Shows
The Mental LoadFeeling judged and the mental loadWhen men judge women for the mental load and how we choose to handle it.In this hot take, Katlynn discusses why sometimes as mothers, we might feel judged by our partners for the way we parent in certain situations/at certain times. But the reality is, that sometimes this is a result of the massive weight of the mental load and our parenting choice at that moment is an effort to lighten that load. 2025-01-1615 minThe Mental LoadKids Chores and the Mental LoadHow do kids' chores impact the mental load for women?In this full-length episode, we discuss various ways that getting kids to pitch in and do chores around the house, when managed differently between partners, can create more mental load for mothers. That's right, we’re talking about kids, chores and cooperative cleaning. AKA: getting your children to work together to clean or tidy up.There’s a lot of reasons chores are good for kids:Learning time management skillsDeveloping organizational skillsAccepting responsibility in the familyProviding an opportunity for success (especially for a child stru...2025-01-101h 06The Mental LoadWhy Re-Delegating Chores to Kids Creates Mental LoadWhen husbands pass chores off to their kids it creates more mental load for women. In today's hot take, Katlynn discusses why passing the buck on chores might seem helpful and like husband's are teaching kids a lesson, but it really just keeps the mental load in place.More and more, men are realizing and becoming aware of the need to lighten the mental load in their households. Especially when it comes to daily chores and tasks. A new trend we've noticed emerging however, is that, when men are asked to do a task or...2024-12-1909 minThe Mental LoadNo Excuses - The Mental Load of Daily ChoresThe mental load of daily responsibilities outweighs occasional maintenance chores.In this week's hot take, Katlynn discusses how, when men and women are raised differently, it creates a large gap in how they view household responsibilities. Men often say things like "I don't have to help with the dishes on a daily basis, because I handle the car maintenance". Which would be the equivalent of women saying "I don't have to help with the dishes on a daily basis because I plan birthday parties." While things like house maintenance and car maintenance are...2024-12-1211 minThe Mental LoadThe Sound of Silence - I Need Help!How to immediately lighten the mental loadIn this week's hot take, Katlynn discusses how to identify when you're overwhelmed by the mental load and how to immediately get relief.Bodily cues can tell us we're at our limit:Tightening in your chest/feeling anxiousShort temperHaving brain fogOther cues from our brain might be:Feeling like you're taking in too much informationNot enjoying your normal activitiesFeeling disconnected or conversely overstimulatedWhen you need to get immediate relief try the sound of silence. Eliminate any extra noise you don't...2024-11-2713 minThe Mental LoadJust Lower Your StandardsWhy men have the perception that women have standards that are "too high" and how it contributes to the mental load. We've all been in the situation before where we ask our husbands to do something. It seems easy and obvious: "can you clean the kitchen after dinner, please?" We leave and come home to find the kitchen is still mostly a mess. Sure, the food was put away, but there's still dirty pans and utensils everywhere and the counters are sticky. It's not actually clean. And when you point this out your partner resorts to "You...2024-11-1440 minThe Mental LoadMedical Mental LoadWhy women still carry the mental load when it comes to our children's healthcare. In this episode, we break down why women still carry a majority of the mental load when it comes to our kids and their medical records. Because of the way American structures its paid leave for women postpartum, they disproportionately take their children to health care appointments - both well checks and sick visits. Families report mothers are usually the parent who takes time off when children need to stay home sick.Gender roles play a part in why women tend to...2024-11-071h 02The Mental LoadShowing Support for the Mental LoadWe don't want to ask for help with the mental load. Something about saying "can you help me with..." or "thanks for helping me with..." just grates on me. Most likely because it implies that I own the entire task and my partner only has to think about it and participate if asked, directed and given specific instructions. Sometimes when I'm at my breaking point and feeling frustrated about how much of the mental load I carry, I don't want to ask for help and I need a small way to help me get past...2024-07-2513 minThe Mental LoadThe mental load in LGBTQ+ householdsWhat is the mental load like in LGBTQ+ households?Today, Dr. Jazmin Richter joins us to talk through their experience redistributing the mental load as a queer couple in preparation for kids. In this episode we do a deep dive in to how partners can be more supportive to each other, change language around the mental load, and better align their values to create a more equal distribution of labor. Merch Vision Board 2024-07-181h 19The Mental LoadAre you a nag? Or is he just inconsistent?"Just ask for help" when it comes to the mental load. Don't be a nag - why women are held to a double standard in the household.In this hot take, Katlynn discusses why women are held to a double standard; being told to ask for help to alleviate the mental load, while being called a nag when they ask if something's gotten done. Men often get a pass to forget; they have a safety net of their partners who remember everything and know how to communicate the details and...2024-07-1106 minThe Mental LoadAdvice from a Marriage Therapist (Rerun)Advice on how to change the mental load from a marriage therapist.The effect the mental load has on marriages and how to have the conversation with your spouse. It's (one) of the episodes you all have been waiting for. How do you have the mental load conversation with your spouse and create meaningful change?Licensed therapist, Kristen Sanchez, takes us through the process of:having the conversationexamining your own contributions approaching your partnercreating lasting changethe impact of the mental load on relationshipsJoin us for this impactful conversation with...2024-07-0454 minThe Mental LoadWeaponized Incompetence - Hot TakeThe mental load and weaponized incompetence. In this hot take, Katlynn discusses what weaponized incompetence looks like after women have been gone for a short or extended period of time from their homes. When we leave our home whether to travel for work or for time away for a little bit of self care, it's unfair to come home to a messy house and kids that are completely off schedule.Why is it that when we're out of town our husbands get to parent like they're in survival mode? But when we're home...2024-06-2710 minThe Mental LoadThe Audacity - Moms Week DebriefWhy do millennial moms expect so much more from their husbands when it comes balancing the mental load?This week Angie and Katlynn debrief their episode with their boomer moms about the mental load. The two biggest takeaways from moms week were:They didn't have the language to talk about the mental load like millennial womenThey accepted and were ok with the way things wereWhich makes us wonder: where did we get the audacity?Merch Vision Board Mentioned in this episode:Joy School Affiliate Link2024-06-201h 01The Mental LoadA Fast Way to Lighten the Mental LoadOne fast way to lighten the mental loadThe affect of mommy influencers on our mental loadThere's no shame in the mommy influencer game. At all. It's a respectable way to make a living. But as millennial moms were inundated with information previous generations didn't have; in large part because of influencers. We've done a lot of damage to our mental health in the early days of influencers. We're just starting to see a shift to more "authentic" content and an even smaller percentage of mom-targeted content creators that are talking about...2024-06-1312 minThe Mental LoadA Generational Take on the Mental LoadJoin two millennial moms and their boomer mothers to discuss the mental load.This week Katlynn and Angie host their moms and mother-in-laws to discuss the mental load and get perspective from a different generation. We have our moms here because we thought it’d be a fun way for people to get to know us but also because as we’ve discussed so often on the podcast, the mental load is gendered, it’s generational and there are so many social standards that keep it in place so we think it’s going to be fun t...2024-06-061h 28The Mental LoadSeeking a Clone MachineThe Mental Load and Prepping to go out of TownThis week's hot take is about the mental load and prepping to go out of town. Those who carry the mental load can't simply pack their suitcase, give a few minor instructions and leave town. When you carry the mental load, in order to leave town you have to download your inherent knowledge and bring your partner up to speed on everything that needs to happen such as:school schedules/summer camp schedulesappointmentsextracurricular activitiesFor men, it's often not the same. They get to...2024-05-3012 minThe Mental LoadWhat Makes Moms BadassWhat transferrable skills does managing the mental load give moms?Today we’re discussing some of the valuable skill sets you get as a mom from balancing the mental load. I think we all feel stuck sometimes and focus a lot on the drain that the mental load causes and a while back, I listened to a podcast that was focused on skills that are unique to moms in the workplace because of motherhood and it felt like this awesome little pick me up, so I thought today’s topic would be a sweet little follow up and...2024-05-231h 05The Mental LoadF*ck Dem Trees - Your Sanity and the Mental Load at DinnerSacrificing your sanity and being overwhelmed by the mental load at dinner isn't required.Be earth conscious, but don't feel guilty when you have to use paper plates to lighten the mental load every once and a while.As a family of six, the mental load around dinner and chores related to dinner is never ending. And with summer approaching we'll be running the dishwasher multiple times a day. And while it's important to take care of our earth and we pride ourselves on being an earth-conscious family sometimes you just need to use paper...2024-05-1603 minThe Mental LoadIdentity Theft: How the Mental Load takes Over Women's LivesHow the mental load takes over women's livesHow not to lose yourself in motherhood"I resent the fact that you (dads) get to maintain your individuality, while I do not."The Mental Load often takes over women's lives leaving us feeling unfulfilled and like we lost ourselves in motherhood. It's a form of identity theft that nobody warns us about. When you become a mom, everyone starts to view you as "{insert kid's name} mom" while dads don't become {insert kid's name} dad". Men get to retain their individuality while...2024-05-0945 minThe Mental LoadPSA: Mother's Day & The Mental LoadThe mental load and mother's dayFor men: Why moms care so much about Mother's DayJoin Katlynn from the Mental Load Podcast in this Mother's Day hot take. Attention dads! Mother's Day for moms isn't necessarily about how big you celebrate it. It really comes down to being recognized for work that we feel is usually ignored.The holiday's usually fall into the mental load category because there's invisible labor that goes into planning them:- coordinating- planning the logistics- buying the...2024-05-0209 minThe Mental LoadThe Professional Mental Load and the Maternity Leave TaxPreparing for maternity leave and the start of the mental load.Career coach to help moms navigate a career and children.Women deal with a lot of emotions and roadblocks going into and coming back from maternity leave. How do we better prepare ourselves, our workplaces and our partners so the mental load at home and at work isn’t as bad? We had a great episode a couple weeks ago with Sarah Reeves about how to help shape the workplace into one that is more supportive for caregivers, so today’s conversation I think is g...2024-02-081h 05The Mental LoadWhat Other Countries are Getting RightHow do countries outside America support families and therefore lighten the mental load?What do nordic countries do to support families:Baby boxes with important newborn items to set families up for successPaid parental leave In Norway, parental leave is paid at full pay for the first 44 weeks or at 80% if parents opt to take 54 weeks. To encourage both parents to play their part, fathers must take at least six weeks' parental leave or risk the family losing payments for the same period.Free universal childcare from 18 mo - 7 yearsCapped childcare costsStrong gender equality in the w...2024-01-251h 09The Mental LoadA New Take on Meal PlanningThe mental load of meal planning.Why families struggle with meals and how it creates invisible labor for women.Meal planning, it's a bitch, right? In this week's hot take, Angie, discusses how her family of six has tackled meal planning. And, if we do say so ourselves, it's kinda genius. Instead of meticulously planning out each meal and the ingredients or making everything on the weekend to simply reheat on the weeknights, they've picked a theme for each night, so the guess work is less and the kids know what to expect. 2024-01-1806 minThe Mental LoadMaternity Leave Isn't a VacationMaternity Leave and the mental loadMaternity Leave isn't a vacation. In fact, it's where the mental load really starts and becomes one-sided.Today we discuss how Employee Resource Groups can help support and lighten the load for not just moms, but all caregivers, joined by Sarah Reeves.Sarah is a girl mom to Ella 8, Norah 5, Husband Aaron of 13 years. She's the Director of Product Management at one of the largest internet companies to date. After her first child, she co-founded a global employee resource group for parents that evolved to include caregivers...2024-01-111h 15The Mental LoadActs of Service as a Love Language - Is it Bullshit?Acts of service as a love languageAnecdotally I have noticed that every woman in a heterosexual relationship will say that her love language is acts of service. Ask her husband what her love language is and he'll say "definitely acts of service". But I think this is bullshit. What if, women are using acts of service as a love language as a cover for asking our partners to pick up more of the mental load?I find it statistically impossible that every woman lists acts of service as their love language. I...2024-01-0606 minThe Mental LoadI Can't "Self-Care" Myself Out of ThisTelling moms to practice self-care is not an answer to the mental load.What is the issue? Telling moms to practice more self-care is a bullshit cop out. Self care is defined as the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being.The term “self-care” actually has roots in the civil rights and women’s rights movements of the 1960s and ’70s. (There’s a frequently shared quote by Black American writer and activist Audre Lorde—“Caring for myself is not se...2023-12-2858 minThe Mental LoadMotherly's State of MotherhoodMotherly's State of Motherhood and the Mental LoadJoin us and special guest, Kate Anderson, Chief of Staff at Motherly to discuss their annual State of Motherhood report. The largest body of research regarding motherhood and issues impacting families. Kate Anderson is a leader in generating change and gender equality within the startup space.As a Chief of Staff at Motherly, a wellbeing destination empowering mothers to thrive with expert content, innovative product solutions, and supportive community. Motherly engages an audience of 40 million+ readers and viewers a month, with on-demand parent education classes...2023-12-141h 11The Mental LoadHoliday Magic vs. the Mental LoadWhat effect do the holidays have on the mental load for women?The holidays are often some of the most stressful time of year, financially, emotionally and physically for many families. Creating the holiday magic often falls to the already full plate of the mom, so what can we do to have a hot-mess-less holiday season? Angies hot take covers:Caring for your spouse during the holiday season so it can be magical for them tooCreating a joint budgetShopping together How to teach your kids to consider others this time of year andHow to let go...2023-12-0706 minThe Mental LoadOur Human Kids vs AngerHow our partner's anger impacts the mental load for women and affects our kidsWhat is the issue? We are part of a generation that wasn’t raised to think about kids’ feelings. Our parents didn’t ignore us, but they also weren’t as keyed in on emotional and social well-being as we are today. A big part of the mental load is that we’re the emotional backstop for everyone in the family and when both parents aren’t parenting from a place of emotional well being, it creates a disconnect that creates tension and a...2023-11-301h 00The Mental LoadWhat I Hear when you say "We Just Need a Better Routine"How routines help the mental loadIn our house, there's two versions of the mental load argument. Version 1 was "you just need to ask for help" now we're on to what I like to call 2.0 of the argument: "we just need a better routine".This statement sounds more progressive. It's action-oriented and inclusive. I said "we!". But here's the thing, routines aren't the entire solution. They don't absolve your partner from being an equal participant in whatever task needs to get done that you're currently handling alone. A routine isn't going to magically...2023-11-2309 minThe Mental LoadMom Guilt & What Holds Women BackHow does this affect mom's careers?Those who are able to put in more time, more travel, be available at all kinds of hours, etc. are more likely to get the big clients, the promotions, the career awards.But it’s not just about the time or physical availability; the mental load also affects mom’s careers because it makes it harder to focus and do deep work. “When a man expects his partner to ask him to do things, he’s viewing her as the manager of household chores. The problem is that planning and organizin...2023-11-161h 12The Mental LoadDon't Tell Me to Ask for HelpThe Mental Load: Why saying "Just ask for Help" is wrongOn this hot take, Katlynn discusses why men in relationships should not say "you just need to ask for help". This makes women feel:undervaluedunappreciatedtaken for grantedThe reality is that you chose to do this life together, so saying that she just needs to ask for help makes the mental load her problem, indicates that the things she thinks about are her job only and let's her know you don't think of them as mutual chores to share. 2023-11-0912 minThe Mental LoadThe Patriarchy vs. The Mental LoadHow the Patriarchy Affects the Mental LoadThis isn't a "fuck the patriarchy/white straight men suck" episode. This is an acknowledgment and discussion of facts. The facts are, that the patriarchy exists; by nature, it oppresses women and people of color; and it needs to be reformed. (which would then make it something new altogether) Society and institutions are made to evolve as they learn and I think we've learned enough about the patriarchy to make it clear that a lot needs to change.And, to be fair, outside of the economics of the...2023-11-022h 12The Mental LoadSeason 2 Coming SoonShorter episodes and weekly hot takes are coming later this fall!The Mental Load will drop new season every summer and winter. This gives Angie and Katlynn time to research and create quality content during the off-season. Thanks to everyone who's supported us so far on this journey, we're excited to bring you some amazing guests and conversations soon.2023-08-2202 minThe Mental LoadBoy, Bye: Divorce and the Mental LoadMillennial women are getting divorced at higher rates and the reason is because of the mental load. The reality is women are not attracted to men we have to mother.We’re taught when we’re looking for relationships to look for someone we can take of. But that shit doesn’t change once you get married.Today we're joined by Felicia Kashevaroff. Owner of Tend Task and a divorced mom. We dive in deep to what it's like balancing the mental load as a single mom and how the mental load contributes to divorce. Plus...2023-07-271h 04The Mental LoadThe Dad PrivilegeWhat is the dad privilege?The dad privilege, maternal gatekeeping and the mental load.What is dad privilege?The internet says: it’s when dads are treated like heroes and get praised for doing the same shit that moms do every fucking day. Dads get praised for just showing up. “Aw, you planned dinners for the whole week!” “Aw, you brought your kids to the birthday party!” “Aw, you gave the baby a bath!” -_-We also say: it’s the ability to just do things in their lives without considering the...2023-07-131h 23The Mental LoadWhat your Kids are Learning about the Mental LoadWhat are we teaching young boys and young girls about the mental load?What do our kids learn from watching their moms carry the mental load?One goal of this podcast is to break a generational cycle. What are we worried our sons are learning when we bear the mental load?"A popular squabble in my household stems from the fact that I bear the bulk of the mental load. My spouse—who’s a very involved and participatory partner—is still the guy that will make a plan to...2023-06-291h 33The Mental LoadAdvice to Fix the Mental LoadAdvice to fix the mental loadHow women can lighten the mental loadWelcome, Melissa Bloom, energy coach!The most popular question we get is "how do I fix the imbalance? how do I get rid of or at least lighten the mental load?"It's a challenging issue because it has so many different facets to it. Enter, Melissa. As an energy coach, Melissa works with all kinds of clients to find balance and feel joy in their lives. The mental load, as we all know, takes a heavy toll on...2023-06-1557 minThe Mental LoadGender ProgrammingHow does gender programming affect the mental load?All of this to say that women are taught from an early age that our worth and value comes from the house we keep and the kids we raise. Dads are taught that their job is done as soon as they’ve provided shelter and money for the family. What this looks like in Women: Programmed to think self worth comes from the house we keep and the kids we raiseAre taught to be the caretakers (therefore we prioritize this within our do to list)Nice vs K...2023-06-011h 24The Mental LoadBut How? Mental Load Advice from a Marriage TherapistAdvice on how to change the mental load from a marriage therapist.The effect the mental load has on marriages and how to have the conversation with your spouse. It's (one) of the episodes you all have been waiting for. How do you have the mental load conversation with your spouse and create meaningful change?Licensed therapist, Kristen Sanchez, takes us through the process of:having the conversationexamining your own contributions approaching your partnercreating lasting changethe impact of the mental load on relationshipsJoin us for this...2023-05-1856 minThe Mental LoadIt's a Real F***ing ThingWhat is the mental load?How does the mental load affect women?Is the mental load a real thing? And if it is, what is its impact on women?The mental load is all the “invisible work” that needs to be done to keep daily life goingThis includes cognitive and emotional needs as well.Cognitive labor involves thinking of all the practical needs and logistics and emotional labor involves managing and regulating everyone’s emotions to create the most successful outcome for everyone. Four components of the ment...2023-05-041h 08The Mental LoadSticky Floor Glass CeilingWhat is the impact of the mental load on women's careers?Invisible labor for women at workHow did we get here?The mental load has been a generational issue but it didn't become obvious to everyone until Covid where women suddenly found themselves working from home, parenting 24/7 and teaching their children. While men picked up more duties around the house, it was not enough to radically shift the load around; the invisible labor still stayed with women.What’s going on? Women are expected to:Anticipate...2023-05-041h 13The Mental LoadThe Mental Load - IntroChanging the mental loadHelping moms understand and balance the mental load of raising kidsDo you ever feel like you want to scream because you do all the stuff and things related to running your household and raising kid and yet nobody seems to notice how hard you work? We do. We're Angie and Katlynn. Two millennial moms brought together by our spitfire daughters. We're here to explore why the mental load exists, what keeps it in place and how we can change it to create a better...2023-04-1903 min