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Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 87: Lord Byron Pt. 3Send us a textTW: Dead kids;We're finally here, to the ending legacy of Lord Byron! Fraught with love affairs, well-meaning missions, and neglected children-- Lord Byron is truly one of the biggest piles of shit we've covered on this show. And that's saying something. Join us as we follow our club-footed companion through his dangerous affairs in Italy... and his untimely death in Greece!Also, bonus announcement in the back of this episode. We're not done, just delayed! See you next time!
2025-01-221h 33Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 86: Lord Byron Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Incest, Pedophilia, Rape, Suicide; Well I'm sure you can tell from the trigger warnings, but the second part of our three-part series on Lord Byron has arrived! Find what happens when a man with questionable morals gets a shitload of cash and spends even more on credit, all while gaining a steady amount of fame for his epic work, "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage"!
2025-01-081h 11Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 85: Lord Byron Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Child Abuse, Dead Kids, Incest, Pedophilia, Rape, Torture;Welcome! To Caleb Can't Read Season 7! This time we're coming in with a bang-- with our cousins! Join us in our three-part series about how such a bastard comes to be as infamous-- and yet still somehow so loved-- as King of the Fuccbois, Lord Byron!
2024-12-051h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 84: Richard ConnellSend us a textFor our special 11th author on this season finale, we are looking at the short history of Richard Connell, the author of one of horror's most influential (for better or worse) stories, "The Most Dangerous Game"!
2024-12-0235 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 83: John Howard GriffinSend us a textYou ever go a little too far with your good intentions? John did. And hoo boy is it a doozy. Come cringe with us as we discuss the man who lived undercover in the Deep South in the worst way possible and his resulting novel, "Black Like Me", John Howard Griffin!
2024-10-231h 02Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 82: George DawsonSend us a textTW: Dead kids;Been a while since we talked about lynchings, shootings, and the misjustices of America, hasn't it? Well wake up and give your kids a shot of whiskey, 'cause today we're covering one of the oldest authors to ever publish a book, the old and ever-delightful George Dawson!
2024-09-231h 13Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 81: Walt WhitmanSend us a textWelcome! To Nicole Can't Leave! Join us as we go over the life of poetry's most closeted man, and voted Most Likely to Smell Like Used Motor Oil in his high school yearbook: the author of the infamous "Leaves of Grass", Walt Whitman!
2024-09-181h 58Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 80.5: Caleb Can't HangSend us a textI'll reiterate it here in case you don't have the time, but basically Caleb will be taking several short hiatuses between authors 'cause he's such a busy guy. And while yes, this is technically the definition of slowing down, the podcast ain't goin' anywhere. We have several, SEVERAL subjects to get through, and if we wait 'til Caleb's good n' ready each time, we'll be 50 years old by the time we get to Episode 100. So in the meantime, stay tuned for more content coming your way!
2024-09-0404 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 80: Shirley JacksonSend us a textooOOOOoowe're here to tell you frightening tales-- like those of manipulative husbands, bad adaptations, and mixing your prescriptions! We're also here to talk about the woman who has largely been considered the Queen of Horror, Shirley Jackson! Join us as we go over her long career, her fight with critics, and some of her most famous works!
2024-08-081h 32Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 79: Jose Rizal Pt. 3Send us a textDamn, who's that guy over there in the corner? Oh man, you say he's a doctor? And a writer? And in trouble with the Spanish government? And he bangs all the high-class ladies? And he-- oh. Oh, he says the alcohol wasn't free. Oh, he's making me pay for his meal. Ah. Well then, this could only be the conclusion to the most illustrious Jose Rizal!
2024-06-191h 12Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 78: Jose Rizal Pt. 2Send us a textThis poor dude might've actually done less damage had he just been left the hell alone. Sure they say the pen is mightier than the sword, but Jose Rizal seemed content to let sleeping Spaniards lie once he found out how much trouble he was in. Unfortunately, the people around him would force his environments to change, and his life to be forever altered. Join us as we delve into the further life of Jose Rizal, author of "El Filibusterismo", and how he almost certainly did not bang Hitler's mom or kill all tho...
2024-06-031h 05Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 77: Jose Rizal Pt. 1Send us a textSometimes you gotta be the change you wanna see in the world. And sometimes, you gotta piss off a whole lot of people to do it. Join us as we talk about the early life of the Philippines' foremost national hero, Jose Rizal, as well as his terrible finances, his bad housemate manners, and which side of his pants he hung his hog. Salamat!
2024-05-201h 20Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 76: Federico Garcia LorcaSend us a textHey kids, you wanna get mad about the shitty injustices of the world? You wanna hear the story of a brilliant poet whose life had to end because of how he was born? Wanna hear our perfect pronunciations of Spanish words? Then join us this episode as we delve into the short, sporadic life of one of Spain's most famous poets, Federico Garcia Lorca!
2024-04-151h 31Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 75: Sun TzuSend us a textTW: Torture;You ever have your boss ask you to make a manual of your process at work but really you know they're just trying to understand what the fuck it is you do? While we may not know the story behind the author to a great extent, we fully understand the purpose of his work. Unfortunately a little too well. Join us as we delve into "The Art of War", and its author, Sun Tzu!
2024-04-0958 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 74: Nadia AnjumanSend us a textTW: Abuse;While I wouldn't call this our happiest episode, the story of Nadia Anjuman needs to be told. Her work is criminally underrepresented in the West, and we can only hope that as her message is spread, so too are her poems.
2024-02-1834 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 73: Percy Bysshe Shelley Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Dead kids, Suicide;When a guy like Percy comes along, history seems to revolve around them. Not in like-- a way in which important events seem to crop up around them, but in the fact that we know every little detail about this douchebag's life. If you like kidnapped children, terrible fathers, and boating accidents, boy do we have the guy for you! Join us as we trudge through the remaining years in the short life of our King of Kings: Percy Bysshe Shelley!
2024-02-111h 30Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 72: Percy Bysshe Shelley Pt. 1Send us a textIt's been two years since we last talked about our Terrible Trio: Mary, Percy, and the good ol' Lord Byron. But today we continue the saga with "Mad Shelley", a poet who showed a penchant for explosives, electricity, and freaking out when it was most convenient. Join us as we delve into his earliest works, and the incredible knack he had for pissing off every single person he ever met!
2024-01-061h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 71: Cormac McCarthy Pt. 2Send us a textMerry Christmas, you filthy animals aware of your own degradation and the wallowing of your own sins, it's the conclusion to our Cormac McCarthy series! This episode, we'll be heavily delving into the works he completed from the years 1985 onward, including "Blood Meridian", "The Road", and the rest. Keep dancing and never die, kids! This is a depressing one!
2023-12-241h 56Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 70: Cormac McCarthy Pt. 1Send us a textWelcome to Season 6, cowpoke! Join us as we discuss our favorite all-time author, Cormac McCarthy! For the little we really know about his life, the least we can do is celebrate his earliest works, including "The Orchard Keeper", "Outer Dark", "Child of God", and "Suttree". Come take a preliminary course in his works before we jump into his more well-known novels next episode! Yee haw (--but in a depressed, sullen way, like mulling over the low value of man's achievements)!
2023-12-121h 14Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 69: The Kama SutraSend us a textLight up those skin-safe wax candles and slip on into the non-slip tub, for our Season 5 finale we're gettin' greased up, guffed up, and goofed up to bring you our discussion on the quintessential sex book: the "Kama Sutra"! Join us as we discuss the practices still in use today, the ones we wish weren't, and whether or not a famous explorer had a perverted past. See you soon for Season 6!
2023-11-2056 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 68: Charles Dickens Pt. 2Send us a textIf you thought the guy was a bastard before, well, no need to change your viewpoint for this episode, I guess. We're here to find out MORE of his shitty opinions, how he felt about his weirdly-named children, the train crash that nearly killed him, and some of the greatest works from the latter-half of his life, including "David Copperfield", "A Tale of Two Cities", "Great Expectations", & more!
2023-11-121h 37Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 67: Charles Dickens Pt. 1Send us a textMy lord did this guy get up to some shit. Between the terrorist bird, the woman he tried to drown, the man he was sort of complicit in killing... this man lived a full life all before he turned 40. Join us as we go over the major early works of Charles Dickens, including "The Pickwick Papers", "Oliver Twist", and "A Christmas Carol", as well as all his shitty opinions!
2023-10-292h 03Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 66: Emily DickinsonSend us a textEmily Dickinson could only be described as a Livewire within poetry. Someone who Blasted the competition out of the water. Unfortunately, her reclusive lifestyle led to her having no real fame until after her death, where her Mountain of works were finally published to universal acclaim. Join us as we go through her ghostly presence and her most famous works, while exploring the flavors of New Dew.(Come to think of it, why didn't they release an alcoholic Code Red?)
2023-10-071h 17Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 65: Philip K. Dick Pt. 2Send us a textWhat a long road it's been. And that road is filled with androids dressed as Romans looking to kill you in a plot 2000 years in the making. Join us as we try to unravel the final years of history's most insane or prophetic writer (depending on what you believe). Time to head on down to the bus stop and yell at wind, we're discussing the ending saga of Philip K. Dick!
2023-09-181h 40Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 64: Philip K. Dick Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Rape, Suicide;Sex! Drugs! Drugs! Rock n' Roll! Drugs! Well, maybe not so much the sex and Rock n' Roll but at least we got drugs! Philip K. Dick is certainly one of those authors that you know from the hundreds of adaptations you've seen on TV, whether you're aware of it or not, including "The Man in the High Castle", "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep", and "Ubik"! And perhaps that's been his long con all along... to cement himself within our psyche... What was that? Are you listen...
2023-08-161h 42Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 63: Jane Austen Pt. 2Send us a textYou know how to piss off a fanbase? Tell them the truth. Join us as we go into the rest of Jane Austen's life, as she produces satire after satire that seems to go over 50% of the population's head. If she lived longer than she did, there's a good chance she would've finally told the world herself, but unfortunately, we're left with a lot of speculation as to her motives, her politics, and her humor-- all of which is easy to understand if you stop trying to fill in the blanks for yourself. Eith...
2023-07-221h 35Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 62: Jane Austen Pt. 1Send us a textMiss us? Don't answer that it'll make me sad. Well we took an impromptu mid-season break by mistake but we're back! Come join us as we go over the early life and works of a very misunderstood lady, someone who's known today for the kind of work that she was actually making fun of in the first place, Jane Austen!
2023-07-091h 13Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 61: William S. Burroughs Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Pedophilia;Jesus Christ this guy. For some of you, this will for sure be a sad goodbye, as we delve into the remaining years of William S. Burroughs and his works, including his magnum opus, "Naked Lunch". For those of us with a disgust for beatniks, it couldn't come soon enough.
2023-05-141h 52Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 60: William S. Burroughs Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Child Abuse, Pedophilia;Now have we dealt with some real pieces of shit here on Caleb Can't Read? Boy have we. Conmen, torturers, literal Nazis... But William S. Burroughs is a special kind of bastard. Come join us as delve into perhaps the most infamous writer of the Beat Generation and the making of his first novel, "Junkie", as well as what cost him his freedom in two countries and a couple dead friends.
2023-04-301h 24Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 59: Francois RabelaisSend us a textIf there were ever a superhero that could drown a man in piss and make you question why you ever called on them in the first place, Francois Rabelais would be the PeePee PooPoo Man. (The 'P' symbol on his chest stands for 'hoPe'.) Since Chaucer's invention of words used on Caleb Can't Read today, there was a man in the 1500's that put such a vocabulary to beautiful use... and continued to use it until he literally became a target of the Catholic Church. That's right, the author of "Gargantua and Pantagruel" thr...
2023-04-171h 40Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 58: Roald Dahl Pt. 2Send us a textFor a man such as Roald Dahl, author of "The BFG", "Matilda", and "The Fantastic Mr. Fox", what can you say about him? That he was problematic? A bit creepy with his erotica and kind of shitty to his kids? That he said some problematic things and was a hypocrite when it came to the messages he wrote for children but didn't do himself?Yes.
2023-03-211h 40Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 57: Roald Dahl Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Child Abuse, Dead Kids;To those of you familiar with Roald Dahl's life, you may remember his beginnings as a severely abused child, an ace fighter pilot, and a sexual secret agent. To those of you who are unfamiliar with Roald Dahl... well... we have some surprises for you. Join us today as we delve into the early life of the man behind "James and the Giant Peach" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", two of his early classics that we'll delve into this episode, as well as his earlier ca...
2023-03-101h 25Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 56: Rudyard Kipling Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Dead Kids;Welcome, you bunch of animals! Come delve into the heyday of Rudyard Kipling, from his surprisingly non-racist classic "The Jungle Book", to his questionable masterpiece "Kim", and alllll the way through his problematic hit "The White Man's Burden". For a man who loved to literally invent new slurs, will he be able to redeem himself? Come listen to find out!
2023-02-201h 37Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 55: Rudyard Kipling Pt. 1Send us a textAh, Kipling. A brilliant poet. A wonderful storyteller. A hell of a racist. Join us as we discuss the early life of English literature's most troubling slur creator!
2023-01-261h 19Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 55: Rudyard Kipling Pt. 1Ah, Kipling. A brilliant poet. A wonderful storyteller. A hell of a racist. Join us as we discuss the early life of English literature's most troubling slur creator!
2023-01-231h 20Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 54: Jose Saramago Pt. 2Send us a textKept you waiting? Well we've been dealing with a lot of illnesses lately, which oddly enough is the theme for this episode and Jose Saramago's remaining works. Come join us as we delve into his remaining catalogue, such as "Blindness", "Death With Interruptions", and "The Gospel According to Jesus Christ"!
2023-01-011h 23Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 53: Jose Saramago Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Child abuse;For what would have been his 100th birthday, we are presenting you with the early life of Jose Saramago, arguably (by me-- I argue this--) Portugal's best writer. Join us as we delve into his shitty childhood, his bizarre family, and his early works which would later gain a cult following, including "Manual of Calligraphy and Painting", "The Lives of Things", and "Baltasar & Blimunda"!
2022-11-161h 21Caleb Can't ReadOuttakesSend us a textLook, we are not experts. I swear to God, if ever we did a live show, people would have to sit through a good 20 minutes before we actually get to the source material, based solely on the fact that one of us hated how we opened the episode, and were quicker at pressing the 'stop' button than the other could cover it with their hand.
2022-11-1521 min2022-11-0300 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 52: Sylvia PlathSend us a textTW: Abuse, Dead Kids, Suicide;For our Season 4 finale, we bring to you a lot of sad. For real, there's like 3 different people who die by their own hand in this. But anyway, Sylvia Plath has become an authority in the poetry world since her passing, and her brilliance is something that must to be reiterated. Again though, if you're going through some shit right now, maybe give this one a pass.What I will say is that we will have our Season 5 opener sometime in November, but unsure of...
2022-10-171h 37Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 51: NostradamusSend us a textBet you didn't see this one coming! Huh?! Haha, yeah... Anyway, this guy's a fuckin' fraud, and we're here to tell you all about it. Come listen to us discuss the bullshit prophecies of one of the most infamous conmen, Nostradamus!
2022-09-3044 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 50: Helen KellerSend us a textTW: Alabama;It's our 50th episode! And to celebrate, we're going over the sad sad tale of Helen Keller, most well-known for overcoming her blind and deaf disabilities to become a prolific author and Socialist activist, and not as well-known for her weird religion and once flying a whole goddamn plane.
2022-09-171h 16Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 49: Louis BrailleSend us a textCome join us as we discuss the life of Louis Braille, the man who invented a system for the blind to read while he was only 15! And also sharing a bathroom with 120 other men. Yes, the 1800's were a pooey time, especially if you were blind before Braille, which we'll also talk about. Seriously, you were like town jester if you had a disability. Not like today, where you can even be the co-host of your very own podcast.
2022-09-0237 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 48: Roberto BolanoSend us a textTW: Torture;Welcome to perhaps the most pretentious Latin American writer there ever was, Roberto Bolano! Come learn the backstory of the man who witnessed more than one atrocity in several countries, paving the way for him to create the two novels that one hipster chick was telling you about before her Marxist idealization turned you off, "2666" and "The Savage Detectives"!
2022-08-231h 27Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 47: ChaucerSend us a textTW: Rape;You may know him as "Geoffrey Chaucer", but we know him as "Geoffrey Chaucer, God of Farts". Welcome to our episode on the man who quite literally invented the word, and perfected the ass-craft with his most famous stories-- and the precursor to the entire English literary scene-- "The Canterbury Tales"!
2022-08-091h 36Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 46: Willa Cather Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Rape;Good goofin' God we're back in Nebraska. Come join us as we go over the greatest works of Willa Cather; including "Death Comes for the Archbishop", "My Antonia", and "One of Ours", as well as the last years of her life, fraught with pain and loss. Yay!
2022-07-291h 10Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 45: Willa Cather Pt. 1Send us a textWe hear you, and your prayers have been answered: you want more Nebraska. Well today we have for you the embodiment of Nebraska itself, the author of "The Prairie Trilogy", and famous derby-hat-wearer, Willa Cather!
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Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 44: Herman Melville Pt. 3Send us a textWelcome to our finale of Herman Melville folks. The end of his depressing, destructive life, and yet the birth of Billy Budd, the "Handsome Sailor", a man so thicc with love, that he climaxes our hearts. Anyway, we'll be covering some of his most memorable stories here as well, including "Bartleby" and "Benito Cereno" as well. High school English course, here we come!
2022-06-271h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 43: Herman Melville Pt. 2Send us a textCome join us as we go in length into the great American masterpiece, "Moby Dick"! There's traumatized toddlers! Dick fat! A South Seas gay marriage! Everything needed to run a safe re-election!
2022-06-111h 13Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 42: Herman Melville Pt. 1Send us a textSplit your lungs with blood and thunder, kids! It's Herman Melville! As we begin our journey into the life of this troubled sailor, we will be focusing on his career as a failed writer before his eventual magnum opus, "Moby Dick". Take your Dramamine, the water's gonna be rough!
2022-05-291h 05Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 41.5: Scheduling UpdateSend us a textHello, all. This is just a quick update for anyone wondering why we've got such a strange episode schedule currently. Short answer: it's because we don't make any money on this podcast so we're fighting for our lives with our day jobs. And with schedule changes for our day jobs comes schedule changes for our episodes on here. Episodes will now come every 2 weeks until further notice. Thanks for your understanding!
2022-05-2501 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 41: Dalton TrumboSend us a textWHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE COMMIE? YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO UNCLE SAM THAT WAY? Well it turns out that someone DID talk to Uncle Sam that way, and his name was James Dalton Trumbo, author of "Johnny Got His Gun" and the (in)famous Communist blacklisted from Hollywood! Come listen to us discuss his most well-known work as well as Jordan not knowing the difference between Audrey and Katherine Hepburn.
2022-05-141h 07Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 40: Iceberg SlimSend us a textTW: Abuse, just... a lot of abuse all around. Please skip this one if you've got any kind of hangups on this;Welcome to the first episode for Season 4 of Caleb Can't Read! And along with it, the most notorious pimp of them all, and the man who literally wrote the handbook on it, Iceberg Slim!
2022-04-301h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 39: Charles BukowskiSend us a textTW: Child Abuse, Rape;You know us, we love a good shithead. Well we're digging up one of the most glorified of all the drunk, abusive, deadbeat writers of them all, the poet and novelist Charles Bukowski!
2022-03-191h 29Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 38: William Pierce IIISend us a textWell we typed in "worst author" and this guy unsurprisingly topped every list right ahead of Glenn Beck. Come join us as we make fun of a Nazi who tried his hand at a literature and gloriously failed, the author behind terrorist propaganda book "The Turner Diaries", William Pierce III!
2022-03-121h 12Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 37: BeowulfSend us a textCOME FROM THE LAND OF THE ICE AND SNOW FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS BLOW we're doing "Beowulf" today. Come join us on the journey through ransacked England, a house fire, and the melding of reality and fiction which brings us one of the oldest Viking tales we know!
2022-03-051h 05Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 36: Johann David WyssSend us a textWe've got emotional issues and we're having a hard time dealing with them, it's Johann David Wyss & Co., the authors of "The Swiss Family Robinson"!
2022-02-2642 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 35: Daniel DefoeSend us a textDo you love spies? Pirates? Gilligan's Island? Then this episode is for you! Come listen to the tale of Daniel Defoe, the man who wanted nothing more than to be accepted by literally anybody. And he also wrote "Robinson Crusoe" if you're into that kind of thing.
2022-02-211h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 34: The History of Book BurningsSend us a textWell what can I say? While this shit has always been around, it feels as though it's having a dramatic spike in America recently. Come listen to some of history's most infamous instances of one of the world's most pointless acts!
2022-02-121h 16Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 33: Cervantes Pt. 2Send us a textWelcome to the tale of "Don Quixote"! If you wanted a tale of drama, love, and intrigue, see our episode on Mary Wollstonecraft. But if you want the story of two men who vomit on each other, this is the book for you. Follow us through the last years of the man who popularized satire, Miguel de Cervantes!
2022-02-061h 06Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 32: Cervantes Pt. 1Send us a textWe've got everything with this one. We've got knights. We've got pirates. We've got slavery. It's a very problematic time period as I'm sure you're well aware of by now. Come listen to the tale of a man who was a victim/perpetrator of it all, the son of a lowly barber-surgeon... Miguel de Cervantes!
2022-01-3057 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 31: Jean-Dominique BaubySend us a textI know you've probably been thinking, "Hey, I've got good excuses not to do that thing I've always wanted to do. Like burning down a cop station, or writing a book." Well we're here to tell you that your excuses are bullshit! Here is the story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, the author of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", who wrote the ENTIRE novel with the use of one eyelid due to his very rare locked-in syndrome. If he can do it, so can you!Now go out there and give your fath...
2022-01-2331 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 30: Mary Shelley Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Dead Kids, Incest;God these kids are the fucking worst. Are we ready to talk about their worst attributes and best personalities? Alright then, let's go over the rest of Mary Shelley's accomplished (and sometime infamous) works. Namely, "Frankenstein", "Mathilda", and "The Last Man". Here we fuckin' gooooo....
2022-01-151h 31Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 29: Mary Shelley Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Suicide;Do me a favor: think about how refined and elegant you'd expect an accomplished author (such as Mary Shelley) and a world-renowned poet (such as Percy Shelley) would be.Good.Now set those expectations WAAAAAY fucking lower. These kids are some of the most annoying we've covered, and by God are they proud of that fact. I will say it's impressive how no matter what technology we've invented, what accomplishments we've conquered as a species, there will always be those people you know who get of...
2022-01-091h 01Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 28: Mary WollstonecraftSend us a textTW: Rape, Suicide;It's good to be back. And with a recording device that so far hasn't fucked us! This season we're kicking it off with the Queen of Feminism herself, Mary Wollstonecraft!
2021-12-291h 16Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 27.5: We Can't Publish The Next GuySend us a textAlright look, we DID have a 10th author for our season finale but due to our information being readily available, we are gonna have to veto this guy for now. HOWEVER, come listen to Jordan read to Caleb the first chapter of infamous Harry Potter fanfic "My Immortal" for now while we get some shit figured out. See y'all in January!
2021-11-2910 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 27: J.M. BarrieSend us a textTW: Pedophilia (EXCEPT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST HE DID ANY SUCH THING BUT WE CERTAINLY DID DISCUSS IT), Suicide;Who wants to get "Peter Pan" ruined for them? Well jump on in and let's take a nosedive into the strangely upsetting childhood of J.M. Barrie, which leads us to the upsetting adulthood of J.M. Barrie!
2021-11-131h 31Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 26: Flannery O'Connor Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Dead Kids;Hoo boy here we go with the racism again. Join us for our discussion on Flannery O'Connor's Souther Gothic masterpiece "A Good Man Is Hard To Find", along with her novel "The Violent Bear It Away", and the rest of her work during her ever-declining health. How fun!
2021-11-0658 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 25: Flannery O'Connor Pt. 1Send us a textWith the need for goth girlfriends on the rise, we can bring you at least one of those things: the advent of the Southern Gothic. While Flannery O'Connor was not the first to write in this style, she was definitely the greatest influence-- and possibly the greatest writer to contribute to-- the Southern Gothic genre. Come listen to us discuss the beginning of her career with her novel "Wise Blood", before going on to absolutely demolish the expectations of what women "should" write.
2021-10-241h 01Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 24: Ralph EllisonSend us a textTW: Incest, Rape;He's angry, he's sick of the hypocrisy, and he's not afraid to shove his middle finger in your face and tell you so. Come listen to us discuss the man who helped light the powder keg of the Civil Rights movement and his critically-acclaimed novel "Invisible Man", Ralph Ellison!
2021-10-171h 31Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 23: William McGonagallSend us a textDear God in Heaven he's known as the worst poet in history and for good reason. Between whales, bridges, and jute, the man is an unstoppable force of ass. Not the good kind. We're here to discuss the man, the myth, the unfortunate legend of William McGonagall!Also, thanks again to our shitty equipment, at 0:14:17 the audio skips an entire section of William's story. Here's what it's supposed to say: "But McGonagall did not understand that this was a rejection letter, instead focusing on the words 'Thank you', figuring it meant that...
2021-10-1251 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 22: E. E. CummingsSend us a textcome listen to thisepisode (this episodeis for you)it's about the man who made beatniks sound good forfor all of 20 minutes(20 minutes is what it waS)ee cummings!
2021-09-251h 05Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 21: Henry DargerSend us a textTW: Child Abuse, Dead Kids;There's not going to be a sweeter way of going around this rather than saying... Look, this motherfucker is sad. Come join us as we laugh off the awkwardness of something that was probably all too common: the slavery of kids not that long ago. From the forgotten tales of thousands of children, we're lucky enough to be able to see the results from one man, the author of the longest tale ever written, Henry Darger!
2021-09-1957 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 20: James Joyce Pt. 2Send us a textWell if there's one thing we can say about James Joyce, is that he could "smell" success coming a mile away... It's that he was having a "gas"... He was-- He... Look, the man loved farts. For the minuscule amount of his life that I'm sure he ever mentioned it, James Joyce's kink has filled up like, half the trivia section on his Wikipedia page. Anyway we're also discussing "Ulysses" so you'll want to be here for that...Also, at 0:12:19, the audio skips from the beginning of a sentence to the end o...
2021-09-111h 37Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 19: James Joyce Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Child Abuse;The sky opens.The sun gleans through a break in the clouds.A trumpet sounds.It's actually a huge fart. Anyway here's the first part of James Joyce.
2021-09-041h 18Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 18: VirgilSend us a textCome hither! And listen to the tale of the man behind the story of A-noos, the hero of the "Aeneid", and the writer of the legend itself, Virgil!
2021-08-281h 21Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 17: Homer Pt. 2Send us a textHomer himself won't be too much of a subject here, as he didn't exist, and we still wouldn't know enough about him if we did. However, you can still listen as we discuss one of the earliest and most batshit stories attributed to him. Uncap your 40's in honor of every parking lot you ever peed in, it's "The Odyssey"!
2021-08-2258 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 16: Homer Pt. 1Send us a textToday we discuss the tale of the great blind poet, Homer! Or rather the myth. The rumor? The strangely sexual gossip of the blind poet, Homer! Yeah that's better.
2021-08-1459 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 15: The Marquis de SadeSend us a textTW: Child Abuse, Pedophilia, Rape, Torture;For the man who's thought of every perversion possible, where else can you go but torture? Come here us say "Holy shit" with special guest Sean, a guy we know. Congratulations, you've made it this far, and for the season finale we've saved the absolute worst for last, the Marquis de Sade!
2021-07-121h 28Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 14: Edward Abbey Pt. 2Send us a textYou think you're tough? How many houses have you set on fire for the cause?Coward.Anyway, here is the conclusion to the tale of a man who shouldn't be nearly revered as he is for his environmentalism: Edward Abbey!
2021-06-271h 06Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 13: Edward Abbey Pt. 1Send us a textScoop your coal and eat your dirt, it's time for the most conservationist-minded man to get deep, DEEEEP inside your pants and whoever else he feels like philanderin' along the way, naturalist writer Edward Abbey!
2021-06-271h 34Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 12: Anne Frank Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Alabama, the Holocaust in general;Alright, gonna level with you: it's another Anne Frank episode so the amount of canned laughter we're using on this one is gonna be at a minimum.
2021-06-201h 072021-06-131h 17Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 10: Dante AlighieriSend us a textTW: Suicide, Torture;Join us for the tale of a (stalkish) man who wrote such a stunning and critical hit of a "fuck you" that there have been entire careers based of his one-hit diss track, "The Inferno".
2021-06-051h 53Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 9: Walter M. Miller, Jr. Pt. 2Send us a textTW: Suicide;Join us for the conclusion to our tale on the man who brought us the true post-Apocalyptic genre.
2021-05-291h 42Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 8: Walter M. Miller, Jr. Pt. 1Send us a textAlright, look. This shit's pretty dark at first. Although we don't know much of the life of one Walter M. Miller, Jr., we do know of the day he developed his lifetime subscription to PTSD, as well as the fantastic Hugo Award-winning tales he created.Also this episode cut out the first minute-or-so for whatever reason where we discuss the talking points of finding your perfect soul mate from Chuck Klosterman's "Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs".
2021-05-231h 10Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 7: H.P. Lovecraft Pt. 2Send us a textLet's call a spade a spade here. Lovecraft had some great ideas, but the man was afraid of circles. If this were a kindly old woman with no dark past and she happened to be terrified of fart sounds, sure, that's kinda tragic. But there is no reason why we shouldn't all be obligated in making fun of Lovecraft any chance we get. I mean... look at him. Anyway, join us for the conclusion of the weakest man alive, H.P. Lovecraft!
2021-05-161h 26Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 6: H.P. Lovecraft Pt. 1Send us a textJoin us for the man with brilliant ideas, poor prose, and an unfortunately-named cat, the man who rose to Godhood among Deviant Art artists and was probably just as racist, H.P. Lovecraft!
2021-05-091h 38Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 5: Harper LeeSend us a textTW: Alabama, Rape;Come one and all, to hear the inspiring tale of Nelle Harper Lee, the woman who wrote the American classic "To Kill a Mockingbird"; and then continue to be saddened by the depressing tale of Nelle Harper Lee, the woman who got conned into publishing “Go Set a Watchman"!
2021-04-302h 31Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 4: Ayn Rand Pt. 2Send us a textWe hope you like trains, because we’re discussing one of the longest books ever written, "Atlas Shrugged", as well as the conclusion to the life of the Uwe Boll of books, Ayn Rand!
2021-04-241h 18Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 2.5: Jordan Can’t HangSend us a textNew rule: No spicy food on the day of recording.
2021-04-1905 minCaleb Can't ReadEpisode 3: Ayn Rand Pt. 1Send us a textTW: Rape;Join us for the unfortunate tale of the woman who failed upwards so hard she became an idol to the people who would never read her work, Ayn Rand!
2021-04-191h 41Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 2: Osamu DazaiSend us a textTW: Pedophilia, Suicide;Listen to the mesmerizing voices of two shrill men discuss perhaps the most depressed author of his day, Osamu Dazai!
2021-04-171h 39Caleb Can't ReadEpisode 1: CasanovaSend us a textTW: Incest, Pedophilia, Rape;Come one and all, but not too much, for the tale of "Jacques" Casanova, the 18th century’s most well known (but horrific) Romantic!
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