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Showing episodes and shows of
Nick Vardon
Shows
Afternoon Drive on The Fan
Hour 5: Is Kenny Atkinson on the hot seat? + Cash Lovett
Nick and Jonathan react to Joe Vardon’s comments about Kenny Atkinson being on the hot seat. Also, they’re joined by Cash Lovett for ‘Put it on the Line with Cash Lovett.’
2025-12-19
26 min
Afternoon Drive on The Fan
Is Kenny Atkinson on the hot seat?
Nick and Jonathan react to Joe Vardon’s comments about Kenny Atkinson being on the hot seat.
2025-12-19
12 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 60 - The Social Media Flyer
In this episode, Bootstuck checks off another major cultural milestone after finally finishing Who’s the Boss—though it takes some time to determine whether the title refers to the vacuum man, the working woman, or the elderly authority figure who “likes a lot of sex and tells everybody what to do.” Confident they’ve solved it, the group prepares to move on to Perfect Strangers, pluralized for safety.The conversation shifts to springtime and snow removal, which in Bootstuck does not involve shovels, blowers, or common sense. Instead, Caleb has been personally eliminating the snow by warming it...
2025-12-18
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 59 - The Day Bootstuck Thought Lorde Was Coming
The episode opens with a chaotic voicemail and quickly spirals into a very Bootstuck conversation about frozen rivers, rubber-banding birds to make them quieter, and the town’s proudly nonsensical “fish maze.” As the caller tries (and fails) to get a coherent answer from Bootstuck’s resident rambler, the discussion veers into Valentine’s Day preparations, including a contest involving hearts hidden around town — some carved, some hung, some written in the snow in ways that probably shouldn’t be encouraged.In the middle of this already-crumbling dialogue, the caller learns that Bootstuck is preparing for a major celebrit...
2025-12-11
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 58 - The Day Jonathan Frakes Wandered In
This tape begins as an attempt to discuss traffic conditions in Bootstuck and immediately collapses into a strange meditation on Dave’s “back 40,” which turns out not to be land at all, but a graveyard of empty bottles and 14 immobile cars. Before the conversation can gain any structure, Jonathan Frakes drunkenly bursts into the recording, mutters something unintelligible, and disappears—an event the Bootstuck resident barely acknowledges before resuming his ramble. From there, the narrator is dragged through a baffling tour of Bootstuck infrastructure: snow-rubbing for warmth, a DIY sewage system powered by four milkshake straws, and a workfo...
2025-11-27
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 57 - Toilet Paper Shed 6A
In this tape, two residents attempt to solve problems they clearly do not understand, beginning with the collapse of the township’s food supply and spiraling into Dave’s catastrophic “shed incident” involving a porcupine, several gallons of maple syrup, and far too much confidence. What follows is a wandering, deeply unhelpful conversation covering toilet paper hoarding, black licorice optimism, dangerous transportation ideas, and a revolutionary invention meant to help men fake childbirth empathy. As usual, nothing is resolved and everything somehow gets worse.Send us a textwww.bootstuck.com
2025-11-20
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 56 - Bowling for Stars and Purple Kush
This tape opens with what sounds like a cheap local radio ad for World of Bowling — a chaotic pitch about “hard or soft balls” that fades into a conversation so derailed it feels like a hallucination in real time. The interviewer tries to talk about bowling, but in Bootstuck, “bowling” apparently involves rolling people down a hill and occasionally throwing Caleb at the problem.From there, the discussion drifts through roosters in boxes, gardens full of “purple kush lilacs,” and the revelation that Bootstuck’s solution to its drug problem was to simply give everyone the drugs. The town is repo...
2025-10-30
08 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 55 - The Mushroom Intelligence Test with Corn Juice
The tape begins with a voicemail — a jumble of static, mumbling, and the distinct sound of someone explaining how to “fix” a cassette with a pencil and a wiggle. From there, the conversation slides straight into Bootstuck logic: juice made from pinecones, acorns, and possibly corn itself.Soon the townsfolk are preoccupied with a new community effort — putting up lost cat posters around town. The posters, placed two feet high so the missing feline might “see them,” are an act of optimism more than strategy. From there, talk turns to the township’s new “no passing” rule — not for vehicles, bu...
2025-10-24
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 54 - Screw the Violins Together
Bootstuck receives another baffling shipment — one that somehow contains blank coins with holes, six violins (or possibly chair parts), an unidentified handled object, and an alarming number of beans. Between coughing up a real frog mid-conversation and debating how to “screw violins together,” the townsfolk attempt to make sense of their new supplies. They even claim to have a refrigerator — though it doesn’t run and functions mostly as a bookshelf.Somewhere between food safety and symphony, the group plans to teach the township how to identify edible mushrooms, a noble idea given how often everyone seems to be pois...
2025-10-19
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 53 - A Pocket Full of Slaps
A confused caller accidentally goes live on the air and immediately loses his composure, setting the tone for another chaotic dispatch from Bootstuck. Between jam jars, smoke-filled air, and impromptu fire dances, the locals’ musical ambitions get derailed by missing spoons, homemade concerts, and a mysterious old man who may—or may not—have threatened someone’s life. When the tape recorder clicks on, we hear the chilling voice of a stranger offering a pocket rummage before the narrator bolts in panic and joy at once.It’s unclear whether Bootstuck has been visited by danger, absurdity, or both—bu...
2025-10-16
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 52 - A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall (and Build a Lake)
A torrential downpour hits Bootstuck, and the townsfolk treat it like an Olympic event. Our narrator excitedly describes his tactical methods for “dodging raindrops” and “putting out buckets,” before proudly announcing the formation of a brand-new body of water—Bootstuck Lake—created (apparently) by the rain itself. In between weather reports, Hat Guy makes a slippery return after tumbling down the stairs on a pile of sports magazines no one can read. These glossy imports inspire a new community initiative: recreating cricket and other foreign sports using cut-out pictures and Bristol board enthusiasm.By the time a conversation...
2025-10-12
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 51 - The Personal Walking Association
In this installment, the documenteur’s patience continues to erode as Bootstuck introduces yet another baffling innovation: the Personal Walking Association (or “PWA”). According to the locals, it’s an organized fitness initiative led by a man named Uber who walks people around “places.” Membership numbers stretch into the millions, and no one seems entirely sure what it’s for — except that it involves walking, sometimes sideways, and occasionally into trees.From there, the topic of physical fitness meanders into Bootstuck’s unique exercise regimen: jumping over ropes that don’t move, kettlebells that don’t ring, and Halloween...
2025-10-09
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 50 - The 'Stuck' Travel Show
The documenteur, once again hanging by a thread of patience, tries to have a reasonable conversation while the residents of Bootstuck crawl around town “looking for scraps” and debating the difference between beets and beats. What begins as small talk about sore knees quickly dissolves into confusion about dance parties, water suppliers named River, and the discovery of Bootstuck’s newest local celebrity — Waving Tony, a man whose entire existence revolves around the art of waving.Tony waves at everyone and everything, sometimes so fast it’s unclear whether he has one arm or four. The docume...
2025-10-05
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 49 - Chamomile, Chloroform, and the Big Word Board
The documenteur once again attempts to establish a thread of logic in Bootstuck, only to be derailed immediately by talk of sleep aids — ranging from chamomile tea to the rather more concerning chloroform and carbon monoxide. Dave, it seems, has been missing for six weeks, but nobody’s alarmed; apparently, he was just “sleeping under a tree."When pressed about education in Bootstuck, the locals reveal their belief that everyone simply “comes with the knowledge,” meaning there are no schools, just an ever-growing pool of collective half-knowledge. The documenteur, visibly exasperated, tries to pivot toward nighttime — only to be inform...
2025-10-02
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 48 - Dave Needs Peanuts
The recording begins with confusion over who’s actually speaking—Dave has stepped away to rescue yet another burned pot of porridge, leaving the conversation in the hands of Hat Guy. What follows is an increasingly unhelpful brainstorming session about Post-it notes. Dave has been scattering them across fields, hoping the mysterious “Dropbox guy” might deliver peanuts. Suggestions arise that maybe, instead of begging for legumes, they could use the notes to ask where they actually are. Caleb is promptly assigned to line up the stickies into a giant field-wide message.From there, matters only worsen...
2025-09-28
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 47 - The Gary Pointing System
This tape drifts between nonsense poetry, snack offerings, and unexpected town updates, stitched together by interference and interruptions. It opens with a ramble about dandelions, wishes, and snow cones, before a voice insists on offering the interviewer a peanut butter sandwich through the radio. Things derail into complaints about “wave and Tony,” which is either a person, a product, or both, depending on when you tune in.The chaos continues: Bootstuck now boasts a Gary Pointing System (GPS), where a man named Gary literally tells you which way to go. Dave is c...
2025-09-25
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 46 - The Hot Chocolate Day Ruffle Kerfuffle
Another one from the Sudbury box that reads like half a weather report and half a late-night infomercial. It begins with someone solemnly tuned to the “hot chocolate channel,” explaining how to make your cocoa the exact temperature you desire — and, when it cools, how to rescue it with a scoop of something Bootstuck calls hotener. Caleb is dispatched to “boil up another pot” while the rest of the room debates whether a glass will do the job.The day turns stranger fast. Background noise (a “ruffle kerfuffle”) and what sound like two old ladies trading barbs...
2025-09-14
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
Tape 45 – Face Eyes and Moon Howls
Bootstuck begins the day with a greeting both dramatic and obvious: “Here I am. Look at my face eyes.” From there, the conversation turns lunar. The townsfolk celebrate the moon depending on its fullness—full moons get full howls, half moons get hoots, and cloudy nights simply mean supper. This tradition, naturally, comes from a wild dog.Dinner is also a focus, thanks to the arrival of 72 cans of dinosaur soup. The red-sauced noodles shaped like brontosauruses and spiky dinosaurs quickly become the new staple, though the question remains whether a brontosaurus tastes different from, say, a...
2025-09-11
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 44 - The Ocean Comes To Town
Spring stirs something in Bootstuck, and apparently that something is an ocean under construction. What began as a single hole, diligently filled with Caleb’s 17 buckets of water, has now become a civic engineering project—one bucket per week until the town achieves “ocean status.” Skeptics suggest it’s more of a pond, but optimism prevails.In equally practical fashion, the locals have invented short pants by cutting long ones in half, rotating them daily so that nobody has to fully commit to shorts or trousers. “Pants is pants is pants,” after all.A sudden...
2025-08-31
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 43 - The Bootstuck Nude Racing League
This week in Bootstuck, a new civic initiative is announced: treasure chests filled with nickels and notes will be hidden around town, doubling as both a wishing well and a municipal mystery. Meanwhile, preparations are underway for a “cake show,” featuring Gerald popping out of one, Caleb baking another, and Dave inevitably producing something spaghetti-shaped.The town also attempts a census by slapping numbered sticky notes on people’s heads—accuracy optional. And as winter ends, the community embraces “nude racing” through the sugar bush, a spring ritual that is apparently faster than skidoos, shinier than Dave’s new spools...
2025-08-28
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 42 -Dave’s Dependency Depot
Bootstuck continues its grand tradition of opening businesses that should not exist. Fish Beach, the town’s only two-fish restaurant, is thriving thanks to its “hooking parties,” while Tongues and Toes — the shoe-store-coffee-house hybrid that once served cups of Joe’s literal ashes — is finally closing its doors. (Don’t worry, the locals are going back to drinking gravy.)The conversation drifts to childhood snacks (wagon wheels, children — same thing), oddly colored elbows, and Bootstuck’s unusual take on pharmacy services. At Dave’s Dependency Depot, you can get everything from red licorice to Viagra, depending on...
2025-08-24
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 41 - A Bootstuck BBQ & A
The latest tape finds our documenter once again baffled by Bootstuck’s cast of interrupters, half-formed ideas, and curious definitions of everyday life.It begins with a supposed “hat guy” sighting, quickly derailed by a newcomer who can’t open his mouth more than a finger-width. From there, the conversation slides into a burned kettle story, the philosophy of “smart ass” versus “dumb ass,” and a failed attempt to pin the label on Steven.Dave is caught walking on a treadmill—not for health, but apparently because he refuses to buy darker clothing. He’s also hoping to white...
2025-08-21
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 40 - Pastels, Pontiacs, and Psychiatrists
Tape 40 opens with an image that’s equal parts slapstick and unsettling: Caleb, attempting what he calls “skywalking,” ties his shoelaces around his hands until he can’t breathe, only to be spun around, slapped on the backside, and sent rolling down a hill like a roly-poly bug. Inexplicably, Hat Guy leaves the room mid sentence to holler a bunch of cattle off the front lawn. From there, the conversation shifts to springtime, a subject taken with Bootstuck’s usual logic: last year it meant Caleb strapping springs to his shoes; this year it will mean scattering springs across the forest...
2025-08-17
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 39 - Even Steven Marbles
The tape opens with a heated accusation of lying, quickly derailed into a plan for a New Month’s Resolution: stop working out and start smoking (though the order is negotiable). A discussion of pizza geometry (round box, square pie, triangle slice) swerves into the concept of “topic drift,” which apparently includes drifting cars in Tokyo via mysterious wind power.Attention shifts to Stephen “Marbles” — a Bootstuck local with mismatched legs and shoes that somehow even out. His nickname sparks a brief shouting match of “Marbles!” before a strange “ding, ding, ding” interrupts. The host rushes outside, tangled in an extra...
2025-08-14
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 38 - Landfish and Nuts Between Your Legs
The tape begins with a triumphant ode to soup — thick enough to hold a flag and hotter than rice — before veering into an odd declaration that “science is a fact.” This somehow segues into a taxonomy lesson where chickens are “land fish” and tuna is “the chicken of the sea.”A grim food memory surfaces: polishing off a case of tuna, only to realize the tins bore a picture of a cat. From there, dinner talk becomes a roulette of chickpeas, mashed pumpkin, and the occasional mystery can — sometimes opened “between your legs” to check for “different nuts.”It all ends...
2025-08-10
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 37 - "Current Affairs and Squeezin Rita"
What begins with a vague reference to “current affairs” quickly turns into another Bootstuck spiral of half-finished thoughts, potatoes, and emotional trauma. The narrator once again attempts to document meaningful insight from the townsfolk, only to be met with suspicious snuggling rumors, unsettling clown chatter, and a sudden confession about itchy necks and abandoned parents. Somewhere in the chaos, a circus is being planned — or perhaps invented on the spot. Either way, Dave is involved, Caleb may be painting horses, and someone has three photos of snails ready for the big show.Highlights:A crypti...
2025-08-07
04 min
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
TAPE 36 - "Traffic Lights in The Amazon"
In this unusually musical instalment, the town confronts the potential arrival of a Walmart with its usual level of deeply flawed logic and overly enthusiastic planning.The tape opens with a morning anthem, improvised in real time and including references to jackets, wolves, and " Walking your Steven" Things escalate quickly from there.Concerned about the rise of future tourism and traffic, the gang discusses installing traffic lights in the center of town. There’s only one problem: Bootstuck has just one intersection and no actual traffic. Solutions inc...
2025-08-03
04 min