Shows
Stance of CuriosityAccommodation versus agenda in supporting PDA nervous systems and Beyond: A dynamic conversation on supporting our youth in moments of stress and overwhelm.Is it possible that in our effort to mitigate overwhelm, we sometimes remove growth promoting opportunities and reduce healthy stress tolerance? Joelle and Gillian talk through their decades-long journey of understanding the experience of neurodivergent youth and the complexity of how to support their capacity to cope with a world built by and for neurotypical people, while offering authentic and worthy learning and skill building experiences. All of us in supportive roles can play the short game to relieve overwhelm and the long game where we face healthy challenges alongside youth. All of us can make the wrong call at...
2026-03-0943 minStance of CuriosityRe-Release: Who's Afraid of What? What to do when team interactions get dicey.Hello, listeners! So far in season four Joelle and Gillian have experienced some illness and even some getting stuck in the tropics and as such we don't have a new episode for you this week, but we hope you will enjoy the re-release of one of the most popular ones from Season 2 and we will catch you next week.First released in June 2025, Gillian shares her strategy of processing adult interactions that don’t go as expected, including at times conflict and defensiveness. Stepping back to consider how fear may be inspiring our responses and re-approaching the inte...
2026-03-0248 minStance of CuriosityPlans, Plans and More Plans!Dedicated, creative, and hardworking school teams make all kinds of plans to support students. Those plans are created in hopes of inspiring regulation, engagement, and the development of new skills. Confusion can arise when the intention of the plan has not been emphasized. Joelle and Gillian discuss the many types of plans that school teams may create, the psychology that informs varied approaches, and the common pitfalls that school teams can fall into in this endeavor. Here is a link to the mindfulness-in-schools ideas Gillian mentioned:Find...
2026-02-2340 minStance of CuriosityWhat is Alexithymia and how might it be a helpful concept?Joelle and Gillian explore together the connection between the outward expression of emotion, internal awareness of varied emotional states, and social interactions. How might the capacity to recognize and express emotions vary among those who are neurodivergent, depressed, anxious, and coping with the impact of trauma exposure? Are there ways that educational staff and other supportive adults can help when there is either a character trait or state that results in restricted expression of affect? Some helpful insight and tips were identified, as well as increased curiosity into this internal experience and outward expression. Find us on Inst...
2026-02-1641 minStance of CuriosityFinding hope in the midst of chronic stressGillian and Joelle take a walk down memory lane to recall all of the helpful strategies and insights that we learned during the immediate aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic to consider how those approaches may help us now. Overwhelming, disheartening, and even at times terrifying events are happening in our country and world. We bear witness to those events while keeping our lives and work moving forward with diligence. This can all combine into feelings of defeat, anger, frustration, and learned helplessness. We learned many powerful and accessible ways to face this situation that we can recall and access now...
2026-02-0941 minStance of Curiosity"It's Not Your Fault!" What the movie Good Will Hunting has to teach us as far as the toll of offering support.In today's episode, Joelle reflects on re-watching Good Will Hunting, the 1997 movie classic, on a recent flight. She and Gillian consider the themes highlighted in this film of the real psychological and energetic toll of supporting someone in a resistant stage of change, and how we can apply this to supporting the nervous systems of school professionals and helpers in general.Find us on Instagram! Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/ Joelle: https://www.instagram.com/joelle.vanlent/
2026-02-0242 minStance of Curiosity"Fear Barfing" and "Parallel Process:" Putting words to the difficulty of working with parents.Joelle and Gillian explore a concept from the world of psychotherapy and how it could play out between a child, their parent, and a school professional. When a child expresses their anxiety related to school demands to their parent, their parent may in turn express that distress to the school professional. We are all seeking reassurance and regulation from each other. We can trip over each other or we can compassionately respond in a firm and supportive manner. There is a concept from the world of psychotherapy called “parallel process” that resembles this dynamic. This concept can help us both resp...
2026-01-2640 min
Emotional PhysicsBye For Now: What does taking a break from a relationship really mean?Oh, y'all. This is our last episode until we don't know when, so that Tink can go have her baby and meet whatever new parts of herself arise in the process! It has been so meaningful to Tink and Gilly to get to work together to make this podcast for you, and that so many of you listened time after time. We realize now that we needed to make this podcast to clarify for ourselves and each other that tools really do exist to build a romantic love that is devoted and connected, yet won't cause anyone to become ill...
2025-11-2734 minEmotional PhysicsThe Elusive Secure Attachment - How can we get it if we were never shown it?Today is the second to last episode of this iteration of the Emotional Physics podcast before we go on a hiatus to welcome Tink's baby! Omgeeeee!Speaking of parenting and families, we answer a poignant listener question about how and if it is possible to go on to have securely attached adult relationships when our parents did not themselves have a healthy relationship. How can we go forth not feeling doomed by our parents' mistakes? Well, listeners, it turns out that secure attachment is a lot more than what we were shown by our parents. We take into...
2025-11-1333 minStance of CuriosityTwo wrongs don’t make a right but sometimes they do make us feel better. Why??Gillian and Joelle do a deep dive into justice seeking behavior, which can present as someone treating others the way they were treated or seeking to make others feel like they are feeling. It turns out there are a lot of reasons why we might be inspired to do so. Our most helpful response in such situations is empathy, validation, and reassurance that their needs are as important as everyone else’s. An emphasis on the use of visual processing tools to find an alternate path to express distress, feel calm, and self-protect is highly effective. Some options include contin...
2025-11-0336 minEmotional PhysicsKink Matching - How to navigate the venn diagram of our most specific desires?Hello listeners! This is our second to last episode of the current season, before we go on baby hiatus! Hiaby? Biatus? Anyway. We answer a listener question on how to handle it when kink preferences don't seem to match up in relationships. Tink offers some very practical ideas related to cock rings and skillful and safer strangulation:https://blog.kinkly.com/what-is-erotic-asphyxiation/Gillian brings her more vanilla energy to the table to help us all remember to consider the unmet need, or maybe even the core wound driving a desire to heal and explore through kink...
2025-10-3031 minStance of CuriosityWhat really is inclusion and how do we know if we are pulling it off?Our lovely and talented guest week, Lauren Hough Williams, offers her expertise as an educator and expert in creating inclusive educational experiences for neurodivergent students. Lauren helps us see inclusion as a mindset that can manifest in a variety of ways. We discuss how to encourage sharing responsibility with the classroom teacher in this effort, as well as creating an environment in which thoughtful risk taking and creativity are supported. While there is no question that inclusion benefits our communities, we discuss how to create plans that maximize the educational experiences of all students in realistic ways. ...
2025-10-2751 minStance of CuriosityProductive Venting vs Fear Barfing: Strategies for managing the adult dynamic of working well with kidsGillian and Joelle talk about the tension that can emerge in professional teams that are in the midst of intense work and limited time for debrief and connection. There are some realistic and practical approaches that can help us effectively process our experiences without risking passing our stress on to our colleagues. For example, there is intentionality in how we use the brief pauses in our day that can shift our overall cognitive and emotional stress. There is also an art to how to express our responses in a vent that can reduce isolation, release stress, and receive a hel...
2025-10-2037 minEmotional PhysicsThe Capacity To Be AloneThis week we share a MASSIVE LIFE UPDATE for the Emotional Physics family! We also answer a listener question about tolerating alone-ness after a breakup long enough to feel its benefits, rather than leaping into whatever new connection is most accessible to us right after relationship loss. We get extra shrinky today and bring in an old psychoanalytic text on what gives humans the "capacity to be alone" (cited below). It turns out that humans are wired for connection and no one is so good at being fully, perceptually, symbolically, and internally and externally alone. That would be dangerous for...
2025-10-1633 min
Two Sides of the SpectrumStartled, Trapped, & Shamed: How to Stop Accidentally Dysregulating Autistic KidsAll behavior makes sense, we just have to make sense of it. In this conversation, psychologist Dr. Gillian Boudreau helps us see that underlying nearly any behavior is fear. And so often, the fear is related to a child being startled, feeling trapped, or being shamed. But if you aren’t looking for it, it’s easy to miss. In this conversation we explore the nuance of each of these - especially for PDAers - and Gillian's exact roadmap for concrete ways to avoid them (complete with clever acronyms for each). This is a must-listen episode to help you unde...
2025-10-151h 00Stance of CuriosityA Curious Look At DepressionJoelle and Gillian discuss what they have learned about depression through their clinical practice. How can we be curious about our own responses to gain insights into how a depressed person is feeling without taking those on as our own? What strategies and approaches are most effective? Why is it almost as hard to support a depressed person as it is to be depressed? Is depression the enemy or another form of self-protection? Where do we find hope in each other and in our experience when it comes to depression? Find us on Instagram! ...
2025-10-1344 minStance of CuriosityWhat Do We Do With All These Anxious Kids At School?In today's episode Joelle and Gillian discuss the nature of childhood anxiety in general and how powerful it can be in creating physical symptoms and derailing learning. Below is Joelle's amazing one-pager including all we discuss in this episode, and more!Strategies for students who get stuck when feeling anxious.Joelle van Lent, Psy.D.1.) Externalize the anxiety and align with the child against the anxiety.Ask the child to give anxiety a name and even draw a picture of what it would look like if it were visible. T...
2025-10-0646 minEmotional PhysicsThe Weak Hinge: Good Boy Syndrome and the related misconception that women were born to calendarIn this week's episode, we answer a question on the "weak hinge" in polyamory relationships. We found ourselves passionately discussing a research study on interpersonal synchrony which drove us into the exploration of the "good boy syndrome" and all ways in which so many folks are deeply afraid of discomfort and hurting feelings. Not to spoil it all, but the conclusion is that if you are gonna be in any kind of relationship you are gonna need to learn how to disappoint and get uncomfortable. Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contactF...
2025-10-0239 min
Two Sides of the SpectrumSafety As The Foundation of Everything with Dr. Gillian BoudreauEpisode 67 was one of our most impactful episodes ever, and today we invite you to re-listen. Often as OTs and SLPs we skip right to teaching our Autistic clients new skills. But what about their experiences of felt safety while they are with us? What work do we need to do so that we can show up calm and connected and ready to support our Autistic kids to feel truly safe before they are ready to learn? Psychologist and school psychologist Dr. Gillian Boudreau talks us through this essential and often overlooked first step to supporting our Autistic clients...
2025-10-0146 minStance of CuriosityBreak The Break Habit!This week Joelle and Gillian took a look at a pattern where students might learn how to use breaks out of the room to self regulate (great!) but then might become over-reliant on this one coping strategy, contributing to extra time out of the class and also perhaps getting in the way of opportunities for belonging and co-regulation in their classroom community (not so great!) Often our over reliance on breaks results in lowered stress tolerance and stamina. Often what the student is doing on a "break" is not directly related to their unmet need. For example, if...
2025-09-2941 minEmotional PhysicsIn many respects the opposite of an episodeHi friends, today is just a quick note to announce that we are moving to an every other week release schedule, so that we can keep bringing you the high quality content you deserve while also keeping up with life as it careens about for us both. We will see you next Thursday with a new episode!Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast
2025-09-2501 minStance of CuriosityWhat do we do about sexualized behaviors and words in schools?In this week's episode, Joelle and Gillian discuss how we tend to conceptualize, and what we tend to recommend for "breathtakingly inappropriate" behaviors and words that can come up in any classroom, but particularly on the middle school and high school level. We discuss the role of social media as having the capacity to bring folks down darker "rabbit holes" when they are mentally dissociated and somewhat vulnerable to assimilating information outside of their values, and the ways in which children might find themselves exposed to material that normalizes a lack of consent in words and behavior. We talk ab...
2025-09-2242 minEmotional PhysicsWhat Makes for Good Sex? An exploration of generational context, expectations, and M&MsIn this week's episode, we answer a two-part listener question - for one, is sex always at the heart of things people are working through in couples therapy, and for two, if sex is so important why is there data that less of us are having it? We found our way into a discussion on the level of fear surrounding sex in a person's upbringing having a surprising impact on the amount of sex they have, thrilling data that Gen X women are actually one of the only demographics having more and better sex these days (and why that m...
2025-09-1833 minStance of CuriosityIs There A Role for Shame in Shaping Student Behavior?Gillian and Joelle discuss concepts related to healthy identity formation, belonging, and motivating behavior change. There are many nuances in this discussion, such as the difference between feeling ashamed and feeling shame, the role of guilt as a "rumble strip" keeping us on track with our values, and how our language can either motivate positive growth or cement a negative/hopeless self-concept. We reference Brene Brown- https://brenebrown.com/articles/2013/01/15/shame-v-guilt/We mention Adam’s Grant’s book- Hidden Potential Find us on Instagram! Gillian: https://www.instagram.com/clearconnectionpsychology/ Joell...
2025-09-1546 minEmotional PhysicsIs My Partner Trying To Help Me, or Control Me? How relationships can foster healthy growth without drifting into manipulation or abuseWell we found ourselves pretty fired up in this week's episode! Here we respond to a listener question on the type of partner change it's appropriate or helpful to ask for. We end up grappling pretty deeply with the conflict between the truth that romantic relationships are often the most profound cauldrons of change and growth in a human lifetime, and the equally visceral truth that TRYING to change a partner can very quickly tip into "uh-oh" territory of control and manipulation. We do our best to own the lived experience we both have that has given us (and thi...
2025-09-1135 minEmotional PhysicsWhat's The Deal With Couples Therapy? Or: If therapists are such good map makers why can't Gillian chart a course from water to glass?In today's episode, Gillian and Rebekah respond to a listener question from someone feeling alarmed that they have been asked to go to couples therapy by a partner, worrying that this might be a punishment or a sign that the relationship is doomed, and wondering what to expect if they do choose to go. We share on some of our experiences in the couples therapy room both as client and as therapist over the years, and hopefully make the whole experience feel less weird, doomsday, or scary. On the other hand, we note the ways that couples therapy can be...
2025-09-0439 minEmotional Physics"How Can I End Things Ethically After I've Acted so Boyfriendy?" Or: A kiss is not a contract, but it's very nice.This week Gillian and Tink answer a listener question from someone looking for a way to end a relationship skillfully and kindly, especially after the vibe may have communicated long-term intent. We engage in some healthy debate about starting breakup conversations over text, and whether we have a responsibility to inform the person we are planning to break up of our general intent before inviting them on a hang to discuss same. We discuss the absolute pressure cooker of dating in the 30s for folks interested in carrying children, and turn to some vintage Flight of the Conchords for wi...
2025-08-2836 minEmotional PhysicsRe-Release: Cheating Part 2!This episode was originally released in March 2025, however Gillian basically just posted it wrong and it landed in people's feeds weird and as such it got missed by many. We are off from recording for one more week as summer chaos winds up, but we wanted to re-release this so folks can have a chance to figure out how to repair once cheating has occurred! If you haven't listened to Cheating Part 1 yet (from earlier in March 2025) you may want to start there. Fun fact: Cheating Part 2 was also the first appearance of our "Listener Question" jingle, an editing wiz...
2025-08-2137 minEmotional PhysicsHurry Up And Be OK So I Can Be Ok! A survival-brain explanation of codependency, and the ways we can heal our relationships from itTink and Gilly are *back!* For now. We actually will be away once more next week because summer is nuts but THIS WEEK we discuss codependent dynamics in relationships and what to do about them. If codependency can be defined as needing the next person to be ok before we can be ok, where does it come from? What might be we be afraid of that can make it so hard to tolerate any distance or discomfort in relationships? On the way we discuss possums in the freezer and tarps in the gazebo, we review for the gazillionth time some...
2025-08-1432 minEmotional PhysicsMicro-Breakups: On relationships that seem to end just as soon as they have really begun, and how to remain CUNTY throughout. Featuring music by Lambrini Girls!In this week's episode, Tink and Gilly catch up on relationship experiences present and past. Gilly shares her love for the relational freedom anthem of 2025, Lambrini Girls' song Cuntology 101, and an accidental listening party for two that she recently hosted on a dinner date. We field a listener question on Micro-Breakups, or what we call the particular confusion and non-specific ache when relationships end a couple of months in, right when we might have started getting cozy and settling in. We talk about how to grieve the hopes you had perhaps *just* started allowing yourself to have, how to sta...
2025-07-3138 min