or coffee time to specifically discuss summer plans is so important to having a great summer. 2). Get your childrens input for their summer plans2021-05-1024 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideThe Birth of My Motherhood With the upcoming mothers day and birth mother day, I was thinking of how complex motherhood can be and how for me personally my relationship with my mother is/was so complicated. It is no surprise that many of us have a complicated range of feelings – gratitude, sadness, grief, joy and anger.As a mother you are either blamed, glamorized or judged critically by your children, family members or the outside world. This judgment leaves little room for the true complexity of our mother as well as ourselves as mothers.The complexity of the mother/child...2021-05-0324 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideCommunication Keys for Co-Parenting1) Be polite & civilIt's important to remove the emotion when communicating with your co-parent, especially in the beginning when your raw emotions are so new. Set new boundaries and communicate in the same way you want to be communicated with.2) Keep Communication short & sweetThis relationship between you is in the past. Communication should always be about your children and their needs. Simple responses are the best especially in the beginning.3) No fighting with the kids presentFocus on making your kids happy. Ongoing conflict between co-parents is very st...2021-04-2624 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideDiscipline & Co-ParentingStrategies to Discipline with your children while Co-Parenting:Talk about the consequences prior to carrying out the discipline:If a discipline issue comes up on a transition day or should be carried out during the other parent's time, you can both agree to talk to one another before the consequence is given. You can make the decision together.Let the consequence wait:You can agree not to give an immedicate consequence. Sometimes the not knowing part is the worse than the actual punishment.Form a united front:In order to present this un...2021-04-1927 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideInterview with Fiona Kong, Creator of Home Sweet Homes Planner & JournalIn this weeks’ episode, I interview Fiona Kong, creator of Home Sweet Homes; A Journal and Planner for co-parents & child.Fiona Kong is a single mom of a 4-year-old boy. She is a former analyst, turned entrepreneur after finding a lack of resources and tools available to support children after a separation or divorce. During the pandemic, she created Home Sweet Homes: A journal & planner for co-parents & child. She is passionate about mental health advocacy, sustainable living and is a serial meditator. Originally from Rockville, MD she currently lives in Los Angeles, CA. What is so a...2021-04-1235 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideInterview with Grace BeasonCheck out my interview with Grace Beason @iamgracebeason .In our interview she shares her story of growing in a “co-parent household” before we all knew about co-parenting. Grace gives us great advice about how communication with our “children” is so important. She is inspiring, funny and very relatable. Grace is a mindset and empowerment coach. She provides women with empowerment tools and supports them to feel a greater sense of calm. You can check our her website at www.gracebeasoncoaching.comIn addition, she is the host of her podcast “Because Why Not?”. Her podcast is fun...2021-04-051h 05
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideWholehearted Co-ParentingBrene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living are as follows:1. Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think2. Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism3. Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty6. Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison7. Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth8. ...2021-03-2925 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideBio Mom & Bonus Mom; A Conversation with Jess and NaomiIn this episode you will hear our conversation with Jessica (Bonus Mom) and Naomi (Bio Mom). Jessica and Naomi have been a part of each others life for over 20 years.We talk about their background and how they first met, how their dynamics have changed over the years. We will hear about their conflicts regarding custody, visitation and money.They will give us insightful and helpful advice for all of us to become better mothers to our children.2021-03-2141 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideReligion and Co-Parenting; Striking a BalanceReligion & Co-Parenting; Striking a Balance1. Religious traditions versus Indoctrination This is the difference between sharing your faith with your child and having them participate in certain religious rites of passage (e.g., baptism, confirmation, bar mitzvah). Parents should be allowed to talk to their children about their faith and to share aspects of it with them, but participating in organized rituals should require the consent of both parents unless one parent has sole decision-making power. The end point is morality, not religion. Religion provides a framework for morality but one...2021-03-1523 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHow to Co-Parent with a NarcissistThis topic is a tough one especially for anyone that has parented with or been in a relationship with a narcissistic person. In determining what topic I would focus one today, I decided to talk about this subject based on feedback from multiple people on Facebook. I want to emphasize that I am not a therapist or counselor but I do have a ton of real world experience that I can share you with you and believe it will be beneficial.Minimize contactMany people that are narcissist love nothing more t...2021-03-0821 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHelping your children cope with financial difficulties The Pandemic, Lay-offs, pay-cuts, foreclosures, and debt are all realities of the world we live in. What we share with our child about our family's financial problems, and the way we share it, can have a profound impact on their ability to process and cope — and even on their financial future.If you or the other co-parent are facing a trying time financially, whether or not you've tried to hide it from your child, they most likely already know. Children are incredibly perceptive and they can pick up on parents' stress, conversations, and changed spending habits much more a...2021-03-0121 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideRacism; A conversation with my 10 year old daughter, Part 2Many parents, especially white parents may feel uncomfortable about knowing the right way to start a conversation with your children regarding race. Before you decide to have these important conversation with your children you may want to ask yourself a few questions. 1). Do you know and own your own biases?Let your children know and see you acknowledge and face your bias.We’re less likely to pass on the biases we identify and work to overcome.Give your child an example of a bias, racial or otherwise, that you hold or have held. Share with your child...2021-02-1535 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideRaging Pandemic, Riots and Racism; A Conversation with my 10 year old daughter, Part 1A Conversation with my 10 year old on the Raging Pandemic Rioting and Racism. For the past few months I have had so many conversations with my daughter Ava regarding her mental health surrounding the pandemic, the Capitol riots and racism in general. For those of you that don’t know my daughter is bi-racial and so we have been having conversations for years on racism and these conversations have been ongoing in my household, I thought it would good to share with you a portion of my conversation with my daughter Ava and her thoughts surrounding the pand...2021-02-0823 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideMy Co-Parenting Resolutions for 2021In thinking of my resolutions for 2021 and specifically the resolutions of how it relates to co-parenting and how to be a better co-parent, I wanted to share my own resolutions and hope that it serves as a conversation starter or thought provoking for you and your own co-parenting resolutions for 2021.1). More effective communication – which includes being calm and having clarity. In my own coparenting relationships my goal is when I am negotiating a certain “thing” or schedule that I want, it is important that I am clear about what I want and that I speak in a tone tha...2021-01-0513 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideCo-Parenting Intentions for 2021Co-Parenting Intentions for 2021 Be intentional about my child’s mental health – As a parent it is so important that we be intentional about our child’s mental health as well as our own. Before the pandemic hit, mental health issues such as depression and anxiety were rising in children 6-17 according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Children are feeling deflated and lack of connectedness. Give yourself and your children permission to rest, restore, reset and relax. Keeping connectedness is important to all our mental health needs.Be intentional about keeping things simple – as we move t...2020-12-1416 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideSingle Parenting on a Dime at Christmas TimeTips for budgeting during the holidaysIt can be so difficult making it financially as a single parent and even more difficult during the holidays and then add the pandemic on top of it. It is a lot! It can be stressful, overwhelming and feels like we can’t go on but… get some rest and start again tomorrow.To be perfectly honest, I do not think children have to get everything they want for Christmas. Many of us feel guilty about our kids not have having the “perfect” family so it easy for us to m...2020-12-0719 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHoliday Co-Parenting; 25 Tips for Thriving during the Holidays1). Check your schedule and co-parenting plan.2). Get specific about your plan and communicate early with your co-parent partner.3). Once a plan is agreed upon, present a united front with the children4). Be flexible5). Coordinate and plan the gift giving6). Buy a present for the other parent7). Prioritize the kids8). Go for Presence Over Presents9). Remember your child’s extended family and make a plan to include them.10). Sit down...2020-11-3023 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideCo-Parenting In GratitudeCo-Parenting in Gratitude As all of us know, Thanksgiving is a special time to spend with our family and friends, but those of us that are recently separated/divorced and co-parenting or those of us that still need more time to heal from a separation or divorce, the last thing that might be going through your mind is celebrating, let alone feeling thankful and then with the pandemic, there are lots of emotions.In this season and especially with the pandemic, it is really in our best interest to set aside our differences with our c...2020-11-2316 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideI Didn't Give Him Up, I Gave Him More .....Open Adoption Family Style - Part 3In this episode you will hear my conversation with Brey, my oldest daughter, Nico, my son that I placed for adoption along with Teresa Harwood, Nico's adoptive mother. You will hear about how Brey and Nico navigated thru their emotions after our visits. There are lots of laughs and plenty of stories.My prayer is that this episode will shed light on the various threads that make up our quilts of "families". There is no "one size fits all" family. Love is what binds us together. I have so appreciated you all allowing me share my family with...2020-11-1636 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideI Didn't Give Him, I Gave Him More - Interview with Nico Harwood - Part 2In this episode my son and I discuss our open adoption relationship and the 21 year journey that we have been on. You will be able see first hand our relationship and how we have navigated our open adoption relationship. We share memories and lots of laughs.2020-11-0935 min
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideI Didn't Give Him Up, I Gave Him More.... Our Open Adoption Story - Part 1November is National Adoption Awareness month and I want to take these next few weeks to share with you my open adoption experience. This will be a 3 part series dropping each Monday in the month of November and will include my son, Nico Harwood, Teresa Harwood, the adoptive mom and Brey, my daughter. I thought Brey's experience growing up with the open adoption would be a unique experience for everyone to hear. The first part will feature Teresa and myself sharing our experience and how we became forever connected. I will take you on a chronological journey of our open...2020-11-0247 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideLetting Go of Anger - The best birthday gift you can give yourselfThis week is my birthday week and in thinking about my birthday and the best gift that I ever gave myself, I was reminded that it’s not in the actual material gifts but in the forgiveness to myself and others. “Letting Go of Anger” is by far the best gift I gave myself. Some of the ways I have learned to Let Go of Anger are:1). Identify and Acknowledge the anger2). Understand the Anger and that it originates from feeling powerless3). Express the anger and learn to sit with it4). Practice Mindfulness5). Be...2020-10-2621 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHow to Navigate the Holiday's with your Co-ParentDeborah Lenee' gives strategies for navigating the holiday schedules with your co-parent partner.Figure out a schedule in advanceConsider sharing the holidays together - I know it is not for everyone.. maybe not for this year or season but with time and space it is possible.Benefits of sharing the holidays:· Both parents get to see the child on the actual holiday· No disputes of having equal time or transfers· Your child’s life is less disrupted· Have both parents together for a peaceful time can make the child...2020-10-1918 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideEffective Tips for Homeschooling and Distance Learning Parents - My Interview with Rachel SoutherlandIn this episode, I interview Rachel Southerland who is a mother of six children. She successfully homeschooled all of her children and they have all gone onto higher education including three obtaining a Masters and one working on a Masters. She provides insight, knowledge and tips to help us navigate this new world that many of us are experiencing. Some of her insight includes the following:1). If you can make it the first year, you can make a long time2). Ask for help. Asking anyone in your social circles to help assist with subjects that your k...2020-10-1132 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideThree Tips for Getting along with your Co-Parent Partner or SpouseIn this Episode Deborah Lenee' gives you three tips that you can use to get along with your Co-Parent Partner or Spouse.1). Find something in common2). Focus on the Positive3). Forgive even whenIf you can learn to do these three things you will find, freedom, peace and joy.2020-10-0415 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideMy First Born; A Conversation with BreyIn this episode my oldest daughter and I will tell our story and how we grew up together and how our faith carried us through. We talk about the good, the bad and the ugly but above all we will LOVE.2020-09-2828 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideDecades x 3On this episode you will hear a little bit about me, my oldest daughter Brey, my youngest Ava and my thirty year journey of parenting, single parenting and co-parenting.2020-09-2122 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideHistory Explained; This is Deborah's WhyIn this bonus episode, I explain a little about her history and why she started this podcast. I am so glad you are here! 2020-09-1906 minCo-Parenting; Your Thrive GuideIntro - Deborah Lenee - Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide PodcastAn inspiring, engaging and informative podcast for all our co-parenting dilemmas.2020-09-1503 min