Shows
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar," May 2, 2025What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast. Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar We both have mindfulness jars on our desks and use them regularly in our coaching practices. And Holly used to use hers in her previous career as a grade school teacher. They are helpful in so many situations. And you can easily make one for yourself—do a quick online search, and you will find many suggestions. If the con...2025-05-0211 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastMaking Time for Joy, March 14, 2025What follows is our weekly Wellness Compass column. This column is sent out by email each Friday, and our podcast each week addresses the same topic as the column. Making Time for Joy We both started music lessons a few weeks ago for instruments that are new for each of us. Holly is taking ukulesle lessons, and Scott is taking bluegrass fiddle lessons. We had been saying we were going to do this for a long time, and now that we are enjoying it so much, we wonder why we waited so long. Ma...2025-03-1411 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"The Stories We Tell Ourselves," February 27, 2025What follows is the weekly column called the Wellness Compass that addreses the same topic each week as our weekly podcast. The Stories We Tell Ourselves Human beings are natural storytellers. This weekend, the Oscars will celebrate the gifted storytellers who have shared their stories through film this year. This column is about wellness, not movie reviews (although we both loved A Complete Unknown), so we would like to reflect on storytelling from a mental health perspective. Have you ever found yourself convinced that someone was upset with you, only to later find o...2025-02-2811 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Some Advice Teens Gave Us About Mental Health, Love, and Valentine’s Day," February 13, 2025What follows is our Weekly Wellness Compass column on this same topic. The column is sent out every Friday morning by email. Some Advice Teens Gave Us About Mental Health, Love, and Valentine’s Day This Tuesday, I, Holly, had the privilege of spending my day in a combined Middle and High School (Turner MS/HS in Beloit, WI) for their annual Mental Health Awareness Day. During this Valentine’s week, everyone school-wide had set the day aside to focus on supporting student mental health by engaging in several different relaxing activities, engaging in gro...2025-02-1412 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Three Rs for Growing Resilience"What follows is the Wellness Compass Column that Holly and Scott write each week as a companion to this podcast. Three Rs for Growing Resilience Resilience is the capacity to respond to and recover from stressful events. Research on resilience has revealed that it is not simply something we have or don’t have. What has been discovered is that several key factors—including the choices we can make and habits we can nurture—determine our capacity to be resilient. In our work as therapists and in our persona...2025-01-2411 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastStrengthening and Stretching Our Gratitude Muscles, Nov 15 2024What follows is our Weekly Wellness Compass column that is a companion to this podcast. It is sent out every Friday by email. You can subscribe at our website: www.WellnessCompass.org Strengthening and Stretching Our Gratitude Muscles We recently watched a video by a fitness trainer who repeated the phrase “use it or lose it” several times. She was talking about how if we don’t regularly use and stretch our muscles, they will gradually lose their strength and flexibility. In this month of November, when we commonly focus on giving thanks, we thought...2024-11-1010 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Love Is Greater than Fear", S. 4, Episode 10What follows is the Wellness Compass weekly column that is emailed every Friday morning. The topic of the column and the podcast are always related. Love Is Greater than Fear We love to spend time in the wilderness, as we love the quiet and spiritual nourishment we receive by being in nature. Several years ago, we were canoeing in Quetico Provincial Park in Ontario, Canada, a remote park accessible only by canoe. We remember well an experience we had one stormy day. Having awoken early, we were deciding whether it was safe to spe...2024-11-0610 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Normalizing Life's Ups and Downs," Season 3, Episode 29 What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. "The journey to mental health and wellness begins with normalizing the ups and downs, the highs and lows, as essential parts of the human experience." This week I (Holly) had the honor of participating in a Mental Health Resource Fair at a local Wisconsin combined public middle and high school in the district of Beloit-Turner. Before becoming a therapist fifteen years ago, I spent many ye...2024-04-2510 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Balance As a Verb," Season 3, Episode 21, 2/23/24The two of us recently had the opportunity to be guest presenters at classes on wellness coaching at the University of Wisconsin, here in the state capitol of Madison, where we live. We are honored to be working with the university to develop a student peer wellness coaching program that is partially based on the resources we have created. One of the things we enjoyed discussing with the students last week was how hard it is to change habits. It became clear that this is not just true for those of us in the second half of li...2024-02-2210 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Both Sides Now," Season 3, Episode 20, Feb. 16, 2024Joni Mitchell has always been one of our favorite musicians, so we smiled when, while facilitating our six-week Parent Wellness Circle program, one mom in the group quoted Joni's most well-known song, "Both Sides Now." She was saying how when her kids were young, and she and her partner were overwhelmed with the day-to-day stresses of parenting, they would often dream of the freedom that would come one day when their children grew up and left home. Now that that day is coming and the last child is about to move out, she wishes she could slow things down...2024-02-1611 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Growing Our Relationships," Season 3, Episode 19Growing Our Relationships Are you looking for a last-minute Valentine's Day gift for someone special to you? Read on for a recommendation for a gift that will not cost you a penny but will require something else from you instead. The quote in the box above, "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional," from author John Maxwell, is one of our favorites. Maxwell writes leadership books, so it is natural that the wisdom of this quote is something he often applies to organizations and businesses. In honor of Valentine's Day approaching, though, we...2024-02-0913 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Whatever We Pay Attention To Is What Will Grow," Season 3, Episode 18People across the United States have been experiencing extreme winter weather lately. There have been tornadoes, heavy rains, bitter cold, ice storms, strong winds, and record snow storms. We know this as we have been running Zoom Wellness Circles lately with people living through all of these different types of weather. We have people from VA, WI, NY, CA, NC, OR, FL, MD, and UT in one we are running now, and everyone is talking about the challenging weather they are experiencing this winter. One group member shared the quote, "If you choose not to fi...2024-01-2609 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastF.A.I.L.--First Attempt In LearningF.A.I.L.—A New Mindset We have been taking Spanish lessons for the last several years. There has been progress occasionally, but more often than not, it has been an ongoing lesson in humility. And as it turns out, this might be the most important lesson of all. One of the biggest obstacles we have had to overcome is our desire to quickly “get it right.” Just as we begin to feel comfortable with a new milestone we have achieved, we are humbled once again as we take on a new to...2024-01-1811 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Replacing Judgment with Curiosity," Episode 60Scott talks about how he has found that when he seeks to replace judgment with curiosity, it helps emotional, relational, and spiritual wellbeing. He also talks about how growning up with a lot of judgment this is an ongoing practice for him. Practice makes progress, not perfection.2024-01-1807 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"The New Elimination Diet," Season 3, Episode 16We love inspiring quotes. We value them so highly that we invite participants in our six-week Wellness Circle programs to select and share a quote with their group, one that will serve as a guide or a “compass” for the goals they set for themselves in their circle. Some participants turn their quotes into bookmarks or put them on Post-it notes and stick them in places where they will see them regularly. In that spirit, today, we are going to share one of the quotes one of our participants shared in a Wellness Circle a few mo...2024-01-1210 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Grounding Growth in Self-Compassion," Season 3, Episode 15In this first episode of 2024, Holly and Scott share that many New Year's resolutions fail because they are grounded in self-criticism. They then tell us how to ground any desires we have to grow in change in self-compassion. 2024-01-0510 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"The Gift of Presence," S. 3, Ep. 14One of the greatest gifts we can give to one another during the holidays, or any time of year, is the gift of our presence. In this episode Holly and Scott share some stories of when they have received the gift of presence and remind us all to be aware and intentional about how we can offer that gift to others. 2023-12-2110 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"On the Necessity of Snow Angels," Season 3, Ep. 13In this episode, Holly and Scott share their thoughts in reaction to this beautiful poem called "On the Necessity of Snow Angels for the Well-Being of the World" by Grace Butcher. Here is the full text of the poem: Wherever there is snow, I go, making angels along the way Luckily angels have no gender and are easier to make than you might think. All you have to do is let go, fall on your back, look up at the s...2023-12-1510 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastTending, Mending, and Bending.Continuing their series on proactively caring for our wellbeing during the holidays, Holly and Scott talk about how we can take the opportunity this time of year to strenghten our relationships. Few things affect our wellbeing more than the state of our relationships.2023-12-0510 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Honoring All the Emotions of the Holidays," S. 3 Ep. 11The pressure around the holiday season to have the "best holiday ever" can cause us to ignore the full range of complicated emotions we often feel this time of year. In this episode, Holly and Scott discuss the importance of caring for our emotional wellbeing this time of year. They also reflect on a poignant commercial they saw recently that helps bring to life what they are talking about. You can find that commercial at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnZGEUA4oBk2023-12-0109 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastKeeping Your Glasses CleanSmall daily habits make a difference. For example, every morning, we both clean our glasses. It’s just something we do as part of our morning routine. Doing so allows us to see the world a little more clearly. If we miss a day, we probably won’t notice it that much, but if missing a day turned into missing a week, our view of things would undoubtedly become a bit clouded. Practicing gratitude is like this. Practicing it each day allows us to see the world more clearly. Neglecting to do so over time clouds our visi...2023-11-1010 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastKindness is Your Superpower, S. 3 Ep 9In this episode Holly and Scott talk about the power of being kind. If you ever doubt the power of kindness, you can quickly become reassured of the difference it makes by trying it. Make an effort to say a kind word to someone today. You might call someone who could use a kind word, send an email, or text to someone who could use some encouragement. Or you could make a meal for a friend, help a neighbor with a chore, or volunteer your time to a cause that is important to you. Create some words...2023-11-0311 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastCuriosity and Wellbeing, S. Ep 9Most likely, we have all had the experience of negatively judging someone else's behavior and then wholly changing our opinion after we later learned more about the context or background of the person and the behavior we had judged. Maybe we regarded someone as being rude for coming late or unprepared to a meeting, only to find out later that they are a caregiver for a loved one and are overwhelmed in ways that we had no idea about when we formed our opinion. When we are willing to slow our initial reactions long enough to be curious, we...2023-10-2710 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastPractice the Pause, S.3, Ep. 7Practice the Pause Have you ever sent a text message or email when you were upset, only to regret doing so? If so, you know firsthand how important it can be to remember to "practice the pause." The word we are focusing on in this week's column and podcast is “pause.” We like concentrating on a single word because that makes it easy for us to carry it with us throughout our week, reminding us to pause, reflect, and make more deliberate decisions. This simple yet profound concept is at the core of enhan...2023-10-1909 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Living with Intention, " S 3 Ep 6What follows is a transcription of this week's Wellness Compass podcast episode. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen. Holly: Welcome to the Wellness Compass podcast. I'm Holly Hughes Stoner, and I'm here today with my husband Scott. And we are the co-directors of the Wellness Compass Initiative. You can find out more at Wel...2023-10-1310 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Awareness is a Cornerstone of Wellbeing," S3 Ep 5What follows is a transcription of this week's 10-minute Wellness Compass podcast episode. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen. Holly: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass podcast. I am Holly Hughes Stoner, and I'm here with my husband, Scott Stoner. We're here each and every week to help all of us think about wh...2023-10-0610 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Be Brave Enough to Take the Initiative," Season 3, Episode 4What follows is a transcription of this week's 10-minute Wellness Compass podcast episode. We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE to listen to it on our website. (You can also listen in any podcast app, Apple, Google, Spotify, by searing for Wellness Compass--and be sure to subscribe.) Holly: Welcome back to the The Wellness Compass podcast. My name is Holly Hughes Stoner and I'm here today with my husband, Scott Stoner. We are both marriage and family therapists and we spend our time both in o...2023-09-2910 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Without a Compass, We Are More Likely to Get Lost," Season 3, Episode 3What follows is a transcription of this week's 10-minute Wellness Compass podcast episode. We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE to listen to it on our website. (You can also listen in any podcast app, Apple, Google, Spotify, by searing for Wellness Compass--and be sure to subscribe.) Scott: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass podcast. My name is Scott Stoner, and you'll be hearing from Holly, my partner in life and work, in just a moment. This is episode three of season three, Episode 79 since we...2023-09-1910 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Wellness" Season 3, Episode 2Please note: What follows is a transcription of this week's Wellness Compass podcast episode entitled "Learn." We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen. Holly: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass podcast. I am Holly Hughes Stoner, and I...2023-09-1410 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Learn," Season 3, Episode 1 Please note: What follows is a transcription of this week's Wellness Compass podcast episode entitled "Learn." We invite you to listen to this ten-minute episode by clicking the player graphic above or by clicking HERE. Listening gives the full experience of the emotions and tone of what is being said, which is difficult to capture in a transcription. The spoken word is different than the written word. We are happy to provide this transcript for those who prefer to read rather than listen. Scott: Welcome back to the Wellness Compass Podcast, episode one of s...2023-09-0610 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastGoing Far Together, Season 2, Episode 36When it comes to achieving an important goal, what do you think matters most—individual effort or the support of others? Of course, this is somewhat of a trick question as the answer is not an “either-or" but rather a “both-and." Evidence of this "both-and" is all around us in this season of graduations, where we honor the accomplishments of both individuals and the villages of support that have made the graduation possible. Celebrating individual effort comes naturally for most of us; it is part of the DNA of our culture. We love to celebrate the determined indivi...2023-05-2613 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastSavoring the Present Moment, Season 2, Episode 35As a nonprofit wellness initiative, we are honored to work with organizations worldwide. One of our favorites, though, is right in our hometown—the University of Wisconsin, a school we both happen to have graduated from. We were on the university campus this week for several meetings. We had the good fortune to interact with many recent graduates, as this past week was the university's commencement ceremony. These graduates had the distinction of having persevered through all the challenges presented by the COVID pandemic and being part of the largest University of Wisconsin graduating class ever. M...2023-05-1917 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastHonoring All the Emotions of Mother’s Day, Season 2, Ep. 34A few months ago, while standing in line at a coffee shop, I noticed a beautiful tattoo on a man's arm right in front of me. It was a heart with the word "Mom" in it. I commented on the tattoo and said, "Your Mom must be very special to you." My comment evoked some beautiful stories from the man I had just met. Here's my recollection of some of what he told me. “It’s complicated. My mom was very special. She died two years ago, and I got this tattoo to help me remember her. We had a co...2023-05-1215 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Let Your Life Speak: Listening to Our Souls," Season 2, Episode 33Most nonprofit organizations have mission statements. These statements succinctly state the purpose of the organization in order to inform and guide those who work for or support the organization. Here are a few such statements from some organizations you might know: "The American Red Cross prevents and alleviates human suffering in the face of emergencies by mobilizing the power of volunteers and the generosity of donors." "The mission of the American Cancer Society is to improve the lives of people with cancer and their families through advocacy, research, and patient support, to ensure e...2023-05-0514 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Let Your Life Speak: Nurturing Our Relationships," Season 2, Episode 32Let Your Life Speak: Nurturing Our Relationships As marriage and family therapists, people often reach out to us because there is a relationship in their life that they want to improve. It might be a relationship with a friend, neighbor, colleague, partner, spouse, sibling, or another family member. These requests remind us of two things. First, relationships are critical to our well-being, as few things affect the quality of our lives more than the quality of our relationships. The second thing these requests remind us of is that relationships are complicated, requiring an ongoing commitment t...2023-04-2816 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Let Your Life Speak: Listening to Our Emotions," Season 2, Episode 31Let Your Life Speak: Listening to Your Emotions This is the second in our series entitled "Let Your Life Speak." Our first column focused on listening to our bodies, and this week we are focusing on listening to our emotions. The quote we share above succinctly captures what we want to say about this topic. The first part of the quote is, "The more you hide your feelings, the more they show." When I (Scott) was younger and not as comfortable expressing my emotions, I can remember saying, "I am NOT MAD," or "I...2023-04-2116 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"Let Your Life Speak: Listen with Love, to What Your Body is Telling You," Season 2, Episode 30Let Your Life Speak: Listen, with Love, to What Your Body is Telling You We all know how good it feels to connect with an old friend, someone we haven't been in touch with for a while. It feels good to listen to what they have to say and catch up on how they are doing. The experience of reconnecting can remind us of how very important they have been to us. Now imagine that the old friend we connect with is not another person, but our bodies. That's right, what if it...2023-04-1417 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastHope and the Mud Season, Season 2 Episode 29We live in Wisconsin, and like other places with northern climates, we actually have five seasons each year. Our fifth occurs between winter and spring and is known as the "mud season." If we need an image of the name for this extra season, we need only look at our mud-caked hiking shoes inside our back door, removed and left there to dry after a walk in the woods this past weekend. Or we can look out the window and observe the thirty-degree temperature swings that often occur daily, never knowing if we will see rain, snow, or sunshine. 2023-04-0716 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastCelebrating Assist Leaders, Season 2, Episode 28Celebrating Assist Leaders “We rise by lifting others.” Robert Ingersoll Caitlin Clark is one of the reasons the University of Iowa women’s basketball team will be in the NCAA Final Four this weekend. What we admire most about her is not that she is a prolific scorer, although she is number three in the nation in that category, but instead that she is the assist leader for all collegiate women players this year. An assist, in basketball and other sports, is the act of making a pass to another player who then scores...2023-03-3117 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastDetaching From the Outcome, Season 2, Episode 27Detaching From the Outcome We carefully filled out the NCAA Men's and Women's basketball tournament brackets last week, both hoping for the best. We just checked our brackets, and out of the 20,056,273 entries submitted to ESPN, Scott is currently in 18,984,367th place. Holly's situation is only slightly better. While our ability to predict the future is clearly lacking, here's one prediction we are confident making. Neither one of us is going to win the ESPN bracket challenge. Do you know the odds of picking a perfect bracket involving 68 teams? 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808. That number is so large w...2023-03-2314 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastA Wee Bit of Irish Wit and Wisdom, Season 2, Episode 26A Wee Bit of Irish Wit and Wisdom In honor of this week's column being sent on St. Patrick's Day, we are celebrating the wisdom of Ireland. The Irish are known for their pithy words of wisdom, which we believe are relevant to this column's wellness focus. In no particular order, here are several of our favorite Irish sayings. Read them carefully and see which ones resonate with you. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have g...2023-03-1716 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastChanging Our Perspective Changes Our Experience, Season 2, Episode 25Changing Your Perspective, Changes Your Experience by D. Scott and Holly Hughes Stoner Years ago, when I (Holly) was in high school and college, I was lucky enough to take several drawing classes, some with still lifes or inanimate objects and others with live models. I learned a lot in those classes and only some of what I learned had to do with actually capturing what I saw on paper. I learned other lessons then that have helped me in life over the years. I learned then to look very closely and to seriously study...2023-03-1016 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastCleaning Out Our Junk Drawers--Season 2 Episode 24 (Part 8 of our 8-part series on our Wellness Compass Model for Well-Being)"Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor. It's anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living." Peter Walsh Cleaning Out Our Junk Drawers We spent an hour this past weekend cleaning out the junk drawer in our kitchen. Here's a partial list of what we found: rubber bands, paper clips, AA batteries, matches, wire, string, ribbon, mouse traps, tape, a screwdriver, pliers, picture hanging hooks, screws, post-it notes, birthday candles, duct tape, furniture foot pads, glitter, wood glue, super...2023-03-0314 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastAcceptance and Change--Season 2 Episode 23 (Part 7 of our 8-part series on our Wellness Compass Model for Well-Being)Acceptance and Change The simple and profound words from the opening of the Serenity Prayer (found in the quote box above) resonate as deeply for people today as when they were written in 1943 by Reinhold Niebuhr. While the words are simple and profound, living them is much more challenging. This is especially true when an unplanned change or loss occurs, or when there is something in our lives that we worry about but can do little, if anything, about it. At such times, we may wonder what it means to find serenity. The prayer points...2023-02-2416 min
The Wellness Compass Podcast"When 'I'm FINE' Could Mean Something Very Different," Season 2 Episode 22 (Part 6 of our 8-part series on our Wellness Compass Model for Well-Being)When “I’m Fine” Might Mean Something Else There are times when a person either isn’t aware of what they are feeling, or has no interest in letting you know what they are experiencing. At such a time, if you ask that person what or how they are feeling, a response you might get is, “I’m FINE!” It’s a shorthand way of saying they want privacy or to be left alone with their feelings and thoughts. When any of us hears a person emphatically stating that they are “FINE,” we can probably assume that their “FINE” stands...2023-02-1718 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastStanding in Love, Season 2 Episode 21 (Part 5 of our 8-part series on our Wellness Compass Model for Well-Being)Standing in Love As Valentine's Day approaches, the topic of love will, of course, be the center of attention, with a primary focus on the feelings associated with love. Thought will be given to how to create the feeling of love, sustain it, and rekindle the feeling if it begins to fade. We are taking a little different approach. We are not going to focus on the feelings of love on Valentine's Day, but instead, we will focus on some thoughts about love. These thoughts apply to all expressions of love--the love of a spouse, a partner, a chi...2023-02-1016 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastCelebrating Playfulness Season 2 Episode 20 (Part 4 of our 8-part series on our Wellness Compass Model for Well-Being)Celebrating Playfulness Imagine you have just met someone who recently moved to the United States from another part of the world, and this person has never heard of Groundhog Day, so they ask you to explain it. You begin by telling them about a little town in Pennsylvania called Punxsutawney, hoping they don't ask you how to spell it. You explain that a groundhog named Phil lives there and is reported to be immortal, now having lived 137 years. You continue with how every year on February 2nd, Punxsutawney Phil is placed inside a simu...2023-02-0318 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastLoving Every Body: Part Three of Our Eight-Part Series on Our Wellness Compass Model of Well-Being (Season 2, Ep 19)Loving Every Body It's about that time of year when the resolve that felt so strong at the beginning of the new year begins to fade. One reason may be that the resolution to change was not rooted in self-love, but instead in self-doubt or self-criticism. As the quote above states so clearly, there are those who profit by creating self-doubt, with subtle and not-so-subtle messages that we are not okay as we are. If only we had more of this, less of that, looked more like this, achieved more of that, possessed more of this...2023-01-2715 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastYour Life's Calling: Part Two of Our Eight-Part Series on Our Wellness Compass Model of Well-Being (Season 2, Ep 18)Your Life's Calling (Download our new free Adult Wellness Compass Note book HERE). We remember going to a funeral many years ago where it was said about the person (his name was Robert) whose life was being remembered, "I think his calling in life was to be a good friend because he was truly a dear friend to everyone who knew him." The idea of being a good friend as a "calling in life" has always stayed with us. It's easy to assume that a "life calling" needs to be something gra...2023-01-2018 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastSpirituality & Well-Being: Part One of Our Eight-Part Series on Our Wellness Compass Model of Well-Being (Season 2, Ep 17)We teach children how to measure and how to weigh. We fail to teach them how to revere, how to sense wonder and awe. — Harold S. Kushner Spirituality, Awe, and Wellness The word “awesome” has become so ubiquitous that it has nearly lost its meaning. Originally it referred to being “profoundly reverential,” something that inspired deep wonder and mystery. Today it has simply come to mean something that is “impressive or very good.” If, for no other reason, one benefit of reconnecting with the original meaning of awe is...2023-01-1319 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastChanging From the Inside Out, Season 2, Ep 16Changing From the Inside Out Have you ever said, "yes" to doing something for the wrong reason? Maybe it was peer pressure, or thinking you should say "yes," or because you didn't want to disappoint someone, or even that you didn't really think through your decision before responding. In our experience, this is what happens with many people who make New Year's resolutions. They say, “yes" to making a change for the wrong reason. Maybe they say, "yes" because it's what they think someone is supposed to do at this time of year. Or because oth...2023-01-0619 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastA Conspiracy of Love, S2 Ep. 15A Conspiracy of Love Last week we wrote about lessons we learned from attending a holiday concert performed by the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra and their chorus. This week, we attended a very different kind of holiday concert. This one was performed by our grandson and his third-grade classmates, and it, too, was spectacular in its own innocent way. It’s hard to say who was smiling more at the concert—the children or their families. After each song, we noticed something very special. We saw the parents making a heart shape with their hands and then...2022-12-2309 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastTuning Our Instruments First, S2. Ep. 14Tuning Our Instruments First We could have titled this podcast “Three Lessons We Learned From Attending a Holiday Pops Concert” as we had the joy of attending such a concert with some dear friends this past weekend. Here are a few lessons we took from the show that might be helpful reminders to all of us during this holiday season. Tune your instrument first. When the concertmaster (principal violinist) walked on stage, before she played a single note, she paused and spent time getting every one of the musicians in the symphony to tune t...2022-12-1616 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastSelf-Compassion and Grief, S2, Ep. 13Self-Compassion and Grief Holidays are a natural time for reminiscing, a time when we fondly remember people and traditions that are no longer a part of our lives. And it is only natural to feel both the joy and sadness of such memories. When we listen closely to others this time of year, it is not uncommon to hear at least a story about a loss they are experiencing and feeling. We might also know someone facing their first holiday after a significant loss or transition. At our best, when someone shares their grief with...2022-12-0918 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastSelf-Care During the Holidays: Less is More S2 Ep. 12Self-Care and the Holidays: Less is More In 1907 a young architect by the name of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe was working on a building design for his mentor Peter Behrens. When he presented several different designs to his mentor, Behrens's advice was to remember that, when designing a building, many times, "less is more." The messages we receive during this holiday season are just the opposite. They are often some version of "more is more," as we are encouraged to buy more, do more, eat more, drink more, and want more. Our experience as...2022-12-0217 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastGrateful Living (Part 2), Season 2, Episode 11Let Gratefulness Overflow Into Blessings This week's column's title comes from one of my favorite videos. We have shared it in this column before, as it speaks so eloquently about the true meaning of Thanksgiving. The video, which focuses on nature, beauty, and gratitude, brings the stunning photography of Louie Schwartzberg together with the spoken words of Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast. Brother David invites us to pay attention, really pay attention to the simple gifts and blessings of life that can be so quickly be taken for granted. He points out that paying attention to...2022-11-1821 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastGrateful Living (Part 1), Season 2, Episode 10Grateful Living Grateful living is a beautiful prescription for how to live one's life. It is also the name of a nonprofit organization that we recommend you learn more about, a timely recommendation in this month where we focus on being thankful. Grateful Living's mission statement, which you can find on their website www.grateful.org is worth reading slowly: "Grateful Living is a global nonprofit organization offering online and community-based educational programs and practices. Our offerings guide a commitment to the practice of Grateful Living and catalyze the transformative power of personal and societal re...2022-11-1118 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastEmotional Flooding, Season 2, Episode 92022-11-0419 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastOf Halloween and Masks, Season 2, Episode 82022-10-2816 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastLessons Learned From Walking a Corn Maze, Season 2, Ep 7Lessons Learned From Walking a Corn Maze Have you ever been so stubbornly sure that you were right that you had difficulty changing your mind, even when you gained new information and it was clear that you were mistaken? Even when the rest of the people in your group gave you feedback that you were off track? This was my (Scott’s) experience as I walked a corn maze with part of my extended family this past week. If you are not so fortunate as to live in a part of the country with corn ma...2022-10-2116 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastOf Permanence and Change, Season 2, Episode 6OF PERMANENCE AND CHANGE Fall has arrived in all its glory in the upper midwest. In addition to the stunning colors of the changing leaves, there are many reasons to love this season, including apple picking, corn mazes, playoff baseball, carving pumpkins, baking pies, and wearing your favorite sweater. One additional reason we love fall is that it is a time when we find ourselves turning inward, reflecting on the changing nature of life in general. The poet Bonaro Overstreet captures this part of fall when he describes this time of year as "a symphony...2022-10-1413 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastMindset Matters, Season 2 Episode 5Mindset Matters Carol Dweck, a research psychologist at Stanford University, is well known for her work on exploring the differences between fixed and growth mindsets. Our column and podcast from last week focused on the power of the word yet, which was a simple way to understand the more complex concepts that this psychologist writes about. "I can't constructively express my feelings when I am upset," is an example of a fixed mindset. "I haven't learned how to express my feelings constructively yet" is an example of a growth mindset. Here...2022-10-0715 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Power of Yet, Season 2, Episode 4The Power of Yet Sometimes a small, three-letter word can make all the difference. To understand what we mean, note the difference between these two sentences. “I am discouraged because I don’t know how to figure this out.” “I am discouraged because I don’t know how to figure this out yet.” The only difference is the word “yet.” Adding this critical word opens up possibility and hope. The first sentence states a fact, a statement that seems to be the end of the story, rather than the mid-point of a story that is still b...2022-09-3016 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastFinding the Extraordinary in the Ordinary, Season 2 Episode 3In this episode, Holly and Scott Stoner talk about how as marriage and family therapists and wellness coaches, the changes they often help people may seem quite ordinary, but in the end they often turn out to make an extraordinary difference. Recently we were made aware of some wise advice from author William Martin shared for parents. Martin reminds us to celebrate the ordinary moments of life, for in so doing, we also realize that it is in those everyday moments that the extraordinary becomes known. His words are helpful not only for parents, but fo...2022-09-2316 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastReplacing Judgment with Curiosity, Season 2, Episode 2Replacing Judgment with Curiosity We love hearing from our readers (and listeners of our podcast), so we were delighted to hear from many of you this week. Last week we wrote about the importance of listening to our inner teacher, and several readers wrote back sharing a similar challenge. They wrote about how when they pause long enough to listen to what their inner teacher might be saying to them, they end up hearing the loud and negative voice of their inner critic instead. A good teacher, coach, or leader certainly, at times, needs to of...2022-09-1614 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastListening to Your Inner Teacher, Season 2, Episode 1Listening to Your Inner Teacher Welcome back to the second season of our Wellness Compass Column and Podcast. We follow the school year schedule, and so this is the first column of our second season. We look forward to connecting with you weekly throughout the school year after taking the summer off. We are renewed and are excited to be back together with you, as we all seek to navigate our lives and our relationships with greater awareness and intention. When we started our non-profit Wellness Compass Initiative fourteen years ago, our team never dreamed...2022-09-0616 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Power of Planting Seeds, Episode 34 (end of season 1) "Gardening is therapy for me" is a comment we have heard more than once this spring, not just from avid gardeners, but from people just now getting into gardening as well. Many people first discovered the joy of gardening during time spent at home during the pandemic, and most have stayed with it. One study, in fact, reports that 18 million new people started gardening during the pandemic. We are still celebrating May as Mental Health Awareness Month, and so it is worth noting the many aspects of wellness that gardening affects. In addition to being good "therapy," it...2022-05-2721 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastGraduating From Our Comfort Zones, Episode 33Growth Begins At The Edge of Our Comfort Zone Many of us know someone who is graduating this spring. Perhaps you have been invited to a party to celebrate the graduate's achievement. Graduation is a rite of passage that merits celebrating an individual's perseverance in achieving their goals. Graduation is also a transition and rite of passage for loved ones closest to the graduate as they face a new chapter in their lives. Amidst all the joy and celebration surrounding graduation, other emotions like anxiety and loss are often easy to overlook. We know and ev...2022-05-2021 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastMental Health Awareness Month, Episode 32Mental Health Awareness Month May is Mental Health Awareness month. Because we are both mental health professionals who co-direct a foundation that creates materials to support mental health, we often get invited to offer programs this month. Usually, these gatherings are for organizations that want to acknowledge and promote the importance of mental health, either for their employees or the people they serve. We talk about many things in our presentations, including normalizing mental health challenges, seeking professional help, and understanding the enormous toll the pandemic has taken on almost everyone’s mental health. T...2022-05-1320 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastFamily of Origin, Family of Creation-Episode 31Family of Origin, Family of Creation As we prepare to celebrate Mother’s Day, it seems like a good time to reflect on the two concepts of family of origin, and family of creation, topics that we talk about a great deal with people in our work as marriage and family therapists. Our family of origin is the constellation of relationships in which we were raised. One way to think about it is that it is the school of life that we were enrolled in for the first eighteen years or so of our lives. We...2022-05-0620 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastCuriosity and Happiness, Ep. 302022-04-2822 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastBe an Encourager, Episode 29Be an Encourager With the weather turning warmer, we got our bikes out of the garage this week to go for a ride. We were so excited to get going that it wasn’t until we were a few blocks from home that we realized that our tires needed air. We returned home, pumped up the tires, and wow, what a difference it made both in comfort and ease of effort. Because we are both family therapists and we think about stuff like this, when we returned from our ride, we joked...2022-04-2223 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastHope Amidst the Mud, Episode 28Hope Amidst the Mud We live in Wisconsin, and like other places with northern climates, we have five seasons each year. Our fifth occurs between winter and spring and is known as the "mud season." If we need an image of the name for this extra season, we need only look at our mud-caked hiking shoes inside our back door, removed and left there to dry after a walk in the woods this past weekend. Or we can look out the window and observe the thirty-degree swings in temperature that often occur day-to-day, never knowing i...2022-04-1521 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastTake Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake, Episode 27We invite you to bring to mind a person who creates positive and life-giving energy for you. This could be a person from your present life or your past; a friend, a family member, a classmate, or a colleague. The person might be living or may have passed away. Bring that person to mind and pause for a moment to experience what it feels like to remember that person. Today we are focusing on the concept of an "emotional wake." One way to understand this concept is to realize that what you were feeling just a moment...2022-04-0819 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastKnowing When to Call a Time-Out, Episode 262022-04-0117 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastLetting Go and Holding On-Episode 25Life is a dance of letting go and holding on, a lesson I (Holly) learned again recently when my “second mom,” Judy or Mom, passed away peacefully at the age of 91. I call her my second mom because my creation mom passed away from cancer when I was eight, and Judy came into my life a year later when she married my dad. After all these years, I have come to realize that no matter how many times, and ways, we have done the dance of letting go and holding on, it is always difficult. Yet, at the same time...2022-03-2522 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Shelter of Each Other-Episode 242022-03-1722 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastChoosing the Power of Love Over the Love of Power-Episode 23The quote above dreams of a time when we finally come to recognize that the power of love is greater than the love of power. With the horror of what's going on in Ukraine right now, this reality may seem far off. And yet, to paraphrase Martin Luther King, we still believe that the arc of the moral universe may be long, but it bends toward love, justice, and peace. Many of us are privileged to have never experienced the devastating violence of war, yet are impacted by it nevertheless. And so, in such times, w...2022-03-1122 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastWe Don't Talk About... (Episode 22)A Disney movie was the last place we expected to find powerful and profound insight about what happens when families avoid having difficult conversations. And yet that is just what we discovered when we recently sat down and watched their latest movie entitled, "Encanto."
We promise not to share too many details about the movie, in case you haven't watched it yet. Even if you haven't seen the movie, you may have heard the song "We Don't Talk About Bruno," one of the many popular tunes from the film. (You can listen to it HERE). The title of...2022-03-0419 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastWhat You Appreciate, Appreciates--Episode 21What You Appreciate, Appreciates
A few weeks ago, we wrote about several specific things we can do to strengthen any relationship. One of the things we mentioned was the simple practice of showing appreciation. This week we want to expand a little more on this because we know that, while simple, it is easy to forget the importance of offering appreciation regularly and freely.
It is worth noting that the root for the word appreciation also serves as a root for the words precious, price, and praise. This helps us realize that when we praise someone...2022-02-2518 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Gift of Listening, Episode 20The Gift of Listening Last week's column talked about the importance of nurturing our relationships on a regular basis, remembering that the "grass is always greener where we water it." We talked about three specific ways to strengthen any relationship: listening, expressing appreciation, and making time to play and have fun together. This week's column focuses on the gift of listening. Listening is a skill that can be learned and developed, just like any other skill. With attention and intention, we can all become better listeners. In high school and college, we both remember how...2022-02-1822 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Grass Is Greener Where We Water It, Episode 19The Grass is Greener Where We Water It With Valentine’s Day approaching, it is only natural to reflect on the relationships in our lives, and not just romantic relationships, but on all of our life-nurturing connections. As marriage and family therapists, we talk with people regularly about repairing and strengthening their connections with others, and we know that few things impact the quality of our lives more than the health of our relationships. One of our favorite sayings about relationships is the quote above, “The grass is always greener where we water it.” The wisdom o...2022-02-1117 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Serenity to Accept the Things We Cannot Change (Part 6 of Our 6-Part Series on Growth and Change) Episode 18I In this episode, we complete our six-part series on understanding the process of growth and change by reflecting on a paraphrase of the opening words of the Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr.
"Seek the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The first five columns in this series (and accompanying podcast episodes) have been focused more on "the courage to change the things you can." This final column focuses more on the first part of the prayer, "the sere...2022-02-0420 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Wisdom of the J Curve (#5 in Our 6-Part Series on Growth and Change), Episode 172022-01-2821 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastComfort, Growth Zone, Panic Zone (#4 in Our 6-Part Series on Growth and Change), Episode 16(This is the fourth column in our six-part series on Understanding the Process of Growth and Change. If you missed one, you can find all of them HERE.)
In early 2020 I, (Scott) distinctly remember saying to my work team that I could not ever see myself embracing the idea of working remotely. Being together at the office every day was my comfort zone. It was how I had worked for over thirty years, and therefore it was the only way I could imagine continuing to function. The thought of working remotely was way outside of my comfort zone...2022-01-2122 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastStages of Change (#3 in Our 6-Part Series on Growth and Change) Episode 15Stages of Change Have you ever been unsuccessful in an attempt to create some kind of change in your life? Have you ever been frustrated in your attempt to lead a group of people through a process of change? If you are like us, you can think of many times when your answer to these questions would be, “Of course!” If you, too, have been disappointed in your ability to create or lead change, you may be interested in learning that a theory of change known as the “Stages of Change Model” could explain why it was suc...2022-01-1423 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastFind Your Why and You'll Find Your Way (#2 in Our 6-Part Series on Growth & Change) Episode 14 Find Your Why and You'll Find Your Way This column is part two of a six-part series on growth and change. While the timing of these columns is related to the beginning of a new year—a time when many people take stock and seek to make a change—what we are writing about here is timeless and applies to any kind of change, whether personal, relational, or organizational. Most attempts to make a change will fail if they are not connected to a clear "why," or reason for making th...2022-01-0725 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastListening for A Change (#1 In Our 6-Part Series on Growth & Change) Episode 13 Listening for a Change Whether or not we make New Year's resolutions, many of us do take stock of our lives this time of year, pausing to reflect on whether there are any changes we want to make. Apart from it being the start of a new year, the pandemic has disrupted all of our lives, sometimes forcing change upon us and other times clarifying for us a change we want or need to make. One concept that we have found to be helpful when it comes to change, both for ourselves and the cli...2021-12-3120 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastLet There Be Peace on Earth, and Let It Begin with Me. Episode 12Let There Be Peace on Earth, and Let It Begin with Me. Do you ever find yourself discouraged by the amount of conflict and hostility in the world, wishing there was more peace on earth? Or perhaps you wish for more peace in your community. And as families connect around the holidays, maybe you wish for more peace in your own family. When we find ourselves longing for more peace, the words of a song written shortly after World War II can be helpful. The song's first line offers this insightful wisdom, "Let t...2021-12-2427 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Gift of Presence, Episode 11The Gift of Presence One of the highlights of Christmas for me as a child was my grandmother coming to visit and staying with us for a week. She lived far away, so a visit from her was always a special occasion. All this was magnified when she visited over the holidays. My sister and I would gather on the couch with her for hours, watching all the classic holiday movies. As I write this now, I vividly remember the magic of watching Miracle on 34th Street with her every year. And we when were done watching...2021-12-1721 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastTo Acknowledge Our Grief is to Acknowledge Our Love, Episode 10Episode 10 of the Wellness Compass Podcast “To acknowledge our grief is to acknowledge that we have loved and that we have been loved.” To Acknowledge Our Grief is To Acknowledge Our Love Grief has many faces and presents itself in a myriad of ways. We are familiar with grief when it shows up as sadness, loneliness, or feelings of emptiness. It may be less evident that grief is commonly the feeling underlying irritability, anger, conflict, excessive drinking, feeling numb, wanting to isolate, and busyness. I believe we all grieve during the...2021-12-1024 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastSharpening Our Saws, Episode 9Sharpening Our Saws "Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you." Anne Lamott A story is told about two loggers who have been working all day cutting down large trees using an old-fashioned two-person hand saw, one of them on each end pulling back and forth. In the morning, they made significant progress in cutting down many trees. As the day went on, they became increasingly frustrated with how much their progress slowed down, finally quitting when they could not make it through their last tree. Once they...2021-12-0219 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastThe Key to Happiness is Finding Your Balance, Again & Again Ep. 8I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It has always been my favorite holiday because of both its simplicity and its focus on gratitude. As I get older, I find that gratitude is foundational to my emotional and spiritual well-being, as I continue to discover the truth of this quote from David Steindl-Rast, “The root of joy is gratefulness. It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” As the intensity of the holiday season ramps up, I am realizing that I will need to be more intentional about focus...2021-11-2623 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastPrioritizing Our Mental Health Throughout the Holiday Season-Episode 7Prioritizing Our Mental Health Through the Holiday Season "Mental health is not a destination, but a process. It's about how you drive, not just where you're going." Noam Shpancer, psychologist A few weeks ago, I wrote about recalculating our routes in a column that focused on giving ourselves permission to make changes in direction when needed. Today I am writing about something a bit different yet similar, calculating our routes. Specifically, I'm going to focus on inviting us to plan the way we intend to navigate this upcoming holiday season, in a way that prioritizes our m...2021-11-1921 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastAre You Handling Your Emotions or Are Your Emotions Handling You? Episode 6Are You Handling Your Emotions, or Are They Handling You? The title question for this column, “Are you handling your emotions, or are they handling you?” is timely given the chronic stress that we have all been facing the last year and a half. My answer to this question is, “Yes!” Yes, there are times when I am handling my emotions, and yes, there are times when my feelings are handling me. One of the warning signs I recognize in myself when I am not managing my emotions well is that I am irritable and impatient...2021-11-1223 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastRecalculating Our Routes, Episode 5"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." Lao Tzu This episode will expand your understanding of vocation and how vocation is an essential comment of mental health and wellness. We took a road trip and because we had some extra time and were in no hurry to get to our destination, we turned to Google maps to help us chart some less traveled and more scenic routes. Several times we made changes to our route on the fly, or we missed a turn we were supposed to make...2021-11-0524 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastWatering Our Spirituality Root Systems, Episode 4Spirituality is like the roots of a tree; the deeper the roots, the stronger the tree.
Spirituality is a part of all of our lives, whether we consciously are aware of it and nurture it within ourselves, or not. We are spiritual beings. As the author and theologian Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote, "We are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences."
Practicing a religious faith is one way to express and ground one's spirituality, but spirituality transcends any one religion. Some have referred to spirituality as a deep underground river that g...2021-10-2924 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastEnhancing The Quality of Our Relationships, Episode 3Few things affect the quality of our lives than the quality of our relationships. All of us attended a "school of relationships" where we learned certain relationships skills and patterns. If those serve us well, our relationships will benefit. If they don't, the good news is we can always learn new relationships skills if we are humble and open to learning and willing to put the work in to create new patterns. In this episode, Scott and Holly teach one specific relationship skill known as "the soft start-up." This is in contrast to "the harsh start-up" and the kind...2021-10-2224 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastIncreasing Resilience Through Compassion Episode 2“Resilience is based on compassion for ourselves as well as compassion for others.”― Sharon Salzberg. This quote introduces the topic of this show which is about how "the seeds of resilience can only take root in the soil of compassion." Resilience is defined here not so much as "bouncing back," but as "bouncing forward" because sometimes there is no going back, no bouncing back. When loss happens, when our "normal" is disrupted in profound ways, there is no going back to "normal." There is only going forward as we slowly create a new normal. Holly Hughes...2021-10-1526 min
The Wellness Compass PodcastWhat If The Hokey Pokey Is What It's All About? Episode 1This is the premiere episode of the Wellness Compass Podcast. Scott introduces the podcast and the larger Wellness Compass Initiative. He also introduces the concept of whole-person wellness and what it means to put "your whole self in." Scott also plays his guitar and then used it as a metaphor to learn about whole-person wellness. He intentionally makes one string on the guitar out of tune, and then lets the listener hear how cringe-worthy that sounds. The metaphor is that our lives are always going in and out of tune. That's not a problem. The problem is wh...2021-10-0319 min