Shows
The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}EP 249: Behaviors as Brilliant Adaptations with Sally MaslanskyContent warning: This episode includes discussion of severe trauma, abuse (including sexual abuse), dissociation, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and pause if needed.In today’s episode, Robyn is joined by therapist, author, and adoptive parent Sally Maslansky to explore dissociative identity disorder through the lens of interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and compassion. Together, they unpack how even the most confusing and baffling behaviors- ours and our children’s - can be understood as brilliant adaptations rooted in survival.In this episode, you’ll hear about:Why dissociative identi...
2026-01-201h 02The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}EP 248: Felt Safety when Nothing Feels SafeShould we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe?I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems?In this episode, you’ll learn:Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or systemic failure- and how both truths can...
2026-01-1334 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{REPLAY} All Behavior Makes Sense- Decoding the Neurobiology of Baffling BehaviorThis episode originally aired in October 2024.All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges.Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change.But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-safety.In this episode, you’ll learnHow all brains create realityThe brain’s most important jobThe most effective path to take if you want to see beha...
2025-11-1150 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{REPLAY} Grief in Parenting a Child with a VNSIf you're parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, grief is an ever-present companion, whether we acknowledge grief or not.The holiday season often stirs that grief up a bit more. Our kids need more accomodations, they don't find the same things fun that other kids do, and sometimes it feels like special events aren't even worth it. As November begins, I'm replaying this previously episode all about grief in parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system. In this episode, you’ll learn:The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's impo...
2025-11-0443 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 208: Bravely Being With Grief with Rose LaPiereRose LaPiere LPC, RPT-S, and ACS invites into a space of safety and connection so we can make room for grief. Rose brings her own experiences of grief to her work as a play therapist (and co-leader in Robyn’s immersive training program for parenting professionals, Being With) so she can bravely welcome in, and be with, her client’s big, at times overwhelming, feelings. In this episode, you’ll learnThe importance of authenticity, naming, and acknowledge even really really hard feelingsThe role of playfulness is processing griefThe importance of self-compassion for the grown-u...
2025-02-1150 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: You Aren't Doing it WrongYou aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead.In this episode, you’ll learn:That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else)A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are strugglingWhy having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goalResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookInfluence Behaviors, Not Control https://robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors/Read a the ful...
2024-12-3134 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: Grief in ParentingRobyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems In this episode, you’ll learn:The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselvesThe role of self-compassionHow a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes griefResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/griefThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and...
2024-12-2637 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}EP 203: An Underwhelming Grand Reveal!Hey everyone, this is Alex, Robyn's son and podcast editor. To be 100% honest, we forgot to record a podcast for this week. Luckily, I have stepped in to fill the podcast void and to make my grand reveal!In this episode, you’ll learnWhat my voice sounds like!Why we didn't get a new episode out for y'all.Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grandreveal The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to Rob...
2024-12-1008 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{REPLAY} Grief in ParentingRobyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems In this episode, you’ll learn:The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselvesThe role of self-compassionHow a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes griefResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/griefThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and...
2024-03-0137 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: What does "Vulnerable Nervous System" mean?What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What do I mean by vulnerable nervous systemHow to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous systemWhat causes nervous system vulnerabilityHow to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous systemResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebookThe Cl...
2024-02-1632 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}EP. 164: Attachment Science in Action- A conversation with Jessica SinarskiIf you’ve ever wanted to eavesdrop on a conversation between two attachment, trauma, and neuro-nerds, today is your chance.Robyn and her dear friend and colleague, Jessica Sinarski, got together a few weeks ago for a live webinar to chat about how they have turned attachment science into practice.If you missed that webinar, here’s your chance to listen in.In this episode, you’ll learnWhy most therapy trainings are inadequate for working with children with trauma and attachment historiesHow Robyn & Jessica learned how to put attachment scienc...
2024-02-061h 06The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 153: Marshall Lyles & Robyn Gobbel Talk about Writing #RKB3Marshall Lyles is here with me today to help me reflect on the journey of bringing Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors into the world.I knew Marshall was just the person to ask to help me with this. He asked questions I was so grateful to reflect on. Thank you for witnessing this experience for me and allowing me to accompany your journey.Book!!!-Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors released September 21. CLICK HERE to order now!Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/talkaboutwriting
2023-09-261h 04The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 141: Peaceful Discipline & Story Teaching with Sarah R. MooreIn this podcast episode, Robyn Gobbel interviews Sarah R. Moore, the author of Peaceful Discipline: Story Teaching, Brain Science & Better Behavior, and founder of Dandelion Seeds Positive Parenting. Sarah was working a corporate job when as a new mom, a conversation with a pediatrician who discouraged her from responding to her baby's cries ignited a fire in her to research and understand the importance of responsive parenting. This experience led her to empower parents and caregivers by providing evidence-based information and support.In this episode, you’ll learn:The basics of conscious parentingThe importance of curiosity and...
2023-07-1158 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 137: Disappointment: A Sneaky Cause of Baffling BehaviorsAn episode exploring the feeling of disappointment as an underlying cause of many baffling behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why and how we avoid feeling disappointmentThe neurobiology of disappointmentBehaviors associated with avoiding disappointmentThe importance of embracing disappointmentResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookRead a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/disappointmentThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you ca...
2023-06-1348 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 136: Making Sense of Baffling BehaviorsAn episode all about the evolution of the podcast and how the name change will reflect the vast audience of families with children who have baffling behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn:The origins of the podcastThe huge impact of the podcastWhy we're renaming the show Who the podcast is forResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookThe Neuro Immune podcast series: http://RobynGobbel.com/NeuroimmuneSeriesRead a the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/bafflingbehaviorshowThe Club is w...
2023-06-0635 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 135: You Aren't Doing it WrongYou aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead.In this episode, you’ll learn:That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else)A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are strugglingWhy having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goalResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookInfluence Behaviors, Not Control https://robyngobbel.com/influencebehaviors/Read a the ful...
2023-05-3037 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 134: What if Trauma Informed... Isn't?We cannot be trauma informed without changing our beliefs about human behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn:How staying focused on behavior is objectifying and dehumanizingWhy we cannot heal vulnerable nervous systems with objectifying approachesHow our culture sets parents up to believe good parents are in control of their kids behaviorsHow to begin deconstructing these beliefs so we can stay in our owl brainResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookHas Trauma Informed Become A Behavior Modification Technique? https://robyngobbel.com/traumainformed/Influence Behaviors, Not Control https://rob...
2023-05-2341 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 129: Grief in ParentingRobyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems In this episode, you’ll learn:The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselvesThe role of self-compassionHow a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes griefResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/griefThe Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and...
2023-04-2537 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 122: What does "Vulnerable Nervous System" mean?What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What do I mean by vulnerable nervous systemHow to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous systemWhat causes nervous system vulnerabilityHow to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous systemResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebookThe Cl...
2023-03-2829 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 121: How Toxic Shame HealsPart 3 of a 3 part series on toxic shame discusses how toxic shame heals and gives parents a map for how to be with kids who experience toxic shame.In this episode, you’ll learn:There is no technique or tool to heal shameWhat toxic shame really needs in order to healThe role of memory reconsolidation in healing toxic shameWhy holding the truth for our kids mattersResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClubPrevious Podcast Episodes:Trauma, Me...
2023-03-2139 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 120: What Does Toxic Shame Look Like?Understanding how your child's - or your - behaviors protect against re-experiencing toxic shame and what it looks like will help you along the way to healing toxic shame.In this episode, you’ll learn:What behaviors might you see that are related to toxic shameHow and why behaviors protect us from re-experiencing toxic shameHow Internal Family Systems helps us make sense of these behaviorsHow toxic shame can protect us from experiencing the grief of alonenessResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/The Club: RobynGobbel.com/Th...
2023-03-1446 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 119: The Neurobiology of Toxic ShameUnderstanding the neurobiology of toxic shame helps us understand how to begin to change this for our kids.In this episode, you’ll learn:What is the difference between shame and toxic shameWhat is the neurobiology of toxic shameHow does toxic shame develop?Why do good things trigger shame for some people?Robyn's book is available for pre-order!!!Resources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/The Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClubRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/toxicshame...
2023-03-0746 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 118: How Can The Club Help my Family? Q&AThe Club is currently welcoming new members and I know you have questions- questions that ultimately boil down to:Is The Club right for me and my family?How can The Club help?I also answer very practical questions like:What’s Included in The Club? (so much!)How much direct interaction do I get with Robyn (lots!)Is it easy to quit when I’m ready? (YES!)Welcome to the Friday Q&A series! I’m answering listener questions every Friday on the podcast.For all the details about The Club and to joi...
2023-03-0339 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 117: How I've Strengthened my Psychological BoundariesRobyn shares her personal journey with strengthening her own psychological boundaries.In this episode, you’ll learn:Robyn’s experience as a client in a therapy settingAllowing others to have their own emotional journeys without interferingCaring for your watchdog and possum brains with your owl brainThe title for Robyn’s book coming out September 2023!!! Pre-order HEREResources mentioned in this podcast:Being With Directory: RobynGobbel.com/BeingWithDirectoryParent Course Directory: RobynGobbel.com/ParentCourseDirectoryThe Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClubPodcast with Juliane Taylor Shore: https://robyngobbel.com/boundaries3/Read...
2023-02-2855 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 112: The Problem with a RAD diagnosis- Friday Q&A series"I’m so confused about the RAD diagnosis. My son’s therapist suggested it but everything I read online is scary and hopeless. Help!"When parents get a diagnosis of RAD (or it even gets suggested!) they head straight to Google.What they find is terrifying!That's the problem with RAD as a diagnosis!In this episode, I give a new framework for considering what's underneath the behavioral symptoms that lead to a diagnosis of RAD- and why this reframe is crucial to treatment.Welcome to Fridays in February Q&As...
2023-02-1024 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 102: Telling the Truth to Adopted Kids- Even When it's Hard with guest Marcella MoslowIn this episode, you’ll learn:How to talk with kids about tricky topics likeWhy they were relinquished for adoptionWhy they can’t see their familyWhy their family doesn’t want to see themWhy their family has gone on to have a new familyResources mentioned in this podcast:Marcella’s new podcast! Adoptees DishListen on SpotifyFollow on InstagramRobyn’s podcast series on memoryhttps://robyngobbel.com/traumamemorybehavior/https://robyngobbel.com/mentalmodels/Robyn’s eBook and video series on memoryhttps://robyngobbel.com/course/traumamemorybehaviors/Read a...
2022-11-1556 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{BONUS} Helping Kids with Toxic ShameA short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of a social media post and a post I made in The Club a while back.Loving someone who is held captive by toxic shame is so so hard. I hope this short episode gives you a little understanding of toxic shame and self-hatred, as well as a few practical ideas about how to be with a child who is stuck in a pit of toxic shame.The Club On-Demand Video Library houses a three-part video training on the neurobiology of t...
2022-09-3013 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{BONUS} When Parenting Advice HurtsA short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out.Sometimes good parenting advice can actually leave us feeling more alone, isolated, and yes- hurt.It's not bad advice. It's just not enough.In this episode I mention my interview with Marshall Lyles about Ableism and Parenting, as well as my ow memes and reels (LOL- oh the irony) over on Instagram.Read the transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/whenparentingadvicehurts/The Club is welcoming new members starting next T...
2022-09-2310 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{BONUS} A Kayak Fell on My HeadA short note from Robyn...This episode is a recording of an email I previously sent out.New skills- like hoisting a kayak over your head or staying regulated in the face of utter chaos- take a lot of practice. Sometimes shame gets in the way of continuing to practice, and I easily feel the tug toward 'it's too hard. I should give up...'It is hard. Sometimes you need to rest. Sometimes you can keep going. Sometimes a kayak falls on my head.You can read...
2022-09-1608 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: Self-Compassion Keeps You RegulatedI love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally). In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassi...
2021-12-3031 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: Why Do I Get So Dysregulated?Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill? Why can’t I keep it together? Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good. But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelle...
2021-12-2838 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: Why Good Times Can Suddenly Go BadI'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon.Everything seems great. Fun! Even laughter and real good times.And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down.Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation.I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can open up compassion and keep us more regulated. Which then means we can respond instead of react.In today's episode we are looking at the science behind why this hap...
2021-12-2322 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}REPLAY: Child Always Dysregulated? Try this!!!Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.1. Food, water, and movement2. Structure, routing, and predictability3. Stick closeThese may or m...
2021-12-2134 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 64: Right Where You Need To BeAs I sat down to prep this final podcast episode of 2021- I really paused and reflected on the question- what do you need?What Do You Need?What do you need in December? In a time of year that often involves increased dysregulation and chaos. There are more responsibilities this time of year. You might feel more pressure to have a family that looks or acts a certain way. There are definitely more opportunities to enforce our own boundaries. And almost certainly more opportunities to grieve that this isn’t...
2021-12-1412 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 63: Connections over Compliance with Dr. Lori DesautelsLori Desautels is an assistant professor in the College of Education at Butler University in Indianapolis. Dr. Desautels is especially interested in applying the social and affective neurosciences, including polyvagal theory, into the education setting. Dr. Desautels also spends two days a week in the classroom, currently with 7th graders, where she has the opportunity to be applying the concepts she is teaching to other educators. Dr. Desautels remembers that even before she moved into academia or had the opportunity to be exposed to social neuroscience she had a lot of curiosity about what behavior really is...
2021-12-0750 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 62: Trauma Informed Schools with Jim Sporleder from Paper TigersYou might have met Jim Sporleder in the groundbreaking documentary Paper Tigers. Jim is the former principal of Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, Washington, where he led his team and ultimately his students on the journey of becoming a trauma-informed school. The work Jim, his team, and his students did was so phenomenal that it inspired the documentary Paper Tigers. If you haven’t seen Paper Tigers, I highly recommend it. It is absolutely worth your time! A New Lens on BehaviorJim was inspired to shift toward a trauma-informed lens be...
2021-11-301h 02The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 61: Against a Behavioral Approach with Greg SantucciGreg Santucci is an Occupational Therapist who has taken Facebook by storm with his bold, playful, and useful posts about working with kids- especially kids with regulation challenges. He currently works both in a hospital clinic and in the schools. Greg also has a consultation and training business where he gets to travel the country, training schools and occupational clinics in his ground-making model of working with kids through the lens of regulation and the neuroscience of behavior (sound familiar?!).Greg has years of experience as a school-based occupational therapist and advocating for the respectful treatment of st...
2021-11-2358 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 60: Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools with Julie BeemJulie Been is the executive of the Attachment and Trauma Network, a non-profit organization the supports the families of children with experiences of attachment trauma. One of the resources ATN offers the community is the Creating Trauma Sensitive Schools conference.In today's episode, Julie and I talk a bit about how the conference came to be and what you can currently find at the conference (which is offered both virtually and in person in 2022).Julie also shares her go-to advice for parents who are struggling to get the services their child needs at s...
2021-11-161h 06The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 59: The Regulated Classroom with Emily DanielsIs it possible to consider that the story we write about the experiences we are having are exactly that? Just a story? And that it's possible to re-write that story?What about the story we write about someone else's behaviors and our reaction to those behaviors?This week's guest, Emily Daniels, MEd., MBA, NCC, SEP in Training, is the founder of HERE this NOW, a trauma-informed education and consulting firm dedicated to bringing trauma-informed education into schools. She is the author of The Regulated Classroom, a guidebook for teachers to help them bring the science of...
2021-11-091h 05The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 58: How to Advocate for our Kids at SchoolIt's that time of year again.Dysregulation is increasing, holidays are starting, and school is becoming a very hard place for our kids (and their teachers!)Mid to late October begins a very predictable pattern of dysregulation in the families I work with.It's one thing for this to happen at home, but it's probably happening at school, too. Now what do you do?Today's episode kicks of a series on Supporting our Kids (and their teachers!) at School and I have some pretty amazing guests planned for you.
2021-11-0232 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 57: The Relationship Between Nutrition & Behavior with Dr. Nicole BeurkensWhat if we could get better behavior by focusing on something completely different?Dr. Nicole Beurkens is a holistic psychologist in Grand Rapids, MI who also has degrees and experience in education and nutrition.Dr. Beurkens started her career in special education and soon found herself with a desire to work with kids, parents, and families in a deeper way than she was able to as an educator.Through her work with families, as well as her own family, Dr. Beurkens became interested in nutrition and brain health, ultimately earning another master’s de...
2021-10-261h 12The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 56: But- What About a Consequence?Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting. It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need to be successful?" and then giving them that. It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never f...
2021-10-1946 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 55: From Correction to Connection Based Parenting: This Dad's JourneyJD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent.Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went! JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do. Their tools weren’t working, the way that they were parented weren’t working, and he wanted to learn a different way.It wasn’t easy. In fact, JD said “for the first cou...
2021-10-121h 02The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 54: Has Trauma Informed Become Another Behavior Modification Technique?Trauma Informed Care was my introduction to a new model on behavior. A model that went past the behaviorist lens, a model that encouraged us to look way beyond the behavior and get curious about what was driving the behavior. Trauma informed approaches aren't just good for kids with a history of trauma.Truly being trauma informed means connecting with what it means to be human- and then understanding the impact of trauma on top of that.I’ve worried about-- and even gotten some feedback-- that I’m unint...
2021-10-0531 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}The parts of The Club that are Hard to DescribeYou've probably heard- The Club is open for registration from now until October 5, 2021!There are parts of The Club that are super easy to describe and there are parts of The Club that feel almost impossible to describe.If you're thinking about joining The Club, here's my best attempt at showing you what The Club is all about. In this episode I mention how there are basically no rules for membership- except that all members agree to The Club manifesto. Yup, we have a manifesto. It's not creepy, promise. In fact, it might be...
2021-10-0116 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 53: What Our Kids Really Need (and us, too)...Moments of Healing"Therapeutic moments can be brief and ideally are spread throughout your whole week—it’s not just about one hour a week with the therapist." Dr. Bruce PerryWhat if kids (and families!) could get what they need from moments of healing spread throughout their entire week instead of in one hour a week in the therapist's office? I think we can! We should. We must.This series on Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain has been all about exactly that. Finding moments of healing and leaning in. Whether your a parent o...
2021-09-2832 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 52: Occupational Therapy: Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain Marti Smith, OTR is an Occupational Therapist, fellow with the Child Trauma Academy, and founding Board Member with A-TROT, the Alliance for Trauma Responsive Occupational Therapists. Marti is a dear friend and close colleague. We met what feels like eons ago at a Trust Based Relational Intervention training and became quick friends. I’ve learned so much from Marti in my own career about chasing the ‘why’ behind a behavior-- and not just the relational and attachment need, but the biological and physiological need behind a behavior. The Brain is Behind Everything We DoThe founda...
2021-09-2153 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 51: Equine Assisted Trauma Informed Psychotherapy: Strengthening the Foundation of the BrainMy guest on this week’s podcast is Michael Remole, a mental health therapist in Central Illinois who integrates trauma-informed equine assisted psychotherapy into his work with clients.A horse-lover since childhood, Michael was working on his master’s degree in counseling when he realized he could integrate his love for horses with his passion for working with people who had experienced trauma. Michael is now the COO and Director of Clinical Services at Gateway Family Services. He is trained in Natural Lifemanship as well as Dr. Bruce Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, which is focused on stren...
2021-09-1454 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 50: Theraplay: Strengthening the Foundation of the BrainTheraplay is a dyadic (parent/child) treatment modality for supporting children and families that focuses on harnessing the power of the relationship between the child and their caregiver as path toward change and healing. Theraplay places a priority on strengthening the parent/child relationship as the way to create change for a child or within a family- even in diagnoses or symptoms that don’t seem obviously related to the parent/child relationship, such as ADHD or Autism. Theraplay believes that strengthening the parent/child relationship will always contribute positively to a child’s mental health, regardless of the...
2021-09-071h 03The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 49: How the Brainstem Heals"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhDThis is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series.The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain. It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord. The brainstem is the first part of the brain to really wire up, flourishing with neural connections. The brainstem is organizing and developing in utero and is working pretty effectively in healthy, full term infants.
2021-08-3133 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 48: The Safe & Sound Protocol: Strengthening the Foundation of the BrainMelissa Corkum was the obvious guest to invite on the podcast as part of this Building the Foundation Brain Series. Melissa was adopted as an infant from Korea and is also a adoptive mom. She is the co-host and co-founder of The Adoption Connection Podcast- which has now evolved into so much more than a podcast.Melissa has been supporting adoptive families for many years, training in the Empowered to Connect parenting curriculum that is connected to Trust Based Relational Intervention over ten years ago. She studies neuroscience and parenting in between raising kids- including at times, hom...
2021-08-2451 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 47: A Neurodevelopmental Approach- Right Intervention, Right TimeThis podcast probably isn’t your first experience with a parenting ‘expert’ or-- if you listen because you’re a therapist, this probably isn’t your first experience with a child therapist ‘expert.’The parents and professionals I know are searching for something that makes sense, something that works.You may have had a felt sense all along that some of the most mainstream ways we support kids and behaviors just didn’t make sense to you.Or maybe they did make sense but then they just simply didn’t work. Yup, I felt the sa...
2021-08-1721 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 46: Imperfect Parenting Grows Resilience with Guest Dr. Amy StoeberAmy Stoeber is a clinical psychologist in the Portland, OR area. She has a small private practice where she works with kids and families who have a history of trauma and toxic stress. Amy also trains medical professionals on recognizing trauma in their patients and families, and then helps them know how to support the building of strong thriving families and resilient children.Amy is at the forefront of shifting the conversation around trauma away from “What’s wrong with you?” and toward the important conversation on resilience. As families and professionals develop an understanding of Advers...
2021-08-1053 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 45: Cooking is Connecting with Special Guest- Chef Kibby“Life is messy. Parenting is messy. Cooking is messy. But if we do it together, we are creating experiences of togetherness with our children that teaches them they are safe, loved, and empowered.” Social media might be good for something after all- like meeting really neat people like Chef Kibby from Cookin’ With Kibby.Kibby is a professional chef and has been teaching culinary skills to others for many many years. He’s also a dad to his biological, adopted, and foster kids. Kibby has shifted his professional life to be supporting fos...
2021-08-0359 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 44: Supporting the Families of Kids with Big Behaviors: Podcast Swap with Therapist UncensoredY'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Therapist Uncensored podcast. This was my second time on Therapist Uncensored- the first time was a few years ago when I got to record live in their studio. The co-hosts of Therapist Uncensored, Sue and Ann, are colleagues from back in Austin. If you don't know Therapist Uncensored, defini...
2021-07-271h 00The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 43: There is No Such Thing as Self-Regulation! Podcast Swap with Empowered to ConnectY'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Empowered to Connect podcast. It was one of my favorite interviews ever because it felt like I became instant friends with the hosts, JD and Tona. Oh my, did we laugh. You could say we discovered we were kindred spirits.JD and Tona had asked me on their podcas...
2021-07-201h 10The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Special Invitation to a Private Pop-Up Podcast!Hey everyone- it’s Robyn! I wanted to let you know about a surprise, pop-up podcast called The Confident & Connected Parent that starts today. It’s a five-day, five-episode private podcast that will walk you through the same roadmap I’ve taken thousands of parents so they can become their child’s own expert.This private pop up podcast is parents and professionals who are tired of playing behavior whack a mole with some of the most baffling and confusing behaviors. You’ve had too many experts tell you too many different thigns to do, and often...
2021-07-1702 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 42: IPNB, Being a Therapist, and a Human (part 2)- Podcast Swap with Karen BuckwalterY'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Attachment Theory in Action podcast with Karen Buckwalter (do you remember when Karen was my guest??)Earlier this year we recorded a 2-part episode on IPNB and Play Therapy.IPNB has changed my life.It changes the lives of the people I know.
2021-07-1353 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 41: IPNB, Being a Therapist, and a Human (part 1)- Podcast Swap with Karen BuckwalterY'all- I'm on vacation! Well not really, I'm still working but I need a rest from recording new podcasts! 40 episodes in a row! Not bad for a podcast on a whim ;)Today I'm sharing with you a podcast episode from when I was a guest on The Attachment Theory in Action podcast with Karen Buckwalter (do you remember when Karen was my guest??)Earlier this year we recorded a 2-part episode on IPNB and Play Therapy.IPNB has changed my life.It changes the lives of the people I know.
2021-07-0635 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 40: Bonnie Badenoch on Healing Attachment with Safety and PresenceToday we wrap up this month's focus on attachment with my dear mentor and friend, Bonnie Badenoch. Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT is a thought-leader in the relational neurosciences. When I think about her contribution to this emerging field of study, I think ‘integrator.’ Bonnie has helped us all feel into the many different strands that are woven together to become what we now call relational neuroscience- interpersonal neurobiology, affect regulation theory, polyvagal theory, memory reconsolidation theory, attachment theory, and more. Bonnie has taken the science and created space for clinicians to make meaning of how the science comes al...
2021-06-2959 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 39: How Attachment ChangesPart 6 of 6 in the June 2021 series on attachment!The part you've probably been waiting for: how does attachment change? If you haven't caught the previous five episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.In this episode, we look at How important it is to recognize insecure attachment as protective, trusting in the truth that things only change once we stop trying to make them changeWhat was needed at the time- but not received- for each stream of insecure attachmentHow to meet that need now, creating a...
2021-06-2336 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 38: The Tragedy of Disorganized Attachment***Possible Trigger Warning***Learning about disorganized attachment might feel overwhelming and bring up uncomfortable feelings. Listen in a place and at a time you can take breaks and seek regulation. Titrate yourself! Maybe read the article on the blog instead of listening to the podcast. www.RobynGobbel.com/disorganizedattachment***********Another episode in the June 2021 series on attachment!Today is all about disorganized attachment. If you haven't caught the previous four episodes in this series on attachment, be sure to check them out.In this episode, we lo...
2021-06-2232 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 37: A Closer Look at Insecure Avoidant AttachmentAnother episode in the June 2021 series on attachment!Today is all about insecure avoidant attachment.Avoidant attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!In this episode, we look at The behavior patterns that lead to avoidant attachmentThe attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with avoidant attachmentAvoidant attachment impact on regulationThe hope versus the expectation of avoidant attachmentThere’s a lot in this...
2021-06-1624 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 36: A Closer Look at Insecure Anxious AttachmentAnother episode in the June 2021 series on attachment!Today is all about insecure anxious attachment.Anxious attachment is in the category of 'organized' attachment- meaning, the infant figures out an organized way to get their attachment needs met in the best way possible. So smart!In this episode, we look at The behavior patterns that lead to anxious attachmentThe attachment needs of connection and autonomy, and which one is harder for babies with anxious attachmentAnxious attachment impact on regulationThe hope versus the expectation of anxious attachmentThere’s a lot in this...
2021-06-1529 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 35: A Closer Look at Secure AttachmentHere we are with the THIRD episode in this monthly focus on attachment!Today is allllll about secure attachment. 85% of the time, a child’s attachment experience will parallel the working model of attachment of the principal person caring for her. ~Eric HesseWhoa. Well, if that's the case, the obviously we have to first talk about attachment in adults and caregivers.In this episode we look at five characteristics of an adult with secure attachment.Then we look at some of the characteristics of a child with secure attach...
2021-06-0936 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 34: Back to Basics: AttachmentJune 2021 is allllll about attachment! We kicked off this special series on attachment last week with my interview with author Bethany Saltman and her memoir "Strange Situation."Today- we are going back to basics.Attachment is something that gets a lot of airtime but also, a lot of confusion. In today's episode we'll talk about John Bolwby and how he brilliantly noticed that attachment is about physical (and emotional) survival.We explore the difference between safe haven and secure base, and about how attachment is both about connection and autonomy.
2021-06-0837 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 33: Bethany Saltman with A Mother's Journey into the Science of AttachmentBethany Saltman is the author of part memoir part biography Strange Situation- A Mother’s Journey into the Science of Attachment. Bethany is a professional researcher, writer, and longtime Zen student who went searching for what she felt was missing when she was a new mom. Like myself, Bethany discovered Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book on attachment parenting when she was pregnant with her now 15-year-old daughter (my son is 15 and almost the exact same age!) and had expectations about what motherhood and parenting was going to look like: a blissful time where she enjoyed the natural awaken...
2021-06-0159 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 32: Why Good Times Can Suddenly Go BadI'll bet you are familiar with this baffling phenomenon.Everything seems great. Fun! Even laughter and real good times.And all of the sudden- completely dysregulation and melt-down.Sometimes even just the anticipation of something fun can lead to dysregulation. I know that understanding the why doesn't exactly solve this problem, but I definitely find that understanding the why can open up compassion and keep us more regulated. Which then means we can respond instead of react.In today's episode we are looking at the science behind why this happ...
2021-05-2521 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 31: Lisa Dion on how Regulation Does Not Equal CalmWhat if I told you that calm isn't best? Calm isn't what we are working toward! And prioritizing calm gives other states of the nervous system a bad wrap! Calm is just a byproduct of an attempt to regulate! In fact, there are risks to focusing on calm as our primary goal. On today's episode, I'm thrilled to introduce you to Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S, is an international teacher, creator of Synergetic Play Therapy, founder and President of the Synergetic Play Therapy Institute, and host of the Lessons from the Playroom podcast. She is the author...
2021-05-1856 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{BONUS} What Behavior Really Is- And How to Change ItOn May 10 and 11, 2021, I taught a free masterclass called What Behavior Really Is and How to Change it. Maybe you were there! But maybe you weren’t. To be honest, I do not love watching videos myself. I would much rather put in my ear buds and listen to the audio only- even if it meant missing the slides. So, with that in mind, I’m releasing the audio from that masterclass here as a bonus podcast episode!I hope you enjoy!!!********************************I suggested several resources in this episode!Parenting after Tra...
2021-05-131h 01The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 30: Trauma Behavior? Or Just Regular Kid Acting-Up Behavior?You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.What if I told you it doesn’t matter?Hear me out.Why do you want to figure that out? Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to det...
2021-05-1145 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}{BONUS} Mother's Day is Hard (or worse...)Maybe 'hard' doesn't even come close to describing your Mother's Day.If so, this episode is for you.I awoke at 4am this morning. Not in the plan but sometimes it happens. Up alone in the dark I decided to record an episode for everyone out there who is dreading today. I see you. Your pain is real and it's valid and I see you.I am sending infinite amounts compassion out into the universe...just for you.The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a ca...
2021-05-0916 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 29: Marshall Lyles with Be Brave. Be Reflective. Be Connected. Be Human.Marshall Lyles is one of my favorite humans on the planet. How did I get so lucky as to call him one of my closest friends, as well as a dear colleague who enjoys the creation process with me.Marshall is a dad, a therapist, a creator. We met and connected over our love for supporting the families of kids impacted by trauma, but our relationship has grown into so much more.Marshall is one of those humans who can combine deep thinking with deep humor. He isn't afraid of asking the hard questions but he...
2021-05-041h 01The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 28: Your Child Wants Connection...Promise.Kids who have been hurt inside connection and relationship protect themselves from getting hurt again.This can leave us feeling that they don't want connection.Which leaves us feeling like we don't want to offer connection. It starts to hurt too bad to keep offering something so vulnerable when we keep getting rejected.Maybe it would help to know that humans need connection to survive. Your child may be acting like they don't need or want connection, but they do.In fact, the intensity with which they work to reject connection is...
2021-04-2721 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 27: Marti Smith on Becoming a Connected TherapistYou know someone is going to be a ton of fun when their nickname is Queen of Lycra. Dear listeners, let me introduce you to Marti Smith, Occupational Therapist, TBRI Practitioner, and Fellow with the Child Trauma Academy.Marti and I could talk for hours about the sensory system, the body, movement, and the overlap between all of this an attachment- but we'll have to come back another time for the fun conversation. Today we are lucky enough to have Marti vulnerably how the personal and professional overlap. How through her work becoming a more connected occupational the...
2021-04-2056 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 26: Toxic Shame: Why was I failing at Shame Resilience?The good Texas social worker that I was (am???) meant I discovered...and loved...Dr. Brene Brown's work on shame resilience pretty early on.I loved it. Finally. A way out of shame!Except...then I stopped loving it. It seemed I couldn't even do shame resilience right because all the things Dr. Brown talked about weren't helping me.It wasn't that I wasn't doing it right. It's that there was a missing step. When I learned about the neurobiology of toxic shame, it began to unlock itself for me, ever so slightly.
2021-04-1332 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 25: Lacy Alana with Hope- Even when Things Seem HopelessLacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don't have to be perfect. Our messiness can meet each other's messiness. We can welcome our kids' messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it...even when it seems like nothing is working. Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she experienced childhood trauma, including being a youth who was in out-of-home care as a teenager. Lacy wanted to come on as a person who offers hope for all the parents and prof...
2021-04-061h 11The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 24: Parents Need CoRegulation, Too!!!We all need co-regulation.Me. You.When our kids are getting dysregulated quickly, flipping their lids a lot, or having mountain reactions out of mole-hill sized problems, what they need is more connection and co-regulation.This is true for grown-ups, too!There is nothing wrong with you because you flip your lid. Your not a bad parent. You don't need to doubt your integrity. You want to stay regulated and present, and you are trying. If you know how you want to parent but are struggling to actua...
2021-03-3034 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 23: Karen Buckwalter and Parenting the Challenging ChildI'm so pleased to introduce you to Karen Buckwalter! She is out in the world doing amazing things to support the families of kids impacted by trauma, including training up new clinicians as a Theraplay trainer and consultant, writing books for both therapists (Attachment Theory in Action) and parents (Raising the Challenging Child), and interviewing guests who are at the top of our field on her pocast, Attachment Theory in Action. Karen and I met online- where so many relationships are now nurtured, and have grown to develop deep respect for the work we are each doing. I l...
2021-03-2347 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 22: Undoing Aloneness for Parents of Kids with TraumaParents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.The loneliness is traumatic. It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully...
2021-03-1624 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 21: Jessica Sinarski on Shifting the Paradigm- for Everyone!Jessica Sinarski stays very busy making an impact wherever she can. Jessica trains educators, parents, and professionals- helping them move beyond trauma informed. Jessica is the founder of Brave Brains, an organization that provides resources and education for professionals, and is the author of two amazing children's books. Jessica has a lot of ways she's impacting the world and we get to hear about some of the amazing things she's doing. Jessica and I also have the opportunity to talk about lifting the shame for struggling parents and validating the experience of blocked care. Hearing how Jessica passi...
2021-03-0954 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 20: Why Do I Get So Dysregulated?Or mad? Or scared? Or overwhelmed? Or shut-down?Why do I make a mountain out of a mole hill? Why can’t I keep it together? Being ignored (or yelled at or cussed at or disrespected or refusing to eat or do a chore or or or or the list is endless) is never going to feel good. But- have you ever wondered why your brain goes into full on attacking watch dog mode when the reality is- refusing to do a chore, go to school, or even being ignored or yelle...
2021-03-0237 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 19: Aerial Silks, P!NK, and Curiosity: Robyn Gets VulnerableHang on...today's episode is waaaaay different. I wanted to feel more connected to you. So I started with inviting you to feel more connected to me. I asked my dear friend Anne- author, writing coach, and adoptee, to interview ME.I gave her no rules, no script, and no agenda except that I wanted you to get to know me better.We walk down a little of different paths together in this episode- we talk about how structure creates felt-safety and a little bit of what it's like to live in my (lou...
2021-02-2346 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 18: Child always dysregulated? Try this!!!Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. So…what should you do instead???This episode takes you through the three places I always recommend parents start first when they are trying to support their child who feels chronically dysregulated.1. Food, water, and movement2. Structure, routing, and predictability3. Stick closeThese may or m...
2021-02-1633 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 17: Felt-Safety: What's the Big Deal?Felt-safety is an important, yet commonly misunderstood part of parenting a child impacted by trauma (well really, parenting any child or being in any relationship, but we are talking about parenting kids impacted by trauma here).So- what even is felt-safety? Why does it matter? And how do we offer it to our children? I'll answer these question in this podcast! The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, reso...
2021-02-0929 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 16: Mark Vatsaas Helps Parents Feel Seen and HeardIt's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness.Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors. He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!)There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode. It's long but you are going to want to listen to the whole thing.Mark gives us a peek into his process as a parent coach and describes how he...
2021-02-041h 24The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 15: Lying as a Trauma Driven BehaviorLying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting. Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles? We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors. Would you rather about Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior? Check out my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/lying/The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a cale...
2021-02-0253 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 14: Eileen Devine and Brain First ParentingMy first podcast interview!!! And I tell you what- I chose wisely :) Eileen is a gem and you'll adore her.Eileen is a social worker and parent coach for parents of kids with brain-based difference that have challenging behavioral symptoms. AWESOME, right?Over the years, Eileen has become a good friend and close colleague. She is doing life-changing work with the families who work with her in her Brain First Parenting Program and Resilience Room. I can't wait for you to meet her!Check out all the goodness Eileen offers to the world at ht...
2021-01-2833 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 13: X-Ray Vision Parenting SuperpowerHear me out....If I were in charge of giving out superpowers for parents, especially parents of kids with a history of trauma, I'd give you x-ray vision.Attachment research is clear about the power of x-ray vision (except they call is reflective functioning and mentalizing). It is a powerful ingredient of secure attachment.In today's episode we will explore what kinds of things x-ray vision would tell us about our children and their behaviors and why it matters.It matters. A lot. Seeing through behaviors to what's underneath is one of the mos...
2021-01-2633 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 12: Imperfect Parenting is PerfectWhat if I told you the science is very clear- that our kids do not need perfect parents. Not only that, but perfect parenting would be bad for them!It might seem great in theory if we could always meet our kids needs. It might sound great in theory if someone else could always meet our needs! But when a relationship has a rupture- the next thing that can happen is the repair.Repair is like drizzled honey. Repair is like nestling into the most magically comfortable bed ever created. Repair is where it's at.
2021-01-1931 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 11: Changing How We See People Changes PeopleYou've heard me say "Changing How We See People Changes People." Let's talk about how I know this is true. It helps us understand why understanding the theory is a 'technique' and why staying regulated 'is a technique' that creates real, true change. We come to know who we are through the eyes of the other. Let's teach our children they are precious and full of infinite worth. Even when their behaviors are difficult.In the episode, I reference episode 2- No Behavior is Maladaptive- as well as a blog article by the same name. You ca...
2021-01-1238 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 9: Co-Regulation Before Self-RegulationSelf-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned, regulated, present caregiver. If children are struggling to use their self-regulation skills, it’s quite possible that they aren’t regulated enough to access those skills. They are getting dysregulated too quickly and need co-regulation before they can be expected to use skills on their own. It is these experience...
2020-12-2933 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 8: Self-Compassion Keeps You RegulatedI love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-compassion has an answer for all your reasons why you aren't worthy of self-compassion. I love that about self-compassion (probably because people describe me as tenacious- especially, relationally). In this episode, we will explore the science of self-compassion. We'll look at why compassion is the neurobiology of change. Why you deserve compassion. Why compassio...
2020-12-2229 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 7: Connection or Protection? The Science of OppositionThe brain has two modes- connection or protection.Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!This episode was re-recorded on 02/13/2026You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/Resources mentioned on the podcast:Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161Boundaries Series starts at ep 111Oppositional Behavior Series starts...
2020-12-1854 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 6: What's Regulation Got To Do With It?In a word...EVERYTHING.I talk about regulation constantly. So let's take a moment (or 25 minutes) and really define what that even is.This episode defines regulation and then defines why it even matters.When we can see how regulation is underneath behavior challenges, we can prioritize supporting regulation and not just stopping a behavior. This leads to long-term change, not just a short term band-aid solution.Seeing our children's behavior challenges as regulation challenges means we see them for who they really are. It allows us to stay more regulated and...
2020-12-1431 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 5: Saying the Unsayable with Special Guest Anne HeffronOOOOH...y'all are in for such a treat because Anne is just that. A treat. Anne is an author, writing coach, and adoptee. Her memoir, "You Don't Look Adopted" is pure gold. It's heart-wrenching and funny and raw and life-changing. You should read it.But first listen to our little conversation today about the importance of figuring out how to say the unsayable. The thing is...whatever is unsayable is always THERE. We just need to find a way to say it. And you know what...you don't even have to say it with words. You can r...
2020-12-0830 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 4: Tracking Arousal- Not BehaviorThe key to true, long-lasting behavior change is actually to stop focusing on behaviors. Stop trying to change them. Stop the charts. Stop the behavior modification. Stop the rewards. Stop the punishments.Read that again. How does that feel? Like a relief? Like terror??Both?Staying focused on behaviors, rewards, consequences, charts, stickers….it’s all just so exhausting. It’s exhausting because it doesn’t really work and because it’s pulling us out of integrity with what’s true. I think all of us have a place inside of us- maybe realllllly buried und...
2020-12-0428 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 3: No Behavior is MaladaptiveThere is no such thing as maladaptive.No. Behavior. Is. Maladaptive.Sure, there are LOTS of behaviors that have pretty big negative consequences…for ourselves and others.But the way the human mind is so brilliantly working all the time leaves me with an unwillingness to negotiate the truth that all behavior is adaptive.This core, unwavering belief creates my personal and professional foundation. It's based on neuroscience- and I explain it in this episode!Watch the original Facebook Live: Facebook LIVES Read the original blog post: No...
2020-12-0425 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 1: Welcome to Parenting after Trauma with Robyn GobbelWelcome!!Parenting after Trauma is the most spontaneous, least frills podcast on parenting children who have experienced trauma. In November 2020, I started doing Facebook Lives so I could quickly and easily connect with parents struggling to raise children who have experienced trauma. Almost immediately I realized I could turn the audios from those Lives into podcast episodes! I know I would much rather listen to a podcast than watch a video- especially if I have to be online to watch it- and I figured that might be true for you, too. This is a no...
2020-12-0407 minThe Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}Ep. 2: Boundaries with ConnectionBrain-based parenting with connection and coregulation doesn’t mean boundary-less parenting. In fact, if you are parenting a child who is a little delayed with regard to developing self-regulation, this type of parenting actually means MORE boundaries.But boundaries aren’t consequences or punishments.Boundaries are the supports your child needs to be successful.It’s a little like toddler proofing. Toddlers aren’t untrustworthy, misbehaving, or sneaky because they explored the stairs and then fell down. Toddlers are just doing their toddler thing with their toddler brain. It’s our job as the adults...
2020-12-0427 min