Shows
Untoxicated PodcastEp310 – Questions for Sheri, Part 2Sheri answers listener questions about everything from her rock-bottom moments that resulted from Matt’s alcoholism, to what she would do differently if she had the chance to do it all over again. Many answers are emotional because learning and surviving are both painful. Matt lightens things up by starting the episode with a riddle, and an analysis of why people feel unconditional love for their pets.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
If you woul...
2025-08-251h 17Untoxicated PodcastEp310 – Questions for Sheri, Part 2Sheri answers listener questions about everything from her rock-bottom moments that resulted from Matt’s alcoholism, to what she would do differently if she had the chance to do it all over again. Many answers are emotional because learning and surviving are both painful. Matt lightens things up by starting the episode with a riddle, and an analysis of why people feel unconditional love for their pets.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
If you woul...
2025-08-251h 17Addiction – Untoxicated PodcastEp310 – Questions for Sheri, Part 2Sheri answers listener questions about everything from her rock-bottom moments that resulted from Matt’s alcoholism, to what she would do differently if she had the chance to do it all over again. Many answers are emotional because learning and surviving are both painful. Matt lightens things up by starting the episode with a riddle, and an analysis of why people feel unconditional love for their pets.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
If you woul...
2025-08-251h 17Untoxicated PodcastEp303 – Questions for SheriUnfiltered and unprepped, Sheri answers a wide range of emotional and tactical questions about how she navigated Matt's alcoholism and sobriety, and what she might have done if faced with different circumstances. Sheri earns here elite preferred status on this episode.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.
2025-07-071h 06Addiction – Untoxicated PodcastEp303 – Questions for SheriUnfiltered and unprepped, Sheri answers a wide range of emotional and tactical questions about how she navigated Matt’s alcoholism and sobriety, and what she might have done if faced with different circumstances. Sheri earns here elite preferred status on this episode.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
If you would like to support the Untoxicated Podcast with an monthly tax deductible $10 donation, please go to SupportUntoxicated.org.
2025-07-071h 06Untoxicated PodcastEp280 – Moving Beyond Eggshells with MarjorieMarjorie is certified in trauma and addiction support, and she is a leader in our Echoes of Recovery program. On this episode, she helps Sheri and Matt understand that, "You can't think your way out of emotions." She also shares her sacred boundary that, "Kindness is something that I won't negotiate." Listen for these and other profound signs of growth, and learn the two meanings of the eggshells referenced in the episode title.
If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved...
2025-01-271h 15Untoxicated PodcastEp279 – Why Men are FailingThe industrialized world is experiencing an epidemic of men who are unemployed or underemployed, not married or dating, living with their parents, and suffering deaths of despair. And the gender gap in higher education is greater than anyone ever imagined. The experts on the subject point to economic factors for the failure of men, but Sheri and Matt think the experts are missing a critical emotional piece of the puzzle they are trying to solve. Sheri and Matt are both huge, active supporters of the advancement of women, but believe helping men is in the best interest of all humans.
...
2025-01-201h 13Untoxicated PodcastEp273 – Is Sex All You Think About?Do you say or hear this question in your relationship? Sheri and Matt break down how sex drive fluctuates in both a short-term and long-term way, and discuss the impacts of addiction and recovery on the fluctuation. They also talk about navigating the fluctuations with mutual respect.
Sheri and Matt talk about the comment on Matt's new blog post, "I Might Be Getting Fired."
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2024-12-091h 08Untoxicated PodcastEp270 – The TWFO Couple Paige and Matt RobinsonPaige and Matt Robinson have survived Matt's addiction to opiates and alcohol, and now they are doing a ton to help others, especially spouses, find their way out. Listen to how they managed the lies and hiding, and how they process resentments as their marriage thrives. To learn more about Paige and Matt and their work, please visit their website and check out their Till the Wheels Fall Off podcast, online community and recovery course for the spouses of people who have suffered from addiction.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with...
2024-11-181h 10Untoxicated PodcastEp258 – 365 Days without a Relationship RelapseSome people count their sobriety days. For Sheri and Matt, sobriety is just a prerequisite. The really exciting day count comes as they cross over a full year without a relationship relapse. No yelling. No name calling. No vindictive blaming. No meltdowns all the way around the calendar. Is avoiding relationship relapse a strategy, or a result of other hard work? Listen to Sheri's take on how they accomplished this major milestone.
Sheri and Matt are about to launch the Untoxicated Vodcast YouTube channel with short videos about life in an alcoholic relationship. You can have the videos delivered to yo...
2024-08-261h 01Untoxicated PodcastEp254 – Are Resentments Holding You Back?Sheri and Matt talk a lot about processing resentments together, and how it helps repair their relationship. But what if your partner is not available, not willing or not capable of processing resentments with you? Sheri and Matt explore a solo process of digging deep into the "why," analyzing the fear and finding empathy for the benefit of the person stuck holding onto resentments.
If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free...
2024-07-2956 minUntoxicated PodcastEp252 – Is Fear the Only Emotion?Matt reveals to Sheri his theory that there is only one true emotion: fear. The couple discuss how fear drive's Matt's addictions, and how fearlessness is a big part of the peace and contentment Sheri enjoys.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey.
If you would like to learn more about our SHOUT Sobriety program for high functioning alcoholics seeking sobriety, or our Echoes of Recovery program for the loved ones of alcoholics, please join us for a free, no-strings-attached information and Q&A session Thursday, August 1st at 6:30pm M...
2024-07-151h 01Untoxicated PodcastEp232 – Question FOR Listeners: When do kid decisions become unilateral?During Matt's active addiction, Sheri had to pick and choose the times she discussed big parenting decisions with him, and there was plenty of stress and anxiety around raising the kids, but she never cut Matt off and made parenting decisions unilaterally. What has to happen to make the partner of the drinker cut the drinker off from parental decisions? And what has to happen to re-engage in recovery? We really want to know. Please post your answers in the comment on our Untoxicated Podcast website, or send your response to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
Sheri and Matt start the episode b...
2024-02-261h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp230 – ExpectationsWhat are your expectations for recovery, for you or the people around you? Some expectations are absolute necessities. Others are unachievable, and even harmful. Sheri and Matt talk through a bunch of scenarios and explain how their expectations have changed over time.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2024-02-1257 minUntoxicated PodcastEp229 – Roundtable: Navigating Custody of the Kids***Trigger Warning: Death from alcohol abuse is discussed.
Julie, Rachel, Becky and Melanie join the conversation and help Sheri and Matt break down the issues surrounding custody agreements and co-parenting arrangements. From the impact these decisions have on the, "should I stay or should I go," decision, to communicating with the kids, this roundtable episode covers a lot of ground with some very insightful perspectives.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an...
2024-02-051h 21Untoxicated PodcastEp227 – Recovery Rumble: Amber vs. MattIn this corner, making her third appearance on the Untoxicated Podcast, is Master Addiction Counselor, star and host of the Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel, the one, the only, the fabulous Amber Hollingsworth. And in this corner, is an old drunk who seems to now be addicted to asking questions and forming opinion about addiction, Sheri's husband Matt. Sheri referees as these two go toe to toe about the role of the family in the recovery of someone suffering from addiction. It is a seven-round battle about support and detachment.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your...
2024-01-221h 19Untoxicated PodcastEp226 – Enthusiastic ConsentThe more Sheri and Matt learn, the more undeniable the connection is between emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual satisfaction and trust. Understanding the connection requires understanding the ways in which alcoholism does damage to intimacy in romantic partnerships. Sheri laughs and cries hard in this emotional episode.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of R...
2024-01-1559 minUntoxicated PodcastEp224 – Remembering Why We Fell in LoveThere is conflict inherent in alcoholic relationships. And conflict brings guilt. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, the conflict and guilt deserves relief. Sheri and Matt talk about the benefits of taking the time to remember why we fell in love.
Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2024-01-0158 minUntoxicated PodcastEp223 – Reconciling the Role of FamilyMerry Christmas! During the holiday season, strained family relations manifest in challenging ways. There is perhaps no better time for Sheri and Matt to talk about the role of family in support of recovery - for the alcoholic or the loved one. Are we expecting too much?
Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2023-12-251h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp222 – Scary Ghost Stories of Christmases Not Long AgoIt's the most wonderful time of the year. At least that's how it is hyped. If you are living through the holiday season with active alcoholism or early sobriety, the trauma and nervous system dysregulation can make this time of the year terrifying. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive some relatable memories, give you a completely unnecessary education about the whole grain bakery business, and share some hope for your not-to-distant future.
Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and...
2023-12-1858 minUntoxicated PodcastEp218 – Holiday Triggers and the Healing Power of TimeTraditions and triggers go hand in hand, and at no time is that more prevalent than during the holiday season. Sheri and Matt discuss how triggers and traditions have changed for them over time. They also brag about their credentials, and the talents derived from long toes, in a cringey sort of way.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who und...
2023-11-2050 minUntoxicated PodcastEp216 – Lowered Standards and Disappointing Outcomes***Trigger Warning - Talk of Self Harm and Suicide
It is common knowledge that alcoholism is a progressive disease in relation to the volume and frequency of consumption. What is rarely considered is that the loved ones of alcoholics lower their own standards in a progressive way as well. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the origins of our baseline standards, progressive deterioration, and how important it is to return to baseline in recovery.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send yo...
2023-11-061h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp215 – ExpectationsWhen is recovery over? When can we call declare success? Sheri and Matt discuss the baseline expectations that everyone deserves to have met in a thriving, loving relationship. They also discuss the expectations that lead to disappointment, and how those unmet expectations are often misdiagnosed as an indication that the person or the relationship isn't successful in recovery. (And the Chris is Chris Wallace...son of Mike Wallace. (listen and find out))
Join our introductory session of The Developing Story for teens who have experienced alcoholism in their households on November 6th. For free access to this session, provide your...
2023-10-301h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp213 – Detachment and SeparationSheri and Matt deal with Matt's hypocrisy about supporting detachment in alcoholic relationships. up to and including physical separation, when the couple never got separated themselves during his active addiction or recovery.
Join our introductory session of The Developing Story for teens who have experienced alcoholism in their households on November 6th. For free access to this session, provide your contact information at TheDevelopingStory.org.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an a...
2023-10-161h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp212 – Curiosity in Relationship RecoveryNo transition was more important to Sheri's and Matt's relationship recovery than when Matt stopped telling Sheri what she was doing wrong and started trying to understand why she felt the way she did. It was a major shift that saved their marriage, and they talk all about it on this episode.
Join our introductory session of The Developing Story for teens who have experienced alcoholism in their households on November 6th. For free access to this session, provide your contact information at TheDevelopingStory.org.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to...
2023-10-0957 minUntoxicated PodcastEp210 – Is My Husband’s Alcoholism My Fault?No. That's the short version of the title question's answer. An emphatic, "no," in fact. But as with most of the world's hard-to-solve problems, there is much more to the story. On this episode, Sheri and Matt breakdown what happens in a alcoholic relationship breakdown, the roles of the partners, and how the relationship can be repaired.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from con...
2023-09-251h 04Untoxicated PodcastEp208 – The Developing Story Writing Workshop for TeensSheri and Matt welcome the most special of guests, their daughter, Cathryn, for a return visit to the podcast. This time, instead of working through the heart wrenching experiences of Cathryn's childhood, like they did on Ep200, they talk through all the details about their newest program: The Developing Story Writing Workshop for teens who have been impacted by alcohol abuse in the family. Cathryn shares how writing her story has helped her process the trauma, they discuss possible writing prompts, and Sheri reveals how stuffing down her father's alcoholism has caused her lingering challenges in adulthood. If you are...
2023-09-111h 07Untoxicated PodcastEp207 – Happily in the MiddleSheri and Matt discuss the personality type that often underlies high-functioning alcoholism. Removing the alcohol doesn't change the personality, and for Matt, and millions of others, the work of recovery is understanding their discomfort with contentment. Confused much? Give this one a listen.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2023-09-041h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp205 – The Addiction TriangleAddiction sucks so much of the air from any relationship. Then in early sobriety, recovery work replaces alcohol taking priority over the alcoholic's family. As recovery continues, that third energy intruding on the relationship morphs into replacement addiction and other family issues. Having something there, the third side of the triangle, becomes a compulsive need in and of itself. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how this has manifested in their marriage, and what they are doing about it.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple so...
2023-08-2159 minUntoxicated PodcastEp203 – BraveryBravery is not just about what you do or say or refuse to tolerate. There is another component. Bravery is also about what you are up against. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss his relentlessness as a tyrannical protector of their family secret, and what bravery was in Sheri's circumstances. Sometimes, often really, survival is a remarkable display of tremendous bravery.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and you...
2023-08-0755 minUntoxicated PodcastEp201 – Alcoholic Parenting: Teaching Dishonesty, Fear & HatredEp200 was Cathryn's story. Sheri's and Matt's insightful and intelligent daughter shared her experiences of growing up with high-functioning alcoholism, and she revealed things on that episode that shocked Matt and confirmed Sheri's sadness. On this episode, Sheri and Matt react. This is not about defensiveness. This is about the very start of coming to grips with the destruction. Alcohol has no respect for what we want for our children.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If...
2023-07-241h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp199 – RelapseThere are short-term relapses that last a day or a weekend or a week, and there are long-term relapses that last weeks or months. Can you guess which type of relapse Sheri and Matt have come to believe is more dangerous? Like everything else related to addiction and recovery, the answer is counterintuitive (and worth a listen). Also, Matt guesses right. Kelly Miller's awesome new podcast is called The Addiction Nutritionist Podcast.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@Sob...
2023-07-1057 minUntoxicated PodcastEp197 – The Shame and Hiding Continues after AlcoholThis episode quickly devolves into an hour long therapy session for Matt. He and Sheri talk about judgement, shame and hiding, with a healthy dose of religion and spirituality in reaction to a listener question.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2023-06-2657 minUntoxicated PodcastEp196 – GuiltGuilt can be a motivator. Guilt can be a moral compass. Guilt is not all bad. But the guilt that builds and festers in a family that is dealing with alcoholism is anything but helpful. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the distinction, and offer suggestions for how we can manage the overwhelming guilt experienced in an alcoholic partnership.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery cou...
2023-06-1955 minUntoxicated PodcastEp195 – Back Home Again in Alcohol(ism?)Back home Again in Indiana, and Sheri and Matt were thrust unexpectedly into the deep end of alcohol impact. If you think addiction is required in order for alcohol to leave painful, traumatic memories, give this episode a listen.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2023-06-121h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp194 – Vacation Anxiety and TraumaThe bathing suits, blue ocean waves and smiling faces posted to social media don't tell the true story of vacations for families experiencing alcohol addiction or early sobriety. The truth behind the strained smiles is nothing short of trauma. And the anxiety caused by past vacation implosions can haunt the loved ones for years to come. On this episode, Sheri and Matt are thrilled to host a panel of guests who share their alcohol-impacted vacation experiences.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send yo...
2023-06-051h 03Untoxicated PodcastEp193 – Recovery TimelineSheri and Matt talk about the individual pieces of recovery all the time: resentment processing, nervous system stabilization, trust building, intimacy, etc. But until now, they have never put the pieces together on a timeline. In this episode, they lay out what might be expected as you move through the stages of recovery from alcoholism - as individuals, and as a couple.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and you...
2023-05-2951 minUntoxicated PodcastEp191 – Accountability, Envy, Fear, Anger & Blaming the AlcoholMany of the people finding success in the alcoholism recovery community embrace some form of assigning the blame to the alcohol. And yet, so many people who are trying to recover, both the alcoholics and the loved ones, struggle with this concept. On this episode, Sheri and Matt break it down and try to identify the obstacles that keep people stuck: accountability, envy, fear and anger.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or lov...
2023-05-1555 minUntoxicated PodcastEp189 – Will I Ever Trust Again?Sheri and Matt break trust down into three components: safety, intimacy and honesty. Trust is the last thing to come back in a marriage that has suffered through alcoholism, and understanding how to work on this tripod of relationship recovery is critical. Don't underestimate how much harder repair is versus starting over fresh. Also, Matt shows how old he is by sharing lots of stupid sayings that need generational translation (while Sheri rolls her eyes).
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your qu...
2023-05-0157 minUntoxicated PodcastEp188 – Relapse Threat after RehabThe threat of relapse after an inpatient rehab is real, but the threat is coming from more directions than we might understand. Sheri and Matt talk about threats posed by loss of identity, a lack of emotional expression, and the trading of self-care for stress. Be cautious when those 30 days are up. No matter what the calendar or the insurance company says, growth and discovery are never over. Unless, of course, you aren't opposed to relapse.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send yo...
2023-04-2449 minUntoxicated PodcastEp187 – What is Fun?As a drinker, alcohol was an major component of Matt's identity. And alcohol also influenced how he had fun. Phrases like, "Work hard, play hard," and, "You'll get all the sleep you need when you're dead," were Matt's mantras. So when alcohol is foundational to your identity, and play-hard partying is an emotional motivator, how the hell do you know who you are or how to have fun in sobriety? Sheri and Matt have some laughs, and a few tears, tackling this question.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask th...
2023-04-1753 minUntoxicated PodcastEp186 – Marriages in Recovery Need SexDid the definitive statement of this episode title get your attention? We know there are strong emotions when it comes to sex and intimacy in relationships impacted by alcoholism, and Sheri and Matt continue to try to navigate their own experiences, stirred together with what they are learning both formally and informally. Matt reveals the identity of his intimacy hero, and Sheri starts the episode with a bold statement about why healthy intimacy is important to her. If you are waiting to tackle sex and intimacy when things get better in your relationship, you might want to give this one...
2023-04-101h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp185 – Simply Health Conscious with Graham HawleyGet ready to get your nutrition, exercise and healthy habits on with Graham Hawley - certified health and wellness coach, Matt's soccer buddy and the inspiration behind Sheri's and Matt's plan for resentment processing (if you are sick if hearing the couple talk about weekly meetings, this is the guy you can blame). Follow Graham's excellent videos and other resources @simplyhealthconscious on Instagram or on the web. Now let's get rolling with some healthy habits and some accountability, and let's avoid those lifestyle diseases (like alcoholism).
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you wa...
2023-04-031h 20Untoxicated PodcastEp184 – Danger from WithinWhat happens when the person you trust and most rely on for mutual protection becomes the most dangerous person in your life? Does this sound like a setup for Matt to exaggerate? Hear Sheri's emotion, and decide for yourself. See if you can listen, and still downplay the impact.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out ou...
2023-03-2754 minUntoxicated PodcastEp183 – The Truth Seeping Out with Mindy and DebWarning - Discussion includes talk of self harm.
Living with alcoholism means trying to keep the truth a secret. But as alcoholism progresses, the truth seeps out. Sheri and Matt are joined by Mindy and Deb who have both lived with and loved alcoholics, and share traumatic stories of truth.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check ou...
2023-03-201h 05Untoxicated PodcastEp182 – Navigating Positive, Neutral, Negative and Silent ReactionsSheri and Matt react to Amber Hollingsworth's advice from Ep181 about how the spouse of an alcoholic can respond to the behavior of the person suffering from addiction. Their discussion about their real-life experience demonstrates how challenging these relationships are to navigate, and how unprepared we all are for the impact of alcohol on our lives.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection wi...
2023-03-1349 minUntoxicated PodcastEp181 – Put the Shovel Down with Amber HollingsworthShe is an addiction counselor who values the role of the family in the addiction recovery process. She shares a wealth of resources on her Hope for Families website. But many of our listeners know her for her engaging and informative YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down. She is the one and only Amber Hollingsworth, and to Sheri's and Matt's considerable delight, she is our guest on this episode. We cover a lot of ground from what it means to be addicted to someone, to the impact of the trauma of addiction, to dealing with resentment and restoring intimacy. Amber...
2023-03-061h 13Untoxicated PodcastEp180 – The Role of Intimacy in Relationship RecoverySheri and Matt review Come As You Are, the best-selling book by Dr. Emily Nagoski. They discuss sexual anatomy and how we all have the same parts just organized in different ways. Matt tells Sheri what a clitoris is, and it is worth tuning in for her reaction. They discuss Dr. Nagoski's explanation of what hits the accelerator, and what hits the brakes, when it comes to desire, arousal, intimacy, and orgasm. And they discuss the incredibly important, and mostly ignored or misunderstood, role of circumstantial and mindset context. As if that isn't enough, Sheri and Matt discuss how this a...
2023-02-2753 minUntoxicated PodcastEp179 – Worthiness RoundtableBeing on the receiving end of the lies, gaslighting and manipulation of alcoholism can make it tough to feel worthy. On this special roundtable episode, Sheri and Matt welcome five survivors with lived experience who share their successes and challenges in their battles with worthiness. These are all new voices to the podcast, with important, impactful perspectives.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from con...
2023-02-201h 05Untoxicated PodcastEp178 – The Parents Alcoholism (and Recovery) Made UsSheri and Matt are eager to break some of the generational patterns that resulted in underlying causes of addiction for Matt. In this episode, the couple talks about the habits, instinctual reactions and mannerisms that they are trying not to pass along to their kids. It is not enough to tell the children of alcoholics not to get caught in the web of addiction. We have to create an environment (complete with heaping doses of encouragement and self-esteem) that don't lead to a need to self-medicate.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you wa...
2023-02-1340 minUntoxicated PodcastEp176 – Why Sheri and Matt Are Not Psychologists or TherapistsThe answer to this episode title has morphed over the years from: they couldn't imagine anyone would want to listen to what they have to say, to: "imposter syndrome," to: groups are dynamic, to: the pressure from expectations for answers sounds sucky. Is that run-on sentence confusing? Listen to the episode, and you'll understand why you can be a student and a teachers. Listen all the way to the end, and you can hear Sheri's idea for Matt's billboard advertising campaign.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple so...
2023-01-3049 minUntoxicated PodcastEp174 – Reconciling the Joys of AlcoholThere is no arguing the fact that without alcohol, Sheri and Matt would never have met. It is also an undisputed reality that some of the best times the couple ever experienced were enhanced by alcohol. Now that Sheri and Matt openly despise alcohol for all of the damage it brought to their family, a reconciliation is in order. Before they discuss reconciling the joy and destruction of alcohol, Sheri and Matt answer a listener question about finding confidence and reconnection in sobriety, while the potential for relapse looms.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s qu...
2023-01-1657 minUntoxicated PodcastEp173 – Blame Won’t Fix ItBlame the alcohol, or the alcoholism, but don't blame the person. We say it all the time. But what if the blame isn't just something that occurs once the addiction is firmly in place? What if blame and criticism and attempts to change our partners is one of the underlying causes of addiction? Sheri and Matt discuss the impact of years of mutual criticism and attempts to change each other. And as you'll hear on this episode, they are much happier now just laughing at each other.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do yo...
2023-01-0957 minUntoxicated PodcastEp172 – Here Comes the Hard PartSo you made it through the holidays...well, definitely don't let your guard down yet. January is really hard in early sobriety, and it is hard for the loved ones trying to avoid emotional relapses. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the emotional drivers from the holidays that impact our self-esteem, and they give tips about what to do to have a mentally healthy start to the year.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you...
2023-01-0254 minUntoxicated PodcastEp171 – Community SHOUT-OutsOn this one-of-a-kind episode, Sheri and Matt have compiled the answers to this simple prompt from 17 participants in the SHOUT Sobriety and Echoes of Recovery groups: What does community mean to you? There are a lot of resonating sentiments and powerful statements in the words of the people who understand the transformational impact of community. To move past the Sheri and Matt introduction to the clips from our people, skip to the 19 minute mark.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to...
2022-12-261h 02Untoxicated PodcastEp170 – Generational Trauma: Breaking the CycleSheri and Matt knew they would hand down important lessons about faith and work ethic and loyalty and love of family to their kids. What they didn't initially know was that they would also hand down troubling mannerisms, emotions and disruptions to the nervous system that would haunt their children. And the really complex part is that now that they know, there are still things Sheri and Matt struggle to stop reinforcing. I guess they learned their generationally traumatic lessons well. Breaking the cycle is hard.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener's question. Do you want...
2022-12-191h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp168 – The Orgasm Gap and Addiction: Connecting the DotsThe only thing Matt knew about a connection between orgasms and addiction when he was in active alcoholism was that he sure liked to have sex when he was drinking. But now he has done the research, and Sheri and Matt connect the dots explaining the reason for the orgasm gap between men and women, and how challenges with sexual pleasure and satisfaction are both an underlying cause of, and also a result from, alcoholism. Not only do they identify this problem that starts in K-12 public school education, but they also invite Kathy back to the podcast to discuss...
2022-12-051h 06Untoxicated PodcastEp166 – When Motivation Morphs into AddictionDo you find satisfaction in an accomplishment, or does an achievement just drive you to keep pushing forward? If you, like Matt, relate to the latter, watch out! You just might be on a path toward addiction. On this episode, Sheri and Matt take a listener's question, and explain how motivation contributed to Matt's high-functioning alcoholism. Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of R...
2022-11-2158 minUntoxicated PodcastEp154 – Intimacy is VulnerabilitySheri and Matt dive deep into Sheri's favorite topic: intimacy. But this discussion might not be what you are expecting. They separate emotional intimacy from sex, and describe emotional intimacy as the ultimate vulnerability (complete with figurative nudity). Emotional intimacy is both really difficult (made infinitely harder by alcohol abuse), and also a key to relationship recovery. Confused much? Give it a listen, and see if you agree with their expertless assertions. Stick around to hear Sheri talk about stepping on Matt's unit. OK...it is a little bit about sex.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your...
2022-08-2900 minUntoxicated PodcastEp135 – Denial: Delaying the InevitableMatt spent ten years working himself through the cycle of active alcoholism into permanent sobriety. What could have been accomplished in a year, took Matt a decade to process. Why the delay? Denial. Both Sheri and Matt were in denial about the demon they faced. In this episode, they discuss their denial in detail in the hopes that others can move through the process of finding recovery faster than they did. The episode ends with an epically bad joke the sends Sheri scurrying from the room.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection...
2022-04-1853 minUntoxicated PodcastEp133 – Sheri’s Return to Open-Minded ListeningDuring his active addiction and early sobriety, Matt never had an idea that Sheri was interested in hearing about. Whether it was his arrogance, his gaslighting or his mistakes, new ideas just meant challenges and heartache for Sheri. But things are different now. Sheri welcomes Matt's suggestions, and the couple discusses their plans and ideas as a true partnership focused on their mutual best interest. They also enjoy euchre much more than in Matt's drinking days. There's lots of uplifting laughter in this episode.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people...
2022-04-0443 minUntoxicated PodcastEp125 – How did Addiction and Sobriety Feel for Sheri?Experiencing the addiction and early sobriety of a loved one can feel painful, lonely, chaotic, traumatic, isolating and terrorizing for the spouses of alcoholics. On this episode, Matt asks Sheri to recall the emotions she experienced in different stages of the process. The first step to recovery is to realize you are not alone. If you are married to an alcoholic, and you are stuck in painful confusion, this episode might start to unlock a path forward.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes o...
2022-02-071h 08Untoxicated PodcastEp123 – The “Hot Mess” of Intimacy in an Alcoholic RelationshipTrust and alcoholism can't coexist. Intimacy is impossible without trust and vulnerability. So, alcoholism and intimacy are mutually exclusive. If you are in an alcoholic relationship, something important is missing (but you already know that). On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the two paths sexual contact can take in an alcoholic marriage. They explain the childbirth fork in the road, and challenge their own assumptions about maturity. The couple discusses why it is so hard to communicate about satisfaction, and pin the blame for a lot of the dysfunction on a sex education curriculum that is designed to...
2022-01-241h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp121 – The Blame Game Keeps Us StuckAs an active alcoholic, Matt put a lot of the blame for their dysfunctional marriage on Sheri. In early sobriety, he blamed himself for the overwhelming shame he felt. The whole time, Sheri was convinced Matt and his drinking were to blame. Once the couple learned to blame the alcohol, treat alcoholism like the disease that it is, and think of the addict as a third person separate from Matt, there was some relief. But sobriety doesn't fix anything, and that realization is where the work started. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how alcoholics in recovery can't...
2022-01-1057 minUntoxicated PodcastEp114 – Thanksgiving Dread, Drinks and DramaAlcohol plays such a prominent role in the Thanksgiving celebrations in our society that the holiday deserves a conversation all its own. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive their Thanksgivings during his active alcoholism and his early sobriety. They also flex their SNL fanclub muscles, and Matt grosses Sheri out talking about eating the turkey neck. We hope you gobble up this episode (there's the pun you were waiting for).
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
2021-11-2241 minUntoxicated PodcastEp113 – Prodependence with Dr. Robert WeissSheri and Matt welcome Dr. Robert Weiss, the author of Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, to the Untoxicated Podcast. Dr. Rob has his PhD (he did his dissertation on codependency) and a masters in social work, and is an expert on addiction and adult intimacy disorders. He explains why codependence is not an actual diagnosis, and the blame and shame that the label carries is damaging to the loved ones of alcoholics. He calls the spouses and family of people suffering from addiction heroes, and explains why the concept of Prodependence is so much more accurate and effective because it celebrates...
2021-11-151h 07Untoxicated PodcastEp112 – We Can’t Nurture Success with NegativityHow do we expect positive outcomes in recovery when all of the language we use has a negative orientation? Stop drinking. Fix your spiritual deficiency. Don't be codependent. Focusing on positive outcomes is more than fluffy self-help jargon. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the kinds of fundamental changes required for the recovery community to earn improved success rates. Matt quotes Dr. Abby Medcalf (Untoxicated Ep90) and Dr. Robert Weiss (Author of Prodependence and future Untoxicated guest) about the importance of positivity in the work they do with people in recovery. After the recording stops, Sheri makes fun o...
2021-11-0854 minUntoxicated PodcastEp111 – Haunting Memories of Alcoholic HalloweensHalloween specifically, and autumn in general, is a season with high rates of relapse and drunken trauma. We are intentionally releasing this episode about haunting memories of Halloweens in early November because we know so many of our listeners have just suffered traumatic alcoholic experiences, and we want to empathetically and supportively share our painful recollections. You are not alone! This episode starts with Sheri and Matt recalling Matt's love/hate relationship with Halloween starting from childhood. Just as alcoholism is a progressive disease, the terrorizing events of October 31st progress through this episode until Sheri gives an angry and...
2021-11-011h 08Untoxicated PodcastEp108 – Sex with Sheri and MattWhen Sheri and Matt were seeking expert advise on restoring intimacy and growing closer together in their post-alcoholic marriage, they turned to the Emily's: Dr. Emily Morse of the Sex with Emily podcast, and Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the best selling book, Come as You Are. On this episode, Sheri and Matt share the core messages from both the Emily's, and relate what they have learned to their relationship recovery work.
As promised in the episode, here is a link to Dr. Emily Nagoski's website where you, our listener, can invite her to join Sheri and Matt on the Un...
2021-10-1100 minUntoxicated PodcastEp105 – Disconnected: The Needs of a Couple in RecoveryWhen Matt thought he most needed Sheri's support and sympathy while he was in early sobriety, Sheri was detached and focused on her own healing and independence. It turns out, Sheri's detachment might have saved the marriage. What the alcoholic needs, and what the loved one needs from the recovery process, are counterintuitive and seemingly at odds. That's one of the reasons we describe alcoholism as a diabolical disease. But there is a way to navigate sobriety as individuals, and make the relationship thrive in the end.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from...
2021-09-2047 minUntoxicated PodcastEp101 – Relationship Relapse Part 2We received so much feedback about "Ep99 - Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: Relapse", that Sheri and Matt felt compelled to address it in this unplanned follow-up episode. Some listeners were surprised to learn that challenges linger in extended recovery. Others empathized with the continued struggle. Still others felt like Matt's insecurities continue while Sheri continues to suffer from his gaslighting. In this "Part 2" episode, Sheri and Matt address all of it. And they discuss Matt's theories that self-esteem is the opposite of addiction, and trust is the opposite of the chaos of an alcoholic relationship.
If you love or loved an...
2021-08-231h 07Untoxicated PodcastEp100 – A Recorded Session of Our Echoes of Recovery Group100! This is episode 100! What better way could there be to celebrate than by hosting the people the podcast is for, and who inspire the topics we discuss. For Ep100, Sheri and Matt welcome Jessica, Kim, Suzy, Karen, Nickie, Barbara, Haley and Suzanne from our Echoes of Recovery program. This expert panel discusses why a support network is crucial to the successful recovery of the loved ones of alcoholics. These eight guests are veteran members of Echoes, and they are an inspiration to Sheri and Matt to keep going and keep being vulnerable. We are not alone. We share a story...
2021-08-161h 07Untoxicated PodcastEp99 – Seven Fourteen Twenty-One: ReplapseNo alcohol, nor any other drugs, were involved in the making of this episode. This is about a relationship relapse back into the pit of hell. It is said that when we see devastation, we can't unsee it. Once we've experienced hopeless despair, we leave breadcrumbs on the shortcut that leads back to painful desperation. For Sheri and Matt, July 14, 2021 was the most crushing day of their marriage. Alcoholism is brutal and insidious, and the destruction continues long after the drinking ends. For Sheri and Matt, the good days far outnumber the bad. But the wounds are easy to reopen...
2021-08-0953 minUntoxicated PodcastEp96 – Soberaholic: Work is the New AlcoholSobriety has brought improvement to the lives of Sheri and Matt and their family, but it has created a whole new set of problems, too. Matt is now reliable, predictable, and even safe and approachable. But he is not any fun.
In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss Matt's ridiculous work hours he uses, in part, to fill the void left behind by alcohol, and the impact it is having on their family. Can you hear Harry Chapin warming up? Matt's kids can, and he is determined to reverse the overworked trend.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and...
2021-07-1959 minUntoxicated PodcastEp95 – Is My Spouse’s Alcoholism My Fault?There are a variety of reasons an alcoholic blames his drinking on his spouse. Matt should know. He consistently blamed his alcoholism on Sheri for all the different reasons. And now, he is here to say that the reasons are all bullshit. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the causes of this most potent form of gaslighting, and why it is so dangerous and utterly ridiculous.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.
Echoes of Recovery
2021-07-1247 minUntoxicated PodcastEp93 – Vacations and Holidays in an Alcoholic RelationshipWhen Matt was actively drinking, Sheri had to deal with three unappealing characteristics of her alcoholic husband when on vacations or celebrating holidays: his moods were unpredictable, he was needy, and the alcohol accentuated his insecurities. There was nothing festive, and very little that was enjoyable, about vacationing with an alcoholic. Now, in significant sobriety, life continues for Sheri, while Matt is curious why she isn't more enthusiastic about the improvement. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss one of the most significant disconnects between the ex-drinker and the loved one in an alcoholic relationship in recovery.
If you love...
2021-06-2851 minUntoxicated PodcastEp90 – Your Communication Problem is Really a Competition Problem with Abby MedcalfSheri and Matt welcome Dr. Abby Medcalf to the podcast. Abby is an author, a podcast host, a speaker, a psychologist, a recovery survivor, and has over 30 years of experience working with relationships and people in recovery. She tells Sheri and Matt why couples who think they have a communication problem almost always have a competition problem, and she explains why the person in the relationship in the most pain has to change first and give 100%. Abby's enthusiasm and vibrant story-telling matches her experience and intelligence to make this a master-class level episode.
To learn more about Abby, or to...
2021-06-071h 06Untoxicated PodcastEp86 – Why are We Together?: The Subtle Discovery of SobrietySheri took Mother's Day off from recording this episode, so Matt spends a lot of time talking about her...in endearing terms. Our listeners will surely miss Sheri's laugh, and miss resonating with her tears, but Matt tries to make up for that by explaining the love the couple has found in the subtlety of sobriety - a love that was unavailable when alcohol was impacting the relationship. We hope you'll listen all the way through, because the juicy part, and the lesson they learned, is at the end of this one.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and...
2021-05-1045 minUntoxicated PodcastEp85 – The Mental Health of MediocracyMost people are aware of the violent swings in the emotional and behavioral highs and lows of active alcoholism. What surprises many is the self-medication that the loved ones of alcoholics engage in to manage their own emotional highs and low. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the equally serious, although less obvious, pain and damage suffered by the loved ones of alcoholics, Sheri makes up her own word (that we later realize is a real word), and Matt compares himself to arguably the world's best golfer (and Matt doesn't play golf). They also dispute the assertion that the...
2021-05-0356 minUntoxicated PodcastEp84 – My Alcoholic Lies: Innocent or Evil?When Matt was in top form as an alcoholic drinker, he was also extremely proficient as a lier and gaslighter. And yet, with piles of evidence to the contrary staring him in the face, he was adamant about how thoroughly honest he was. How can that be?
Sheri, on the other hand, knew the real truth about the denials and excuses. She fluctuated between anger and disgust as she watched Matt spiral deeper into addiction to alcohol.
Were the lies evil? Where they innocent? Can Matt and Sheri both find compassion and empathy for the lies of the alcoholic? We...
2021-04-2654 minUntoxicated PodcastEp83 – Our Own Worst Enemies: Triggers and SolutionsBeating ourselves up when feeling less than worthy is a common part of the human experience. Once culture and society warp our childhood innocence, our self-worth deteriorates. As an alcoholic, Matt drank to make the low self-confidence go away. As the loved one of an alcoholic, Sheri threw herself into projects and cleaning to mask her pain from unrealized expectations. They both had unhealthy patterns of self-criticism, and they both dealt with them in unhealthy ways.
On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss some of the most common triggers of self-loathing, and what they are trying to do to move...
2021-04-191h 07Untoxicated PodcastEp82 – Stuck Behind Booze on the Alcoholic’s Priority ListFrom taking the family to see ice skating princesses, to venturing into the wooded mountains to cut down a Christmas Tree, Matt was all about spending time with his family. They were his first priority, after all. At least that's how it looked to anyone outside his immediate household. But Sheri knew the truth: that alcohol was always his first priority, until sobriety replaced it atop the priority list. In both cases, Sheri and the family remained second to the consumption and aftermath of alcohol. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how the truth felt to both of...
2021-04-1254 minUntoxicated PodcastEp78 – ComYoukneekashon MistakesSheri and Matt agree that the single greatest barrier to loving recovery that most couples face when trying to yank their alcoholic marriages out of the ditch is communication. On this episode, they discuss the seven mistakes they consistently made when trying to communicate. See if you can hear the one of the seven that still plagues them over four years into Matt's sobriety. Here's a hint: It's the one where they stop laughing and sound unsure of themselves. Then, Sheri and Matt offer the most impactful tool they've adopted to improve their communication and move them down the path...
2021-03-151h 09Untoxicated PodcastEp77 – Connecting Trauma and Health with Catherine CraigCatherine Craig (LSCSW, 1000YT) joins Sheri and Matt to talk about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE Study), attachment theory and the trauma of experiencing an alcoholic marriage. They discuss that trauma doesn't have to be severe enough to make a good Law and Order: SVU episode in order for it to do us massive harm, and we have to stop downplaying the impact trauma and stress have on our health, not just our mental health. Catherine points to high ACE scores and chronic stress as causes of shortened life spans, and talks to Sheri and Matt about the seven easy things...
2021-03-081h 00Untoxicated PodcastEp72 – Another Day Closer to Forever with Dana and FrankSheri and Matt welcome Dana and Frank to the pocast. This is the first time they have interviewed a couple working to recover their marriage. Frank has over a year of sobriety, and they feel like they are going to make it. But it hasn't been easy, and they know they are among the rare few who save their marriages in recovery. Frank has a very realistic perspective on the patience required to get there. "The only way I was going to convince Dana this was a long-term fix was by doing it long term," he explains. Dana tells Sheri...
2021-02-011h 03Untoxicated PodcastEp69 – Should I Stay or Should I Go?This is the question we hear most often from our listeners, so on this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how she processed this painful decision in their alcoholic marriage. Matt asks Sheri about how the influences of parenting, finances and career, family and friends, community, home life, sex, love and hope impacted her decision to stay. There are no easy answers, but separating instincts from insecurities is a necessity. And while Sheri shocks Matt by not correctly identifying The Clash as the artists who sang, "Should I Stay or Should I Go," she does correctly identify them as the same...
2021-01-111h 06Untoxicated PodcastEp68 – Can Anyone Hear Me? Communication Challenges in Sheri’s RecoveryFamily communication is fraught with pitfalls whether alcoholism is a factor or not. But with sobriety, we can make progress in our discovery. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss a family communication issue made worse by Matt's dismissal of Sheri's concerns and challenges. Ultimately, it was triggering for both of them and reminiscent of behavior from their alcoholic marriage. But Sheri's instincts persevered, and this story is emblematic of the couple's progress. In this episode, Sheri and Matt get excited about Jane's suggestion to replace the word, "recovery," with the word, "discovery." To hear more insights from Jane, please...
2021-01-0443 minUntoxicated PodcastEp66 – Be the Hero and Save YourselfLow self esteem, insecurity and negative self talk - these issues plague so many of us, and they are particularly detrimental to people who love alcoholics and are trying to recover from trauma and codependency. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss how women learn to say yes to gain approval and get what they want. Often, strength and real boundaries come when the spouse feels the kids are threatened or neglected. When the wife of an alcoholic prioritizes herself and is her own hero, she does so to the benefit of everyone in her life.
Sheri and Matt cover...
2020-12-141h 03Untoxicated PodcastEp64 – soberevolution: Who Should Read this Book?Our book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage, isn't for everybody. It is for high-functioning alcoholics who are considering sobriety, are sober, or should be sober. It is also for the loved ones of alcoholics who need to better understand the disease in order to heal and recover the relationship. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss why this book is important for people impacted by alcoholism. Spoiler alert: It isn't important because of all the money selling books makes. Sheri also teases Matt about his fear of gum-chewing addiction for their kids, and Sheri makes up a...
2020-11-301h 04Untoxicated PodcastEp62 – You’ve Done Nothing Wrong. Why are you So Ashamed?The shame of alcoholism is not reserved only for the drinkers. The loved ones of drinkers feel an enormous amount of shame - for letting it get so bad and for being unable to fix the problems in the relationship. And when the gaslighting of the drinker makes the loved one question her own sanity, the shame mounts to debilitating levels.
But there is hope. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the shame they both felt in their alcoholic marriage, and the keys to moving past it and feeling proud, confident, and on the road to healing and recovery...
2020-11-161h 04Untoxicated PodcastEp54 – Jane’s Pain and Anger from Being In ItIf you've listened to the Untoxicated Podcast before, you know Sheri's and Matt's story is not unique, because you are probably in the middle of a similar trauma. Still, experiencing alcoholism, as the drinker or as the loved one, is a tremendously isolating and lonely place to be. To help you feel less alone, Sheri and Matt invited Jane to share her pain and anger on this episode. Jane talks about how frustrating it is to be in the middle of it and find resources that resonate. There is clinical advice from people who learned about surviving addiction from books a...
2020-09-211h 21Untoxicated PodcastEp53 – Inspiration from Matt’s MediocrityListeners and readers often share that they can't imagine their alcoholic spouses reaching the level of clarity that Matt and Sheri share on this podcast. Matt is nothing special, and his mediocrity should inspire others to believe an enlightened recovery from alcoholism is possible.
In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the heaviness that penetrates everything. Matt runs through his lack-luster life accomplishments, and Sheri rethinks her life choices. They try to lighten the mood and bring reality to the societal burden alcoholism has become.
Sheri's and Matt's new book, soberevolution: Evolve into Sobriety and Recover Your Alcoholic Marriage is...
2020-09-1454 minUntoxicated PodcastEp52 – A Message for Your Alcoholic PartnerAs an active alcoholic, Matt thought all of his attempts to control his drinking, his pontifications about how it would be different this time, and his complaints about how bad he felt after a binge, were of interest to Sheri. They were not. In fact, over time, they drove a wedge of resentment into the marriage that would take years to extract. Sobriety didn't fix anything. When the alcohol was gone, the problems became more obvious.
In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk directly to the alcoholics and try to deliver a potentially marriage-saving message. It's not her fault. She's...
2020-09-0757 minUntoxicated PodcastEp51 – How Sheri’s Cold Detachment Contributed to Matt’s SobrietyAfter a decade of developing disdain for her alcoholic husband, the disease transformed Sheri into a bit of bitch. And now, looking back, no one is happier about the bitchiness than Matt.
Sheri and Matt talk about the internal pain that Matt required in order to finally make it over the hump to permanent sobriety. The alcohol-induced depression and anxiety were debilitating, but the extremely cold shoulder from his wife was painful as well. And it was a major contributing factor in his eventual recovery. Sheri set boundaries and detached before she knew what either of those terms meant. We...
2020-08-3139 minUntoxicated PodcastEp49 – Getting from Here to the Relationship You WantSobriety doesn't fix anything, but it is a prerequisite for recovery from an alcoholic marriage. Once we realize we have removed alcohol, and our relationship is getting worse, we've got a lot of work to do. And the journey is a bitch. On this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how much scarier recovery is than addiction, learning to listen to our instincts, moving past insecurities and why trust isn't just something you push through and make yourself feel. This one is deep, and we hope our stumbling and fumbling will make the task of recovery a little smoother for...
2020-08-1058 minUntoxicated PodcastEp46 – Impact: Here’s Why You’re Not a FailureRecovery is not a binary choice. You are not a success if you are sober, and a failure if you relapse. The same is true for the loved ones of alcoholics. Perfection should not be the goal. Progress should. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about the impact that we make on the people around us in our pursuit of recovery from our alcoholic marriage. Sheri calls it transformation (helpful), and Matt talks about Olympic javelin throwers stabbing themselves in the foot (less helpful). They both agree the destination is worth the effort when it comes to transforming out...
2020-07-2056 minUntoxicated PodcastEp44 – You Drank Yourself Silly: The Brain Chemistry of AlcoholismIf you are the loved one of an alcoholic, it is easy to blame poor lifestyle choices and lack of willpower for the jam your abusive drinker has gotten the both of you into. But it is far more complex than that, and tragically misunderstood. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the brain chemistry of alcoholism. We especially look at it from Sheri's perspective as her opinions changed through her education and understanding of what was really going on in Matt's noggin.
If you resonate with this conversation, and you are seeking support for your recovery as the loved...
2020-07-0656 minUntoxicated PodcastEp38 – It Turns Out My Wife’s Not a BitchI had a huge ego as an active alcoholic. I thought I was great. My wife, Sheri, found me repulsive and stupid, and she felt betrayed by my love of alcohol. When I stopped drinking, Sheri's feelings and attitude did not automatically change. I was sober and our relationship continued to deteriorate. I thought I was married to a bitch.
In this episode, Matt and Sheri talk about my awakening - my realization that our relationship problems were not all her fault. The challenge of blaming the disease, and having patience in recovery, is what trips up most relationships in...
2020-05-0847 minUntoxicated PodcastEp37 – It’s Sheri’s Turn: A Sense of Recovery UrgencyActive alcoholism is selfish, but everyone knows that. Early sobriety is equally selfish, but this time, for a good reason. For Matt and Sheri, our relationship has long been about prioritizing Matt's needs while Sheri holds it all together. But the pressure has been building through it all, and without a recovery plan of her own, no amount of time heals the wounds. So now, it is Sheri's turn to be priority number one in the relationship and in her recovery.
2020-04-2749 minUntoxicated PodcastEp36 – Sheri’s Lingering Fears from the Trauma of AlcoholismThree years into recovery from Matt's alcoholism, fearful anticipation lingers for Sheri. In this episode, we discuss the worry and anxiety that Sheri feels when bringing up even the most innocent and uncontroversial of topics, and we talk about how Matt is less judgemental than he was as an arrogant alcoholic. We also laugh about fake poop and dirty underwear.
2020-04-1439 min