Matthew Ulmen - Podcast Details

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Inappropriate ConversationsTalkBack 81: Singing a Song for LoversIt is not possible for me to look back to February 2012 and Inappropriate Conversations #81 and not think of community. It's particularly true this year. This recording would not have been possible without a strong, supportive online community, one that now seems to be gone. At the same time, another online community, Pride48, is providing deeply meaningful support for its participants at the news that one of our podcasters has died, too young and suddenly. This is the right time for the voices of old friends to be ringing in my ears. RIP, Matthew Ulmen 2019-02-121h 10 $Rendal\'s Ravings$ Rendal's RavingsSpecial: Trion's Rift SoundtrackThis is the full Rift soundtrack I got with the Collector's Edition. All tracks credited to Inon Zur. I wanted to share this since I got it and thought of doing a torrent file of them all but thought this would be easier and more legal way of sharing. Enjoy the music :). Title Theme Game Intro Guardian Theme (Sanctum) Mathosia Silverwood Gloamwood Defiant Theme (Meridian) Terminus Freemarch Stonefield Scralet Gorge Droughtlands Scarwood Reach Moonshade Highlands Iron Pike Peak Shimmersand Stillmoor 2011-03-1252 min $Rendal\'s Ravings$ Rendal's RavingsRendal's Thoughts #3-Second Life And WoW Argent Dawn thoughtsWell not probably anything deep, just talking about drama and how it has ruined a lot of fun I have had in both games. With Second Life, oddly enough success is part of the problem. Lost Angels started on the Satellite sim and was limited to 40 people. If you weren't one of them you stood at the border waiting for someone to leave or crash to get in. Because of that drama and fighting was controlled a bit. Now LA is on its own sim, with several other sims bordering that can be easily crossed. thus when people have...2010-12-2920 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 23, 2010Bozo Criminal Report We're not sure, but we think the Spirit of Christmas may have led our bozo for today away from a life of crime. From Sacramento, California, comes the story of an unidentified cab rider who pulled a knife on the driver and then apparently thought better of it. He put the knife away and when he fled the cab, he left behind payment for the fare plus a tip. Police say our bozo won't be charged.2010-12-2301 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 22, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Picayune, Mississippi, where bozo Robert Haynes went to a local cemetery to take pictures of ghosts. Or at least that's what he told the cops. After they arrested him for indecent exposure. As he explained to the police, he had to take off his clothes because a naked body is the best canvas to show off the spirits orbs of energy. The cops believe his plan was to show off something else. He's busted!2010-12-2201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 21, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today's report. From West Linn, Oregon, comes the story of bozo Zelda Foster who broke into a residence and stole some computer equipment, jewelry and clothes and stuffed it all in a large duffel bag, which she also took from the house. Finding that she simply had too much stuff to carry, she did what any bozo would do, she called for backup. Unfortunately, she decided to call 911 to ask for a ride home. She's busted!2010-12-2201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 20, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 55987: Let your getaway driver in on what's going on. From Elysian, Minnesota, comes the story of 70-year-old Sandra Barron who asked the son of a friend if he could please drive her to the bank. He was glad to do it and waited in the car while she went inside and robbed the place. When she returned to the car with her cash, he casually drove away. He never noticed when the bank vice president jumped in his car and followed them. He also never noticed when the...2010-12-2001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 17, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from Gadsden, Alabama, where a group of bozos held up a bank, getting away with an undetermined amount of cash. Our bozos were making their getaway when an officer noticed something strange about their car. Something was flying out of the windows as the vehicle sped down the highway. And that something was cash. Lots of cash. He turned around and gave chase, but not for long, as the bozos soon crashed their vehicle and fled into the nearby woods. They're under arrest.2010-12-1701 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 16, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Wigan, England, where thieves stole a batch of pies as they were on the way to the World Pie Eating Championships. This would not ordinarily have been newsworthy except for the secret ingredient that the chef had placed into the pies to prevent the potatoes from becoming mushy. Viagra. Yep, the chef placed Viagra into the pies to keep the potatoes firm. The local police chief says, and we quote, "the local folk should be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals." There's nothing...2010-12-1601 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 15, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from East Wenatchee, Washington, where an unidentified bozo robbed a woman and grabbed her purse after threatening to shoot her. Our bozo took off running toward what he thought was his approaching getaway vehicle. Unfortunately, it wasn't. It was a marked patrol car, driven by an officer who had slowed down after he noticed what was happening. Oops. He's under arrest.2010-12-1601 min $Rendal\'s Ravings$ Rendal's RavingsRendal's Rant-You're Dying Joey Bucheker...Really?I am so sick of this. I heard on the podcast Greetings from Nowhere that a podcast one of the hosts liked is up for a podcast award. Hey good for them. I even got invited to a group about voting for them which I thought the lady created. So I voted once out of respect to a friend. Then the spam started. Every day I got a reminder to vote. I just ignored most of them since I didn't care as I'd never listened. Then I got one today, the title? "Dear Friends, I'm Dying". I blinked and...2010-12-1405 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 14, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from the Orange County Jail in Santa Ana, California, where bozo Malcolm Carson was tired of the salami sandwiches he was being served. So, he filed a protest about the jailhouse food, citing religious beliefs. And the religious holiday that he named that required Kosher food wasn't Hanukkah. He said he needed Kosher food to celebrate Festivus. Festivus is the fictional holiday that was celebrated with the airing of grievances and feats of strength on the Seinfeld TV show. His request has been th 2010-12-1401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 13, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from the Political Division. From McAlester, Oklahoma, comes the story of bozo state representative Terry Harrison who was very proud of himself when he bagged a piebald, white-tailed deer. He was so proud, he called the media to brag about his prize. Unfortunately, a game warden read the newspaper story about the deer and realized that the representative likely was in violation of state hunting regulations since he didn't have a permit to shoot the animal. Oops. And our bozo should have known better...2010-12-1401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 10, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from our "'Tis the Season" file. From the International File in Montabaur, Germany, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who answered the door of his home to find the police standing outside. They informed him that they had received reports that he might be in possession of marijuana. Our bozo co-operated with the officers and turned over 5.5 ounces of pot and as they were leaving one of the officers noticed the lovely Christmas tree that our bozo had nicely decorated. As he took a closer look at the tree, he...2010-12-1001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 9, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo for today comes from New York City, and we'll leave it up to you to decide who's the criminal here. 80-year-old Delia Greer was walking to the subway station when she tossed a newspaper into a city trash bin. An officer quickly approached and began writing her a citation. It seems the city trash cans are for "litter only" and a personal newspaper doesn't qualify. Even though Delia offered to reach in and remove the paper, the sanitation cop refused to take back the ticket. Merry &$&S%^& Christmas! Delia says she'll appeal.2010-12-0902 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 8, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Bolingbrook, Illinois, where bozo Robert Otto was out on probation for a prior burglary charge. Police answering a call of a burglary at a residence noticed something strange. The home had been broken into before, about a year and a half ago. And many of the items that were stolen this time had been recovered when the previous case had been solved. And who do you think had pulled the previous crime? Yep, our out-on-parole bozo. Further investigation determined he had returned to the home to finish what he had...2010-12-0801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 7, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Butler, Pennsylvania, where bozo Chad Carson stole a car, which he found unlocked with the keys inside. Our bozo had been drinking and his reflexes apparently weren't too good and before he got very far he crashed the vehicle into a utility pole. Finding himself uninjured, our bozo simply jumped out of the car and fled. No problems, right? Wrong. When he ran away he left his wallet and cellphone inside the car. He's busted!2010-12-0700 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 6, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Clarence, New York where an unidentified bozo dialed a number that he thought belonged to his drug dealer and told the person on the other end of the line that he was looking "to score" drugs. Unfortunately he mis-dialed and, instead of getting his dealer, he called the local "Crime Stoppers." The cop on the other end of the line played along and set up a meeting with undercover officers. In the spirit of the holiday season, the cops let our bozo off after he agreed to give them the...2010-12-0601 min $Rendal\'s Ravings$ Rendal's RavingsRendal's Thoughts #2- World of Warcraft, The ShatteringSorry for the break, I've had trouble being sick a lot lately, usually with a bad cough so doing this was rather difficult. Today I talk about the WoW event the Shattering and its affect on the alliance Capital Stormwind. The effect being, the Park got morphed into a barracks and destroyed, A queen I didn't even know was there to begin with died, and everyone else went back to work like nothing happened. All of the NPC's are still there, all saying the same thing. I know after a while you have to move on but aside from...2010-12-0518 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 3, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from Edmond, Oklahoma where bozos Ailene Bowen and Shirley Tate tried to shoplift some items from the local TJ Maxx store. The items included four pair of boots, three pair of jeans, a wallet and gloves. You'd have to wonder where they would try to hide such a large number of items. You'd probably never think of the location. Our bozos tried to smuggle the items in the copious folds of fat on their bodies. Maybe they needed to gain a few more pounds. Security guards noticed their rather lumpy appearance...2010-12-0502 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report December 2, 2010Bozo Criminal Report With the arrival of cold weather across the nation, it's once again time to point out that snow and bozos don't mix. From Bend, Oregon, comes the story of bozo Bobby Davis who broke into a business, took some cash and headed back to his motel room. This might have been a successful crime in the summer...but it's winter. And winter in Oregon means there could be snow on the ground. And there was. Police simply followed the tracks in the snow from the break in back to our bozo's motel room. He's under arrest.2010-12-0201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 30, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today's report from Buffalo, New York. Bozo Edward Toll broke into a house by kicking in the front door. The noise awoke the female occupant who grabbed a baseball bat and chased him out of the house. Undeterred, our bozo regrouped and tried again, this time climbing through a window on the front of the residence. Or almost climbing through. Apparently that second helping of stuffing on Thanksgiving did him in. He got stuck halfway into the house. And that's exactly where the officers found him...2010-11-3001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 29, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Gripperie-Saint-Symphorien, France, where a duck farmer had his farm raided by the police who found 12 marijuana plants and 11 pounds of bagged pot on the premises. It was when they tried to place him under arrest that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the police that he fed the ducks marijuana to worm them. We've heard of "contented cows"...but "contented ducks"? Police didn't buy the excuse. He's busted!2010-11-2901 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 24, 2010Bozo Criminal Report With Thanksgiving rapidly approaching, we have an appropriate Bozo story for you today. From New York City comes the story of bozo Sal Leon who donned a mask, grabbed his gun and stormed into a pizzeria, demanding cash. He was handed a large bag by a pizza shop employee and quickly fled the scene. Um...maybe he asked for "dough" instead of "cash" because that's what he got. The bag was full of pizza dough. He's under arrest.2010-11-2401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 23, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today proves once again that the old phrase, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" doesn't apply in the Bozo World. From Kalamazoo, Michigan comes the story of bozo Charles Haskins who walked into a convenience store and demanded cash. The clerk told him no way and our bozo turned around and walked out. Thinking he would try a different approach, our bozo returned to the store a short time later and this time told the clerk he had a weapon and again demanded cash. The clerk again declined, but this...2010-11-2401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 22, 2010Bozo Criminal Report No criminals involved in today's story, but there are still plenty of bozos to go around. From Weehawken, New Jersey comes the story of the Ladies of Envy dance troupe who had traveled all the way from Jacksonville, Florida to make an appearance on the BET Network's "106 & Park" show. Unfortunately, they were running late and you know how notoriously slow New York traffic is. After they got stuck in the tunnel that connects New Jersey and New York City, the dancers jumped out of their limo and decided to try to sprint to the TV studio...2010-11-2401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 19, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Homestead, Pennsylvania, where bozo Thomas Carl walked into the local Subway and filled out a job application form. Guess he must have needed a job really bad because when they didn't hire him on the spot, he flashed a gun and held up the place, getting away with a small amount of cash. He forgot one small detail, however...that job application he filled out. With his mother's address and phone number on it. Mom told the cops where he could be found and he was placed under arrest.2010-11-1900 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 18, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Our bozo for today from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club doesn't exactly qualify as a criminal, but no doubt she's a bozo. From Lincoln, Nebraska, comes the story of bozo Tiffani Wheeler who was fed up with her boyfriend. So fed up, in fact, that she held him down and tried to slice a tattoo of her name off his neck. He was able to escape with only minor injuries. She's been ordered to stay away from sharp objects.2010-11-1800 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 17, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tonypandy, Wales, where a bozo group of thieves made off with $11,000 worth of rings from a local jewelry store. Now, what do you do with a bunch hot jewelry? You try to sell it, of course. Maybe on eBay? Nope. Perhaps on the street corner? No. Try to sell it to another jewelry store? Yep, that's what they did. And to add to their problems, they tried to sell the hot merchandise at another branch of the same jewelry store they had just robbed. Bad idea...2010-11-1701 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 16, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Now that all the passengers are home safe and sound from that ill-fated Carnival cruise, we can reveal that there was at least one Bozo on board. As the thousands of passengers were disembarking in San Diego, bozo Wendy Taylor was seen being taken off in handcuffs. It seems our unfortunate bozo didn't realize that a customs check is done on all passengers before they are allowed off the ship. And that's where her problems began. She was wanted in Las Vegas on a felony grand theft warrant. She's busted!2010-11-1600 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 15, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire, where bozo Bonnie Cook robbed a pharmacy, getting away in her car. So far, so good, right? Well, not really. Several witnesses saw her toss the stolen items into her vehicle and speed away. And those witnesses were not only able to give the police a description of the car, they were also able to remember the license plate. You see, our bozo had personalized plates on her getaway vehicle. Personalized plates with her name on them. Oops. She's under arrest.2010-11-1501 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 12, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Lewiston, Idaho, where bozo Donald McMahon walked into a hotel, flashed a gun and demanded cash from the clerk. After getting his money, our bozo walked out of the hotel and right into the bar next door where he ordered himself a drink. Two mistakes here. The first mistake was not fleeing the scene immediately. The second was his appropriately named choice of bar. The place is called The Alibi Bar. This time the alibi didn't work. He's under arrest.2010-11-1201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 11, 2010Bozo Criminal Report The Bozo Criminal Report is aware that the tradition of lighting up cigars to celebrate the birth of a child is on the wane but we don't think our bozo for today has come up with a replacement tradition. From Uniontown, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Shane Tucker who felt the need to unwind after the birth of his new baby. So, he walked down to the designated smoking area of the hospital and lit up. A joint. A nurse noticed the aroma of marijuana and called the cops. The police weren't sympathetic. He's busted!2010-11-1101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 10, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Massachusetts, where bozo Edward Blaine robbed a Chinese food delivery guy, getting away with a small amount of cash and his food order. Must have been some good food, too, as our bozo turned up at the restaurant a short time later for seconds. Unfortunately for him, the driver had returned to the restaurant and recognized him. Employees held our bozo until the cops arrived and placed him under arrest.2010-11-1000 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 9, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today proves that, once again, MySpace is about a day behind Facebook. You may remember yesterday's bozo was foiled by his Facebook account. And today, from Sugarloaf Key, Florida, comes the story of bozo Robert Ronson, who broke into a residence. While inside, he enjoyed some food, smoked a joint, and logged on to the homeowner's computer. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn off the computer when he left. Even more unfortunately, he left his MySpace account logged on. He was arrested by the cops less than two blocks from the residence.2010-11-0901 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 8, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today's report from Helena, Montana. Bozo Robert Crain had been on the run from the cops for 12 years, so you'd thing had had become pretty good at keeping a low profile. He had...until this whole Facebook thing caught on. And that's what got him into trouble. He set up a Facebook page in his own name and posted a complaint about the cold weather. When someone asked him where he was, he gave his actual location. California authorities heard about the posting, sent pictures of...2010-11-0801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 5, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where 22 year-old bozo Kyle Ellis perhaps should have had a better getaway planned. Our bozo stole a lovely pair of size 10 women's high heels from a department store. And they looked so good that he decided to wear them out. Even in today's world, a man in high heels tends to attract attention. He was stopped outside the store and placed under arrest.2010-11-0500 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 4, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today fell victim to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And did we mention he was also dead drunk? From Sharonville, Ohio, comes the story of bozo John Jamieson who was visiting friends when he drove to the store to pick up some cigarettes. Unfortunately, he had also picked up a few beers along the way and got lost on his way back. He decided to stop and rest and pulled into a driveway and went to sleep. One problem, the driveway he pulled into belonged to a deputy sheriff...2010-11-0401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 3, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Les Cayes, Haiti, where the president of the country, Rene Preval, was visiting to view the progress being made after the city bore the brunt of a recent hurricane. The president was meeting with local officials when our bozo, Yvon Chery, showed up. This would not ordinarily be a problem as Mr. Chery is the town's mayor. Unfortunately, he is also a fugitive after being accused of shooting someone earlier this year. The president was aware of this fact and after he spotted our bozo, asked...2010-11-0301 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 2, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from York, Pennsylvania, where bozos Shawn Crain and Zach Carter broke into their neighbor's house and stole a laptop computer, a safe, a pistol, some cash and a bag of marijuana. They would have probably gotten away with the heist if they hadn't taken the pot. The next morning when bozo Zach woke up he realized that bozo Shawn had smoked most all of the marijuana. A very raucous fight ensued and police were called to their apartment, where the stolen items were discovered and our bozos were placed under arrest.2010-11-0201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report November 1, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 33498: Always choose a proper weapon. From DeLand, Florida, comes the story of an unidentified 16-year-old bozo who walked into a convenience store, threatened the clerk with a bottle of ranch dressing and demanded cash. Undaunted, the clerk threatened back with her weapon of choice, a gun. For those of you keeping score, a gun always trumps a bottle of ranch dressing. Our bozo was arrested as he was running from the store.2010-11-0101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 29, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today from Missoula, Montana made a number of mistakes in his attempt to rob a bank. First, after getting his cash, he stopped at a nearby restaurant to have breakfast. Mistake number one. Then, when he was finished, he called a cab to take him back to his hotel. And on the way, he stopped to pick up some cigarettes at a convenience store. Mistake numbers two and three. And, that hotel, the Doubletree, just happened to be the hotel where the local police department was holding a training session. Mistake number four...2010-10-2900 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 28, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Hall for sending in today's report form Spokane, Washington. Bozo Donnell Washington had what he thought was the perfect plan for robbing a bank. He was wrong. Our bozo called the bank and told them that he would blow up a school if he didn't receive $10,000 in cash. He then gave them detailed information on how the cash should be delivered. He said someone should drive to his house, drop off the cash, honk two times and he'd come outside and pick up the money. And that's exactly what the...2010-10-2801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 27, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterbury, Connecticut, where bozo Geraldo Fuentes burglarized three condos and fled with his loot in a pillowcase. A few hours later, he called the cops to report that his car had been stolen. Police found the car a short time later in the condo parking lot...with the stolen items still inside. Oops. He's under arrest.2010-10-2801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 26, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today from Las Vegas, Nevada prove that sometimes merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time can get you arrested. Officer Wayne Lucas works with his partner, K-9 Officer Boris. And like most K-9 officers, Boris gets to go home with his partner when they are off duty. One evening recently Boris shot across the back yard like a streak and began barking at the fence. The officer went outside and observed a couple of kids breaking into his neighbor's house. Oops. Chalk up another arrest thanks to Officer Boris.2010-10-2601 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 25, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 67123: You can't believe everything you see on TV. From Skokie, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Carlo Sanders who was working at a department store as an overnight switchboard operator. He attempted to steal $30,000 worth of merchandise by stashing it in a tote bag and then placing the bag in the mailroom. He then attempted to take the bag home with him the next day. Unfortunately the whole thing was caught on security cameras. After he was arrested he told the cops that these things always worked on...2010-10-2501 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 22, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today's report from El Paso, Texas. Noemi Darr and Luis Ortega made plans to rob a jewelry store. Well, "made plans" may have been too strong a term. Bozo Noemi was wheeled up to the front door of the store in her wheelchair by bozo Luis. She then got out of her chair, covered her head and upper body with a large trash bag and entered the store. Her accomplice remained outside, driving the getaway chair. Once inside, she pulled a kitchen knife on the clerk...2010-10-2201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 21, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Redwood City, California, where an unidentified 19-year-old walked up to a police car and asked for a ride. The officer asked our bozo if he was carrying anything illegal. Our bozo replied, "Yes," before backtracking and changing his answer to "No." The officer decided it might be a good idea to check him out and he found a baggie of cocaine in his pocket. Busted! Next time he should consider calling a cab.2010-10-2101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 20, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today from Lockland, Ohio, violated Bozo Rule Number 113767: Never ask an unnecessary question. Officers on patrol were flagged down by 44-year-old bozo Selma Ellis. She walked up to the vehicle, gave her name, and asked the officer if there were any warrants out for her arrest. The answer was yes. Oops. She's busted.2010-10-2001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 19, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Port St. Lucie, Florida, where bozo Kathryn Hill was arrested after selling a bag of oxycodone pills to an undercover officer. The officer also seized $1300 in cash that he suspected had been used for illegal drug activity. When asked where she got the money, our bozo offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She told the officer "the tooth fairy gave it" to her. She's busted.2010-10-1901 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 18, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from Miami, Florida, where this bunch thought they had it all planned out. They carefully staked out the bank branch they wanted to rob. Then, they scheduled their robbery for Sunday morning when there would be no one around. Two of them entered the bank through the ceiling while another bozo remained outside, on lookout. Well, sort of on lookout. At least until he fell asleep. Police responding to an alarm found him snoring in the getaway vehicle. They also found his accomplices inside the bank. They're all under arrest.2010-10-1801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 15, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Pete Unger for sending in today's report from the International File in Calgary, Canada. An unidentified bozo noticed a traffic camera flash as he drove through an intersection. Thinking he was not speeding, he turned around and drove past the camera again, this time driving below the speed limit. Again, the camera flashed. He then turned around and drove past the camera a third time, going even slower this time. Again, the camera snapped his picture. A couple of weeks later, he got three tickets in the mail for not wearing...2010-10-1501 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 14, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today isn't really a criminal but he definitely fills the bozo bill. From Olympia, Washington, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who showed up at the Highway Patrol office to apply for a job. Part of the job interview involved taking a polygraph test. It was while he was hooked up to the lie detector that a Highway Patrol employee arrived and noticed a book in the front seat of the car parked next to hers. The title of the book, in big bold print, "How to Beat the Lie Detector." She...2010-10-1401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 13, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 223090: Get permission first before using your girlfriend's privates as a drug repository. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond for sending in today's report from Portland, Oregon. Bozo Luke Ward was pulled over by the cops and before they reached the car our bozo grabbed a large bag of cocaine and stuffed it up his girlfriend's dress. When the officer stepped up to the car, the obviously miffed girlfriend told him she had a stash of drugs in her underwear and that they were placed there...2010-10-1301 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 12, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Chicago, Illinois where bozo Jimmy McDonald spotted a parked ambulance and thought it might be fun to take it for a spin. He hopped in, turned on the lights and drove off. Unfortunately, he didn't take a look in the back before climbing in. Paramedics working on a patient called the cops and our bozo was quickly apprehended. He offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week by telling the cops he was simply driving a friend to the hospital. They told him...2010-10-1201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 11, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today don't really qualify as criminals but they are definitely Bozo-Worthy. From Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada, comes the story of 150 women who turned up at fundraiser to benefit a local lodge. The fundraiser featured alcohol and male strippers, a potentially dangerous combination. The situation took a turn for the worse when one woman stood up in a chair to get a better look at the entertainment. Unfortunately, this blocked the view of others and all hell broke loose, resulting in police being called to break up the brawl. Five ladies were arrested and...2010-10-1101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 8, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today's report. From Brookline, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Michael Lucas who robbed the local bank and fled on foot. He was spotted by an off-duty police officer who gave chase before losing track of him in an alley. The officer then noticed a black Toyota Camry pass him. Ten minutes later, the Camry was found abandoned about four blocks away from the bank. The car was towed to the police station where one of the officers noticed the trunk bounce. When the trunk was...2010-10-0801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 7, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 876767: Always get your rest, but be careful where you get it. From Good Hope, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Adam Brown who fell asleep behind the wheel of his truck while at the gas station filling the vehicle up. The cops were called and before awakening our bozo they took a look in the back of his truck. And much to their surprise, they found a meth lab, two grams of finished meth and $238 in cash. He's busted!2010-10-0801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 6, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today's report, apparently featuring a hungry gang of redneck bozos. Our bozos broke into a mobile home, walked right past the 42-inch flat screen TV and headed straight to the kitchen. Once there, they went through the cabinets. The items reported stolen are as follows: a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal, a package of hot link sausages, a loaf of Sunbeam bread, a tub of Country Crock spread, a package of Velveeta cheese and a roll of Pillsbury Grand biscuits (what, no Cheetos?). Police are still...2010-10-0601 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 5, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today at least gets bonus points for creativity. From Ocala, Florida, comes the story of 65-year-old grandma Elsie Olson who was pulled over by the cops for driving erratically. It was after she failed a field sobriety test that granny showed her ingenuity. After telling the officer that she "wasn't that bad," she then tried to talk her way out of the ticket by offering to take the cop back to her house and make him a grilled cheese sandwich. She probably should have offered him a donut. She's under arrest.2010-10-0501 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 4, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to numerous Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today's story. From Manatee, Florida comes the story of bozo Raymond Rowe who was pulled over by the cops for speeding. After writing out the speeding ticket, the officer asked our bozo if he had smoked marijuana recently. Our bozo responded that he had smoked some the previous evening and then invited the cop to search the car. The officer checked the car and then searched our bozo. When the cop noticed a soft object sticking out of our bozo's buttocks, our bozo said, "Let me...2010-10-0401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report October 1, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mark Garstin for sending in today's report. It comes from the International File in British Columbia, Canada, where it seems the new anti-speeding laws are causing some problems for lead footed motorists. An unidentified female bozo was pulled over by the cops and ticketed for doing 60 MPH in a 30 MPH zone. She was given a $150 speeding ticket and sent on her way. Obviously hoping to make up for lost time, she was caught by the cops a short time later again doing 60 in a 30. It was at this time that she...2010-10-0101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 30, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from Ukiah, California, where three unidentified bozos were spotted by the cops driving a stolen vehicle. They jumped out and fled, leaving the vehicle, which was filled with marijuana, behind. The cops chased our bozos into a nearby warehouse, which might have been a pretty good hiding place except for one thing. The warehouse was their marijuana processing operation. Oops. Nineteen people were arrested and 700 pounds of pot was confiscated.2010-09-3001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 29, 2010Bozo Criminal Report We've all heard the old saying, "When you've gotta go, you've gotta go." This may not always be true, especially if the place you've gotta go at is in front of a police station. From Royal Oak, Michigan, comes the story of bozo Walter Parker who heard the call of nature when he was near the Royal Oak police station. He walked over and relieved himself on the side of the police station and then he walked inside. Once inside, he told an officer that he wanted to file a police report on an undisclosed matter...2010-09-2901 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal Report September 28, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Alliance, Ohio, where bozo James Boone ran out of the local Walmart with a shopping cart full of unpaid merchandise. Security officers called the cops but by the time they arrived our bozo had vanished. Police were stumped until they received another call, this time from a friend of our bozo. The friend said our bozo had hidden in a nearby dumpster which had then been picked up by the garbage crew. And according to our bozo, who had called his friend on his cellphone, he had already been compacted...2010-09-2801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 27, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 75757: If you don't have a real weapon, at least try to find one that looks real. From Duncansville, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozos Shannon Collins and Angela Carter who walked into an adult book store, flashed a fake gun and demanded cash. Unfortunately for them, the phony gun didn't scare the clerk, who took one look at it and said, "First, if you're going to rob someone, get a real gun, and, second, you're not getting any money." She then chased them out of the store and...2010-09-2700 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 24, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Our bozo for today was foiled by his good upbringing and by the fact that his mother taught him to always flush. From Middletown, Connecticut, comes the story of bozo Sam Austin who broke into a residence and was rummaging around when nature called. He visited the home's bathroom and was just flushing the toilet when the homeowner returned. Hearing the sound of the toilet, she ran next door and called the cops. He's busted!2010-09-2401 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 23, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today receives our first ever Dagwood Bumstead award. From Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Richard Pope who was pulled over by the cops after they noticed him driving erratically. As the officer approached, he noticed our bozo was eating a sandwich. Upon further investigation, he discovered all the sandwich makings, a loaf of bread, cheese, salami, mustard, in the passenger seat. Apparently he had been putting the sandwich together while he was driving. The officer also found a bottle of alcohol in the car. He's been charged with DUI.2010-09-2301 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal Report September 22, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today's report. From the International File in Brasilia, Brazil, comes the story of a couple of bozos who thought they'd found the perfect hiding place for their stash of crack cocaine. In the gas tank of their car. They stuffed 11 pounds of crack into the vehicle's tank and then, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, headed to the gas station to fill 'er up. And that's when things went terribly wrong. The tank blew up, blasting car shrapnel 20 yards and peppering the walls of...2010-09-2201 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal Report September 21, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today from Orland Park, Illinois, is the female rebuttal to yesterday's story. Cops pulled over 38-year-old Sheryl Wilson on suspicion of DUI after noticing her driving erratically. When the cops asked her to perform a field sobriety test, she ignored their instructions and offered to instead perform a gymnastics maneuver. When the officer told her that would not be necessary, she went into full Heidi Klum mode and did a runway walk, walking up and down the roadside with her hands on her hips three times. Didn't work. The officer placed her under...2010-09-2101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 20, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Corvallis, Oregon, where Oregon State offensive lineman Tyler Harris turned up naked at a woman's home after a night of heavy drinking. The frightened woman called the cops and when they arrived and ordered him to get down on the floor, our naked bozo must have thought he was back on the football field. Instead of simply dropping to the ground, our bozo assumed a three-point football stance and lunged at the officers. Maybe he thought it would get him a job with the Dallas Cowboys. Instead it got him...2010-09-2001 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal Report September 17, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Roanoke, Virginia, where bozo Charles Jacobson had it all figured out. Almost. He walked into a bank, carrying a large black bag and handed the teller a note demanding cash. He received the money and ran from the bank. Once outside, he reached into the bag and grabbed the change of clothes he was carrying, taking off the clothes he had worn during the robbery and putting on a new outfit to avoid being recognized. He then walked away, carrying the cash and leaving the black bag with his holdup...2010-09-1801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 16, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Malibu, California, where bozo Neil Hall broke into a car and stole a cell phone. Now, what to do with a stolen phone...maybe put it up for sale on Craig's List? Sounds like a good idea. Unless the guy you stole it from happens to go shopping on Craig's List looking for a phone to replace his stolen one. And that's exactly what happened. The guy bought his own phone from the bozo who stole it. Which might not have been a problem except for a couple of things...2010-09-1601 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 15, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today from Hillsboro, Oregon proves the old adage that there is a time and a place for everything. Unfortunately for our bozo, this wasn't the time or the place. Bozo Gregory Hampton decided that it would be fun to drop his pants and moon everyone passing by on the eastbound lane of highway 224. Unfortunately a police officer happened to be passing by at the time. And even more unfortunately, it turns out the guy was on parole and wasn't supposed to be drinking, which he was. He's busted.2010-09-1500 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 14, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Ramsgate, England, where bozo Daniel Brown stole the keys to an Audi A4 from a woman's jacket at a party. Obviously planning on keeping the car for a while, our bozo's first stop was the local petrol station where he filled the car up. With gasoline. Unfortunately, it was a diesel vehicle. Police found our bozo a short distance away trying to get the broken down car to start. He's under arrest.2010-09-1500 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 13, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Madison, Wisconsin, where bozo Brandon Huffman was plying his trade as the street musician known as "Bongo Jesus." With a name like that you might suspect that his musical talent isn't too great. And you might be right. And his also apparently a little thin skinned. After a 54-year-old man criticized his music, our bozo went El Kabong on him. After a brief argument, he bashed the would-be critic over the head with his guitar. A nearby officer used his stun gun to subdue our bozo and place him under...2010-09-1301 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 10, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminal for today comes from Seattle, Washington, where bozo Thomas Harris robbed a woman at gunpoint when she was stopped at a red light. He got away with $310 but he didn't get very far. It seems when he leaned in to get his cash she saw that he had the words "Get Money" shaved into his hair on one side of his head. She also noticed he had "Get" tattooed on his right hand and "Money" on his left hand. He should have gone ahead and had "Get Arrested" tattooed on his forehead. Cops recognized...2010-09-1101 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 9, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today's report. From Dewey Beach, Delaware comes the story of a couple of bozos who were pulled over by a cop for speeding. The officer smelled marijuana wafting from the vehicle and asked our bozos to step out of the car while he conducted a search. After a search turned up nothing, the officer returned to his vehicle where, much to his surprise, he once again smelled the aroma of marijuana. So, he conducted a search of his own patrol car and, sure enough, he found...2010-09-1002 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 8, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Bozo criminals for today come from Red Bluff, California, where a group of marijuana growers were totally into customer service. Too much into it, it turns out. Two game wardens were patrolling a wooded area looking for deer poachers when they heard footsteps coming up behind them. Before they knew what was happening, five men began tossing large duffel bags into the back of the officers pickup truck. And those duffel bags were full of marijuana. Apparently our bozos had mistaken the officers as customers who had stopped by to pick up a delivery of pot...2010-09-0801 min

The Bozo Criminal of the Day ReportBozo Criminal report September 7, 2010Bozo Criminal Report Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Orem, Utah. Bozo Charles Henry was busted by the cops for selling marijuana. It was then that he gave the officers the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told them that the only reason he was selling weed was to raise money so he could afford to go to the police academy. Guess he got some first hand, on-the-job experience. He's busted.2010-09-0801 min