Shows
PixelsHow to Unlock Imagination in Your Photography with Wendy BagnallWe have a million ways to plan out every aspect of our photography time, but my guest today invites us to leave room for the unexpected and in doing so, to be open to what pulls at our eyes and hearts.Wendy Bagnall is a photographic artist who lives in England. The natural landscape is the inspiration behind her work, which is an interpretation of what she sees. Wendy’s approach is unrestrictive and often with an abstract quality, augmenting the light, texture and topography of the landscape, creating pieces that aim to evoke an emotional co...2025-01-111h 07
With AlohaA period of deep reposeI left my job at the end of June, after an intense year leading the content department of a start-up. I didn’t trade it in for another one; I’m not jumping into something new. I’m taking a summer vacation.The first two weeks into my break, assuaged my fears that: 1.) my day would go off the rails without any external tracks determining my direction, and 2.) the gaping space that 8-10 hours of work once filled would leave a hollowness, a painful dry socket, and ennui would quickly set in. So far, I’ve had enough t...2023-07-1808 min
With AlohaI pretend I don’t live in Hawai’i...I do live in Hawai’i, but I’ve been pretending I don’t.And I’ve gotten so good at this deception over the course of the last year, I almost started to believe it myself.Here’s how: Every weekday morning, I wake up, shower, get dressed, make some coffee for Kevin and tea for myself, take a fistful of vitamins, eat a piece of fruit, and head into a dark room with a desk and a monitor where, for eight to ten hours, I stare into a black hole that occasionally lights up with mo...2023-05-2308 min
With AlohaFeralThere’s a cat asleep at the foot of my bed, his wheezy snores barely perceptible above the whirr of the dishwasher and the nighttime chorus of coqui frogs.I was a self-professed cat despiser for most of my adult life. I thought they were jerks, what with their seeming disregard for others and their emotional aloofness (plus they made me sneeze). But when we moved to Hawaii, we got two feral “working” cats to keep the rat population down (this is the jungle, and there’s a perfect order to things that seems obvious once you pay atte...2023-04-1805 min
With Aloha“It’s clothing-optional,” she says…as we pull to the side of the road between a long line of cars that have done the same.I’ve lived here for two-and-a-half years and this is my first time to Kahena, one of the few real beaches on this side of the island that also happens to be a nude beach. I nod and coolly ask Ava, “What do you usually do?”“I usually don’t wear a suit — but there are plenty of people who do,” she says, reassuringly. The people she’s referring to are mostly tourists who stick out in...2023-02-2107 min
With AlohaThe PlungeI stand on a deck, barefoot in a bathing suit, second in a long line of people who are gathered on a warm Hawaiian night for a cold plunge. I moved to a place where it’s perennially summer for a reason: I hate the cold. What am I doing here? I went to college in Ithaca, which rests in the Snowbelt of upstate New York. Being from Pennsylvania, I thought I knew what cold was — until my first winter there. A short walk across campus from my dorm to a lecture hall in c...2023-01-2410 min
With AlohaThe Mystery of OlyphantThe Mystery of OlyphantThere’s a place near my hometown of Scranton, PA whose name I know but, having had no occasion to go there, I don’t know much about.On the way to my brother Jonathan’s wedding last month, it struck me as we drove through it at night. I can’t say exactly what it was — the zigzag of its few-block downtown? The two little bars lit with the energy of a Friday night in a small town? Something else entirely unseen but acutely felt?When I mention to my youn...2022-10-1213 min
With AlohaI don’t know what he looks like, the man...Is he a tall and bulky stocking-faced shadow like the cartoon villains? Does he have a face and a name and a family? I wonder what my grandmother saw when she closed her eyes and heard the sound that would tip her off that “the man” was breaking in. I wonder what that lightning bolt urge to protect her nine babies felt like. That spark of mental connection and instinct that shot her out from under a crocheted comforter and into the dark hallway where she would summon her brood to her bedroom, the boys armed with base...2022-08-0206 min
With AlohaI have buried five bodies on my property so far...Five tiny, feeble flightless birds whose names I failed to learn. When I find them, they look like they’re sleeping, eyes closed sweetly, collapsed into a dream on a patch of grass like a blanket.But I know they’re not sleeping.It’s the small feather attached to my cat’s lower lip, quaking in the breeze like a spirit desperately trying to escape its certain fate. It’s the blood droplets leading up to the bird, or the way its neck moves disjointedly when I slide the lip of a shovel beneath it, like a...2022-07-0504 min
With AlohaBoars gone wild...I was putting on the hot water for tea, my brain still groggy with the tattered remnants of a dream about to dissipate, when Kev came in and said we caught a pig. He was out the door in a camo jacket and work pants and boots before I could understand what was happening.Wild boars have been tearing up our property for two slow years. We used to replace the sod and stomp it down after daylight revealed the last night’s rampage, covering exposed tree roots and allowing the scar to heal with time. Then th...2022-05-1006 min
With AlohaI am not nice...Thoughtful or sweet? Sure. Acquiescent and at times even ingratiating — yes. But not nice. I can think of a dozen other ways I would describe myself before using the word “nice:” observant, creative, persistent, generous, grounded, optimistic, intuitive, fair-minded, understanding, gracious, passionate, magnanimous... not nice.And of course, that’s only half of it — one side of the page, if I were making a list (which now I suppose I am) — that “nice” would fall on. The other side contains the likes of impulsive, impatient, self-sacrificing, people-pleasing, perfectionistic, antisocial, childish, indecisive, overly sensitive, resentful, and passive-aggressive.But you wouldn...2022-03-1504 min
With AlohaI have been waiting for this day for months...Three past the one in which my license lapsed … the license I was meant to transfer from California to Hawai’i within 60 days of moving here. But within those 60 days, a pandemic happened. And things like licensing seemed to fall to the wayside in terms of importance, and eventually it was altogether prohibited — unless you were within 30 days of expiry (which I wasn’t — until I was).So I waited, as one does when one has no other choice. Except that I waited too long (OK, I forgot), and before I knew (but thankfully before I flew), the dreadfu...2022-01-2505 min
With AlohaWhen's the last time you were in a coal mine?If you’re from northeastern Pennsylvania like me, you’ve taken at least two school field trips to the coal mines and perhaps went again as an adult with kids — yours or others — or you played tour guide for a boyfriend or college friend who’d come to visit.If you’re the rest of the US population, unless you’ve been that boyfriend or friend visiting someone from NEPA, your answer is likely: never. And I'd go one step farther to bet that unless you're a mall Santa cracking jokes at little kids' expenses, coal hasn’t even crossed y...2021-12-1407 min
With AlohaThis will be the last edition of my *weekly* newsletter...This started as an experiment, to create something that would allow you to feel, make you think, coax a chuckle, or release a sigh. I assigned myself the duty of pushing back the walls of “should have done” and “should be doing” to create a tiny space of present moment being for you. For 30 weeks straight, I’ve written, edited, recorded, scored, assembled, and produced this newsletter. I’ve spent four to six hours each week for the last seven months pushing against the boundaries of my comfort zone, exploring new directions and depths, and challenging myself to consisten...2021-11-0205 min
With AlohaHalloween, 1993...Assignment: Write a report on a historical figure, event, or invention, then come to the school Halloween parade dressed like that.My best friend chose Florence Nightingale, the legendary nurse, and a reasonable choice for a ten-year-old girl in Catholic school. I could have picked Betsy Ross or Amelia Earhart or even the Boston Tea Party.But no. I chose TNT, dynamite.Perhaps I thought it would be easier to write about an invention than a person: more straightforward facts, fewer layers to uncover. How could one distill someone's life into a fifth-grade...2021-10-2603 min
With AlohaI'm not going to write today...But first…(because we both know you don’t always read the P.S.)1.) I’m having a party for my book! Join me (& the legendary Alison Crosthwait) this Sunday, 10/24, at 1pm HST/4pm PDT/7pm EDT. There will be talking and music (and more talking and more music) and even some… oh, you’ll just have to come to find out! I promise you’ll walk away with more than you came with and also a lot less. RSVP here and I’ll send you the Zoom link.2.) I’ll be on an...2021-10-1906 min
With AlohaRight now, lava is flowing...We’re told it’s “contained,” but what does that mean? It's erupting respectfully, mindfully, people-pleasingly?No. This is not how nature works.I wonder how long she can hold back before giving herself over to her sacral urge and creating from her native place of power. It’s only a matter of time, I think.The last notable flow was in ’18; before that, ’83 — the year I was born. A seismic shift every 35 years or so, when something lurches from her soul and shoots up to the surface, shouting to the heavens, “I’M HERE! I’m ALIVE! I...2021-10-1200 min
With AlohaWhen I awoke, the sky was awash in pink...UPDATE: The book release has been rescheduled to Sunday, October 24th at 1pm HST (4pm PDT/7pm EDT). And I’m excited to announce my dear friend (and artist, guide, and remarkable human) Alison Crosthwait will be hosting the event! We’re co-creating something really special for you all. Please come and receive! If you haven’t yet, you can RSVP here. I’ll send out a more detailed invite in the coming weeks. (OK… now back to your regularly scheduled programming.)Like the whites in a faded vintage photograph. I gasped and...2021-10-0501 min
With AlohaI take a sip and split into four versions of myself...Age 7, Nana & Papa's. A cacophony of voices coming from the dining room: an uncle doing impressions, then a crescendo of laughter. Thick burgundy glass goblets and lipstick-marked teacups strewn about the crumb-covered, gravy-dotted tablecloth. The labored whir of an overworked dishwasher and the hushed whispers of generations of women stationed in the kitchen. Efficiently stacking, washing, drying, and putting away the dishes from the dinner for 30 like they're packing doughnuts off the line for a fundraiser. Mounds of crumpled wrapping paper spilling out of slouched black garbage bags. Ornaments sliding off the soft-needled branches of a...2021-09-2807 min
With AlohaIf you trace the breadcrumb of a memory...Where will it lead? Somehow, always back to the present.I sit watching the smoke from my essential oil diffuser drift in front of the window and then blow back towards my face in swirling whisps. The vapor strands pull on the threads of a memory.Seventeen, working at Concession Stand 6 in the baseball stadium of the minor league team in my hometown. In the backroom of the stand, which was just the cinderblock-walled negative space behind and beneath the bleachers. Twirling paper cones along the sides of a metal vat blowing hot air across...2021-09-2105 min
With Aloha"Gregory," the text starts...I'm about to reply with a courtesy "wrong number" when the next text comes in: "Gregory, don't forget to claim your big reward!" Spam texting. Well, that's new.Over just a few days, Gregory has won a new iPad, a cruise, a one-night stay (just one night?!) at a Sheraton hotel, and a mysterious "big reward."I'm not prone to FOMO and rarely covet others' material possessions. Still, by the time the third text appears, I feel like, "Man, some guys have all the luck. Who is this Gregory, and does he even k...2021-09-0701 min
With AlohaWhat if...Our universe is someone’s cup of pour-over morning coffee? Our planet one air bubble of many, the galaxy a swirl of brown foam, the stars moist grounds that catch the fluorescent kitchen light. The percolated drips sucked into the black hole of the carafe below, each pour of hot water reconfiguring the stars and the planets. Sugar cubes extinguishing Things That Came Before Us. Cream spiraling to form bands of the unexplainable, to which we give names like the Milky Way. Grains floating to the edges, sticking to the sides for fear the saturated filter will co...2021-08-3102 min
With AlohaHere's one off the cuff...I know most of you read rather than listen to these. But this week, there are no words to read because I didn’t have anything prepared. I didn’t write anything new, and by the time I sat down to, I didn’t have time to write, edit, and record.Instead, I closed my eyes and spoke into the microphone. I felt like I was telling you a long-distance secret, sharing a memory that’s buried so deep its presence is unknown to me until the moment it’s leaving my lips. It’s the kind of...2021-08-2406 min
With AlohaI think we can all agree...2020 was a storm of a year. In my personal life, though, the first 10 months were in overwhelming contrast to the external world: I moved to Hawaii, got married, bought a house, and got pregnant. It was exciting and a lot of change all at once, and it required adjustment and some grit, but I like change and have grit.Those first 10 months were what I now realize to be the eye of the storm because, in November, my world started to unravel as quickly as it came together. And in December, it altogether shattered when I had...2021-08-1704 min
With AlohaThe parts of you that are fading...Are like dry skin cells sloughing off in the shower. Something you once carried, the tiny particles of who you were but are no longer racing towards the sucking swirl of the drain.Let them go.They served you then, but you are stepping into now… and now… and now. They can’t keep up, just like the scattered leaves left behind by the wind of a fast car around a tight bend to somewhere better.You are better today than you were yesterday, and your body is preparing you for tomorrow if only y...2021-08-1002 min
With AlohaThe fly and the flower bud...A tiny fly just walked across my table to a teeny fallen flower bud. As he approached it, I marveled at how similar the two looked. Same size, dark and compact. One animated, the other contracted and lifeless. Then I marveled again when the fly lifted a wee arm to shake the bud awake. It did not wake. So he climbed up onto it as if crawling into bed with a loved one upon realizing they had passed.I don’t know what the fly was thinking. Did he mistake it for one of his ow...2021-08-0303 min
With AlohaI exist in a constant serenade...While I am waist-deep in the ocean of my dreams, the birds are practicing their musical scales, warming up their vocals. By the time I’m wading into a new day, they’re in full chorus — and they have stamina; they continue throughout the day. Some hours are more polyphonic than others but their singing is constant.When the sun begins its steady dip beneath our eye line, the birds clock out as the coqui frogs punch their time cards, dutifully posting up for the night shift. They sing in a different key but are just as consta...2021-07-2707 min
With AlohaSongs from friends...Click the play button above to hear me read this.(And for the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)I'm sitting at a desk left behind by a National Geographic photographer whose wife left him behind. I'm trying to apply to my writing the same elbow-grease discipline I used in my previous career. It isn't working. Trees are quaking in the hot air balloon rising-heat of summer, just beyond the line of sight of my computer screen, when an email from a friend appears, with a link to a song...2021-07-2003 min
With AlohaAt night I practice dissolving...Click the play button above to hear me read this.(And for the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)The process feels how a time-lapse video of a decaying log looks. Like sugar melting into hot water or a patch of sand swallowed by the hungry tide. When I was first learning how to do this, my body fought it. It would jump me awake into a startled state, like when you're falling asleep in class. The fear would swell — I'm dying! — and then subside — you're surrendering. I practiced trusting the let go...2021-07-0605 min
With AlohaThe disappearance of 25k...Click the play button above to hear me read this.(And for the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)I open my computer and log into the site I logged into every day for 80 days in a row from January to April. The site is called Akimbo, and I signed up for their 100-day program called the Creatives Workshop while I was on medical leave this year. After about a month, the novelty of laying on the couch curled up in a ball had worn off. I needed something to d...2021-06-2908 min
With AlohaI'm standing at the edge of the rest of the world...Click the play button above to hear me read this.(And for the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)Leaning over the Cliffs of Moher like a flying squirrel mid-glide. A hood pulled tight around my head, eyes watering from currents as strong as my desire to ride them. Leaning into the wind — not backing away from it — tempting the gusts holding my body against gravity with my 20-year-old life.I remember French-braiding my hair that morning, eating blood sausage and scrambled eggs for breakfast at the only lodging with an ope...2021-06-2202 min
With AlohaI am the kind of tired...Click the play button above to hear me read this. (And for the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)That only the sun can make you feel after too much of it. A carmine color traces my shoulders and my back, the negative space taking the shape of a sports bra. I painted my catchment tank today. Well, I hand-scrubbed and then hosed down and then primed (with two coats) my catchment tank. Kev helped, then he had work calls, so I finished the first coat and did the second...2021-06-1500 min
With AlohaImagine a rowboat...Click the play button above to hear me read this. (For the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.)It’s small in size but sturdy. Well-built enough to withstand the tides and ages, one in the same.It’s rocked by a gentle but unrelenting current, bumping against the legs of the dock to which it’s tethered. The sound is pleasant, calming. It doesn’t hurt the boat.It has two oars, oak. Polished but worn, meant to last. It has two small seats, no life vests underneath. None needed.2021-06-0103 min
With AlohaCoconuts vs. clamshells...Click the play button above to listen to me read this. (For the full experience, put in headphones and close your eyes.) I’m chomping on the residual grit of raw coconut meat like gum while I wait on hold with the company that manages my 401k. I left my job with no other options on tap, and I’m trying to sort out some finance stuff. I’m trying to be responsible.But I’m not thinking about my future or even my past as they drudge up active and old accounts attached to my socia...2021-05-2500 min
With AlohaThere's a tree stood naked...The Hong Kong orchid tree in my front yard blooms magenta flowers the size of fists with leaves that look like lily pads. Its sweet nectar fragrance wafts across the yard and catches me.When I'm walking back from feeding the cats, head down and caught in a maze of must-dos. When I step out into a moonless night to see the stars shine like Christmas lights left up past the new year. When I'm auto-piloting on the back-and-forth track to the laundry room. Whatever I'm doing, its scent catches me like a car interrupting...2021-05-1803 min
With AlohaIt's zephyr weather here...The wind animates, blowing the tops of trees like drunken heads. Swaying together to a song that reminds them of their high school days. Unsteady and accidentally rhythmic.The wind animates, shivering the full length of tall blades of grass. Like the hairs on my forearms that extend themselves atop goosebump mountains. White-blond flags of surrender.The wind animates, swirling the chimes on my lanai that speak for the breeze. Like an interpreter hired to make some foreign tongue beautiful. To give it voice in the familiar shimmers and clanks of one’s home....2021-05-1103 min
With AlohaWhen I heard it....Reminder: You can click the play button above (and put in headphones and close your eyes) to get the full experience. Give yourself a break. Allow me, dear one. I was wiping off my yoga mat when I heard it. A delayed sound. A glitch. It barely would be detectable if I were in a hurry or not one to notice details. I fit neither of those descriptions. I don't need an algorithm monitoring my speech to tell me that "Look!" and "Wow!" are two of my most-used phrases. Both are usually accompanied by a...2021-05-0402 min
With AlohaToday we go adventuring...(Click the play button above — put in headphones and close eyes — to get the full experience)My brother and sister are here. After 16 hours on three different planes, across the whole of America that separates us. Across the ocean that symbolically and otherwise separates Hawai'i from the rest of the country. After a two hour trek across the island that I now call home. All to be here, to stand in the same space together.The least I can do is give them an adventure.We'll drive north and up and up and up c...2021-04-2703 min
With AlohaI've been thinking about ghosts lately...(Click the play button above — put in headphones and close eyes — to get the full experience)Not in the form of imaginary beings that haunt, but the hungry ones Buddhists say are cursed with an appetite that can't be sated.The ones with mouths the size of pinheads and stomachs as vast as mountain ranges. Animalistic in their fervor to feed themselves. Exhausting themselves with their endless eating.Theirs is desire unchecked, the drive to obtain. Más, más, más they say with each bite. This is suffering.I have le...2021-04-2004 min
With AlohaThis is the time of night...(Click the play button above — put in headphones and close eyes — to get the full experience)I find myself drifting in a vessel to other worlds. Suspended between worn cotton sheets and the thin veil of consciousness. On a hybrid mattress with enough fluff to feel dreamy and enough memory foam to trace my shape without feeling like a bag of sand.This bed will be paid off in 5 years. I bought it within the same month I bought a house and a car. It was expensive for a bed, but the cheapest of the thre...2021-04-1304 min