Shows
We'll Never be RoyalsS7: Ep 2 Lady Diana Spencer - the people’s princessWhen we hear Diana’s name we can’t help but sigh - how good would it have been to see her at the Coronation as Queen concert and what a prick Charles is for denying us what would have been the greatest fashion moment of her life. Anyway, we love Diana and reckon her impact on the modern monarchy is pretty large. Init? To find out more go and listen to this ep right now!2023-04-1038 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS6: We're Back from Maternity Leave!Mates. We did it! We pushed the humans out of our vagines and now we are back to chatting all things royals! This week we are doing a quick life update and then recapping all the royal stuff we have missed over the last few months. Have a listen!2022-07-2225 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Another Andrew update and season finale!So a lot has been happening in Royals world this week including Prince Andrew settling out of court on his rape charges. Also Queen Elizabeth has the rona *PLEASE NOTE: we recorded this episode prior to her diagnosis so keep your eye peeled on our socials for updated. Let's get into all the goss and recap of the whole Prince Andrew saga! Listen now!2022-02-2231 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - Pregnancy loss in the Royal family(*TRIGGER WARNING*). Hey mates. This week we go back through history and look at some of the women who experienced pregnacy loss within the Royal family and what that meant for them and their royal position. Look, it's pretty heavy, with some personal story shares from LK and Rossy, and a few LOL's thrown in but if you want to skip on past this one no one will be offended. Also we talk about Biz being exposed to #therona and if Charles did that on purpose!2022-02-1332 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Rates for Mates - 'Spencer'G'day mates. This week we are rocking a 'Rates for Mates' episode where we review the movie 'Spencer' starring Kristen Stewart. Find out the good bits, the bad bits and how many stars we give it. Listen now!2022-02-0826 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - The cutest Royal babies... according to us!After carful consideration we have complied a list of the cutest royal babies ever and on this weeks pod we reveal which royals made the list! We also chat about the Harry and Meghan Spotify deal and of course the latest with Prince Andrew and his demands for a jury at his upcoming US court case. Listen now!2022-01-3024 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Rumours - QandA with LK and RossyThis week LK and Rossy are answering all your Royal rumour questions. Including: did Kate wrongly tell Eugenie to come to an event in 'fancy dress' or did Harry accidentally piss himself one time when he had too many frothies at Adele's house? Find out which ones LK and Rossy think are true! Listen now.2022-01-2331 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: 2021 Royal ReviewWe're back! As we kick off 2022 the year of the Queen's Platinum (that means 70!) Jubilee we look back at what was Biz's equivalent of a shit show! We review all the Prince Andrew and Harry and Meg's drama, Kate's gold dress success and all those new Royal babes!2022-01-1528 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - The Kate Middleton hossy sitchuOK so back when Kate get pregnant with George, her tezz morning sickness was sending her to the hossy far too often and the media were on to her. So Buckingham Palace made an early announcement and then shit got real. Find out how an Aussie radio station went from bad to worse when they made a prank call to Kate. Listen now!2021-12-1919 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - Illegitimate children of the royalsMates. You know more than anything LK and Rossy love a bit of royal scandal and what better way to get that convo started than with an illegitimate child?! This week, we are talking about all the most scandalous kids that may or may not be royal. Featuring Secret Son Simon, Prince Harry and couple you've probably never even heard of! Listen now!2021-12-1020 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - Birthing TraditionsOh hey mate. This week we're lolling at how the royal family are actually lizard people with really weird traditions. Also we offer our best parenting advice yet. You're welcome!2021-12-0420 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Rates for Mates - Megs goes on EllenG’day mate. We are giving the Royal Babes a spell this week and rolling the old ‘Rates for Mates’ homie because Megs went on Ellen this week and gee whiz. Gee whiz. Listen to all our hot takes and our well thought out strategic plan to help Meghan never embarrass herself like this again. Listen now!2021-11-2426 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - Royal Family Tree RecapHey kids! You know how Town & Country like to write a killer article and then repurpose it 80000 times with new pictures and we love it so much? Well this week we're following their lead with another sneaky overview of Who's Who in the Royal Zoo. We'll cover all the cousin marriages. All of them!2021-11-1522 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - Leaving hossy outfitsHey babes. LK and Rossy have still got baby brain and all they can think about this week is the ever important leaving hossy outfits. Not theirs of course but those of the Royal family. Find out which of Kate’s outfits they reckon is the best and all their hot takes on Diana and Fergie’s 80’s maternity fashion choices. Go and have a listen.2021-11-0928 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS5: Royal Babes - The most notable NanniesWhackadoo mates so, LK and Rossy have some news! They are having twins, one each, due next year so because they are physically unable to think about anything else this season is going to be all about babies - Royal babies! Listen now for all the tea on the most notable Royal nannies.2021-11-0129 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Rates for Mates - 'Her heart for a compass' Sarah 'Fergie' FergusonAlright mates. It's here! Fergie's dirty novel has hit the shelves and LK and Rossy are giving it a review. Find out all the hot takes on the story and if Fergie should give up her day job - 'Storytime with Fergie and Friends' (a YouTube channel where she reads kids books to camera while probably drinking valium lattes), or not. Have a listen - also, it's the last ep of the season!!!2021-10-1118 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Catherine of Braganza (... and Kate wearing that gold sequin dress to the James Bond premiere!)So chances are you've never heard of Catherine from Braganza... but you should because she is ace as. A Portuguese royal who married an English King and introduced the Brits to tea drinking. Which makes her one of the most iconic Royals we've ever chatted about! AND the borough of Queens in New York is named after her AND she is generally just a champ of a royal. So much so, that LK and Rossy want to be mates with her. Find out more juicy stuff in this week pod. Listen now!2021-10-0325 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Elizabeth I (the virgin Queen)OK so Elizabeth I is the Queen who was allegedly a Virgin - no husbands, no kids! But as you know LK and Rossy love a conspiracy theory so there is a lot of chat about a secret son and and a potential affair with a mate who may or may not have pushed his wife down the stairs in an attempt to wife Elizabeth. Have a listen to find out more!2021-09-2624 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: War of the RosesSo this War of the Roses has nothing to do with gardens, garden parties, or anything else the current Royal family enjoys with commoners. This is all about a family rift that goes on way too long and there are far too many people named Ed. Have a listen to find out all the background on the War of the Roses.2021-09-2025 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Mary Queen of ScotsThis episode about Mary Queen of Scots is so good LK bumps her up the list of dead or alive dinner party guests. Find out why Mary had beef with her cousin Elizabeth I and the controversial scandal that is said to be the inspo for the plot of Hamlet. It is a really really good royal scandal (and you know how we love those!). Listen now.2021-09-1332 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Edward V (and his rotten Uncle Richard)While LK and Rossy have big plans this week which include baking Camilla's Victoria sponge and taking an Uber X to Monte Cito. But the main thing they are chatting about is Edward V and his rotten uncle Richard. This is right before the Tudor's take over the joint and poor Ed gets the rough end of the stick when his old man dies and his Uncle wants to be King. Listen now!2021-09-0724 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Rates for Mates 'The me you can't see'So LK and Rossy just wanted to do a fun light hearted episode this week, but turns Prince Harry and Oprah made a very intense tv series about mental health and there will be no LOL's had in this episode of 'Rates for Mates'. At least there is some good banter about the upcoming series of The Crown. Get in your ears!2021-08-2926 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: King Henry VIII (... the worst Royal ever)Henry VIII is well known for inventing his own church and beheading any wife unable to give birth to a male heir. But did you know he had an older brother who died in suspicious circumstances and he was the original cheerleader for divorced Cathy's? Listen now to find out more.2021-08-2326 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: King George IIISo if your only real knowledge of King George the III is from Hamilton the musical well you are in for a treat. This week LK and Rossy are heading back to the late 1700's to check out what is was like to be the King who lost America. Also they chat about the latest Prince Andrew drama and everything we know about the fact that he is (finally) getting sued. Listen now!2021-08-1524 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: Historical Royals - Anastasia, daughter of Tsar Nicholas II (who was a little bit shit)If like Rossy, you absolutely diddly squat about Anastasia, daughter of Tsar Nicholas II (who was a little bit shit), then you need to listen to LK explain all the things in an eloquent middle school teacher with some spunk kind of way. Find out why some woman in Poland pretended to be her and what the go is with all the movies/cartoons and Broadway shows, based on her life, are all about.2021-08-0827 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS4: The Firm... and a lot of chat about Kitty Spencer's WeddingMates, we are back from Summer Vacay ready to give you all the latest Royal tea! We have (somehow) made it to Season 4 (phwoar!) and plan having this season focus on 'Historical Royals', but you know how easy it is for LK and Rossy to get distracted. So this ep is all about 'The Firm' and 'The men in grey'. Find out what all that means!2021-08-0233 min
PolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Political jargon explained (... kind of)It's the season finale of Girl Power and because we have been talking a lot of jargon lately we wanted to explain some of the terms that may have had you thinking 'WTF?'. Dont worry us too! Find out the meaning of weird political terms like 'birhter', 'coalition' and all that jazz! Listen now. 2021-06-0829 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Helen ClarkeIt seems that LK and Rossy can't get enough of New Zealand and their sexy female leaders. This week, they venture back to the land of fair and the sheep to check out Helen Clarke and why she is so hot. Also find out what is happening with this Belarussian situ. Listen now! 2021-05-3124 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Martin Bashir and the season finaleWe've been hanging out for this Martin Bashir episode because he has been naughty and it's all just come out thanks to some bloke named Dyson and his investigation into that Diana interview. Find out how Marty B convinced Di to give him all the tea in the season 3 finale! Listen now!2021-05-2722 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Benazir BhuttoIf you don't know who Benazir Bhutto is then listen up. She was the first female to lead a muslim democratic nation and also has the 2nd best sunglasses collection in the world - next to Elton John. Find out when she was such a prominent figure in Pakistan and some speculation about who may be responsible for her assassination. Listen now! 2021-05-2415 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Rates for Mates - Armchair Expert Prince Harry interview... that's not an interviewFinally LK and Rossy are doing a Rate for mates ep cos we know how much you love our opinions especially about Royals and podcasts. This week we rate Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert podcast chat (that's not an interview) with the Duke of Sussex. Listen now!2021-05-1923 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Julia GillardG'day mates. This ep is all about Julia Gillard and what a top sheila she is! Find out what happens in Straya's most infamous leadership spill and why we love her way more than any other Aussie PM... especially K-Rudd. Listen now! 2021-05-1720 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Rose Hanbury - Marchioness of CholmondeleyWe're back on the royal adjacents' this week and if you assume any of the words in Roses's title are how you think you would pronounce them, you would be wrong! Rose has made headlines recently due to rumours of an affair with Prince William and you know this is the stuff LK and Rossy live for! Listen now2021-05-1521 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Margaret ThatcherThis week we venture back to the late 70's to when Margaret Thatcher was running the show in the UK to discover why she was so loved and so loathed. Maggie T fought hard to steer the UK through a shit show of an economy, a war and some unforgettable fashion choices. Listen now!2021-05-1120 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Meghan's baby showerOK we are not really throwing Meghan a baby shower but word on the street is she's either had the baby or is about to. So that can only mean one thing for LK and Rossy - speculation! Find out who thinks the baby is going to be named Carly and more in this weeks ep. Go listen!2021-05-0522 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Sanna MarinWe are off to Finland this week to stan the 35 year old female Prime Minister Sanna Marin. She's progressive, she's hot and she has a beaut pasta sauce recipe. Find out the only tiny bit of controversy she has ever face due to a low cut blazer. Listen now! 2021-05-0323 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Charles and Camilla's Secret Son SimonLK and Rossy are carrying on with these Royal conspiracy theories, this week by chatting about some bloke from Queensland who reckons he is Charles and Camilla's secret son. LK reckons it's utter rubbish, Rossy reckons it's 100% legit. Also lots of banter re: their first ever sponsored content opportunity! Have a listen to form your own opinion!2021-04-3019 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Angela MerkleThe mutti of Germany, Angela Merkle is the current Chancellor and as we learn is this week episode the boss of Europe. LK and Rossy discover how Angela rose to the top of german politics by keeping her nose clean while her male work mates were being naughty and having beers with the Popo. Listen now!2021-04-2621 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Queen Biz's Birthday Bash and Royal Conspiracy TheoriesAfter a few hectic weeks of serious royal happenings LK and Rossy wanted to throw a Birthday Bash for Biz's 95th Birthday... but somehow they fall down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole and they're equal parts sorry and chuffed with themselves for producing this level of content. Happy Birthday Biz and go and listen!2021-04-2120 minPolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Aung San Suu KyiRemember that time we were locked in our homes for a couple of weeks during peak pando times? Well, imagine that beginning the situ for years and years and years just because you were being a democratic hero? In this weeks Girl Power ep we are talking about Myanmar's Aung San Suu Kyi and all the things that have happened to her including recently being cancelled. Listen now!2021-04-1925 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Everything you need to know about Prince Philip's funeral... before the funeralAs the world mourns the death of Phil the Greek, LK and Rossy have been busy finding out everything you need to know about Prince Philip's funeral, before the funeral. Find out some wild royal mourning traditions and LK discovers a tribe in Vanuatu - who think Prince Philip is an actual god! Listen now!2021-04-1418 min
PolliwaffleS2 Girl Power: Jacinda ArdernLight a fire and burn your bra! In season 2 of Polliwaffle, we're having mad chats about female leaders around the world. For better and sometimes worse, sisters are doing it for themselves ... and everyone else. First up we are fan girling the current Prime Minister of New Zealand - Jacinda Ardern!2021-04-1222 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Pippa ( ...with the good butt!)Back in your ears with more royal adjacent peeps, and we may have peaked with the future Queen's little sister - Pippa! What a gem. Find out about the time Pippa dated a gun owner and enjoy the moment when LK tries to compare being a hedge fund manager to baking bread. It's a real treat! You know what to do - go listen!2021-04-0820 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: America reacts to the Oprah #megxit interviewMates. We don't want to talk this ep up too much ... BUT, this is the best ep yet. This week LK and Rossy are joined by Producer Rob to chat about how America reacted to the Harry and Meghan Oprah interview. They also have some hot takes from some of their American mates and gee-whiz they have some opinions. Go listen now! Like right now!2021-04-0220 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: The British Royal Family RulesSo if we have learnt nothing else form the Oprah #Megxit interview it's that the British Royal family are all about the rules. Always curtsey to Queen Biz and never ever walk in front of her as well as the fashion guidelines and the famous 'no tights' wedding fued between Kate and Meghan. There are so many of them and we want to know what they are! Listen now to find out some of them anyway!2021-03-2421 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Rates for Mates: Oprah interviews Harry and MegsWhat a ripper week it's been in royal news! The only royal commentator who is not happy about it is Martin Bashir who has been knocked off the podium for best royal tea spill ever. Oprah did not disappoint when she sat down with Harry and Megs and while LK is equal parts satisfied and disappointed, Rossy has a lot of Piers Morgan themed opinions. Have a listen!2021-03-1034 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Sophie - Countess of WessexThis episode we chat all things Sophie - Countess of Wessex. Previously we have steered clear of Sophie and Edward, due to their dutiful boredom - BUT we actually find a tiny bit of scandal about Soph, so get it in your ears! (Also, don't say anything about this episode being 5 days late - Rossy's brain was not in a service area before going on leave).2021-03-0722 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Chelsy Davy (... the one who used to date prince Harry)G'day fans! We are a couple of eps into season 3 but have finally landed on the focus on this season and it's all those people who you kind of know are related to the British Royal family, but can't remember why. You might say they are 'royal adjacent'..? Anyway this ep is all about the true love of Harry's life Chelsy Davy. Have a listen!2021-02-2618 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Rates for Mates: The Royal Family Youtube (... and Megs IS preg!)In today's episode, we talk a lot about Meghan and Harry's baby announcement. We, like the rest of the world, are very excited and speculating about gender a due date! Also, we are doing a 'Rates for Mates' on The Royal Family Youtube channel. Have a listen!2021-02-1621 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Prince Andrew update #4627839So we are giving you yet another Prince Andrew update because we know you love it and let's face it - we it's the best royal scandal ever. Find out what Air Miles Andy might be facing in the coming months and the latest on Ghislaine Maxwell. Also, our mate Karen joins us again for her thoughts as a former Chicagoan prosecutor. It's pretty juicy - so have a listen.2021-02-0919 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS3: Charles and Diana's wedding - with Karen KerbisRighto you lot - we are back! And we are kicking off season 3 with a ripper episode all about the 1981 royal nuptials. Charles and Diana's wedding was easily the best thing about the 80's, so LK and Rossy have a cuppa and a chat with Karen Kerbis - who went to London to witness the future King tie the knot with Lady Di ...even though she wasn't invited. Find out all the best bits about being in London for the wedding of the century! Listen now!2021-02-0239 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Royal Christmas SpecialBreak out the 'Tia Maria' and pour yourself of Christmas cheer because it's the Christmas Special! LK and Rossy are chatting all thing British Royals crimbo. Where they go, what they do and who gets pissed and passes out before the Chrissy pud. Well, Merry Christmas and go listen.2020-12-1019 min
We'll Never be RoyalsSPECIAL EDITION: The best bits of 'We'll Never be Royals'Today, we are giving you all the best bits from the last 2 seasons. Including royal news, 'Rates for Mates', the LOLs, and even some personal overshares. We’ll be back next week with the Season 2 finale Christmas Special. Hope you enjoy our best bits! Have a listen.2020-12-0417 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Rates for Mates - 'The Crown, Season 4'SOILER ALERT! If you are yet to binge the entire 4th season of 'The Crown' and don't want us to give away the ending then keep on scrolling. But if you're keen to know all the best and worst bits of the latest TV production of the Windsor/Mountbatten royals in the 80's then have a listen! It's a ripper.2020-11-2622 min
PolliwaffleS1: The Cold War explainedIn the season finale of 'What the Dick(tator)? LK and Rossy deliver an explainer ep all about the Cold War. Find out who were the main players, how long it went for and where LK would take the Cold War on a first date. Listen now! 2020-11-2223 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: #MegsforPrez - Campaign reality with ClarkySPECIAL EPISODE WITH GUEST: Sam 'Clarky' Clark. This week we find out if Meg's 2024 presidential campaign is actually a reality with US political tragic Sam Clark. LK and Rossy ask heaps of questions about #MegsforPrez - including who can give her cash to campaign, would US Vice President elect Kamala Harris consider her a running mate and does Megs need to get her arse into gear. Listen now!2020-11-1922 minPolliwaffleS1: Saddam HusseinLK and Rossy are all about a slimmed down, fly by the seat of your pants review of history. But in this episode they promise to give you all the good bits about Saddam Hussein and how he changed from a school teacher/romance novelist to dictator. Listen now to find out all the deets. 2020-11-1628 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: 'The Crown Season 4' hype reelRighto shut up a minute, because LK and Rossy are getting hyped about The Crown season 4 dropping on Netflix Nov 15th - and so should you! Find out all the things you need and want to know about season 4 before you can binge the entire season. But mainly - get excited because... it's Diana's wedding! Listen now!2020-11-1218 minPolliwaffleS1: Benito MussoliniIn this episode Rossy does a Contiki tour of Italy with a World War 2 themed mission featuring the inventor of fascism: Mussolini. Find out why Benito was determined to create the ideal Italian man, how he became mates with Hitler and the book sales from his romantic novel. There is also a cameo appearance from 'Producer Rob'! Have a listen. 2020-11-0830 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Is Megs Preg?The internet is swirling with speculation that Meghan Markle is currently pregnant. From the court case reschedule, to all the loose fitting outfits and even Williams secret rona infection. Find out how Rossy has pieced together all this information to reach a almost certain up the duff conclusion. Listen now to get all the deets.2020-11-0523 minPolliwaffleS1: Fidel CastroSome people say he was a champ others say he was a jerk, but he's leadership style definetly lends itself to: 'Dictator'. Find out how he created a beaut health care and education system and that one time he almost nuked the yanks. Discover why Cuban's eat so many eggs and all the details of her 1st date with Castro. Listen now2020-11-0125 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: British Royal Family pando times updateIf you've been wondering what all the British Royals (and British Royal defectors) have been up to during pando, we have all the news. LK's got a list including the York's, the Cambridges and of course those North American scallywags the Sussex's. Discover the latest baby, jewellery and Prince Andrew FBI investigation news in this week's ep!2020-10-2923 minPolliwaffleS1: Pol PotOn this weeks dictators menu we have Pol Pot. As we venture to Southeast Asia we learn all about the Khmer Rouge, the Cambodian genocide and LK's recommendations for booze purchases while on a bus tour from Thailand. Rossy takes a strategic approach to her 1st date with Pol Pot scenario and ends up saving the nation (...hypothetically). Listen now!2020-10-2524 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - SwazilandIn this week's episode LK tells us the secret to an informed life is knowing how to set up a Google alert. Rossy takes us to Swaziland and discovers the royal family there is full of yikes and they do bad things. Also, Megs is wearing Diana's Cartier watch now and please can we get a full itemised list of all the hand-me-down jewellery Harry has got his hands on? Listen now to hear more royal things!2020-10-2320 minPolliwaffleS1: Joseph StalinThis week LK and Rossy head to the soviet block and they meet one of the most terrifying humans to ever walk this earth. While Joseph Stalin's moustache game is strong he could do with some PD when it comes to leadership and mass murder. Find out why Stalin never became a priest or a weather man and other fun facts including where LK would take him for a 1st date. Listen now! 2020-10-1928 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - MalaysiaWhile this episode is largely about the wild story of the current numero uno Malaysian Sultan and his multiple marriages LK and Rossy also give us a #megsforprez update. Find out why Meghan and Harry having a meal with David Foster and Katharine McPhee is problematic. Listen now! 2020-10-1519 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Rates for Mates - 'Diana - Her True Story, in her own words'PSA: LK and Rossy are launching a new pod titled 'What the Dick(tator') all about dictators. Also they are currently ticking off '1st merch venture' off the Trello board, but they are still also banging on about royals. This week they (almost) read Andrew Morton's Diana biography first published in 1992. Find out if you should (almost) read it too! Listen now.2020-10-1021 minPolliwaffleS1: Vladimir PutinIn this episode LK finds out what it's like to live like Vladimir Putin and how the Russian president worked his way from poverty to the Kremlin. Rossy discovers that playing the 'First Dates' game with LK will ultimately always end with a topless horseback ride. Get it in your ears! 2020-10-0626 minPolliwaffleS1: Ferdinand and Imelda MarcosWe have turned our pando/iso lives into a Trello board full of productivity to create a brand new pod all about dictators! We kick off season one with Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos who we discover are all about style, ambition and stealing money! Find out why there is more to Imelda than just shoes and how Ferdinand may have invented the sex tape scandal! Listen now. 2020-10-0633 minPolliwaffleS1: Kim Jong IlWhat do nuclear bombs, kidnapping and Dennis Rodman have in common? That's right North Korea! This week we discover that not much good ever comes from North Korea, but they do have a ripper black market. We also find out all about Rossy's imaginary first date with Kim Jong Il and more learnings from LK's year 11 International studies class. Listen now! 2020-10-0638 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Meghan for President..?As the US election debates kick off this week, LK and Rossy are piecing together any kind of evidence that leads to an eventual Meghan Markle presidential campaign. Stand by for lots of opinions about how the Sussex’s would look in the Whitehouse and unexpected excitement/criticism about the upcoming Netflix content set to be spewing out of Hollywood momentarily. It’s going to be great and so is this episode. Listen now. Right now.2020-10-0118 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - MoroccoWhile Harry and Meghan have been busy convincing Americans to vote in the upcoming US election, LK and Rossy have discovered an YouTUbe vid that is just members of the British monarchy having a dance and it’s amazing. Rossy also takes us on a brief uneventful trip to Morocco this week which is great for those of us effected by the COVID-19 travel restrictions. Listen now!2020-09-2519 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Rates for Mates - 'Harry and Meghan: An African Journey'We bring you another Rates for Mates episode (despite LK always calling it ‘Mates Rates’) covering the 2019 doco ‘Harry and Meghan: An African Journey’. Even though Rossy has experienced ‘The great Meghan turn around of 2020’ in this episode she returns with a lot of opinions on Meghan and her destroying the British monarchy. LK has a more balanced view of the publicly funded trip to Africa but is unimpressed with the number of costume changes and general lack of sequins. Have a listen!2020-09-1824 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - JordanThis week LK and Rossy head to the Kingdom of Jordan… by the way this has nothing to do with Michael Jordan. We find out a little bit about current monarch King Abdullah II and his beautiful wife, and a lot about his late father King Hussein and all of his marriages! Get it in your ears.2020-09-1119 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - JapanThis week LK and Rossy go on a trip to Japan to discover a tiny bit about the Emperor despite the press black out on them. Find out why we know so little about them and the measures the current monarch took to marry his commoner wife. Speaking of commoners... LK also gives us a #megxit update and Rossy takes yet another opportunity to mention Fred and Mary from Denmark. Have a listen!2020-09-0422 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: Rates for Mates - 'Finding Freedom'It’s finally here! The episode we have all been waiting for Rates for Mates: 'Finding Freedom'. In this episode LK and Rossy give you all their hot takes re: Meghan and Harry’s romance their journey to #megxit and what happens now they have found freedom. Listen now!2020-08-2825 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - ThailandThis week Rossy fantasises about potentially becoming a Thai royal herself while looking into King Vajiralongkorn's dirty laundry and his lavish lifestyle. LK finds an article made up of Royal members publicly crying - collated by the good people at Hello magazine. They have chats about Megxit guilt since reading the newly released 'Finding Freedom and try to limit their opinions for once. Have a listen!2020-08-2023 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS2: World Royals - BruneiAnd just like Slim Shady, LK and Rossy are BACK with Season Two of We'll Never be Royals. We know, it’s exciting. This season we'll be checking out Royals from all over the world and we kick off with Brunei. Apart from the devastating news of Air Brunei being a dry airline we discover this small country is pretty yikes when it comes to progress. The Sultan is into some vintage shit and as the absolute power he gets away with it all. Have a listen to get all the deets!2020-08-1420 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - NorwaySo we’ve made our way through Europe and have ended up in Norway for the season one finale of We’ll Never be Royals. Luckily the Norwegians are heaps fun and for shits and giggles LK and Rossy have another burl at Cruise Marry Shag but only half arse the Quiz, because, we’re not going to lie - it’s a bastard to edit. Listen now!2020-07-2625 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - AndorraIf you, like us, have never heard of the European Kingdom of Andorra, well listen up. Because there is lots to learn and plenty of time to Google images of the French president Emmanuel Macron, who is the Co-Chair/Prince of Andorra. Have a listen and it will all make sense. Also, Rossy has outdone herself this week with her self assigned research on the ‘imaginary’ kingdom of Tavolara. It’s a ripper!2020-07-1916 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Prince Andrew - Part TwoBecause you lot loved the Prince Andrew first episode so much we’ve decided to give you a follow up ep and spill the tea on how much strife he’s in now Ghislane Maxwell is in the slammer. Find out if we reckon Prince Andrew is up shit creek without a paddle or if the authorities will do diddly squat. Listen now!2020-07-1323 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - LiechtensteinAs we near the end of our Euro adventure we stumble upon the tiny yet scandalous Kingdom of Liechtenstein. Current monarch Hans-Adam is the richest monarch in Europe and he has some naughty ways of maintaining that title. You'll hear all about it in this pod!2020-07-0920 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Rates for Mates - The Heir AffairGuys we're doing minisodes now and we are rating books and documentaries and tv shows and any other stuff about Royals. This episode is all about a beaut new novel about a fictional British Royal family drama (including an American) the book is titled The Heir Affair written by the Go Fug Yourself girls Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan. Have a listen to find out what we reckon.2020-07-0617 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - SpainAnd we’re off; to the land of big castles and even bigger tax evasion. It’s Spain Week! How about you pour yourself a sangria and pop this ep in your ears then?2020-07-0116 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - DenmarkThis episode LK and Rossy gush over the real life fairytale love story of Crown Prince Fred of Denmark and his beautiful Aussie born wife Mary. Find out why these two are so adorable and how you too might be able to meet at Prince at a Pub. We discover the only mildly scandalous thing they have ever done and more fun facts about Fred’s Mum the Queen and illustrator of ‘Lord of the Rings'. Have a listen.2020-06-2327 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - BelgiumLK and Rossy are sticking to the two-parters with another instalment of Euro Royals. This episode is set in the European country of Belgium. The mainly boring, but also very scandalous, land of waffles and fries. Find out why Rossy wasn’t able to deliver this royal investigation and had to handball it to LK. Also why she’s not as excited about Prince Andrew’s chat with the FBI. Get it in your ears!2020-06-1819 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - NetherlandsWe’re all about space cakes and windmills this week, kids; it’s time to take a trip to the Netherlands! LK and Rossy also kick off the episode with a quick quiz because who cares about formats and consistency?! Discover yet another Royal family - Hitler connection and how not to pronounce anything in Dutch. Do listen though, OK?2020-06-1019 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - LuxembourgLK and Rossy continue their venture through the Euro Royals lives and head to Luxembourg this episode to discover, well not that much actually, about the very well behaved Grand Ducal family. But fear not, Rossy still has Megxit rage and LK discovers some letters Queen Biz wrote to the Australian government in 1975 are going to be released for public consumption. Have a listen!2020-06-0521 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - MonacoPart Two of Euro Royals is all about the Grimaldi’s of Monaco and Grace Kelly. The beautiful American actress who gave up her dreams and ambitions to be a dutiful public figure in Monaco. This family is romantic and scandalous and rich, and none of them ever decided to step down as senior members of the family. See, dutiful. Also LK and Rossy also give us the world’s longest quick quiz… as usual! Listen now!2020-05-2625 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Euro Royals - SwedenLK and Rossy are sick of the Brits and are now focussing their attention on other nations, kicking off with the Euro royal families. This episode will be distributed in two parts because basically, LK rabbited on for way too long for it to be one. Discover all about the Swede’s royal-ness and as always a few other unrelated useless facts. Get it in your ears!2020-05-1923 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: The British Royal Family - ExplainedWell kids, it’s the ep we’ve all been waiting for - the one where LK and Rossy attempt to explain the ins and outs of British Royal life, despite limited research skills and sometimes uncontrollable rage at certain members of the family. Lol. Listen now!2020-05-1341 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: MegxitWant to know the reason for Megxit and all the factors leading up to Harry and Meghan’s decision to leave the Royal family? Yeah..? So do we! This week LK and Rossy are chatting Megxit and a lot about Meghan’s life before she met Harry. They also discuss how Harry feels about his Mum and William and why on earth Meghan joined the most traditional family in the world despite being a progressive, independent, self made woman. Rossy also discovers why she is so irritated by Meghan and is stitched up yet again by the world’s most embarr...2020-05-0635 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Princess DianaLK and Rossy have bitten off more than they can chew this week thinking they were going to be able to cover every Diana scandal in a 40 minute podcast. Ppfft. What a bunch of idiots. However, a lot of conspiracy theories are covered in this ep including Squidgygate, James Hewitt, Dodi Al Fayed and that other bloke was in love with. We absolutely do not mean Charles. Anyway, get it in your ears. Here we go!2020-04-2844 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Princess MargaretWe’ve finally arrived at Princess Margaret week and this ep is a rippa. So now you can find out all about Margaret and why everyone wants to be her! Not only does she know how to dress and drink she is also very good at dating high profile lovers in a low profile way. Except that one time she was photographed at her home in Mustique with a bloke 17 years her junior, while she was married. Oops! Anyway who cares, LK and Rossy discover some truth about Margot’s misspent youth and her well spent champagne budget. Listen now!2020-04-2141 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Duchess SarahIt’s Fergie week and LK is trying really hard not to fangirl the entire episode but it’s really hard when Fergie has done so much fun stuff. Duchess Sarah refuses to leave us alone even after divorcing the Royal family in 1996 and we are all about it. We discover how Fergie has kept busy over the last few decades by selling Prince Andrew for tabloid fame and being a spokesperson for Weight Watches. Rossy stitches up LK with a tezz Cruise, Marry, Shag and the internet could only come up with one Quiz on Fergie and LK gets ever...2020-04-1442 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Queen Elizabeth and Prince PhillipSo, Rossy thinks Queen Biz and Prince Phil need to kick the bucket before we get any real goss on them. But, there is already so much we do know about them and their Royal lyfe. That’s why there is a whole episode about them! Find out where all the bling in Biz’s engagement ring comes from and why Prince Phillip may well be the inventor of the Dad joke! Of course LK continues to interrupt and ask Rossy questions she doesn’t know the answers to! The internet facilitates a Quick (but not) Quiz and Cruise, Marry, Shag s...2020-04-0836 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Queen VictoriaLK’s only job this week is to make Rossy fall in love with Queen Victoria, and spoiler alert - she does! We find out Queen Vicky is the reason everyone wears a white wedding dress and also why we vote for our nation's leaders using a secret ballot. She was also almost murdered eight times, loved her husband a lot and wore big knickers! But who cares cos she was legit a KWEEN! Obvi we do a Quiz and play Cruise, Marry, Shag. Get in your ears.2020-03-3049 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: King David and WallisSo this episode is meant to be about King David but TBH it’s all about Wallis. Her life, her marriages, her attempt to stuff up the Royal family and her love of pugs. Also she was such a sexy minx she made her lover abdicate and that is worth making a podcast about. Of course we have a Quick, but not, Quiz and Cruise, Marry, Shag continues to be the best thing about LK and Rossy’s internet fame. Anyway, just have a listen!2020-03-2540 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Prince AndrewThis week LK and Rossy are taking a look into Prince Andrew’s life… and it’s a doozy! Dodgy mates, shonky deals and a plethora of news reports on his association with Jeffrey Epstein. But it’s not all bad news because the best thing about Prince Andrew is his daughter Beatrice’s hats. Cruise, Marry, Shag and the Quick (but not really) Quiz also get a run. Get it in your ears!2020-03-1840 min
We'll Never be RoyalsS1: Charles and CamillaAnd we’re back. LK and Rossy have had the longest summer ever but have now returned to the internet airwaves with a brand new series ‘We’ll never be Royals’. Because, well the British Royal family drama is juicy af... and quite frankly neither of them will ever be able to 'Meghan Markle' their way into a Royal family of any kind. So here we are again, chatting shit about royalty and getting all judgy on #megxit. First up, we spill the tea on Charles and Camilla. Get it in your ears!2020-03-0941 min