Shows
Quick HitsIf cynicism is the opposite of naïveté, what does balance look like?Rick Alcantara started this conversation off by saying he doesn’t think this is a valid question because they aren’t mutually exclusive. He believes you can be both naïve and cynical at the same time. Further into the conversation he mentioned the word “rational” that could be a middle ground.
Laura Agafitei brought in the idea of healthy skepticism. For her that means being open to learning why someone believes what they do and then analyzing those reasons in light of her own biases and beliefs. The bottom line for her was not trusting e...2023-10-0910 minQuick HitsHow do you notice when you subvert your needs to avoid conflict and what do you do about it?Brandon Mahoney started this conversation off by saying he uses this as a tactic to end a conflict. It allows him to feel like the better person for being willing to walk away and perhaps sacrifice to make the other person happy.
Chelle Shapiro agreed. She will intentionally take herself out of a conversation to keep it from escalating; particularly if the other person is really not interesting in hearing what she has to say.
Philip Tate commended Brandon and Chelle for being self-aware enough to recognize when they are choosing to...2023-10-0610 minQuick HitsDo bad bosses know they are bad?Elissa Hecker started this conversation by saying, yes. Some bad bosses do know and they don’t care. And on the other side, there are bad bosses who don’t realize they are bad. They could be insecure, overcompensating, or want to be everyone’s friend.
Pascal Derrien thinks that some bad bosses are in denial. They may have become a boss as social posturing, for status reasons, and don’t really care if they are a good boss or not. Pascal says people like that aren’t managers, they are damagers.
He can als...2023-10-0509 minQuick HitsWhy is it so easy to just accept toxic work environments?Catarina von Maydell started us off by talking about environments that normalize “toughness” with sayings like, “If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.” Plus blaming and shaming – If you can’t handle it, that is your fault.
Rick Alcantara agreed adding that there can be a mentality of just grin and bear it because people don’t feel like they have an opportunity to go somewhere else.
Stewart Wiggins suggested there might be a generational component. That the younger generation is less likely to tolerate toxic work environments...2023-10-0410 minQuick HitsAre leaders responsible for fostering innovation and creativity on their teams?Todd Karges started this conversation off with a yes. And adding that it is even more important for leaders to create an environment where innovation and creativity can thrive. That means allowing space for learning, outside the box thinking and failure.
Jennifer Watson talked about a survey that showed what employees want and need is psychological safety. The ability to screw something up and know their boss has their back and they will be welcome in the group. She also believes that it is important for a leader to be able to pull in the r...2023-10-0310 minQuick HitsWhat does it mean for something to be fair?When I was little my dad used to say, “You want fair? Go to Turlock in August.” That’s when and where the county fair was held each year. That was his way of saying life wasn’t fair and that was too bad.
Dr Bob Choat started our conversation off by talking about culture and how, depending on where you are and what biases you have, fair might be seen differently.
For Lisa Howard two words came to mind first, balanced and impartial. She then went on to add, moral, ethical, f...2023-10-0210 minQuick HitsHow do you help your team understand how their work fits into the bigger picture without overwhelming them with details?This panel has decades of combined experience running a host of different types of teams.
Kevin Wash started us off. His expertise is in sales for international property development. From his point of view, you can share the goal numbers and where the company is along the path to achieving that goal. It is a very clear metric and not overwhelming at all.
Brandon Mahoney went next. He is a master of sales as well but in the startup arena. He agrees with Kevin that the first thing you need is ve...2023-09-2910 minQuick HitsIs leadership an art or a science?Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by saying she has looked at this topic a lot over the last few years and she thinks it is both and neither at the same time. Some people seem to get to a certain point in leadership development and get stuck. Other people just seem to be naturals at it.
Daisy Cedeño loves the humanity in this question. Science is about have a theory, structure and the evidence. Art appeals to the senses and our emotions. Doesn’t that make leadership both? However, she leans towards it being an a...2023-09-2810 minQuick HitsWhat causes you to feel resentment and what do you do about it?Sara Oblak Speicher started us off by sharing that things she perceived as unjust, like an athletic coach being harder on her than her teammates, used to cause her to feel resentment.
For Bill Haase resentment is how he feels about making a bad decision and the cost associated with that decision.
Catarina von Maydell liked the idea of connecting resentment to the choices that we make and she took it a bit further, associating it with power and pointing out that the feeling of resentment is a signal that one of...2023-09-2710 minQuick HitsWhen was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it and what did you learn?Oh what fun this conversation was! By the end I felt so inspired.
James Lee started us off by sharing that he traveled internationally by himself for the first time recently, going to Dubai.
For Todd Karges his new thing was meditate.
Cole Galloway was up next and he told us that he made a decision a few years ago to do new things all the time. He orders something he’s never had at restaurants. He wears clothes together that he never has. He tried acting for t...2023-09-2610 minQuick HitsHow do you keep a conversation flowing with a stranger without talking about yourself?The easy answer to this is “ask questions.” But about what? I’m pretty extroverted and can carry both sides of a conversation if I need to. But I wondered how other people keep a conversation flowing. Enter my wonderful panel:
First off, we learned that Kevin Wash has a game he plays (yes really!) to see how much he can learn about someone without telling them so much as his name. (Side note – I find the last thing people ask me is my name.)
His tip – start with an interesting question tha...2023-09-2510 minQuick Hits“Do your own research” is an insult, but how do you avoid confirmation bias when looking for the truth?Joey Robert Parks started us off by saying he tries to keep an open mind and look for counter-arguments to his existing opinion.
Jim Tam came in next to say that it feels like someone is being lazy when they say “do your own research.” Or maybe they don’t really know the answer. He believes it takes a very secure person to challenge their own biases and keep an open mind.
Lisa McDonald pointed out that actual scientific research is about looking for things that say your hypothesis is wrong. But the...2023-09-2210 minQuick HitsHow have you functioned in a dysfunctional workplace? Part 2The conversations I’m posting yesterday and today were born out of the discussion: How should anger be expressed in the workplace? https://youtu.be/q8uPMUPGvgY
After we turned off the recording for that conversation the panel started talking about how hard it is to express anything in a dysfunctional workplace. We didn’t all have time to record again right then so we came back together to create this conversation.
In this part of the conversation, I asked the panelists to share their stories.
Claire Schwart...2023-09-2110 minQuick HitsHow have you functioned in a dysfunctional workplace? Part 1The conversations I’m posting today and tomorrow were born out of the discussion: How should anger be expressed in the workplace? https://youtu.be/q8uPMUPGvgY
After we turned off the recording for that conversation the panel started talking about how hard it is to express anything in a dysfunctional workplace. We didn’t all have time to record again right then so we came back together to create this conversation.
Ten minutes wasn’t enough so we ended up with parts one and two.
Catarina von Mayde...2023-09-2010 minQuick HitsYou can’t please everyone all of the time – does that mean you shouldn’t try?Oh boy. Trying to please everyone all the time sounds exhausting to me. But Tim Hawkes was keen to have a go at this question because he believes that saying, “You can’t please everyone” is a cop out to not have to bother trying to make a situation better or care about upsetting people.
Stewart Wiggins agreed to a point. He shared an example of giving $20 prizes and people complaining that they were given $20 bills instead of smaller bills.
Lynn Whitbeck disagreed. Looking at it from a business standpoint she said, “T...2023-09-1910 minQuick HitsHow do you respond when someone says something mean and then adds “just kidding”?Well, this was not the conversation I expected to have on this topic. All three of my panelists they use “just kidding” in conversation.
In contrast, I find it inauthentic and rude.
Bonnie Versace shared that she uses it as “benign sarcasm.” She doesn’t mean for it to be harmful or detrimental in any way.
Atif Agha agreed saying some people just think it’s funny or they might be using it to say, “I didn't mean to say it, or it didn't come out right.”
Bran...2023-09-1810 minQuick HitsDoes the end ever justify the means?Dr Cole Galloway started us off by saying there is no absolute answer to this question. It depends on what the “end” is and it depends on what the “means” were. There are certainly times were winning the battle isn’t worth the damage you caused to win it.
Joe Pici came in with a hard line in the sand. “The end never justifies the means. How you get there is more important than arriving.”
Fallon Siniscarco said it comes down to morals. She would rather work really hard and not get the outcome...2023-09-1510 minQuick HitsWhy does having someone pity you feel so awful?Pity is a strange emotion. Is it the same/similar to empathy? I didn’t think so but one of the panelists suggested that maybe it is. Listen in and see if you agree or not.
Daniel Gramkee started us off by noting the difference between just pitying yourself verses having other people notice that you are.
Alexi Bracey noticed that when someone is feeling pity for you, they mean well but often come with unsolicited advice and information, which can make you feel worse rather than better.
Kev...2023-09-1410 minQuick HitsWhat if you don’t have friends at work?When I asked, “Is it important to have friends at work?” (https://youtu.be/9egtuaT11y8)? This panel unanimously agreed that it is very important.
The question of what if you don’t have friends at work followed so naturally that we had to get together again to discuss it.
Dave Roberts started us of by saying if you don’t have friends at work, you can at least be friendly, collegial and cooperative. That could help you get a promotion or develop friendships.
Glady Baradaran thinks that leader...2023-09-1310 minQuick HitsHow do you get over not anticipating an “obvious” problem before it happened?Hindsight is 20/20. Monday morning quarterbacking. It’s easy to look in the rear-view mirror and “know” things were going to turn out like they did.
I share a story during this conversation about doing something “stupid” and breaking something that was important to me. I was SO angry at myself because I know better.
Philip Tate started this conversation by saying you have to give yourself some grace and allow yourself to learn from your mistakes. Later in the conversation he brought up self-compassion.
Stewart Wiggins talked about Mike Ty...2023-09-1209 minQuick HitsHow do you observe but not absorb the stress of living in a global world?Staying informed but not overwhelmed with negative news can be a challenge.
Ed Samuel started us off by saying he uses his faith to help him stay sane in a broken world.
Jim Tam thought that his career was going to be very global, living the ex-pat life, speaking multiple languages. And at first it was very cool working with people from all over the world and learning about their cultures. But then the realities of being awake in the morning to talk to South Africa and at night to connect wi...2023-09-1110 minQuick HitsHow should anger be expressed in the workplace?Before we turned on the recording, we talked about how to word the question. I wondered if we should make gender part of the equation. We talked about how anger can be used for power (Steve Jobs was known to cry to get his way).
In the end, we landed on how to express anger at work. This turned out to be part one of a three-part conversation.
Catarina von Maydell started us off at the beginning – where is the anger coming from and what is the context of the situation?
2023-08-2510 minQuick HitsWhat does it mean to be worthy?Oof. This was a tough one. There was no way we were going to cover something this deep in ten minutes. But we gave it a good try.
Christopher Jerjian started us off by admitting this question stumped him. He thinks it must be about being worth in a specific area because you can’t be worthy of everything.
Fallon Siniscarco said it depends on who is making the measurement. How gets to decide worthiness? If it is someone in authority over you, a teacher or a boss, they get to deci...2023-08-2409 minQuick HitsWhat does it mean to lead yourself and is it a prerequisite for leading others?I recently heard someone give this advice to a group of students, “You have to be able to lead yourself before you can expect to lead others.”
Everyone nodded along like it was sage advice. But I wondered, “what does that even mean and is it true?”
Lucky for me I have a platform designed to asked exactly those kinds of questions.
Kevin Wash answered the second half of the question first with a strong yes. He believes that being a leader requires leading by example. Anything else is hyp...2023-08-2310 minQuick HitsHow can leadership be made more accessible?It isn’t a secret that the farther up the corporate ladder you go, the less diverse it becomes. I decided to ask three guys who have been at the top of their respective ladders about it.
Dr Cole Galloway, who works in social justice, started us off by talking about mission. If you are looking for leaders who will continue to propagate and manipulate and cultivate a top-down mission, you are going to have a hard time getting diversity at the top.
Dr Bob Choat agreed and then added that with...2023-08-2210 minQuick HitsYou put together a proposal with a partner. The client only wants to work with one of you. What do you do?This question came from a real-life situation. Regardless of whether you are the one left out in the cold or the one asked to abandon the person you worked with to create the proposal; this is messy.
Karen Loomis started us off by sharing a story of her experience with this exact issue and that when it happened, she wondered what she would have done if she had been on the other side of it.
Rick Alcantara went next saying he believes it is conditional and that he has been on bo...2023-08-2110 minQuick HitsSometimes, there are no important benefits of doing a task beyond a basic acceptable level. True or false?This conversation did not go as I expected it to. I thought we would talk about how you decide when to give 100% and when to let something slide a little bit so you can put more effort into something else.
I am noticing now as I type this, that when I’ve had this conversation before (not on Quick Hits) it has been with women. Now I’m wondering if having more competing priorities makes a difference.
I can 100% tell you, there are things in my life I choose not to do per...2023-08-1809 minQuick HitsWhat is the difference between being skeptical and being cynical?Michael Davis started us off with the perfect framing: a cynic is negative ▪ and stays planted in his or her beliefs. A skeptic is a healthy optimist. It's a difference between being open minded and closed minded.
Stewart Wiggins agreed saying he thinks most of us are probably skeptics but that there are some people who always believe something bad is going to happen. That cynicism often leads to those bad things actually happening.
Gary Fredericks came in strong with the idea that being skeptical is a key ingredient to good lead...2023-08-1710 minQuick HitsHow do you maintain a poker face when it is best to not give away what you are thinking?Jim Tam’s first thought was, if you’re on zoom, turn off your camera. It takes practice to keep a straight face and can be important in negotiation situations. He suggested preparing ahead of time to avoid being surprised because surprise might be the hardest tell to hide.
Stewart Wiggins shared an adage from his time in the military: “if you're smiling, you're not doing your job.” But that learned behavior didn’t serve him when he got out of the military because people would misread his body language.
Catarina von Maydell...2023-08-1610 minQuick HitsIs it important to have friends at work?Glady Baradaran started this conversation by say unequivocally yes. For her, having a best friend at work who she can send an eye roll emoji to during a meeting to feel the relief of having a shared experience is super important.
Dave Roberts agreed saying that having friends at work for the emotional support makes the day-to-day experience better. He also shared a personal story about how having friends at worked helped him get through the loss of his daughter.
Todd Karges brought in the idea of friends being able to pr...2023-08-1510 minQuick HitsHow do you navigate a new position hasn’t been completely defined?We covered some things I WISH I had known when I first started working. It would have saved me a lot of stress.
Brandon Mahoney’s opening volley was that you should assume you are there as the expert. They hired you because they need someone to do something. Exactly what that something is might be up to you to define because you bring knowledge and skills the organization didn’t have before.
Dr. Rhonda Bompensa-Zimmerman added that you have to bring curiosity, particularly if you are brought into a situation of cha...2023-08-1410 minQuick HitsCan emotional intelligence be cultivated as an adult?This was a deep and insightful conversation with three guys who innately have an interest in how we interact as humans. We covered a lot in ten minutes and I would love to hear your (the viewer/listener) thoughts and responses.
Stewart Wiggins started this conversation by posing a different question: why are there so many bad leaders out there or bad managers?
Is the reason there are so many bad leaders because leadership training is trying to teach emotional intelligence and it’s not something you can learn? Maybe you can...2023-08-1010 minQuick HitsHow do you network and stay in touch in the virtual world?Rick Alcantara started us off by sharing the multitude of ways he has been able to network virtually – associations, boards, Chamber of Commerce, chatting with friends and even doing Quick Hits is on the list.
Jim Tam reminded us that your network is your net-worth; which makes networking and staying in touch invaluable. To his point, if you are driving in your car, don’t waste that time listening to the radio. Make a call and have a conversation with someone to stay in touch.
Catherine Fitzgerald is self-professed to be compul...2023-08-0910 minQuick HitsWhat is the etiquette for asking someone to use your calendar link?This is a conversation that needs to be had more often because I don’t think enough people understand how to use a calendar link without coming off as rude.
Steve Ramona started us off by saying you have to have a relationship first. Don’t just throw your link at people and expect them to book time with you.
Janice Dru-Bennett agreed and added that it depends on the relationship you have with the person. A good friend is likely to be put off if you send them your booking link.2023-08-0810 minQuick HitsWhat does it mean to “seize the day?”Karen Loomis started us off with what that saying means at first blush – go as hard as you can and do all of the things. Hard driving, fast moving. All of it all of the time. Grab all the opportunities. But what if there aren’t opportunities to grab?
She added further into the conversation that it means letting go of your to-do list and doing the thing that is now or never.
Yonason Goldson said he used to be the kind of person who said no and then thought about the qu...2023-08-0710 minQuick HitsWhat is “office politics” and what has been your experience with it?Dr. Mohan Ananda started us off by saying there are two kinds of office politics. One that causes problems and for which the person doing it should be removed. Or two – the kind that causes competition and is okay.
I’m not 100% sure I agree with that. I’m not sure it can be defined as “office politics” if it is a good-natured rivalry – although to be fair I don’t think those are healthy in an organization either.
But Kaitlyn Niechwiadowicz agreed that office politics can be either positive or negative and the...2023-08-0410 minQuick HitsWhy is letting someone help you such a powerful connector?Asking someone for help shows vulnerability and trust. But what if you don’t ask. Instead, they offer. Does accepting that help create the same kind of connection? My experience says yes. I asked today’s panel why they thought that was the case.
Lisa McDonald started us off by talking about the safety that comes from connection and trust.
Dr Peter Economou added that we are communal beings and brought up the difference between how men and women ask for and accept help (ask for directions lately?).
And L...2023-08-0310 minQuick HitsHow do you get a subordinate to tell you a difficult truth?Philip Tate wanted to hit lead-off on this one because he sees it as the ultimate communication question. You have to create an environment that encourages honest dialogue and ongoing conversations by asking open ended questions and being an active listener.
In a communication audit, you need to provide anonymity and confidentiality if you expect to learn the truth about a difficult topic.
Abby McCloskey agreed. You have to lay the groundwork for a good relationship if you want someone to be comfortable enough to share hard things with you. And wh...2023-08-0210 minQuick HitsWhat do you expect from people if they are empathizing with you?This is harder to explain that I expected it to be. It is interesting how we can want something from someone but not be able to explain what it actually looks like to receive it.
Fallon Siniscarco started us off by talking about active listening and not having a pity party (I can get behind that! There is nothing worse than trying to talk to someone about something and getting pity instead of empathy.)
Kevin Wash believes that some people have the ability to empathize and some people just can’t and...2023-08-0110 minQuick HitsWhen someone is sharing mis-information and you know they are wrong, what do you?Well, this wasn’t an easy conversation. As is the case with so many of the questions I ask, it depends. How much does it matter? Who is it hurting? Will it make any difference if I do/say something?
Judy Musa started us off in a great place – Am I sure that I am understanding the person who is giving the information and am I sure it is wrong? She went to verify her source before making a decision about doing anything else (smart).
Dr Bob Choat is a self-admitted resear...2023-07-3110 minQuick HitsCan you think outside the box without understanding what is in the box?This question follows on the idea that you have to understand why rules in an industry are in place to break them well or safely.
Stewart Wiggins started us off by asking what makes something outside the box and suggesting that if all previous knowledge is inside the box than any new or different solution is going to be outside the box.
Simon Coles thought that maybe not knowing what is inside the box might keep you from being trapped in there and allow you to think bigger. But then also ad...2023-07-2810 minQuick HitsWhat is the difference between arrogance and confidence?Dr Bob Choat started this conversation off strong by introducing the Competence Model. If someone has competence, they tend to be confident but if someone is pretending to be competent, they are more likely to be arrogant.
Dawn Gagye summed up her thoughts succinctly, “Confidence as quiet and arrogance, as loud.” I think that is spot on. She went on to talk about how the energy feels different and how body language even comes into it (watch her part of the video. She does a great job of explaining it.)
Judy Musa ag...2023-07-2710 minQuick HitsWhat would cause someone to be labeled “difficult”?This topic came out of the conversation where I asked “How do you deal with difficult people? (https://youtu.be/q83cXRIYkBI)
Karen Loomis and I have both been called difficult on more than one occasion. Interestingly, Frank Galindo and Jim Tam never have.
Karen started this conversation off by saying she has been called difficult when she doesn’t go along and just accept what someone else is saying or demanding. Challenging someone or pushing back on something will cause her to get labeled.
Jim agreed and sai...2023-07-2610 minQuick HitsHow do you keep a team from undermining or sabotaging a top performer?When I was in high school and college other students would often shame me for doing well because I was “ruining the curve.” I have similar stories from working production jobs. “Don’t work so fast. You make the rest of us look bad.”
Tim Hawkes pointed out that the average performers don’t have any motivation to work harder. It’s much easier to tear someone down.
Dr Cole Galloway agreed that the only angle into the problem is from leadership. But that often there is a leadership vacuum. The idea that you ca...2023-07-2510 minQuick HitsHow do you know if your empathy is being taken advantage of?Dave Roberts started this conversation off by talking about feeling drained, having someone come to you for everything all of the time and needing boundaries.
Fallon Siniscarco acknowledged that it’s normal to go to your friends for advice (never mind that they likely don’t have much more life experience than you do). But if there isn’t balance over time in the friendship, you get to talk about your stuff too, that might be time to start to wonder if you are being taken advantage of.
I then shared a story...2023-07-2410 minQuick HitsWhat factors cause someone to be silent or even join a bully rather than standing up to them?Victor Fralof started this conversation with a straightforward answer – fear.
Brandon Mahoney and Stewart Wiggins agreed and I thought we were going to have the first Quick Hits ever that was over in less than three minutes.
But then we started talking about why it makes sense to align yourself with rather than against a bully. Why bullies become bullies. How people used to be more likely to “mind their own business” but now it seems like people might step in (is that true?)
We talked about how we ha...2023-07-2110 minQuick HitsIs building trust for the purpose of selling or getting something manipulation?Every sales training I’ve seen talks about building trust. If you are a good human and selling something someone actually needs or wants and you are engaging in good faith – that’s not manipulation - - right?
But, if you're sleazy and trying to get them to buy regardless of their needs or wants – tapping into their emotions and building trust to sway them – that is manipulation and that’s not cool - - yes?
Joey Robert Parks shared a story about how he used to lie – a lot. And...2023-07-2010 minQuick HitsHow do you address a problem with a conflict avoidant person?This was an interesting discussion to have with three people who don’t mind conflict and will jump right into or even invite a challenging conversation.
Gary Fredericks tries to start by finding common ground, something that can be agreed upon, to show he is as interested in their success as they are.
Inga Hebdon added that it depends on what you are trying to address. It is different if you have to deal directly with them versus helping them deal with a conflict within their team. But regardless, people who want...2023-07-1910 minQuick HitsDo you have to love yourself before you can truly love others?As one would expect Rabbi Yonason Goldson started us off with the biblical idea of “love your neighbor as yourself.” The idea being that you have to love yourself before you can love others. But what does it mean to love something or someone? He even gave us a quick lesson on Ahavah, the Hebrew word for love.
Lori Donofrio-Galley agreed that you do need to love yourself to love others saying, “If you're able to care and nurture and grow yourself and develop yourself, you'll have a much greater capacity to love others and to under...2023-07-1810 minQuick HitsHow do you answer “how are you” from a friend when “fine” seems shallow but the truth is a rabbit hole?This question came up because I have a friend in the UK who has commented on several occasions how we (North Americans) use “how are you” as a greeting rather than a question. But when he asks me, he is actually asking the question and wants an answer other than “fine.”
I asked Atif Agha to start this conversation off and he talked about being aware. It is the right friend and the right time to actually get into the true answer of how you are. Some people don’t need or want more detail than “I’m f...2023-07-1709 minQuick HitsWhy are you resilient and able to bounce back from adversity?Alexi Bracey started us off by that accepting that mistakes will happen is part of being resilient for her. Not expecting perfection makes it easier to move forward when things don’t go as planned. She also recommends doing things to take care of yourself and feed your soul.
Mario P. Fields says that there are things in life that you go into knowing they will be a challenge, going into the Marines for example. Other times, things come at you out of left field. He likes to look back at things and ask himself how...2023-07-1410 minQuick HitsWhat strategies have worked or not worked for you to get integrated into a new team?Being new to a team comes with all kinds of anxieties and stressors. Coach M J Tolan suggested we start with respect and intentional listening to understand who the players are and what that team is doing.
Todd Karges added that relying on the existing onboarding structure could be risky – sometimes it’s not very good. Make sure you go in being curious about the people and how you and your work fits within the existing context.
Atif Agha agreed that respect is important and that having an open mind, recognizing that y...2023-07-1310 minQuick HitsHow does experience stack up against education?This was a particularly interesting conversation for me because, while I do have quite a bit of education, I spent 14 years working in the corporate world before I ever went to college. When I went, I had a foundation of real-world experience to build on.
Kevin Wash started this conversation by saying his experience in Europe, where education rules, is very different from his experience in the Middle East where experience is king. And he shared a story about applying for jobs in Europe during COVID and not getting a single interview.
...2023-07-1210 minQuick HitsIs saying “thank you” enough?Karen Loomis opened the conversation with the idea that saying “thank you” is something that should be expected no matter the size of the thing – someone holds a door for you? “Thank you.” Someone gifts you money? “Thank you.”
But is saying “thank you” one size fits all? If not, what is the next thing? What is expected?
Cami Travis-Groves then added that if someone is giving or doing something with an expectation of getting something in return, saying thank you is unlikely to be enough for them. But that is completely outside y...2023-07-1110 minQuick HitsHow do you move an idea from concept to clear vision?Being in the communications space, Philip Tate was keen to start this conversation and he brought some real-world experience. In the PR world they have the RPIE model. It stands for - Research, Planning, Implementation and Evaluation and can be used to take something from ethereal to strategic.
Tim Hawkes went next. A self-proclaimed “people guy” he talked about the banking community’s view, all agile with timescales, budgets, objectives and delivery. But they regularly produce unexciting and unengaging rubbish.
Instead, he suggested we need to include the people side and create p...2023-07-1009 minQuick HitsWhat is a good/helpful response when someone tells you bad or sad personal news?This question stemmed from a previous Quick Hits where we talked about how to give someone really bad news (https://youtu.be/f1fiA0bhtfc). This is the flip-side, when someone tells you bad news.
Dr Cole Galloway started us of with sage advice – engage like a human. Put the business and professional airs aside and really connect with them. Say that it is awful. Meet them where they are. And don’t jump in to solution mode.
Elissa Hecker followed that up with a personal story about a colleague sharing really...2023-07-0710 minQuick HitsHow do you see people for who they really are?Brandon Mahoney started us off by saying time. There real is no shortcut to learning about someone.
Jim Tam looks at how someone treats people who can’t do anything for them as a signal to who someone is.
Inga Hebdon countered that someone might just have a bad day so you need to give them a second chance (which aligns with the time aspect).
Are first impressions permanent? Brandon thinks not.
Another question we asked – how do you decide when you’ve given some...2023-07-0609 minQuick HitsWhat do you do when someone is sharing too much personal information with you?Laura Agafitei started us off by saying in the professional space she is quick to ask, how is this related to the topic we are discussing? Conversely, personally she is more likely to create some space for the person to share is she is able to listen.
Atif Agha agreed that in a professional relationship there are somethings that are better for you not to know. If someone starts oversharing, get out of the conversation if you can. If you don’t, it could make things uncomfortable going forward.
Todd Karges took...2023-07-0510 minQuick HitsHow do you deal with difficult people?Dr Jesse Carrie likes to start by having a conversation and letting the person know they are making things difficult for other people and giving them the opportunity to change.
Bo Short brought up that people who are good at sales can be more difficult to work with because they challenge. As long as they are challenging in a productive way, that is okay and even a good thing.
Rick Alcantara pointed out that how you deal with a difficult person depends on who they are and your relationship with them. A...2023-07-0309 minQuick HitsWhat is the difference between not trusting someone and being professionally skeptical?I was surprised that this conversation got a little chippy towards the end. Particularly when you realize, I think we all agreed on the main answer to the question.
We started here:
Did you know that marketing professionals are often omitted from answering marketing surveys? Karen Loomis shared that is because marketing people think about marketing differently and could skew survey results. (Because they can see through it?)
Gary Fredericks shared that he has been burned in business by people who sound super confident and act like the...2023-06-3010 minQuick HitsHow to give someone really bad news?Philip Tate kicked us off with a story of someone doing a terrible job of delivering the news that someone was being let go from their job. If nothing else awful people can serve as a bad example.
Camille Diaz added that she believes that giving someone bad news and then trying to comfort them by saying, “everything happens for a reason” is simply horrible. It takes away your power and is telling you not to feel however it is you feel or ask any questions. Just accept and deal.
Kevin Wash l...2023-06-2910 minQuick HitsWhy are we our own worst critic?Cole Galloway started us off by saying it is easy to be our biggest critic because we know all the “bad” stuff about ourselves. We’ve been around for all the mistakes. But he added that we can also be our own biggest fan by remembering all the good stuff too.
Lisa McDonald pointed out that we aren’t taught to look at the positives. Being your own critic is kind of accepted but if you are your own biggest fan people are going to complain about you being too proud, bragging and being full of yourse...2023-06-2810 minQuick HitsIs being kind for selfish reasons still kindness?Tim Hawkes started us off strong by talking about fighting against selfishness and even Catholic guilt. And that a kindness is kind if it delivers a benefit. Whether it is selfish or not doesn’t matter.
Dave Roberts agreed that there can be ulterior motives to being kind; suggesting that if someone is trying to improve their status in the world by doing something for someone, that isn’t kindness.
Atif Agha brought in the nuance that “selfish” has a negative connotation but doing something for someone that brings you self-enrichment isn’t nega...2023-06-2710 minQuick HitsIs it ever okay to take revenge?Dr Laura Dowling started us off a little differently this time by reading from her book about the dark side and the light side of taking revenge.
Sara Oblak Speicher then took us in a direction I had not thought about – the desire of an athlete to “revenge” a loss, which offsets the work of practicing and drives the desire to play harder. She also related it to the feeling you get when you’re told you can’t do something: “Oh yeah, watch me.”
Mohan Ananda looked at revenge from an angle similar...2023-06-2610 minQuick HitsWhat makes something a basic human right?This conversation was hard and is as close to a political conversation as Quick Hits has ever been. Human rights is a touchy subject in general, but trying to figure out what makes something a basic right, that needs more than 10 minutes.
Kevin Wash started us off strong with the idea of anything that preserves human dignity.
Gary Fredericks added taking care of people and brought up healthcare (a charged topic here in the US).
Christopher Jerjian talked about rights versus needs and how you define the sim...2023-06-2310 minQuick HitsWhat does it mean to be snobby?Being snobby is so insidious it is viewed as entertainment on reality TV. We inherently know what it means, but could you define it? Do you know when you are being snobby?
Those are some of the questions I asked today’s panel.
Fallon Siniscarco took the first crack at defining it, suggesting that is has to do with thinking you are better than someone else. And even more, that you have a superiority over them.
Rick Alcantara agreed, adding in that snobbiness also has something to do wi...2023-06-2009 minQuick HitsDoes being happy reduce drive and motivation?This conversation started in a very different direction than I expected.
I asked the question because and athlete client and I were talking about how the angst of wanting more or to be better if motivating.
That made me wonder if happiness and contentment were related to a lack of motivation.
All three of the panelists said no. That they thought happiness was a driver for being MORE motivated.
When I asked about the athlete situation Michael Goldberg talked about his experience as a bo...2023-06-1909 minQuick HitsWhat is the effect of unreciprocated friendship?I don’t know why but I did not expect my panelists to have had so much personal experience with this question. The fact that each of us has been in a situation where our friendship was unreciprocated makes me wonder if it happens to everyone.
And if it happens to everyone, does that mean everyone does it? (a question for a different conversation)
Joey Robert Parks started us off by sharing a story of a friendship he thought he had that was ended abruptly.
Racquelle Pakutz follo...2023-06-1610 minQuick HitsIs having a good “poker face” a good or bad thing?As with many of the topics we talk about here the answer to this one is – sometimes but not always.
If you are playing poker or involved in a negotiation, it might be ideal that someone not be able to tell what you are thinking.
But in everyday life, micro expressions are part of how we unconsciously decide if we can trust someone (I shared a relevant story during the conversation).
If you are in leadership and you never show any emotion, people are going to be warry...2023-06-1510 minQuick HitsIf someone’s intentions were good but the outcome is terrible, was it a good or bad thing?If you have never been a panelist on Quick Hits, you likely don’t know that saying the names for the introduction is hard for me. Even easy names can trip me up. It once took me five tries to say “Christina” correctly.
It’s a good laugh for everyone and I just edit it out.
But this time Tim Hawkes had to call me out. My intention was good. I had practiced Francesca Zampaglione’s last name and I nailed it on the first try. But her first name, nope. I could not...2023-06-1410 minQuick HitsHow much privacy/confidentiality should someone expect as an employee?The short answer to this is (sadly) that you should assume there won’t be any confidentiality. Anything you say to anyone at work is likely to be repeated.
Atif Agha pointed out that on the record most organizations will only say, “yes, they worked here” if they are asked for employment information. But individuals within an organization are not nearly as decerning.
Christina Kelley added that anything you share publicly on social media is fair game for your co-workers to talk about openly. Outside of that people “should” be respectful of your priv...2023-06-1310 minQuick HitsHow do you decide if you should work it out with someone or cut ties?Rick Alcantara started us off by looking at it from a business perspective. If you aren’t getting what you need from a vendor or if a client isn’t paying their bills, it is pretty straightforward that it is time to go your separate ways.
Laura Agafitei wants to give people second chances. She will discuss what isn’t working and see if anything changes. Once she sees a pattern of things not happening the way she needs them to, that’s when she knows it’s time to move on.
Chelle Sha...2023-06-1210 minQuick HitsIs there a difference between personal trust and trust in business?We came up with several different kinds of business or organizational trust. Business to business. Person to business. Alexi brought up employee to business. And the I-don’t-have-a-choice-I-have-to-use-your-services “trust” that we might have with business like the cable company.
We didn’t talk about personal trust as much.
Tim Hawkes mentioned it a couple of times - There is something about feeling psychologically safe – “I know what to expect from you (person or business) and you deliver it every time.”
I suggested that I’m less surprised when an organizatio...2023-06-0909 minQuick HitsHow do you avoid analysis paralysis and using research to procrastinate?If you enjoy learning and going down the rabbit trail to see what information leads to the next, it is easy to get lost in researching.
Brandon Mahoney avoids this by giving himself a deadline of when he has to be done with the research and start putting it into action.
Catherine Fitzgerald agreed that she has a lack of motivation unless she has a deadline.
Stewart Wiggins thought about it from the group aspect, how do you keep a group on task? Identify the problem and cre...2023-06-0810 minQuick HitsWhat is common sense and how did you learn it?Defining common sense is not as easy as you might think! But I do know that being told you have no common sense is meant as an insult.
Michael Davis started us off by saying that physical things, like not walking in front of a speeding car or touching a hot stove – that’s pretty easy to say it’s common sense. But moral and ethical things – that’s harder.
One thing for sure, we learn common sense by exhibiting a lack of common sense.
Kaitlyn Niechwiadowicz added that co...2023-06-0709 minQuick HitsHow did you learn to delegate and what challenges have you had with it?Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by talking about giving someone else the gift of doing the thing you really enjoy or that you feel you are really good at rather than seeing it as handing off grunt work. That opens the door to the mindset that delegating isn’t a horrible thing.
Dave Roberts went next and shared a story about a boss and mentor he had as an addictions counselor which highlighted that being able to delegate starts with creating a team around you who you trust and being willing to share leadership with the...2023-06-0609 minQuick HitsWhat are the most important skills someone needs to succeed in the business world?When I asked this question, I was a little bit concerned that everyone was just going to agree that being good at communication was the top skill and that would be that. But it wasn’t even on the list of things these three guys brought to the discussion.
Mark Iorio started us off by saying resourcefulness was a top skill. The ability to be open-minded and take on new ideas and solutions.
Ian Hendry agreed saying that keeping your child-like creativity was a must. Being able to use things in non...2023-06-0509 minQuick HitsAt work, what makes a leader a bully vs having high expectations and creating accountability?Elissa Hecker started us off with a story about how a new boss ruined an organization by being directive rather than mentoring. She found that scolding rather than teaching when mistakes happen is a difference between accountability and bullying.
Jim Tam agreed adding that intent is also part of it. If your goal is to make yourself look good by pointing out that other people aren’t meeting expectations, that is bullying.
Bo Short pointed out that mandate is a management style, not a good one. That my-way-or-the-highway style if often used...2023-06-0209 minQuick HitsHow did you learn to advocate for yourself?Lisa McDonald started us off strong: “It’s not boasting. It’s telling your story.” She learned to advocate for herself by getting out of an abusive relationship. She suggests rather than saying, “I'm great in this” say, “here's how I serve someone else.” This is self-advocating because as you're demonstrating how your value impacts other people.
Glady Baradaran went next saying you can have both. “You can be caring, compassionate, loving, supportive. And at the same time, do self-care and advocate for yourself.”
Diane Helbig added that once we know how to advocate for ou...2023-06-0109 minQuick HitsWhat do you do if you have to work with someone who isn’t doing their job?In this conversation it was clear that we had very different life experiences. How you answer this question differs depending on whether you are in academia, the military or the business world.
Wayne Buckhanan started us off by saying if you are stuck under someone not doing their job, you match their level of incompetence. It it’s a peer, box them off so they can’t do too much damage and do the best you can.
Lauren Schieffer disagreed saying you never let someone else’s incompetence drag you down with the...2023-05-3109 minQuick HitsHow do you recognize a needy client/boss before you start working with them?Kevin Wash started us off with a story that too many of us had experienced. He was asked for a proposal and the potential client kept coming back to him for more information and in the end, they decided they had enough to just do it themselves and not pay him. (Further into the conversation he said, “Needy means greedy” and that sums it up well.)
In a positive turn, they did have to come back to him six months later and he charged them 50% more. (Not everyone is that lucky when it comes to peopl...2023-05-3010 minQuick HitsHow do you handle it if someone says they will do something and they don’t?All three of the panelists started by saying they try to be curious first. What else is going on in the person’s life that they aren’t able to do the thing they said they would? What support might they need? How can we bring this person around so they can do the thing?
Try to meet people where they are.
There is also something to be said for the relationship you have with the other person. If I know someone’s character, I’m going to respond with that in mind. I...2023-05-2909 minQuick HitsHow would you know if you were part of a clique?Fallon Siniscarco started us off by talking about how cliques can make someone feel like they are superior or better than other people.
Kim Clark went next talking about cliques in the workplace and how the use of acronyms and are jargon that outsiders don’t understand could be a way to notice you’re in a clique.
Stewart Wiggins then asked a provocative question – Are cliques a bad thing or are they just a derivative of a group of people having common interests? He went on to say he thought a clique...2023-05-2610 minQuick HitsHow do you decide how much of who you are personally you share in your business?When I first started my business, I thought I had to be uber professional. I shared almost nothing about me, my life or my story with clients or potential clients. But it felt very sterile and it didn’t make people feel safe or like they could trust me.
Now I am more open and share stories about my past but nothing about what is going on now because I don’t want my clients to feel like they have to support or manage my stress in any way (that would be role reversal and isn’t...2023-05-2509 minQuick HitsWhat is your conflict resolution style when does it serve you well and when is it not ideal?This is an interesting question to ask when I do communication and conflict resolution workshops because most people have never thought about their conflict style per se.
Fortunately, my panelists were able to articulate their styles.
Brandon Mahoney started us off by sharing that his style has evolved over time (mind has too – a lot!) and he has settled on a somewhat collaborative style. Try to work together to find a resolution rather than against each other.
As an attorney Elissa Hecker has situations where another lawyer might...2023-05-2409 minQuick HitsHow do you deal with conflict involving multiple people?This conversation was WAY harder than I expected it to be. We have all be in many situations where there was a conflict involved several people. But the only real helpful solution is to be proactive.
Todd Karges brought it up towards the middle of the discussion. You have to have an upfront agreement (I call it a Team Communication Fingerprint) so you have something to hold people accountable to.
Otherwise –
Jim Tam pointed out that it depends on your role in the situation. If you are the l...2023-05-2309 minQuick HitsAs a thought leader, how do you best benefit from the knowledge you put into the world?Racquelle Pakutz started us off with the warm fuzzies of feeling good about putting good into the world. Being a heartfelt leader, she believes it comes back to her. She added the concrete benefit of growing her network.
Jim Tam stepped up next to say the benefit he gets for his thought leadership, particularly on LinkedIn, is that people either validate what he is thinking or challenge him and help him grow.
Max Lambright gave the metaphor of our lives being like a movie production. There is an entire cast and cr...2023-05-2209 minQuick HitsWhen does being kind become sugarcoating?Dina Perreault started us off by putting a stake in the sand saying that she sees sugarcoating as misleading, potentially manipulative and condescending. She would much rather you come right out and say exactly what you need to say. Be diplomatic, sure. But sugar coating only belongs on a doughnut.
Don Gleason quoted Dave Ramsey, “To be unclear is to be unkind.” He went further to say he feels people use sugarcoating to avoid saying no when they should and that it is cruel to sugar coat rather than just being diplomatically honest.
...2023-05-1909 minQuick HitsWhat makes a group a clique?Of course, any conversation about cliques has to have a reference to the movie Mean Girls and that is how this conversation started. But, as we explained further into the conversation, cliques aren’t just about women/girls. Cliques are a human condition.
Elissa Hecker started us off by saying that cliques is a derogatory term and that they are exclusionary. Some people are not allowed in.
Bruce Wayne added that they are divisive and deleterious to teamwork.
Judy Musa talked about how thinking about cliques took her ri...2023-05-1809 minQuick HitsHow do you tell if you’re being fished into being vulnerable so they can use it against you?It is a common narcissistic trait – they get you to trust them so you will feel comfortable sharing your deepest stories and even trauma with them. Then they use that information against you.
I have personal experience with this as my ex-husband was the king of this technique. Something I didn’t think to mention during the conversation, if someone is sharing other people’s secrets, trauma or stories with you, you can be sure they will share yours with other people. That is a HUGE red flag.
Don Gleason started this con...2023-05-1709 minQuick HitsHow to talk about being good at something without sounding like you are bragging?The two panelists started this conversation on opposite sides of the spectrum.
Kevin Wash gave the example of a heart surgeon – you want them to be really good at what they do and be super confident in their skills. He further pointed out that with his work, his clients should know within seven working days if he can back up his swagger with action.
Coach M J Tolan took the other side with the example of a Grammy winner saying, “Other people seem to think this song is good.”
I f...2023-05-1609 minQuick HitsIf someone has a problem with you, what is the best way to address it?When I asked this question, I didn’t think about all the different situation where it could apply; online, family, friends, coworkers, boss, peer, employees, colleagues – the list goes on.
And each relationship makes the answer to this question a little bit different. How much do you care about the person who has the problem? Some random keyboard vigilante? Who cares. Someone you love dearly, that’s a different question.
Brooke Miles started us off by sharing her experience dealing with comments on her YouTube channel. If she can find a shred of...2023-05-1509 minQuick HitsHow do you handle it when you feel like you ALWAYS have to be the bigger person?I realized over the course of this conversation that it is never about me wanting to slide down to someone else’s level of behavior. Instead it is about wanting them to come up and join me on the high road. (I shared a personal story about that during the discussion.
Stewart Wiggins brought it up first and we all agreed, letting go of an argument is something we learned to be better at with age.
I didn’t share it in the recording but, the idea that you can just let pe...2023-05-1209 minQuick HitsHow do you stop someone from toxic dumping on you?There always seems to be that one person for whom life is absolutely horrible and getting worse and they can’t wait to tell you all about it and drag you down the road of misery with them.
Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by sharing that she used to be that person and it took someone pulling her aside and saying, “Hey do you realize…” before she even noticed it.
Now she uses the physical action of putting her hand up to stop someone in their tracks and give her an opening to...2023-05-1109 minQuick HitsHow do you handle gossip when it’s about you?I’ve noticed that I have recently done several Quick Hits about things that I thought would go away when I graduated from high school – bullying, peer pressure and today, gossip.
But sadly, they are alive and well in the adult world.
During this discussion Simon Coles and I talked specifically about the Better Conversations course. You can learn more about it here: https://betterconversations.courses and feel welcome to reach out to me or use the contact form on the website and mention that you heard about it on Quick Hits.2023-05-1010 minQuick HitsHow do you disagree without being disagreeable?The panelists in this discussion provided some really good, personally tested ideas for disagreeing.
Brandon Mahoney started us strong by suggesting that sharing that he has found it useful to provide some context and reason behind why he is disagreeing rather than just drawing a line in the sand and walking away.
Iris Culp shared some wisdom from her grandmother, “A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.”
And Camille Diaz talked about keeping your own emotions in check so things don’t escalate...2023-05-0909 minQuick HitsHow do you call out inappropriate behavior without shaming someone?Philip Tate started us with a story from his agency days where the big boss made an inappropriate comment to someone. Philip brought the meeting to a quick close. But then, rather than calling the boss out he called him in.
Meaning he had a conversation with him in private and explained why hie behavior was inappropriate.
Fortunately, the boss was mortified and called to apologize.
Bonnie Sussman-Versace had a different experience where she spoke to someone in private about inappropriate behavior and he responded by shrugging it...2023-05-0809 minQuick HitsHow much and in what way do you think how someone looks effects their success?Dr Jesse Carrie shared that when he was in grad school, he used to wear Hawaiian shirts. He stood out but maybe wasn’t taken as seriously as he could have been. He noticed when he got out of school and could afford better clothing, he was taken more seriously.
Laura Agafitei agreed. Saying that she is quite tall for a woman (5’11”) and that she often felt awkward for standing out as a teenager.
Dave Roberts added that as long as his students are dressed appropriately, he is much more interested in inter...2023-05-0509 minQuick HitsWhat causes an organization to have a toxic culture, even when they say all the right words?Todd Karges suggested that it could be that they do have “values” to treat people well but that doing that conflict with their other value to make as much money as possible. (He was not suggesting that as an excuse to treat people poorly.)
Brandon Mahoney said what many of us were thinking – the values on the website are just there to make the company look good. Inside they all know it’s hogwash (That is my word not his.)
That is corporate gaslighting.
Stewart Wiggins said he thinks i...2023-05-0410 minQuick HitsWhat do you do if the kindest thing to do is lie?Oh man this conversation got spicy.
Lauren Schieffer started us off with no hold barred – “You tell the truth.”
From a marketing and PR perspective Rick Alcantara agreed.
And as Kevin Wash pointed out, if you tell the truth, you never have to try and remember who you told what.
But, does the truth mean airing people’s dirty laundry? Kevin Wash shared a story about someone introducing a woman in her place of work by saying she had two kids, by two different me...2023-05-0309 min