Shows
LoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Strength of the Adaptive ChildSend us a textPoised in between the slings and arrows of early childhood (i.e., the Wounded Child) and the emergence of the Wise Adult, the Adaptive Child becomes our friend and our go-to personality more often than not. Jerry and Kristy pay homage to it, while discussing the real-life repercussions of your Adaptive Child for your relationships.
2025-12-1336 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBad Couples TherapySend us a textThis was a topic that was requested of us to talk about, and which resonated with both Kristy and Jerry as a worthy one. When couples therapy goes wrong, or is unsatisfying to the couple that searched for help, why is this??? What type of connection, process and set of skills are necessary to have things click and move forward with good feeling for all involved? Kristy and Jerry consider this (along with a fake fight in which one person argues about the couples therapist favoring one of them over the other).
2025-11-1553 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeAre You Curious About Yourself?Send us a textAfter having previously considered how curiousity functions in a relationship, Kristy and Jerry take a look at how it also influences us as individuals, over our lifespans.
2025-09-1937 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeAre You Curious About Your Partner?Send us a textAfter a summer hiatus, Jerry & Kristy are back, talking about the curiosities -- or lack of curiosities -- we have about our partners. How does this affect intimacy? Long-term relationship habits can work to erode spontaneity, a sense of discovery and wonder and all the good stuff that was there in the beginning. Can curiosity be restored??? YES, and at any point in the life span of your relationship.
2025-08-0738 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeControlling Your PartnerSend us a textJerry & Kristy consider the ebbs and flow of attempted control of the other person within a relationship. What does it get you? What's so wrong about it, anyway?An epic fight about the way the other person loads the dishwasher is featured in the second half, as well as a better-way-forward illustrated.
2025-04-1940 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen You're Both AvoidantSend us a textSo what happens when BOTH of you have patterns of avoiding conflict and want to keep the peace at all costs, even if it means staying with an unhappy status quo? Jerry & Kristy consider this (a listener-suggested topic) in light of the rewards that can come from decidedly "rocking the boat."
2025-03-2831 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeSeek First to UnderstandSend us a textIdentifying your feelings and then talking about them isn't enough. There is another person present in the relationship and reaching to understand THEM is the very challenge that we have to master in order for any progress to take hold. Kristy and Jerry consider how the search for understanding of "the other" usually presents itself -- either in its presence or its absence and show you how this often breaks out in fights. Alternatives are identified and practiced.
2025-03-0841 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThat Third Day of Vacation FightSend us a textYou finally both get to the vacation destination of your dreams -- something you've been saving for the rest of the year and it seems just great. Until the third day, when you have That Big Fight. Why is this such a recognizable thing to most couples? What explains it? And what could help things be better?
2025-02-1534 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Space Between Our Two RealitiesSend us a textSometimes it is hard to believe we are on the same planet, witnessing the same things as our partner but ending up with very different perspectives. Kristy and Jerry consider the "space between" and consider how best to handle differences about "Reality" when it comes to life in the here-and-now with a partner.
2025-01-2533 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeNew Beginnings With the Same (Old) Partner?Send us a textIs it possible? How can this be done? And what are the rewards? Jerry and Kristy consider the rewards and roadblocks to blazing new paths of discovery and adventure with your current partner.
2025-01-0830 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Long Ride Home After Couples TherapySend us a textTriumphing over technical difficulties for today's episode, Kristy and Jerry talk about that long ride home after couples' sessions. Variations on it are proposed, along with a reaffirmation of the purpose of couples' therapy. Hints are dropped about a 2026 event.
2024-11-1726 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen the Adaptive Child Insists on PrevailingSend us a textIn this conversation, Kristy and Jerry explore the concept of the 'adaptive child'—the immature part of ourselves that can dominate our reactions during conflicts. They discuss how to navigate situations when one partner is stuck in this state for an extended period, emphasizing the importance of self-care, compassion, and understanding. The dialogue highlights the significance of timing, safety, and the role of personal energy in communication. They also address the anxiety that can arise in relationships and the necessity of being able to choose to stay in a relationship without desperation. Ultimately, th...
2024-10-1146 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeSelf-SoothingSend us a textIn this conversation, Jerry and Kristy discuss the importance of self-soothing in relationships. They define self-soothing as the ability to observe oneself and step in to soothe oneself before reacting negatively. They explore different techniques for self-soothing, such as deep breathing, listening to soothing music, spending time with pets, writing, taking baths, and going for walks. They also discuss the need for self-awareness and the importance of not reacting impulsively in triggering situations. They highlight the significance of finding a balance between self-soothing and nurturing the relationship as a couple.
2024-09-2036 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeHow To Use TherapySend us a textJerry and Kristy discuss the gap that can exist between "having good sessions" and actual change taking place, for either an individual or a couple. Tips for bringing the best of therapy to your actual relationship life are shared.
2024-09-0135 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMaking the Most of Your Time TogetherSend us a textIt's almost astonishing how -- after lamenting how little time we "get" to spend with our partner -- we routinely ignore the basics of positive connection in the time we finally set aside to be together. Kristy and Jerry review how some of these dynamics work and suggest corrective measures that can enhance your relational health.
2024-07-2745 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeDiagnosing Your PartnerSend us a textThe perils and pluses of reaching a diagnostic understanding about your partner are considered. Voicing diagnostic lingo to your partner is considered in terms of being an usually-losing tactic. Of special consideration when one of the couple is a therapist her/himself....
2024-07-0132 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeRepairSend us a textJerry & Kristy take an extended look at the process of repair. Frequently misunderstood as a "moment" it is actually a relational project that requires vulnerability, bravery and follow-through. Specific applications of the process of repair to four different fight-scenarios are illustrated.
2024-06-101h 09LoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMoneySend us a textCouples usually stumble over this ever-present elephant-in-the-room; what if you have different backgrounds, expectations and habits when it comes to personal finances? What are the implications for the two of you as a couple? How do you even begin to talk about it? Jerry and Kristy ponder this out loud, with numerous common examples of disconnect. Hopeful strategies are identified.
2024-05-2343 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifePatriarchy In Our RelationshipsSend us a textJerry and Kristy consider the thorny impact of worldwide patriarchy on the way we function in our relationships. Alternative models are considered, as well as an understanding of how the status-quo we were born into results in a bad deal for both men and women.
2024-04-2742 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeEverything Breaks; Most Gets FixedSend us a textYou know the feeling when you just want to throw things away? When one too many things have occurred and you would just love to get rid of things (or your partner?) instead of working to fix them? Jerry ponders the convergence of a number of mechanical breakdowns that came his way as Kristy puts it in context of the ever-present challenge of relational repair.
2024-04-0232 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeEgoSend us a textWhat role does our ego play in helping, or hindering, connection with our partner? Kristy & Jerry unpack some of this together. Jerry reports some about his travel to Southern India and how long it took him to finally unpack after returning.
2024-03-1446 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhat If Your Partner Doesn't Want To Do "The Work"?Send us a textIt's more rare than we would like that both partners in a couple approach "the work" of behavioral change with the same intensity, at the same rate, and in the same way. What happens if one person is much more enthusiastic about "doing the work" than the other partner? Kristy and Jerry consider this in today's episode.
2024-02-2337 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeI Am DONE!!!Send us a textMemorable, highly-charged words and phrases are frequently heard in couples' therapists' offices. What they mean -- how they are understood between people who claim to love each other -- is often highly debatable and unclear. Jerry and Kristy try to translate some meanings in today's episode.
2024-02-0236 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Selfishness of AddictionSend us a textAn addict's path to recovery necessarily involves making amends and becoming more relational to the people around you whom you've wounded. But often people get caught at the "dry-drunk" phase, don't do the relational work (despite 12-step groups' encouragement to do so) and the very process of recovery can attain a familiarly selfish flavor. Jerry and Kristy explore the relational damage addiction (and sometimes even recovery) can bring.
2024-01-2339 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Challenge of Blended FamiliesSend us a textIt's not always The Brady Bunch. In fact, it almost never is. Kristy and Jerry explore some of the dynamics at work for members of blended families and try to "right-size" expectations to maximize opportunities for natural connections.
2024-01-0937 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe HolidaysSend us a textAhhhh...The Holidays. They are already here, and we are already scrambling to try to extract the maximum amount of family happiness and connection from situations that can also offer confusion, old, unresolved situations, things-out-of-left-field, financial stress, arguments and large amounts of stress or depression. Still, it is possible to put together a tool kit for yourself and to find joy in moments of connection large and small.
2023-12-0443 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeGratitudeSend us a textJerry and Kristy express their gratitude for the people, places and things in their lives, with a particular focus on their respective relationships. Being able to extract, and express, gratitude for that hard things that are learned as part of the growth-edge that relationships bring is the Advanced Class. Our best efforts are required, and are rewarded.
2023-11-1846 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeTrauma & Your RelationshipSend us a textWhether it is childhood trauma(s), the effects of societal prejudices, discrimination and stigmatizing or more recent adult losses of a traumatic nature, the ripple effects of trauma is shared with our partner in relationships. Kristy and Jerry ponder the wide-ranging effects of this in presenting challenges to intimacy in relationships. And we end with a whopper of a role-played good fight, demonstrating, once again, the wrong way and the right way to have disagreements with a spouse. (Spoiler alert: we are married to other people who have to actually deal with the A...
2023-11-0750 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeAm I Crazy?Send us a textDo you ever feel strongly at emotional odds with most things around you? And then whether or not you are off-your-rocker and possibly The Problem because of being crazy? Just....different from others, in a major way? You aren't alone at all. Being overwhelmed by feelings -- and not feeling like they are seen and valued by those closest to you -- is common. Jerry and Kristy break it down and consider the way forward, wherein you can remain connected to a partner despite the depth and intensity of your own feelings.
2023-10-2149 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeReligious UpbringingsSend us a textOur religious upbringings -- or non-religious upbringings -- can have implications and repercussions for our later intimate relationships, the likes of which we likely hadn't considered. Jerry & Kristy discuss.
2023-09-2948 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeRewriting (Relationship) HistorySend us a textKristy & Jerry consider what happens when we, for one reason or another, remember only certain aspects of our most important relationships. We deny, or ignore, important things at a cost; recovery of all the layers of a relationship may be painful, but worth it.
2023-09-1642 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBirthdays & AnniversariesSend us a textWhat's it like for you to be in a couple and to celebrate these special occasions? Or...not? What happens, for the couple, when these days roll around and either are celebrated, ignored or recognized in a less-than-satisfying way? Jerry and Kristy contemplate these things and more.
2023-09-0638 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Fine Line Between Letting Things Go & EnablingSend us a textKristy and Jerry untangle the thorny areas in which personal boundaries seem to be challenged by our partner's desire to control us, when -- in fact -- it is often about emotional needs we can all relate to it. The seed for solutions lay in a relational approach, neither in confrontation nor denial.
2023-08-0752 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeHaving a BabySend us a textAdding an additional person to your household offers unique challenges and rewards for a couple, but undeniably is one of the most profound relationship shifts you'll undergo in your lives together. Kristy and Jerry ponder some of these effects and speak out loud about things that too often not spoken about because....well, because it's not so easy.
2023-07-2549 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeJust How Much Intimacy Do I Really Want?Send us a textJerry and Kristy wrestle with the reality that every couple has different levels of desire when it comes to ongoing closeness and intimacy. Like so many other markers of social and emotional health, intimacy might be best viewed on a continuum.
2023-07-1045 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBlinded By My HurtSend us a textWe all know THOSE kind of arguments; when one of us just will not give in, because giving in means giving up and conceding defeat in what feels like a life-and-death battle. But when we consider it at a safe distance, well...what is really going on? And how could these things be handled better? Jerry and Kristy consider this, give some advice, and show what it looks like/sounds like in a real-time argument (done poorly then more compassionately).
2023-06-2644 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBeing Happy When Your Partner Isn'tSend us a textKristy and Jerry consider the awkward dynamics that can ensue when partners aren't aligned in their levels of happiness or sadness on any given day, week or month. What, exactly, is your level of "responsibility" and what isn't? How can this be approached with kindness and sensitivity?
2023-06-1142 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeGetting Your Self-Esteem From Social MediaSend us a textJerry & Kristy consider what happens when the primary source of our self-esteem comes from our social media applications. What are the implications for our relationships?
2023-05-2943 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeCancelling Toxic Relationships (And Aren't We All A Little Toxic?)Send us a textKristy and Jerry consider the phenomena of "cancellation" as a reactive move; when is it exactly the right thing, and when is it exactly the wrong thing? How does fast-easy cancellation, "ghosting," etc. work against our developing abilities to be relational?
2023-05-1644 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeAll (S)He Wants Is SexSend us a textA frequently heard complaint in couples' sessions is deconstructed and discussed. Are there any bad people here, or are two people seeking to be seen and valued in different ways when there is an obvious disconnect re: sexual needs? What are the ways to meet in a mutually appreciated way, where boundaries are respected AND needs are acknowledged? And -- dare we ask -- what about pleasure?
2023-05-0146 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeDoes Your Attachment Style Sabotage You?Send us a textKristy and Jerry discuss lasting styles of attachment and the difficulties these can pose for our partners. (And ourselves!) And...it somehow all makes sense. Can this be worked on with health in a relationship and result in improvements? Absolutely, yes. Can you change your partner's fundamental attachment style??? Well, now....time for some humility.
2023-04-1738 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeHome Is Where We Fall ApartSend us a textThe intimate connections offered by our home life can go either way: towards snippy, isolated/isolating, defensive interactions or towards ever-greater connectedness and satisfactions. Jerry and Kristy consider this, in action, and conclude with a fight (done both from a less-mature point of view AND a wise-adult stance).
2023-04-0136 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeDo Words Even Matter?Send us a textJerry & Kristy consider the dual nature of words, as they are used in relationships. On the one hand they matter very much -- as they can be source of great pain or comfort. On the other hand some of the most profound moments of your relationship have very little with words. As with most tools humans use to connect or disconnect with each other, it is worth consideration. We culminate in a fight, showing both the damaging nature of words and their potential to initiate repair.
2023-03-1947 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeCatastrophizingSend us a textThe fine (self-defeating) art of making small disappointments, disagreements and conflicts into major demonstrations of disastrous proportions is discussed by Kristy and Jerry. Alternatives are considered. We also -- finally -- resume our end-of-podcast fights, illustrating better ways of handling disappointments than couples often reach for.This marks our first VIDEO-also podcast; we're setting up our You Tube channel as we speak, so you'll soon be able to see this one, and future ones, in all the video glory. Faces to match the voices. Who would've thought such a thing would...
2023-03-0644 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBody Image & Your RelationshipSend us a textJerry and Kristy explore the shaping of our self-esteem -- and the impact on later relationships -- that occurs related to our own body image issues. The impact of early family influences, societal messaging, the internet and advertising on internalized shame and doubt is profound, and shapes what we bring into our relationship with a similarly insecure human being.
2023-02-1938 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeRelationship ReckoningSend us a textHow can you go about figuring if a relationship is really over? Whether you'd be happier without it? Kristy and Jerry discuss the intricacies of deciding when separating and ending a relationship is the right thing to do. Alternately: how can you come to peace with things that annoy you in your partner that just never seem to change?
2023-02-0648 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen Your Partner LeavesSend us a textJerry and Kristy consider all the variations in "leaving" and the repercussions for the relationship. Healthy alternatives for taking space are considered. As usual, we have a fight at the end and show a better way of doing that.
2023-01-2146 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeFaith TransitionsSend us a textKristy and Jerry discuss the challenges and opportunities that exist when one member of a couple goes through changes about their religious beliefs (and practices). Does it always have to be a deal-breaker of epic proportions for the couple? And...what about any children who may be watching?
2023-01-0940 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeSelf Esteem: A Deep DiveSend us a textKristy and Jerry take a deeper look at how self-esteem (yours!) remains at the core of a relationship's chances for success. The futility of trying to change your partner while not feeling good enough about yourself (or even knowing your own needs) is discussed, with special attention paid to each of the four quadrants conceptualized by Terry Real (and Pia Mellody) in Relational Life Therapy.
2022-12-1948 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeIs Your Partner a Narcissist?Send us a textIs your partner a narcissist? And what are the implications if the answer is "Yes"? Is this term over-used, or under-recognized? What possibilities realistically exist for someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist?Jerry and Kristy wrestle with this in today's episode.
2022-12-0343 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBiting The BulletSend us a textYou know the feeling; that moment when your spouse asks you to do something that you absolutely, honestly DON'T want to do. But they enjoy it. What do you do? Radical honesty in the direction of "taking care of myself"? Or....aren't there just times where you have to "bite the bullet" and "take one for the team"? And how is this different from co-dependency, or becoming a doormat? Jerry & Kristy consider this.
2022-11-2040 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeAfter The AffairSend us a textWhat happens, for a couple, after one partner has had an affair and it is now out in the open? What are the best things you can do (and the worst ones)? How long is the healing process? Is it really true that going through this together can lead to a closer relationship that existed previously? Jerry and Kristy consider it.
2022-11-0749 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBreadwinningSend us a textTalking about money -- and how it affects your relationship -- is one of the hardest things for a couple to do. Without even knowing that we are responding to our family of origin's stories and values we often develop resentments and major barriers to intimacy with our partners and don't know how to begin talking about it. Jerry and Kristy try to unravel some of this and suggest what healthy directions for conversation might look like.
2022-10-2049 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen I Need You The Most, You DisappearSend us a textKristy and Jerry explore some of the most challenging types of disconnected moments between couples. How comfortable are men with crying, or big expressions of emotion? Do men run and duck, looking for cover, abandoning spouses, emotionally, just when their connected presence is needed the most? How can this cycle be broken?
2022-10-1047 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMe Versus UsSend us a textWe all want time to ourselves. But what about when that seems to conflict directly with connecting relationally to the significant others around us? What then??? Are there ways of maintaining healthy connections while giving ourselves what we need solo? Jerry and Kristy consider this.
2022-09-2644 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen Politics Rips Couples ApartSend us a textJerry & Kristy discuss the growing trend of angry politics ripping couples apart and testing their relationships as the media around them continue to provoke people to ever-rising levels of division. Alternatives are considered.
2022-09-1143 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe One Thing...Send us a textJerry & Kristy ponder the ONE THING we'd love you to MOST GET in the realm of couples' therapy. And -- in preparation for a few weeks off at the end of August -- we have two excellent fake fights and demonstrate how things could be handled differently. Let us know what you'd like to hear us cover, as topics, in our 2nd season, which begins in September.
2022-08-0542 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhat (Some) Women Say in TherapySend us a textIn our follow-up episode Kristy and Jerry consider what we often here from women in sessions regarding being in a couple/marriage/parenting arrangement. We conclude with a seemingly spontaneous -- and annoying -- fight, showing how alternative ways of expressing/reacting get you better results.
2022-06-1443 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhat (Some) Men Say In TherapySend us a textWhat do (some) men sound like in therapy, to a couples' therapist? What are their initial presenting complaints? Can generalizations safely be made, after hearing the same themes repeated over and over again? Jerry & Kristy compare notes, and try to draw some positive momentum from it. We also offer a sample couples' relationship fight, with it reworked using skills instead of verbal hand-grenades.
2022-05-2844 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeThe Allure of Other PeopleSend us a textAhhhh...the gentle (or powerful) allure of Other People. They're just....perfect. Aren't they? Wouldn't life be perfect with them? Jerry and Kristy consider the challenges, and illusions, the flashing attraction to others might bring.
2022-05-1138 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeCodependent SexSend us a textJerry & Kristy tackle the thorny topic of the intersection of sexual behaviors in relationships as they may reflect basic patterns of codependency. The importance of self-esteem, boundaries and other basics often get lost in the mix when another person's varied needs come into play. Strategies for achieving a sexual reset that offers mutual satisfaction in the actual world are considered. Articles discussed in the podcast included: "I Tried Having An Orgasm A Day for a Month -- And It Totally Changed My Sex Life" by Lisa Fogarty, Redbook, 11/25/2016 and "Who Orgasms M...
2022-05-0240 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeFight, Fix, or Flee?Send us a textKristy and Jerry look at 3 of the typical reactions to conflicts within relationships and wrestle with understanding the limitations of all of them. Can there be a different way? What does that look like and sound like?
2022-04-0546 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhy Do I Keep Throwing Gasoline on the Fire?Send us a textKristy & Jerry look at some ways that our failures to self-soothe and regulate our emotions impact relationships negatively. We illustrate with some tried-and-true roads to failure and then correct them, illustrating how differently it can be handled.
2022-03-1845 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifePorn & RelationshipsSend us a textIs viewing porn good for your relationship? Your sex-lives together? How do couples actually integrate it into their relational lives? Or do they not do that at all?Is there a serious downside to viewing porn? Or are the effects fairly benign?Are there certain realms, even in relationships, that are, or should be, for just you? Can any of this enhance your connection to your loved one? What are the pitfalls?Jerry and Kristy consider the effect of porn on relationships.
2022-02-2837 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeSexSend us a textKristy & Jerry take on the wonderfully volatile, rewarding and challenging topic of sex within relationships. What does sex, in relationships, bring up for us? How do we reconcile our own desires, or lack of desire, for, and with, our partner? And just exactly how good could it be? What would happen if we talked about these things outloud?
2022-01-2345 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhat Is A Healthy Relationship Anyway?Send us a textJoin Jerry and Kristy for the vivid experience of our first fight, with a great deal of perspective, laughter and alternative ways of handling things within a relationship identified.
2021-12-1147 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeI Just Happened To Look At His Phone And...Send us a textKristy & Jerry explore the idea of boundaries within relationships and the challenges that are brought to them by the ever-widening presence of technology in our lives. How much privacy should 1/2 of a couple be entitled to? Do you give up all privacy when you are married, or in a committed relationship? Should you?And how do boundaries interact with intimacy? Does it have to be one or the other?And what is the difference between relationship-breaking behaviors and those that invite repair which can lead to greater intimacy?
2021-11-2248 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeStep-Parenting: A Stranger in a Strange LandSend us a textJerry and Kristy consider the enormous challenges and complexities of one of the least-intuitive constructs humans have invented: The Blended Family. Step-parents, natural parents, step-children and children from the first (or second) marriage all seem to feel the challenges, in different ways, as it looks all-too-often impossible to successfully make this work. What can actually be done to improve our chances?
2021-10-1739 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeEmotional Affairs & InfidelitySend us a textWhat, exactly, constitutes an emotional affair? And is it really cheating? As long as you're not technically having sex isn't it kind of o.k.? And -- once discovered or divulged -- does it always have to signal the end of a marriage?In our 10th episode, Jerry and Kristy will consider....
2021-09-2042 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhy A Boot Camp Is For YouSend us a textJerry & Kristy talk about the weekend Relationship Boot Camps we run and ask the question: Why should you pay attention to THIS workshop? What's in it for you? And...your relationship? Visit https://loveworkrelationships.com/ for more information re: how to register
2021-09-0531 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeBe Right or Be HappySend us a textJerry & Kristy take a deep dive into one of the most notable of losing strategies that couples regularly deploy: Being Right. Where does this come from? Why do we keep doing it when it fails over and over to get us what we really want? And -- most importantly -- how else could we handle these moments?
2021-08-2545 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMy Divorce Story (Hers)Send us a textKristy talks about her divorce, looking back at some key elements of the past that were believed to be true at the time, but needed to change. The influence of family-of-origin, inherited beliefs about how a woman is supposed to be in a marriage, habit and fears are considered. The disequilibrium of the first year of divorce is explored, along with a path towards healing identified and discussed. The joy of a new relationship -- and new marriage -- is considered, along with how divorce changed her.
2021-07-1347 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMy Divorce Story (His)Send us a textJerry talks about his divorce, looking back at some key elements of the past that were believed to be true at the time, but needed to change. The influence of family-of-origin, inherited beliefs about how a man is supposed to be in a marriage, habit and fears are considered. The disequilibrium of the first year of divorce is explored, along with a path towards healing identified and discussed. The joy of a new relationship -- and new marriage -- is considered, along with how divorce changed him.
2021-07-1151 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeWhen Is A Relationship Over?Send us a textKristy & Jerry discuss those pivotal, painful questions that come when you look, with clarity, at what you've got going on your relationship, right now, today. Are there any signs it is getting better? Do I still even want it to? Do we have too many years of bad habits, neglect and poor communication? Would we be better off calling it quits and starting off with new people?Or do we just need to work harder? And how, exactly, do we begin to do that?See our website for more...
2021-07-0141 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeDancing In The DarkSend us a textJerry and Kristy discuss the dance(s) couples do with little awareness, almost on auto-pilot, leading to general dissatisfaction for both. Alternatives are considered.
2021-06-1435 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeActingSend us a textKristy & Jerry discuss the art of acting-in-relationships, and the toll this takes. Careful distinction is made between resisting the temptation to overshare and vent (in boundaryless fashion) and the absolute fakery that gets couples in big trouble.
2021-05-3132 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeRelationship MythsSend us a textKristy and Jerry dissect a few of the relationship myths we grew up believing and consider some healthier alternatives. For more info re: the Boot Camps we offer, and our services in general, please visit us at: https://loveworkrelationships.com/
2021-05-0819 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeMind Reading & Faulty RadarSend us a textKristy and Jerry discuss a few of the most traditional destined-to-fail strategies couples often employ and suggest some different approaches.
2021-04-2234 minLoveWork: Skills for a Relational LifeGreat ExpectationsSend us a textIn which the two of us consider the beautiful beginning phase of relationships and the rose-colored glasses that usually accompany it. Do you remember walking with your feet several inches off the ground? Or were your early days as a couple much more fraught, and cautious, than that? But still....the deliciousness that all-too-often gets buried beneath things that creep in later with couples...consider them again.
2021-04-1928 min
Showing UpRelationship Boot CampUtah couples therapist Kristy Gaisford, LCSW and I will be leading a Relationship Boot Camp on November 14th and 15th. We interview each other about what drew us to work with couples, the blessings and the challenges of the work and the how we integrate it into our personal lives. Go to http://www.thesandsoftime.net/workshop-events for detailed info re: the Boot Camp. Or register, directly, at: https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZ0lc--hqDIrGNdNhPl_74R1seaoCGpWbVJg
2020-10-1035 min