Shows
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 244: Whose idea was this?"Are the people who would have to change, who would have to do the work to make that change, are they the ones who want it? Are they the ones thinking this is a good idea? Are they the ones asking for help?"Karen & Paul Paul talk about the importance of identifying who wants change in collaborative work. 2025-01-1417 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 232: Where do I start?" If somebody is talking to us, they would like to be heard. They would like to have a sense of connection. They would like something to shift or to matter to us or something. And if they get the sense that that is possible and that we're available in a way that almost nobody is. That is way powerful."Karen & Paul emphasize the value of listening over speaking in effective communication.Links and items mentioned in this episode:How to Talk with Anyone about Anything by Harville Hendrix and...2024-10-2215 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 217: How can I repair trust?"We shouldn't expect that things will always go perfectly, that we will never fail to deliver on our obligations. The need to repair trust isn't a sign that this is a broken, dysfunctional relationship. It's normal, it's just unfortunate."Karen & Paul discuss rebuilding trust when we didn't do something we were supposed to.2024-07-0922 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 216: How do we share bad news?"The way you share bad news has an impact on the relationship; on that space between; in that collaborative space. So we want to explore today ways that you can share that bad news in a way that works; in a way that maybe avoids some of the things that we think might go wrong; that actually helps us to work through the sharing of the bad news together."Paul & Karen share advice for talking about hard things in ways that strengthen the working relationship.This is the second of a two-part series that started...2024-07-0223 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 215: Is it time to share bad news?"How relevant is it to them in terms of their decision-making? What sort of agency are they gonna have when this comes out? Because if it's something that's uncertain, that they can't actually do anything about, and they're just gonna stew on it and cogitate, ruminate, and stress about it, then maybe it makes sense not to share it until we know it's more likely that it's actually gonna happen." Karen & Paul discuss when – and when not – to share with a group things that they don't want to hear.This is the first of a two-p...2024-06-2519 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 214: What went wrong?"Sometimes there are actual consequences that do need to go along when things go wrong, but it's far less often than we actually seem to think when somebody is saying there needs to be more accountability." Paul & Karen discuss what do to when we did have shared expectations about what we needed to do, but we still didn't get the results we wanted.This is the second of a two-part series that started with Episode 213.2024-06-1823 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 213: Do we need more accountability?"The statement 'We need more accountability' usually comes up when we've deviated in some way from our perfect idea of how we're going to work together. Which is to say, we start with this shared understanding of what it is we're all each individually going to do and deliver and who's going to do, you know, what by when and how well sorts of things."Karen & Paul discuss techniques for setting expectations for interdependent work.This is the first of a two-part series that concludes with Episode 214.2024-06-1121 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 212: How do we find alignment?"For this particular decision, how aligned do we all need to be around it in order for the decision to be effective? In order for the idea that we're trying to move forward to really move into reality? Because that threshold of alignment varies with the type of thing that we're trying to do." Paul & Karen talk about helping a group converge on decisions.This is the finale of a three-part series that also contains Episodes 210 and 211.2024-06-0421 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 211: How do we find disagreement?"That's where the actual solutions to your complex problems are: in the things that we disagree about, that we want to run away from because other people's ideas or perspectives are so different from the ones that we have. We can't just look at them and go, "Okay, fine, whatever," and move on. We actually need to come to understand them – because that's where durable solutions to complex problems actually come from." Karen & Paul share advice for supporting a group in seeking out and exploring disagreement.This is the middle of a three-part series that st...2024-05-2819 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 210: What happens between idea and reality?"Whatever that thing is, we're bringing our own flavor to it, and we don't realize that we're painting it. A lot of that flavor painting is unconscious. And so it's not that I think I'm sneaking my way in, or you think you're sneaking your way in. It's that we don't notice how much of our own kind of criteria or condition that we have on it in our own mind." Paul & Karen discuss things that predictably happen when we start working together to make an idea a reality.This is the beginning of a...2024-05-2116 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 209: Who will do this?"We often say, 'Who's willing to do this?' And we wait awkwardly for someone to raise their hand. Willingness matters, but it is not the only concern that we have." Karen & Paul share techniques and advice for filling roles within a group.2024-05-1426 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 208: How deep do we go?"I don't get to decide that for the group. I set prompts that might be deeper or shallower. I set structures that facilitate depth. Some of them foster depth, and some of them don't as much. So I do make choices about how deep we're going to go. But at the end of the day, I actually only am making a decision about how deep I'm inviting people to go."Paul & Karen discuss ways to help people do the internal work required to create change within a group.2024-05-0715 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 207: Is this a safe space?"It's very difficult for me to assess for other people, 'Is this a space where it is safe for them to take risks?' Because they may have very different risk profiles and very different things that make things dangerous. And they may have much more severe consequences that could hit them as a result of things that they bring up. And so I think that I can say that I feel safe in this space, but I don't think I can ever say that for anybody else."Karen & Paul discuss risks, consequences, and safety in group...2024-04-3018 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 206: Am I controlling?"We are assuming that no one wants to be a controlling boss or to use the structural power that they have in a way that would cause someone else to feel controlling or that would diminish somebody else's agency to speak or do their job or say things. It doesn't mean that that person who has authority doesn't want to make decisions and use their decision-making authority, but they pretty reliably don't want it to impact the relationships or have other people feel like they've been put in their place or be put down."Paul & Karen discuss...2024-04-2319 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 205: How much transparency?"There is a whole range of what transparency means. There's a range of ways we might achieve it. And we want to be thoughtful about who needs the information and how much of the information they need."Karen & Paul discuss how the benefits – and costs – of transparency aren't always what we expect them to be.2024-04-1619 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 204: Do I want to grow?"Those moments of conflict in those types of relationships are precisely the moments where we have the opportunity to learn and grow individually and as a part of that relationship. We get to make a choice about whether or not we want to do that."Paul & Karen talk about how conflict creates opportunities for growth.2024-04-0925 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 203: What's the emotional risk?"With a simple decision, the math says we should do this, and somebody else is going, 'But how could you possibly?'" Karen & Paul talk about how the logical and emotional parts of our decision-making can show up when we collaborate.2024-04-0212 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 202: When do we quit?"We sometimes can fall into the trap of thinking that we can work with anyone, and that we can fix every situation. That if we just use the right words, if we approach things in the right way, that we can always make things better. And our experience has been that's not true."Paul & Karen talk about recognizing the limits of our interpersonal skills.2024-03-2618 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 201: One of us is mad, now what?"There's no one answer to this. It depends on the situation. What we really want to dig into is understanding what our options are – being able to see what's going on in these situations so that we can make good choices about it."Karen & Paul talk about how to move forward when a situation upsets only part of a group.2024-03-1917 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 200: What's happened so far?"You and I continue to explore this space because we're continually learning. There is no end goal for figuring all of this stuff out. There is just getting even better at exploring that collaborative space that lives between individuals."Paul & Karen celebrate two hundred podcast episodes by looking at themes in what they've talked about.2024-03-1223 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 199: What's my goal?"If my goal is to change somebody else's behavior, I'm very unlikely to be successful. But if my goal is to make the relationship better and to change what I can change about what's going on with me, and how I'm engaging, and how I'm sharing in various ways; the likelihood that their behavior will change actually goes up."Karen & Paul discuss one of the paradoxes of relational work.2024-03-0512 minEmploying DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 198: Does it help to guess?"We can never really know what's going on with the other person. We're almost always guessing at them. And the question is whether or not the guesses we're making are helpful or not. Does it feel certain? Does it feel like I have absolved myself of any responsibility of needing to do anything different? Does it seem like this guess is always true, has always been true, will never change, and makes it feel like I have no options? If that's the case, then it's probably not as helpful to you in terms of changing what's going on."2024-02-2716 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 197: Should I ask or tell?"The place I want to start is recognizing, 'What's my pattern?' Do I always start with a question? Do I always start by saying, 'What do you think we should do?' Or do I always start with, 'Here's what I think we should do.'? If you're always doing the same thing – and by always, I mean nine times out of ten – then you're probably not choosing the thing that's useful for the situation."Karen & Paul discuss collaborative problem-solving and whether to start with questions or statements.2024-02-2015 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 196: What will repair this?"One of the most important things that you can have as a group is an understanding of how you want to repair things when things go wrong, because things always will. We can talk about how we want to work together. We can talk about what we want things to be like. And we know that those things are aspirational. Something will go wrong at some point along the line." Paul & Karen talk about recovery and repair when things between us go wrong.2024-02-1317 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 195: Can we adopt this?"An actual written document or policy or proposal is a concrete thing that I can say yes or no to. I can say, 'I like this part, I don't like that part.' And it requires a fair amount of editing – of making it crisp and clear – so that we are actually talking about the same thing. Because when you get documents that are super vague and super weird, then we all imagine that there are different things in there than there actually are."Karen & Paul discuss the necessities and challenges of preparing proposals for a group to co...2024-02-0613 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 194: How do we share facilitation?"How do you do something other than just the tag team approach? For me, that's really all about designing the partnership. If we're going to partner on facilitating this meeting, what does that look like? And one way that that partnership can be structured is we're going to take turns. But that's not the only choice that we have." Paul & Karen discuss the benefits and challenges of co-facilitating. 2024-01-3019 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 193: How bad is it?"Asking about how bad it is can help us to notice when we're digging in our heels in a situation where the conflict that we're going to need to go through to get to our 'better solution' isn't going to be worth it."Karen & Paul discuss assessing, weighing, and judging the costs of various decisions.2024-01-2311 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 192: What's going on with them?"At the end of the day, any action that I might take that's premised on the idea that I have full and complete knowledge of what's going on for another person is really dangerous territory."Paul & Karen talk about the trouble we can get into when we imagine – or demand to know about – other people's inner lives.2024-01-1615 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 191: Where do we go from here?"When people ask, 'Well, what's the best way to make a decision?' is where we fall into the realm of 'best practice.' And the thing is that there's very little actual best practice when it comes to humans working together, because of the complexities of things like this. A good practice in a particular situation is not necessarily going to be a good practice in another situation."Karen & Paul discuss how knowing where to go from here requires understanding where "here" really is.2024-01-0913 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 190: How do we share without talking?"There's a lot of different channels for sharing information that we often overlook when we're working in a group. We sometimes think that talking about things is the only way we can get information out there. In our experiences, there are a lot of other, richer ways that we have access to. And then it's up to us as facilitators to notice when might it be useful to do some of those things." Paul & Karen share some of their favorite techniques for helping information flow without needing to use words.2024-01-0220 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 189: What is a fish bowl?"There are a number of ways that you can use fishbowls, but they all have that element in common of creating a shared experience for the larger group around a topic of some import and some relevance." Karen & Paul discuss the varied uses of one of their favorite facilitation tools.The Cooperative Culture Handbook, which contains the Bridging Circle exercise, is available at www.ic.org/handbook2023-12-2619 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 188: Why use small groups?"When I started using dyads and triads and groups of four or five within larger facilitated sessions, it was a game changer for me. I saw the quality of participation, the quality of the ideas, and the decisions the groups were making change pretty dramatically."Paul & Karen talk about the advantages of using small groups inside large meetings.2023-12-1921 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 187: Why aren’t we talking?"There are a lot of really useful things you can do with periods of time as short as 30 seconds or a minute – or as long as half an hour or more – of being together without speaking in that space." Karen & Paul talk about the value of silent time in group meetings.2023-12-1213 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 186: Would a rule help?"If somebody showed up sobbing and saying, 'I'm having a horrible day,' we would probably shower care upon them. I want to encourage that same thing when they're showing up as loud and angry. The same neediness is actually being expressed. It's easier to do it when someone is weepy and sad and not lashing out, but it's the same problem." Paul & Karen talk about how creating a rule is rarely a helpful response to people getting upset.2023-12-0519 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 185: Is this confidential?"If you don't hold things in confidence, you break trust. But if you're not transparent, you also break trust. So how do we navigate this where we want to be in trusting communities, trusting environments, trusting workplaces, and some things need to be confidential and some things need to be transparent?" Karen & Paul discuss how both confidentiality and transparency can improve or hinder the flow of information.2023-11-2816 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 184: What do I want?"There's a famous quote from Yogi Berra, who may or may not have actually said it: 'If you don't know where you're going, you might end up somewhere else.'" Paul & Karen talk about the importance of defining the thing that we want and thinking about what's going to get us there. 2023-11-2116 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 183: What if this can’t be fixed?"So, if my coworker comes in in that state – or someone in community or whatever – if that person is in front of me, and I would desperately love to fix everything for them, but I can't, how do I live with that? Karen & Paul discuss strategies for working through feeling helpless.2023-11-1412 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 182: How do I fix this?"What they're usually looking for is the recipe or the magic words. 'What's the thing that I can say that will change the way that this group operates so that we stop having this problem?' And unfortunately, there are no magic words. There is no magic recipe for addressing these kinds of things. But there are some patterns that we have noticed. So here are some things that we tend to do when we start to work with groups around these sorts of things that can help in these situations."Paul & Karen talk about different ap...2023-11-0718 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 181: Do we have a shared purpose?"When we find ourselves in conflict – when we find ourselves frustrated with each other – those are indications that we should be asking, 'Are we trying to do the same thing?'" Karen & Paul discuss how shared purpose is the core of any team or partnership.2023-10-3112 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 180: How do we deal with this difficult person? (Part 2) "When we're in the moment, and the person does this thing, we lose access to our emotional skills and our ability to work together. How can we calm ourselves down so that we can get back access to that, so that we can show up as the more skillful versions of ourselves? How can we engage with the other person to help them show up as a more skillful version of themselves?" Paul & Karen talk about interrupting our own tendency to get emotionally hijacked and using that to shift unproductive interactions.2023-10-2419 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 179: How do we deal with this difficult person? (Part 1)"The assumption is that if we can just change that person's behavior, if we can upskill that person in some way, if we can get them to stop doing the problematic thing that they're doing; then things will be better. And it's true. If they stop doing that, it would be better. And that is one of the hardest paths to walk. It's a 'low percentage choice,' as one of my improv teachers would say. I think we don't realize that. And we often think it's our only option." Karen & Paul talk about lessening the impact of...2023-10-1720 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 178: Are we planning or not?"There are traps that we can fall into when we are trying to do some discovery, some exploration. We can accidentally get into a case where we commit ourselves to a plan without thinking that that's what we were doing."Paul & Karen discuss cognitive and emotional pitfalls of trying to work iteratively and incrementally.2023-10-1018 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 177: Do I need to say this?"I feel like I have something that might be relevant, but I really wish someone else would say it. I really wish I wasn't the person who needed to bring it." Karen & Paul talk about the challenges of discussing other people in a group setting.2023-10-0318 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 176: Does directness work?"I definitely have spent a lot of my life cleaning up messes that came because somebody asked me a question and I gave them a clear and decisive answer. And in fact, what they wanted was something that felt to them softer, more collaborative, more engaging." Paul & Karen discuss benefits and drawbacks of being direct. See also Episode 171: Is it safe to disagree with me?2023-09-2615 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 175: Can we do this asynchronously?"We need to be enough in alignment that when we get back together, we're not surprised at where we landed. Or at least, we're not badly surprised at where we landed."Karen & Paul talk about collaborating when you can't work together.2023-09-1921 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 174: Information or invitation?"Do we just want to share this as information because it's relevant to other things and go on? Or do we want to invite people into a space of emotional sharing?"Paul & Karen talk about life events, emotional baggage, and engaging (or not) around charged subjects. See also Episode 145: What if it makes them cry?2023-09-1216 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 173: Is this boundary useful?"If I want to set a boundary, the boundary isn't about what you are or are not allowed to do, because I don't get to decide that. The boundary is about what am I going to do if that happens." Karen & Paul explore what makes boundaries useful and the impact they can have on a relationship.2023-09-0519 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 172: Can we live with the messiness?"There are situations that we need to work through as groups where we can't really predict what will happen, where there are high degrees of uncertainty. There are lots of things that are unknown – and probably unknowable. And those situations are often very, very messy." Paul & Karen explore ways to support groups in situations where you can't take things apart.2023-08-2919 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 171: Is it safe to disagree with me?"Being safe to disagree is so essential to teamwork, so essential to any relationship. If two humans are involved and you want to have authentic communication and you want to have creativity or you want to throw ideas around – if you can't disagree with each other, you can't do any of that other stuff." Karen & Paul talk about things you can do to support useful disagreement.2023-08-2215 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 170: Can we have partnership with authority?"Most of us have a lot of experience of authority that didn't do a very good job of supporting partnership. And that's what we expect it to look like. That's how we expect a meeting to run. That's how we expect a manager to behave."Karen & Paul explore the interactions between authority and partnership. Additional resources:For Facilitators – connect-collaborate-grow.mn.coFor Managers – managingamazingpeople.com2023-08-1519 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 169: Can we take this apart?"How do we help a group not be overwhelmed by all of the details, by all of the interactions, by all of the moving parts in a particular situation, in order to be able to make some progress?"Paul & Karen talk about a way groups may be able to tackle complex issues.2023-08-0819 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 168: Fact or feeling?"One of the things we know about human beings and the way that they make decisions is that very often we are led by our immediate emotional response that we then find facts to support."Karen & Paul talk about how we make "logical" arguments that aren't as logic-based as we think they are.2023-08-0116 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 167: Is this really an invitation?"There are things that often sound like invitations that often aren't. Things that show up in that space between where one person is asking something from another person or a group of people. There are different things that might be packed into that, and that can cause confusion, frustration, and an impact on the collaborative space between people."Paul & Karen talk about invitations, requests, and demands.2023-07-2515 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 166: Is this problem mine?"It's very easy for us to fall into assuming that because we are part of a group, and there is a problem that exists in the group, therefore, the problem is mine."Paul & Karen talk about addressing problems that affect you but might not be "yours."2023-07-1815 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 165: Where is the gold?"A lot of that is intuitive. A lot of it is 'feel your way.' But some hints to help with the intuition are talk to multiple people, get multiple perspectives, and listen for the thing they're not saying. Bring up the things that they may be avoiding and ask explicitly. Ask the open-ended kinds of questions so that they do speak freely." Karen & Paul talk about how to approach complex topics in ways that improve the group's chances of success. 2023-07-1115 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 164: Who can fix this?"I think – in consensus situations, in particular – it's wise to get clear about 'What are the likely outcomes of my choices?' And I may not like any of them, but I at least can choose the one I like the best." Paul & Karen talk about getting unstuck when there isn't a clear method to resolve disagreements about how to proceed.2023-07-0416 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 163: Can we drop this?"What's the objective of doing this thing? What is the thing that we hope this item will accomplish? And is it accomplishing that? And is that thing worth the resources that we have?"Karen & Paul discuss making meetings better by choosing what not to spend time on.2023-06-2712 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 162: Can't you just relax?"This is not a question that we actually recommend asking, but it's a question that we sometimes think really strongly and sometimes comes out of our mouths – which probably isn't our best moment."Paul & Karen talk about how the emotional gap between people can become a barrier to collaboration.2023-06-2019 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 161: How many times do I have to say this?"I have often said that the only useful answer to the question 'Do you understand?' is 'No.'" Karen & Paul talk about the difference between saying things and communicating them.2023-06-1317 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 160: Am I a bad boss?"We arrive in adulthood with a great deal of experience with people in authority. We probably knew some that we thought did a great job. And we certainly, I think, knew someone who we thought really misused and even abused their authority."Paul & Karen discuss how our relationship with authority influences our ability to use it effectively and humanely.2023-06-0612 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 159: What do I want to do for you?"What is it that I actually want to do for you in our relationship, in the context of the work we do together? What are the things that I would look forward to, that I would enjoy, that I would feel are important, that would be validating to me? What are the things that really are what I want to contribute to the collaboration, to the relationship?"Karen & Paul talk about the kinds of support that we look forward to giving each other.2023-05-3012 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 158: How much do I trust these people?"When we look at both the costs of not trusting and the risks associated with trusting, are we picking the path that gives us the right amount of efficiency?"Paul & Karen talk about risk, trust, and working together.2023-05-2314 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 157: Who do I talk to?"Do we talk about each other more than we talk to each other? If so, that's probably a sign that we're avoiding the conversations we really need to have." Karen & Paul discuss shifting away from gossiping and toward getting support for difficult conversations.2023-05-1619 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 156: How do we share bad news?"'How does this impact me? How do I feel about this? What bothers me about this bad news? What's the emotional effect that it has on me? How do I relate to it?' If it's throwing me all kinds of off-kilter, and I'm trying to present it to the group in a way that's going to be useful – that they can interact with it, they can make decisions about – that's not necessarily the best state to be in."Karen & Paul talk about sharing unwelcome information in a way that creates trust.2023-05-0918 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 155: What do we know?"But if we have three different understandings or three different models of how this operates – that's the situation we want to avoid. We don't want to get to the problem and realize we don't have a common way of understanding or talking about the problem." Paul & Karen discuss the challenges of creating shared understanding – and the dangers of failing to do so.2023-05-0219 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 154: What can this fear tell us?"Fear is one of those emotions that we often don't like to feel. We often want to try to get away and get it marginalized. So even if we are open to, 'Hey, we are going to make decisions not purely based on logic, so we are going to listen to some emotions,' fear is often not one of the ones that we want to get snuggly with." Karen & Paul talk about how to unwrap wisdom that's tied up in fear.2023-04-2513 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 153: Do I need to be mad, too?"Okay, I'm with someone and they're really upset. What's going on for me? What is my instinct? Where am I going? And is that the direction I want to go?"Paul & Karen talk about how strong emotions can be contagious – and what to do about it.2023-04-1818 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 152: When is this "fine"?"'Fine' is a code word for 'Actually, they're not how I want them to be and I don't feel like talking about it and getting into it right now.'"Karen & Paul talk about bringing up things that aren't working for us.2023-04-1114 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 151: What leads you to that conclusion?"In order for groups to make good decisions, they need to go through that process collectively so that they're actually in sync with each other at each stage."Paul & Karen talk about how to handle disagreements and differing conclusions in group decision-making situations. 2023-04-0412 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 150: Can’t we make it perfect?"What do you value about the perspective that you tend not to bring?"Paul & Karen discuss ways of working with tensions between "evolutionary" and "design up-front" approaches.2023-03-2816 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 149: Will duct tape work?"Instead of working through every hypothetical to try to get the perfect thing up front, find something that seems plausible. And try it with a commitment that we have to honor, that we come back to it and say, "Is this working?", and have that evolving thing happening? And that really in the end probably gives us the best processes of all. At the least cost!"Paul & Karen talk about evolving processes.2023-03-2117 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 148: Is this process worth it?"Yeah, we got it on paper. But we didn't get it in, as you might say, 'people's hearts and minds'. We didn't get it in a way that shows up in people's behavior, or that results in compliance or support of whatever the thing was that we were working toward." Paul & Karen discuss the impacts of ways of working together on being together.2023-03-1415 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 147: Do I have to listen to them?"The first thing we want to say is let's get away from the ‘Do you have to?’ or ‘Are you willing to?’ and really live in the space of ‘Can you?’"Paul & Karen talk about obligation, willingness, and capacity.2023-03-0716 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 146: What can a facilitator say?"As a facilitator, if I'm noticing that the patterns in the way that the group is working is not helping the group move forward towards its goals, it's usually useful to say something about that. In a way that the group can hear, in a way that isn't shutting people down, it isn't demeaning."Paul & Karen discuss the impact a facilitator’s words can have.Miki Kashtan’s The Highest Common Denominator2023-02-2816 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 145: What if it makes them cry?"And so what we want to do is not be afraid of it, not run away from it. And also not drag them into the deep end of it. Or bring ours in with them. But to be curious and check in. Express, somehow, sympathy, of whatever sort makes sense to you. Offer what you can. "Paul & Karen discuss coming back to the workplace after experiencing grief.Here's Karen's grief journey, as we talked about in this episode.2023-02-2125 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 144: What do I say to hurting colleagues?"Don't take away someone's coping strategy without giving them something else that works for them."Karen & Paul talk about working with people who are dealing with difficulty in ways that are causing problems for those around them.2023-02-1422 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 143: What's possible now?"Starting to question assumptions about how things have to be when we settle in the new place and then seeing what other people's capacity for experimenting with those assumptions, I think, is an important place to start."Karen & Paul discuss making the most of change.2023-02-0713 min
Employing DifferencesEmploying Differences, Episode 142: Is this too much influence?"Recognizing that different people and different meanings and different moments, at different times, will have different amounts of influence. And that the thing you want to pay attention to is 'Where is the imbalance?'"Paul & Karen talk about working with the inevitable differences in influence within a group.2023-01-3113 min