Shows
ON BOYS PodcastThe End of an EraThe first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago!Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others.We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, entrepreneurism, motivation, sports, suicide, consent, respect, dating, and – again — so, so much more.Jen’s boys grew up in that time. Her youngest is now 19; her oldest, 27. Janet became an Oma (a grandma) — and is looking forward to welcoming two mo...2025-03-1333 minON BOYS PodcastJanet & Jen on Life & Raising BoysRaising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant.In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024.Takeaways:Nobody has it all figured out.Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial.Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process.Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential.You are a different parent than you were a year ago.Boy development is trustwort...2024-10-3140 min
ON BOYS PodcastON BOYS Most Popular Episode of 2022Our February 10 conversation with Dr. Mona Delahooke about her new book, Brain-Body Parenting:How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids, is ON BOYS’ Most Popular Episode of 2022.And no wonder: The Center for Childhood Development calls the book a “game-changer,” and Berkely’s Greater Good Magazine lists it #2 on its Favorite Parenting Books of 2022 list. Jen & Janet’s copies are both dog-eared & marked up because it’s packed with information and easy-to-implement strategies that can change your parenting for the better.It’s an episode you can listen to again and again because you’ll...2022-12-2942 min
ON BOYS PodcastYouth Sports Linda FlanaganLinda Flanagan says youth sports are out of control.And she should know.Flanagan is a former youth athlete, cross country coach, mother of a young athletes, and the author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids' Sports - and Why It Matters.“If your goal is to cultivate a well-adjusted, responsible child who contributes to the family, then limiting T-ball, youth soccer & it’s ilk may be wisest," she says in her book. "Western parenting customs that put the child at the center - usually with the goal...2022-12-1543 min
ON BOYS PodcastFostering Gratitude in BoysFostering gratitude in our boys can help them navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life.And despite what you may think, it is possible to foster an attitude of gratitude in apparently self-centered boys.Science has shown a strong link between kids’ developmental stages and gratitude. As children grow, they gradually learn that they are not the center of the universe, and they gradually — very gradually — learn that they must consider others’ feelings, desires, and needs as well. So, older teenagers are much more capable of feeling and expressing gratitude than younger children. In fact, accor...2022-11-2424 min
ON BOYS PodcastDads Matter (w Marion Hill)Dads matter. Men matter. To become their best, boys need involved dads and male teachers, coaches, & mentors. But when Marion Hill began working in early childhood education in Phoenix, he “noticed there weren’t a lot of fathers around,” he says. Recognizing dads’ importance to kids’ social, emotional, and cognitive development, Marion devoted his effort to engaging dads. He co-founded of M.A.N. C.A.V.E (Men All Need to be Caring Actively-Engaged, and Encouraged), a fatherhood program designed to encourage fathers/male role models to be actively engaged in their child...2022-11-1748 min
ON BOYS PodcastCoffee with Jen & JanetWhat does Janet's 8-month-old grandson have in common with a bunch of guys throwing darts at each other in a dark basement? A fascination with objects moving through space -- a nearly universal male tendency that Janet is witnessing in real-time as her grandson delights in pushing, pulling, and moving objects that are bigger than he is.You can learn so much about boys by simply observing them.It's not always easy to take (or make) time to do so -- especially when you're in the thick of parenting -- but those moments of observation h...2022-10-2736 min
ON BOYS PodcastListener Q & A: Boy Communication, Socialization, & Girl PowerWhy do boys....? Bringing up boys brings up all kinds of questions! Jen & Janet have answers. Photo by Pixabay Tamara asks: Why do boys communicate through physical touch/aggression and use sarcasm for communication rather than regular conversation? Katrina worries that her son may be alienating himself from his friends -- and missing out on social opportunities -- because he's so dedicated to his sport. She says: I'm afraid he's distancing himself from his friends and will one day find himself without them. How do I bring it up without seeming like a nag?? Elena wants help answering her...2022-10-2045 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Through Health ChallengesParenting inevitably includes health challenges.
Kids get sick. Parents get sick. And injuries and accidents happen more often than we'd like. Learning how to manage a medical diagnosis -- and navigate the health system -- is a crucial parenting skill.
"Boy mom" and COVID, cancer and heart failure survivor Jen Singer has more medical system experience than most parents. She was diagnosed with lymphoma when her boys were eight and ten years old.
"I learned, by doing, how to advocate for myself," says Singer. When her local hospital refused to perform a PET scan that she knew was crucial to...2022-09-2944 min
ON BOYS PodcastStep in or Step Back?Independence is good for kids.
Helicopter parenting is bad for kids.
But figuring out when to step in or step back...well, that's a challenge!
When another boy punched her 11 year old son in the face during hockey practice, writer and "boy mom" Caren Chesler acted immediately. "I had one leg over the half-wall and was stepping onto the players’ bench when the coach looked up and our eyes met," Caren wrote in a Washington Post article. " Mine were still saying, 'Are you kidding me?!' while his were saying, 'Lady, I got this.'”
Caren backed away and let the c...2022-09-1542 min
ON BOYS PodcastBraden Bell Explains Middle School BoysMiddle school boys may seem messy and mysterious, but they're also entertaining, challenging, and inspiring, says Braden Bell.
The middle school years are "a wonderful, magical moment," says Bell, an experienced educator, father, and grandfather. "It's important to keep in mind that we are not raising 6th graders, we are not raising 7th graders -- we are raising future adults who currently happen to be in 6th or 7th grade."
Keeping that long view in perspective is helpful because if we stop the metaphorical film at any moment, we're likely to feel stress because a lot of change happens during...2022-09-0847 min
ON BOYS PodcastDeborah Farmer Discusses Emotional Literacy (& Awe!)Deborah Farmer Kris is a child development expert, author, and former educator -- and she still finds raising kids a challenge!
"None of us are slot machines," she says. "It's not like you put in this language and out pops a child who says 'yes, mother.'"
Parenting, Kris says, is humbling, partly because "there's not one method that works for every child." Every child is different. So is every parent.
And yet, helping our children develop their emotional literacy skills is one thing we can do to help them thrive.
You can begin by taking a moment to calm...2022-08-1845 min
ON BOYS PodcastSexual Abuse Affects Boys TooSexual abuse affects boys and men too.
1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). They suffer in silence.
Court Stroud was one of those boys. He was 6 years old the first time he was sexually assaulted. He was in third-grade the next time he was assaulted. More assaults occurred in his teenage and young adult years. And yet, he told no one.
"This is a story I wasn't comfortable talking about, even wi...2022-08-0438 min
ON BOYS PodcastHelping Boys Thrive (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman)Stress and trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive.
Counseling, chiropractic care, socio-emotional learning, and other child-focused interventions may help, but only to a certain degree. For real, lasting, sustainable change to occur, adults must manage their own stress.
"There's nothing good that's going to come of taking our children to others for help until we have looked at ourselves," says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist based in Texas. The first step to helping our boys thrive, she says, is becoming stress-aware.
Chronic, on-going stress can turn into toxic stress and trauma. And trauma can inhibit our ability (a...2022-07-2144 min
ON BOYS PodcastKate Mangino on Teaching Boys to be Equal PartnersKate Mangino is right: “The last thing any working parent needs is to add ‘solve gender inequality’ to their to-do list.”
But if we don't think about gender inequality in the home, we might end up unintentionally perpetuating it. After all, for most of our lives, females have been assumed to be the primary and "natural" caretakers of home and family, while males have been primarily expected to earn a living. Those roles are shifting, of course, but facts are facts: women still bear the brunt of household chores and do most caretaking.
Creating gender equality
"We're talking about a social sys...2022-07-1446 min
ON BOYS PodcastHighly Sensitive People Can ThriveHighly sensitive people -- boys & parents alike -- are prone to overwhelm.
They're also likely to be misunderstood (and, perhaps, misdirected) by parents, teachers, coaches, and others.
"I was told my entire life, 'You're too damn sensitive,'" says Alane Freund, a licensed psychotherapist, highly sensitive person (HSP), & parent a of highly sensitive son.
Alane describes 4 characteristics of highly sensitive people, which can be remembered using the acronym "DOES":
Deep processing
Over-arousal
Strong emotional reactions
Sensitivity to subtle stimuli
In simple terms, a highly sensitive individual has a "more reactive" brain, Alane says, and a "finely tuned nervous system." (Fun fac...2022-07-0744 min
ON BOYS PodcastYou-ology: Puberty for Every BodyPuberty happens to every body - and boys need to know how puberty affects bodies and brains.
You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes, addresses puberty in a holistic, inclusive manner. That's important because "all kids need this information," Dr. Hutchison says. "All kids need to know what all kids go through. It makes them more supportive and empathetic of each other."
Boys need to understand female puberty, and all kids today need to learn about the challenges and experiences of gender non-conforming and non-binary children.
Boys typically begin puberty...2022-06-3038 min
ON BOYS PodcastEvil Witch Claire Zulkey on Life as a Boy Mom"Boy mom" Claire Zulkey is the only female in her family. (Yes, the family dogs are male too.)
She's also a self-described "evil witch" & creator of Evil Witches newsletter, a fantastic community and newsletter for people who happen to be mothers and know that you can love and loathe your kids at the same time.
Claire's son are now 7 and nearly 10, and she's learned to let them handle their own disagreements, for the most part. (After teaching them ways to compromise and manage conflict)
"I let them be mad at each other," she says. "I let them work it out...2022-06-2345 min
ON BOYS PodcastHonoring Dads on Father’s Day (& Always)Father's Day here in America was first celebrated on June 19, 1910.
It wasn’t declared an official holiday until 1972—58 years AFTER Mother's Day was made official.
Dads have long been assumed to be secondary parents, at best. But popular and persistent stereotypes of fatherhood -- though perhaps grounded in some truth -- don't accurately depict many fathers.
How stereotypes hold back dads
These stereotypes, though, affect boys and men. They can feed a mistrust of men and fathers that affects potential dads too. The common "incompetent father" trope (think Homer Simpson) can cause people to unconsciously assume that "you're going to be bu...2022-06-1650 min
ON BOYS PodcastMichael Ian Black Discusses “A Better Man”Michael Ian Black shares some important and (mostly serious) thoughts about how to be a better man with his son -- and all of us -- in his book, A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son.
The question of raising good men seems all too significant as the United States (again) wrestles with the fact that nearly all mass shooters are male. But there is hope.
"Boys, in general, for all of our problems -- and we have them, & they are not insignificant -- are okay," Black says, "Boys, like girls, are resilient and strong and creative...2022-06-0934 min
ON BOYS PodcastBritt Hawthorne on Raising Antiracist ChildrenBritt Hawthorne, a mom of 2 boys and author Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, says that raising antiracist kids requires teaching them to identify unfairness.
It includes incorporating an anti-bias lens when doing, well, almost anything. Britt's oldest son was about 12 years old when his homework required him to imagine he was a colonist in Jamestown or Plymouth and write a letter to relatives back home in England. The boy completed the work as assigned, but his mom took it a bit farther.
"Who do you think this assignment is centering?" she asked. "Who had cousins in England in 1620?"...2022-06-0254 min
ON BOYS PodcastTeens and Sleep with Lisa LewisSleep is as important to our teens as our toddlers.
But ensuring a teenage boy gets the sleep he needs is even more difficult than convincing a toddler to nap that day after you move him from the crib to a toddler bed. Teen boys are even more strong-willed than toddlers -- and most are bigger and stronger than us too. Add in school schedules that are totally out-of-sync with teens' circadian rhythms and the ever-present pull of screens and social media and it's easy to see why most teens aren't getting nearly enough sleep.
And though some teens (and...2022-05-2648 min
ON BOYS PodcastDads, Boys, & MasculinityDads need to help boys understand and shape masculinity.
In years past, fathers were often "there, but not there," according to Craig Wilkinson, a dad of two and founder of Father a Nation, a South African nonprofit that addresses gender-based violence, crime and fatherlessness by restoring and equipping men to be nation-builders, fathers and role models. Dads focused on providing for their families, as that's what they were taught. They didn't engage emotionally because their parents didn't emotionally engage with them -- and because few people recognized fathers' role in the emotional development of children.
Now we know that fathers a...2022-05-1941 min
ON BOYS PodcastThe Gender Equation in SchoolsGender bias affects boys’ experience in schools.
It’s most often unconscious and unintentional bias but it affects how our boys see themselves and how they feel about school and learning. And until we admit that fact and grapple with the gender equation in schools, things aren’t going to get much better.
Educator Jason Ablin learned that lesson the hard way. Early in his teaching career, he assumed he was doing a great job connecting with students of all genders. An in-depth, in-classroom evaluation, though, helped him see that he disciplined his male students more harshly -- "which, ironically," he says...2022-05-1245 min
ON BOYS PodcastFinding EcohappinessFinding ecohappiness can decrease boys' anxiety levels and increase family harmony.
There's a strong -- and direct -- link between time in nature and mental health. Human beings require nature exposure for optimal physical and mental health. Of course, that's easier to say than to achieve in modern life, when many of us live in urban environments and use screens to work, learn, and socialize.
But there are fun ways to integrate nature exposure with daily life, says Sandi Schwartz, founder of the Ecohappiness Project and author of Finding Ecohappiness: Fun Nature Activities to Help Your Kids Feel Happier and C...2022-05-0538 min
ON BOYS PodcastMathew Blades on Healing Generational TraumaMathew Blades was a father and successful radio DJ before he recognized the impact of generational trauma on his life. On his boys' lives.
Sure, his childhood included a lot of screaming and some spanking. And sure, his father died abruptly when Mathew was just 23 years old. Stuff happens. Mathew did what most people do: he buried his pain and pushed through.
That worked, more or less. Until the back pain and shingles, stress and panic attacks. Until Mathew had to admit that he wasn't doing well.
He sought help and healing, and now encourages and supports others as they...2022-04-2858 min
ON BOYS PodcastFour Years of ON BOYSFour years of ON BOYS podcast!
214 episodes, more than 900,000 downloads, and countless deep, moving moments. We've talked about vaping, sex, boys & body image, consent, connection, and misconceptions about boys. We wrestle with gender stereotypes, education, and the real-life struggles of living with boys.
Janet and Jen collectively devote up to 10 hours per week to ON BOYS podcast -- 10 hours spent finding and connecting with top experts; preparing for our interviews; researching topics; engaging with listeners, educators, and boys parents; and promoting and sharing our episodes because we firmly believe that helping adults understand boys' needs is one way we can...2022-03-1041 min
ON BOYS PodcastCracking the Boy Code with Dr. Adam CoxDr. Adam Cox helped Janet crack the boy code, way back when she was a first grade teacher who didn't know what to do with a class full of boys. His book, Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys, is a seminal text that contains valuable insights for parents and teachers of boys.
More than 25 years ago, Dr. Cox, a psychologist, recognized that boys in his community were looking for a place where they'd be accepted and welcomed. His boy-friendly approach developed over the years as he learned how boys communicate. His understanding of boys grew...2020-12-1750 min
ON BOYS PodcastHelping Boys Become Resilient with Dr. Sandy GluckmanHow do you help boys become resilient?
It's easy enough to say that resiliency is important, and we know that the ability to bounce back in spite of obstacles is essential for success and happiness in life. But how exactly does one build resilience?
Contrary to popular belief, you can't teach a child resilience, says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist. Rather, you create a climate that allows a child to develop self-knowledge and self-confidence.
Most of our boys spend a lot of times in environments that don't help them feel good. School, for instance, is not a good fit, developmentally s...2020-12-1040 min
ON BOYS PodcastBoundaries & Consent (w Sarah Casper)Most of us know what consent means. But knowing what it MEANS doesn’t necessarily guarantee that we - or our BOYS - will actually be prepared in the moment….
Acroyoga, or partnered yoga, helped Sarah Casper understand boundaries & consent. "In this practice, instead of using an apparatus like trapeze or aerial silks, we're using our bodies. So there has to be a lot of conversation about our comfort levels, what we want to explore, where our limits are, what we maybe want to work towards and bowing out if a trick doesn't work," Sarah says. "I started to realize the c...2020-12-0340 min
ON BOYS PodcastThe Evolution of Esports (w Baro Hyun)Esports -- competitive videogaming -- is quickly becoming a very big deal.
In 2017, 106.2 million people watched the League of Legend esports championship. In 2020, 99.9 million watched the Super Bowl on TV, according to Reuters.
Today's parents, teachers and grandparents often find themselves annoyed at the hours boys spend in front of screens, gaming. They find it absolutely absurd that boys (and girls) watch other people play video games on You Tube and Twitch. But is watching a top video gamer in peak form really any different than parking yourself in an overstuffed chair on Sunday to watch young athletes throw, catch an...2020-11-1944 min
ON BOYS PodcastMaggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really NeedWhat words come to mind when you hear the phrase "teenage boys"?
Messy? Stinky? Frustrating? Lazy? Moody? Dangerous?
Teen boys can be all of those things. (So can teen girls!) But there's also a lot more beneath the surface, and if we're to effectively parent and educate our teen boys, we have to go deep. We need to remind ourselves -- and each other -- that teenage boys are complex human beings who deserve our respect and support.
"Inside every teenage boy is a 4-year-old who is confused about life and desperate to know that you will love him unconditionally...2020-11-1246 min
ON BOYS PodcastSchool & Learning in the COVID-19 EraHow’s school going?
That’s a fraught question even when there’s NOT a pandemic going on. Now, it seems almost crazy to ask, given that most of us are dealing w less-than-ideal educational situations.
But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for miserable. If virtual school or online learning isn't working for you, homeschool may be a good option. (And it doesn't have to be as overwhelming or time-consuming as you may think!). If in-person instruction has been canceled and your son simply doesn't learn well via online instruction, you can find fun, easy ways to build natu...2020-11-0439 min
ON BOYS PodcastFamily Meetings & The 9-Year ChangeFamily meetings can you help adapt your parenting to fit the changing needs of your family.
Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels
One of the most challenging (and demoralizing) aspects of parenting is realizing that you must constantly revise your parenting strategies. The tips, techniques and discipline strategies that worked so well when your little boy was 2 don't work at all when he's 6 -- and whatever you do when he's 6 won't work when he's 16.
It can be hard for parents to adapt to their kids' development changes. The very fact that we have to change our approach often comes a...2020-10-2930 min
ON BOYS PodcastManaging Screen Time During the PandemicHow are you managing screen time during the pandemic?
According to at least one survey, kids' time online has more than doubled since the pandemic began, and many kids now spend more than 6 hours per day online, in front of screens. And no wonder -- screens are now our portal to school, work, socialization and extended family.
Which means that now is great time to examine our response to screens.
Seriously.
Many adults have a visceral, negative reaction to the sight of kids-on-screens, but the truth is that screen time itself is neither good nor bad. Digital devices are tools t...2020-10-2238 min
ON BOYS PodcastListener Q & A – Parenting Teen BoysParenting teen boys is not easy.
They're bigger than us. Stronger than us. They speak in a language we don't necessarily understand -- if they choose to speak at all. Their focus is turning outward, just as we parents realize how little time we have left to teach them all the things they need to know before they leave home.
Miriam asks:
How do you find balance between keeping the bond strong and giving them freedom?
Teri also asks about letting go:
How do other parents find the balance between holding your son accountable and staying involved vs letting him...2020-10-1540 min
ON BOYS PodcastPreparing Boys for the World of WorkOne of our most important jobs as parents is preparing our boys for the world of work.
The work world, though, has changed dramatically over the last few decades. "There's been a shift from the competitive dog-eat-dog/rat race to a flatter, faster and fairness-focused world of work," says Ed Frauenheim, co-author of Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.
Increasingly, organizations want (and need!) employees and leaders who are flexible and eager to learn and collaborate. They need (and want) employees who can admit their own vulnerabilities, who respect the contributions of others. The work world of...2020-10-0837 min
ON BOYS PodcastTeach Boys Money ManagementHow do you teach boys money management?
34% of American teenagers don't have bank accounts and rely predominantly on cash, according to a 2019 Junior Achievement USA survey. In fact, 1 in 5 teens have never been into a physical bank and nearly a third of teens surveyed don’t have a bank account.
Like many parents, Benny Nachman initially started paying his boys' allowance in cash. But -- like many of us -- Benny doesn't often use cash and occasionally found he didn't have enough cash on hand to cover allowances. His boys were less disturbed by this fact than Benny thought they'd be...2020-10-0141 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Outside the Lines with Meghan LeahyParenting outside the lines frees us up to connect with our children in an authentic way.
It allows us to skip over the "must do's" and simply, instead, do the next right thing in any given moment. And if the "right thing" ultimately takes us a direction we don't want to go, it gives us the opportunity to apologize and course correct. It encourages us to trust the wisdom deep within.
"I haven't yet found a parent who's really changed their parenting based on 'studies say,'" says Meghan Leahy, a mom of three, parenting coach and author of Parenting...2020-09-2443 min
ON BOYS PodcastBoys & GrandparentsAre your boys close to their grandparents?
Not physically close -- physical distance is often more a matter of necessity or practicality than choice -- but emotionally close. Studies have found that close grandparent/grandchildren relationships protect against depression in both groups, and at least one study out of England found that kids who are close to their grandparents have fewer emotional and behavioral problems and fewer difficulties with peers.
Facilitating the grandparent/grandchild relationship can be tricky. There's a generation gap. A digital divide. Evolving cultural norms and ever-changing expectations.
"The expectation for grandparents today is way different" than a...2020-09-1746 min
ON BOYS PodcastIt’s a Confusing Time to Be a BoyThis is a really confusing time to be a boy in the United States.
That's one of (the many!) insights Ryan Wexelblatt -- aka ADHD Dude -- gained while working with 14 and 15 year old boys during his ADHD Dude Summer Camp this year. In a Facebook post, he wrote:
These guys see their female classmates (if they fit the narrow standards of beauty) who post the most sexually provocative pictures on Instagram/Snapchat get the most attention on social media.
>They are living in a period of "cancel culture" where men whose words or behaviors are inappropriate are expected to...2020-09-1038 min
ON BOYS PodcastHelp Boys Listen & Learn (Listener Q & A)How do we help boys listen & learn?
Image by Andrew Steele via Flickr
In month whatever of the pandemic, we're all grappling with a lot of tough questions, including what to do about school and injustice and inequality. We can't give you any easy answers regarding schooling during the cornonavirus pandemic or the fight for equality and justice. There aren't any easy answers to those complex situations. However, we CAN equip you with some information and strategies that will help boys listen and learn.
In this Listener Q & A, we discuss male communication and learning during a pandemic.
Jacquie asks:
Ho...2020-09-0336 min
ON BOYS PodcastRaising Boys to be Good MenWe all want to raise good men.
But how? It's one thing to WANT To raise good men, and another to figure out what that means on a daily basis. Exactly HOW do we raise good men?
Aaron Gouveia is the author of Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent's Guide to Bringing Up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity. He's also the founder of the Daddy Files and dad to 3 boys, currently ages 12, 7 and 4.
"When I first heard the term 'toxic masculinity,' I did what most men do: I rolled my eyes and thought...2020-08-2739 min
ON BOYS PodcastMy Boy Can with Sassy HarveySassy Harvey believes "my boy can."
The mother of a young son who loves dance, Barbie and princesses. Sassy started a social movement after her then 4-year-old son quit dance because he'd been told that only girls and gay people dance. Now, My Boy Can is supporting boys and their parents as they challenge gender stereotypes that so often hold boys back.
"I didn't want my son to feel he couldn't do something because he was a boy, because society deems certain activities 'for girls," Sassy says. She wants all children (and adults) to be able to freely participate in...2020-08-2042 min
ON BOYS PodcastHow (& Why) to Start a Boys’ Book ClubCan a book club help boys enjoy reading?
Yes, says Erin O'Donnell, a mom of two boys and author of How to Start a Kids Book Club. She and a bunch of other moms started a mother/son book club when their sons were in 3rd grade, on the cusp of the transition from learning to read to reading to learn. Some of the boys were already avid readers. Others were not.
"We were really hoping that peer pressure would be a powerful force in getting them to collectively enjoy books," Erin says.
Of course, the boys' club looks a l...2020-08-1339 min
ON BOYS PodcastBack to School 2020Back to School 2020 will go down in the annals of history.
Image via PixaBay
The United States (and world) is still wrestling with the coronavirus pandemic. Schools are slated to "open" -- whether virtually or literally or some combination thereof -- in a few weeks. Some, in fact, have already opened.
There's so much we don't yet know about this school year -- if in-person school will be possible, feasible or safe; if students' mental health will suffer more if schools open or close; if schools will become significant hot spots within communities -- but there's one thing that's abundantly...2020-08-0638 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Teenage Boys w Joshua WayneParenting teenage boys is HARD.
Their brains aren't yet fully mature yet they're bigger and stronger than most parents. They have more energy than their parents -- and when they are bound and determined to do what they want to do (regardless of what you or anyone else says), the energy can seem more like a curse than a blessing.
Joshua Wayne is a parenting coach, speaker and dad-to-a-son. He's also a formerly troubled teenage boy. Joshua knows what's going through many boys' heads -- and he knows how to help parents reach their sons.
Joshua Wayne and his family
J...2020-07-3047 min
ON BOYS PodcastSupporting Boys’ InterestsSupporting boys' interests is essential, especially in a world that so often tells them their interests are unwelcome. Wanna wrestle? Don't; you might hurt someone. Wanna dance? Don't; that's for girls.
Restrained by stereotypes, gender expectations and parents and teachers who prefer boys who sit down and take direction without comment or complaint, too may boys give up their interests. They disengage from school and life and disappear into their rooms and online spaces.
It's easier, for many boys, to let go of what they love than to fight for the right to follow their dreams and passions. But when...2020-07-1637 min
ON BOYS PodcastThe Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen)Roughhousing can teach boys about healthy touch.
Photo by SnarkleMotion via Flickr
Society teaches boys that there are two kinds of "acceptable" touch for males: sex, and aggression. No wonder so many boys and men turn to sex and aggression to meet their very human need for touch!
Physical play -- including play wrestling, "chase" games and roughhousing -- give boys multiple opportunities to experience healthy touch while learning about boundaries and consent. "Roughhousing is really more like dancing than fighting," Dr. Cohen says. "It can look like fighting, but the participants have to be really tuned in to each...2020-06-2515 min
ON BOYS PodcastDifferently Wired Boys & TiLT Parenting (w Debbie Reber)At least 1 in 5 people are differently wired, says Debbie Reber, founder of TiLT Parenting.
Differently wired kids are neurologically atypical. They perceive the world differently than their peers and express themselves differently as well. These differences can be subtle or glaring, and as a parent or teacher, it can be hard to know how to respond to these quirks.
Debbie and her husband noticed their son Asher's differences early on. He was "more intense, more precocious, more challenging" than similarly aged children and was "moving through the world in a different way" than his peers. By elementary school, his differences...2020-06-1139 min
ON BOYS PodcastBlack Boys MatterBlack boys matter.
Such a simple statement. And yet...
George Floyd is dead. His name joins the long list of others (Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, etc., etc., etc...) whose lives have been cut short by racism, bias and brutality.
Photo via Pixabay
We here at ON BOYS are NOT OK with the status quo. We are committed to equity and opportunity, to listening and learning. We will not be silent. This week -- and as often as possible -- we are amplifying black voices. Today’s guest is Chandra White-Cummings, a freelance writer and lawyer who’s ser...2020-06-0453 min
ON BOYS PodcastWhy Boys Need Chores – with Victoria ProodayChores, Victoria Prooday says, are the most efficient way to build our boys' emotional muscle.
Prooday, a psychotherapist, occupational therapist and speaker, is convinced that self-regulation is the key to success -- and science backs up her assertion. As early as 1998, psychologists were publishing papers and chapters stating that, "Self-regulation has major, important implications for success in life...People who are good at self-regulation show a multitude of advantages over other people, in both task performance and interpersonal relations."
Meanwhile, our best parenting intentions led us astray. "Even thought we know the the key to success in life is self-regulation...2020-05-2140 min
ON BOYS PodcastSingle Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma JohnsonThere are 10 million single moms in the United States. Many are raising boys.
And despite the naysayers, many are doing a great job!
Is single parenting difficult, especially during a pandemic? Absolutely. But single moms have more power and potential than they realize, says Emma Johnson, aka Wealthy Single Mommy.
Johnson, a single mom of two (a boy and a girl), is the author of The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self and Raise Fabulous, Healthy Children. She's also the founder of Wealthy Single Mommy and a strong advocate for shared parenting.
In this episode, Jen, J...2020-05-1438 min
ON BOYS PodcastMom is in Control with Heather ChauvinIs mom in control at your house?
We don't mean "in control" in the dictator sense, or in the mom-is-storming-around-the-house-yelling-at-everyone way. We don't even mean "in control" to mean "your house is neat and orderly and your children do exactly as you say."
We mean in control of YOURSELF.
After all, the only thing you can really control are your thoughts and actions.
"The first thing I always say is, if you want to feel in control in your life, you have to give up control," says Heather Chauvin , a strategic parenting expert and mom of 3 boys, currently ages 7, 10 and 15. "Be...2020-05-0747 min
ON BOYS PodcastUnderstanding Gender with Dr. Alex IantaffiA generation ago, few people thought much about understanding gender.
Then, gender seemed simple and straightforward: boy or girl, male or female.
Things are different today. Merriam-Webster declared they the 2019 word of the year, and there's increasing recognition of the fact that gender is not strictly binary.
What does this have to do with boys? Well, our boys are living in a time when it's okay to openly discuss and think about gender. Many of our boys have peers who self-identify as gender-fluid or genderqueer -- and even if they don't have personal friends or acquaintances who are navigating the g...2020-04-3041 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Your Adult ChildrenThe phrase "adult children" is an oxymoron: the words adult and children clearly describe very different things, and it's impossible to be an adult and a child at the same time.
Except it's not. Most of us are adult children; Jen is 47 and a bona fide adult, but she's also still the child of Al & Pat Wondra. She's also the parent of at least one adult child, a 22 year old who's been living independently for 4 years.
Of course, the parent/child relationship changes as children grow into adults -- and that transition can be fraught...2020-04-2327 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Your Adult ChildrenThe phrase "adult children" is an oxymoron: the words adult and children clearly describe very different things, and it's impossible to be an adult and a child at the same time.
Except it's not. Most of us are adult children; Jen is 47 and a bona fide adult, but she's also still the child of Al & Pat Wondra. She's also the parent of at least one adult child, a 22 year old who's been living independently for 4 years.
Of course, the parent/child relationship changes as children grow into adults -- and that transition can be fraught and confusing for both parents...2020-04-2327 min
ON BOYS PodcastCOVID-19 Listener Q and APhoto by Nik Anderson via Flickr
COVID-19 (the disease caused by the novel coronavirus) has changed everything.
Our daily lives now look nothing like we imagined at the beginning of the year. We're hunkered down in our homes, and wondering how to get toilet paper and flour -- basics we once took for granted. Some of us are working from home and trying to figure out how the $*#( to juggle full-time work with with full-time family. Others have to go to work in spite of the virus, often fearing for their safety. Many have lost work, and our kids have...2020-04-1630 min
ON BOYS PodcastDecoding Boys with Dr. Cara NattersonWouldn't it be great if boys came with a magic decoder ring to help you decode their mysteries and moods?
Dr. Cara Natterson's book, Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons, is the next best thing. If you have boys, you'll want to add this one to your bookshelf (or check it out from your library) right now -- and you'll definitely want to read it before your son hits puberty. Which may come a lot sooner than you expected.
According to Dr. Natterson -- a pediatrician, mom of two and author of Guy Stuff: The B...2020-04-0943 min
ON BOYS PodcastManaging EmotionsManaging emotions -- our boys, & our own -- is challenging in the best of times.
This, most definitely is not the best of times. We're cooped up in our houses with kids who miss their friends and activities. With boys who no longer have soccer or baseball practice to help them burn off some energy. In the midst of a global pandemic that's upended all of our routines. While we ourselves are experiencing great emotional turmoil.
We can't just simply brush our emotions to the side, or expect our children to function like normal.If we're to survive this pandemic...2020-04-0236 min
ON BOYS PodcastJust Don’t be an Asshole (with Kara Kinney Cartwright)Kara Kinney Cartwright has a message for teenage boys & young men: just don't be an asshole.
The mom of two grown sons, Kara began writing Just Don't Be an Asshole: A Surprisingly Necessary Guide to Being a Good Guy as her sons were preparing to head out into the world. The project was inspired, in part, by her anxiety (have I taught them everything they need to know?) and, in part, by cultural changes. Thanks to the #MeToo movement and a slew of highly publicized stories of powerful men behaving badly, parents everywhere are wondering how to raise boys who...2020-03-2632 min
ON BOYS PodcastHappy SECOND Anniversary to ON BOYSTwo years.
More than 100 episodes covering important topics such as boys & sex, masculinity, ADHD, mental health, honesty & so much more.
But on our SECOND anniversary, we're most grateful for the relationships we've created. We're no longer simply co-hosts or colleagues; we're friends. We enjoy talking to one another as much as (we hope) you enjoy listening to us.
We're also grateful for the professional connections we've made as a result of this podcast. This year alone, we spoke with Steve Biddulph, Peggy Orenstein, Phyllis Fagell, Dr. Vanessa LaPointe, Michael C. Reichert & dozens of other on-the-ground boy advocates. It may seem...2020-03-1233 min
ON BOYS PodcastTwice Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman)Do you know what the term "2e" means?
Photo by Jesper Sehested Pluslexia via Flickr
2e is short for "twice exceptional," a term used to refer to people who are both highly gifted and learning disabled. As you might imagine, meeting the social, emotional and educational needs of a 2e child is quite a challenge.
Ramsey Hootman is an author and mom of two, including a 10 year old boy who prefers to be called B-Bot, his gaming handle. B-Bot is twice exceptional -- super intellectually gifted yet slow to understand the intricacies of human interaction.
"With this child, it was...2020-03-0537 min
ON BOYS PodcastUnderstanding Male Development: Baby Boys & ToddlersBaby boys' testosterone levels are nearly the same as teenage boys'.
But for the first few weeks after conception, well, there's no discernible difference between a male embryo and a female embryo. The testosterone surge that occurs in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy is responsible for the cascade of developmental changes that what differentiates a boy baby from a girl baby, and from then on, "testosterone drive the bus," Janet says.
Photo by roxie_jc via Flickr
Understanding male development will help you understand your boys and what they need. It may help you relax and enjoy your...2020-02-2733 min
ON BOYS PodcastTeaching Honesty in a World That Lies (w Judi Ketteler)Is honesty the best policy?
Not necessarily, says Judi Ketteler, author of Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies. If Judi's name (and voice) sound familiar to you, it's because she's been on the podcast before: in Oct. 2018, she talked to us about parenting risk-taking boys. (Her son, Maxx, is into Gtramp, an extreme trampoline sport.)
We all want our boys to be decent, honest human beings, but the truth is, honesty isn't a black-and-white issue. As Judi learned, there are a whole host of reasons why people lie: We want o...2020-01-3035 min
ON BOYS PodcastSupporting Black Boys’ Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings)Suicide rates among black boys ages 13-19 rose 60% from 2001 to 2017. And for children ages 5-12, black males are committing suicide at higher rates than any other racial or ethnic group.
Significant numbers of black boys are ending their lives before puberty.
This is not OK.
"There is a lot of discussion going on about suicide, mental health, emotional wellness and stigma, much of it centered around what's going on in the African-American and other communities of color," says today's guest, Chandra White-Cummings is a lawyer who's served as a policy fellow for Moms of Black Boys United. "However, often, it i...2020-01-2352 min
ON BOYS PodcastDealing with Change, Anxiety & Energy (Listener Q & A)Photo by Kevin Dooley via Flickr
How do you help boys deal with change and anxiety? And how can parents deal with boys' incessant energy?
Those are just a few of the questions we tackle in our first listener Q & A of 2020!
Jacquie asked:
How do you help boys adjust to change and uncomfortable situations (new school, daycare, meeting new kids...)?
Eden and Katie also wanted advice on helping boys (and themselves) cope with anxiety, albeit at different ends of the age spectrum. Eden asked:
How do you help your teen boy with anxiety?
while Katie said
My 3.5 year old b...2020-01-1626 min
ON BOYS PodcastMeagan Francis of The Mom Hour: Parenting in the Digital AgeMeagan Francis has been writing, blogging and podcasting about parenting for the better part of 20 years.
You might not know her name, but odds are good you've seen a photo of her:
That's Meagan, in the hot pink dress. And that's one of her (four) boys under her arm. (Meagan also has a daughter.)
If you have kids -- and you probably do, if you're listening to this podcast -- you know that look on her face. You've felt that combination of frustration and determination. And that, likely, is why the photo went viral and remains wildly popular.
What you...2020-01-0941 min
ON BOYS PodcastWhich Apps are APPropriate? (w Jo Langford)Jo LangfordSex educator & author
How much do you know about the apps KIK, WeChat and My LOL?
If you're like most parents, the answer is "not much" (if anything!). You know that cell phones and social media are an important part of tween and teen culture -- in fact, digital communication is the primary source of social connection for many kids today -- but you don't really understand what they do online. As an adult, you're well aware of the potential risks of digital communication, but are unsure which apps and activities are safe.
Enter Jo Langford.
We last talked...2020-01-0238 min
ON BOYS PodcastBest of 2019340%.
The ON BOYS audience grew by 340% this year. We now have listeners in more than 110 countries, including the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Botswana and Bolivia -- which means that our message of support for boys is resonating and empowering parents worldwide.
This year, we hosted 33 guests, ranging of Phyllis Fagell of Middle School Matters fame to Katy Rank Lev, an ON BOYS listener who shared with us the reality of parenting three young sons. We tackled a wide variety of topics, including esports, vaping, racism, mental health and suicide. We shared, we laughed...2019-12-2642 min
ON BOYS PodcastRaising Boys DocumentaryCBSN recently released a new documentary, Raising Boys. Among those featured in the documentary: our very own Jennifer L.W. Fink.
The intent of the documentary, says producer Kayla Ruble, was to examine "what issues lead to the headlines" that so often announce stories of men behaving badly. The intent was to search for answers to the question that is on the mind of every parent of boys: How do we raise good men?
The documentary features 6 families --
David French, a dad who discusses the difference between raising boys today vs. when he was growing up
Gemma Gaudette, the mo...2019-12-1834 min
ON BOYS PodcastPersonal Hygiene for Tween & Teen BoysWe initially ran this episode in July 2018. But we've gained a lot of followers since then and tween & teen boys have not suddenly gotten better at personal hygiene in the interim. If you're sick of fighting with your boy about hygiene, this episode is a must-listen.
Photo by Kasey Eriksen via Flickr
Have a boy who hates to shower?
You are not alone!
When a mom recently asked the Building Boys Facebook group, “Anyone else have a teenage boy who hates to shower?” she was quickly inundated with support and sympathy.
Personal hygiene, it seems, is not a priority for most tw...2019-12-1232 min
ON BOYS PodcastMiddle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell"Middle school," Phyillis Fagell says, "is a stew of simmering hormones, shifting relationships and increased expectations."
It's also a time of massive confusion and overwhelm -- for middle school boys and their parents.
Phyllis Fagell is a school counselor and the author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School & Beyond and How Parents Can Help. She's also a mom of three; her youngest son is currently in 6th grade.
While many of us view the middle school years with terror, Fagell sees them as a time of great opportunity.
The question all middle sc...2019-12-0538 min
ON BOYS PodcastHow to Teach Boys GratitudeImage by Kate Ware via Flickr
How do you teach boys gratitude?
So many parents today are frustrated by their boys' apparent lack of gratitude. All too often, our boys come off as ungrateful, entitled jerks -- and it bugs the bejeezus out of us! We're embarrassed, we're annoyed and we secretly feel like failures, because surely good parents would raise grateful, gracious children, right?
Well, the truth is that all children are self-centered; that's part of being a child! As children grow, they gradually learn that they are not the center of the universe, and they gradually -- very...2019-11-2825 min
ON BOYS PodcastPaul Tough on What Boys Need to Know About CollegeHow important is college?
That's a fraught question for many families, particularly in an age of rapid technological change and occupational insecurity. We've been told that education is the key to success, but post-secondary education is priced like a luxury item, at least here in the U.S.
In his new book, The Years That Matter Most: How College Makes or Breaks Us, author Paul Tough writes, "for many young Americans, [the U.S. system of higher education] functions as...an obstacle to mobility, an instrument that reinforces a rigid social hierarchy and prevents them from moving beyond the circumstances...2019-11-2138 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting on Purpose with Dr. Vanessa LaPointe"You will be brought to your knees in the act of parenting." -- Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Parenting boys is not an easy gig!
So often, we are confronted with situations that we simply don't know how to handle. What does one do when your two-year-old insists on pooping in the corner? How should you respond when your tween calls you a "bitch?" What's an appropriate consequence for a boy who's failing all his classes because he refuses to do any of the work?
Vanessa Lapointe, a child psychologist and parent of two boys, says those are the wrong questions. Instead...2019-11-1437 min
ON BOYS PodcastThe Military Wife and Mom with Lauren TammNovember is Military Family Month.
We Americans pause on November 11 to recognize the sacrifices of our veterans. This month, let's also remember the sacrifices of their families. If you think it's hard to raise boys, try raising boys in a military environment. Frequent moves and deployments challenge the whole family!
Lauren Tamm, creator of The Military Wife and Mom, is a mom of two (a boy and a girl); she's also married to an active-duty Marine. She's passionate about helping parents, teachers, care givers and military spouses discover simple tools that minimize stress, create peace and build connection.
Whether or...2019-11-0736 min
ON BOYS PodcastCharlie Capen on Fatherhood and Raising BoysCharlie Capen
Humor, says Charlie Capen, is one of the most important tools in parenting.
But this actor/musician/writer/dad-of-two-boys isn't afraid to get serious either. Capen is one of the founders of HowToBeADad.com, which he freely admits uses humor as a way to get guys to talk and think about parenting.
A generation ago, there were few -- if any -- spaces for dads to discuss the challenges of parenthood. Today's dads often grew up with career-focused fathers who spent little time on day-to-day childcare. Now, fathers are increasingly involved in their children's lives but they're still...2019-10-3138 min
ON BOYS PodcastHow Shame Harms BoysPhoto by Grey World via Flickr
What do you do if a teacher shames your son in front of the class?
For many parents, this is not an abstract question. Teachers, coaches, bus drivers and yes, even parents still use shame to shape kids' behavior. Adults yell at children in front of their peers, berate them for a lack of effort, criticize their attempts...and children's spirits shrivel.
Shame is a universal human experience. According to the Oxford dictionary, shame is "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior." In and of i...2019-10-2430 min
ON BOYS PodcastHelping Teens Cope with Anxiety, Depression & MoreIt's not easy to talk to boys about anxiety, depression and mental health.
And yet, in a world in which 1 in 8 kids has an anxiety disorder and 2-3% of children ages 6-12 have serious depression and suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24, not talking about these topics is irresponsible. You wouldn't skip the sex talk, would you? (If so, click over to this episode right now!)
As adults, it's our job to equip our children with the skills they need to deal with whatever life sends their way. Our job to help them...2019-10-1739 min
ON BOYS PodcastSteve Biddulph on Raising BoysAustralian author and psychologist Steve Biddulph was one of the first to highlight the unique needs of boys.
In the mid-1990s, "Steve went out on a limb to stand up for boys and men in a time when, culturally, the focus was really on girls and women," Janet says.
His books, including The Secrets of Happy Children and Manhood, have been translated into more than 30 languages. The 1997 classic Raising Boys: Why Boys are So Different - and How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balance Men changed the way Janet taught and influenced a generation of parents and teachers...2019-10-1046 min
ON BOYS PodcastParenting Tween & Teenage BoysAre all teenage boys jerks?
That's the question we tackle in this episode, albeit with some more colorful language. (Heads up: If you're opposed to the word "asshole," you might want to skip this episode. If you've ever thought to yourself, "When did my kid become such an asshole?!?" you're definitely going to want to listen!)
Raising tween & teen boys is hard. That's why so many parents of teens are desperate for information, help & support. And that's why Sue Borison & Stephanie Silverman started Your Teen media. Sue & Steph also co-host the podcast Your Teen with Sue & Steph.
"Not only has...2019-10-0334 min
ON BOYS PodcastWhy Boy Moms Need Mentors TooGoogle "boy mentors" and you'll get more than 20,000,000 results. Search for "mentors for boy moms" and you'll get just over 900,000 results -- and most are resources to help single moms find male mentors for their sons.You'll find next-to-nothing about how to find a mentor for yourself.
But moms need mentors too.
When Jen & Janet met recently (for the first time! at a podcast conference), they heard a talk about the importance of female mentors. The presenter, Robyn Sayles, pointed out the dearth of female mentors in movies, books and real life. Luke Skywalker had Obi Wan Kenobi & Yoda to...2019-08-2921 min
ON BOYS Podcast“My Boy Can” ParentingAt age 4, Sassy Harvey's son was told that if he dances, he must be a girl. Or gay.
Not surprisingly, he quit dance class soon after that.
It's 2019. Girls, we know can become astronauts and scientists and ministers and presidents. But boys who dance are STILL routinely perceived as gay and effeminate. In fact, according to a recent study of male ballet dancers:
93% of boys involved in ballet report "teasing and name calling"
68% experience "verbal or physical harassment"
11% were victims of physical harm - at the hands of people who targeted them because they study dance
Shortly after her son q...2019-08-2231 min
ON BOYS Podcast“My Boy Can” ParentingAt age 4, Sassy Harvey's son was told that if he dances, he must be a girl. Or gay.
Not surprisingly, he quit dance class soon after that.
It's 2019. Girls, we know can become astronauts and scientists and ministers and presidents. But boys who dance are STILL routinely perceived as gay and effeminate. In fact, according to a recent study of male ballet dancers:
* 93% of boys involved in ballet report "teasing and name calling"
* 68% experience "verbal or physical harassment"
* 11% were victims of physical harm - at the hands of people who targeted them b...2019-08-2231 min
ON BOYS PodcastAge 16, Teen Driving & CarsPhoto by Russ Allison Loar via Flickr
Sweet 16.
Here in the United States, age 16 has long been an eagerly anticipated milestone, largely because teens are eligible to get a driver's license at age 16. In the minds of many teens, age 16 = driver's license = increased independence. In the minds of many parents, age 16 = increased insurance costs and anxiety regarding their child's safety.
In fact, fewer teens are getting drivers' licenses at age 16. According to an article published on Wired.com, just 71% of high school seniors have a driver's license; that's the lowest percentage in decades. Societal changes account for the decline: the...2019-03-2825 min
ON BOYS PodcastAge 16, Teen Driving & CarsPhoto by Russ Allison Loar via Flickr
Sweet 16.
Here in the United States, age 16 has long been an eagerly anticipated milestone, largely because teens are eligible to get a driver's license at age 16. In the minds of many teens, age 16 = driver's license = increased independence. In the minds of many parents, age 16 = increased insurance costs and anxiety regarding their child's safety.
In fact, fewer teens are getting drivers' licenses at age 16. According to an article published on Wired.com, just 71% of high school seniors have a driver's license; that's the lowest percentage in decades. Societal...2019-03-2825 min
ON BOYS Podcast143 How Confidence & Joy Spark Success"Confidence and joy are to the development of a child as oxygen is to life."
-- from Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences
If your son struggles -- academically, socially, or emotionally -- you know how quickly simple struggles can dissolve into despair. A child who feels unsuccessful at school or in social settings tends to withdraw and give up; after all, what's the point of trying when more effort doesn't lead to more success? Repeated failure breeds apathy -- and given how many boys struggle in school, it's no wonder we're facing an epidemic of unmotivated t...2019-01-1036 min
ON BOYS Podcast143 How Confidence & Joy Spark Success
"Confidence and joy are to the development of a child as oxygen is to life."
-- from Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences
If your son struggles -- academically, socially, or emotionally -- you know how quickly simple struggles can dissolve into despair. A child who feels unsuccessful at school or in social settings tends to withdraw and give up; after all, what's the point of trying when more effort doesn't lead to more success? Repeated failure breeds apathy -- and given how many boys struggle in school, it's no wonder we're facing a...2019-01-1036 min
ON BOYS Podcast141: Best of 2018As 2018 draws to a close, we reflect back on our first year.
This podcast launched on March 12, 2018. Since then, we've recorded 40+ episodes, on everything from tween boy hygiene to how to talk to boys about sex, consent and masculinity in the #MeToo era. We hosted 11 guests, including Warren Farrell (author of The Boy Crisis), Maggie Dent (Australia's "Boy Champion") and Jen's 12 year old son, Sam Fink. We tried hard to bring you information and inspiration, and look forward to tackling all kinds of topics in 2019.
In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss the 5 most popular episodes of 2018:
Episode 123: The Good News A...2018-12-2730 min
ON BOYS Podcast137: iGenPhoto by Janet Allison
Baby Boomers. Gen X. Millennials. And now, iGen.
According to psychology professor Jean Twenge, the members of iGen include the children and young adults born between 1995 and 2012. And what sets these kids apart from previous generations, she says, is their near-constant connection to the Internet.
Theirs is a generation shaped by the smartphone and concomitant rise of social media...members of this generation are growing up with smartphones, have an Instagram account before they start high school, and do not remember a time before the internet.
Compared to previous generations, Twenge says, members of iGen are:
L...2018-11-2926 min
ON BOYS Podcast137: iGenPhoto by Janet Allison
Baby Boomers. Gen X. Millennials. And now, iGen.
According to psychology professor Jean Twenge, the members of iGen include the children and young adults born between 1995 and 2012. And what sets these kids apart from previous generations, she says, is their near-constant connection to the Internet.
Theirs is a generation shaped by the smartphone and concomitant rise of social media...members of this generation are growing up with smartphones, have an Instagram account before they start high school, and do not remember a time before the internet.
Compared...2018-11-2926 min
ON BOYS Podcast133: Re-Run – The Good News About Bad Behavior
Enjoy this episode from our archives - it's too good to miss!
AND if you're intrigued by what you hear, consider joining co-host Janet Allison for her upcoming online class: "5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting." All the deets are here: http://boysalive.com/untangle
If your kids always do what they're told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.
If not -- WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you're going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and Katherine Reynolds Le...2018-11-0135 min
ON BOYS Podcast133: Re-Run – The Good News About Bad BehaviorEnjoy this episode from our archives - it's too good to miss!
AND if you're intrigued by what you hear, consider joining co-host Janet Allison for her upcoming online class: "5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting." All the deets are here: http://boysalive.com/untangle
If your kids always do what they're told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.
If not -- WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you're going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and Katherine Reynolds Lewis, author of The Good News About Bad Behavior. In her book...2018-11-0135 min
ON BOYS Podcast123: The Good News About Bad Behavior with Katherine Reynolds LewisIf your kids always do what they're told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.
If not -- WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you're going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and Katherine Reynolds Lewis, author of The Good News About Bad Behavior. In her book, Lewis writes:
If you look around and see misbehaving, undisciplined children everywhere, it's not just imagination. Children today are fundamentally different from past generations.
They truly have less self-control. Simply put, we face a crisis of self-regulation.
Lewis's observations of her own children, a...2018-08-0935 min
ON BOYS Podcast113: Lying, Risk, & How to Advocate for Boys (Listener Q&A, Part 2)Welcome to Part 2 of our first Listener Q & A!
This week, Jen & Janet tackle 3 more questions:
"What strategies do you use to deal with a sudden increase in lying in pre-teen boys?"
"What's the best way to allow young boys to be adventurous/risky physically while maintaining a clear, safe boundary and being a responsible parent?"
"How do you talk about the needs of boys and the help they need without sounding dismissive of girls or anti-feminist? For example, as the mother of a boy, I'm not entirely sure I agree with making scouting gender-neutral. I think boys benefit from...2018-05-3124 min
ON BOYS Podcast109: Gun Play and BoysPhoto by Craig Marren via Flickr
Is Gun Play Really Okay?
A generation ago, gun play was an acceptable part of childhood. Parents gave their kids toy guns as gifts -- yes, even Red Ryder BB guns! (and yes, that's A Christmas Story reference) -- and boys regularly played Cops and Robbers and War both at school and in the neighborhood.
Today, we're a little more leery of gun play. And no wonder. Mass shootings seem to happen with alarming regularity, and without exception, the shooters so far have been male.
No one wants their son to grow up to be...2018-05-0328 min
ON BOYS Podcast104: Anger and BoysPhoto by Stewart Baird via Flickr
"By age 9, the default emotion for most boys is anger." -- Michael Gurian
It's easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless in the face of a boy's anger, whether you've got a toddler throwing a temper tantrum or a teenager on a rampage. But learning to respond to boys' anger with love and patience is one of the best gifts we can give to our guys.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
How the "boy code" subtly encourages anger
The biology of anger
Techniques parents & teachers can use to manage boys' angry outburts
The link...2018-03-2924 min
ON BOYS Podcast103: Sports and Boys Who Don’t Like ThemPhoto by woodleywonderworks via Flickr
Sports are a HUGE part of boy world -- and that's a problem for boys who aren't interested in or don't particularly enjoy athletics.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
Why it's so important for parents to separate their athletic ambitions from their sons'
How families can resist social pressure to sign up for sports
Alternative ways to encourage activity, build teamwork and socialize
How to identify and support your sons' true interests
Strategies parents and teachers can use to make recess and PE class more tolerable for (and inclusive of!) non-athletic kids
Links we...2018-03-2225 min
ON BOYS Podcast100: Introducing Co-Hosts Janet and JenWhat do you get when you combine a former educator/family coach with a writer/mom of 4 boys? A podcast that's all about parenting, teaching and reaching tomorrow's men!
In this episode, you'll meet your co-hosts, Janet Allison and Jennifer L.W. Fink. Learn how they connected -- and why they believe it's so important for parents and teachers of boys to learn about the Boy Code.
Jen (left) & Janet (right)
Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 100:
BoysAlive! (Janet's website) and consider joining the Boys Alive! Facebook group, too!
BuildingBoys (Jen's website) and consider joining the Building Boys F...2018-03-1218 min