Shows
Modern LoveAndrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your HeartIn the new movie “We Live in Time,” the actor Andrew Garfield plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dishes together after a dinner party, sharing biscuits, smelling fruit at a farmers’ market. These are the moments that sustain them through Almut’s excruciatingly difficult medical crisis.In this episode, Garfield reads the Modern Love essay “Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss,” by Chris Hun...
2024-10-0950 min
Modern LoveWere We the ‘Fat Couple’?Courtenay Hameister worked hard to stop feeling shame about her body size, but she also had a cruel inner monologue that just wouldn’t leave her alone. At times, her internalized fatphobia was so powerful, she couldn’t think about romance at all. But when Courtenay started dating Jason, everything felt different. He was fat, too, as well as smart, funny, and handsome.When Courtenay realized she was starting to gain weight again, though, she became obsessed with the idea that other people were judging her and Jason, and she made a decision she would immediately regret.This episode is adap...
2024-10-0234 min
Modern LoveMyha’la’s Relationship Advice? Get in a Fight.On the HBO high finance drama “Industry,” basically everyone serves cruel insults. It’s part of the culture at their bank, Pierpoint. But Myha’la’s character, Harper Stern, goes after friends and enemies with deep, cutting verbal attacks.Myha’la reads a Modern Love essay by a woman with the opposite problem: Laura Pritchett and her husband have avoided conflict for so long, she writes, that the fights they’re not having are tearing them apart. Myha’la also tells the host, Anna Martin, about the kind of communication style she strives to maintain, and what it’s like when she and her f...
2024-09-2531 min
Modern LoveGillian Anderson Wants to Hear Your Sexiest FantasiesThe actor Gillian Anderson (“The X-Files,” “The Fall,” “Sex Education”) has become an advocate for sexual openness, whether through her on-screen personas, launching a libido-boosting soda brand, attending the Golden Globes in a vulva-embroidered dress or through her new book, “Want: Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous,” which showcases the secret fantasies of anonymous women, curated by Ms. Anderson herself.Today, Ms. Anderson reads and discusses the Modern Love essay “On Tinder, Off Sex,” which follows a woman who becomes unintentionally celibate after a painful breakup. The author fantasizes about past and potential loves but can’t seem to break out of what her doctor has ca...
2024-09-1834 min
Modern LovePeter Gallagher’s Marriage Advice? Don’t Get Divorced.Actor Peter Gallagher (Sex, Lies, & Videotape and The O.C.) met his wife, Paula Harwood, over forty years ago in college in a stairwell meet-cute. Since then, they’ve maintained a loving marriage and managed to raise a family while navigating the world of show business.We talked to Peter on his 41st wedding anniversary, and he read us the Modern Love essay “Failing in Marriage Does Not Mean Failing at Marriage” by Joe Blair. Despite the essayist being kicked out of the house by his wife five times, the couple managed to remain married and learn that a relationship can me...
2024-05-2229 min
Modern LoveLiza Colón-Zayas, of ‘The Bear,’ on Loving Someone Who’s in the Fight of Their LifeOn the Emmy- and Peabody-winning series “The Bear,” Liza Colón-Zayas plays Tina Marrero, a cook at the Chicago restaurant at the center of the story. Tina and her fellow workers are in a constant struggle for the survival of their restaurant, and they fight just as fiercely with one another. Only at rare moments do we see them drop the tough exterior and show one another love or respect.Today, Colón-Zayas reads “A Web Between Her Body and Mine,” by Karen Paul. It’s a Modern Love essay about two friends who also met at work, but have a different...
2024-05-1532 min
Modern LoveI Married My Subway CrushZoe Fishman couldn’t stop thinking about the man she called her “subway crush.” For years, she saw Ronen on the train and admired him from afar.When they finally connected, it turned out Ronen felt the same, and they began a blissful life together. But when their story took a devastating turn, Zoe had to grapple with longing for Ronen at a distance again.For the final episode of our season, we hear about the joy and loss that showed up in Zoe’s life, and the remarkable way she learned to live with both of them.Zoe Fishman is the auth...
2023-12-0628 minModern LoveAuthor Read: I Married My Subway CrushZoe Fishman reads her Modern Love essay, “The Subway Crush Who Crushed Me."To hear our conversation with Zoe, listen to the episode: “I Married My Subway Crush.”Zoe Fishman is the author of several novels, most recently “The Fun Widow’s Book Tour.”
2023-12-0613 minModern LoveAuthor Read: Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It DidSonja Falck reads her Modern Love essay, “Our 34-Year Age Gap Was Showing."To hear our conversation with Sonja, listen to the episode: “Our 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It Did.”
2023-12-0113 minModern LoveOur 34-Year Age Gap Didn’t Matter, Until It DidSonja Falck was immediately attracted to Colin, the professor who was renting her a room. He was intellectual and lively, with bright eyes that drew her in. It was only after they were already dating that Sonja found out Colin’s age: He was 34 years older than her.Their age gap didn’t give them pause. Sonja and Colin got married, had kids and built a fulfilling life together. But when Colin reached his 80s, and Sonja was in her mid-40s, Sonja realized she was craving a level of physical intimacy that Colin could no longer provide.So Sonja and...
2023-11-2933 minModern LoveAuthor Read: Two Boys on Bikes, Falling in LoveEric Darnell Pritchard reads their Modern Love essay, “Two Boys on Bicycles, Falling in Love."To hear our conversation with Eric, listen to the episode: “Two Boys on Bicycles, Falling in Love.”
2023-11-2410 min2023-11-2223 minModern LoveAuthor Read: He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With HimJessica Slice reads her Modern Love essay, “He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him."To hear our conversation with Jessica, listen to the episode: “He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him.”
2023-11-1712 minModern LoveHe Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With HimWhen Jessica Slice started dating a man named David, there was a lot to like about him. They could nerd out about books and board games, he was thoughtful and kind. But Jessica had a problem. The more caring David was, the more she recoiled. "He’s the greatest!" She texted her sister. "But I doubt I’ll go out with him again." This wasn’t the first time she'd felt like fleeing from affection, but something about David made Jessica hesitate. Was she finally ready for a new kind of love?
2023-11-1530 minModern LoveDid I Fail as a Parent?Rick Reiss was scared for his teenage son, Gabriel. Gabe was struggling with depression and mood swings, and no amount of therapy or medication seemed to work.But when Gabe became violent, Rick wasn’t just scared for his son; he was scared of his son. Rick and his wife felt as if they had to do something drastic. So they made the decision to send Gabe to a wilderness therapy program.Nearly 18 years later, father and son talk about the decision that changed both of their lives and how their relationship has grown now that Gabe is an adult.
2023-11-0829 minModern LoveAuthor Read: My Sweaty RevengeChristi Clancy reads her Modern Love essay, “Revenge of the Friend."To hear our conversation with Christi, listen to the episode: “My Sweaty Revenge.”
2023-11-0311 minModern LoveMy Sweaty RevengeChristi Clancy had been avoiding her best friend’s ex-husband. He’d unexpectedly left her friend for another woman. After supporting her friend through the pain and heartbreak, Christi couldn’t help but resent the ex-husband for all the damage he’d done.So when the man walked into Christi’s spin class, she saw an opportunity to exact revenge in the best way she knew how: on a spin bike.
2023-11-0118 minModern LoveI Wrote This Essay, but Then Changed My MindHeather Sellers wrote her Modern Love essay in 2013, about reconnecting with her elderly, estranged father. Although their relationship was painful, Heather made sure that her last words to her father were “I love you.” And at the time, that felt like closure.Now, 10 years later, Heather tells our host, Anna Martin, that she would write a completely different essay today. She sees her father, and herself, in a new light — and realizes that “forgiveness” isn’t as simple a concept as she once believed.
2023-10-2526 minModern LoveAuthor Read: What Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?Deanna Fei reads her Modern Love essay, “To Keep but Not Be Kept."To hear our conversation with Deanna, listen to the episode: “What Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?”
2023-10-2013 minModern LoveWhat Does It Mean to Be a Kept Woman?Deanna Fei did not need a man. She was in her 20s, living in Shanghai on a Fulbright scholarship, writing her first novel: a book about fiercely independent Chinese women, very much like Deanna herself.Growing up as a first-generation Chinese American, Deanna resented the way some men, specifically white men, looked down on her. She refused to be anyone’s fetish. By the time she arrived in Shanghai, she had sworn off dating white men all together.But then, Deanna met a man: an older, successful white man, who offered to provide for her as she pursued her dreams. Wa...
2023-10-1827 minModern LoveAuthor Read: Don’t Hide in the Bathroom StallSusan Gelles reads her Modern Love essay, “Single, and Surrounded by a Wall of Men."To hear our conversation with Susan, listen to the episode: “Don't Hide in the Bathroom Stall.”
2023-10-1313 minModern LoveDon’t Hide in the Bathroom StallSusan Gelles was a lawyer in her 30s who was too busy to find love. But after finally admitting that she was lonely, Susan did something that went against all her best instincts. She started attending singles mixers.On this episode, Susan shares her disastrous mismatches, awkward flirtations and the story of how she almost missed her chance to meet the love of her life.
2023-10-1126 minModern LoveAuthor Read: Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?Khalid Abdulqaadir reads his Modern Love essay, “The Polygraph Test That Saved My Marriage." To hear our conversation with Khalid, listen to the episode: “Have You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?”
2023-10-0612 minModern LoveHave You Ever Kept a Secret From Your Wife?Khalid Abdulqaadir’s life was full of secrets. He started keeping them when he was a teenager, after his father was accused of an unimaginable crime. He didn’t want to explain his family history every time he started a new relationship. So his secrets followed him, even as he got married.Many years later, Khalid was interviewing for a job in the U.S. government, and he was required to take a polygraph test. The examiner asked him a question he could not avoid: “Have you ever kept a secret from your wife?”Khalid knew that it was time to tell...
2023-10-0430 minModern LoveI Needed David Schwimmer’s HelpSamantha Joseph’s childhood was scattered with golden trips to California to visit her Aunt Gail. Aunt Gail was the cool aunt. She worked in Hollywood and befriended actors like Robin Williams, Mayim Bialik and the cast of “Friends.” And yet she was still relatable (she’d get on the floor and play like a kid).One day, those trips to California stopped: Aunt Gail no longer wanted to see Samantha’s family. Samantha was devastated, and several years later, she was devastated again by the news that Aunt Gail had died by suicide.Today, Samantha shares her search for answers fo...
2023-08-0225 minModern LoveEssay Read: I Had To Stop Asking WhySamantha Joseph reads her Modern Love essay, “I Had to Stop Asking Why.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Samantha in the “Modern Love” podcast feed - the episode is called “I Needed David Schwimmer’s Help:. You can also read Samantha’s essay on the New York Times website here.
2023-08-0212 minModern LoveEssay Read: How I Lost the Fiancé But Won the HoneymoonNell Stephens reads her Modern Love essay, “How I Lost the Financé but Won the Honeymoon.” You can listen to Anna’s interview with Nell in the “Modern Love” podcast feed. You can also read Nell’s essay on the New York Times website here.
2023-07-2712 minModern LoveHow I Lost the Fiancé But Won the HoneymoonBored and in love, Nell Stevens found a hobby combing the internet and entering her name into online contests. But, when she actually wins a prize — a luxury honeymoon in India — her world falls apart: The man she thought she was going to marry breaks up with her.She decides to go on the trip anyway.On today’s show, the host Anna Martin talks with Nell about her fiancé-less honeymoon — and what she had discovered about herself by the time she returned home.Today’s story“How I Lost the Fiancé but Won the Honeymoon ,” By Nell Stevens
2023-07-2623 minModern LoveMy Invisible HusbandThe last time David visited his ailing grandmother, he hid his wedding ring in his pocket. He’d never told her about his identity as a gay, married man. Fearful David’s grandmother would disown him, his family never told her about David’s loving marriage with his husband, Constantino. It was an untruth David lived with until the day she died.Today, David shares how that untruth left a gaping hole in his relationship with his grandmother — and the power of telling the truth in his eulogy.Today’s story“The House Where My Husband Doesn’t Exist,” By David Khalaf
2023-07-1914 minModern LoveThe Day My Family Changed ForeverImagine you are on vacation. Your favorite shirt is waiting for you in your suitcase. You go to put it on, only to realize it’s not there. You forgot it, and there’s nothing you can do now.That’s an experience that played out time and again for Natalie Muñoz, who split her childhood and adolescence between her parents’ houses after their divorce. Now that she’s turning 18, she tells us how she’s finding a balance that works better for her.Then, Modern Love listeners share stories about the moment they knew their parents were really divorcing and...
2023-07-1223 minModern LoveThe Gift of Holiday MenKema Christian-Coates’s childhood was filled with “holiday men,” absentee fathers — including her own — who returned each year around Christmas only to disappear again. Her father’s absence left a hole in her life and the fear that she, like her mother and grandmother, would never find a man she could rely on.Today, we hear Kema’s story on realizing the power of her mother and grandmother’s presence in her life and on finding a lasting partnership.Today’s story:“The Gift of Missing Men,” by Kema Christian-Coates
2023-07-0510 minModern LoveSex on the Run? No, We Parked.Having sex in a car is usually a last resort, born from the trappings of youth. For Susan Silas, it was a midlife necessity.While working as a production accountant on a sitcom, Susan met a teamster. Despite having little in common — he was former military; she had been an antiwar protester — they hit it off. But, without a private place to go to, they found themselves having sex in the back seat of the teamster’s car. It wouldn’t be the last time.Today, Susan shares how car sex turned into something deeper.Today’s story:“Sex on the Run? No...
2023-06-2818 minModern LoveWhat I Got Wrong About My Parents’ MarriageAs one of the only Indian girls in her tiny Canadian mountain town, Natasha Singh stood out — and she was unafraid of being different. At 13, she shaved her head. By 17, she had run away for good. A few years later she came out to her mother.Natasha’s worldview was worlds apart from her very traditional immigrant parents. Her mother always wore a sari — never pants — and Natasha longed for the power and control her father wielded in the family. She balked at the idea of marriage. That is, until she found Branly.Now, decades after leaving home and watching her pare...
2023-06-2125 minModern LoveFor a 30-Year-Old Virgin, It’s Now or NeverClare Almand was born with congenital heart disease, so her life was never what she would call “normal.” By the time she was 30, she’d had 10 open-heart surgeries and her health was rapidly declining. Clare thought she was dying.With death looming, she was running out of time to do something she’d never done, something she felt like everyone else had already checked off their list. Clare felt she was running out of time to lose her virginity.Today, Anna Martin sits down with Clare to discuss wanting to be normal, at least in one small way.
2023-06-1418 minModern LoveThe Marriage Proposal That Wasn’tBob Morris could tell that something was changing with his elderly father: His car was clean, his manners had improved and he had a shine in his eyes. He had a new “lady friend.” Her name was Arlene.Arlene loved Bob’s father, but she also set clear boundaries with him. She didn’t want to care for him when he got sick and — despite what Bob’s father led Bob to believe — she didn’t want to marry him.Today, Anna Martin talks to Bob about his father’s last love story. Then, she talks to Arlene herself about a misunderstood ma...
2023-06-0729 minModern LoveWe Dated for Three Years. He Forgot It All.Sam and Tyler’s relationship was built on a philosophy of joy. Together, they climbed trees, ate cream puffs in bed, and danced in a field with their friends. But, after three years together, Sam was no longer in love, and they broke up.A few months later, Sam was in a terrible accident. He had amnesia. He knew Tyler was important to him, but not why. He’d forgotten their entire relationship — and he didn’t remember their breakup. Now, Sam needed Tyler to fill in the gaps. Over hospital visits she shared photos and stories — trying to bring back Sam’s...
2023-05-3127 minModern LoveHe Ghosted. I'm Grateful.Denny Agassi moved to New York City with a mission: She was looking to have great sex.Her first summer in the city, Denny downloaded the dating app Grindr. She filtered for trans friendly men looking for sex or short flings — and it worked.Then, one day, she got a message from a man named Jack. He was poised, curious and caring. What she thought could only be something casual — a Grindr relationship — turned into something serious and meaningful. Denny’s guard began to fall.But, just as she began to let Jack in, he was gone.This is the final ep...
2023-04-1221 minModern LoveDating Advice From Jay ShettyWhen Jay Shetty graduated from college, he was prepared for two different paths in life: to work in finance, or become a Hindu monk.After three years at an ashram, Shetty returned home to London hoping to share his learning with the world. He had to relearn how to make small talk — and how to flirt. He had his eye on someone special: a down-to-earth woman named Radhi.Their first date was a disaster. But it helped him realize that Radhi, who would one day become his wife, yearned for a more simple and authentic mode of connection — qualities he knew...
2023-04-0521 minModern LoveThe Healing Power of Love (Island)12 hopeful singles, thrown into a villa in Spain, hooking up, breaking up and making up. When Sophie Mackintosh was experiencing one of the darkest periods of her life, the reality TV show became her obsession. There was something about it that was deeply validating — and kept her coming back.Today: Sophie’s reflections on "Love Island." Plus, Lindsey Underwood, a Styles editor at The New York Times, gives us the lowdown on the show (she’s a superfan).After, Melissa Akie Wiley shares her Tiny Love Story about healing from a childhood trauma — and finding the love and acceptance she had thou...
2023-03-2921 minModern LoveHow a $100 Bet Saved Our RelationshipMark Jason Williams and his mom often butted heads on two issues: She was uncomfortable when he brought up anything about being gay, and he was tired of her incessantly talking about how he survived childhood cancer.By the age of 40, Mark had reached his wit’s end. He stopped pleading for her to change and instead proposed a $100 bet. But the real change in their relationship came when Mark broke his end of the bargain. Today, Mark and his mother, Betty Williams, tell their story.Modern Love listeners, we want to hear from you! We’re conducting a brief surv...
2023-03-2222 minModern LoveStop Looking for the Perfect Partner“The only three men I had ever imagined a future with all told me that something was missing,” Oz Johnson wrote in her Modern Love essay. When Oz was 23, her boyfriend said she met 99 percent of his criteria, but she was missing 1 percent. Over a decade later, another man broke up with her via email. Their love was almost perfect, he said, but not enough to last.What is this missing, unquantifiable feeling? Oz used to be haunted by these rejections, but now she has come to embrace the search for imperfect love.After: Nancy Cardwell wasn’t looking for love —...
2023-03-1522 minModern LoveI Imagine Him HereFelice Neal was in the checkout line at Whole Foods when she dropped her sweet potato. A handsome customer behind her said, “I think this is yours.” Felice was smitten.Felice believes this meet-cute was fate — and it opened her up to new ways of looking for love in a city full of millions of strangers.Then, Jessica Strange shares her story about losing her husband, and selling the house they had lived in with their children. These days, she looks at photos of their old home on Zillow. Even though the rooms look different now, she finds solace in them...
2023-03-0822 minModern LoveDominate Me, but Not Like ThatWhen it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay.That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M.Today, Aly shares her story about exploring domination and kink, and what it has taught her about setting boundaries and demanding honesty. She calls this mind-se...
2023-03-0122 minModern LoveQuestions I Can’t Ask My FatherIn her early 20s, Annabelle Allen longed to know what her dad had been like when he was her age. How did he spend his Saturdays? What was his first impression of her mom? When did he feel lonely? But Annabelle’s dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 62, and ever since, memories of his past had started slipping away.Recently, Annabelle was cleaning up her parents’ storage bin when she made an incredible discovery: more than a dozen of her dad’s old journals. They were a gift that gave her a window into her father’s past — and...
2023-02-2219 minModern LoveThe Tricky Geometry of a ThroupleFor years, Evan Sterrett’s relationship with his boyfriend had become “reruns of the same drama.” Evan wanted space; his boyfriend wanted commitment. But one summer, their relationship received a guest star — a third partner who resuscitated their joie de vivre.Today, we hear Evan’s story about navigating the complex geometry of throuplehood. Then, we meet Samatra and April Doyle. They don’t live together and don’t co-parent, but they are married and intend to be together forever.
2023-02-1523 minModern LoveI Promised God It Was the Last TimeGrowing up in an ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community, Sara Glass was used to following strict rules — including what to wear, when to get married and whom to love. “I had strong feelings that I really should be with a woman and not with a man,” she told our host, Anna Martin. “But I wanted to do what God said was right.”Sara married her first husband at age 19. After two marriages to men, and years of working as a psychologist who strove to create a safe space for her clients, Sara was done hiding that she was gay. Today, Sara shares her experi...
2023-02-0825 minModern LoveYour Weirdest DatesWhat’s the most unusual place you’ve ever been on a date? We asked Modern Love listeners and the responses did not disappoint. Rummaging through landfills, listening to cases in night court … the stories get weird. Plus, there’s one that our host, Anna Martin, considers the most bizarre of all (hint: dead bodies).For our last episode of 2022, we start with Dev Aujla’s essay about how he wound up traveling on a cargo ship across the Atlantic ocean with a woman who, weeks earlier, had broken up with him at the advice of her astrologer. Then, we hear from...
2022-12-1422 minModern LoveA Bond Thicker Than BloodBrandon Kyle Goodman never knew his father, but he did know his Uncle Ronnie. Uncle Ronnie was Brandon’s godfather, originally his mom’s college bestie — and essentially, her sibling. Uncle Ronnie owned a hair salon, used words like “fabulous” and “honey” and was “the only person who never questioned my effeminate nature,” Brandon said. But when Brandon became an adult, their relationship changed.Today, Brandon reads his essay about the enduring bond with Uncle Ronnie. Then: Franki Kidd tells us about a stranger she met outside a bodega in Queens who changed her life.
2022-12-0718 minModern LoveNo More HidingAn A-student, a striving employee and a loyal friend, Terri Cheney is the sort of person who seems to have it all together. But, beneath her glowing facade, she faced the highs and lows of bipolar disorder. She kept her mental illness separated from her personal and professional lives, but she could not conceal this part of herself when it came to dating.After Terri’s essay, we peek into another story: the romance of Dave and Janelle Funchess. When they met, he knew he wanted to date her. For a while it didn’t happen, because she was with some...
2022-11-3020 minModern LoveEncore: When Two Open Marriages CollideWhat are the boundaries of an open marriage? What happens to them when your wife’s boyfriend has an accident that puts him in a coma? And what do you tell the kids?Today, we’re revisiting Wayne Scott’s story about his open marriage — and a motorcycle accident that tested its boundaries. Then, we hear from Wayne and his wife, Elizabeth Thielman, about the dynamics of their “creative arrangement” and how their relationship has evolved in the years since.
2022-11-2321 minModern LoveFalling for Your Sperm DonorRex and Katharine met on a trip in South Dakota. She wanted a baby; he did not. Could he be a sperm donor? No problem. The agreement was simple. They would both get what they wanted: Katharine would raise her baby in California, and Rex would continue his life as a builder and tinker in Michigan.Then, they fell in love.After hearing Katharine’s story, Anna Martin, our host, talks with Rex about changing his mind, unlearning generational lessons and raising a son who is comfortable asking his dad questions.Today’s story:“Seeking a Father for My Child (Relati...
2022-11-1617 minModern LoveWhat to Do With the Time We GetAri Diaconis knew a bright future lay ahead of him. He was a gifted athlete with a well-paying job at a Wall Street law firm, and a partner, Dunia, with whom he shared a deep connection. But a neurological illness shifted his vision for the path ahead and shined a spotlight on the present — snuggles in bed and time spent in their apartment — a life raft from the city downstairs.In 2018, Ari died. After we hear his story, we chat with Ari’s younger sister, Alix, about their 3,000-mile bike trip across the country and on learning to protect someone who on...
2022-11-0920 minModern LoveThe Internet Still Thinks I'm PregnantAmy Pittman was thrilled about her first pregnancy. She immediately downloaded a pregnancy app, and she was charmed when it showed her baby had grown from the size of a lavender bud to the size of a chocolate chip. When she miscarried, she deleted the app and the chocolate chip avatar, but the internet never caught on. Seven months later, Amy received a sample of baby formula. Although she had deleted the pregnancy app, the baby formula company didn’t know — and thought she was a new mom. She laughed — what else could she do — and loved the idea that her choc...
2022-11-0217 minModern LoveNot the Daughter She WantedHer whole life, Putsata Reang (Put, for short) was accustomed to exceeding her parents expectations. She excelled in her career, paid for her parents to go on trips together and maintained a tight connection to her siblings and community.Yet a fundamental part of Put – her identity as bisexual – was enough to crack the foundations of their relationship. When Put’s mother did not attend her wedding to the woman of her dreams, she feared she would never close the distance between them.Today, Put shares an update on her relationship with her Ma — and reveals what’s given her the streng...
2022-10-2620 minModern LoveEncore: A Lifetime of Good LovingToday, we’re revisiting the story of Bette Ann Moskowitz, who lost her husband of 56 years on the eve of the coronavirus pandemic. When Bette first met her husband, she was taken by his “smoldering looks and banked fires.” He was from Brooklyn; she was from the Bronx. They had little in common and their “prospects were not good,” as Bette put it, but they got married anyway.Bette’s husband died in February 2020, which isolated her just before the rest of the world locked down. On today’s episode, Bette shares the secret to what kept her and her husband togeth...
2022-10-1923 minModern LoveWhen the Music StoppedGrowing up in Brooklyn, Sonia Pérez recalled how her father would drink beer, sit on the sofa and lose himself in records from Puerto Rico, where he grew up. One day, he stopped listening. Sonia and her siblings wondered why. On the other side of the world, in Ireland, Grainne Armstrong recalls the moment she experienced her daughter’s love for the first time, set to a soundtrack of opera and birdsong. Today, two stories about a parent and child longing for a deeper connection – and how music sparked their understanding of one another.
2022-10-1218 minModern LoveHow to Learn My Love LanguageWhen Ross Showalter turned 18 and began dating hearing men, he found himself communicating with them on their terms: using spoken language. Years of speech lessons and lip-reading practice forced Ross, who is Deaf, to conform to a society that favors sound. All of these men made the same promise: to learn sign language, only to never follow through.Then, on a spring day in the midst of the pandemic, Ross met Will. Will vowed to shatter the pattern of false promises that had haunted Ross’s dating life.Today, we invite you to carefully listen to Ross’s story, read by t...
2022-10-0519 minModern LoveOne Last HaircutThey were standing in a Walmart parking lot when William’s wife turned to him and asked, “Are you gay?” Those three words catalyzed the end of their marriage, and the end of a 22-year partnership filled with many joys and rituals, including the haircuts William’s wife gave him. But those words were also an opportunity for growth — and a chance for William to heal.In this episode, William Dameron shares his story of coming out to his wife and daughters. Then our host, Anna Martin, talks to William about what life is like many years later.
2022-09-2818 minModern LoveHow to Feel Yourself“Everyone deserves an orgasm” is a fair way to express Diana de Vegh’s attitude toward life. Diana is a firm believer in the pursuit of pleasure — of all sorts — for all people.As we kick off a new season of Modern Love, our host, Anna Martin, gets Diana’s advice on how people can infuse sensuality into their day-to-day lives. (Hint: a chilled beverage, a warm bath and a juicy mango.)We also listen to Diana’s story about seeking help at a sleek sex shop in downtown Manhattan. Why should a legally blind 83-year-old woman have to struggle so much just t...
2022-09-2119 minModern LoveCould I Forgive Him One Last Time?When Victoria Rosner was seven months pregnant, her husband filed for divorce. He “decided that he couldn’t be married anymore, not to me, he said, and probably not to anyone,” Victoria wrote in her Modern Love essay.A couple of years later, while they were living many miles apart, he reached out to her with a request. He had been diagnosed with a cancer that had metastasized to his bones, and he wanted to spend the time he had left with Judah, their young son. Victoria had to make a complicated decision: to forgive her ex and allow him into J...
2022-08-0320 minModern LoveHow to Find the OneWhen Meher Ahmad first saw the movie “Bend It Like Beckham” as a young girl, she was transfixed. Watching the main character, an Indian woman who looked like her, kiss her white soccer coach, she saw a vision of her own romantic future. While she felt pressure from her family and her culture to be with a Pakistani boy, the movie opened up her lanes of attraction — from white boys to, eventually, “anything but brown men.”As Meher grew older, though, her thinking started to shift. Today, we share her story about how she found “the one.” Then, our host, Anna Martin, d...
2022-07-2718 minModern LoveThe Shame GameThe year was 2006, and Damon Young had just met a woman on MySpace. Their back-and-forth was witty, flirty and easy. They went on a first date at Barnes & Noble, where they browsed books and continued to vibe.Things were going great, Damon thought. That is, until she called off their second date. Damon was confused, but he had a hunch about what fueled her sudden disinterest: his teeth.Damon’s teeth had always been a source of shame and anxiety for him. “I know that in America, good, strong, bright, straight teeth signal good, strong, bright, straight money,” he wrote in his...
2022-07-2021 minModern LoveA Mother's SecretAyad Akhtar’s parents met in Pakistan in the early ’60s, when they were both medical students and “ridiculously attractive” — or so their friends say. Despite having a love marriage (against the wishes of their parents), theirs was rocky from the start.“By the time I was 4, I already knew my father had ‘other women,’ as my mother used to call them,” Ayad wrote in his Modern Love essay. But it wasn’t until years later, when Ayad was an adult, that his mother shared her own confession with him. Today, Ayad tells his story about seeing his mother in a new light. Then, we...
2022-07-1318 minModern Love‘Do It, I Dare You.’In his early 20s, Kevin Renn moved to New York City with dreams of making it as a playwright. When money got tight, he decided to fall back on a familiar option: babysitting.“The question, though, wasn’t whether I would be a good nanny, but if anyone would let me — as a Black man who is over six feet tall,” Kevin said in his Modern Love essay.Kevin soon became a nanny to Lucas, a 4-year-old boy with a wide smile and stylish parents. Today, Kevin takes us into his secret world with Lucas — their intertwining daily routines, the nights ful...
2022-07-0617 minModern LoveLeft to Be FoundYvonne Liu knew from a young age that she was adopted, but she didn’t know the details. All she knew was that she had been left by her birth mother in a busy stairwell in Hong Kong. It wasn’t until she was 30, on the night before a critical surgery, that she was given a handwritten note in Chinese that transformed her understanding of where she had come from.Meanwhile, Lynn Domina had never envisioned herself as a mother — until she met Amy, a spunky 8-year-old who was obsessed with “Harry Potter.”On today’s episode, we hear from two women ab...
2022-06-2917 minModern LoveOnly With DistanceNora Johnson had been making weekly visits to older man after he suffered a mild stroke. But he wasn’t just any older man. “We had the worst marriage in the history of human relations,” Nora wrote in her 2014 Modern Love essay. “Dysfunctional doesn’t even begin to describe it.”During her visits, the memories would coming pouring back: the fights, the vacations, the plunging bank account. But Nora’s ex-husband had forgotten all that. He’d even forgotten her. And this blank slate had presented an opportunity.Today, we listen to Nora’s story about reconnecting with her ex in spite of their...
2022-06-2220 minModern LoveA Younger ManHeather von Rohr had moved to Los Angeles with aspirations: to make it as a screenwriter and to fall in love, marry and have a child. In need of a day job, she took an entry-level position at the research library of a prestigious film academy.At the library, she met Nick — who was 13 years younger than she was and in no position to support a family.Today, we also meet Edgar and Beatriz, a couple featured in our Vows column, who tell their own story of letting go of expectations and finding each other in the process.
2022-06-1520 minModern LoveMarriage Classes at GuantánamoMansoor Adayfi was only 19 when he arrived at the prison camp at the Guantánamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba. Growing up in a tiny village in the mountains of Yemen, “I didn’t know much about the world,” he said. “Now my world was Guantánamo.”For a period during his 14 years there, he and his fellow detainees organized informal classes for one another. There was a cooking class, taught by a former chef. In a marriage class, they learned about love. They shared their views on how men should treat women, they discussed what it would feel like to meet the...
2022-06-0818 minModern LoveSeason Premiere: One Man's TrashWhen Mike Rucker and his partner, John, moved in together, they purchased a sofa they affectionately named Miss Bee. “I didn’t just feel grown up buying this sofa, I felt sophisticated,” Mike wrote in his Modern Love essay. Miss Bee had low arms, wooden legs with brass wheels and a white denim slipcover. Miss Bee was not only a provider of comfort, but also the anchor of Mike and John’s home life. For our season premiere, we listen to Mike’s story about the process of saying goodbye to Miss Bee — and the role she played for him in grieving...
2022-06-0122 minModern LoveA New Season for the SummerWe have exciting news: We’ll be back on Wednesday, June 1, for a new season of stories. In the meantime, we invite you to listen to a mini episode featuring Ariana DeBose, who recently won an Oscar for her role as Anita in Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of “West Side Story.” A few months ago, Ms. DeBose read a selection of her favorite Tiny Love Stories at a Modern Love virtual event. Today, Anna Martin, host of the podcast, and Miya Lee, editor of Modern Love projects, share two of those stories, both with the themes of hope and renewal. If you wo...
2022-05-2506 minModern LoveFirst Love Mixtape, Side BWhat’s the song that taught you about love as a teen? When we asked this question at the start of the season, your anthems came pouring in. We heard from present-day teens, and we heard from listeners who have been with their partners for over 50 years. There were stories of Nat King Cole and One Direction, adrenaline rushes and loneliness, and many lessons in matters of the heart. (“Don’t let your friends choose your boyfriends,” Amy from St. Louis told us.) On our season finale, we share your songs and stories. Then, we fast-forward to an essay about the end...
2022-04-1322 minModern LoveA Couple Walks Into City HallIt’s 2022, the year of matrimania. Roughly 2.5 million weddings are expected (a bump not seen since 1984), and other trends are wildly taking off — ceremonies for pets, weddings on weekdays, a revival of epic poofy dresses.While the business of nuptials is evolving, we revisit Pauline Miller’s essay from 2017 about one tried-and-true approach: tying the knot at City Hall (a decision fueled by Pauline’s desperate need for health care). Then, our host, Anna Martin, and producer Julia Botero take to City Hall in downtown Manhattan to see it for themselves. They talk to a swirl of people getting married — from a duo...
2022-04-0617 minModern LoveRight Swipes, Big CityAlexandra Capellini has been on the dating apps for about four years. Dating is already a fraught process, but to top it off, Alexandra has to decide if, when and how she should explain that she wears a prosthetic leg. Today, we listen to Alexandra’s essay about navigating the apps — and realizing that it’s not her responsibility to “make other guys more comfortable with meeting me.” Then, our host, Anna Martin, calls up Alexandra. They commiserate over the hopelessness of swiping in New York City, and they look at each other’s dating profiles. They celebrate their selfies, admire their...
2022-03-3019 minModern LoveConfessions of a Late BloomerGarrett Schlichte was exactly twice the age of his sister. When he was 28 and his sister was 14, she would dish to him on the phone about her teenage love life. But the feelings she was experiencing — like electric attraction and aching jealousy — were unfamiliar to Garrett. When he was a queer, closeted teenager, Garrett turned to romantic comedies to grasp the emotions of a real-life relationship. While his sister could revel in her teenage crushes, he had suppressed his like a secret.In today’s episode, we listen to Garrett’s essay about missing out on the thrills and challenges of young...
2022-03-2315 minModern LoveA Mother’s Wild, Extravagant LoveGenevieve Kingston has carried a cardboard box with her throughout her life, filled with gifts for major milestones — childhood birthdays, her first period, graduation.The gifts are from her mother, who died of cancer just before Ms. Kingston’s 12th birthday. In her final days, she prepared postcards for the future and filled the box with her love.In today’s episode, we listen to Ms. Kingston’s essay about opening the packages in the box, and her reflections on what was lost — and what was found. Then, we speak to a mother and son from one of our Tiny Love Stori...
2022-03-1621 minModern LoveBeyond Girlfriend-BoyfriendThree months into the pandemic, Haili Blassingame was crafting an email to her boyfriend of five years, Malcolm, with the subject line “My Terms.” She wanted to break up. Haili had met Malcolm in college. At first she was “giddy about the cute guy with the deep voice who looked like Obama,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. But as they started dating, she found that their identities were intertwining and people were treating them differently just because they called themselves girlfriend and boyfriend.Haili longed for love but also for freedom and autonomy. Today’s episode explores Haili’s journey to...
2022-03-0916 minModern LoveWhen You Think You Know Your ParentsAriel Sabar was visiting his parents in his childhood home in California, when he awoke one morning to high-pitched giggles coming from his parents’ room. He opened the door to a Norman Rockwell-type image: his father, 70, riding his stationary bike in his pajamas; and his 6-year-old son perched on its frame, cheerleading for his grandfather.Ariel was stunned: “As a boy, I’d seen this house as a battlefield, a place where children and parents less often joshed than jousted,” he wrote in his 2009 Modern Love essay. Was his relationship with his father as turbulent as he remembered, or had he blind...
2022-03-0222 minModern LoveMarried to a Deal BreakerWhat are your dating non-negotiables? For Hyla Sabesin Finn, it was smoking — or so she thought. Hyla met Larry in college. She was 17; he was a 21-year-old law student, puffing away outside the library. Hyla had been “indoctrinated by parents whose cocktail parties were littered with ‘no smoking’ signs back when smokers still mingled freely in society,” she wrote in her 2005 Modern Love essay. In spite of this, she was smitten.Today’s episode explores how our standards can evolve (if at all) when it comes to love. Our host, Anna Martin, calls up her friends to ask about their deal breakers...
2022-02-2321 minModern LoveThe ‘Ham Sandwich’ EffectBefore Andrew Limbong went off to college, his mother cautioned him about the dire consequences he would face if he hugged a girl. Andrew grew up in a strict Christian household, and his parents are Indonesian immigrants, so they never spoke about sex at home. When Andrew was 20, he met his first girlfriend, Sam. He felt his cultural and parental influences putting “pressure on my blood vessels, not allowing the blood to go where I oh so desperately wanted it to,” he wrote in his Modern Love essay in 2011.According to Andrew’s Muslim American friend, his fears were the result...
2022-02-1619 minModern LoveFirst Love MixtapeWe’re back for a whole new season of stories. In today’s premiere, we introduce our new host, Anna Martin, who has a question for listeners: What’s the one song that taught you about love when you were a teenager? We listen to “What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love,” an essay about a young woman’s summer romance with a floppy-haired “rocker kid” and the records they would spin. Then, we hear from Times staff members about the songs they were obsessed with in their youth, and the memories — funny, empowering, nostalgic — that they carry with them.Hey, Modern Love lis...
2022-02-0925 minModern LoveLoving Across BordersAt age 11, Julissa Arce came to the United States from Mexico on a visa that expired three years later. For more than a decade, she lived as an undocumented immigrant, fearful of revealing her secret to anyone. “Every phone call or email I got from human resources would make my blood run cold,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. And when it came to love, she would lie to nearly every man she dated, fearing the threat of exposure and deportation.On today’s episode, we hear about an undocumented immigrant’s search for love — and what it taught...
2021-07-2121 min2021-07-0721 minModern LoveWhen Two Open Marriages CollideWhat are the boundaries of an open marriage? And what are the boundaries of an open marriage when your wife’s boyfriend has an accident that puts him in a coma? Do you introduce yourself to the hospital workers as the patient’s girlfriend’s husband?Wayne Scott and his wife, Elizabeth, have a “creative arrangement,” as Wayne puts it in his Modern Love essay. They share the children, the cats and the mortgage, but they have permission to see other people romantically.On today’s episode, we hear Wayne’s story about an accident that tested the par...
2021-06-3021 minModern LoveThe Right to Fail at MarriageIn 2004, the comedian Cameron Esposito sat on the steps of Boston City Hall and watched as some of the first legally married same-sex couples in the United States emerged victoriously as newlyweds. Thirteen years, three boyfriends and 10 girlfriends later, Cameron was ready to marry the woman she assumed she would be with forever. “I expected to perfectly navigate marriage like some sort of lesbian phoenix that never stops rising,” Cameron wrote in her 2019 Modern Love essay. But when she found herself alone and knocked down, failing at marriage, she developed a new understanding of the privileges she had long been figh...
2021-06-2319 minModern LoveTrapped in a Romance ScamLast spring, Michael McAllister’s inbox started filling up with messages from heartbroken women. “I thought you were the man,” one wrote. “Embarrassing, but I kinda became obsessed with ‘you,’” another said. Michael discovered that his photos were being used to catfish women on dating apps — from Germany to Brazil to Chicago.Today’s story explores a global dating scam (that’s still going on, by the way) and the pandemic-fueled loneliness of digital life. Also, we hear from two women who were duped by Michael’s impostor. One of them shares a trick for determining whether or not a dating prospect
2021-06-0222 minModern LoveMeet Cute at Zero Years OldKadine Christie’s birth story is one that has been told to her time and again. She was born in the mountain town of Spalding, Jamaica, in the presence of two women: her mother, Lorna, and a stranger, Lurline, who was going into labor in the same open ward. This is a story that feels like fiction, but is far from it. It has high stakes, unexpected connections and a surprising ending. Something astonishing — even magical — was born in that maternity ward 40 years ago. Tune in to learn why Kadine’s birth story is also her love story.Featured...
2021-05-2621 minModern LoveShe Left Me ThereKacey Vu Shap had no desire to return to the Vietnamese orphanage of his youth. As a child, whenever he told people he was adopted, he would say that he came “premade” — that he spontaneously appeared one day at the Baltimore airport, greeted by a new family bearing flowers and kisses. “It was easier to sanitize my story by speaking only of my life as Kacey, who was loved and wanted, than to tell people of my life as Vu, who was abandoned and undesired,” Kacey wrote in his Modern Love essay. Nearly 25 years later, Kacey found himself back at the orphan...
2021-05-1924 minModern Love'Why Do People Get Married?'Welcome to our season premiere. Seven years into a serious relationship, Jake Maynard got a text from his mother: “Gramma Gert: 3, Jake: 0.” This was her way of telling him that his grandmother, in her 80s, was getting married for the third time, while Jake remained unmarried and childless in his late 20s. His family found this strange. Stranger still, at least in Jake’s view, was his grandmother’s choice of partner. (You’ll have to listen to the episode.) Today, we explore how two generations of the same family — 50 years apart — grapple with identity, tangled kin and the loaded question of ma
2021-05-1225 minModern LoveThe Return of the Modern Love PodcastThe Modern Love podcast will be back for a new season on May 12, with new episodes on Wednesdays. We hope you’ll join us!
2021-05-0702 min
Modern LoveWhat the Silence SaidWhen Laura and her husband divorced after two decades of marriage, their “little Colorado mountain town” could barely tell. It was quiet compared to the dramatic natural disasters that were afflicting the area — like flooding and wildfires. There were no raised voices, no feelings of fury.So why did they split? In the lead-up to their divorce, Laura had a revelation about what good love — the kind that will “survive life” — is supposed to sound like.Featured stories:“No Sound, No Fury, No Marriage," by Laura Pritchett“Silence Is Its Own Answer," by Jennifer ByrneLaura's...
2020-12-2321 minModern Love‘Desire Is Never the Mistake’This holiday season, it’s OK to want more. Paula grew up in foster care, and year after year she would find herself “clobbered by desire” when the holidays rolled around. She longed for a mother and father to rescue her and “make everything better”; she wished for the hip-huggers and games she saw on TV.When she was 21, she met a man named Jeff who ruptured this annual cycle of desire. He became the inspiration for a hard-earned Christmas lesson.Featured stories:“The Holiday of My Dreams Was Just That,” by Paula McLain“A Sweet Reminder,” by Me...
2020-12-1626 minModern LoveWith the Help of StrangersThis episode contains descriptions of domestic violence.In 2013, Courtney Queeney published an essay about surviving domestic violence and the legal proceedings that followed. She described going to a courthouse every two weeks to renew her emergency protection order against her ex. It was during this period that she found “scattered bright spots” — things to laugh about when everything seemed unfunny. She found comfort in the woman who shared her court schedule; her lawyer, whom she revered; and the judge who made her crack up.Today, we hear about how Courtney has worked through the experience and afterm...
2020-12-0926 minModern LoveA Lifetime of Good LovingWhen Bette met her husband, he was leaning against a wall at a party. He had, as she put it, “smoldering looks and banked fires.” He was from Brooklyn; she was from the Bronx. She assumed his silent “bad boy” vibe meant “dangerous love and dramatic heartbreak.”They got married, and she realized that she’d misread his quiet demeanor: “His eyes were simply beautiful, and his silence wasn’t fierce; he just didn’t have anything to say at the moment.”After 56 years together, Bette’s husband passed away on the eve of the pandemic. Bette, now alone, shares...
2020-12-0225 minModern LoveConfronting Race on the First DateAndrew and Sarah met on a dating app. Their first date was just supposed to be coffee, but it lasted nine glorious hours. They talked nonstop across four San Francisco neighborhoods. But by 2 a.m., Sarah had an admission to make. She told Andrew, who is Asian-American, that his “race might be an issue.” Andrew was shocked. The kicker? Sarah is also Asian-American. Today, we hear both sides of this story — and find out where Sarah and Andrew are now.Featured stories: “When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching,” Andrew Lee“Manic Pixie...
2020-11-1827 minModern LoveNo More SecretsSarah and Liz met on a blind date in New York City. Sarah ordered a club soda with a splash of cranberry juice. Liz ordered wine — twice.A few weeks into dating, while taking a walk together through Chelsea Market, a feeling crystallized for Liz: “I knew in the way seasons change that I would love her before this one ended.”In order to make this work, Liz knew she could no longer hide from Sarah that she had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.But six weeks after they got married, Liz hit a wall...
2020-11-1124 minModern LoveDusty-Danger DogFeeling election stress? Today's stories about a man and his dog may help.Timothy Braun was on a run through the Texas heat. When he stopped at a local animal shelter for a drink of water, he was taken by a dog who stared at him with pointy ears and mismatched eyes — one brown, one blue. He had no intention of adopting a dog, but “out of curiosity, or God knows what” he looked into the dog’s folder. It said that he'd been abandoned by an old woman. Her reason? “Dusty keeps following me around the house.”O...
2020-11-0431 minModern LoveDevoted but DoomedIn college, Malcolm Conner penned a rambling email intended for his crush. “You have cow eyes,” he wrote. “I know that sounds like a bad thing but have you ever looked into a cow’s eyes? They are so deep and brown and beautiful.”What he hadn’t disclosed — to his crush or to anyone at school — was that he was transgender and had transitioned at age 15. But he knew he had to tell this “charismatic acquaintance,” for what they had was flirtatious and unstoppable; it was, as Malcolm put it, physics.As it turned out, his crush had someth...
2020-10-2820 minModern LoveWhen Getting Old Never HappensThey disagreed on a lot of things: She was a “bleeding-heart liberal”; he was a “conservative libertarian.” He “came from good Irish Catholic stock”; she called herself a “hopeful agnostic.”When the firefighter chased her down the street to ask her out, she pinned him as “a bald, white, middle-aged New York City cliché.”On their first date, no topic was off-limits. Not racism, not abortion, not substance abuse. With each date, another debate.Today’s episode is about the space they found in each other — and the unexpected aftermath of their breakup.Featured stories:“‘O...
2020-10-2126 min
The Waiting Warriors PodcastThe Easy Way to Develop the Skill of Self Care with Noralee"Our loved ones have been called to help others, and so they're not always there to help us. So [self care] is...giving us back our power to be able to fill our souls and get us human again." -Noralee from @MrsNavyMama Listen as Noralee and I talk about our personal experiences of learning the importance or self care and how Noralee has broken down the process so we can make an individualized, full proof plan for our own self care. You'll walk out with steps you can take today to make sure your cup stays full!
2020-05-2543 min
Spiritually Minded Women PodcastSMM 017: Life as a Military Family + Appreciating Motherhood After Infertility + Trusting God's Timing || Noralee JonesMy guest in episode 17 of the Spiritually Minded Mom podcast is Noralee Jones. Her husband is a naval officer, they have three children under the age of 4 and they just moved to a new state. She goes by Mrs. Navy Mama on social media and writes on her blog about motherhood and life as a military family. Her motherhood story includes infertility, parenting on her own while her husband is away, moving frequently and trusting in God's timing. Show Recap In this episode, Noralee shares about the six year struggle she and her husband went through to ha...
2018-08-0140 min