Shows
Relaxing with RobBe Kind to YourselfThere’s enough criticism in the world without targeting yourself. Jess Glynne’s 2015 song, “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” expresses this nicely.To offer feedback on my podcast, please write to: relaxingwithrob@gmail.com2020-05-3109 minRelaxing with RobDistinguish Problems from InconveniencesYou might be less anxious if you recalibrate your stress meter and consider some problems as simply “inconveniences.” Here’s a non-affiliate link to Robert Fulghum’s book that inspired today’s topic. I also encourage you to support local booksellers and borrow from your public library.2020-05-2407 minRelaxing with RobBe More Grateful & CreativeA simple but challenging experiment could produce gratitude in the short term and creativity in the long term.2020-05-1707 minRelaxing with RobTurn Back the ClockAging may be inevitable, but holding a negative stereotype about it is not. Research from Harvard psychologist Ellen J. Langer shows that we can actually turn the clock back in surprising ways through shifts in our expectations. Here’s a non-affiliate link to Langer’s book on mindful health.2020-05-1008 minRelaxing with RobWorry Less about Others' OpinionsIt’s normal to worry about others’ opinions of you, but it’s not necessary. Two ways to break free from this are: 1) desensitize yourself by assuming that it’s always going to happen; and 2) recognize that their critiques are directed at your “social self,” not your “essential self.” Here’s a non-affiliate Amazon link to Martha Beck’s book that I reference in the episode.2020-05-0307 minRelaxing with RobCommencement WisdomYou don’t have to attend a graduation ceremony to benefit from commencement speakers. Here’s a link to Anne Lamott’s 2003 address at the University of California, Berkeley that explores mindfulness and compassion with humor and insight. I believe that in 2020, her comments have become even more relevant.2020-04-2607 minRelaxing with RobSimplifySimplifying our lives can reduce our stress.Here are three suggestions:Donate stuff.Let go of draining relationships.Act as if you already have more than enough.This is a non-affiliate link to Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s book, Gift from the Sea.And here’s a longer passage (pages 17-18) from the 50th anniversary edition:“I want first of all . . . to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and ac...2020-04-1909 minRelaxing with RobRationalize for HappinessResearch on happiness from social psychologist Daniel Gilbert can help us in surprising ways.Here’s a non-affiliate link to Gilbert's book on happiness. I also encourage you to support your local booksellers and borrow from your library. And here’s a link to one of Gilbert's TED Talks.2020-04-1208 minRelaxing with RobAvoid Snap JudgmentsIn circumstances that don't require snap decisions, consider three ways of tolerating stress in order to improve your judgment.For your convenience, here's a non-affiliate link to the Malcom Gladwell book Blink that I mention.2020-04-0508 minRelaxing with RobReturn to WellnessOur beliefs about illness may sometimes help in our healing. These authors share insights on how this occurs:Rilke's book (Stephen Mitchell translation for Kindle)Jerome Groopman's Amazon pageKate Bowler's bookThe PLOS ONE study on placebos for IBS2020-03-2910 minRelaxing with RobEdit Your LifeAlthough you may not claim full authorship credit for your life, you can freely edit any time. Here's what might help from Donald Miller's book, A million miles in a thousand years: What I learned while editing my life. And if you'd like more, this is a non-affiliate link to his book list.2020-03-2208 minRelaxing with RobJoy of an Average DayJoy can be sustained in average lives more readily than in exceptional ones. Why not experiment for just a day, and then see how you feel?Here's the link to Michael Neill's article on which this episode is based:https://www.michaelneill.org/mnct829.shtml2020-03-1507 minRelaxing with RobSPECIAL -- Calm in a CrisisDuring a pandemic, calm rational action is far more effective than fear-based behavior. This Centers for Disease Control site is an excellent source of guidance. 2020-03-1205 minRelaxing with RobWorking Through ChangeSince change is the only constant in life, here are some ways to manage it gracefully.Acknowledge its reality.Stay present and mindful.Learn from past changes.Control your reactions.Focus on what comes next.2020-03-0807 minRelaxing with RobChange Your GenesOur genetic structure is fixed, but we can influence how genes express themselves, and thus improve our health.To slow (and in some cases reverse) cellular aging:Eat healthfully.Exercise regularly.If you drink, do so in moderation.Quit tobacco products.Reduce stress.Here’s the independent nutrition site I mention: https://nutritionfacts.orgThis video summarizes research on the power of a plant-based diet (specifically in reducing saturated fat intake) to slow cellular aging.This video on stress management res...2020-03-0107 minRelaxing with RobNot All Thoughts Are TrueOverthinking (especially about the future) is rarely worth its price. Although learning from the past and planning for the future are essential, the real action is in the present.2020-02-2308 minRelaxing with RobIncrease Optimal Experience (a.k.a. "Flow")Learn evidence-based ways to feel happier and more engaged. Although what you do for a living matters, how you do it is even more important.If you would like to learn more, here are some resources:https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-flow/Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. New York: Harper Perennial. https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/1999-11644-0032020-02-1609 minRelaxing with RobBONUS exercise -- Guided Imagery for SuccessTry this guided imagery exercise to help prepare for an important event (e.g., interview, exam, or presentation). For an excellent resource on guided imagery, I recommend this book by Martin Rossman, M.D.2020-02-1213 minRelaxing with RobEmbrace Your ImperfectionsSince expecting perfection leads to disappointment, why not use your imperfections to connect better with people? This reduces anxiety and builds interpersonal bridges.2020-02-0907 minRelaxing with RobBe YourselfBeing yourself is not easy, but it’s worth the risk. The song, “This Is Me,” by Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Ensemble, might inspire your effort.2020-02-0206 minRelaxing with RobLet More Life InMindfully facing our fears and flaws allows us to take action, rather than defend ourselves against them. From Rumi through Coldplay, this concept seems to endure.2020-01-2605 minRelaxing with RobTolerate Stress to Achieve GoalsTaking that first step toward your goal is great, but it's crucial to continue--in spite of anxiety. We might want a shortcut to success, but there is tremendous value in working through problems.2020-01-1907 minRelaxing with RobUse Music to RelaxAlthough music can help you relax, it can do so much more. Experiment to find what works best, but here's a sample of what I like:"Symphony No. 9 in D Minor," Beethoven"Thunder Road," Bruce Springsteen"Still Young," The Cat Empire"Three Little Words," Branford Marsalis"Free It Up," Destra (feat. Sean Paul)"Waiting on the Stage," Machel Montano (feat. Badjohn Republic)"Like a Surgeon," Weird Al Yankovic"Keeping Your Head Up," Birdy "Glow," Nelly Furtado [opening words before the song]"Emergence," R. Carlos Nakai"Thunderstruck," AC/D...2020-01-1206 minRelaxing with RobMake Affirmations WorkA slight change to an affirmation could strengthen its power.Here's the Michael Jordan interview (1991) on Saturday Night Live.Examples of how you might structure an affirmation:Up until now, I’ve been expecting perfection; now I’m striving for excellence.Up until now, I’ve been scared of down-time; now I’m making it count.Up until now, I’ve been afraid of public speaking; now I’m growing in confidence.Up until now, I’ve been eating mindlessly; now I’m savoring food.Up until no...2020-01-0505 minRelaxing with RobReduce Time StressTime stress is common, but it can be reduced more easily than you think. Savor what you do have right now instead of wishing you had it all.Focus on priorities--your core values--instead of greater efficiency.Simplify--both in terms of possessions and people.For fast acting relief from stress, try slowing down. —Lily TomlinDecline unreasonable requests.2019-12-2909 minRelaxing with RobPersevere through AdversityIt may require more than a kitten poster for you to "Hang in There!" Tolerating some anxiety to achieve your goals is well worth the effort. To learn from an expert, go to this non-affiliate link about Jennifer Pharr Davis.2019-12-2207 minRelaxing with RobMake Choices Without AgonizingHaving so many choices in our privileged lives can create anxiety. Although this is a totally first world problem, it's still real. I'll suggest a way to help navigate through.And the Barry Schwartz (2004) book I reference is The paradox of choice: Why more is less. New York: HarperCollins.2019-12-1508 min