Shows
The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering DivorceInside the Divorce Process: From Considering to Finalized With Quinn OtreraThis is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 87: In this conversation with my dear friend Quinn, we finally do what I wish someone had done for me all those years ago. We open the black box of divorce and lay the process out in a way that is human, honest, and actually useful. Not theory, not legal jargon, but the lived reality of two women who walked very different paths through the same fire.Quinn’s journey into divorce was long and chronic, shaped by decades of...
2025-12-1630 min
The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show78: Reclaiming the Divorced Body Part 4: Embodiment as a Spiritual Practice (& Farewell)I share why I’m pausing this podcast at Episode 78 and shifting my focus toward women’s healthcare and midwifery. Then I close our Embodiment series by making “spiritual” practical: intuition in plain language, movement that feels safe, tiny rituals that actually fit real life, and a gentle seven-day plan to try right away.What I coverWhy I’m pressing pause and where you’ll still find me (Britta Jo’s Stay or Go community and her Substack; occasional guest spots)What “spiritual” means to me (no dogma, high honesty, body-based presence, and wonder)The differe...
2025-11-1238 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show77: Reclaiming the Divorced Body Part 3: Touch, Pleasure & BoundariesQuinn opens with a Halloween full-circle moment—house full of kids, step-siblings, laughter, candy—and pivots into the heart of Part 3: pleasure and boundaries as part of healing. We name common post-divorce patterns (fawn, freeze, “loneliness bargains”), ditch the shame, and use a simple order—Safety → Curiosity → Consent—before any touch (solo or partnered). You’ll learn quick downshifts, the stoplight check (Green/Yellow/Red), how to build a Yes/No/Maybe list (hello, kink jars), a gentle sensate ladder (pleasure over performance), real boundary micro-scripts, and a 7-day plan you can actuall...
2025-11-0541 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show76: Reclaiming the Divorced Body Part 2: Training Your Body to Feel Safe AgainQuinn unpacks how the nervous system asks one question all day—Am I safe?—and why fight/flight/freeze/fawn are wise survival patterns (not personal failures). You’ll learn fast, gentle regulation tools (physiological sigh, orienting, butterfly hug, vagal “voo”/humming), see them in action via pop-culture and literature examples, and leave with a 7-day plan to widen your window of tolerance. The aim: move from bracing for impact to breathing easier—then building a calmer, safer life you actually enjoy living in.What You’ll LearnEmbodiment = biology: Your body is a home to b...
2025-10-2940 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show75: Reclaiming the Divorced Body Part 1: Why You Feel Numb — and How to Come Back to LifeQuinn kicks off a month-long series on embodiment—the practice of living in your body with safety, honesty, and aliveness—especially after divorce. We explore why so many of us disconnect (hello, codependency, fawn, freeze, dissociation), why that was smart survival, and how to start coming home to yourself with gentle, doable steps. This is about belonging to you—not performing for anyone else.What You’ll LearnEmbodiment 101: It’s awareness and presence—treating your body as your home, not a problem to fix.Why we disconnect: Trauma responses (fawn/freeze/flight), cul...
2025-10-2231 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show74: The Power of Connection: How Community Heals What Divorce BreaksQuinn and Britta Jo sit down after Britta’s first Stay or Go retreat to explore what women are truly craving—real connection.From Brené Brown’s words—“we are neurobiologically hardwired for connection”—to stories of women finding sisterhood in the messy middle of divorce, this conversation dives into what happens when women finally stop trying to “do it all alone.”Together, they unpack:Why the absence of connection always leads to suffering—and what that really means.How patriarchal and capitalist systems have broken women’s bonds with one another—and how we’re rebuilding...
2025-10-151h 38The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show73: The Messy Middle: Building Your Action PotentialIn this raw and electric episode, Quinn cracks open what it really means to live in the messy middle — that in-between season where you’ve left the old life but haven’t yet stepped fully into the new.You’ve filed the papers, moved out, maybe even bought new sheets… but somehow, you still feel stuck. This week, Quinn pulls together science, soul, and straight talk to show you that you’re not broken — you’re charging.💥 In this episode:Why the middle feels like both everything and nothing is happeningThe action potential of the ne...
2025-10-0818 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show72: It's a Myth: What Sapiens Teaches Us About DivorceIn this episode, Quinn cracks open Yuval Noah Harari’s Sapiens and shows how its central idea—that humans rule the world because we can create and share stories—directly applies to divorce.Marriage? A story. Divorce-as-failure? A story. Myths about women’s value, motherhood, and happiness? Stories.Quinn weaves history, Harari’s insights, and her own lived experience to reveal how deeply we’ve been shaped by cultural fictions—and how liberating it is to see them for what they are. Divorce doesn’t make you broken; it’s your personal Cognitive Revolution, your chance to rewrite...
2025-10-0125 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show71: The Secret Senses That Guide You ForwardIn this week’s episode, I dive into An Immense World by Ed Yong and what it teaches us about life after divorce. Aristotle may have told us we only have five senses (he was wrong about that and about women), but neuroscience shows we actually have 20+ ways of perceiving the world.And here’s the magic: divorce is like being dropped into a brand-new sensory universe. The signals you relied on in marriage don’t apply anymore—you get to recalibrate, upregulate, and expand your perception of life.We’ll talk about: ✨ The hidden senses...
2025-09-2425 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show70: When Your Child Cuts You Off: Boundaries, Grief, and Clean ApologiesQuinn gets real about estrangement: when a child requests no contact, how do you keep loving without self-erasure? In this intimate conversation, Quinn shares their experience with an adult son who cut contact in November 2023, the grief of “losing someone who’s still alive,” and the radical shift from controlling outcomes to controlling self: nervous system care, boundaries, honest self-inventory, and clean apologies grounded in Pete Walker’s framework.Key takeawaysTwo truths can coexist: “I can love you and block you.” Boundaries are love when they protect everyone’s nervous systems.Control the...
2025-09-1733 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show69: Glowing Up When the World Is On FireQuinn opens with a personal update on last week’s co-parenting conversation with Britta and why the extended chat now lives on Britta’s Substack. From there, Quinn digs into a hard question: How do we ethically glow up when Gaza, Sudan, Ukraine, ICE raids, creeping fascism, and inflation are part of daily life?Her answer: a glow-up ≠ vanity. It’s alignment. It’s choosing where to invest (time, money, energy) and where to divest (relationships, brands, beliefs, guilt) so your life becomes a living declaration of your values. Quinn shares practical examples—from food re...
2025-09-1028 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show68: The Agony of 50/50 Custody (And What Helps) - Convo w/Britta JoQuinn and Britta dive into one of the most gut-wrenching challenges women face when considering or navigating divorce: the “agony” of 50/50 custody.How do you cope with the heartbreak of being away from your kids—even if your co-parent is safe and trustworthy? And what if you’re the one who has always been the anchor parent, the one who knows the bedtime routine, the favorite snacks, the little cues no one else sees?💔 In this episode, we talk about:The grief and fear of losing time with your childrenThe cultural and biological narratives that feed “...
2025-09-031h 35The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show67: The Divorce Glow-Up Is Just a SkillsetWhat if the things you think you’re “bad at” aren’t flaws, but simply skills you haven’t practiced yet?This week’s episode is about stripping away the shame and drama around struggle and seeing it for what it is: a skill you can learn.I share a moment with my health coach that completely shifted my perspective—when she told me that eating three meals a day instead of snacking was “just a skill.” Those three little words took the heaviness out of the struggle and opened the door to an entire framewor...
2025-08-2730 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show66: Divorced, Not Defined: Writing Your Next ChapterToo many women wear divorce like a scarlet letter — a permanent label that defines their worth, parenting, relationships, and future. In this episode, Quinn shares how she refuses to let divorce define her life and instead uses it as fuel to expand into new possibilities, like going back to school and building a bigger, bolder life than ever before.We’ll explore:Why “divorced” is not your permanent identity — and why you don’t owe anyone that box on a form.How divorce can make you a better parent, not a worse one.The surprising way divorce elev...
2025-08-2026 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show65: Dropping the Armor: Trusting Strangers & Maybe My ExThis week’s episode is a love letter to one of the riskiest, most liberating beliefs I’ve ever adopted: It is safe to rely on the generosity and honesty of strangers.I’m sharing the story of how buying a quirky little car on eBay completely rewired how I move through life as a divorced woman, single parent, and human navigating the daily grind.We’ll talk about:How divorce and betrayal shrink your “trust radius”Why suspicion feels safe but is actually a prisonWhat Diana Chapman’s world as an ally philoso...
2025-08-1323 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show64: Back to School After Divorce? Hell Yes, You Can.Divorce may be the end of a marriage, but it’s not the end of your becoming. In this episode, Quinn gets personal and powerful about what it’s like to go back to school in your 50s, what it means to reinvent your career and identity post-divorce, and why the idea that you’re “too old” or “too late” is a damn lie.From brain science to time management, from limiting beliefs to midlife clarity—this episode is a love letter to every woman who’s felt the spark to try something new but shut herself down with fear or...
2025-08-0626 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show63: Your Brain Is Lying to You (and That’s Great News)We’re diving into the real reason you feel stuck—and it’s not your ex, your job, or your dating life. It’s the story your brain is telling you on repeat.Quinn shares a deeply personal moment with her ex-husband that triggered a cascade of thoughts… and how she used it as a powerful teaching moment. You'll learn how your brain is wired to protect you—not empower you—and what to do about it.This episode will show you how to:Tell the difference between facts and the story your brain is spinningRec...
2025-07-3029 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show62:The Unconscious Pattern That Keeps You From Healing & How to Stop ItHave you ever caught yourself thinking: “I’ll finally be okay when he apologizes.” “I’ll feel whole when I meet the right person.” “I just need closure…”That, my friend, is what we call a healing fantasy—and this week’s episode is all about busting that myth wide open.In this raw and revealing solo episode, Quinn explores the healing fantasy trap so many of us fall into post-divorce. Through personal stories, client breakthroughs, and the wisdom of thought leaders like Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, and Brené Brown
2025-07-2330 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show61: Heterosexual History pt.2: Reclaiming Desire, Rage & Truth“Straight people, are you okay?” In part two of our electric conversation about The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward, Britta and Quinn leave behind history class and drop into the raw, personal reality of living inside a system not built for emotional or erotic fulfillment—especially for women.💔 We go there:What it feels like to be in a marriage that deadens desire and gaslights your truthThe silent epidemic of women waking up every day thinking, “I wish I was dead”Sex as performance vs. sex as presence—and how to tell the dif...
2025-07-161h 45
The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce"The Cost of the Lie": Why You Feel Numb, Lonely, and Like You’re Too Much in This System With Quinn Otrera - Part 2Episode 66: This episode is raw, real, and liberating. Quinn and I dive deep into the second part of Jane Ward’s The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, unpacking what it means to live inside a system that was never built for our wholeness.We explore the emotional and erotic numbness so many women feel in straight relationships—and how it’s not your fault. We talk about internalized misogyny, performative sex, the quiet tragedy of disconnection, and the deep grief (and power) in waking up 💥.But this isn’t about blame—it’s about the system. We name the ways p...
2025-07-151h 45The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show60: Heterosexual History 101: Why It’s Been a Hot Mess (with Britta Jo)In this spicy, eye-opening episode, Quinn and Britta take a wild ride through the history and heartbreak of heterosexuality—inspired by Jane Ward’s brilliant book, The Tragedy of Heterosexuality.They explore:🕰️ The surprising history of how romantic heterosexual love was never the default—and how the invention of modern marriage was more about control than connection.🧠 The role of patriarchy and capitalism in shaping straight relationships into something that often feels unsatisfying, especially for women.💔 Why straight women often feel unseen, overworked, and under-loved—and why this isn’t a personal fa...
2025-07-091h 49
The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce“What You Were Promised” — The History and Hidden Design of Straight Marriage With Quinn Otrera - Part 1Episode 65: This week’s episode is a massive eye-opener, y’all. 🤯 Quinn and I dive deep into The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward, and let me just say—holy 💩, our minds were blown. We unpack the historical roots of heterosexual marriage and how it was never designed with women’s joy, freedom, or wellbeing in mind. From patriarchy and white supremacy to eugenics and post-WWII propaganda, we trace how systems were built to serve capitalism—not connection—and how they continue to shape modern relationships, sex, and gender roles. 😤💔We expose the heterosexual “repair industry”—a self-help movem...
2025-07-081h 48The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show59: Practicing Calm: Building Emotional Muscle Memory Post-DivorceIt’s not magic. It’s muscle memory. Quinn returns this week with a powerful message: your glow-up isn’t built in the moments of clarity—it’s built in the reps. Drawing from personal stories (including cult recovery, parenting nine kids, and coaching women post-divorce), they share how practicing calm, boundaries, and new emotional habits is the key to becoming who you really want to be.In this episode:The science + stoicism behind “we don’t rise to our expectations, we fall to our training”What Beyoncé, Serena Williams, and your post-divorce life have in comm...
2025-07-0229 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show58: I Choose Me: Divorce Rings, Rituals & RebirthIt’s not about retail therapy—it’s about reclaiming your identity. In this deeply empowering episode, Quinn explores the growing trend of divorce rings and other symbolic rituals women are using to mark their rebirth after divorce.We talk about:💍 What a divorce ring is (and isn’t) 🔥 How Beyoncé, Serena Williams, and Adele used symbols to step into power 🌀 Quinn’s personal ritual under the moon and how to find your anchor in chaos 🖋 Why name changes, tattoos, playlists, and even art preferences matter 🧠 How symbols help your brain heal and move for...
2025-06-2525 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show57: You Asked If Life Gets Better After Divorce—Here’s the TruthQuinn opens up about what life really looks like on the other side of divorce—from the deepest grief to the unexpected gifts. After leaving both a long-term marriage and a high-control religion, Quinn shares how the dismantling of everything familiar gave rise to a life of freedom, integrity, joy, and truth.She doesn't sugarcoat the hard stuff: loneliness, identity loss, financial stress, and fractured relationships. But she also shares the radiant rewards—reclaiming selfhood, sexual liberation, parenting with compassion, and the beauty of building a life that fits like your favorite pair of jeans.Whet...
2025-06-1834 min
The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering DivorceContinuing the Conversation: What Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown Brought Up With Guest Quinn OtreraEpisode 59: Wow y’all… this one is a wild ride. After the energy of being on Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown, Quinn and I just had to circle back. You know those moments when you’re like, “Wait! I wasn’t done!”—yeah, this episode is all that and more. 😅✨We’re diving into the real talk that didn’t get airtime—reading through your 🔥comments, confronting trolls 🧌, and expanding the convo on divorce, identity, and the emotional minefield that women walk when considering leaving a marriage. We talk about the empathetic Achilles heel that keeps so many women stuck, t...
2025-05-271h 49The Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show56: When You Don’t Know What’s Next, Ask ThisThis episode is a love letter to all of us standing at the edge of the unknown.With the school year ending and the summer holding more questions than answers, I share from my own life the real, raw process of navigating uncertainty post-divorce. From ex-husband drama to nursing school limbo, from ICE raid trainings to food rescue volunteering, I talk about the tools I’m using to show up on purpose, no matter what chaos is swirling.You’ll hear:The core question that’s guiding me right now: “Who do I want to be no...
2025-05-2122 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show55: Doing Nothing IS a DecisionIn this episode, Quinn celebrates the end of a school year and reflects on the growth that comes from choosing courage over comfort. They dive deep into what it really costs us—emotionally, spiritually, and practically—when we don’t take action toward the lives we say we want.Drawing on Tony Robbins’ powerful Dickens Process, Jocko Willink’s concept of Extreme Ownership, and the heroine’s journey framework, this episode is your wake-up call to do the hard thing. Whether it’s leaving your house, setting a boundary, calling the therapist, or...
2025-05-1423 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show54: Listener Q & A: The Myth of “Over It” and the Truth About HealingQuinn answers real questions from listeners navigating the post-divorce terrain. From heavy sadness two years out, to rebuilding identity, holding space for your children's pain, and the haunting question, "What if this is it?", Quinn offers bold reframes, warm encouragement, and practical wisdom. They explore why blame feels safe, how to excavate your own desires, and why choosing yourself is the most radical and rewarding act of all. With stories, quotes, and a dose of truth-telling, this episode reminds divorced women that their best life isn’t just possible—it’s unfolding now.What You'll Learn:...
2025-05-0728 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show53: How to SPEAK Up: A Post-Divorce Power MoveWe open the door to one of the most courageous and uncomfortable topics in the glow-up journey: standing up for yourself. From setting legal boundaries to confronting entitlement, Quinn introduces a bold framework to help women move from silence to strength.🧨 Highlights include:A hair transformation and what it sparked internallyThe SPEAK framework for setting and keeping boundariesReal-life stories from clients (and Quinn’s own life) who took courageous actionThe emotional cost of silence vs. the power of self-respectWhy self-betrayal is a form of harm we can stopSPEAK FrameworkS
2025-04-3032 minThe Post-Divorce Glow-Up Show52: Tired of Being Strong? This Is for YouIn this fiercely tender episode, Quinn explores sisu—a powerful Finnish word that describes the inner grit that rises when there’s nothing left to give but you keep showing up anyway. Drawing from their own ancestral roots, Quinn reclaims the kind of strength that isn’t about pushing harder, but about remembering who you are when the world goes quiet.This is not about hustle. This is about sacred perseverance. This is not girlboss strength. This is sisu.Through stories, reflection, and a closing guided meditation, Quinn offers practical and soulful ways to reconne...
2025-04-2328 min