Shows
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Took My Boss to TherapyThis is a classic session, from the second season of How's Work? From day one, they’ve described their relationship as “tumultuous," but there are highs as well as lows. One is new to the work force, the other is new to this particular work place. One manages the other. And while they like each other on a personal level, they clash over their fundamentally different approaches to getting the job done.
Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transformed by remote work, inconsistent in-office presence, and an intergenerational workforce. Where Should We B...2025-05-191h 06
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Waited for You to be Ready but Now I’m 40 and ChildlessThey were in love for 6 years and building a life together. They froze embryos and agreed on a timeline for getting pregnant. But when the time came, he wavered, and the relationship fell apart. Now she finds herself alone, angry, scared, and having to rethink her definition of family. She asks Esther, how she can remain hopeful when everything feels so lost?
Topic - Conflict & Polarization
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you...2025-05-1253 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Leave First So You Can't Abandon MeThis week, Esther talks to a caller who often feels let down by her friends. She longs for deeper and more meaningful relationships and worries she is perhaps expecting too much from them. Together, they explore how the emotional responses tied to her past influence her current relationships with friends and her mom.
Topic - Relationships with Family & Friends
Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to...2025-05-0555 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Stuck Between My Daughter and My HusbandA mother comes to Esther for help dealing with the escalating conflicts between her husband and their teenage daughter. She's tired of being caught in the middle and blamed by both sides. Together, they explore the family dynamics and the need for both parents to take responsibility for the relational space they share.Topic - Relationships with Family & FriendsEsther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to...2025-04-2849 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelMs. Entitlement and Mr. Sacrifice Out on a DateThis is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? An on-again, off-again couple in their fifties, dating in a post-divorce landscape, are struggling with different world views, priorities and sexual interests. Recognizing that their polarized dynamic takes the fun out of spending time together, Esther guides both towards less rigid perspectives.Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2025-04-2154 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Can't Love You the Way You Want Me ToTheir relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in. Topic - Conflict & PolarizationWant to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit...2025-04-141h 04
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Do You Love Me for Me or For What I Do for You?"Am I too much?" is a consistent frame for a relationship that so many people come to Esther with. This week, a Southern preacher who has made a career out of tending to the needs of others wonders if she's too much or not enough in her romantic relationships. Esther guides her to explore her sense of self-worth and ask for what she needs. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to...2025-04-0747 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - To Forgive My Ex-Husband I Need to Forgive Myself FirstEsther talks with a young divorcée about the challenges of co-parenting with her ex-husband while wrestling with feelings of anger and frustration. They explore the impact of her past traumas and the difficulties in communication that have led to this strained relationship and how to evolve for the sake of her kids.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.c...2025-03-3150 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelYou are Vocal on the Criticism But Silent on the ComplimentsShe feels abandoned by him, he feels choked by her, and their marriage is at a tipping point. They are a couple so focused on their kids that they have lost their connection and their sense of self. Despite creating a life story where family is the center of everything, they feel completely alone. Can Esther help them write a new story?Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your...2025-03-241h 04Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Perel Invites Us to Imagine Our Preferred FutureWe all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomorrow.To watch the video of this episode go to https...2025-03-1755 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - No Longer Daddy's Little GirlEsther speaks to a woman who has been estranged from her father for almost two years for reasons she can’t quite figure out. Despite multiple attempts on her end to reconcile, she is now trying to grieve the loss of her still very much-alive father. Esther helps her unravel questions about starting her own family amidst this painful cutoff. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, sen...2025-03-0348 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Can Break up with Him But I'm Still Stuck With MyselfEsther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a life defined by fear and distance.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional...2025-02-2439 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Want to Feel WantedThis is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choice...2025-02-1754 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelWhen the Turn On Becomes a Turn OffSexual preferences demand a lot of trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. This week, Esther talks with a couple who are refreshingly open and honest about their fantasies. But after 15 years of marriage, his fetish is no longer her pleasure. Esther helps them uncover the underlying emotional needs driving their fantasies and encourages them to seek a broader and more emotionally connected sexual repertoire.Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more...2025-02-101h 03
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I'm Keeping the Baby...Now What?They had a whirlwind romance, and he spun a tale of their future to come—marriage, kids, a life together. He's in his mid-forties, and she is in her late thirties, and so after only three months together, she is pregnant, and they have broken up. Now, Esther meets her the month after their breakup and tries to help her illuminate a path forward. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to tal...2025-02-0346 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelIs This Worth a Second Chance?Should we have tried harder to make this work? What if you're the one who got away? These are the questions that keep us up at night. This week, Esther helps a couple who were together for eight years and broke up a year ago. They've recently reconnected and wonder if they should give it another try. If they do, can they avoid falling into their old dynamics and truly learn to listen to each other? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a...2025-01-271h 04
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible? Part TwoFor the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here.For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics...2025-01-2056 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible?This week, a caller wonders if she’s sexually compatible with her partner or if they’ve just become too adherent to their sexual patterns. Esther helps her untangle the traumatic pieces from her past before her current relationship that are informing the anxiety she feels when her partner initiates sex. This episode contains references to a sexual assault. Please take care listening.For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the peri...2025-01-1347 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Did I Get Ghosted or Is He Just Not That Into Me?A young woman notices a pattern in her life of frequently being ghosted. And the last time this happened, it really stung. Not only did she lose a lover but she lost an important friend. Did this friend with benefits ghost her or did she miss something? For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity, or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out w...2025-01-0647 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Don't Want to Turn Into My MotherAfter becoming a mother for the first time, a young woman reflects on the complicated relationship with her own mother. Esther guides her through establishing boundaries with grace, breaking generational cycles, and the importance of self-acceptance.If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU.Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to...2024-12-1655 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Grief is Like a FingerprintThis episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening.Recently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. This week, Esther talks to a woman stricken with grief--one year ago, her sister and father died in quick succession. Her remaining family was torn apart and she feels left to pick up the pieces on her own. Esther walks her through how to make space for th...2024-12-0249 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelSay More - Esther Perel on Fantasy with Gillian AndersonRecently, on Where Should We Begin, we've been focusing on the things we sweep under the rug in our relationships—conversations that we have a hard time having with ourselves let alone with others. Oftentimes, our sexual fantasies exist in this space and reveal us at our most bare, showing us not just what we want sexually, but what we want emotionally and psychologically. Even with a loving partner, it can be difficult to share our most personal sexual fantasies. There's often shame, stigma, and a fear of being judged. Award-winning actress, Gillian Anderson, joins Esther to discuss Want, he...2024-11-1859 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelHow Many Times Can I Forgive You?A year after explosive revelations of cheating and the existence of a 14 year old son her partner never told her about, a woman receives a call about a fresh round of betrayal. She is humiliated and in crisis, while her partner’s ability to compartmentalize has rendered him a ghost in his own life. They love each other and parent two boys but may not be able to find a shared reality in which to move forward.If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a vo...2024-11-111h 03
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelFinding Love Would Mean Letting Go of Who I AmHe's been searching for someone for so long that he questions if he's actually looking for a unicorn. He wants someone who holds the same religious values as he does. As is often the case with Esther, the conversation that unfolds breaks down what's really underneath his seemingly high demands. This episode contains references to sexual abuse, please take care while listening.If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. If you would like to apply for a couples...2024-11-0455 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - You Are So Not Invited to My WeddingImagine meeting the love of your life at work. And a few months in, you want to keep the guy but ditch the job. Which is fine—until your fiancé wants to invite your evil ex-boss to the wedding. In this Esther Calling a young woman seeks advice from Esther on how to handle the conflict arising with her fiancé and his decision to invite her former abusive boss to their wedding.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you...2024-10-2149 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelLove the Child, Not the FatherTheirs is an accelerated love story. They moved in, decided to have a baby, and are now struggling to weather the hardships of parenting together. She feels unsupported and like she's the only adult in the room. He is overwhelmed and constantly feels put down by her. They have split up emotionally but not yet physically. Esther helps them sort through the power, gender, and trust issues that so often arise with new parents to see if it's enough to help them find their way back.Esther’s two new courses on desire are no...2024-10-1459 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelBest Friends Don't Make For the Best BossesThey have been best friends for years. He opened a book store and she was his first employee. Things were great until they weren't. She left to preserve the friendship- but a year later they still haven’t talked about what went wrong with them professionally. Esther talks to her about how to start a different kind of business relationship if they were willing to give this another go.This is a special episode of How's Work?, a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. It was edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If...2024-10-0745 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelSay More - Miranda July and Esther Perel on The Rebirth of DesireThis week, Esther is in a borrowed bedroom in Los Angeles, the perfect place to talk about desire and the novel on every bedside table, All Fours. The writer, director, and artist, Miranda July, joins Esther to examine the erotic and to explore how love and desire relate and how they conflict in modern relationships. They discuss the tension between the domestic and erotic through the lens of Esther's new desire course, which Miranda had a sneak peek at.For more details on Miranda July's book, All Fours, visit https://mirandajuly.com/all-fours/2024-09-2355 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?Esther speaks to a woman who feels frustrated and stuck in her dating patterns. She loves going on dates, regularly meets people out and about, and feels open to having multiple forms of a relationship. And still…she gets to one or two or three dates before the relationship fizzles out. Esther gives her a new way to think about it and reframes her frustrations.Esther's has two new courses out. If you are interested in Bringing Desire Back or Playing With Desire in your relationships, then click the link below for more....2024-09-1640 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - Happily DivorcedThey're amicably divorced divorce lawyers, carving out a new kind of relationship after the end of their marriage. Esther reframes their situation and proposes a radical solution.What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.Fo...2024-08-261h 01
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - All The Things We Never SaidOften when a relationship ends, we're left with regrets, questions, and conversations we wish we could have had. Esther helps a woman process the things she left unsaid including the sexual grief and loss she feels after her husband unexpectedly died.What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want...2024-08-1953 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - A Romantic RevivalThis episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. The suicide of his first wife left four traumatized children in its wake; she's spent six years putting the pieces back together. They're both ready to experience joy in their marriage, but can't quite figure out how. Esther coaches them through the difference between survival vs. revival, and how to live after loss.What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trus...2024-08-1252 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - The Other WomanTen years and two kids later, a wife comes to Esther looking for answers: does she want to explore her attraction to women because she's bisexual, or because she no longer wants to be married to her husband?What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were cura...2024-08-0553 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - The Poly Dinner PartyJoin Esther for a dinner table conversation on the topic of polyamory. The dinner was held to mark the anniversary of a panel discussion Esther was part of on the same topic ten years earlier. Together the original panel and a few new friends explore what has changed in the last decade as consensual non-monogamy has become more mainstream, why some advocate for their choices, and what consequences and challenges they still face as well. This is not a session but a fly on the wall conversation. Some of the guests chose to be anonymous, while others allowed us...2024-07-2951 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - A Small Town AffairIt began as a passionate affair and ended two marriages. Now, they're struggling as they try to build trust. Esther encourages them to be brutally honest--with themselves.What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.Fo...2024-07-2250 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - Young LoveThey met in college; he's a U.S. citizen and she's trapped in a cross-border limbo. Their young love complicated by immigration status and politics, Esther helps them appreciate each other's sacrifices as they contemplate marriage.What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a be...2024-07-1550 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelThe Arc of Love - I Don't Think I Want Kids? But My Partner Might?The Arc of Love is my gift to you as your summer beach listen of 2024. A curated collection of stories about trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, attraction and disgust, rupture and repair. As the stories mirror and amplify our own experiences, they help us grapple with the parts of ourselves that hold the same emotions, conflicts, and forbidden truths. Inevitably, one of these episodes will resonate with you, even if it’s not your story. I invite you to listen and tell me which one speaks to you.A man ha...2024-07-0854 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelYou Keep Planning A Future Without MeThey met as community organizers in their neighborhood. She had just gotten out of a multi-year marriage to her ex-wife and began to forge new friendships. After about a year, something shifted for her and she began to develop feelings for him, sending her seemingly solid identity into a tailspin. After 15 years of identifying as a lesbian, she was in her first straight relationship. Now, he is beginning to question what he wants out of life and their relationship and can’t seem to grow out of his youth-formed habits of yearning for greener pastures. They find themselves at an...2024-06-2451 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?Four affairs and four divorces later, she is searching for answers as to why she can’t stop leaving in such an abrupt way. Despite longing for a life partner, she questions her ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Esther seeks to uncover the root of these issues and help her forge a new path forward as she embarks on what she hopes is her final relationship.Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question yo...2024-06-1751 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - What If I Break Up With My Dad?Esther takes a question from a young woman struggling with her relationship with her father. A recent divorce and the slow reveal of an affair on the part of her father has ruptured the family- and leaves her questioning whether or not her father should continue to have a role in her life.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel...2024-06-0349 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - It Feels Like My Siblings Abandoned MeIn this Esther Calling, Esther speaks to a young woman grappling with the burden of caring for her ailing parents and the feelings of resentment she feels towards her older siblings. But the true cause of this family conflict goes much deeper than who is showing up and who is not.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.2024-05-2037 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelDoes Growing Up Mean Growing Apart?They grew up together and now run a production company. They are contending with the growing pains of transitioning from best friends to coworkers and the challenges of running, essentially, a family business. Esther helps them find the complementarity in their roles and see their story as growing and developing even in the face of challenges. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2024-05-131h 03
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Mom Should Have Set a Different ExampleEsther speaks to a woman who is experiencing a kind of a double story. She resents her mother for the choices she made and the example she set, while also wondering if she keeps choosing the safe person as a way to combat those childhood feelings of abandonment. Esther helps her untangle these complicated feelings. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2024-05-0642 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Love is a TrapHe gets to a certain point in relationships before he starts fantasizing about his ex-boyfriends or other future partners. Esther talks him through what he might be holding onto from his childhood that makes his otherwise healthy relationships feel stifling.Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an...2024-04-2240 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Think I Married the Wrong PersonShe gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. Esther helps them to see each other and work towards dissolving the patterns they developed to protect themselves.For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024...2024-04-1554 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My RelationshipsA woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk...2024-04-0850 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Perel on New AI - Artificial IntimacyThis week we're airing a very special episode of Brené Brown's Unlocking Us where Esther and Brené discuss how we manage the paradox of exploring the world of social media and emerging technologies while staying tethered to our humanness. How do we create IRL relationships where we see and value others and feel seen and valued in the context of constant scrolling and using digital technology as armor?For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on th...2024-04-011h 07
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Husband, His Other Wife, and MeThey were aid workers who met abroad, fell in love, and came to the States to get married. After two years, her partner returned to his home country to fulfill his familial duty and marry his brother's widow. Esther talks her through what comes next.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.For the...2024-03-2540 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelSex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor NoahNot all conversations with Esther have to happen behind closed doors. Last week, Esther sat down with Trevor Noah, live from the Vox Media Podcast Stage at SXSW in Austin, for a candid look at the state of comedy in the world we live in. The two of them uncovered some surprising similarities between being a comic and being a therapist. Esther showed Trevor a few ways to become a better listener and Trevor in return helped Esther prep for her new live tour.If you want to be part of that show too...2024-03-1949 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelIf He's A "High Value Man", What Am I?Esther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, but just can't seem to get out from under this painful repetition of events. Esther talks her through why she thinks she finds herself back here time and time again.Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would...2024-03-1133 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Love You One Day, I Hate You The NextThey are a young couple with a small child and they fight non-stop. And while they each have good intentions, they struggle to hear or see each other. What initially made them fall in love with each other, they now experience as a threat. Can they learn to fight but still stay connected to each other?For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect...2024-03-0453 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelSay More - Ira Glass on Is This It?Ira Glass has created over 800 episodes of the genre-defining radio show and podcast This American Life. Each week on the show he weaves together stories around a central narrative theme and he never shies away from the big hard questions. But after almost 30 years of producing the show- he's asking himself and Esther, is this it?For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect...2024-02-2649 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Trust You to Always Tell Me When I'm WrongToo often we can focus on troubles in our relationships and not what happens when the relationship goes right. This week, Esther explores the inner workings of a pivotal pair with podcast royalty Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway. The hosts of Pivot join Esther to delve into what makes them great to listen to and how being open to surprise and difference invites them each to be better people.For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light...2024-02-1956 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Lost Him, But I Lost Myself TooShe lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This conversation contains discussions of depression and death by suicide. Please take care listening.For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and ev...2024-02-1246 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelHe Wants it Everyday, She Wants it NeverThey find themselves at an erotic stalemate. Married for 20 years with four children, they have lost their way with each other. He wants it all the time, and she seems to want it never. Esther encourages them to create sexual invitations rather than nightly demands. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2024-02-0555 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part TwoThis episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. This is the second part of a special two part conversation. Certain conversations stay with Esther long after the caller has hung up. And in this case, Esther wanted to follow up and go further with the young woman with the voice inside her head telling her to cheat on her partner. But this evil voice is not her own. It is that of her assailant in a form of trauma reenactment.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone...2024-01-2534 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part OneThis episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. A woman in a healthy and loving relationship talks to Esther about the fantasies she has of cheating on her partner. Together they delve into whether these are truly adulterous thoughts or if this voice in her head is connected to the unresolved shame and trauma from an earlier sexual assault.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk...2024-01-2245 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelNow That I Have A Girlfriend, I Never Want To Leave My WifeFor years she has been the breadwinner while he has felt like a failure at home raising their daughter. After he found a new career and subsequently, a new lease on life, this couple has been erotically invigorated unlike anything previously in their marriage. She has been freed from caretaking, while he has found another person who is special to him. They come to Esther's office to see if their two (now three) is sustainable.Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherperel.com/survey 2024-01-1558 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?Esther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship, she felt he took advantage of her stability and support without sharing the same feelings. Leaving her believing that she was just his placeholder until something better came along.Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would...2024-01-0832 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelSay More - Neil Patrick Harris on FriendshipFriendships are their own love stories. Our friends provide continuity in an ever-changing world. They accompany us through the trials and tribulations of lovers that come and go, job changes, family rifts, births, deaths, and recoveries. And in the case of Neil Patrick Harris it's his 50th birthday that has brought friends from all the corners of his life together- which as he tells Esther can bring with some anxiety too. In her new Apple Subscription Esther is joined by the actor and Tony Award winner Neil Patrick Harris for an intimate chat. Learn more...2023-12-1833 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Emotional InheritanceA woman comes to Esther with a question about how to move on from the pain that her parents have caused her. They’ve begun family therapy but she wonders if she can continue to have a relationship with her father when his opposing political beliefs directly impact her identity. Is it okay to sweep things under the rug for the sake of family?Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to ta...2023-12-0441 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Is This Survivor's Guilt?Esther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to be there for her. He questions what he owes her for the life she gave him.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send...2023-11-2740 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelShe's Out, He's Still In.After 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true passion for him. He is holding onto the relationship for the both of them and refusing to truly hear her. Esther explores his desire for hope and her desire for change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-11-1358 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Depleted Mothers ClubHow do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new country, new friendships and a new approach to big changes. How to not put the pressure of everything on your partner and try to build a community to support YOU.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and...2023-11-0631 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelA Marriage Organized Around TraumaHe was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther’s guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of.For additional resources on recovery after war, please see:Th...2023-10-3056 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelA Hospital DividedThey're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease that renders her immunocompromised, she begins to wonder why her coworkers can't prioritize her safety. This episode was recorded after the Omicron wave in 2022 for Esther's podcast How's Work that explores conversations between colleagues, business partners, and peers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-10-1658 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Left. Now I Want My Wife Back.He fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com....2023-10-0943 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelTell Me I'm Not AloneThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who used an extra-marital relationship to find independence. After an affair, the choice to forgive and rebuild doesn’t wipe away the pain and the betrayal. Esther guides this couple on their path towards reconciliation and trust a year after the discovery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-10-0243 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Self Love Isn't Something I Grew Up WithEsther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-09-2538 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Brother's Wife Ruined Our RelationshipIn this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?"Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They...2023-08-2827 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling- I Want Her to Like Me LessA woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her?Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. ...2023-08-1428 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Crossed a Line I Never Thought I Would CrossWhat happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused.Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a...2023-08-0732 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Am I Being Gaslit?In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-07-1736 min
Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelDonor DaddyHe donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-07-1053 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Perel is back in session... weeklyEvery Monday morning step into the office of psychotherapist Esther Perel. Each week on Where Should We Begin?, hear real couples in search of insight bare the intimate details of their lives. From break-ups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family listen in and start new conversations in your own relationships.New episodes begin July 10th. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-06-2702 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelLove In War with Esther Perel: UkraineIn this session Esther counsels a couple torn apart by the war in Ukraine. Young sons divided between a mother who leaves for the sake of her youngest. And a father who stays with the oldest for the sake of their country. This episode was done in partnership with The International Trauma Studies Program and One Ukraine. (Ukrainian and English language transcripts available at http://www.estherperel.com/love-in-war-en) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2023-03-1159 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Need Her to See MeIn this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic relationship with her mother. She worries the trauma and violence she experienced in upbringing is dictating how she responds to authority figures elsewhere in her life.The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-i-need-her-to-see-me . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-06-2327 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Still Single at 40In this episode of Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there.The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-at-40. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-06-1627 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelWe Started As An AffairEsther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people.“ Here we see how that plays out when the relationship in question is the result of an affair; when it means the dissolution of two prior marriages and the breaking up families. How does this couple write their own two-person love story when there’s "an entire community of people" with a stake in the plot?The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode9. Learn more about...2022-06-0956 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Stuck In the MiddleHe prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with being the container for his friends’ relationship woes. But, he wonders, can I put up barriers without losing the intimacy of those friendships? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-06-0225 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - I Deserve to Be a MotherShe longs for a child, but her partner isn’t there yet, and as a trans woman she already faces other barriers to parenthood. She worries she’s letting her partner’s indecision dictate her own future happiness. She and Esther navigate the delicate dance between exerting her own wishes within the relationship, without letting the pressure shut down the conversation altogether.The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-at-40. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-05-2631 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Having Needs Doesn't Make You NeedyHe’s in a new relationship and wants it to be exclusive, but he can’t get a read on his partner's feelings. It’s hard for him to have an open honest conversation about his needs without feeling weak, especially when he’s met with silence from her. Esther encourages him to feel confident in his vulnerability and to not mistake having needs for “neediness.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-05-1218 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelMy Orgasm Is Not Just For MeWhat starts as a story of sexual incompatibility and a difference in life goals for these two women takes a wildly unexpected turn during this session. Esther finds herself witness to a fantasy ritual unlike anything she’s experienced before in her work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-05-0557 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelTwice Married, To Each OtherThey were married, divorced, and then married again. And with four kids between them, tensions run high. They fight about everything: the chores, the cats, who gets to tell who what to do. They come into the session with one story and Esther helps them write an alternate version. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-04-2856 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Will He Make The Space For MeHer new boyfriend’s wife died four years ago. Reminders of her are all over his house, from her clothes in the closet to her photos on the wall. It makes the caller feel uncomfortable and inadequate. She wonders if there’s room in his house — or his heart — for her. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-01-2017 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - It's a Matter of PrideIn another episode of Esther Calling, he worries his desire for a serious relationship is putting women off. But early in their phone call, it becomes clear to Esther that he’s talking about a particular woman from his past. He describes his feelings for that woman as “intense”, whereas she was more ambivalent. Esther and the caller explore the question: when is yearning for someone’s unreciprocated feelings more about pride and getting what you want than it is about that other person? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2022-01-1319 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Can Be Strong and Be Taken Care OfAs Esther says, love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are. But when one partner grows up as the child taking care of his mother is it any surprise that he experiences the romantic needs of his partner as a repeat of that same responsibility rather than an affirmation of love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-12-3058 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelI Don't Mean to Be Mean, But...She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least three more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in the background of this marriage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-12-231h 06Where Should We Begin? with Esther PerelAn Intimate Evening with Esther PerelYou are invited to an intimate evening with Esther Perel. In place of this week's session we gather for a few rounds of Where Should We Begin, A Game of Stories. Over the last year to curtail the loneliness and isolation we all felt, Esther and team created a game out of the questions you often hear her ask on the podcast. So please come play a few rounds with her anonymously, of course. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-12-1617 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelWhere Are They Now - A Romantic RevivalFor the first time on the podcast, Esther invites a couple back to her office for a second session. 10 years ago, his first wife took her own life. A year later he met his current wife and she became an overnight stepmother to four children. Three years after they first spoke to Esther, she asks them what has changed? Have they been able to revive and sustain their love despite all of the obstacles? Listen to the original episode from Season 2 here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-12-0253 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelFriendship - My Reliable GiftIn a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NPR's Invisibilia and a sibling episode with Esther can be heard on their podcast this week as well. L...2021-11-2559 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - Losing My Best FriendIn this second episode of Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels she is losing her best friend. The caller feels that her friend is rushing into a marriage to someone she doesn’t approve of. During the call Esther talks her through a new way to see their relationship and where to go from here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-11-1819 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelEsther Calling - My Partner's PrivilegeThis time there is no couch, but instead an unexpected phone call from Esther to a woman who is struggling with the differences between her and her partner's upbringing. He grew up in a comfortable suburb, she grew up having less, much less. She loves her boyfriend but wants to get past the resentment she feels towards the opportunities he’s had. Esther helps her think through how these differences might also play into new strengths between them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2021-11-1119 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelHe Gets the Respect, She Gets the Toilet Paper | How's Work?Married for ten years and co-owners for seven, they bring their home dynamic to work with them. Their employees are sick of the fights and the struggles for power and control, and so are they. Meanwhile, she also worries their roles at their gym have been divided along gender lines.This is one of Esther's favorite episodes from How's Work?, her show about the invisible forces that shape workplace dynamics, connections, and conflict through one-time therapy sessions with coworkers, cofounders, and colleagues. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices...2021-10-0758 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelIf I Quit, What Will People Say? | How's Work?He’s a doctor, she works for the government. Her job is one thing on paper, and another thing in secret. He wants to leave his job, but doesn’t know how. When their busy careers come crashing to a halt because of the pandemic, they face a new reality at home. Who gets to be the one to leave a job during uncertain times? And can they rely on their 19 year marriage for stability and support?This is one of Esther's favorite episodes from How's Work?, her show about the invisible forces that shap...2021-09-3057 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelCouples Under Lockdown: Lagos, NigeriaLast summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a chance at a very different life. He took a dream turn to expand his company and be closer to home; she gave up her nursing job to manage their girls and explore new horizons abroad. COVID-19 hits as they watch the fate of other countries, knowing if it reaches Nigeria with a population of more than 200 million people, it will be devastating. They've been offered a chance to go home, but to what? Leaving Nigeria would mean walking away from everything, but staying could be more than either s...2020-05-1456 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelCouples Under Lockdown: New York, New YorkThey have three kids and their volatile marriage has fallen apart. She still hopes to rebuild. He can't get out of there fast enough. Two weeks before COVID-19 forced New Yorkers to shelter in place, they filed for divorce. Now they feel trapped. If he goes he risks not seeing his kids for weeks. If he stays he worries it will thwart his plans to finally leave. Esther urges them to think about this present time together and not about what kind of future they will have apart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastc...2020-04-1650 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelCouples Under Lockdown: Bavaria, GermanyFor the last year they have lived in separate countries. She took a dream job closer to where she grew up in Germany and he stayed behind with the promise he would follow soon. Six months turned into a year, which turned into a conversation that questioned the foundation of their marriage. It took the coronavirus to get them back under one roof again. While others might complain about the close quarters, this couple hopes to find themselves in each other again. Esther pushes them to worry less about the love that was, and focus now on the love that...2020-04-0356 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelCouples Under Lockdown: Sicily, ItalyThey left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together. For the last two weeks they find themselves confined to a small apartment in Sicily, Italy — he bears the brunt of the domestic duties at home all day. She must report to the hospital every day to help usher in new life as a midwife. Esther helps them come to terms with what these next few months could look like if they learn to communicate with one another in ways that might save their relationship. Learn more...2020-03-2449 minWhere Should We Begin? with Esther PerelPrologueStep into iconic relationship therapist Esther Perel’s office and listen as 10 anonymous couples in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity to sexlessness to loss, it’s a space for people to be heard and understood. It’s also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships. So…where should we begin? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices2017-05-1702 min