Shows
A Life, Folded30: ForgivenessHow do we forgive "70 times 7"? Is it even humanly possible; do we have the capacity? Sometimes, when we are trying to be too goal-oriented toward forgiveness, we make it less likely to ultimately feel satisfied by our efforts. Especially if dealing with a partner who continues to abuse and hurt. Often, we are looking to forgive the wrong person. When we work on forgiving ourselves, and giving ourselves the gifts of time and space, it can be that the forgiveness we seek to give will happen naturally while we work on healing our wounds.
#alifefolded #forgiveness #betrayaltrauma #b...2025-07-2914 minA Life, Folded29: Reclaiming Self After Betrayal Trauma: DatingAfter living through betrayal trauma and perhaps a narcissistic discard, how do you know when you are ready to date again? Or, if you will ever be ready to date again? Take the time for healing, learning about yourself, and reflection before jumping back into the dating pool. Dating is best when it is intentional and out of the desire to get to know someone, not because they may fulfill a need. Love and attachment can be "near enemies". Dating is at your own pace and in your own timing. No one can, or should try, to dictate what...2025-07-2220 minA Life, Folded28: Where Are You God?Have you ever wondered, "Where are you God?" Have you felt like you have endured more than your fair share of grief and pain? That you have tried to live a good life, yet trials keep coming your way? Have you ever said, "It's enough?!" or, "What did I do to deserve this?" We all feel this way at times, yet it is not commonly spoken about. This leads to feelings of isolation and even shame, but none of that is the truth. We all struggle with our faith and feeling overburdened and overlooked at times. You are not a...2025-07-1618 minA Life, Folded27: If The Narcissist Doesn't Want You, Why Won't They Let You Go?It's common for a narcissistic partner to drag out the divorce process as long as they possibly can. Why? Why would they do this when they have already moved on? Why when sometimes they are actually hurting themselves with their stubborn refusal to let you move forward in your life? It's about control. It's about wreaking as much havoc as is humanly possible for the good people who have had the misfortune to love them.
#alifefolded #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistic
2025-07-0810 minA Life, Folded26: Suicidal Ideation after Betrayal or DiscardYou are not alone if you feel that you are succumbing to despair after betrayal trauma, a narcissistic discard, or both. This is a common reaction as a result of such unbearable and unbelievable pain. But, your life matters. There are reasons to go on. The world needs you and your unique gifts and talents. Please, find spaces of hope and live even if just for the next moment...the next hour. The darkness will lessen with time and you will find pockets of gratitude and happiness in your recovery journey. I promise.
#alifefolded #yourlifematters #youarenotalone #hope #be...2025-07-0116 minA Life, Folded25: Gray RockA key motto in my healing journey is: go no contact and live again. We can argue, prod, and beg toxic people in our lives to give us closure, but they can't. And, even if they could, they wouldn't. Gray Rock is a communication methodology where we cease to provide narcissistic fuel to unhealthy partners through over-sharing and reactive behaviors. And, it's a game changer as you strive to find peace in your healing journey.
#alifefolded #grayrockmethod #grayrock #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistic #selfcare #selfcarematters #boundaries
2025-06-2413 minA Life, Folded24: When You Suck at BoundariesBoundaries are one of the most difficult concepts for serial people-pleasers as well as victims of betrayal trauma and narcissistic gaslighting. It seems counter-intuitive that taking care of yourself first is a common practice of the most giving and healthy individuals. Boundaries are actually loving, assuring that your needs are met so that you can show up in the world present and with a true desire to serve.
#alifefolded #selfcare #selfimprovement #betrayaltrauma #betrayal #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #boundaries #boundariesmatter #boundariesarebeautiful
2025-06-1718 minA Life, Folded23: Will My Partner Ever Change?How do you know if your partner is truly changing after you have lived through betrayal, narcissistic emotional abuse, and/or a partner's sex and pornography addiction? Is what they say real, or is it just more smoke and mirrors, empty promises, and outright lies? This episode offers key strategies to move forward and find confidence in your personal safety. Your healing and your path to wholeness are worth the careful effort and dedicated time you put forward.
#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltraumahealing #cheatinghurts #selflove #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery
2025-06-1019 minA Life, Folded22: Reclaiming Self After Betrayal TraumaShattered. Destroyed. Broken. These were words I used to think most accurately described me. I felt that I was beyond repair and healing. Betrayal trauma had claimed me, body and soul, and I would never be the same again. But there is hope to reclaim our true selves and build a strong foundation of self-love and trust such that we can be assured that we will be okay no matter what our partner chooses or what other difficult situation we must navigate in life.
#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery #betrayaltraumahealing #cheatinghurts #selflove
2025-06-0316 minA Life, Folded21: Why I Hate The Five Love LanguagesNarcissists and other unhealthy partners can take the most helpful and benign concepts and weaponize them to manipulate, control, and devalue. This episode explores how my ex-husband used the book The Five Love Languages to push his self-serving agenda. In the guise of his self-appointed "gifts of service", he completely dismissed my actual, communicated needs. This left me feeling worthless and unlovable.
#alifefolded #weaponized #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery
2025-05-2714 minA Life, Folded20: Beware of Therapy with a NarcissistEntering therapy with a narcissist is done most often with sincere effort by the partner, but can, and usually will be, used against them. The concerns around therapy with a narcissist range from the annoying to the frustrating to the dangerous. Narcissists don't believe they need to change and weaponize therapy to manipulate, demean, and control. Listen to learn more and to protect yourself against further pain and confusion at the hands of a Cluster B-personality disordered individual.
#alifefolded #weaponized #narcissist #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery
2025-05-2015 minA Life, Folded19: Spiritual AbuseOne of the most unconscionable types of abuse that can be endured is spiritual abuse. For many of us, our spiritual lives and connection to a higher power are the foundations of our existence. This essential relationship helps us make sense of our lives and can even enable and enhance our understand and comfort levels after loss. Spirituality can lead us to feel secure, safe, and with a desire to rise up and be the very best people we can. When someone who knows your weaknesses and professes to love you robs you of the sanctity of your relationship...2025-05-1318 minA Life, Folded18: But Who Else Will Ever Love Me?After being betrayed or living in an unhealthy relationship, many people lament, "Yes, but if I leave my partner, who else will ever love me?" While understandable, this type of thinking can be dangerous in perpetuating further toxic relationships. This episode discusses why it is essential to your happiness to leave this type of mentality in the past and where the source of true love lies.
#alifefolded #betrayaltrauma #betrayaltraumarecovery
2025-05-0615 minA Life, Folded17: Hidden, Insidious Narcissitic JabsCuts. Jabs. Barbs. Narcissists excel at them all. Malignant narcissists can be quite overt in their cruel comments. However, most narcissists are more elegant, sinister, and insidious in their hurtful jabs. They might be hard to recognize as long as you are in the relationship. Because they have intently studied you, they know right where your pain points are. They have a knack of subtly slashing at your core, leaving you feeling like there is something inherently wrong with you. My husband used something as banal as my favorite color to get in narcissistic shots. My entire marriage, I...2025-04-2914 minA Life, Folded16: Am I A Walking Red Flag?"It takes two to tango!" "Well, there are two sides to every story." The insinuation in these types of statements can be highly shaming to a victim of insidious narcissistic abuse. It is most often true that the vast majority of relationships are ended through issues from both partners. However, it is not always so black and white. People may be afraid to say it out loud, because of victim shaming and lack of understanding, but many survivors of narcissistic abuse know they are not to blame for the end of their relationships. Of course everyone has faults. But...2025-04-2213 minA Life, Folded15: Was That Really Love Bombing?Love bombing is a classic technique used by manipulative narcissists. The hallmarks are usually excessive praise, compliments, and inappropriately expensive gifts. The aim is to ensnare the victim during this small moment of happiness so the devaluation and discard phase can be all the more cruel and wounding. But did you know that love bombing is tailored to the potential victim? It may look nothing like the commonly accepted over-the-top praise that most people expect from Cluster B folks.
After being convinced that I had never been love bombed, my therapist helped me discover how my narcissist...2025-04-1516 minA Life, Folded14: When You Suck at Self-CareWhen I first began navigating healing after betrayal trauma and the resultant narcissistic discard, I didn't know what to do. I was not raised to think that something like self-care would be anything other than selfish and self-centered. How do you try to take care of yourself when you've never done it before and now you are shattered, body and soul?
I read articles and tried many ideas that others reported worked miracles worked for them. But nothing gave me any results that were anything other than temporary.
It was discouraging and I determined that I...2025-04-0820 minA Life, Folded13: Are They Really Your Best Friend?When I first learned about my husband's betrayal, all I could think was: How could my best friend do this to me? I hear this lament so often and it is heartbreaking. I spent many years ruminating on this question and wasting precious time blaming myself. Eventually facing hard truths, I examined what true friends do and do not do. This episode exams some of the tenants of devoted friendship. The realities of my decades-long relationship with my husband were hard to accept. Once I did, however, it was freeing and enabled me to move forward, ushering in my he...2025-04-0114 minA Life, Folded12: Should I Try to Save the Narcissist's Next Victim?After you have been abused, manipulated, and discarded by the narcissist in your life, the inevitable follows...they have a new source of supply immediately. This episode builds on episode 11: Why Does the Narcissist Move on so Quickly? The narcissist will have a new source of fuel immediately and make you aware of how easily replaceable you are in ways both insidious and public. Then comes the crushing dilemma: should I try to save or at least warn the new person?
In this episode, Lainey outlines the surprising outcome when she did try to save or warn...2025-03-2515 minA Life, Folded11: Why do Narcissists Move on so Quickly?One of the most confusing and dizzying experiences that can happen when navigating complicated relationships with narcissists occurs generally right after, or during, the cruel narcissistic discard. They move on. Immediately. But why? How can your long-term relationship and love for them be so meaningless? Did you have absolutely no worth to them?
The answers to these questions can be painful, compelling...and ultimately emotionally freeing. Once you understand why narcissists move on so quickly, and why it has nothing to do with you, your healing can be rapidly accelerated. Learn more and embrace the peace.
2025-03-1815 minA Life, Folded10: Grief after Betrayal TraumaMost people think about grief in connection with death, and certainly there is much to grieve when we lose someone. But when I found out that my decades-long marriage was a sham, I was plunged into the darkest, and most long lasting, grief of my life. Yet, people did not understand what I was experiencing and why. Once again, I felt different and outside. Like my grief was not valid because I was not grappling with losing someone to death.
Though death is hard and tragic, it is something we all realize is the inevitable conclusion of...2025-03-1121 minA Life, Folded9: Debunking Porn Myths: Men are More VisualIt is an excuse we have all heard often. When a partner is caught cheating by using porn, the initial refrain is usually something to the effect of, "What's the big deal? It has nothing to do with my feelings toward you. All men do it. It's just a way of blowing off steam." Then, the gaslighting goes on, "Men are far more visual than women. So, you wouldn't understand."
Hogwash!
I'll admit that for a long time, I believed this ridiculous lie. Hmm, maybe I really didn't have a reason to comment or be...2025-03-0409 minA Life, Folded8: Combating Betrayal Trauma TriggersAfter you have been betrayed and hurt by your partner, or anyone for that matter, you may go into "fight, flight, or freeze" whenever you see them. No matter how much you prepared beforehand. After doing recovery work, why does this still happen? And, what can be done about it?
In this episode, Lainey discusses how she learned that it is totally normal to have a heightened and emotional trauma response when confronted with someone who has betrayed you and why this happens. She shares how she has learned to welcome and even thank her body for...2025-02-2513 minA Life, Folded7: DARVO, Narcissistic Emotional AbuseDARVO is a commonly used tactic in society today, where people often try to deny taking accountability. However, this tactic is a common occurrence for a Cluster B Personality Disordered individual, such as a Narcissist.
DARVO stands for:
D-Deny
A-Attack
then the RVO
Reverse the victim and offender
DARVO is another crazy-making tactic of the narcissist. You bring up a valid concern in a vulnerable manner seeking to communicate effectively, then your experience is dismissed, then attacked. And you, the innocent party, often end up apologizing and p...2025-02-1816 minA Life, Folded6: Debunking Porn Myths: Porn Isn't CheatingHere are some often used dismissive comments about porn: All men use porn. It doesn't hurt anyone. It has nothing to do with my love for you. It just helps me blow off steam.
Nonsense.
Porn kills love, decimates self-esteems, is escalating and addictive, deprives your family of your attention, and fuels the human trafficking trade. Porn is always, always cheating. When you are seeking intimacy outside a committed relationship, you are depriving your partner of consent. Consent is often the dividing line of whether or not you are sexually abusing your partner.
...2025-02-1112 minA Life, Folded5: Betrayal Trauma Faith CrisisWhen you experience intimate betrayal, it is common to also have a resultant faith crisis. Why did God let this happen? Why didn't He intervene so that you wouldn't have to experience such profound hurt? Does He not love you anymore? Why have you been abandoned by those you love and trusted most? This is a dark and lonely space, and it is a completely normal reaction after experiencing betrayal trauma. In this episode, Lainey discusses ways of reconnecting with God and His divine love.
The podcast mentioned on this episode is FATE RESILIENCE: Taking Control of...2025-02-0313 minA Life, Folded4: Betrayal Trauma D-DayD-Day is short for Discovery Day. It's the horrible moment you will most likely remember in minute detail for the rest of your life. The day you found out the person you loved and trusted the most has been unfaithful. It is shocking and unimaginably traumatic.
And, once you make this shattering discovery, who do you turn to? The partner you trusted the most, the person you shared everything with, has shattered your heart. The person you considered your best friend can no longer be wholly trusted. And, you might feel intense shame for who they are...2025-01-2820 minA Life, Folded3: Why Porn is Always WrongPornography is a commonly accepted part of our modern-day world. “Everyone does it.” “It doesn’t hurt anyone.”
Nonsense.
Pornography kills love, ruins lives, creates deep psychological wounds, is addictive and escalating, reduces humans to pixels on a screen, and is fueled by one of the most heinous crimes of our time: human trafficking.
Lainey discusses how her husband's addiction ruined their marriage, decimated her self-image, destroyed his relationship with his daughters, damaged his connection with God, and nearly cost him his career. By shedding harsh light on the reality of the evils of porn, w...2025-01-2013 minA Life, Folded2: The Narcissistic DiscardNarcissists can exist in any or all of the aspect of our lives. They may be a member of our family, our spouse, our boss, or even our ecclesiastical leader. One thing they all have in common is the need for the oneupmanship of the narcissistic discard when their target stops giving them narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are deeply insecure individuals with no capacity for empathy or remorse. They keep people around as long as they are offering them “supply”. In other words, not questioning their gaslighting, projection, and double standards. When their targets no longer offer what they...2025-01-1414 minA Life, Folded1: Intro to A Life, FoldedAs a survivor of a spouse's pornography addiction, betrayal trauma, as well as covert narcissistic abuse, this episode introduces the "why" of A Life, Folded podcast.
I was married for 29 years to a man who lived a double life. Seemingly loyal husband, father, employee, and disciple of Christ by day; porn addict, betrayer, and liar by night. Well, really any time. The discovery of his double life and resultant narcissistic discard destroyed my heart and soul. It ripped apart our family and deeply traumatized our children. Six years post divorce, and with much healing behind me, I f...2025-01-0613 min