Shows
Not Your TherapistWhy You’re Attracted to Emotionally Unavailable PeopleSend a textWhy do emotionally unavailable people feel magnetic?Why does the hot-and-cold person spark chemistry… while the consistent, emotionally available one feels “boring”?If you keep finding yourself attracted to partners who pull away, avoid vulnerability, or struggle with emotional intimacy — this episode is for you.Today we’re breaking down the psychology behind attraction patterns, attachment styles, and why your nervous system can confuse anxiety with chemistry.We’ll talk about:What “emotionally unavailable” actually meansWhy inconsistency creates emotional intensityThe difference between activation and compatibilityHow attachment patte...
2026-03-1010 minNot Your TherapistWhy You Overthink EverythingSend a textDo you replay conversations before bed? Rewrite texts multiple times before sending? Second-guess decisions long after they’re made?You’re not alone — and you’re not “just anxious.”In this episode, we’re breaking down the psychology of overthinking and rumination, especially in high-functioning adults navigating careers, leadership, relationships, and big life decisions.Overthinking isn’t insight. It’s anxiety trying to create certainty.We’ll explore:Why your brain replays conversations and decisionsThe difference between thoughtful processing and ruminationHow fear of rejection, gui...
2026-03-0210 minNot Your TherapistTOOLBOX: The Ladder Method to Beat Procrastination & Task ParalysisSend a textDo you ever stare at a task for 30 minutes… and still can’t start?In this ADHD Toolbox episode, I’m walking you through a simple, practical strategy you can use immediately when you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or frozen: The Ladder Method.If you struggle with ADHD paralysis, procrastination, executive dysfunction, or perfectionism, this tool will help you lower the activation energy required to begin. Because here’s the truth: ADHD is not a motivation problem — it’s a task initiation problem.In this episode, you’ll learn:W...
2026-02-2311 minNot Your TherapistADHD Treatment: Medication, Therapy & What Actually WorksSend a textn this episode, we break down what really works when it comes to ADHD treatment — and why it’s not about fixing your personality or forcing yourself to “try harder.”You’ll learn:The surprising story of how ADHD medication was discovered (it was accidental)Why stimulants calm the ADHD brain instead of hyping it upThe difference between stimulant and non-stimulant medications — and how they work differently in the brainWhy ADHD medication has one of the strongest research track records in psychiatryWhat medication can help with — and what it absolutely cannot doHow therapy...
2026-02-1715 minNot Your TherapistADHD vs. Anxiety: Why They Feel So SimilarSend a textDo you have anxiety… or ADHD… or both?If you’ve ever felt constantly overwhelmed, distracted, restless, or stuck in procrastination — this episode is for you.ADHD and anxiety can look almost identical from the outside. Trouble focusing. Racing thoughts. Avoidance. Irritability. Sleep issues. Chronic overwhelm.But the why underneath is very different.In this episode, we break down:Why ADHD and anxiety share so many symptomsThe key neurological difference between executive dysfunction and threat responseHow avoidance driven by fear is different from avoidance driven by frict...
2026-02-1713 minNot Your TherapistWhy You Feel Like a Fraud (Even When You’re Doing Well)Send a textYou got the promotion. You built the business. You stepped into the new role. You’re doing well.So why do you secretly feel like a fraud?In this episode, we’re unpacking imposter syndrome — why it shows up during success, why it’s so common in your late 20s, 30s, and early 40s, and what’s actually happening in your brain when self-doubt creeps in.Spoiler: Imposter syndrome isn’t proof you’re unqualified. It’s a nervous system response to growth.We’ll talk abo...
2026-02-0909 minNot Your TherapistWhy You Feel Like a Fraud (Even When You’re Doing Well)Send a textYou got the promotion. You built the business. You stepped into the new role. You’re doing well.So why do you secretly feel like a fraud?In this episode, we’re unpacking imposter syndrome — why it shows up during success, why it’s so common in your late 20s, 30s, and early 40s, and what’s actually happening in your brain when self-doubt creeps in.Spoiler: Imposter syndrome isn’t proof you’re unqualified. It’s a nervous system response to growth.We’ll talk abo...
2026-02-0909 minNot Your TherapistADHD 101: Why Life Feels Harder Than It ShouldSend a textEver wonder why everyday tasks feel exhausting, overwhelming, or harder for you than they seem for everyone else? In this episode, we’re breaking down ADHD in a way that actually makes sense — especially for adults who’ve spent years thinking something was “wrong” with them.As a therapist, I see so many clients who feel scattered, behind, emotionally reactive, or inconsistent despite trying really hard. In this episode, we talk about what ADHD actually feels like in real life, the brain science behind why motivation and focus can be so unpredictable, and why sh...
2026-02-0229 minNot Your TherapistTOOLBOX: Create Your Container — An Emotional Regulation Skill for OverwhelmSend a textWhen emotions feel overwhelming, it can be hard to focus, think clearly, or stay present. This TOOLBOX episode teaches you how to create your container, a simple, EMDR-informed emotional regulation skill designed to help your nervous system feel safer and more organized.In this guided episode, you’ll be walked through how to create a mental container that can safely hold difficult thoughts, feelings, or memories when they feel too big to manage all at once. This skill is often used in trauma-informed therapy to support emotional regulation without avoidance or...
2026-01-2611 minNot Your TherapistTOOLBOX: Using Your Container — An Emotional Regulation Skill for OverwhelmSend a textWhen emotions spike, it’s easy to feel flooded, anxious, or unable to focus. This TOOLBOX episode teaches you how to use your container—a simple, EMDR-informed emotional regulation skill—to manage overwhelming thoughts and feelings without suppressing them.If you’ve already created a container, this episode shows you how to use it in real-life moments: when anxiety rises, intrusive thoughts loop, or emotions feel too big to hold. If you haven’t, you can still follow along and learn how containment works as a nervous-system regulation tool.In this...
2026-01-2614 minNot Your TherapistWhy Grieving Feels Harder Today: The Loss of Ritual and How to HealSend a textGrief feels heavier today—and it’s not just because loss is painful.In this episode, we explore how the loss of ritual in modern life has made grieving harder, lonelier, and more confusing than it used to be. For centuries, religion and culture provided structured grief rituals—like funerals, shiva, memorials, prayer, and communal mourning—that helped people process loss in a contained, supported way.Today, more people identify as non-religious, and many of those rituals have quietly disappeared. What’s left is unstructur...
2026-01-1917 minNot Your Therapist4 Minutes a Day to a Better RelationshipSend a textWhat if improving your relationship didn’t require therapy homework, long talks, or weekly date nights?In this episode, we’re breaking down how just 4 intentional minutes a day can dramatically strengthen your relationship—using principles from attachment theory that apply to marriage, parenting, and family life.You’ll learn about the four key moments every day that matter most for emotional connection:When you wake upWhen you separate for the dayWhen you reuniteWhen you go to...
2026-01-1311 minNot Your Therapist3 Ways to Set Better Boundaries This YearSend a textIf setting boundaries is on your New Year list… but you already feel guilty just thinking about it, this episode is for you.In this episode, I break down 3 realistic ways to set better boundaries this year — without over-explaining, people-pleasing, or blowing up your relationships.We’ll explore why boundaries feel so hard, what’s actually happening in your nervous system, and how to create boundaries that feel sustainable instead of exhausting.This podcast is meant to be a conversation — not a lecture. 🖤 Have thoughts...
2026-01-0514 minNot Your TherapistHormones & Mental Health: Why HRT Could Be a Game-ChangerSend a textWe talk a lot about anxiety and depression—but what if the root cause is your hormones? Hormonal imbalance is showing up earlier and more often than it did two decades ago, and it impacts everything from your sleep to your sex drive to your ability to feel joy.In this episode, I’m unpacking why hormone issues are becoming more common, how they can masquerade as mental health struggles, and why HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) can be such a powerful solution. I’ll also break down why some doctors hesitate to prescr...
2025-09-0812 minNot Your TherapistTriggers 101: Understanding Your ReactionsSend a textYou’re having a normal day—coffee in hand, scrolling your phone—and suddenly your chest tightens, your heart races, and you’re spiraling. That’s a trigger. But what exactly does it mean to be “triggered”?In this episode, I’m breaking down what triggers really are (spoiler: they’re your nervous system’s way of trying to protect you), how to recognize when you’re in the middle of one, and practical tools to help you calm your body and regain control. I’ll share real-life examples from my work as a therapist—and from...
2025-09-0112 minNot Your TherapistLikeability Isn’t Luck: Easy Tips to Boost Your CharismaSend a textEver met someone who just has it—that mix of confidence, warmth, and magnetism that makes people lean in? That’s charisma. And good news: it’s not some magical personality trait you’re either born with or not—it’s a skill you can actually practice.In this episode, I’m breaking down what charisma really is (hint: it’s equal parts warmth and competence), why it matters more than smarts when it comes to relationships and leadership, and simple ways you can start increasing your likeability today. We’ll cover science-backed str...
2025-08-2510 minNot Your TherapistEMDR Explained: What It Is and Who It’s ForSend a textEver wondered what EMDR actually is—or why everyone from trauma therapists to TikTok is talking about it? In this episode, I’m breaking down Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (aka EMDR) in plain English. We’ll cover how it works, what the science says, and who it’s really for. I’ll also share how EMDR has impacted me personally and what I’ve seen in my own clients—because spoiler alert: it’s powerful. Whether you’re a therapist curious about adding it to your toolkit or someone wondering if it could help you h...
2025-08-1916 minNot Your Therapist#29 Boundary Boot Camp: From People-Pleaser to Self-ProtectorSend a textThe word "boundaries" has become such a buzzword that many people throw it around without truly understanding what it means. But what exactly are boundaries, and why do so many of us struggle to set them effectively?Boundaries aren't about controlling others—they're guidelines for what you will and won't allow in your life. The key distinction lies in taking responsibility for yourself rather than trying to change someone else's behavior. A true boundary consists of identifying unacceptable behavior and determining what YOU will do if that boundary isn't respected.Fo...
2025-07-2817 minNot Your TherapistBONUS: Love Island UK Season 12 — A Therapist Breaks Down Harrison, Lauren & ToniSend a textEver found yourself drawn to someone who couldn't quite decide if they wanted you? The Harrison-Lauren-Tony love triangle from Love Island UK Season 12 offers a perfect case study in toxic relationship patterns that might feel eerily familiar.This captivating analysis breaks down the psychological dynamics at play when a charming but emotionally withholding person keeps multiple partners on the hook. Harrison's classic avoidant attachment style—complete with ambiguous feelings, surface-level connection, and an "I'm still deciding" approach—creates the perfect storm of manipulation. Through intermittent reinforcement (the same psychological principle that makes gamb...
2025-07-2108 minNot Your Therapist#28 Emotional Incest: When Parents Cross the LineSend a textHave you ever felt responsible for a parent's emotional wellbeing? Been called "the only one they can talk to" or "their rock"? That special closeness you felt might actually have been something therapists call emotional incest—a hidden form of boundary violation that shapes how we connect with others well into adulthood.Emotional incest occurs when a parent turns to their child to fulfill emotional needs typically reserved for adult relationships. Unlike physical or sexual abuse, it's often disguised as love, creating confusion for survivors who struggle to recognize its harmful effects. Th...
2025-07-2116 minNot Your Therapist#27 The Only Child – Mature, Independent… and Maybe a Little Emotionally OverloadedSend a textWere you the only child who was “so mature for your age”—but never really got to be a kid? In this episode, we dive into what it’s really like growing up without siblings and how that shapes your identity, relationships, and emotional habits as an adult.Drawing from birth order psychology and Family Systems Theory, we explore how only children miss the sibling subsystem—your first environment for social learning—and what happens when you become the emotional container for your entire family. From hyper-independence to emotional overload, this one’s f...
2025-06-3020 minNot Your Therapist#26 The Youngest Child – Fun, Free-Spirited, or Forever the Baby?Send a textAre you the youngest child who’s always been seen as “the fun one”—but never quite taken seriously? In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we’re breaking down the psychology of the youngest child: how being the “baby” of the family shapes your personality, relationships, and sense of identity.We explore how youngest kids often become the entertainer or escape artist, the impact of being underestimated, and how this birth order role can lead to charm, deflection, and hidden pressure to prove yourself in adulthood. It’s not all fun and game...
2025-06-2319 minNot Your Therapist#25 The Middle Child – Chameleon, Peacemaker, or Just Forgotten?Send a textWere you the middle child—the one who stayed out of the way, kept the peace, and quietly handled your own emotional needs? You’re not alone. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we dive deep into the psychology of middle child syndrome, emotional distancing, and why so many middle children become chronic people-pleasers or “distancers” in adulthood.We’ll talk about how middle children are shaped by their role in the family, what happens when your needs are ignored, and how that invisibility can turn into emotional walls later in l...
2025-06-1622 minNot Your Therapist#24 The Eldest Child – CEO in Training or Resentful Parent #2?Send a textAre you the firstborn and secretly exhausted? You’re not alone. In this episode, we dive deep into the eldest child experience—how being the “responsible one” often leads to perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, and emotional overfunctioning in adulthood.If you were basically a third parent growing up, this one’s for you. We’ll talk about parentification, high-achiever syndrome, and how to start setting boundaries with the roles you’ve outgrown.Keywords: eldest child traits, birth order psychology, parentified child, high-achiever burnout, therapy podcast, perfectionism, family dynamics, chil...
2025-06-1022 minNot Your Therapist#23 Why Birth Order Actually Matters (Yes, Even If You’re 35 and Over It)Send a textDid your family birth order shape your personality? Spoiler: yep. In this episode, we explore how birth order influences your identity, temperament, and adult relationships. Whether you're the eldest child, middle child, youngest, or only child, this episode helps you understand how your role in the family still shows up in your life today.You’ll learn the psychology behind birth order, what patterns to look for, and how to break free from the expectations you never asked for.This podcast is meant to be a conversation — not a le...
2025-06-0417 minNot Your Therapist#22 Why Rest Feels Impossible: Understanding Your Productivity AddictionSend a textEver feel like you're constantly running on a productivity treadmill, unable to step off without experiencing overwhelming guilt and anxiety? You're not alone. What looks like ambition and high achievement might actually be anxiety masquerading as motivation – and over time, it can evolve into something more concerning.In this revealing episode, we explore how childhood messages about productivity and worth create deeply ingrained neural pathways that follow us into adulthood. When our parents or caregivers unconsciously taught us that our value comes from what we accomplish rather than who we are, we de...
2025-05-1915 minNot Your Therapist#21 Validate Yourself in 3 Steps and Build ConfidenceSend a textEver hit a milestone and still feel... kinda hollow? Or find yourself needing everyone else’s opinion before you can trust your own? Been there. And spoiler alert: It’s not because you’re broken.It’s because most of us were raised in homes where self-validation wasn’t modeled—so now we second-guess everything from our feelings to our freaking lunch order. In this episode, I’m breaking down why learning to validate yourself is the foundation for real confidence, calm, and clarity.We’ll talk about:Why “outsourci...
2025-05-1214 minNot Your Therapist#20 Emotional Invalidation: Why You Feel Small In Your Own FamilySend a textThe quiet dismissal of your feelings? That sh*t cuts deeper than yelling ever could.When someone avoids eye contact, scrolls their phone mid-convo, or chuckles at your story like it’s a joke—they might not say anything cruel, but your nervous system still gets the memo: You don’t matter here.After a recent family visit left me feeling invisible and low-key spiraling, I had to unpack the slow-burn pain of emotional invalidation. If you grew up in a family where your feelings were ignored, mocked, or met with a...
2025-05-0516 min
Not Your Therapist#19 Divorced But Not Damaged: What NOT to Do If You Don’t Want to Mess Up Your Kids with Dr. Larry WaldmanSend a textDr. Larry Waldman brings decades of forensic psychology experience to this raw, insightful conversation about the hidden casualties of divorce – the children caught in the crossfire between warring parents. Drawing from twenty years as the expert judges called on during high-conflict custody battles, Dr. Waldman exposes the psychological damage inflicted when parents prioritize their hurt feelings over their children's wellbeing."Kids are born naked and naive. What they see in their home, as far as they're concerned, is their reality," Dr. Waldman explains. When that reality fractures during divorce, children experience profound di...
2025-04-2854 min
Not Your Therapist#18 Career Burnout Is Real—Here’s How to Bounce Back with Dr. Jesseca TigheSend a textAre you staring at your calendar wondering how you'll face another workday? That crushing exhaustion isn't just tiredness—it's burnout, and it's reached epidemic levels among high-achievers and caregivers.In this eye-opening conversation with psychologist Dr. Jessica Tai, we dive into the science behind workplace burnout, revealing why it's now an official diagnosis with three distinct types that affect us differently. From the frenetic burnout that drives us to check emails during family dinner to the worn-out burnout that makes everything feel urgent, we unpack the hidden symptoms our culture has normalized as...
2025-04-2130 min
Not Your Therapist#17 Struggling to Be Heard? How to Improve Communication in Love + Life with Erin DardenSend a textEver wondered why it's so hard to simply ask for what you need in relationships? Former attorney turned emotional intelligence coach Erin Darden brings clarity to this struggle, revealing how societal expectations, fear of rejection, and our own internalized guilt create barriers to honest communication."You can't pour from an empty cup, but women do it all the time," Erin observes, highlighting how many women see advocating for their needs as selfish rather than essential. Through our conversation, she unpacks the psychological and social factors that keep women silent, offering practical strategies...
2025-04-1443 min
Not Your Therapist#16 Emotional Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships: What You’re Missing and How to Get It Back with Amy Phillips LCSWSend a textStruggling to feel close to your partner in a long-term relationship? Tired of fighting about the same things over and over—like dishes, chores, or who's doing bedtime? You’re not alone—and the issue probably isn’t what you think it is.In this episode of Not Your Therapist, I sit down with couples and individual therapist Amy Phillips, one of our seasoned clinicians at Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC. We dive deep into what drives emotional intimacy in long-term relationships, why couples often feel disconnected over time, and what to do when...
2025-04-0739 min
Not Your Therapist#15 Where’s the Manual? Navigating Motherhood & Finding Community with Amanda Hofmann, The Wilmington MomSend a textWhen Amanda Hofmann became a mom in January 2020—just as the world shut down—her life took a wild turn. A seasoned event planner suddenly found herself navigating new motherhood, postpartum anxiety, and total isolation. So what did she do? She strapped her baby into a stroller, started walking the parks of Wilmington, NC… and accidentally created one of the most loved parenting resources in the area: The Wilmington Mom.In this episode, Amanda and I get real about what it actually feels like to become a mom—and how no amo...
2025-03-3137 min
Not Your Therapist#14 Self-Worth, Diet Culture, and Breaking Free from Food Guilt with Emma TownsinSend a textYour Body Isn’t the Enemy—It’s Fighting for YouDiet culture has fed us a lie: that thinness equals health, worth, and discipline. But what if everything you’ve been taught about food and your body is wrong? Specialist eating disorder dietitian Emma Townsin is here to flip the script on restrictive diets, emotional eating, and why your body isn’t sabotaging you—it’s actually trying to keep you alive.From childhood, we absorb sneaky messages linking thinness to morality—through cartoons, movies, casual comments...
2025-03-2436 min
Not Your Therapist#13 Desire Disasters: What Kills Your Sex Drive & How to Get It Back with Shie Benisti LCSWSend a textStruggling with low libido? Feeling disconnected from your partner? You're not alone. In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast, licensed sex therapist Shie Benisti, LCSW, CST, joins us to break down the real reasons why sexual desire fluctuates—and what you can do to bring intimacy back.We dive into the mental, emotional, and relational blocks that impact desire, including the role of stress, hormonal changes, and the mental load that disproportionately affects women. Shie also shares practical, no-BS strategies to sh...
2025-03-1739 min
Not Your Therapist#12 Therapists Spill the Tea: What We Wish Clients Knew with Darrian Pelkey MSW, LCSWASend a textEver wonder what your therapist really thinks about you? 🤔 In this episode of Not Your Therapist Podcast, licensed therapist Darrian Pelkey, MSW, LCSWA, joins me to spill the tea on what goes on behind the scenes in therapy.We’re pulling back the curtain on the things therapists wish clients knew—from common misconceptions about therapy to what we actually think when you apologize for crying in session. If you’ve ever worried about being a “bad” client, overthought what you said after a session, or wondered if your therapis...
2025-03-1735 minNot Your TherapistShrink Shots: Therapy Terms 101 – Emotional Regulation – How to Stop Flipping Out (Even When They Deserve It)Send a textEver feel like your emotions hijack your brain before you even have a chance to think? Emotional regulation is the key to handling stress, frustration, and overwhelm without exploding (or shutting down). In this quick Shrink Shots episode, we’re breaking down what emotional regulation actually means, why it’s so hard sometimes, and how to stop flipping out—even when someone totally deserves it.💡 What You’ll Learn:✔️ What emotional regulation is (and what it isn’t)✔️ Why your brain struggles to stay calm under stress✔️ Simple...
2025-03-1307 minNot Your TherapistShrink Shots: Therapy Terms 101 – Emotions – What the Hell Are They & Why Do We Have Them?Send a textEver wondered why you have emotions—or why they sometimes feel like they’re running your entire life? In this quick Shrink Shots episode, we’re breaking down the science behind emotions, what they’re actually trying to tell you, and how to deal with them without letting them take over. Spoiler alert: Your emotions aren’t the enemy—they’re data. You just need to know how to read them.💡 What You’ll Learn:✔️ What emotions really are and why they exist✔️ Why some emotions feel way too intense✔️ How to p...
2025-03-1108 min