Shows
Parental DevelopmentA Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of ThatThis episode is a little bit of everything, all based on situations happening in Leah's house.How do we validate anxiety without contributing to it? How do we challenge unhealthy thoughts without being invalidating? How do we just sit in the discomfort with them?Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram2023-10-2543 minParental DevelopmentReplay: AttachmentIn this episode, we FINALLY talk about attachment, Leah's first love and truly what guides everything she does as a parent and a person.Attachment is a reciprocal relationship between people and begins to develop in utero and continues throughout childhood, but particularly in the first three years of life. As we respond to our babies in distress, we start to hardwire their thoughts and beliefs about themselves, other people, and the world around them.Over time, our responses to our babies change, largely when they become mobile and develop language but remain incredibly important t...2023-09-2047 minParental DevelopmentReplay: It's About UsIn this episode from 2022 Leah does her own work, in front of everyone. Illustrated by an interaction with her 9-year-old, she works through her own history and how it impacts her responses to her own children.We often assign very negative intentions, motives, and behaviors to our kids when they are incredibly young, setting the stage to maintain these negative beliefs about them as they age.The messages we got as children seems to determine the negative attributes we assign our kids. As a child, if we were taught that we had to listen to adu...2023-08-1634 minParental DevelopmentI'm so Proud of YouThis episode talks through how the successes and challenges of our kids say nothing about us as parents, even though many of us feel like it does and let this drive our response and parenting style.We all have different areas that are important to us as parents and that we focus on and struggle to find our worth as a parent. These might include:1. Sports2. Academics 3. Clothing4. BehaviorIf you find your worth in these areas, then when your kid struggles, you have a higher likelihood of punishing, shaming, or b...2023-08-0937 minParental DevelopmentWhat Are You Really Angry About?Is it anger or something else? Parenting anger is so tricky and something we often don't know how to manage or discipline. In this episode we talk through it all.Kids need to learn ways to manage ALL emotions, not just anger. When we single out anger we lose sight of the overarching skill kids need.Anger is almost always a secondary emotion nd there's something under the surface that's causing us to appear and act angry.When we teach our kids that we always want them to share their thoughts and feelings, t...2023-08-0240 minParental DevelopmentStill LearningToday we talk about the ongoing reactions and hard behaviors with Leah's 10-year-old son and she is trying to navigate it and make sense of his behavior and their relationship.Going through challening seasons with our kids can be really challenging, even when we've adopted this new way of parenting and see their behavior through a new, more respectful lens. It's ok to be burnt out and need extra time and support.Our kids are learning new skills and ways of being and that will always be messy. We can keep helping them learn, "not...2023-07-2638 minParental DevelopmentParent YourselfIt seems to be harder and harder for parents to manage their emotions, and this episode talks through why that is and what we can actually do to try to develop skills to manage ourselves when we're triggered and dysregulated.Most of the time when we lose control and feel dysregulated, it's happening outside of our awareness. So the first step to be able to effectively manage our emotions is to have awareness about what's happening. Our brains go through the same thing as our kids when we get triggered, and understanding this can allow us more g...2023-07-1946 minParental DevelopmentWhat TheIn case you mistakenly thought we've got it all together, this episode will say you straight! We talk through lots of situations that hopefully build a sense of community and an understanding that we're all in this together!This podcast episode talks through in more detail the concept of guilt and how we can tell if what we're experiencing is actual guilt or something else.If you want more insight into how to talk to kids about hard things, check out this post on instagram too.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser...2023-07-1242 minParental DevelopmentNew ParentsThis episode includes Leah's top 10 tips or suggestions for first time parents, or even second or third time parents.1. Trust your gut2. Set boundaries if you need to3. Each awful stage is just that, a stage 4. Find support5. Find time for yourself6. Let your parenting style evolve 7. When in doubt, connect 8. You only have to be good 30% of the time9. Prepare to do your own work10. Enjoy itSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on...2023-07-0546 minParental DevelopmentReplay: TantrumToday's a replay because, life. This is one of our most downloaded episodes all about every parent's favorite topic: tantrumsTantrums can be one of the most challenging things to manage as a parent. They seem to come out of nowhere and can feel almost impossible to stop. This episode talks through some of the science behind tantrums and what parents can do to try to manage them a little better!It's important to remember that tantrums are a healthy, normal part of a child's development. They allow young children to express their feelings and...2023-06-2847 minParental DevelopmentBlind ObedienceThis episode is part 2 of our discussions about the Shiny Happy People documentary, and goes over the flip side of authority which is blind obedience. The idea of obedience pervades our society and is usually the barometer people use to demonstrate the 'goodness' of kids. Kids aren't 'good' just because they do what other people say.When we tell kids how good or bad they are, we often teach them that if they're bad they lose relationships, they aren't wanted as much, they lose friends, they can't do certain things, or worse. It doesn't give k...2023-06-2136 minParental DevelopmentUltimate AuthorityIf you've watched the new documentary, Shiny Happy People, then this episode is for you! We talk through the idea of authority and how dangerous it is to teach kids to follow and obey all authority, no matter what.The idea of authority will always increase the risk of abuse. When we think about how we want our kids to react if they're being abused, including kicking, yelling, biting, sayng no, then we have to help them learn how to react similar ways when they're not being abused.I will always back my kids up...2023-06-1435 minParental DevelopmentCurfewsThis episode keeps it simple, talking about curfews and how to establish and maintain them for kids as they get older.How do we establish curfews? Do we set them arbitrarily? What would happen if we just let kids decide when to come home on their own?What's the purpose of a curfew? To make sure kids get enough sleep? To keep kids safe? To teach them how to make good choices?Does a curfew really keep kids safe or teach them how to make good decisions? They can get in just as...2023-06-0733 minParental DevelopmentFear-Based MotivationThis episode talks about fear-based parenting and the specific neurobiology of fear. Some parents talk about how their kids have "healthy fear" of them, which makes them behave themselves. But really, the only healthy fear is the fear that helps keep us alive.Brain science teaches us what happens in our brains when we're faced with threat - Can I outrun this? Can I beat this? Then you would fight or flight. If you can't do either of those things to stay alive, then you have to come up with a different plan, which often m...2023-05-3137 minParental DevelopmentDeath 'N' Dyin'How do you talk to you kids about death and dying? What do you do about funerals? How do you help them cope? This episode answers all these questions and more, trying to help us support our kids during really challenging times.Kids cannot fully understand death and its finality until they are 8 or 9 years old. This makes it difficult for them to process death and react in ways that feel appropriate to us as adults.To help kids with death:Be completely honest Don't try to control their responseBe prepared for it to t...2023-05-2441 minParental DevelopmentLet the Punishment Fit the CrimeThis episode talks about consequences, which usually means punishment and often doesn't address the actual problem or behavior. People use these words interchangeably, but they actually are very different.Many people only know two ways to change or manage behavior: rewards or punishment.We believe that misbehavior is a sign of a need or a missing skill or a desire for connection, which means imposed consequences are not effective in actually fixing any of those problems.Attempting to impose consequences can very often create a power struggle, because we can only "force" our...2023-05-1746 minParental DevelopmentLet Them Be Who They AreThis episode is basically two scenarios that happened in Leah's house this week that illustrate lots of things we talk about on a regular basis. Apologizing, rupture and repair, and letting our kids be who they are.To apologize, there is no room for justifying our negative behaviors as parents. There can be no, "you made me mad," or " it was because you did...." The ruptures in our relationships are healthy and inevitable. The repair is where the learning, growth, and attunement can happen. As parents, it's easy to feel bad out ourselves when we...2023-05-1034 minParental DevelopmentTell Me AnythingThis episode was at the request of Beka, after seeing a TikTok video talking about "attention-seeking" behaviors. It's important to remember that wanting attention is not a problem and is even a biological need our kids have and has to be met in order for our relationships to be strong and supportive.If you want other information about connection and relationships, check out the episodes here and here.Attention seeking behavior changes as our kids age, but the function is always the same: a need for connection and to be seen and validated.B...2023-05-0346 minParental DevelopmentDesire for RewardsWhy do we continue to use the sticker charts? They're so common and often suggested for parents and teachers, even though we have so much information about some of the negative effects of token economies. This episode talks through this concept and different ways to change behaviors and motivate our kids.A 2023-04-2651 minParental DevelopmentUnconscious MindWe were due for a really nerdy episode, so this is it! Internal working models are a common concept in attachment theory and are really critical for how we develop our own beliefs and stories as we age.The information in this episode comes, at least in part, from this episode of a different podcast. Internal working models generally mean our innermost beliefs, ideas, and stories about ourselves, other people, and the world. They're developed, at least in part, within the first 3-5 years of life.Kids change their behavior based on 2 questions: What bring p...2023-04-1944 minParental DevelopmentReplay: Mental HealthWith spring break traveling and other life things, we decided to replay our episode discussing mental health. We thought it was relevant with everything going on in our world, so we hope you enjoy!Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram2023-04-1247 minParental DevelopmentMultiple ConversationsThis episode is a bit all over the place - we cover a listener question about a 4 year old who is focusing too much on a boy in her classroom who professed his like for her. And in a hard left turn, we talk more about mental health in light of the Nashville shooting last week.So many of us grew up with a focus on relationships - Disney movies, relationships, etc. and we as parents are trying to make sure our young kids aren't focused on these types of relationships and are just learning to interact...2023-04-0544 minParental DevelopmentGetting Ready For SchoolHow do you know your young child is ready for school? What if they don't want to go? How do you handle drop off? We're answering all the questions in this episode!Find a school you feel good about and examine how ready your kids are to go to school.Prep, prep, prep: avoid "I'm not going to tell him until the day before so he won't worry about it." This almost never works and misses the opportunity to let them express and it's their big feelings.Your kids are going to cry...2023-03-2937 minParental DevelopmentFriendsThis episode talks through ways to help your kid with social interactions, coach them on how to be a good friend, and teach them how they should be treated in relationships.As always, validate their feelings about their peers, even if it's unkind or inappropriate. Give them space to share their experiences, questions, and relationships. It's important to help kids take the perspective of others, which can develop new ways of dealing with social problems. Avoid giving directives for how a problem should be solved and instead help them think through situations and develop solutions o...2023-03-2235 minParental DevelopmentExpectations (Part 2)We cut last week's episode short, so we needed another one to finish our conversation about expectations.In last week's episode we talked about the need to lower expectations if our kids are showing us with their behavior that they can't do the task. But what if your kid has done it in the past and now all of a sudden they are refusing or saying they can't do something anymore? There is still a function behind this behavior, and I choose to see this behavior as a CAN'T do as opposed to a WON'T do. This...2023-03-1536 minParental DevelopmentLower Your ExpectationsThis episode talks through the expectations we have for our kids, how to make sure they're realistic and look at them differently, through this new parenting lens.Can we differentiate our DESIRES for our kids from the EXPECTATIONS of our kids. Expectations feel like boundaries or rules, which can lead to the punishment, control, shame, or coercion we're trying to change in this type of parenting.If we truly believe that "bad" behavior is a lack of a skill, lack of connection, etc. and that all behavior makes sense, then it's impossible to truly expect "...2023-03-0840 minParental DevelopmentNeural PathwaysNeurons that fire together, wire together. It's important that the information we learn is cemented into our neural pathways so we can access it, even during times of stress. This episode talks through the neuroscience and how to strengthen our pathways in this way.In times of stress, we go back to what we know. When stressed, your brain's only goal is to keep you safe and try to survive. We don't have additional energy to try new things, remember novel information, or learn something different. What always feels safest to us is being in control. That...2023-03-0140 minParental DevelopmentConnectionWe all talk about needing to connect with our kids, but often seem to misunderstand what that means or how to do that in more challenging situations or difficult emotions. This episode talks through ways to dip a toe in their emotions while also pulling them back with us into their window of tolerance.See Me: really seeing what they're doing, showing interest; imitating play with younger kidsHear Me: actively listening, listening without correction or judgment; giving space for real conversationFeel Me: Joining the feeling, no matter...2023-02-2246 minParental DevelopmentFearSo many of our kids have fears that are unrealistic and illogical, leaving us so confused as to how to respond, help support them, but move them past their fears in a clear way. This episode talks about all of this, and gives some other information or options to help navigate these issues.Our kids' fears should be validated, without trying to talk them out of their fear or convince them that what they're scared of isn't truly scary.Is fear the way kids have learned to get our attention, connection, or attunement? If so...2023-02-1541 minParental DevelopmentLet's Talk About SexIt's not just sex. It's boundaries, reproduction, puberty, and yes, sex. These conversations are hard for most parents, and we're talking about it all!Viewing hard topics through our adult eyes can lead us to oversexualize information, when kids do not assign it that meaning at all.If your kids are asking questions, they need information. Avoid saying, 'you're too young for that,' 'we don't talk about that,' 'you don't need to know that,' or anything similar. Those responses don't make their questions go away, they just let them know that you...2023-02-0847 minParental DevelopmentThere's a New Kid in TownThis week's episode talks about how to manage bringing a new baby home when you have other kids. This is always tricky, but we have some suggestions and thoughts about other possibilities to make this a little easier.If you have very young children, even after being prepared, cannot truly understand what having a new baby means or how it's going to impact them and their routine or relationships.Ideas:1. Prepare them as much as possible2. Get them a gift from their new sibling3. Be honest 4. Maintain routine 5. Create baby fr...2023-02-0139 minParental DevelopmentAsk Me A QuestionThis episode answers more listener questions, covering all kinds of topics.When thinking about how to help our kids manage negative behaviors, there is an approach (The Nurtured Heart) that suggests that kids require different levels of energy from us, even when we're praising and validating them. You can here more about this idea in this podcast episode or this book.The goal in responding to our kids' big emtions is not to make all negative emotions go away. There is growth and power in experiencing hard things and emotions and learning how to survive...2023-01-2547 minParental DevelopmentBreak the CycleThe whole concept of this type of parenting is staying aware of our reactions as parents and having some insight into where those reactions come from and how we can make changes to respond to our kids in more healthy, respectful ways. This episode covers a specific example of how Leah is doing that work for herself with her son, and provides some ideas for ways to engage in our own healing work that can, in turn, change the trajectory of our children and our relationship with them.We all want our kids to be successful, which...2023-01-1844 minParental DevelopmentADHDWe're back! After taking a much needed break, we're back to discuss one of the most common diagnoses for kids: ADHD.There has been a significant increase in the number of ADHD diagnoses over the last 5-10 years, leading us to question: Is it really increasing? Are we getting better at diagnosing? Is there increased awareness? Are we overdiagnosing?There is an increased awareness that ADHD-like symptoms are often the result of a disrupted attachment, largely due to the brain changes that happen when kids are faced with adverse experiences.Ultimately, we still...2023-01-1144 minParental DevelopmentMerry Christmas, Happy HolidaysThis week goes over all the common holiday issues we often face with our kids, including unwanted touch, food, getting gifts, and boundaries!Overall, let's lower our expectations - our kids are going to be a disaster. Give them (and yourself) grace!I care more about my relationship with my kids and what they think about me than family members I see a couple times a year.Kids should be in charge of their own bodies!If adults get their feelings hurt because a small child doesn't want to hug/kiss...2022-12-1441 minParental DevelopmentClimb Every MountainMy kid won't stop climbing everything!!! This week talks about a common issue parents face, particularly with young kids, but gives a different perspective on what might be driving this behavior in our littles.What in the Week - while we want our kids to understand how their behavior impacts others, it's also important to help them understand that they are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of other people.When all we do is chase the behavior of our kids instead of trying to understand the 'why,' we miss key opportunities to...2022-12-0752 minParental DevelopmentConscious ManipulationThis week's episode talks through ways parents use dishonesty and threats to manipulate the behavior of their kids. In this week's 'What in the Week,' we again talk through ways to hold boundaries for our kids while being gentle and validating the feelings and reactions to our kids. There's a difference in trying to manage how our kids feel about boundaries and managing their behavior. Gentle parenting does not allow kids to do whatever they want. It DOES allow kids to have whatever reaction and feeling they want.For some reason, we feel validated...2022-11-3037 minParental DevelopmentKids Say the Darndest ThingsOn this episode, we have our very first guest: Leah's 9 year old son, Lincoln! He shares his unique perspective on ways grown ups can help our kids manage emotions and learn ways to handle stress.Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagramSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram2022-11-2328 minParental DevelopmentDon't Take Your Love AwayMany parents use their relationship as a bargaining chip and tool to manage their kids' behavior, which can be problematic. This episode talks through this strategy and some of the unintended consequences that might come as a result, and gives alternative ways to prioritize our relationship with our kids.Often because we recognize how important attachment is for our kids, we then turn around and use that same attachment as a way to try to change kids' behavior and 'teach them a lesson.' This type of approach makes it almost impossible to feel safe and secure i...2022-11-1632 minParental DevelopmentSuicidal ThoughtsThis episode is tough, but important. After a local completed suicide by a teenager, we wanted to talk about lessons learned and ways to protect our kids as much as possible.All of this information illustrates clearly the importance of starting to have hard conversations with your kids from an early age. The teenagers I talked to talked about how bad their mental health is and how their parents respond to them whenever they talk about their struggles. Overall, teenagers feel invalidated and unsupported by the adults around them and don't have an outlet to actually communicate...2022-11-0950 minParental DevelopmentBoundariesWe're back! We took a brief hiatus because of stuff going on in our lives, but we're excited to have a conversation about boundaries!!Some people who don't understand this type of parenting believe there are no boundaries for our kids, and even parents who do parent this way struggle to know how to hold a boundary in a safe, connected, supportive way. If we can start to expect that our kids will have a negative reaction to the boundary, it can make it easier to respond with respect and connection as opposed to anger and coercion...2022-11-0247 minParental DevelopmentREPLAY: One More Thing I Wished I'd SaidIn this episode, Leah finishes explaining Polyvagal Theory, and how the ladder helps us understand the state we and our kids are in - Safe and Connected, Fight or Flight, or Collapse/Shut down. The sisters talk about the importance of us staying in "Safe and Connected" so we can bring our kids with us, into the only state where they can actually hear us, listen to us, follow directions, and solve problems. We must pay attention to and insert cues of safety for our kids, such as tone of voice, posture, and facial expressions.It's important t...2022-10-2653 minParental DevelopmentREPLAY: She Blinded me with ScienceIn this episode Leah really nerds out on the neuroscience associated with this type of parenting - did you know we have more than 5 senses?! She discusses several different theories and research, including the science of interoception, Allan Schore's paper on regulation and attachment, and Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory. While this information may be difficult to take in and fully understand, it also supports many of the ideas and interventions associated with parenting our kids from this perspective.We want our kids to feel safe and connected, recognizing that the concept of neuroception means we're constantly scanning f...2022-10-1947 minParental DevelopmentTeachersWhere are our teachers? This episode is specifically for you! We've gotten questions about how you might implement this type of parenting/relationship building in a classroom, so we decided to talk about it!Before we can talk about classroom management strategies, we HAVE to remember the brain science associated with our kids. If you're not familiar with that, listen here, here, and here! When kids (or adults) have flipped their lid, they are incapable of learning new information, making good choices, and processing language.If you are contributing signs of danger to kids when...2022-10-1254 minParental DevelopmentGirls, Girls, GirlsThis episode continues our discussion about gender and parenting, talking through how to raise resilient girls.Overall, we want our daughters to own their voice and opinions, be confident in their thoughts and feelings, and to understand their worth and that it's not dependent on anyone else.Similar to boys, we want to avoid most of the gender stereotypes, including clothing, toys, and activities. We always want to model healthy relationships and gender roles/norms. How you structure your family and divide responsibilities is not what's most important, but instead how you talk about those r...2022-10-0542 minParental DevelopmentBoys Become MenThis episode talks about some things to consider for those of us raising boys within this style of parenting.Most of our boys get messages throughout their childhood that value strength, minimizing emotional expression, and leadership. This teaches them to ignore their emotions and the messages their body is sending, for the sake of appearing strong and in control.Emotional intelligence has generally been determined to be greater in girls when compared to boys. We tend to expect heightened emotionality from our girls, and we often respond accordingly, which integrates those messages more and more.2022-09-2847 minParental DevelopmentNext GenerationIn this episode Leah and Beka talk about their own parents - what they think about the podcast and gentle parenting, and how this process has impacted their relationship. We also discuss how to navigate relationships with family members who may not agree with everything "gentle parenting" related.It's important to remember that families of origin have the greatest impact on kids, so even if your children are with other people or family members often, parents and guardians have the greatest influence. You can allow your family members to have their own relationships with your kids, while...2022-09-2135 minParental DevelopmentSocial SkillsThis episode talks about how social skills develop for our kids, and ways we can support them through that development!Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagram2022-09-1450 minParental DevelopmentWho Are Parents?We believe that lots of people "parent" our kids, even if they're not their parents. This episode talks through some of the considerations with these scenarios and what to think about if you're "parenting" a child.It's important to remember that a child's family of origin always has more influence over that child than anyone else, including relatives, peers, or teachers.We make a distinction between LOGISTICS, like eating, screen time, etc. and FELT SAFETY like sleeping, bedtime, etc. Even if you don't agree with certain parenting practices of a child's parents, you can still e...2022-09-0741 minParental DevelopmentA Different ViewThis episode talks through the science and practical steps of a young boy who has difficulty controlling his anger, even though he's remorseful for his behavior.We're patnering with the Soothing Snuggler to do a give away!! Keep an eye on our social media next week!This episode builds on previous episodes (here and here) that cover basic brain development. It's important to remember that in a stress response, the parts of the brain that are responsible for learning are not online.1. Get the lid closed through coregulation2. You as the adult h...2022-08-3144 minParental DevelopmentWelcome To My WorldSo much happened this week in Leah's family, we needed an entire episode to talk through it all!Follow up on a talk about weight, body image, healthHow to give your kids opportunities to safely make mistakes instead of just saying 'no'How to respond when your child swearsHow to respond to self-harming behaviorsSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagramSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to p...2022-08-2444 minParental DevelopmentBody ImageThis episode talks through how to talk about weight changes, health, and body image with our kids.How we talk about our bodies and the bodies of others sets the stage for how our kids think and talk about their own bodies. It's important to pay attention to the subtle messages we're giving, even inadvertently. When there are noticable weight changes, be careful about how you talk and ask about the changes, being intentional to avoid placing judgment on the change - "you look great," "wow, you've lost a lot of weight," or "you look s...2022-08-1738 minParental DevelopmentBack To SchoolAs our kids head back to school,this episode gives some tips and tricks to make this time of year a little less stressful and little more connecting with our kids.To help with the stress associated with back to school, try these things:1. Prep - give them as much information as you know - what will drop off/pick up look like? Who is their teacher? What will their classroom look like? What is their schedule for the day?2. Forecast - Forecast different scenarios - what's it going to be like to see your...2022-08-1030 minParental DevelopmentValidationThere has been quite the dust up in the Gentle Parenting community over the last week, which triggered Leah enough that she needed to talk about it!There seems to be a real misunderstanding of the meaning of the phrase "validating emotions." To validate simply means to ACCEPT. It doesn't mean all emotions are right, positive, feel good, etc. At the same time, emotions are different than thoughts. While we always want to validate the emotion (I'm sad), we don't necessarily have to validate thoughts (no one likes me). Emotions aren't something we can control...2022-08-0346 minParental DevelopmentIt's About UsIn this episode Leah does her own work, in front of everyone. Illustrated by an interaction with her 9-year-old, she works through her own history and how it impacts her responses to her own children.We often assign very negative intentions, motives, and behaviors to our kids when they are incredibly young, setting the stage to maintain these negative beliefs about them as they age.The messages we got as children seems to determine the negative attributes we assign our kids. As a child, if we were taught that we had to listen to adults bec...2022-07-2734 minParental DevelopmentThere's Another WayNow that we've encouraged you to stop using physical punishment, this episode gives specific ideas related to other discipline techniques.We talk through specific questions from parents about what to do to address back talk, sucking fingers, damaging property, and more! Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts!We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to info@parentaldevelopment.com!!Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!!FacebookInstagramSubscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, A...2022-07-2053 minParental DevelopmentStop Hitting KidsThis episode addresses parenting and discipline using pain and physical punishment. The research is very clear about how physical punishment alters brain structures and functioning and causes kids to feel unsafe and as though they have to survive these interactions.If you're not clear on typical chlidhood brain development, start here!Spanking may lead to short term behavior change but doesn't teach kids what to do differently. You can look at research studies here, here, and here to give clear information about the impacts physical discipline has on kids. One of these articles note: "spanking i...2022-07-1351 minParental DevelopmentNo BitingThis episode talks through really challening behaviors including biting, hitting, and spitting. Most of us understand this behavior is somewhat normal but often don't know how to respond in a way that is helpful.If you're not familiar with typical childhood brain development, go back and listen to this episode. This is important when thinking about many of the negative behaviors our kids display in early childhood. Our young kids are unable to take the perspective of others, which means they can't understand that just because something hurts them it will hurt others if they do it to...2022-07-0636 minParental DevelopmentDear Single MomsThis episode talks through a really sensitive subject, and Beka and Leah do their best to have an honest conversation about the challenges of being a single parent, and how to navigate some of those situations.If abuse is happening in your relationship, your children know more than you think they do, and there is very clear research about the impact this can have on children. Until everyone is safe in their relationships, and able to get out of survival mode, no additional changes can happen.Regardless of the nature of the coparenting relationship, kids...2022-06-2938 minParental DevelopmentNo QuittingParents often ask if they should let their kids quit sports, clubs, lessons, etc. We fear that if we let them quit they'll be quitters forever and never learn to work hard. In this episode, Leah and Beka talk through their thoughts on this and ways to teach these skills.All skills are taught:Gradually over timeThrough Multiple repetitionsWith Several different inputsIt's important, as always to chase the why when your kids' behavior changes. Understanding WHY your kid wants to quit something, and forcing them to continue doing it...2022-06-2247 minParental DevelopmentSibling RivalryWhen our kids fight with one another it can be so draining and super challenging to know what to do in those moments. This episode talks through ideas for how to intervene and help our kids develop skills.Our kids' first exposure to developing social skills is their relationship with their siblings. This gives them the opportunity to practice their skills in conflict resolution, apologizing, empathy, etc. This means that the fighting our kids engage in with one another is completely normal and can even be healthy, as they being to practice and learn these new skills.2022-06-1546 minParental DevelopmentMental HealthMental health has been thrust into the national conversation over the last few weeks, often leading to suggestions, ideas, and conclusions from people who do not work in the field and have no experience with the system. This episode does not involve much about parenting, but Leah provides some education and insight into the system and possible solutions moving forward.There is a difference between mental health and mental illness. We all need to focus on our mental health and wellness, and how we feel, manage stress, emotions, and behaviors, while mental illness suggests a formal diagnosis...2022-06-0847 minParental DevelopmentHard ConversationsIt's been a really challenging week for all of us, and many of us are questioning how to talk to our kids about some of the really hard things going on in our world. This episode talks through some of those concerns and gives some thoughts and suggestions on how to approach this.Like most things, the degree to which you talk to your kids about certain topics or situations depends on their age. If you do decide to start a conversation, here are some suggestions and things to think through: Ask them what they know...2022-06-0132 minParental DevelopmentFood, Glorious FoodThese statistics about our kids' relationship with food and their bodies are heartbreaking, and led Beka and Leah to talk about food and how to use different tools to promote healthy relationships with food, body autonomy, and interoception. It's important that we don't use food to motivate, reward, or soothe our kids, so those messages don't get hard wired as they enter adolescence and adulthood. It's also important that we build our kids' interoception, which includes:Letting them eat when they're hungryLetting them stop eating when they're fullTeaching them to notice how their body fe...2022-05-2549 minParental DevelopmentRupture and RepairAs parents, we often beat ourselves up when we experience a rupture in our relationship with our children. This episode explores the idea that ruptures are inevitable and can even be healthy for relationships, because they give us opportunities for repair. Attunement is one of the main goals in this type of parenting, and according to Dan Siegel, "when we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another." Ruptures, or failing to attune to our kids, can be big or small in relationships, and...2022-05-1836 minParental DevelopmentLittle LiarsWe all want to raise honest kids and when they lie it can be really hard to know how to respond or what to do!Lying is a very normal part of child development and there are lots of reasons they engage in this type of behavior. Here are some reasons kids are dishonest:1. They can't separate fantasy from reality2. They're trying to relate to others3. They're projecting their feelings onto other people4. It doesn't feel safe to tell the truthUltimately, we can't control what comes out of our kids...2022-05-1146 minParental DevelopmentTriggeredThis episode covers a listener question about how to stay calm and regulated when our kids trigger us, including trauma triggers.It's first important to differentiate typical triggers that bother us as parents and those that are related to traumatic memories. Typical behaviors that challenges us as parents include whining, hitting, throwing things, etc. and we talk through some ideas on how to address that behavior.Trauma triggers are something different, and create a response in our nervous systems that makes it much harder to manage and respond appropriately. Ultimately, a trauma response happens when yo...2022-05-0441 minParental DevelopmentOn the Same PageThis has been the most asked question we've ever received: How do I get my partner/spouse on board with this style of parenting?Research has demonstrated there are generally four different types of parenting, based on differing levels of demandingness and responsiveness. Research has also shown that an authoritative style of parenting generally leads to the most positive outcomes in our children, such as school achievement, social skills, depression, delinquency, and more.Leah does a deep dive into a research study that looks at the impacts of parents having different styles, and how that...2022-04-2741 min