Shows
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 68 - Daring to Disturb the Sound of Silence Between You and Your Loved One (teaser)When conflict takes over your relationships, most people default to silence. But silence wounds our relationships. When you use this tool, you won’t have to pay the price of silence between you and your loved ones again.
1:45 I’ve been seeing a lot of this in my private practice
1:58 Intimacy will show us the state of our hearts
2:24 Relationship challenges like a symptom
2:50 This can keep us in love for a lifetime
3:20 The set up for the silence
5:04 Silence can inadvertently convey things that aren’t true
5:49 The tool for distur...2022-06-1202 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 67 - All Ears On Deck: A SimpleTool for Listening In Times of SorrowReflective listening is deceptively simple. Anyone can practice it. And it has the potential to help us “catch up” when overwhelming events can be too much to digest on our own.
1:30 Emotionally metabolize events that are too big
2:15 Listening for dummies (not really)
2:35 A reflective listening example
3:04 It’s okay to be skeptical
3:40 It just works - here’s why
3:57 We hear through the filters over our ears
4:30 The costs of the distortion
5:23 Why “feeling heard” is so important
7:10 “I will not try to change...2022-05-3111 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 66 - When He Comes, I Cry: The Power of Sex to Reconnect (teaser)When the going gets tough in relationship, sometimes you need more than words to reconnect you - you need bodies. In this episode "teaser", I introduce why sex as a practice can save and sustain your connection over the long term. Check out the full show on Patreon.com/DrTararoIntimacyCoaching.
00:48 The door is closed and I’m going to share more candidly from here
1:08 The healing role of lovemaking to reconnect you
1:17 My husband and I had some surprising results
1:25 Sometimes it’s not words that will unblock you, it’s bodies2022-05-2302 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 65 - How to Free Up the Flow When Your Relationship Gets StuckHaving things unsaid in a relationship will clog the pipes of your connection. In this episode, I explain that it’s never too late to get vulnerable and bring the flow back.
00:49 Big announcement about “Under 10”
1:39 Where to find me on Patreon going forward
2:10 What “getting stuck” means
2:43 You know you’ve gotten stuck when these things are happening
3:23 Poop metaphor (skip ahead as needed)
4:20 This is what unclogs the pipes
4:45 It’s the vulnerability that creates the flow
5:14 An example from a friend’s hot first...2022-05-1610 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 64 - Masks Coming Off: Why Transitioning Gently Back to Connection Matters“Just moving on '' after the worst of the pandemic poses major risks to our quality of life and capacity to connect. When you have the courage to slow down and honor what you just went through, you can retrieve and re-integrate the parts of you that got “stuck” in the stressors of the last two years.
1:15 Tempting to just put the stressors of the last two years behind us
2:00 We have all been affected
2:10 The first time I took my mask off
3:00 The definition and importance of continuity
4:20 Our cul...2022-04-1110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode #63 - Self Pleasuring Your Way to Freedom Part 2: My Body Is A FiestaIn this week’s episode, I delve into the importance of a self-pleasure practice and specific steps you can take to create or deepen your practice. Whether you’ve been pleasuring yourself for a lifetime or have never felt ready – until now – I’m grateful you’re along for this exploration.
1:56 Yes, masturbation can be a practice
2:10 What happens to our psychology when we hide or don’t share something
3:06 Our attention changes the object of our attention
3:24 Something fractured getting more whole
4:13 Masturbation as a full body, self-honoring ritual
4...2022-04-0510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 62 - Self-Pleasuring Your Way to Freedom: Part 1Most people feel some shame about masturbation. Yet self-pleasuring is a powerful way to know what your body wants. In this episode, I tell the story of how I met the Grandmother of Masturbation and invite you to reflect on your earliest messages about your body’s pleasure.
1:01 Exploring your body shows you what feels good and what doesn’t
1:23 I dedicate this episode to Betty Dodson, the Grandmother of Masturbation
1:57 The story of how I got humped by Betty
4:51 My self-pleasuring origin story
7:35 It can feel intimidating to try2022-03-2810 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 61 - So What Exactly Do I Do When I’m Feeling Overwhelmed?In the moments when your feelings are bigger than you can handle, it’s important to have options. In this show, I share three “go to” principles to practice both when you most need it and especially in the times when you don’t.
1:35 No one-size-fits-all solution
2:13 You have to notice where you are in order to change it
2:55 Tracking in low stakes moments
3:36 I got lost and here’s what I found
4:57 The first principle
5:15 The second principle which you actually learned in kindergarten
6:32 The third...2022-03-2110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 60 - You’re Not The Only One Who Is Feeling F*cked UpWhen we only show our outsides to each other, we can feel alone. In this episode, I show you my insides and give you permission to do the same and to feel how connected we truly are.
1:05 There’s one main problem with being f*cked up
1:33 What if we had that social permission slip?
2:00 My intimacy coaching program gave us permission
2:55 I make an admission
4:02 When people we think have it together admit that they don’t
4:55 The power of showing our insides
5:20 I give...2022-03-1510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 59 - Gratitude Is Not For Sissies: The Power of Saying Thank You to LoveThough it may seem simple, opening with gratitude when what you want in love touches you can shake you to your core. In this episode, I explain why and offer you practices for growing this capacity.
1:21 Caveat: you may not like this story
1:40 Something very delicious in my life
2:33 What do you notice?
2:52 The first principle – the ability to joy in another’s joy
3:50 Can you tap some of this as if it was yours?
4:00 It will take training to stop contracting at others’ happiness.
4:50 Finding...2022-03-0810 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 58 - Let’s Get Married! / This Will Never Work! What the Roller Coaster of Early Relating is Showing You About LoveWhen you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage. In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in your own way.
1:15 My friend Dina and her new, hot and heavy relationship
2:07 There’s a catch.
3:23 Watch out for getting what you want!
3:44 The panic attacks I had when I first started dating my husband
4:25 We can get habituated to deprivation
5:33...2022-03-0110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 57 - How to Have the Best 2-Minute Make Out EverYou can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life. You decide.
1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again
3:00 But it undermines us in love
3:40 Quote by Dr. Rick Hansen to help understand this sticky phenomenon
4:28 Consider this the “off” switch for the negativity bias
5:42 Imagine this scenario of pleasure, heat and desire building...and then.
7:15 What would you do?
7:50 Instea...2022-02-2110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 56 - Healing Your Desire So That You Can Ask for What You WantWithout knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire.
1:05 In order to ask for it, you have to have a clue about what you want
2:55 Your desires may be muted under messages about what you “should” want
3:10 Think of your desire like an animal
3:43 Her appetite is not stirred when you fake it
4:36 I started healing my desire at...2022-02-1510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 55 - Why Telling Your Partner the Truth Can Be So ScaryIn this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship.
1:30 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability
1:50 In order for love to get in, we have to get uncomfortable
2:54 The high stakes of intimate partnership
3:43 You have let them believe something is true when it’s not
3:50 Examples of untold truths
4:35 Why the trap of withholding truths is so easy to fall into
5:15 The r...2022-02-0109 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 54 - Hands in the Dirt: How to Grow CommunityIn this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it’s revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with me and try.
1:21 My parents first showed me how to grow community
2:25 Community is not incidental to our lives – it is our lives.
2:58 We create community in order to learn and address what we need.
3:31 The first principle of growing community
4:23 Frederick Buechner quote
2022-01-2509 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 53 - More Together Than Alone: The Role of Community in Healing ChangeIndividual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is key for activating our blueprint for health.
1:05 I recently burned myself - the scar is ugly
2:00 How engaging in personal work can feel overwhelming
2:48 This conviction keeps me going even when change isn’t visible
3:30 What is needed to activate healing change
4:10 How community ca...2022-01-1809 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 52 - Why Words Are Essential to Love MakingMost people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner during your sex.
1:55 The majority of people learned about sex this way
3:05 Sex without words is not how real sex looks
4:03 Talking to one another in bed serves an essential purpose
4:48 Silence in sex is like driving without road signs
5:27 It doesn’t make yo...2022-01-1011 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 51 - It’s Not If You Get Triggered, It’s How You Clean It UpEveryone gets triggered. What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend. In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these moments.
1:30 The pitfall of resolutions
2:24 How we fall prey to the shame monster
3:30 Here’s the actual problem – it’s not what you think
4:38 What you do after the trigger is what makes the difference.
5:08 From Triggered to Tranquil by Dr. Campbell outlines the steps
5:23 How we re...2022-01-0410 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 50 - My Anti-Climactic Sexual Secret RevealedIn Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I’ve been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex.
1:38 Climax in movies or literature
2:38 The “plotline” of our sexual experience
3:15 Our bodies don’t always follow the script
3:30 The challenge of not summiting the mountain
4:15 Most people have this measure for sex
5:00 Another way to think about sexual pleasure
5:40 A new definition for orgasm2021-12-1311 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 49 - The Art of Give and Take in ConversationUnless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected. In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and creating rich connection in conversation.
1:21 My client told me that our sessions were different
2:04 “Tracking impact” is the practice that shifts talking at to talking to someone
2:45 The utterly socially awkward version of me from college
3:30 I ask you for impact.
5:02 Being like a memory foam mattress i...2021-12-0610 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 48 - Hey Sugar Baby: The Risk of Being Blinded by Sweet TalkPet names are sweet and fun. But if you use them too early in your relationship, you risk falling in love with an idea of a sweetheart rather than the actual person. Here’s how you can avoid that pitfall and help your relationship last.
1:30 Remember the beginning of your last relationship
1:46 The filter we see new lovers through
2:29 Milan Kundera quote about the risks of the first days of new love
3:22 The beginning of the relationship will determine what comes next
3:55 The risk of pet names
4:53 Whe...2021-11-3010 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 47 - Why You Should Make Sound When You Make LoveInstead of only sounding in your love making when you feel pleasure, in this episode I explain why you might moan in order to expand your pleasure and in so doing, become a source of your own enchantment.
1:08 I’ll be talking about sex in this episode
1:27 Redefining the term “making love”
2:05 The story that inspired this episode
4:23 Pleasure and sound are reciprocally causal
5:16 The barriers to making sound when making love
6:13 Let’s take a breath together
6:30 A “low stakes” starting point
7:17 Becoming a s...2021-11-2310 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 46 - How to Give Good HugsIt can be easy to rush through a quick squeeze without realizing that hugs can be a source of deep nourishment for our relationships. In this episode, I introduce you to the four principles for learning to give good hugs.
1:11 These two men said I give good hugs.
1:50 I admit, they were right.
2:23 The Four Principles of Hugging Well
2:30 Principle #1
2:58 I define “perma-consent”
3:39 How to ask for a hug consensually
3:54 Principle #2
4:15 Embodying yourself includes these things.
5:07 Principle #3
6:10 Unless you are "...2021-11-1510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 45 - Doing It Even When You Don‘t Feel Like ItHealthy intimacy is not a given. It takes practice, especially when we don’t feel like relating. In this episode, I break down how to align with your desire for connection even through your resistance.
00:55 Intimacy in all forms is a practice.
1:21 I’m not not talking about sex.
2:20 The “rest of the story” for me and my husband in this stressful season.
2:48 Where I got the idea for this episode
3:34 A client example of doing it when they didn’t feel like it
5:10 How to lean into connec...2021-11-0810 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 44 - In the Aftermath: The Gift of a Gentle Come DownFollowing the intensity of last week’s podcast, this week’s show is about the period of rest after the expansion, why down time is so important and my favorite suggestions for how to nurture your nervous system.
1:14 How I first learned about coming down
2:17 What you do after the intensity matters for long term well being
3:12 I’ve overlooked come down often
3:42 Stillness and rest as potent as activity and exertion
4:30 A definition of integration and why it’s important in our personal growth
5:35 The risks of skipp...2021-11-0111 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 43 - How the Hard Times Can Bring Us CloserIn this episode, I share the sad yet empowering story of our recent miscarriage and how that event challenged and deepened my bond with my husband and brought me closer to my community. May this account help others on a similar path to know you are not alone and that we can talk about this.
1:15 Trigger warning
1:25 My intention in telling my story
2:50 How it began
3:25 I had never heard stories to prepare me.
4:35 I had one thing on my side.
5:16 I found my voice – and it wo...2021-10-2511 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 42 - Listening to Help Others Feel Less AloneThe hard times in life are unavoidable. But feeling alone and isolated inside of them is not. How we listen when our loved ones are struggling can make all the difference.
1:21A hypothetical, low stakes conversation and three options for listening
2:20 Do you hear any difference across options?
2:59 The distinction between “attention out” and “attention in”
4:26 When the stakes get higher, this is the key to powerful listening.
4:39 A hypothetical, high stakes conversation and a fourth option for listening
5:46 “Getting someone else’s world”
6:53 How “getting someone’s...2021-10-1210 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 41 - Facing Loss & SofteningLoss hurts. And in the face of it, we can easily resist. When we consider softening something – anything – when we confront loss, we stand to birth new parts of ourselves from which to keep living.
1:17 I share a personal story of epic love, high stakes and loss.
3:09 When in your life did your dreams dissolve?
3:30 The dilemma of the “fix it” mind when we are faced with what we can’t fix
4:26 I pleaded with him for a second chance.
5:00 Letting the self that was known die
5:20 Three main p...2021-10-0511 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 40 - Asking Before You Ask: A Powerful Tool for Consent in LovePacing our communication and seeking consent for the small and big transitions in conversation can smooth the rough edges of our relating and build trust. In this episode, I share this “relational superpower” with you step-by-step.
1:13 I tell you what I’m going to do before I do it (aka this is the tool)
2:02 I define consent
2:30 What gets in the way of bringing our whole selves along into our love lives
3:37 Consent is like the rails to hang on to through the perils of intimacy
4:08 The benefits of asking b...2021-09-2710 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 39 - Shame Is A Bunch of Bull: Banishing Shame from Your Intimate RelatingShame keeps us small, cut off from our instincts and separate. In this episode, I teach you a practice for taking your power back from shame as well as helping others do the same.
1:42 Definition of shame from Dr. Brene Brown
2:33 Get curious about your own relationship to shame.
3:20 No one is unlovable – but we can forget.
3:38 Shame is like a sludge that clogs our capacity to feel our instincts.
4:20 We have choice about the experience.
4:32 Shame needs these three things to grow.
5:29 A story ab...2021-09-2111 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 38 - Why Have You Come? How to Be A Humanizing Force in an Era of DehumanizationThe default is to see others through a narrow lens of what separates us. In Episode 38, I challenge you to look for what connects you to others and take your power back to shape your perception of the people around you.
1:20 I serenade you.
2:32 When we are scared, our tendency is to find someone we can pin the pain on.
2:45 I define what it means to “other”.
3:45 Anais Nin quote
4:30 Perception is a practice.
5:21 The word “sonder” from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows
...2021-09-1411 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 37 - The Health of ”We” Will Show You the Truth of ”Me”Though it’s easy to blame our partners when we feel turned off, sometimes it’s ourselves that we have fallen out of love with, not them. Beginning by restoring our relationship to ourselves can salvage our love affairs.
1:10 How the pattern of compromise begins
2:15 Denying the self to avoid conflict
2:49 A very important truth – sit down for this one.
3:25 Their face has become the reminder of your separation from yourself
4:02 The story of Sarah
4:41 “I like myself when I’m with him”.
5:16 The seeds of this imbala...2021-09-0711 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 36 - Can You Hold My Gaze? What Looking People in the Eyes Will Show You About Your HeartIf eye gazing makes you squirm, you aren’t alone. But have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I describe the process by which eye gazing reveals the truth of our hearts.
1:07 A first eye gazing exercise
2:66 A peek into what I teach couples in intimacy coaching sessions
3:22 The instruction is to keep coming back
3:55 When we hold another’s gaze, it may be them we are seeing but it’s us we are feeling.
4:18 What do you do with your eyes when you are hurt?
5:03 Here’s...2021-08-3110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 35 - Above All We Are Friends: The Centrality of Friendship to Lasting Romantic LoveIt’s easy for relationships to burn hot and to burn quickly out. But if you’re after lasting love, it’s the friendship that you will want to prioritize. In this episode, I explain why and how.
01:10 Many couples are struggling right now.
2:25 My high school dating experiences had nothing to do with friendship.
3:21 Having access to our desires but not being too attached to them
3:50 Cultivating friendship inside of romance calls for surrender and patience.
4:34 “Jess, I have found my person”, she exclaimed. I shuddered.
5:57 Blinded by w...2021-08-2410 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 34 - Short, Sweet & True: How to Make Your Apology EfficientWithout skill or care, an apology can re-inflame the argument and cost us greatly in time, energy and emotions. In this episode, I teach you the four steps to making a heartfelt and efficient apology.
1:18 Think about the last time you apologized
1:38 Apologies without care, skill and intention can backfire
2:20 I define efficiency in intimate communication
3:10 The story of how Rich and I got into an argument about watermelon this week
4:34 Authenticity is messy and loving cleanup is essential
4:54 The four considerations for making a short, sweet...2021-08-1610 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 33 - Kiss Me to My Soul: The Art of Good KissingIf we aren’t careful, we can treat kissing like a stop along the way to sex. But good kissing can be its own destination and invites us to arrive, over and again, through our lips. In this episode, I tell you how.
2:13 I always considered myself a good kisser – but I was wrong.
1:50 Kissing is not a technical sport
2:50 We were taught that sex was a mission to accomplish.
3:47 Exhaustion, resentment and sexual aversion can ensue.
4:18 I describe an alternative way to approach sex.
5:51 A brief test o...2021-08-1010 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 32 - Daring to Let Go: The Vital Role of Space in Intimate RelatingMost of us were taught to hang on in relationship no matter what. In this episode, I talk about how letting go and creating space can actually bring us closer to love especially in long term relationships.
1:14 Closeness without space creates imbalance.
1:26 Autonomy and unity – we need both.
1:56 It’s very common for couples to hang on.
2:40 My client didn’t have an example of individuality inside of long-term relationship
3:17 It’s easy to imagine that space means defeat when we don’t have examples.
4:05 Relationships have their cycle...2021-08-0310 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 31 - On CryingMany of us learned that crying is a sign of weakness. In this episode, I suggest that to the contrary, crying is a sign that you are paying attention to life as long as you are safe enough to let go of control.
00:58 When was the last time you cried?
01:11 Crying is an involuntary act and tells us about our capacity to surrender.
2:12 Children cry with their bodies.
4:26 She hadn’t cried in our work together – and this was important information.
6:10 Crying isn’t just about feeling sad.
7:22...2021-07-2710 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 30 - How to Earn the Trust of the Wild Feminine (In All of Us)Everyone has the wild feminine in us – the part that feels most deeply. In a world that says “you’re too sensitive” as a way to keep us numb, it’s vital that we cultivate the relational skills to take exquisite care of the sensitive hearts that want to trust us.
00:51 Here’s what I mean by the feminine – the part that feels the most.
2:35 A story from my recent honeymoon about a couple fighting on the trail
3:55 Rich and I replayed the scene.
4:33 When trust is damaged, everything matters.
5:15 Turn th...2021-07-1911 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 29 - How to Make Small Time Deep and Feed the Lonely HeartFighting the feeling of time always running out takes discipline and is necessary to truly live. In this episode, I teach you about the “vertical” axis of time and how to make moments count.
1:48 Busy is not a feeling
2:07 A lack of presence will be reflected back to us in our relationships
2:48 What makes the difference between time that zips by and time that feels eternal?
3:09 The horizontal versus the vertical axis of time
4:18 Speed up to slow down
4:39 It’s quality of attention and sensory engagement that ma...2021-07-0511 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 28 - I Am The Center of the Universe, Or Am I?! An Intimacy Coach Attempts to Unpack DecenteringIn this episode I explore the intersection of personal healing work and anti-racism, beginning with "decentering". I attempt to describe how decentering ourselves as white people can be a deeply healing practice to us and to the collective wound of racism.
00:50 Disclaimers for this episode: the intersection between personal healing work and anti-racism
1:38 A definition of decentering in interpersonal relationships
3:05 I teach my clients to decenter their wounded parts and center the most resourced parts of their psyche
3:33 What decentering whiteness means in anti-racist work.
4:58 The relationship between decentering p...2021-06-2811 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 27 - OMG Can you Believe It? Using the “Wow” to Find Enchantment through Life’s TransitionsGiven the intense stress of this past year, it’s likely a part of you is stuck in time and still shocked at it all. Emotional digestion practices are essential for getting unstuck and liberating our energy to receive life in the present. The “wow” practice is one such practice.
01:30 I practiced the wow with a client this week.
1:50 Trauma as a form of jet lag.
2:28 This is what we need in order to get “unstuck” by trauma.
2:31 The importance of emotional digestion for our well-being.
3:11 A story about coming back...2021-06-2110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 26 - I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours: The Power of RevealingWhen we are scared, it’s easy to judge others based on our fears. But when we reveal our more vulnerable parts to one another, we shift from relating to our projections of others to relating to the complex, messy and marvelous humans actually in front of us.
00:51 Let’s get personal – what do you think about me?
1:26 The stories we tell ourselves about one another are called our projections.
2:58 Projections skew reality in one particular direction
3:37 We don’t see the mess of others’ lives on social media.
4:12 I tell a per...2021-06-1411 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 25 - I Make No Apology This Is Me: The Power and the Peril of AngerAfter this past year, most of us are sitting atop a mountain of tension and unexpressed anger. In this week’s episode, I discuss why anger is essential to survival and what can make the difference between anger that hurts us and others and anger that transforms our worlds.
00:55 I’ve been angry lately.
1:36 How has your foundation been strained over the past year?
2:11 Quote from former US poet laureate Tracy K. Smith
3:04 The fuel for anger is virtually everywhere.
3:30 My latest favorite song – I’ve listened almost daily.
4:2...2021-06-0710 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 24: Mending Our Relationships: How Do We Communicate Across Difference?Fear has divided so many of our communities. Are you willing to try to connect through the differences? It's not an easy task. In this episode, I offer initial steps for connecting through conflict.
01:16 Where I live, there is fear in the air.
2:14 Conflict has become normalized.
2:54 Growing up I learned conflict was explosive and scary
3:11 A lack of examples of conflict that can connect us
3:23 Body noticing – what happens when you encounter disagreement?
3:51 The importance of a grounded nervous system
4:24 Views versus value
5...2021-05-2410 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 23: Can I Give You Some Love? The Advanced Yoga of ReceivingWhen love comes knocking, can you grow beyond who you have been to let it in? That’s the question I ask in this episode as well as offer a partner practice that can transform your relationship to receiving.
00:32 I start by giving you some love – can you receive it?
1:57 Think about when someone gives you a complement
2:29 The Big Leap and the Upper Limit Problem
3:16 The factors that set our limits for happiness
4:31 What once protected us can now sharply limit us
5:12 I share a personal story about getting through a very d...2021-05-1709 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 22 -123...London: A Tool for Bringing the Magic Back to Your RelatingResisting the urge to numb ourselves from the overwhelm of life takes determination. In this episode, I teach you a simple tool that you can practice any time for reclaiming the preciousness of your moments and turning stale air into pixie dust.
00:43 My definition of magic
01:02 I tell the story of my Fulbright year and that moment of magic on the train platform
2:45 “1…2…3. London.”
3:55 Why you might be missing moments of your life, too
4:56 The risk of this shortcut
5:25 What he actually did to shake my reality
5:4...2021-05-1010 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 21 - Aren‘t You Curious To Hear This Week‘s Theme?Politeness teaches us to ignore what is right in front of us. Curiosity gives us permission to get out loud again, name what’s present and revive our nerve endings. In episode 21, I invite you to reclaim curiosity with me.
1:20 She asked me about what was right under my nose.
2:17 We learned to get less bold and started pretending.
3:02 If our culture’s value is to be anesthetized, then curiosity will always be a threat.
3:43 My physical body guides my curiosity.
4:20 Valerie Kaur and her book See No Stranger and her quote about wond...2021-05-0310 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 20 - Becoming A Jedi of BoundariesBoundaries not only protect us, they make it possible for us to let others in. However, if your emotional sensitivity is a survival mechanism, it can feel impossible to stop taking responsibility for others. In episode 20, I describe the challenge of boundaries for highly empathic people and include essential action steps for restoring a feeling of control in your relationships.
1:09 I got confused about boundaries at a young age
2:30 I call this “empathy activated in the jungle”
3:10 Empathy without boundaries exacts a high price from the empathizer
3:57 How Obi-Wan Kenobi guided the Jedi's to befr...2021-04-2610 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 19 - Can You Risk the Mess to Come Alive? Befriending Conflict in RelationshipsWhen the tough stuff in relationships arise, most adults look the other way which can be deadly for the quality of our relating over time. But if you have options, you don’t have to default to avoidance. In episode 19, I offer a 5-step process for addressing conflict in healthy ways.
0:49 Here’s what I mean by conflict
2:07 Two main consequences of long-term conflict avoidance
3:12 Like trying to eat dinner over a field of land mines
3:24 Avoidance diminishes the quality of our relating
3:35 Why we avoid
4:51 Our relationship norms have dictated that anythi...2021-04-1910 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 18 - The Intimate Connection Between Pleasure and GriefThe bottom line about grief is that it’s better to feel it than resist it. Yet, most adults resist grief. With episode 18, I demystify the communal grieving process as well as make a connection between pleasure and grief that I bet you didn’t realize.
1:05 The beginning of my grief journey
1:43 My initial grieving experiences were private
2:31 I was scared of being seen in my grief.
4:08 What happened next changed my life.
4:40 One by one, people would burst open.
5:00 No one went to the altar alone.
5:36 I willed my feet to m...2021-04-1310 min
Pink Noise PossePN 29_intimacy coaching with Jessica TartaroHost Sheri Hauser realizes that once again, we teach what we heal from. Her guest, Dr. Jessica Tartaro rediscovered her sexual being that had been inside her body all along. She told me that intimacy can be learned, like any trade, craft or ability, and that she has made it her mission to share this knowledge with others as a truth teller. We somehow danced our way into Racial Justice content, and she ends with a powerful message about the importance of collective grieving. I hope you enjoy the ride.
Produced for Cafe Racer Radio, original broadcast April 11, 2021.
https://www...2021-04-101h 02
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 17 - How Using A Timer Can Be SexyIn Episode 17 I talk about how using a timer can not only help you be more productive in life, it can also intensify and direct the heat, desire and yearning in your physical intimacy. I dare you to try it this week.
0:49 “I’ll time you!” worked every time with our youngest brother.
1:35 When we create the artifact of limited time, something inside may enliven that would otherwise be dull.
2:25 It can be easy to fog out in our days without social interaction.
3:50 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability
4:49 While the timer is tickin...2021-04-0510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 16 - Saying Nothing, You Give Me EverythingThere’s so much in life right now that can’t be fixed or changed. The harder option is to listen, ground and feel. In this episode, I walk you through how to say nothing as a listener and in so doing, effectively lighten the emotional loads of those around you. Episode 16 is here.
1:20 “I hear you, I’m with you and I’m not trying to fix or change you”.
1:46 Being present with the unfixable is an advanced skill most people can’t do.
2:12 I talk you through – in slow motion – what happens when you are listening to...2021-03-2910 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 15 - Baby Tell Me What You Need!While infants can’t do it, as adults we can ask for what we need when we most need it. In this week’s episode, I share candidly about my rough week and how I found my words to climb out of my despair. Episode 15 is here.
1:00 I introduce you to my sister’s first daughter, Taylor.
2:20 The adults who couldn’t soothe her and this poor baby who couldn’t be soothed
3:05 It may seem impossible but it’s only just really, really hard (to ask for what we need).
3:28 I admit the truth about my...2021-03-2210 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 14 - Blaming: The Classic Relationship BlunderIt’s an advanced skill to avoid blaming those we trust the most when we are hurting. And it’s vital for ensuring we preserve our sources of support when we most need them. Episode 14 is here.
1:00 A definition of blaming in relationship
2:00 The conundrum of hurting the people we trust the most
2:31 The closer we get to them, the more slippery the blaming slope becomes
4:12 Vizzini the Sicilian from the Princess Pride and his famous lines
5:10 The blaming worsens the burden and alienates our support
5:48 An example of a couple I coach...2021-03-1510 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 13 - Let the Sun Set On Your Anger & Rise On Your ForgivenessIt may be timeless, but the traditional advice, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” may not fit the modern relationship.
0:57 I am willing to contradict the Bible to find what works for the modern relationship
2:20 Late at night, the gargoyles come out.
2:48 When the sun rises, I have more access to my forgiveness.
3:05 Sleep is a winning factor when it comes to love.
4:42 When did you stop dancing? Singing? Being enchanted by stories? Finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?
5:20 During sleep, we are doing important emotional metabolizing...2021-03-0809 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 12 - Savoring (In Bed)In episode 12... We think we need to wait for something good to happen before we savor life. But it’s possible to savor the little things and in so doing, grow more of the good things we want.
0:44 I share a fun secret with you about my podcast and sex
1:35 Dad loved food – “savoring and sweating”
2:15 When you choose to lean into enjoying a moment, it can reward you with more things to enjoy.
2:57 Why this is hard
3:58 Find the one thing you can be grateful for and savor the sh***t out of it.2021-03-0110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 11 - Talking About Talking About SexThe ability to connect your words to your sexual body matters. In episode 11, I share a first step to talking about sex in healthy, connected ways. Warning: this episode contains content that may be challenging for very sensitive listeners.
1:50 Sex brings us into feelings
2:05 The ability to stay present in high sensation
2:20 Notice what happens for you as you listen
3:05 Talking about sex in the VA
4:05 Direct correlation between talking about sex and having fulfilling sex
4:50 Clarifying terms
5:55 Making sexual connection a practice
8:08 Our genitals deserve to be named
9:03 T...2021-02-2210 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 10 - Grounded Yearning: The Art of Breaking OpenWe’ve mostly been taught in love to make it feel good. But learning to expand into the ache of wanting but not having is a vital element for mature and empowering intimacy. In episode 10, I invite you to practice “grounded yearning” with me.
1:15 Distress or discomfort has value to us
1:50 Big feelings need big space
2:01 Think, an ocean trying to get through a garden hose
2:27 A definition of yearning
3:16 I want my emotions to energize, inspire and expand me - not drown me
3:30 You have to practice distress tolerance/self-soothing to receive...2021-02-1610 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 9 - Why I Go To Therapy & Why You Might TooIn episode 9, I introduce you to my 19-year-old college self and describe my choice to start therapy. The year was 1995. I haven’t stopped since. Here’s why.
1:00 My intent is not to persuade you but to educate you.
2:00 The beginning of my therapy journey
2:55 He told me that I coped by intellectualizing.
3:50 I began to drop into my body and unlock grief, rage, horror and sadness.
4:15 Like waking up from a fog.
4:34 With my therapist, I practice "doing life better".
5:07 The therapy relationship is a template – a taste of healthy relati...2021-02-0809 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 8 - Re-Norming BoundariesIn episode 8, I talk about why boundaries are important, what makes them so darn hard and an example of “re-norming” boundaries in my connection to my friend, Renee.
0:40 Shifting boundaries from being bad into something we celebrate
2:00 We have to be a person to connect with other people.
2:15 Some examples of boundaries I set this week
3:20 Looking to childhood lessons around boundaries to understand why they are hard to set in adulthood
4:35 Most adult relationships are not "boundary friendly"
5:05 There’s nothing wrong with you if you struggle with setting boundaries.
6:05 Together...2021-02-0110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 7 - Making Love StayIn episode 7, I tell you about an exchange I had with my husband when I didn’t feel listened to and how I handled it. Making love stay is a practice. Here’s one way you can practice, too.
0:38 My husband didn’t get it right with me.
1:25 What would you have done?
2:09 Tom Robbins quote about love and making magic
3:35 Magic isn’t possible when you don’t feel safe.
4:15 As long as you feel safe, try speaking to the best parts of the other person.
5:10 I could have punished him, but…
6:20...2021-01-2511 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 6 - Saying ”Hi” to Your Inner Critic (aka ”Letting Others In”)In episode number 6, I introduce “inner parts work” and talk about saying “hi” to your critic. Try it out. You may just find that when you acknowledge your critic in a welcoming, friendly way, you create more room inside to let others in too.
1:40 The “outer” work of intimacy depends on the “inside work” of connection with ourselves
2:25 Introduction to working with parts
3:35 Health is the integration of all the parts
4:32 Can you hear your critic?
5:57 My critic is a tight-bun-wearing-academic who roars!
7:10 Live demo: I say hi to my inner critic (a first step)...2021-01-1710 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 5 - The Embodied I‘m Sorry: More Than WordsIn episode 5, I talk about how in a life of authenticity, we will make messes. It’s inevitable! Being able to say, “I’m sorry” with the integrity of your body and actions behind it will make all the difference for continued and deepening connection.
1:25: In a life of authenticity, it's not a question of "will we" make waves. We will. It’s how we clean it up that matters.
3:20: Taking up space is part of being a healthy human. In a dynamic, full range life, we want to make an impact. It's a sign that we are connec...2021-01-1110 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 4 - Saying What‘s True Part 2: Making Agreements for TruthIn Episode 4, I challenge you to make agreements with the people in your life to reveal more truth. It will change you, them and your ability to weather the storms of your lives together.
0:38 I serenade you!
1:25 “Can you and I make an agreement?"
3:00 Making agreements creates a “net” to catch us in the discomfort so we don’t have to run away
4:15 Last week I confronted my sister about a broken agreement
5:35 “Authenticity is efficient”
6:20 It’s never too late to come back into truth.
6:37 Starting with “I need to admit that…”
...2021-01-0409 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 3 - Saying What’s True Part 1: Starting with the BodyIn Episode 3, I connect truth telling in relationship with getting connected to the body, even the stinkiest parts of being in the body!
1:50: What makes saying what’s true so hard.
2:20: We were noticing what was true – but no one was naming it.
3:20: “Don’t name the thing.”
4:13: I don’t like mustard!
5:30: How do we reconcile what we are saying with what we are feeling? Begin with the body.
6:35: First practice this week: Notice the body without story.
7:32: I say the “f” word (it’s not what you think).
8:20: When we start with...2020-12-2811 min
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 2 - Risking Uncool to Get On Purpose In ConnectionIn Episode 2, I share a story from my childhood to demonstrate what it means to shed cool in lieu of taking care of ourselves and our hearts. Be sure to try this week's assignment!
1:25 Think about intimacy practices like exercise reps
1:45 The harder life gets, the more we need "connection muscle tone"
2:10. Discipline can be sexy!
3:10 A very embarrassing story from 1986
5:20 Dad wanted us to pause and interrupt “business as usual”
5:50 A new definition of cool
6:45 My husband squeezed my knee at this point
7:00 “Are you available to talk? I really...2020-12-2110 min
Pink Noise PossePN_12 saturated by aliveness with Kim WilsonAny story that kicks off with a sacrifice to the sun gods, had me curious about the direction we would go. Kim Wilson, owner of Thrive dives into somatic practices through tantra and body awareness that develops a greater sense of ones needs and the ability to self-heal. We cover unconscious limiting beliefs, and how sadness and fear are just pieces of information that remind of the experience of being alive. Produced for Cafe Racer Radio, original broadcast December 13, 2020.
https://livetothrive.ca/
In talking about lifelong learning, my discomfort around my role in the Racial Justice Movement shows up, and...2020-12-121h 00
Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica TartaroEpisode 1 - Emotional Literacy: The Class None of Us Took (but it‘s not too late...)In this opening episode, I introduce the idea that everyone can cultivate the ability to connect in deep, satisfying ways. Think of intimacy like a curriculum. In "Under 10", I will share with you the tools for learning the curriculum of intimacy, step-by-step.
0:20: The birth of this podcast
2:45: I reveal my age
3:14: What was missing in my education (and yours too)
5:05: What if we practiced relating like learning scales on a piano
6:10: Think about this podcast like an intimacy class
6:45: Getting on purpose with our relating
8:00: Your assignment for this week
9:50: N...2020-12-0910 min
Meditation for Moms: A Transformational Journey to Reclaim Your Authentic SelfAre you a mother who is feeling overwhelmed, tired and stuck in life? No matter what the struggle is, your Spirit is calling you to release it and reclaim your authentic self.
Life is meant to be purposeful and filled with passion. We are meant to be abundantly well and happy. Through practicing the Art of Transformational Meditation, you can begin to awaken to your hearts desires, your inner guidance and inner peace.
Join Marie Georgopulos, Divine Messenger, Intuitive Healer and Spiritual Mentor, as she teaches you the Art of Transformational Meditation to restore balance and harmony in life through s...2016-01-1900 min
From My Mama's Kitchen® Talk Radio ShowMeditation for Moms: A Transformational Journey to Reclaim Your Authentic SelfAre you a mother who is feeling overwhelmed, tired and stuck in life? No matter what the struggle is, your Spirit is calling you to release it and reclaim your authentic self. Life is meant to be purposeful and filled with passion. We are meant to be abundantly well and happy. Through practicing the Art of Transformational Meditation, you can begin to awaken to your hearts desires, your inner guidance and inner peace. Join Marie Georgopulos, Divine Messenger, Intuitive Healer and Spiritual Mentor, as she teaches you the Art of Transformational Meditation to restore balance and harmony in life through s...2016-01-1959 min