Shows
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #104: Filling BucketsSchool is back in session for our family, and that means it's podcast season again. I hope you've had a restful, restorative summer (or winter, as the case may be). We had a lot of family time and some great adventures, and I had the space to do some more personal writing, which has been wonderful. I'm sharing it on my Substack, The Blackbird Chronicles. And actually, I've set a little goal for myself to create five new paid subscribers by my birthday this weekend. If you'd like to be one of them, here's the link:2023-09-1313 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #103: Helping Our Kids Do Hard Things (and school refusal)My daughter is at Girl Scout Camp this week, and it's been a challenge for both of us. She's on day two, and it feels very timely to talk about helping our kids do things that are hard for them, and knowing when to give them a little nudge and when to pull back.I'm sharing a reflection of our journey this week, including the clues that I picked up on along the way that led me to encourage her to keep trying. I'm also talking about signs that you might see that could help you...2023-07-1913 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #98: Introversion, Extroversion and High SensitivityI'm sure most of you know what it means to be an introvert or an extrovert, right? Introverts are often more quiet and reserved and they recharge by turning inward, while extroverts are more social and recharge their batteries through social interactions.Super brief summary, but it's a stepping stone to what I really want you to know, and that's that being an introvert and being highly sensitive are two separate traits. Highly sensitive is not just another word for being introverted. It is possible to be extroverted and highly sensitive, but it's...2023-05-2410 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #97: What can you learn from their actions?I want to share a couple of questions with you today that are going to help you reframe your thinking when your child is being aggressive, rude, disrespectful, destructive, or willfully defiant.Because the minute you peg their behavior as negative, you start looking for ways to shut it down and two things can happen: they either escalate and the situation gets worse before it gets better, or they shut down and close off a part of themselves. Either way, it is actively disconnecting you from your child.But sometimes these moments...2023-05-1708 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #96: What's stopping you from saying no?You may have noticed that I didn't share a podcast last week.I was all set to create an episode about identifying your forced yeses - the situations where you are saying yes, adding things to your to-do list, holding yourself to your word because you feel like you're supposed to, when it actually isn't an ESSENTIAL TASK, you've just built it up to be, and practicing saying no instead, and my body sent me a loud and clear message to listen to my own advice.I literally had my computer open and...2023-05-1013 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #95: Removing the JellyfishI recently saw a NeuroWild comic about screen time as a regulation tool. It shows a cat skimming across a body of water in a rowboat, and a mouse treading water and being surrounded by jellyfish. I'll put a link in the show notes, but the gist of it was this: everyone experiences the world differently. For some people, the outside world is overwhelming and exhausting, and screens offer an opportunity to stop treading water and disengage from the jellyfish.They also offer some examples of how to rewrite or rescript common thoughts parents have about...2023-04-2608 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #94: Lessons from YogaThis episode focuses on some of the long-term lessons I've taken from my yoga practice and been able to apply to my life as a parent and just life in general.I'm going to focus on four key take-aways, and just know that these are the ones that came to me quickly and easily. Yoga has had a huge impact on my life, it definitely extends beyond these four points. But these really are life lessons, not just yoga lessons, and you don't need to have a yoga practice to benefit from hearing them....2023-04-1909 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #93: Overexcitabilities and Gifted ChildrenIf you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you might have heard me talk a little bit about gifted kids and the relationship between being gifted and being highly sensitive.I like to acknowledge as I enter into any conversation about giftedness that, yes, the term can be off-putting. But I stick with it because most people understand what it means, and because I believe it's important to recognize giftedness as a form of neurodiversity. Despite the fact that historically many gifted programs have been filled with a mix of high-achieving and gifted kids...2023-04-1222 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #92: With Instead of ForIn this episode we're talking about one of the things that can happen when you start to invite your child into the decision-making process, when you start to build a more collaborative relationship with them.There is so much potential for connection when you make this leap to collaborating with your child. There's also huge potential for things to get way, way easier for your family.It's possible.But even when you can see that possibility, it's not always easy.We are so conditioned by society to...2023-04-0511 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #91: Puppies and HedgehogsI have a simple but powerful metaphor I want to share with you this week. It's particularly relevant if you've ever felt like your child was manipulating you, picking on you, or even bullying you. In other words, if your child knows how to push your most painful buttons and it seems like they use that to try to get their own way.How we view triggering behavior in children, especially when it seems like they are being deliberately hurtful, makes a huge difference in how we react to that behavior. This episode will help you...2023-03-2908 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #90: What does a maxed-out nervous system look like for your child?We had quite a weekend of cookie booths and birthday parties, and I want to share a little bit about our experience in this episode and lead into the question in the episode title, and that's what does a maxed-out nervous system look like for your child?What are your child's tell-tale signs? How do you know if they are feeling something big under the surface? How do you know if their nervous system is maxed-out? I've found it to be so helpful to know what it looks like from the outside when she is experiencing...2023-03-2208 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #89: Treat it like it's brokenIt is so easy, as parents, to rush our kids. And when they're resistant? Most often, our first impulse is to stand firm. Push them along.They're fighting you on leaving the house? You've got to insist. You've got to make them.Right?This episode offers an alternate take on how we can handle our children's resistance when it seems like they're making a big deal out of nothing. It's powerful because when you adopt this approach, it validates your child's reality. Even if it seems like it's not a...2023-03-1508 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #88: The Silly Putty StoryThis is a story about an emotional weekend, some silly putty, and what personal growth as a parent can look like.This is a story about staying present, grounded, and calm, even when they are overwhelmed by emotion.This is the result I hope to create in my life, over and over again, and it is the result I help my clients create, too.I am a better parent because of this work, 100%.And if you feel overwhelmed by their emotions or like you're always walking on...2023-03-0815 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #87: Riding the WavesThis week we're going to talk about riding the waves instead of fighting them.Life is wavy. It's part of the human experience. We all have highs and lows, good days and bad days, positive and negative emotions.This is normal and we don't need to change it.But I want to share something that I observe over and over again - in myself, my clients, the people around me - and that's that when we feel challenged, when life feels hard, or we feel anxious a lot of the...2023-03-0111 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #86: Sometimes You're Not OverreactingThis week on the podcast, I want to recognize there are certain situations in which it is absolutely normal to have an elevated reaction to what you're child is doing. If they are running towards a busy street, for example, or riding their bike and seem oblivious to the stop sign that's right in front of them. Their bodily safety is at risk, and as a parent, that's scary. It is totally normal to "overreact" in those situations. The key is in how you recover and how you repair with your child, and that's what we're looking at today.2023-02-2211 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #85: Obstacles to Seeking HelpAsking for help is a skill that, for many of us, has to be developed. Especially if you are someone who did well in school, was able to fly under the radar and complete the assignments adequately without needing to ask questions or get help from the teacher. For many of us, there is an internalized belief that we should be able to figure it out on our own, especially when it's something as seemingly natural as being a parent. At the same time, there's a pervasive cultural belief that parenting is hard. So that leaves us stuck, struggling...2023-02-1516 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #84: Parenting RulesThere's something so alluring about having rules to guide you. If you know the rules, all you have to do is follow them. So when things feel chaotic, it might seem like you just haven't found the right rules yet.This might be true.BUTThe rules are much simpler than we've been led to believe, and they probably aren't what you think they are.They aren't actually about screen time or rewards or finding the right system.They aren't locked up behind a...2023-02-0818 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #83: How Your Marriage and Kids Can Thrive When Sensitive, with Hannah BrooksThis week I'm sharing an interview I did with Hannah Brooks for her podcast, Highly Sensitive, Happily Married. Hannah interviewed me two years ago, and we were both excited to circle back to it and share it with you here!In this episode, we talk about how we sensitive parents can raise healthy happy kids AND have great marriages at the same time. Although it can often feel like a great marriage and happy children are mutually exclusive, they actually can go hand in hand. Tune in to learn how to make that the case for yo...2023-02-0151 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #82: Working With Your SensitivityIt is not uncommon for parents that I work with to realize that their child might be highly sensitive, look into it a little bit more, and then realize that they might be highly sensitive, too.This might mean that you are easily overwhelmed by the amount of activity and noise in your house, especially when you are trying to do something like cook dinner.It might mean that when your child has a hard day or is experiencing big emotions, you feel it deeply, too.It might mean that...2023-01-2517 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #81: The Value of a Safe SpaceI want to talk to you today about the value of a safe space. Now, it may seem obvious - of course children need a safe space that they can go to! But I've had a few conversations lately and some experiences of my own that have reminded me of the importance o fcreating safe spaces for your child to turn to. I'm going to start by sharing my own story, then talk a little about what constitutes a safe space and why they are important, and then we'll look at a few examples where safe spaces might get...2023-01-1809 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #80: Problem Solving ConversationsI mentioned last week that I wanted to share a story with you about bedtime and problem-solving.One of the biggest things I work on with my clients is including their children in the problem-solving process. We talk about having conversations outside of the moment, when everyone has calmed down. One of the challenges that often arises, though, is time. If you are a working parent, it can feel like there's no time to have these conversations. And then you just feel stuck. The pattern persists, and you're scrambling for ways to solve it in the...2023-01-1109 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #79: The Evaluation ProcessReflection is something that's strongly encouraged this time of year. We are encouraged to look back on all that we did or didn't do and decide what we'd like to do next.It can stir up a lot of emotions: pride, joy, regret, determination...And it's usually from those emotions that we set our intentions for the next year.I want to offer you a slightly different approach, one that you can carry with you throughout the year. I want to encourage you to go from reflection to evaluation.2023-01-0417 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #78: The Circumstance TrapSince last week did not go as I had planned, it got me thinking about how much power we give to our circumstances. For example, we tend to attribute our emotions to our circumstances. Whether you are feeling down because you're sick, or feeling on edge because your child has been having more meltdowns lately, there is a very common tendency to link how you're feeling to what's happening in the world around you.When you do this, you place yourself at the mercy of your circumstances, and it's very difficult to see how you can...2022-12-2108 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #77: What if it's just luck?I want to spend our time together today talking about a pattern that emerges when we start doing the deeper work of creating change within ourselves and our families.It's a pattern that shows up when we are making changes within ourselves in all areas of our life, when we start to change our thinking and how we feel in certain contexts. And generally speaking, this pattern shows up as a form of confusion or denial.We see that things outside of ourselves are beginning to change, and we question the changes we...2022-12-0708 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #76: Five Things You Should Know About MeOne of my coaches recently challenged her audience to come up with a list of three things that their audiences probably don't know about them that seem really obvious to them and are relevant to their coaching practice. I loved this idea, and I came up with a list of five things because I don't always follow the rules and I didn't want to narrow it down.I'm weaving these tidbits into my social media, but I thought I'd create a podcast episode about them so the information is all in one place, and you get...2022-11-3012 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #75: What's the Intention Behind Your Words?This week I want to talk to you about how your intentions can shape the way your actions land, and I want to talk about this specifically in relation to "First/then" communication.This is something I coach my clients on from time to time, and it's something I do myself. Instead of saying, "You need to do your homework in order to have screen time," for example, I might say, "You really want to spend some time on your iPad. Let's take a look at your homework first, so we can make sure you don't...2022-11-2308 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #74: Balanced SchedulingWe are approaching our fall break here in the United States, and it felt appropriate to talk a little bit about balanced scheduling.It is so tempting, especially if school has been taxing for your child and you've been dealing with after-school meltdowns on a frequent basis to envision the holidays as a lovely, relaxed time without schedules. A time to reset.Or maybe you fall into the opposite camp. Your holidays are busy and you are looking forward to time spent with extended family, enjoying good food and kicking off the winter...2022-11-1613 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #73: Uncommon AdviceThere's so much advice for parents out there. There's the old-school, obedience-focused advice, which often doesn't work so well for sensitive kids, and then there's the new-wave which encompasses everything that deviates from the old norm. Some of it is great, some of it is less-so, but it all represents a shift away from using physical means to control kids.But there's still a strong current of control. There's still a strong current of "don't let them get away with that." There's still a strong sense that good kids listen to adults and follow the rules...2022-11-0916 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #72: CongruenceThis week we're talking about congruence.The official definition of congruence is "agreement or harmony, compatibility," and I want to talk to you today about congruence between your thoughts and your words. Basically, making sure that what you're saying to your kids isn't in conflict with what you're thinking.Listen on for examples.***Are you on my email list? Claim any one of my free resources here and join the party!http://partneredpath.com/resources/--- Support this podcast...2022-11-0205 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #71: Rethinking Bedtime ChallengeOne of the most challenging times of day for many parents I work with is bedtime.It's the end of the day, our kids have been through a lot and are not at their most receptive - they might be feeling silly or even irritable - and we're tired, too.By the time bedtime routines roll around, most of us are just ready to be done.Then you layer on the worries that have space to surface when the lights go out, and you find yourself in your child's room...2022-10-2608 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #70: What's Next Vs. What's Now ChallengeI've been thinking for the past few weeks about posing a series of challenges through my podcast. I'm honestly not sure how many I will do, but I've got a couple in mind that I think will help you create positive changes within your family right now.This week we're going to focus on changing what's next to what's now.It's kind of funny when you say it that way, "what's now" isn't really a phrase we use in day-to-day conversations. I'll explain exactly what I mean by it in a minute, but...2022-10-1909 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #69: BRAAAIIIINS!!We've been talking about brains a lot over here, and I wanted to share a few of the conversations I've had with my daughter recently because it's not really something that's modeled for us very often, and it's so very useful to our kids, especially if they are prone to overthinking, or black and white thinking, or even anxiety. Honestly, I knew it was something that could be helpful, but I've been amazed at how much it has helped my daughter.I want to share two separate conversations we have had about brains lately, one focused...2022-10-1211 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #68: DisappointmentThis episode is about disappointment.Really, the message I want to share with you is pretty concise:You are allowed to feel disappointed.So often, we try to talk ourselves out of feeling disappointment.We might tell ourselves it's not that big of a deal.We might focus on the rational side, the pros of the situation if you will, and try to prove to ourselves that it will be better this way.We might even try to talk ourselves out...2022-10-0505 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #67: The Power of NoThe idea for this episode initially came from a phenomenon I have witnessed in a lot of new parents who are wanting to parent more gently, and that is an aversion to telling their child no.So I thought about calling this episode the fear of no.BUT the more I thought about it, the more I had to consider all of the families I've worked with whose children push back against hearing NO.So, I want to offer perspective on both sides so you can decide where you and...2022-09-2809 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #66: Inside Intentional Legacy CreatorsThis week I want to really dive into what you can expect from my group program, Intentional Legacy Creators. Doors open for the fall cohort on Sunday, September 25th, and as that day approaches, I want to be sure that you are clear on the structure of the group, but also on the value of being in a group like this and why I created it.I created ILC because I wanted to build a container that would make holistic parent coaching (life coaching for parents) accessible to more people. I wanted to connect parents who...2022-09-2108 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #65: Working With Your Child's TeacherNow that we're settling into school, I want to take a little time to talk about how we can work with our kids' teachers.There is a long-standing trend of separating school and home in American culture, and it doesn't serve our children, our families, or our teachers.In this episode, I'm discussing what this looks like, and how you can start to shift into a more collaborative relationship between home and school, which allows you to work more effectively with teachers to support your child.***Are...2022-09-1409 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #64: The Trouble With Nerf GunsA couple weeks ago, while we were visiting family, my daughter got to have her first ever Nerf gun battle with her cousin. It was epic! She had so much fun. They even let her take a mini-nerf gun home with her.Well, she was playing around with it when we got back to her grandparents house, and she accidentally shot somebody in the side of the head.This week, I'm sharing this story as an example of what kids need when society would tell us they need consequences, and how you can...2022-09-0708 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #63: Micro-RevolutionsSummer is drawing to a close in the US, and that means many of you are transitioning back to school. Your child's schedule is changing and so is yours.This week we're taking a look at one of the common tendencies as we aproach big transitions: waiting. When you know change is coming, you're more likely to tell yourself you just need to hold out a bit longer to start that new project, or wait a few more weeks and you'll have more free time.My goal with this episode is to help...2022-08-2408 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #62: Challenging vs TrickyThis week we're taking a look at the subtleties of the language we use to describe our experience of parenting.Parenting is challenging. It's challenging for everyone. But what does it mean if parenting feels tricky?***Are you on my email list? Claim any one of my free resources here and join the party!http://partneredpath.com/resources/--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack...2022-08-1710 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #61: Questioning AssumptionsWe've been having a lot of fun around here over the past few weeks, including unexpected visits from out-of-state friends!One of the things that bubbled up in conversation over the weekend was this idea that we are somehow failing our children. It's fascinating; our brains throw out these critical assumptions, and we just believe them. We believe we must have made a mistake as parents and created a habit in our children that shouldn't be there, or we believe that our children are harboring some sort of negative intentions, and we believe without questioning.2022-08-1009 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #60: Belief DenialOne of the things that comes up when we shine the spotlight on you and your thinking from the very start is something I call Belief Denial.This is something that has come up for me in my own work with my coach, and I've seen it come up for my clients, too.See, this work we do is a bit like an excavation. We are looking for what's happening internally for you in those moments when you are having a big reaction to something your child is doing or saying. We look...2022-08-0310 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #59: How Much Information Do They Need?This week we're talking about how having the right amount of information can help a child who is spinning out in fear or anxiety about something that doesn't SEEM like it should be a big deal. If you find yourself thinking, "You're worried about that? That's really not a big deal. Would you please calm down," this is the episode for you.In this episode, I mention the beta offer I have going until July 29th: one hour of laser-focused coaching to help you unravel your reactions to your child for $100.Link to...2022-07-2715 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #58: Creepy CalmToday we're talking about something that happens if you're trying to control your reactions as opposed to changing them. I call it creepy calm. This is very closely related to what I talked about in Episode 17: Cultivating Patience. It's a by-product of what I call white-knuckling patience (or calm). Essentially, it's when you have an emotional reaction to whatever your child is doing or saying, but you are so committed to staying calm that your energy gets poured into maintaining the appearance of calm while frustration, anger, even fury, are brewing beneath the surface.It's like...2022-07-2007 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #57: Supporting New Skills.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-07-1309 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #56: What's stopping you from taking care of yourself?Once or twice a month (at least!) I have a day when I just need to slow down. I either have a headache, brain fog, fatigue, or all three. For me, it's most likely a result of whatever's going on with my thyroid that day, but really the why of it isn't that important. What we're talking about this week is the specific circumstance of illness or fatigue and the beliefs I see parents carrying that interfere with or prevent them from taking care of themselves.If you can't find a way to slow down and...2022-07-0609 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. # 55: Co-Regulation.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-06-2910 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #54: Doing LessWe've all heard the expression, "Work smarter, not harder." Really, it's about taking considered action, rather than taking action for action's sake.And if there's one thing most parents are good at, it's jumping into action!In this episode, we're taking a look at five different ways you can conserve your energy and do LESS, and still give your child the support they need.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack...2022-06-2213 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #53: The Next Layer: Looking Beyond BehaviorDeciding to leave the ways of the past in the past (spanking, timeouts, or any other reward/punishment system) and forge a new path forward is the first step towards a new way of parenting, but it's definitely not the last.Forging your own path forward is not easy, simple, or straight-forward. It is multi-faceted and layered. Not hard, necessarily, but definitely on-going.Today we're talking about one of the layers that you find once you make the decision to opt out of punishments, and that is the need to look beyond behavior...2022-06-1506 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #52: The PATH ProcessToday we're breaking down the PATH Process. The PATH Process is my signature approach to navigating challenges with your children. It informs my own parenting daily, and it guides all of my coaching, even when I'm not teaching it explicitly. It consists of four steps: Pause, Acknowledge, Tell, and Help. Although it sounds simple, each step comes with its own challenges and mental barriers, and understanding what those are can help you implement it more effectively.***Are you on my email list? Claim any one of my free resources here and join the...2022-06-0812 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #51: The Sponge EffectWhen you pour water onto a sponge, eventually it hits a point of saturation.It doesn't matter how slowly you pour, every sponge has a point at which it can't take on any more water.And if you squeeze a saturated sponge, what happens?Water shoots out.Your child is like that sponge.Every conflict, every power struggle, every transition, every unexpressed emotion, and every additional layer of hunger or exhaustion is like an extra splash of water.Eventually, your child...2022-06-0107 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #50: FriendshipsFriendships can be hard for highly sensitive kids, and if your child happens to be highly sensitive and gifted, it adds another layer of challenge. It's hard for us, as parents, to watch our children struggle to make and keep friends. So, in this episode, we're exploring the challenges that highly sensitive children face when it comes to friendships, as well as how you can help them work through their friendship challenges.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at...2022-05-2508 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #49: Understanding Gifted Kids.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-05-1814 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #48: What HSCs Need.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-05-0412 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #47: The ShowThis week we're talking about The Show. It's the show that comes on when your child pushes your buttons. The Mom Show. The Dad Show. The Grandma/Grandpa/Uncle Show...We're talking about it because so often the action of parents taking responsibility for their emotions and learning to temper their reactions is framed by the negative impact it might have on the child. Big reactions are a source of trauma, and through big reactions, it's possible to teach your child to hide their mistakes and hide their emotions. It can also breed perfectionism and a...2022-04-2710 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #46: Getting Out of Fix-It ModeThis week we're talking about a drive that I see in many of my clients and in the world around me, and that is the drive to fix things for their kids. I remember reading an article seven or eight years ago about how this generation of parents was morphing from helicopter parents - parents who hover - to snowplow parents - parents who clear all obstacles for their child, making life too easy.I want to talk about this because it isn't just about fighting their battles for them. More often than not, the drive...2022-04-2009 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #45: The Power of ChoiceIn this week's episode we're talking about the power of offering your children choices. Regardless of what parenting books you've read (or haven't), you have probably heard that it's a good idea to offer your child choices.And I agree. Having a say in what they do is empowering and can help reduce the number of power struggles you are experiencing with your child.However, sometimes I talk to parents who have been offering their child choices and it doesn't seem to be helping. If this is you, this is your episode! Either...2022-04-1312 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #44: Frustration ToleranceSay your child is trying to do a Lego set that is a little advanced for them and they give up as soon as they hit the first confusing bit.Or they want to draw a picture of a unicorn and it doesn't come out exactly the way they want it to.And it seems like they are just too much of a perfectionist or they lack perseverance. But really they haven't built up the skill of tolerating and working through frustration.It's uncomfortable, and they respond b...2022-04-0610 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. # 43: Special RightsToday we're talking about how we view our children and the language we use to describe them. The language we use matters. It has the power to shift our thinking, even if it's subtle. And sometimes a subtle shift in thinking is all it takes to set us on an entirely different course.Now, I want to get a little more specific because my intention with this episode isn't to explore our language use in general. Today we're going to look at what happens when you shift from viewing children through the lens of special needs...2022-03-3010 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp. #42: Raising Responsible Humans.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-03-2308 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #41: Maintaining the ChangeI want you to think about the process of creating a new habit. If you've ever set a New Year's resolution and lost track of it after a month, you're familiar with this. Change isn't that hard to initiate, it's maintaining the change that's tricky.It's tricky because we have a lot of practice with our old habits, our old ways of thinking, our old ways of reacting. When we allow ourselves to settle into autopilot mode, those are the grooves we fall into. They are what we know, and what we know feels comfortable and...2022-03-1607 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #40: Letting Things SlideSo often when our child is struggling, they struggle in more than one area of their life. This episode explores the value of focusing in on the most challenging area, and letting the rest slide.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit partneredpathparenting.substack.com2022-03-0808 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #39: Talking about hard thingsToday is March 1, 2022, and it seems more relevant than ever to discuss what to do when big scary things are happening in the world. Do we protect our children and preserve their innocence as long as possible? And while that might be possible if you are a parent to a young child, if your child is elementary school-aged or older, this becomes an impossible task as they pick up so much at school.Now, if you've been listening for a while, you may have picked up on the fact that I believe our children are capable...2022-03-0110 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #38: The Root of the ProblemOur actions don't just come out of nowhere.There is always a thought (conscious or unconscious) and a feeling driving our actions. And when we look at it this way, it gives us a different perspective, a different sense of responsibility in regard to our own actions.Well, this connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions holds true for our kids, too. Their actions or behaviors don't just come out of nowhere. And the better we get at figuring out what's beneath/behind their actions (behaviors), the better we are able to work as...2022-02-2213 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #37: Acknowledging and Allowing EmotionsI talk all the time about acknowledging and allowing our kids emotions, but I want to take some time here to really dig into what that means. I see a lot of people saying things like, "I know you're angry, but you still have to take a bath!" and calling it acknowledgment, and I want to be clear that that's not what I'm talking about. Slapping a label on your child's emotions and moving on is not what I mean by acknowledging them.What led up to the emotion? Why is your child having the experience...2022-02-1508 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #36: Screen TimeScreens are a big source of conflict for so many families. There's so much messaging about how bad they are, so much social pressure to limit screen time. And, it is one of the easiest "privileges" to revoke when something goes awry and you're floundering for "appropriate consequences." But in the end, setting limits on screen time and taking it away as a punishment only creates more conflict, more big emotions, and an even stronger fixation on screen time. We've got to change this cycle.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod...2022-02-0812 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #35: Misconceptions about processing emotionsI've talked about emotions and processing emotions on the podcast before, but we're exploring another facet of it this week. We are looking at what happens - what assumptions get taken on board - when nobody has ever taught you how to process your emotions. We're going to look at the misconceptions that come up with my clients (and other people I talk to) that actually prevent them from processing their emotions effectively.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles...2022-02-0112 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #34: When things feel out of controlIf you've been following along for a while, you know I like to take the time here to unpack common patterns I see in my clients and common beliefs we have carried forth unquestioningly from previous generations. Let's call those myths.When you're believing a myth and accepting it as truth, it definitely impacts how you show up and contributes to your own behavior patterns. And it will continue to do so until you address the belief - the thoughts - that are driving your actions.When you start to understand the myth...2022-01-2511 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #33: The Sibling DynamicThere is a dynamic I see arise for many parents when they are trying to step away from more punitive ways of parenting. I call it the Sibling Dynamic.When you're trying to change the dynamic you experienced with adults as a child, it's easy to fall into another dynamic you may have experienced within your family: the dynamic you had with your siblings. It's a playfully antagonistic dynamic, and often one with very blurry boundaries.It might show up as teasing, roughhousing, or pushing boundaries. It might feel playful in the moment...2022-01-1808 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #32: Impossible Dreams and Intentional Legacy CreationOften when I talk to parents, they are overwhelmed and stressed. They are reaching out to me because all of the recommendations and everything they've tried with their child hasn't worked, and they don't know what to do next. They might be avoiding family outings or vacations because they're worried about how their child will behave. Or maybe they've just received a diagnosis for their child and they are grappling with what that means for their family. They're reaching out because parenting feels hard and non-stop, and their relationships with their child, their partner, and themselves are struggling. They...2022-01-1114 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #31: Allowing It AllWhat would happen if you focused on allowing every experience, every emotion?So often we start the new year with an intention for what we want to create or bring into our life. What we want to DO.What shifts when you focus on what you're willing to allow for yourself instead?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would...2022-01-0407 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #30: Your Toolbox - Part 2It's December, and we're right in the middle of the holiday season here in the U.S.Whether you are busy this time of year or not, there's usually enough that's different to create some bumps for you or your kids.So, for the first few weeks in December, I'm going to focus on some tools you can add to your family toolbox - most of which are already available to you in this moment - to help you create more calm and connection this December.This week, we're looking...2021-12-1416 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #29: Your Toolbox - Part 1It's December, and we're right in the middle of the holiday season here in the U.S.Whether you are busy this time of year or not, there's usually enough that's different to create some bumps for you or your kids.So, for the first few weeks in December, I'm going to focus on some tools you can add to your family toolbox - most of which are already available to you in this moment - to help you create more calm and connection this December.This week, we're looking...2021-12-0715 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #28: Shouldn't we be more realistic?I recently received a question on Instagram about self-care. And honestly, I don't talk about self-care in the mainstream sense all that much because it often gets confused with buffering or avoiding. I'd rather see my clients spend ten minutes sitting quietly and getting curious about what happens in their body when they actually allow their emotions than treating themselves to a manicure or a nice glass of wine and calling it self-care.Anyway, in my post, I was talking about prioritizing things that restore your energy, like yoga, meditation, even reading, especially when it feels...2021-11-3009 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #27: It's Just a PhaseWe are into the last full week of November, and I've got one more thought to share that I see getting in the way for so many parents.Most parents who carry this thought (or any of its variants) have adopted it with the intention of being more accepting of their child. And that's a good thing. We want to be accepting of our children and how they interact with the world.But when we really unpack this thought, it's usually resignation, not acceptance that we find.How can we...2021-11-2308 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #26: There's Too Much Going OnA lot of parents of highly sensitive kids are also highly sensitive themselves. For some reason, we tend to be drawn to each other, so it's not uncommon for whole families to be highly sensitive, even though it's a trait that's only found in 15-20% of the population.What this can mean for our families is a lot more overstimulation. If you are highly sensitive and your child's energy ramps up when they are overstimulated, or their sensitivity leads them to cry easily over things that seem like they shouldn't be a big deal, you're more...2021-11-1610 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #25: It's Not WorkingWhen we start to shift away from punishments there is so much programming to wade through.We worry that kids need consequences.We worry about being too permissive.We worry about spoiling them.The biggest worry of all, though, is that what we are doing isn't working.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you...2021-11-0914 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #24: I Should Be Able to Figure This Out on My OwnLast week, I talked about the power of our thoughts, and how they shape our day-to-day experiences and interactions. Today I'm kicking off a series of related podcasts.Throughout the month of November, I'm going to be sharing with you specific thoughts that run like lines of bad code and negatively impact my clients' experiences of parenting. These thoughts are pervasive; I'm not borrowing them from a specific client, but rather reporting on the experiences of many. So, pay attention - these thoughts may be present for you, too.The first thought we're...2021-11-0206 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #23: What's Happening Inside Your Reactions?So many parents - when seeking help with their kids, trying to break cycles, or working on creating more time for themselves without feeling guilty about it - are looking for actions. They want to know HOW these other people who are doing the thing they wish they could are actually doing it. Step by step.So much parenting advice caters to this. But that's not what we're doing here. Not today, at least.We're going to take this time and talk about how your thinking is getting in the way of the...2021-10-2610 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #22: Won't, Not Can'tI want to zero in on one specific way that I see highly sensitive children interacting with the world this week.Since being "highly sensitive" is characterized by a collection of temperament traits, and since there are other temperament traits at play in any person's overall temperament, there are many different ways that highly sensitive children can show up in the world.An introverted HSC comes across differently than an extroverted HSC, for example. This is one of my favorite examples because historically being highly sensitive has been lumped together with introversion or...2021-10-1909 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #21: Releasing Mama BearHave you ever taken issue with the way another adult has interacted with your child? Maybe it was their teacher, their soccer coach, their grandmother... Maybe it was an issue of consent, or maybe the adult was disrespectful or leaning hard on shame as a means of control... There are so many situations, especially when parenting against the grain and parenting a highly sensitive child, that can get our hackles up as parents.And that's what I want to talk about today - those moments when our hackles rise, and we find ourselves thinking I need...2021-10-1209 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #20: The Case Against ConsequencesKids need consequences, right? Not necessarily, and definitely not in the way most people imagine that they do. This week we're exploring what you (and your child!) miss out on when you focus on doling out consequences for their actions, and what they actually need from us in those moments when we feel most challenged by their behavior.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would...2021-10-0511 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #19: When you just want it to stopOne of the biggest challenges of the pandemic for so many people has been the feeling of helplessness and suspended animation. At this point, we're all familiar with it. We've all had moments in which our circumstances were so far out of our control that it felt like there was nothing we could do but wait.This has been a huge learning opportunity for so many of us because the easy answer when our circumstances suck is to change our circumstances. Or try to. The pandemic, however, has made it clear that changing our circumstances isn't...2021-09-2109 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #18: The Best TeachersI want to take you through a little thought exercise today. We're going to think about teachers and classroom management and how that all ties in to your parenting. And yes, I know that kids behave differently at school than they do at home. This isn't about comparing you to your child's teachers. This is about looking at the teachers you have known and getting curious about the differences between them and what THAT might mean for you as a parent. What teachers stand out to you? What separates them from the rest? And how can you apply that...2021-09-1411 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp # 17: Cultivating PatienceThis week I'm tackling one of the big myths floating around the parenting world: the myth that good parents are patient parents. We'll look at how this belief fuels frustration for so many parents as they try their best to be patient, but keep losing their cool, and we'll look at what's actually necessary to begin cultivating true patience within your relationship with your child.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This...2021-09-0707 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #16: Our Sleep StorySleep has never been easy for us. It's been one of my biggest challenges as a parent, and it's a challenge for so many of us parenting sensitive children.This week, I'm sharing our sleep journey and the mindset that has helped us get to a place where we're sleeping well more often than not. To be clear, I'm not sharing answers here. Every child is different, and every family has different comfort zones for what they are willing to try. My path will look different from yours, and that's okay. The key is how I...2021-08-3114 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp # 15: Creating a RhythmIn today's episode, we're discussing rhythms, with particular attention to the way our family rhythms are influenced by the seasons, theenvironment, and our own personal rhythms. Creating a predictable rhythm for your family gives your child the structure that they need to feel secure and prepared for what's coming next, without the rigidity of a traditional schedule. A rhythm allows for so much more flexibility, so you can give them space to keep going when they're absorbed in a book or a project, while still helping them makes sense of transitions.We'll...2021-08-2410 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #14: Other People's EmotionsDo you ever find yourself avoiding hard conversations because you don't want to rock the boat? Or asking your kids to share their toys because you feel pressured and you just want to keep the peace?In this episode, we're looking at what happens when you prioritize other people's emotions and work hard to keep the peace, particularly the reasons why we do this in the first place, how it impacts your kids, and steps you can take to start changing this pattern today.This episode is part of a series on frequently...2021-08-1712 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp # 13: Time ManagementOver the past few weeks, I've been sharing some of the topics I coach my clients on that seem like they have nothing to do with parenting (but actually impact the way we parent A TON). This week we're looking at time management.Time management is another one of those things that sounds separate from parenting. But if it's not becoming clear through this series, the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, and if we can get to the root of these things that have often been long-term challenges, we see...2021-08-1013 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #12: BoundariesThis episode is part of a series about topics I frequently coach my clients on that seem like they have nothing to do with parenting. In the last episode, we talked about people-pleasing. If that episode resonated with you, you definitely want to listen to this one, too, because boundaries can be quite challenging if you have any people-pleasing tendencies.It's not uncommon to hear parents talk about boundaries. More often than not, though, they are talking about creating expectations or rules for their child's behavior. They're talking about defining the edges of what counts as...2021-08-0309 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #11: What does people pleasing have to do with parenting?Over the next few weeks, I'm doing a series on some of the challenges my clients face that seem like they have nothing to do with parenting, but actually have a huge impact on the relationship you have with your child and the parenting legacy you're creating. We're starting off this week with people-pleasing: what is it, and how does it affect the way you show up with and for your child?--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at...2021-07-2709 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #10: Top Parenting SkillsLast week we talked about what it means to be parenting in the gap. We talked about signs you can look for to help you recognize when you're living in the gap between the way people parented when you were young, and the way you want to be parenting your child. We even talked a bit about what you can do to start closing that gap, to start stepping into the vision you hold for your family.In this episode, we're focusing on what I consider to be the top skills to cultivate to bring you...2021-07-2017 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #9: Living in the GapIt is possible to love your child deeply and still feel disappointed from time to time. Parenting a highly sensitive child doesn't always look the way you imagined it would, and it's easy to fall back on old patterns. In this episode, we're talking about feeling stuck in the gap between the way you parented and the way you WANT to parent your child, three signs that you're living in this gap, and what you can do to move yourself out of it.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey...2021-07-1314 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #8: Slow Down and ListenAfter three days of 115-degree (F) weather here in the Pacific Northwest, I found myself more tired than usual.This week I'm talking about what you can do to get past the guilt that wells up when you slow down so you can actually get some rest.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or...2021-07-0608 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #7: What Experience Am I Choosing?No matter how much we may want to, we can't control our kids. We can't control their emotions, their development, their preferences, or their choices.This week, I'm sharing my experience moving through the heat bubble that record high temperatures to the Pacific Northwest and the two questions that helped me reframe my mindset and actually enjoy the weekend.Asking yourself these questions is a helpful practice any time you're facing circumstances that you can't control, whether it's a weather event, global pandemic, or a challenge you're facing with your child.2021-06-2909 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #6: ConnectionIt's normal to feel disconnected from your children at times.With that said, it's also very possible to build stronger connections with your children. This episode focuses on how you can create more consistent connection, and what misconceptions may be standing in your way.All in less than ten minutes, so you can listen while you drink your coffee and then get on with your day.--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support Get full access to...2021-06-2207 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #5: Power StrugglesI've got a bit of a different spin on power struggles than we tend to hear.Most advice out there focuses on how to handle power struggles: give them warnings, give them choices, offer incentives or consequences to get them to comply.Did you catch that?Most advice about handling or avoiding power struggles is built on the assumption that the goal is compliance.We want to get them doing what they're "supposed" to do without all the resistance.It's not bad advice. It...2021-06-1509 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #4: The &#!% ShowWe place so much pressure on ourselves as parents to live up to a certain standard.We also want to do right by our kids.and we certainly don't want to be that family - you know the one - their kids are running all over the restaurant, screaming and throwing things, and losing it when it's time to leave the park. Their kids never get along and aren't speaking to each other by the time they're adults.We don't want to be that family, but we secretly worry that...2021-06-0814 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #3: Overstimulation and Big EmotionsSo far we've been talking about what it means to be highly sensitive, and what your child's sensitivity might require from you as a parent.This episode is a big one because we're going to dive into overstimulation and big emotions.Many of my clients come to me because they are dealing with one of these two challenges, and they're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Understanding what to do when your child is experiencing big emotions, and how to bypass overstimulation can provide so much relief, and that's exactly where we're going in this...2021-06-0111 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #2: Does your child notice everything?Dr. Elaine Aron defines four core traits of highly sensitive people: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity, and Sensing the Subtle.Over the next two episodes, we're going to dig into each one of these, look at what it means, and talk about the challenges it can create for you and your HSC.For this episode, we're going to focus on the first and last traits: depth of processing and sensing the subtle. I like to talk about these two together because they both contribute to how easily your child gets overstimulated and...2021-06-0109 min
Parenting Your Sensitive ChildEp #1: What does it mean to be highly sensitive?Welcome to the Partnered Path Podcast! My name is Julia McGarey, and I'm a life coach for parents of highly sensitive children. It took me several years after I first heard the term "highly sensitive" to realize that I am a highly sensitive person, and while it's a term that is becoming more mainstream, there are still a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions when it comes to sensitivity.In this episode, I give you an overview of what it means to be highly sensitive, and what this trait can look like in children....2021-05-1908 min