Shows
Emotional PhysicsHelp I Have A Huge Crush On My Friend!In this week's episode we discuss the universally human and hurts-so-good phenomenon of pining after someone who is already our friend. We have gotten several different questions on this topic and WE GET IT being serial-friend-crushers ourselves. We do our best to get to all of it in this episode including:1. Should I tell my friend I have a crush on them? If so, how? Is it bad not to tell them?2. Is there a way to tell if my friend is also crushing on me?3. Why do I keep getting crushes on my f...2025-05-0840 minEmotional PhysicsWhy romance can make us all a bit harebrained and how to let it in without wrecking your lifeIn this episode we answer a listener question from someone who finds themselves avoiding their romantic longings out of fear that love might, once again, wreck the many awesome things going on in their independent life. We talk about the neurobiology of how and why a big romantic spark can make humans feel both so disoriented and so vulnerable. Gillian brings out the super shrinky psychoanalytic theory to identify how new relationship energy can even dissolve people into a regressed infantile state at times, causing us to misperceive any old hottie as some idealized partner/caregiver who is perfectly a...2025-05-0139 minEmotional PhysicsYou Can't Say That About My Mom: Why in-law conversations so often go south and what to do insteadIn this episode Gillian and Tink answer a listener question about discussing within a partnership things about each others' family patterns that we don't want to repeat in our present-day dynamic. Risky business, folks! We considered:Why the childhood survival brain makes people so reactive to criticism of their parents How to "go first" acknowledging the challenges of your own family of origin before offering feedback on your partners' parentsTaking a balanced look together at the gifts and drawbacks of the dynamics of each partner's family and cross-referencing these against shared values and intentions for the futureWhy we hav...2025-04-2442 minEmotional PhysicsWhen Is It Time To Leave a Relationship?Today Tink and Gillian answer a listener question about how to determine when a relationship needs to end? How do we figure this out for ourselves? And when would we how would we ever reflect to close friends if we have a sense that their relationship might need to end? As always we start with some tangential tales, this time including parrots and dolphins, but we swing right around to foundational ideas like:1. The telltale signs of "Wrong Life Syndrome" 2. The personal factors as far as wellness, values, and what you want a given relationship to "...2025-04-1740 minEmotional PhysicsCommitment Beyond The Norm: Without the assumptions of a heteronormative relationship escalator, how can we figure out where to go next in our partnerships?In today's episode Gillian and Rebekah respond to a listener question on navigating casual sex, situationships, and considering deeper commitment outside the standard box of the heteronormative expectation and timeline. We discuss pontoon boats, the plural of moose, and the attachment styles of ghosts. Even still, we arrive at some ideas for how you can deeply inquire of yourself what you truly want and need, taking into account your current capacity, desire, and sense of easefulness and expressiveness for and with those you are around. We also discuss common pitfalls as far as an un-interrogated need to be chosen, an...2025-04-1038 minEmotional PhysicsEverlasting Lust: How can sexual heat be maintained as relationships age? And what do we do when it can't?Rebekah and Gillian explore a listener question on the relationship between lust and love, and the common predicament of dwindling lust in a long term relationship. Discoveries include: Some evolutionary psych intel on the different instinctual drives of hunting versus nesting and how these might relate to different kinks as well as ebbs and flows in lustA relationship anarchy lens on combing out and giving equal weight to the platonic, romantic, and sexual elements of our closest bondsThe role having kids with someone can play in amping up the "family" brainwaves of relationships and confusing or muting the "lu...2025-04-0334 minEmotional PhysicsCheating Part 2: But wait, is there a way forward after cheating? How do people repair?Rebekah and Gillian come back to finish the conversation on cheating, with the important element of how they have seen couples successfully repair after infidelity. Personal responsibility and accountability, as well as distress tolerance seem to be the superpowers used by partners we have seen be successful in learning from, healing from, and growing together after betrayal. We talk about needing to be perfect in front of a partner, and unprocessed shame in general, as both a risk factor for cheating in the first place, and a block to repairing afterward. We also discuss some reasonably unhinged strategies for bur...2025-03-2636 minEmotional PhysicsCheating Part 1: What is cheating, really, and can it be prevented?Rebekah and Gillian respond to a listener question about cheating by taking a look at:What kinds of “cheating” (really, betrayal) exist in relationships from the sexual to even the financial or informational! We consider how relationship agreements can help to clarify what cheating really means for each partnership, and how can we normalize talking about these agreements early and often before painful confusion, accidental, or plausibly-deniable betrayal come into the picture. We also talk about that darn amygdala/survival brain and how unmet needs can pair with unexamined fears leading us down the path of sneaky or damagin...2025-03-2041 minEmotional PhysicsFinding freedom in relationship and why non-monogamy isn't always the solution we might expectIn today’s episode Rebekah and Gillian respond to a listener question about the dismay of finding that non-monogamous relationship structures can sometimes end up feeling just as confining and trapping as monogamous structures! So disappointing! What’s a seeker of liberated love to do? Rebekah and Tink share some ideas, identifying how a sense of feeling trapped in relationship is likely less about number of partners, and more about the unexamined questions of “what is it that I feel I can’t do, in this relationship? Where did I get that idea? What would it take for me to check th...2025-03-1338 minEmotional PhysicsCan I Get A Witness: A psychological deep-dive on the validation we seek from romantic partnersGillian gets into a vortex of shrinky theory (she does this a lot) and brings in Kohut's theory of Self Psychology, which defines some primary things that children need to get from their caregivers to develop well. Today we focus on the first of these which is "mirroring," or a caregiver's ability to reflect back to a child that they are loved and special because GUESS WHAT, how this did or didn't happen for us will directly impact the ways that we will crave to be witnessed and seen by our romantic partners! Gillian and Tink reflect on their ow...2025-03-0634 minEmotional PhysicsDopamine Dragons and Spacious Starts: How not to lose yourself in your relationshipIn this episode, Gillian and Tink answer a listener's question about individuality in relationship, and how to maintain independence and connection to self while in a committed, monogamous relationship. They dive deep into the theme of family systems and "individuation" or: how it worked or didn't work to be our own people in the company of the adults who raised us and how autonomy was or wasn't nurtured. They answer questions like: "How do we avoid enmeshment?" "How do we stay present in our bodies and authentically grounded while in romantic attachments?" So often we lose connection to our ow...2025-02-2735 minEmotional PhysicsIt’s an I Believe You Party and everyone’s invited!Patterns of codependency and manipulation can really sneak into romantic relationships despite the best intentions of all involved. An "I Believe You" Party is one of our favorite tools to keep thinking clearly, to honor ourselves, to stay in our own business, let go of the pressure to convince the other person of anything including our own worth, and to treat partners with compassion even during conflict. We can throw this party for ourselves and/or a partner when we accept and offer acknowledgement that someone’s position is their position, even if we don’t like or agree with...2025-02-2042 minEmotional PhysicsWhat is Emotional Physics and who are Rebekah and Gillian?In this episode Rebekah Tinker and Gillian Boudreau introduce themselves, and this: The question-based podcast exploring all things romance, love and lust particularly within non-traditional containers and setups. Rebekah and Gillian share some of their own personal journeys both as couples therapists and as at times whilrlwindy humans navigating relationships. They also share some central themes of an approach to honest, responsive, liberated love that they hope will inspire you to reach out with questions! Send your questions to us at: https://ouremotionalphysics.com/contact Find us on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/emotionalphysicspodcast2025-02-1226 min