Shows
The Narcissism DecoderI Know Why I Get Angry and Defensive—So Why Can’t I Stop?In this episode, we look at the painful moment so many of us know too well: when you understand why you get angry, defensive, or shut down—and yet, you still do it. We examine this problem through the lens of one man’s story about a frustrating moment that spirals into rage and self-loathing. But understanding this isn’t the most important thing. We tackle the real question: what actually helps when knowing yourself isn’t enough? If you’ve ever found yourself caught in a loop—knowing better, but still hurting yourself or someone else—this episode w...
2025-07-2327 min
The Narcissism DecoderI Know It’s Small… So Why Does It Hurt So Much?Why do small letdowns—like a late reply or a minor change of plans—sometimes feel like a gut punch? This episode unpacks how everyday disappointments can stir up deep feelings of shame, rooted in early relational wounds. It’s not about the delay itself—it’s about what it awakens in you. If you've ever felt "too sensitive" or overreactive in relationships, this might be the real reason why.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go...
2025-07-1628 min
The Narcissism DecoderEntangled! Pathological Lovers and Malignant NarcissismWhy do toxic relationships feel impossible to leave? In this episode, Dr. Nae and I explore trauma bonds—how narcissistic abuse uses love bombing, control, and betrayal to trap partners. We reveal why hope for change keeps the cycle alive and what true healing looks like: creating a safe space for empowerment and growth. If toxic love has you stuck, this episode offers real insight and hope. Here is a chapter of Dr. Nae's "Run Like Hell" for free. https://heal.drnae.com/podcast-book-giveawayContact her directly here: https://drnae.com/If you are...
2025-07-1242 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Mindfulness and Psychodynamic Therapy Can Change Your LifeWhat if the real challenge in healing from narcissism isn’t just the big moments, but the subtle, often invisible patterns shaping your relationships and inner world? In this episode, Lindsey Miller and I reveal how narcissistic dynamics quietly influence parenting, emotional containment, and self-awareness. If you want to uncover what’s beneath the surface and start creating lasting change, this conversation is a must-listen. To Listen to the full interview and learn more about Lindsay’s work: https://www.thestressnanny.com/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella...
2025-07-0922 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhy Mindfulness and Containment Are Game-Changers in Narcissism Recovery What keeps us trapped in toxic narcissistic relationships—and how can we finally break free? In this clip from my interview with Lindsey Miller, we uncover the hidden emotional forces and subtle dynamics that keep these patterns alive. Discover why mindfulness and containment aren’t just buzzwords but essential tools for healing, and why leaving is just the first step on a challenging journey toward reclaiming your true self. If you’ve ever felt "split", stuck, or unsure how to move forward, this conversation offers powerful insights and hope for real change. To Listen to the f...
2025-07-0222 min
The Narcissism DecoderToxic Relationships: How I Learned to Stay GroundedWhat if healing from narcissistic relationships isn’t about fixing or avoiding pain—but learning to truly sit with it? In this episode with Lindsay, she uses a beautiful metaphor of sitting on different benches in Central Park. If you’re ready to rethink healing and face your emotions with new curiosity, this conversation is for you. To Listen to the full interview and learn more about Lindsay’s work: https://www.thestressnanny.com/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more d...
2025-06-2835 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing the Wounds Narcissism Left Behind In this episode clip from Lindsey Miller’s The Stress Nanny podcast, we unpack the hidden dynamics of narcissistic relationships. Discover why emotional availability matters, how mindfulness and psychodynamic therapy work together, and the subtle red flags that often go unnoticed. Plus, we explore the emotional aftermath of leaving narcissistic love and how healing truly begins. To Listen to the full interview and learn more about Lindsay’s work: https://www.thestressnanny.com/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more de...
2025-06-2524 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhy Can’t I Let Go of My Ex? I feel guilty for moving on!In this episode, we dive into the quiet, tormenting force of unresolved guilt—and how it can entrap us in relationships long after they've ended. Through the lens of one man’s struggle to say no to an ex he no longer loves but still feels tethered to, we explore how guilt becomes more than remorse—it becomes identity. What begins as an effort to repair harm quietly reveals a deeper conflict: the belief that having needs, choosing oneself, or pursuing autonomy makes you fundamentally unloving. This episode isn’t just about setting boundaries—it’s about healing the...
2025-06-2126 min
The Narcissism DecoderInside the Narcissist’s Mind: Why Grandiosity Is a Shield What does it really take to help someone with narcissistic traits heal? In this rich conversation with Lisa Taylor Austin, we explore how grandiosity masks vulnerability, why trust takes time, and how containment softens defensiveness. Whether you're a clinician or navigating this in your personal life, this episode offers grounded insight and real-world guidance. More About Lisa: Lisa Taylor-Austin's Website: https://thetayloraustingroup.com/ ️ Lisa Taylor-Austin's You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/@LisaTaylor-Austin ️ Lisa's IG: Lisa.TaylorAustin ️ Lisa's Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/lisataylor-austin.bsky.social If you are interested in a consultatio...
2025-06-1834 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing Narcissism: What Follows the Collapse of Narcissism? (4)What happens when the grandiose self begins to fall apart?In part four of our Healing Narcissism series, we explore the emotional unraveling that marks the beginning of real change. Through clinical stories and grounded insight, I show how mourning, ambivalence, and even emotional collapse can signal a hopeful shift toward genuine connection and inner integration. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open spa...
2025-06-1130 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing Narcissism: They Finally Open Up—Now What? (3)In this episode, we explore the fragile emotional terrain that follows the softening of grandiose defenses. From emotional regulation to the risk of collapse, I share how healing begins—not with insight alone, but with containment, timing, and psychodynamic work. Through clinical examples, we uncover how real change happens beneath the surface. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas...
2025-06-0726 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing Narcissism: What to Do When You Can't Win (2)This episode dives into the hidden dance between grandiosity and vulnerability in narcissistic individuals. You'll learn how to recognize the shift from content to process, why timing matters, and how to intervene without triggering shame or rupture. A compassionate, real-world guide to navigating the most charged moments in the healing journey. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space where we explore psychoanalytic ideas tog...
2025-06-0430 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing Narcissism: If You Want to See Change -Start Here (1)In this episode, we look at the real work of healing narcissism—not by breaking the ego, but by understanding and slowly dismantling the defenses that protect it. You'll learn why emotional regulation and integration—not just insight—are key to lasting change. With real-world examples and deep clinical insight, this is the first in a multi-part series on how transformation actually happens.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Off...
2025-05-2831 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing Narcissism: A Four-Part Series on Real TransformationGet ready! In this trailer, we introduce Healing Narcissism: A Four-Part Series — where we take you deep inside the real, raw, and often surprising process of helping a narcissist heal. This series isn’t about surface-level advice — it’s about uncovering the overlooked moments and powerful psychological shifts that make transformation possible.Subscribe now and join us for an insightful, psychodynamic journey that shows real healing can happen — when we truly understand what it takes!If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting...
2025-05-2405 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Hope Keeps You Trapped With a Malignant NarcissistIn this episode, I join Dr. Nae and her support group to unpack the deep roots of narcissism and the challenges it brings to healing trauma bonds. We explore how hope, projection, and hidden relational patterns keep people entangled—and why differentiation is key to breaking free. If you’re ready to understand and heal from these complex dynamics, this conversation offers fresh insight and hope. Here is a chapter of Dr. Nae's "Run Like Hell" for free. https://heal.drnae.com/podcast-book-giveawayContact her directly here: https://drnae.com/If you are intere...
2025-05-2131 min
The Narcissism DecoderAre You Fixing or Folding? Jim’s StoryIn this episode, we explore the fine line between genuine help and covert emotional demands. Jim shares his struggle with constantly trying to fix his daughter, revealing the emotional toll it takes when helping turns into collapse. Learn how to recognize unconscious emotional signals, respect autonomy, and slow down to truly feel and respond without getting overwhelmed. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open spa...
2025-05-1733 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhen Love and Helplessness CollideIn this episode, Jim shares the raw, emotional struggle of trying to connect with a daughter who feels unreachable. We unpack the complex family dynamics where love, guilt, and helplessness intertwine, revealing the hidden pain and unconscious patterns that shape their relationship. If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to help someone who pulls away, this conversation offers deep insight and compassion. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Off...
2025-05-1430 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow to Help Someone Break Free from Narcissistic FantasyIn this final clip from my interview on Soul Shaking Love, we dive into the tough questions about narcissistic change: How do you encourage someone to get help? Why is real transformation so hard for those with narcissistic traits? We uncover the painful split between fantasy and reality that keeps many stuck—and why bridging that divide is key to healing. If you’ve ever wondered why change feels out of reach, this conversation sheds light on the heart of the struggle. Listen to full episode here: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R3EZ6W5...
2025-05-0719 min
The Narcissism DecoderCan a narcissist actually change? In this episode, you’ll hear another powerful clip from my interview on Valerie Greene’s podcast, Soul Shaking Love. We explore two of the most frequently asked questions about narcissistic relationships: Can a narcissist truly change—and how can you tell if it’s even possible? We discuss what real change looks like beyond the surface-level promises and gestures, and why it’s so difficult to know whether to stay or go. Listen to full episode here: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R3EZ6W5UpDRXnM9QMYO5p?si=tm49CCEzQjqAPs9Eq0...
2025-05-0126 min
The Narcissism DecoderFrom Codependency to a Genuine Connection Valerie Greene dives into the roots of codependency, showing how childhood neglect can lead us to put others’ needs before our own. Through personal stories and practical insights, she reveals how building healthy boundaries and embracing self-awareness can transform relationships from draining to deeply connected. Discover the path from codependency to true interdependence. Valerie's Website: https://coachvaleriegreene.com/podcast/anthony/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in
2025-04-2631 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Can You Tell If You’re With a Narcissist? Why is it so hard to leave someone who keeps hurting you? In this clip from Soul Shaking Love, we unpack the emotional confusion of narcissistic relationships—how to spot grandiose vs. vulnerable narcissists, why the fantasy of who they could be keeps you stuck, and what deeper wounds might be playing out beneath the surface. Listen to full episode here: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R3EZ6W5UpDRXnM9QMYO5p?si=tm49CCEzQjqAPs9Eq0aJfwYouTube Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2C3HT5ponK...
2025-04-2328 min
The Narcissism DecoderMastering Negotiation with Narcissists What if being reasonable is the worst strategy with a narcissist? In this conversation with negotiation expert Rebecca Zung, we explore how to protect yourself when fairness and empathy are used against you. She shares her SLAY method—Strategy, Leverage, Anticipate, and You—as a powerful framework to shift the dynamic, stay emotionally grounded, and take back control in high-conflict relationships. Rebecca's Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/negotiate-your-best-life-podcast-with-rebecca-zung/id1408141817https://www.rebeccazung.com/negotiate-your-best-life-podcast/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patient...
2025-04-1629 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing from Betrayal: Insights and DiscoveriesIn this episode of the Narcissism Decoder, Dr. Anthony Mazzella interviews Dr. Debi, a leading expert in betrayal recovery. They explore the unique trauma of betrayal, its profound impact on trust and identity, and the healing process. Dr. Debi shares her groundbreaking research findings, including the five stages of healing from betrayal and the concept of post-betrayal transformation. The conversation emphasizes the importance of personal growth and the choice to heal as essential components of recovery from betrayal.More Information about Dr. Debi can be found here: https://thepbtinstitute.com The From Betrayal to...
2025-04-0934 min
The Narcissism DecoderIs It Love—or Emotional Control?In this episode, we dive into the emotional power struggles that define vulnerable narcissism, particularly within parent-child relationships. We unpack how covert control, dependency, and cycles of shame quietly shape toxic dynamics—and how these patterns are often misread as love or concern. If you’ve ever felt trapped in a relationship that looks caring but feels suffocating, this conversation offers a path toward clarity. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in
2025-04-0230 min
The Narcissism DecoderBreaking the Spell: Healing After Narcissistic AbuseIn this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella and Jin unpack the cult-like dynamics of narcissistic relationships—and the emotional aftermath survivors face. From trauma bonds and identity loss to the inner voice of the narcissist that lingers long after they’re gone, this conversation explores what it really takes to break free. If you’ve ever wondered why walking away doesn’t always feel like freedom, this conversation reveals the hidden chains—and how to finally break them.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for m...
2025-03-2632 min
The Narcissism DecoderI Know My Partner is Narcissistic – Why Can’t I Leave?In this episode, I sit down with Jin from Narc Troopers—a writer, educator, podcaster, and narcissistic abuse recovery facilitator— to explore the psychological dynamics that keep people stuck in toxic narcissistic relationships and why breaking free can feel impossible. We discuss the fantasy that keeps people trapped, the impact of early childhood development, and Shelly Bach’s concept of pathological mourning. We also touch on the dead mother theory by André Green and its relevance to feeling trapped.This is just a segment of our conversation—if you want the full depth of our discussion and more insi...
2025-03-1934 min
The Narcissism DecoderCan a Narcissist Ever Really Change? Part 2This episode is Part 2 of my conversation on Dimming the Gaslight with hosts Mac and Phil, where we dive even deeper into the complexities of narcissism. We explore the motivations behind narcissistic behavior, the struggle with forgiveness, and how therapy can facilitate change. We also discuss the emotional push-pull in relationships with narcissists, the role of brain chemistry, and the tough decision of when to walk away. Understanding these dynamics is key to personal growth and healing.Dimming The Gaslight: Our Healing Journey From Narcissistic Abusehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dimming-the-gaslight-our-healing-journey-from/id1602899691
2025-03-1631 min
The Narcissism DecoderCovert Narcissism: The Impact of Emotional ManipulationIn this episode, we explore the insidious impact of covert narcissism on parent-child relationships with expert Renee Swanson. We discuss how emotional manipulation can masquerade as love, creating lasting confusion and self-doubt. We examine how these patterns shape adult relationships and the challenges of breaking free. Finally, we highlight the power of connection over correction in parenting and share strategies for healing and repairing the relationship. To Listen to Part 2 of my discussion with Renee or to learn more about her work please visit: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/https://bleav.com/sh...
2025-03-1234 min
The Narcissism DecoderLive Q & A: Trapped! The Real Reason You Can’t Walk Away I’m really excited to share some big news with you—this Friday, March 14th, at 7 p.m. EST, I’ll be going LIVE on YouTube for a special podcast recording with Lisa Taylor Austin! We'll explore why people stay in relationships with narcissistic partners despite clear emotional turmoil. The conversation will dive into the compelling fantasy that keeps people bound to these relationships—the shared fantasy or "magical union" between the narcissist’s grandiose self and the partner’s hopes for emotional fulfillment. Please join us on utube: https://youtube.com/live/zPOfW1JgnfU?feature=share If you are...
2025-03-1101 min
The Narcissism DecoderCan a Narcissist Ever Really Change? Part 1This episode is Part 1 of my conversation on Dimming the Gaslight, where I was a guest with hosts Mac and Phil. They asked some fascinating questions as we explored various aspects of narcissism— whether narcissists can change, how pain can drive transformation, and the complexities of manipulation, apologies and accountability in relationships.Dimming The Gaslight: Our Healing Journey From Narcissistic Abusehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dimming-the-gaslight-our-healing-journey-from/id1602899691If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed in...
2025-03-0929 min
The Narcissism DecoderApologies vs. Amends: What Real Accountability Looks Like Part 2In this episode, Josh returns to share more hard-won wisdom on co-parenting and rebuilding trust after divorce. We explore the crucial difference between saying sorry and making amends—how true accountability isn’t just about words, but about actions that repair harm. Josh reflects on how focusing inward, taking ownership, and practicing mutual respect can lay the groundwork for healthier relationships moving forward. If you’ve ever wondered whether an apology is enough, this conversation breaks down what real change actually looks like.Send “Mazzella” to IG for a free coaching call and resources Find more...
2025-03-0530 min
The Narcissism DecoderCo-Parenting After Divorce: Part 1In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by Josh, who shares his personal journey through divorce and co-parenting. Together, we explore the emotional complexities of divorce, the impact of codependency on relationships, and the importance of self-reflection and personal growth in choosing a healthier path forward. Josh opens up about the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships post-divorce and offers valuable insights into effective co-parenting strategies, emphasizing the necessity of forgiveness and letting go of resentment. We also begin to discuss the importance of “keeping your side of the street clean” in co-parenting dynamics, fostering healthier interactions for ev...
2025-02-2630 min
The Narcissism DecoderLoving Someone with Narcissistic TraitsThis is part two of my interview with Darren, a therapist and coach. In this episode, we dive deeper into the complexities of relationships involving narcissistic individuals. Together, we explore therapeutic approaches to understanding and managing narcissism, emphasizing the spectrum of narcissistic traits and the potential for building healthy self-esteem. We discuss the importance of developing intimacy and relationship skills. Darren also sheds light on the concept of object constancy—often a developmental challenge for those with narcissistic traits—and the potential for meaningful change when awareness and motivation are present. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating the...
2025-02-1929 min
The Narcissism DecoderThe Pain of Watching a Narcissistic Loved One Refuse HelpIn this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by Darren, a therapist and coach. Together, we dive into the complexities of relationships involving narcissistic individuals. Darren shares his personal journey of recognizing narcissism within his family and relationships, particularly with his father. We explore the challenges of navigating relationships with narcissists, the role of denial, and the importance of emotional vulnerability. There is a particular focus on what to do when an loved on is not accepting necessary medical treatment recommendations. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is...
2025-02-1231 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow to Deal With a Narcissistic Adult Child - Recorded Interview 2In part two of the conversation, Shannon and I continue exploring the complexities of managing relationships with adult children who exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Shannon emphasizes the importance of first fostering a healthy relationship with oneself as a foundation for setting effective boundaries. We discuss the importance of self-regulation and understanding one's own emotional state before addressing conflicts. The conversation also touches on the impact of enabling behaviors, the consequences of no contact, and the role of trauma in shaping parent-child dynamics. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, D...
2025-02-0533 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow to Recognize Narcissistic Traits in Adult Children: Key Patterns Parents Should Know - Recorded Interview 1In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by therapist, author and coach Shannon. Together we explore the complexities of relationships between parents and their adult children, particularly focusing on narcissistic traits and toxic dynamics. We discuss how enabling behaviors and lack of boundaries contribute to dysfunctional interactions, and emphasize the importance of both parties taking responsibility for their own emotions and actions. Through practical insights and real-life examples, Shannon and I provide strategies for setting healthy boundaries, improving communication, and fostering more balanced and respectful relationships within families.If you are interested in a co...
2025-01-2931 min
The Narcissism DecoderUnpacking the Hidden Layers of Vulnerable and Grandiose Narcissism: Step 2 of Relationship GrowthIn this episode, we delve deeper into narcissism and explore the intricate dynamics of vulnerable and grandiose self-states, focusing on Step 2: Containment and Relating. Central to this discussion is the concept of "reenactment," which highlights the importance of clarifying a person’s experience as it unfolds “in the moment.” This step emphasizes staying present with self and other representations, particularly when navigating projections. Engaging in this process may involve acknowledging fault and expressing empathy for the painful experience of rejection your partner feels, while gently guiding them to reflect on how their distorted projections influence their perception of you.I...
2025-01-2230 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow to Navigate Vulnerable Narcissism: The True Meaning of EmpathyIn this episode, we delve into the complexities of vulnerable narcissism, exploring its characteristics, emotional needs, and the importance of empathy and containment in fostering healthier relationships. Emphasis is on the concept of containment as a crucial strategy for emotional regulation and support. The discussion highlights practical approaches to understanding and managing the emotional demands of individuals exhibiting vulnerable narcissistic traits, ultimately aiming for meaningful change and growth. A fuller definition of empathy is provided along with examples of how to really empathize with loved one. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy s...
2025-01-1532 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow to Relate to a Vulnerable Narcissist: Key Strategies and Insights (Recorded Live Discussion)In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, Lisa Taylor-Austin and I explore the complexities of vulnerable narcissism, with a focus on therapeutic approaches and practical ways to relate to a vulnerable narcissist in your life. We delve into the importance of containment, discussing two key aspects essential for fostering emotional safety and understanding. Our conversation highlights strategies for engaging with vulnerable narcissists, emphasizing how empathy, patience, and healthy communication can help navigate these challenging dynamics. Whether in therapy or personal relationships, we aim to provide insights that encourage growth, connection, and a deeper understanding of these individuals....
2025-01-0837 min
The Narcissism DecoderVulnerable Narcissism: The Dynamics Behind Control and HelplessnessIn this episode, we explore the theme of helplessness in relationships, particularly focusing on how vulnerable narcissism and emotional dependency manifest in interpersonal dynamics. We look closely at the roots of these behaviors in childhood experiences, the impact of communication styles, and the emotional burden placed on both the helpless individual and their helpers. The conversation emphasizes the importance of awareness in breaking the cycle of helplessness and fostering healthier relationships.TakeawaysHelplessness often masks deeper emotional vulnerabilities.Vulnerable narcissism can lead to dependency on others.Childhood experiences shape how individuals express needs.Neediness is...
2025-01-0227 min
The Narcissism DecoderNavigating Narcissistic Relationships: Why Self-Regulation is Essential-Recorded Interview - 2In this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined once again by therapist and author Kristal DeSantis, who returns to share another vital strategy for staying safe in relationships with narcissistic partners. This time, we focus on the importance of self-regulation and how it serves as a cornerstone for maintaining healthy relationships.We explore the differences between healthy and unhealthy conflict, emphasizing the value of self-expression and accountability in navigating emotional dysregulation. Healthy conflict allows both partners to share their perspectives constructively, while unhealthy conflict often devolves into name-calling and emotional escalation. Our conversation als...
2024-12-2626 min
The Narcissism DecoderSpecial Holiday AnnouncementAs the holiday season approaches, I want to thank you for your ongoing support and share my gratitude for your time and engagement each week. The holidays can be a mix of joy and challenges, especially when complex family dynamics arise, so please know you’re not alone—I’m here if you need support. Looking ahead to 2025, I’m excited to bring more expert guests to the podcast to offer fresh perspectives on narcissism and relationships, helping us explore diverse approaches to these complex dynamics. Your feedback keeps me inspired, so please continue sharing your thoughts. Wishing you a peacef...
2024-12-2402 min
The Narcissism DecoderTwo Powerful Strategies to Protect Yourself in Narcissistic RelationsIn this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, I’m joined by therapist and author Crystal DeSantis. Together we explore the complexities of navigating relationships with narcissistic partners. Crystal talks about the importance of self-awareness in understanding relationship dynamics and creating safety as a foundation for healthy connections. We also dive into why many individuals seek emotional connection but struggle to achieve it, noting that true connection requires both vulnerability and skill. We clarify the difference between emotional dumping and genuine vulnerability and explore how relationships can become transactional rather than deeply emotional. Finally, we focus on building essential communication an...
2024-12-1829 min
The Narcissism DecoderBorderline Personality Disorder and The Hidden Danger of AbandonmentIn this episode, we delve into the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its similarities with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The conversation explores the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD, particularly their fear of abandonment and the impact on their communication styles. We contrast the literal mode of communication often seen in BPD with the representational mode that fosters deeper connections and self-reflection. Finally, insights into navigating emotional responses and the significance of self-compassion in managing intense feelings are provided.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy s...
2024-12-1127 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Narcissists Create Loyalty ConflictsIn this episode, we explore the complex relationship between parental alienation and narcissism, focusing on how one parent may manipulate a child to reject the other, creating loyalty conflicts and psychological manipulation. We discuss how these dynamics can foster codependency between the child and the alienating parent, who may project unresolved anger and create a polarized view of the other parent. The episode also delves into the narcissistic fantasies driving these behaviors, impacting the child's perception of relationships and reality. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new p...
2024-12-0416 min
The Narcissism DecoderCovert Narcissism – Holiday Bonus ReplayThis week on The Narcissism Decoder, we’re revisiting our most popular episode - which is on covert narcissism. Originally recorded during the podcast’s early days, the sound quality reflects our humble beginnings but remains clear and full of valuable insights. Whether you’re a new listener or returning for a fresh perspective, this episode offers a rich exploration of covert narcissism, with practical examples and guidance for navigating these challenging relationships. Take this opportunity to reflect and reintegrate, and we’ll be back next week with brand-new content!If you are interested in a consultation or seeki...
2024-11-2740 min
The Narcissism DecoderBorderline Personality Disorder: Exploring Ego Weakness and Relationship ChallengesIn this episode, we delve into the complexities of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), exploring its emotional impact, characteristics, and the critical differences between BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). We discuss the role of self-image, emotional reactivity, and mentalization in individuals with BPD, emphasizing the importance of understanding these dynamics for effective treatment. The conversation also highlights strategies for emotional regulation and the significance of emotional validation in fostering stability for those affected by BPD.Soundbites: "An unstable self-image leads to unstable relationships.""The ego has difficulty holding up a consistent sense of self.""Emotional v...
2024-11-2031 min
The Narcissism DecoderUnderstanding Narcissistic Relationships and How to Protect Yourself In this episode, we delve into the complexities of narcissistic relationships, examining the emotional dynamics that often unfold. We focus on the concept of omnipotent incorporation, where narcissists attempt to control or merge with their partners, denying them individuality. Through personal anecdotes and clinical examples, we illustrate the emotional impact of being in a relationship with a narcissist. Finally, we offer insights on navigating these challenging dynamics, emphasizing the importance of creating space from the merged experience to foster healthy dialogue and mutual understanding.Chapters00:00U...
2024-11-1431 min
Safety FactorBuilding on a Legacy: The Next Era of Mazzella CompaniesJoin us for the second episode in Mazzella Companies’ 70-year celebration series, as we delve into the journey of the third generation of Mazzella family leadership and their vision for the future of rigging, metal roofing, and rollforming equipment. In this episode of Safety Factor, we’re joined by Tony, Matt, and Adam Mazzella, who reflect on their family’s legacy, the core values they’ve inherited, and the exciting growth opportunities ahead for Mazzella Companies."To me, it’s not just the money side of it. It is, you know, how can we accentuate these core values eve...
2024-11-0846 min
The Narcissism DecoderConfronting Pathological Narcissism: A Psychodynamic PerspectiveIn this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, we delve into the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on the grandiose self-structure and its origins. We explore how caregivers’ excessive praise and validation shape this self-concept, leading to a fragile identity that oscillates between superiority and feelings of inadequacy. Through clinical examples, we illustrate the limitations of consistent emotional support and the pitfalls of relying on admiration instead of genuine connection. Fostering empathy, and engaging in self-reflection to cultivate an authentic self is a good start, but not enough to make inroads into the grandiose structure. We emphasize the ...
2024-11-0625 min
The Narcissism DecoderHealing the Narcissist's Grandiose Self: Relationship ChallengesIn this episode, we examine the complexities of pathological narcissism, focusing on how the grandiose self-structure ("big ego") shapes relationships and hinders authentic connection. Using the case of a man named Barry, we explore how grandiosity serves as a defense against low self-esteem and painful emotions, leading to the creation of a false self. We discuss how understanding these dynamics is crucial for fostering deeper, more genuine relationships. This episode also highlights key therapeutic techniques to help individuals reflect on their grandiose beliefs and work toward cultivating their true selves. If you are interested in a consultation o...
2024-10-3026 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhat is Blocking True Love? Narcissistic Partners and How to Reconnect - 2In this episode, we continue our discussion on "narcissistic psychic retreats," focusing on how individuals with narcissistic tendencies often escape into a fantasy world where their needs are instantly met. We explore how feelings of anger and judgment can cover up deeper vulnerabilities and experiences of loss. By examining a real-life example, we illustrate how these emotional defenses operate and their impact on relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of staying connected with painful emotions rather than retreating, as recognizing these moments can lead to healthier interactions. Ultimately, we share practical strategies for breaking free from the retreat.
2024-10-2329 min
The Narcissism DecoderRestricted and Stuck in Life? The Surprising Reason You Can’t Move Forward-1In this episode, we dive into the concept of the “depressive position” and its relationship to development. We talk about the challenge of accepting the independence and separateness of others, and the struggle to let go of the need to control them. We explore how the depressive position involves facing the tough realities of loss, separation, and limitations — and why this process is crucial for our emotional growth. We also introduce the idea of “pathological organizations”, those defense mechanisms that can keep us safe BUT also leave us trapped. And finally, we'll give you a sneak peek into the next episo...
2024-10-1626 min
The Narcissism DecoderTrapped in a Toxic Relationship? How to Break Free from the 'Fog'! Recorded Live InterviewIn this second part of our live recording with Bre Wolta, a Certified Relationship Clarity Coach, we dive deep into the complexities of trauma bonding and the emotional fog that often clouds toxic relationships. Together, we explore practical techniques for healing and breaking free from these cycles – which we can also call the THE FANTASY TRAP. Bre shares the importance of gathering data about your current reality and the role of body awareness in recognizing unhealthy patterns. We focus on how to regulate emotions. We also discuss the significance of integrating different parts of yourself and navigating the grief an...
2024-10-0933 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhat Works in Narcissistic Therapy? Tools and TechniquesIn this episode, I present Part 2 of a live interview with Lisa Taylor-Austin, where we discuss the complexities of narcissism and its treatment. Lisa and I delve into the psychological approaches for addressing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), agreeing that while building safety and trust is an important and necessary step, it is not enough on its own. I review additional therapeutic techniques that I have found helpful in terms of understanding deep inner struggles caused by projection and introjection. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting n...
2024-10-0224 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Two Experts Navigate Narcissistic DynamicsIn this episode, I present Part 2 of a live interview with Lisa Taylor-Austin, where we discuss the intricacies of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Lisa and I continue our discussion on psychological mechanisms like projection, introjection, and splitting, which shape the disorder and impact relationships. I emphasize the need to understand the internal dynamics of NPD, particularly how narcissistic individuals project their negative self-image onto others, leading to distorted perceptions of relationships. The conversation explores therapeutic techniques that are used to to break the projective-introjective cycle. Please click here for Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkSrHOwUur4
2024-09-2528 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhat Really Triggers Narcissistic Rage?In this episode, we explore the connection between shame and narcissism. We look at how shame is a powerful and often misunderstood emotion that is central to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Shame can drive individuals with NPD to either retreat into themselves or lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem. I discuss how shame impacts behavior and how it can be linked to early childhood experiences. We also explore how shame manifests in adult relationships. Overall, this episode delves into the complex and crippling emotional state of shame.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking v...
2024-09-1828 min
The Narcissism DecoderThe Hidden Role of Shame in Narcissistic Personality DisorderIn this episode, we explore the complex emotion of shame and its deep connection to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). We'll uncover how shame influences behavior, leading individuals to either retreat into isolation or lash out to protect their fragile self-esteem. Through relatable examples, we delve into the origins of shame in early childhood and its lasting impact on adult relationships. You'll learn to recognize the signs of shame in narcissistic behavior and gain insights into the defensive mechanisms that often accompany it. Join us as we unravel the hidden layers of shame in narcissism and discover how it shapes...
2024-09-1108 min
The Narcissism DecoderWhy Do We Destroy Our Own Happiness?In this episode of the Narcissism Decoder, we explore the complex reasons why some individuals struggle to accept positive experiences, such as love, comfort, and success. We delve into the psychological concept of splitting, where early life experiences, like critical caregiving, can lead to an internalized negative self-view. Through a case study, we discuss how this self-criticism manifests and why it becomes difficult for some to embrace supportive voices or good opportunities. We also touch on the defense mechanisms that protect a fragile sense of self, leading to behaviors like self-sabotage. Finally, we consider how increasing awareness of these...
2024-09-0426 min
The Narcissism DecoderHow Splitting Affects Your Relationships!In this episode we are joined by a listener of the podcast who raised very important questions about episode 14 “Why do I think and act in such extremes.” Celeste and I discuss the concept of splitting, which is thinking in extremes. We explore a case study of a patient who struggles with over-confidence and insecurities, depending on his different environments. He feels disconnected and lacks a sense of belonging. This split world is linked to his split representations of the two most important people in his life, his critical grandmother and supportive mother. The conversation raises questions about why he id...
2024-08-2831 min
The Narcissism DecoderThe One Trick to Help Motivate Your Child!In this episode we are joined by a long-time listener of the podcast who has insightful questions about narcissism. This interview effectively illustrates the complexity of narcissism, the challenges of parenting, the importance of self-awareness and how Jim is inadvertently reenacting a part of his childhood relationship with his father. Jim's interest in learning and improving his relationship with his daughter is palpable, he is open and honest about everyday parental challenges.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. ...
2024-08-2130 min
The Narcissism DecoderRelating to the Covert Narcissist: Tools That Work– Part 2In this episode, we continue our exploration of covert narcissism by delving into practical tools and techniques for managing relationships with individuals who exhibit these traits. Building on the foundations laid in episode 37, we discuss the limitations of common recommendations. Emphasis is placed on the importance of understanding the origins of covert narcissistic traits and the need for emotion reunion and validation. Through clinical examples, practical strategies for maintaining relationships are highlighted, including validating their experience without gratifying their need for a magical reunion. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Ma...
2024-08-1427 minSafety FactorRigging Through the Ages: Mazzella's 70-Year JourneyJoin us for a special episode of "Safety Factor" as we celebrate Mazzella Companies' 70-year journey in the rigging industry. This episode is a tribute to the legacy of innovation, dedication, and excellence that has defined Mazzella's history as a family-owned rigging industry leader.Hear from CEO Tony Mazzella and Co-owner Jim Mazzella as they share intimate details about the company's founding, key milestones, and the core values that have guided its success over seven decades."My dad's mentality of you got to be a lifelong learner. You got to stay with the times. You're...
2024-08-1343 min
The Narcissism DecoderRelating to the Covert Narcissist: Why Most Recommendations are Limited Part 1In this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella explores how to relate to someone with covert narcissistic traits. He cautions against common tools and techniques that are often ineffective, such as establishing boundaries and keeping conversations brief. Dr. Mazzella explains that these approaches limit meaningful communication and erode trust and intimacy. He highlights the importance of understanding the defining characteristics of covert narcissism, including sensitivity to criticism, emotional manipulation, and a victim mentality. Dr. Mazzella also introduces the separation individuation process as a key theory in understanding the origins of covert narcissistic traits. He concludes with a teaser for Part 2 of t...
2024-08-0730 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhy Leaving an Abusive Relationship is Hard: Trauma Bonds Explained in an InterviewIn this episode, you will hear the final piece of the live interview I had with Tami from the Ageless 50+ community. In this part of the interview, the focus is on dealing with trauma bonded relationships. Trauma bonds are explained as intense emotional connections that often form in abusive relationships, making it difficult for individuals to leave despite the harm they endure. An example is given of a woman who couldn't emotionally separate from her abusive mother, leading her to repeat similar patterns in her adult relationships. The conversation highlights how these bonds can feel addictive, much like a...
2024-07-3124 minThe Narcissism DecoderManaging Narcissistic Rage: Effective Strategies and Tips for Reducing Conflict -Live Interview 2In this episode, you will again hear a live interview I had with Tami from Ageless 50+. In this part of the interview, the focus is on dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits, particularly when they have low self-esteem. Also, through a spontaneous role play, I try to demonstrate how to talk to an angry dysregulated person in your life. The main points include the importance of helping such individuals become aware of their reactions and responses without inflaming the situation. The discussion emphasizes the necessity of not labeling or blaming the angry or dysregulated other. The episode offers...
2024-07-2421 minThe Narcissism DecoderCan A Narcissist Change? A Segment of a Live InterviewIn this episode, I had a live interview with Tami from Ageless, the 50+ community, where we discussed the definition of narcissism, the concept of a narcissist revising history, and whether narcissists can change. We delved into various therapeutic approaches to help individuals with narcissistic traits become more tolerant and increase their frustration tolerance. I also reviewed the core features of a grandiose sense of self, including exaggerated self-importance, entitlement, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and fragile self-esteem. This episode provides practical insights and techniques for fostering growth and understanding in individuals with narcissistic traits, highlighting how addressing these...
2024-07-1722 minThe Narcissism DecoderUnderstanding Black-and-White Thinking in Narcissistic Relationships: A Live Interview In this episode, I'm excited to share a segment from a live interview I had with Reframing You, an inspiring platform dedicated to personal growth and self-improvement. Throughout our conversation, I respond to insightful questions that delve deep into splitting, or black and white thinking. I highly recommend checking out her site for more valuable content; the link is below. Enjoy the episode! https://www.reframing-you.com/If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to...
2024-07-1025 minThe Narcissism DecoderUnderstanding Narcissistic Relationships: The Hidden DynamicsIn this episode, we delve into the intricacies of narcissistic traits and relationship dynamics, starting with the concept of trust and jealousy. The discussion highlights the paradox of narcissists not showing jealousy when their partner is socializing but becoming deeply affected if the relationship is threatened. This behavior is explained through the psychoanalytic concept of "affect block," a defense mechanism that masks true feelings. The episode also explores how narcissistic traits are linked to dismissive attachment styles developed from early caregiving experiences. This stance, while preserving autonomy, ultimately prevents meaningful connections, but can be addressed and prioritized in therapy...
2024-07-0333 minThe Narcissism DecoderInjustice, Resentment and Revenge: Tools and Techniques to Move Forward 2In this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella explores the topic of resentment and its impact on the healing process after infidelity. Resentment, rooted in unresolved anger and perceived injustice, serves as a barrier to both external reconciliation and internal peace. It fuels desires for revenge and retaliation, leading to the adhesiveness of trauma. The person who cheated needs to demonstrate genuine remorse, take responsibility for their actions, and address underlying issues. The person holding onto resentment must acknowledge its depth and destructiveness, grieve the loss, and seek professional therapy for individual and couples therapy.Takeaways
2024-06-2616 minThe Narcissism DecoderNavigating the Complexities of Infidelity: The Destructive Role of Resentment 1Infidelity is a complex issue that deeply impacts individuals and relationships. Understanding the reasons behind cheating, such as dissatisfaction, neglect, or narcissistic characteristics, is crucial for addressing infidelity. Regret and remorse play significant roles in the potential for relationship repair, especially when there is cognitive dissonance. Developing empathy is essential in the healing process, as it helps cheaters understand the impact of their actions. Resentment can be a significant barrier to moving forward, and addressing it is critical for emotional healing and growth.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy...
2024-06-1916 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhat to Do When You Have No MotivationUnmasking Depression: The Hidden Impact of Narcissistic Caregivers -Therapeutic InterventionsIn this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella delves into the concept of white depression, which involves an unconscious identification with a narcissistically preoccupied caregiver. He explores the impact of emotional resonance and affective attunement on an individual's development, as well as the connection between this type of depression and narcissism. Dr. Mazzella also discusses the therapeutic approach to addressing the lack of emotional resonance and affective attunement, and the role this plays on freeing oneself of feeling stuck in life and lacking motivation. If you are interested in a...
2024-06-1225 minThe Narcissism DecoderHow People Pleasing Destroys RelationshipsUnderstanding the Illusion of Excessive AgreeablenessExcessive agreeability can obstruct genuine communication and connection, leading to irritation and frustration in relationships. This behavior often stems from a fear of conflict and a desire to avoid "inner" discomfort, which is rooted in early childhood experiences with emotionally rejecting caregivers. The goal is to help individuals recognize and explore their false agreeableness, addressing the illusion of connection and the fear of being alone or abandoned. This can lead to genuine connection, emotional flexibility, and freedom.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. M...
2024-06-0624 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhy Do You Feel So Alone in Your Relationship?Alone While Together - Understanding Obstructions to Communication In this episode I am challenging you to imagine how effective communication begins with the ability to tolerate frustration and delay gratification. Obstructions to communication often arise from low frustration tolerance and poor impulse control. This can lead to impulsive actions and hinder genuine understanding. Slowing down and reflecting, which I demonstrated is not easy, enables clearer expression and deeper connection. Without meaningful communication, loneliness, emotional isolation and deprivation can persist, leading to destructive behaviors and a constant need for stimulation. Genuine connection and communication require curiosity, effort, and the a...
2024-05-2217 minThe Narcissism DecoderImproving Life & Relationships: Exploring Psychotherapy's BenefitsImproving Life & Relationships Today we explore just one way psychodynamic psychotherapy enhances quality of life and relationships. I explore how the psychodynamic process helps individuals understand and work through unresolved anger and trauma. The therapeutic process is tailored to each person's unique needs and circumstances. From the perspective of this one approach, the goal is to break the cycle of projection and introjection, where past trauma is projected onto loved ones, causing destructive "repetitive" patterns in relationships. By accurately identifying and labeling feelings, individuals can gain insight into the underlying dynamics shaping their experiences and behaviors. Once we can...
2024-05-1525 minThe Narcissism DecoderI Got Scammed! An Exploration into How This May Have HappenedIn this conversation, "I got scammed!" we explore the concept of grandiosity in narcissism. I discuss how grandiosity manifests in narcissistic individuals and the overlooked aspect of intolerable suffering. I illustrate how intolerable suffering plays out in the case of someone who was scammed. We look closely at the connection between grandiosity and the timeshare scam, highlighting the rejection of anything good and the delusional structure of the grandiose sense of self. The conversation concludes with a focus on the challenges faced by individuals with narcissistic characteristics and the importance of helping them develop the capacity to take in so...
2024-05-0817 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhat is Depression? An Investigation Into What Leads to ChangeWhat is Depression? In this episode, we discuss the role of aggression and 'bad introjects' in depression. We explore the origins of the critical and aggressive inner voice in depression, which often stems from early caregiver relationships. I emphasize how "bad" introjects develop and later in life the impact they have on fueling depression. A review of several pathways to depression is discussed and I highlight the detrimental effects of ineffective coping mechanisms. Effective treatment techniques that lead to lasting change are detailed before I conclude with a brief review of previous episodes that delve into the complexities of depres...
2024-04-2419 minThe Narcissism DecoderNavigating the Depths of Depression Among Teens: Implementing a Treatment ApproachIn this episode, I discuss a recent paper I presented on adolescent depression. I highlight the urgent need for understanding depression and effective treatment interventions for this growing mental health issue. I explore the role of "exclusion" and separation in healthy development and how, if not resolved, these painful feelings play a significant role in adolescent depression. Using a case study, I delve into the experience of depression in adolescence. Finally, we look at treatment interventions and the importance of exploring and subsequently resolving adolescent omnipotence and grandiosity. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking vir...
2024-04-1035 minThe Narcissism DecoderIntimacy Struggles in Narcissistic RelationshipsTakeaways· Self-other differentiation is critical in understanding narcissistic relationships.· Narcissistic relationships thrive when narcissistic needs are met.· The preference for illusion over reality can lead to destructive dynamics.· Embracing differences and engaging in genuine discovery of the "other" is essential for healthier relationships.· Confronting and mourning lost fantasies is a challenging but necessary process in the journey toward loving relationships. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Wa...
2024-04-0319 minThe Narcissism DecoderTreating Narcissism: How to Deal with A NarcissistIn this episode, we discuss how to relate to a narcissist in your life without sacrificing your own well-being. We explore the dynamics of dealing with constant accusations, suspicion and invasive tracking measures. I emphasize the importance of taking these accusations seriously and understanding the projection and splitting that may be occurring. I suggest and give clear examples of how to not label your partner's behaviors but instead the goal is to focus on describing what is happening in the present moment. I also highlight the significance of embracing loss and different perspectives, as well as the hope that can...
2024-03-2017 min
LA RELÈVE par Thibault LamarqueFrédéric Mazzella - BlaBlaCar / Captain Cause : Partage de routes, partage de causesAujourd'hui au micro de la Relève : Frédéric Mazzella, fondateur emblématique de BlaBlaCar et Captain Cause, a marqué l'histoire de la mobilité partagée et de l'engagement social. Imaginez un monde où le covoiturage redéfinit les déplacements et où l'entrepreneuriat a un impact social significatif. C'est la trajectoire que Frédéric Mazzella a tracée avec BlaBlaCar, devenant une licorne française. Mais l'aventure ne s'arrête pas là. Avec Captain Cause, il réinvente le mécénat d'entreprise, offrant une nouvelle voie pour soutenir des projets sociaux et environnementaux.Hébergé par Aud...
2024-03-171h 01The Narcissism DecoderWhy Narcissism Causes Anxiety in Relationships - And What Can Be DoneThis episode explores the links between anxiety and narcissism. It begins by discussing shame stress and the inner critical (angry) voice as significant causes of anxiety. The conversation then delves into the necessity for a flawless self-image and how it triggers anxiety. The connection between anxiety, narcissism, and exclusion is explored through examples of individuals who feel the center of attention. The episode also provides guidance on how to exist with someone with anxiety and narcissism, emphasizing the importance of questioning and softening the critical inner voice. The underlying issues that contribute to anxiety, such as unprocessed emotions, are...
2024-03-0615 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhy People Lash Out When They’re AnxiousIn this episode, we explore the connection between perfectionism and anxiety, highlighting how the inner critical voice fuels feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment. I discuss the role of anger as a driver of anxiety and explain how the critical inner voice originates from early relationships with overly critical parental figures. I emphasize the importance of recognizing and addressing the critical voice to achieve lasting change. I conclude by discussing anxiety as another facet of narcissism and invite listeners to continue exploring this topic with me in the next episode.If you are interested in a con...
2024-02-2813 minThe Narcissism DecoderHow to Take Charge of Your Anxiety: A Psychodynamic ApproachIn this episode, we explore the complex relationship between anxiety and shame stress. I highlight how shame stress often goes undetected and untreated in individuals dealing with narcissism. The manifestations of anxiety, including perfectionism, procrastination, and self-destructive thoughts are described and I emphasize how traditional approaches to anxiety only treat the symptom and not the underlying cause. I introduce the concept of "shame stress" and its role in driving anxiety. I share a case study to illustrate how shame stress can manifest in social situations and I demonstrate the tools and techniques that I use to foster lasting changes. I co...
2024-02-2117 minThe Narcissism DecoderParenthood and Parenting Problems: Establishing the BondIn this episode, we tackle common parental challenges like tantrums, defiance, and risky behavior. Traditional solutions often fall short, but by understanding the underlying causes—the impact of affective misattunement and rupture in the parent-child bond—we can foster healthier relationships. Rather than focusing solely on behavior, we explore tools and techniques to address the underlying emotional needs and re-establish a strong and loving connection.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me i...
2024-02-1424 minThe Narcissism DecoderIs That Narcissist Depressed, or is it Something Else?In this episode I explore the concept of narcissistic deflation and its potential misdiagnosis as depression. I highlight the importance of detecting and properly treating narcissistic deflation, which often goes unnoticed without the expertise of a trained professional in personality disorders. Shame states are identified as a key factor in this phenomenon, with examples provided to illustrate their impact on individuals. The connection between excitement, disappointment, and shame is explored, emphasizing the role of misattunement in triggering shame. I discuss the importance of regulating shame and developing self-regulation skills to prevent narcissistic injury. Finally, I offer a treatment approach f...
2024-02-0720 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhy Do I Overreact So Easily?Exploring Techniques and Overcoming Overwhelming Busyness! In this episode, Dr. Mazzella explores techniques for overcoming 'all or nothing' thinking and behaviors. He addresses a listener's question about healing fragmented selves. The conversation explores the concept of splitting and integration, the perils of perceiving the world in extremes, and the importance of accepting differences without assuming disconnection. The goal is to achieve integration and a more nuanced understanding of oneself and others. The episode concludes with an example of how Dr. Mazzella treats this kind of extreme, black or white, all or nothing thinking i...
2024-01-3114 minThe Narcissism DecoderAre Dr. Mazzella’s Treatment Strategies Effective? Listener Questions & ExperiencesIn this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella responds to listener questions, delving into topics such as coping with chaos in life and distinguishing between borderline and narcissistic traits. He explores a listener’s allure of chaos and its connection to an underlying desire for conflict and turmoil. The episode also covers Dr. Mazzella’s practical treatment strategies and a listener’s application of one of his tools when relating to a covert narcissist. The discussion concludes by addressing the distinctions between borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, emphasizing borderline traits such as powerful rage and swift, intense, and clingy involvements.If y...
2024-01-2438 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhy the Need to Create Chaos & Conflict?In this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella explores why narcissists need to create chaos. He describes the manifestations of this behavior and delves into the psychological reasons behind it. Dr. Mazzella explains how chaos-seeking narcissists play on situational vulnerability and bring up topics designed to evoke maximum emotional impact. He also discusses the gratification and satisfaction that narcissists derive from creating chaos. Dr. Mazzella provides intervention strategies, including containment, ego-supportive interventions, and exploring the need for this painful affective state. TakeawaysNarcissists create chaos to satisfy their need for emotional turmoil and to re...
2024-01-1744 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhat is Narcissistic Rage: Causes & TreatmentIn this episode of the Narcissism Decoder, we explore the intricate world of narcissistic rage by addressing three pivotal questions surrounding healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. Drawing insights from real-life examples, we delve into the nuances of anger, rage, and hatred, unraveling the complexities of emotional triggers and counter-control dynamics within relationships. The narrative offers profound insights into the patterns of narcissistic rage and provides a glimpse into making inroads with a narcissist. Join me on an interpretative journey as we connect split-off aspects in each partner, unraveling the cycle of rage within complex relationship dynamics...
2024-01-1039 minThe Narcissism DecoderTrauma Bonding: How to Break the Addictive CycleIn this episode of the Narcissism Decoder podcast, the focus is on strategies to break the trauma bonding cycle. After highlighting the complexities of these relationships, I explore commonly suggested approaches found online, pointing out their limitations and why they may fall short in addressing the profound intoxication experienced within such bonds. Specifically, I critique strategies like journaling and creating boundaries, arguing that they overlook deeper feelings, such as the need for excitement and chaos to ward off inner emptiness. I illustrate these points through a case example, contrasting superficial online advice with the nuanced exploration I believe is...
2024-01-0337 minThe Narcissism DecoderThe Trauma Bond: A Radically Different PerspectiveIn this episode of The Narcissism Decoder, we explore trauma bonding—a profound psychological pattern where individuals form intense attachments to manipulative and abusive relationships, despite recognizing the harm. Through a psychoanalytic lens, we examine connections to unprocessed early losses and the creation of sadomasochistic dynamics. Trauma bonding is revealed as a defense mechanism against a lack of vitality in the early parent/child matrix, resulting in a profound inner deadness and an inability to acknowledge loss, leading to pathological mourning. This intricate exploration unveils how the trauma bond acts as a desperate attempt to patch over emotional voids, st...
2023-12-2038 minThe Narcissism DecoderWhat Do You Do When a Narcissist Comes Home?In this episode, we explore the cyclical dynamics of a person grappling with self-hatred and projection. The individual exhibits a perpetual loop of feeling judged and persecuted. Drawing from psychoanalytic theory, I emphasize defense mechanisms, specifically projection and introjection, as key contributors to the individual's distorted perception of the external world. I highlight the struggle to break free from this cycle, emphasizing the need to increase awareness of one's inner psychic reality. The proposed treatment approach involves acknowledging destructive impulses, taking ownership of emotions, and fostering trust in actual people to shift from projecting internal judgments to introjecting healthier...
2023-12-1346 minThe Narcissism DecoderNarcissistic to Loving Relationships: Tools and Techniques to Facilitate ChangeThis episode of Narcissistic Relationship Dynamics delves deeper into the intricate dance of narcissistic dynamics, revealing a carefully crafted blueprint of elevation and devaluation with a hidden purpose. The focus shifts to the psychology of narcissistic relating, addressing the question of what needs to happen for improvement to occur. The episode provides a detailed case study, showcasing tools and techniques employed to facilitate a transformation from narcissistic ways of relating to a more loving approach. The emphasis is on moving from perceiving others as part objects to whole objects, demonstrating a tangible path to healthier relationship dynamics.If...
2023-12-0636 minThe Narcissism DecoderOmnipotent Narcissistic RelatingIn this episode, Dr. Anthony Mazzella explores the concept of the omnipotent narcissistic object relationship and how it affects relationships. He provides examples of omnipotent narcissistic relating and discusses the origins of this way of relating. Dr. Mazzella also delves into psychoanalytic theory and social media content to gain a deeper understanding of narcissistic relationships. He examines the shift from "love bombing" to devaluing. The importance of sustaining the omnipotent narcissistic object relationship is emphasized, along with the undercurrent of separation. Dr. Mazzella concludes by discussing how to work with and change the narcissistic object relationship....
2023-11-2947 minThe Narcissism DecoderRelating to the Paranoid Narcissist in Your Life: Insights and StrategiesIn this episode, I delve into the characteristics of paranoid narcissism, emphasizing their treatability and offering insights on how to relate to individuals with this personality type. I highlight their unique blend of narcissistic traits and pronounced signs of suspiciousness. Drawing from psychoanalytic theory, I explore the origins of paranoid narcissism, which sheds light on the early experiences that contribute to this personality cluster. Ultimately, the episode underscores the importance of addressing feelings of shame and humiliation as a key aspect of treatment for individuals with paranoid narcissistic tendencies.If you are interested in a consultation or...
2023-11-2134 minThe Narcissism DecoderRelating to Covert Narcissists: Insights and StrategiesRelating to Covert Narcissists: Insights and Strategies delves deep into the world of covert narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. Join me as I explore the descriptive factors, analyze the underlying causes from a psychoanalytic perspective, and shed light on the lifesaving mode of narcissistic repair. Gain valuable insights on how to navigate relationships with these individuals. If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information. Want to go deeper? Join me in Office Hours — an open space whe...
2023-11-1441 min
The Narcissism DecoderSigns of Narcissism in HealthcareIn this episode, we delved into the origins and dynamics of the punitive superego, intricately linked with perfectionism, grandiosity and narcissism. Drawing on Bion's (renowned psychoanalyst) theory of beta and alpha functioning, we illuminated how individuals may project inner conflicts onto external authorities, creating a fear of punitive consequences. By detailing the nuanced interplay between perfectionism, punitive superegos, and Bion's conceptual framework, we attempted to demonstrate the practical application of this theory.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed information.
2023-11-0735 min
The Narcissism DecoderThe Role of Perfectionism/Grandiosity among Medical Health Professionals – Part IIn this episode on perfectionism, also known in psychoanalytic terms as grandiosity, we unraveled the complex dynamics of this enduring trait. Perfectionism, defined by relentless pursuit of flawlessness and self-worth contingent on meeting exceptionally high standards, is a predominate and pervasive narcissistic trait. Through a psychoanalytic lens, we delved into object constancy, integration, and drew from Margaret Mahler's separation-individuation theory. An example was provided to illustrate how these theories come into play when interacting with someone exhibiting narcissistic traits.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. P...
2023-10-3150 min
The Narcissism DecoderIntroduction to the Narcissism Decoder PodcastA brief introduction to the goals and mission of the Narcissism Decoder Podcast is discussed. In each episode we will delve into a distinct facet of narcissism through a psychoanalytic lens. From this vantage point, we embark on a journey to unearth methods for nurturing empathy and comprehension while navigating relationships with individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits. Through thoughtful strategies, the ultimate goal is to foster personal growth and extend support to those impacted.If you are interested in a consultation or seeking virtual therapy services, Dr. Mazzella is accepting new patients. Please click here for more detailed...
2023-10-2506 min